Wednesday, March 9, 2011

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (03-09-11)

SHEEN-ANIGANS

For Your Charlie Sheen Amusement:

Enjoy.


Charlie Sheen Calls Out Chuck Lorre and Les Moonves in His Latest Web Rant:

CHARLIE SHEEN called out "Two and a Half Men" creator CHUCK LORRE and CBS President LES MOONVES in his latest "Sheen's Korner" web rant. --The good news this time is that Charlie didn't look and sound like a jonesing crack addict. He appeared to be showered, rested and relatively coherent. And he had his speech written out in advance. --That's not to say that the speech itself was sane. As usual, he started off by whining about what a horrible evil had been perpetrated upon him. --He said, quote, "Good evening. What occurred yesterday was completely and entirely illegal. Unconscionable. And to quote my lawyer really (crappy crappy) suck suck."
--He also gave himself some new nicknames: The Malibu Messiah, the Condor of Calabasas and the, quote, "(Effing) warlock of the jealous face that is before you." --Then he started ripping into people. --First up was Les Moonves, whom he referred to as "Less than Goonves". He said, quote, "Screw Les, I proclaimed . . . or better yet, screw more." --Then he went below the belt . . . literally. He said, quote, "You gave me your word, so in turn you gave me nothing. It must really suck being your Mrs. . . . The promise of getting something yet receiving nothing. --"In-vitro aside, all shiny pool boys rejoice and line block around your house. Sizzle, losing, bye." --Then there was Lorre . . . whom he referred to as Chuck E. Cheeseball, (Crap) brain, Maggot, Little worm and "(Eff) Borre." --He said, quote, "Where ya hiding silly clown? Behind your narcissism, your greed, your hatred of yourself or women?" --He added, quote, "Can you smell your soul? Can you smell the rotting dog (crap)? The fermented puke that is your viscera? --"Can you smell the lies? Can you smell the carnage you created? Can you smell the impostor living within? --"Can you smell your mother's tears from some distant memory as she scattered her pathetic creation asking all around her why this feeble abortion survived." --Then he mocked Chuck for being a recovering alcoholic . . . quote, "You picked a fight with a warlock you little worm, remember this after that first drink back. The drink you know you want. The drink you can't avoid any longer. --"How does it taste? How does it feel? Are you whole again, at peace, in love?" (--Yeah, there's more. He calls a few more people out, and blathers on for a total of about eight and a half minutes. You see the video and read the entire transcript here.)


Charlie Sheen Says Jon Cryer Is a "Turncoat":

CHARLIE SHEEN says his "Two and a Half Men" co-star JON CRYER is a TURNCOAT . . . because he hasn't called him since he kicked off his war with the powers-that-be at the show. --He told E! News, quote, "Like I said: You're with me, or you're with the trolls. Obviously he's with the trolls." --"Jon has not called me. He's a turncoat, a traitor, a troll. Clearly he's a troll. He issued a statement. Is it gonna take me calling him a 'traitor, juvenile and scared' for him to get it?" (--As far as we know, Jon has NOT issued a statement. He did do that sketch on "Ellen", though, where he took a job as her receptionist because he was out of work. You can watch that video again here.) --Several people associated with the show are NOT trolls, however, because they've called Charlie. They include "half-man" Angus T. Jones, Conchata Ferrell . . . who plays Berta the housekeeper . . . --Melanie Lynskey, who plays Rose the neighbor . . . Marin Hinkle, who plays Judith Harper . . . and James Widdoes, who has directed dozens of episodes. --Not included on this list was HOLLAND TAYLOR . . . who plays Charlie's mom on the show. But maybe she'll be a late addition, because she had mostly good things to say about Charlie yesterday. --She said, quote, "Charlie was cordial and polite with all of his castmates and crew, sometimes even courtly . . . and always witty. --"We watched movies at his house occasionally . . . warm evenings with interesting, spirited conversation. This is the guy I know. --"In this very sad and complicated time. I really have no comment beyond valuing my own history with Charlie, and my abiding affection for him."


Where in the World is Rachel Oberlin? Dealing with a Drunk Driving Case in Indiana:

I don't know if you've noticed, but CHARLIE SHEEN has been down a goddess lately. RACHEL OBERLIN . . . a.k.a. the Mattress Actress Formerly Known as Bree Olson . . . has been missing since last week. --She stormed out of Charlie's "Sober Valley Lodge" on Friday after some kind of fight with Charlie . . . but she was back in his good graces the following day. So where has she been? --In Fort Wayne, Indiana dealing with a drunk driving case. She'd been arrested last month . . . and yesterday, she was informed in court that she's going to trial June 8th. Her next court date is April 26th. (--Here's a video of her entering the courthouse and then speaking with the press afterwards. She also confirmed that she's returning to Charlie's house.)


Roseanne Says Charlie Sheen is On a Manic High . . . And Chuck Lorre is a Big Drunk:

Is anyone waiting for ROSEANNE'S opinion on the CHARLIE SHEEN mess? If so, here it is: Roseanne thinks Charlie is SOBER. But not right in the head. --She says, quote, "I think Charlie is in a manic high, and is unable to get any drugs to bring him down anymore. -"Manics can really work hard and play hard at the same time, until they hit a wall, and then they are in bed and depressed for a long time, so they start taking drugs again to get energy to work." --And she has the following advice for Charlie . . . quote, "Take a break dude. Go to Greece, Paris, China, look at great art and lay low. You got fired, dude." --Roseanne happens to know a little bit about Charlie's nemesis, CHUCK LORRE, because he was a producer on her sitcom back in the day. And she doesn't have anything good to say about him. -First, she insults his writing . . . quote, "Those (crap) Chuck Lorre lines could choke a (effing) horse, and render any actor who recites them stone cold soul dead. --"No grown man could really look himself in the mirror knowing that he delivers (crap) jokes and adolescent sniggering over breasts and women's body parts lines to the Tea partier types who are big fans of Chuck's hilarious hijinx." --Then she insults Chuck himself . . . quote, "I fired Chuck Lorre for being a big drunk on my show, and he went on to become one of TV's most successful writers (about [penis] jokes). Maybe Charlie can start producing porn movies now!"


Does Charlie Sheen Still Get Paid if "Two and a Half Men" Continues Without Him?

If "Two and a Half Men" continues on without CHARLIE SHEEN, does Charlie still get paid? It sounds far-fetched, but TMZ claims that might be the case. --So-called "sources" say that Charlie's contract has a "MICHAEL J. FOX "clause that stipulates that he gets money for as long as the show is in production, whether he's on it or not. --Michael reportedly had that deal for his show "Spin City" . . . and when he left because of his Parkinson's disease, he was still drawing a paycheck. --Anyone remember who replaced Michael in "Spin City", by the way? Only a certain BITCHIN' ROCK STAR FROM MARS. --If this is even true . . . and I'm willing to bet it's not . . . Warner Brothers will claim they fired Charlie for breaching his contract, which would make his claim to any future payments null and void. (--While we're on the topic of "Two and a Half Men" continuing without Charlie, here's a list of TV shows that went on after losing and replacing major characters. Obviously, it includes "Spin City".) (--FYI: "Spin City" went from being the 33rd most-watched show on TV with Michael J. Fox to #78 with Charlie Sheen.)


Random Sheen-Anigans:

#1.) CHARLIE SHEEN is now about as unappealing to the public as BARRY BONDS, BRISTOL PALIN and Washington Redskins owner DANIEL SNYDER. (Full Story)

#2.) The website Deadspin.com posted Charlie's phone number yesterday. But when we tried it, all we got was a message saying that the person we were trying to contact is not accepting calls at this time. (Full Story)

#3.) Several people, including DIDDY, have come up with their own recipes for "Tiger Blood" cocktails. (Full Story)

#4.) Charlie's deal with Live Nation was for official merchandise with his silly catchphrases on it. They're going to start rolling it out as early as next week. (Full Story)

#5.) We don't know if this is legit, but a so-called "Sheen insider" has revealed what Charlie's live touring show will be like . . . IF he does one. (Full Story)


Lindsay Lohan Might Sue That Jewelry Store for Selling its Surveillance Footage:

LINDSAY LOHAN is considering a lawsuit against the jewelry store Kamofie and Company, for selling the surveillance footage of Lindsay allegedly stealing that necklace. --Meanwhile, the store continues to defend its decision to release the tape . . . saying, quote, "We were upset with the various mischaracterizations we were seeing and hearing about the video and its contents, and we felt the video should be allowed to speak for itself. --"With regard to the question of Lindsay Lohan's guilt or innocence, we repeat that Kamofie and Company never gave permission to Ms. Lohan to remove the necklace from the store. The rest is up to the jury." (--"Entertainment Tonight" released more of the video yesterday. This time, they aired the part where Lindsay actually puts on the necklace.) (--Check out the video here.)
The Old Spice Guy Denies He's Dating Kathy Griffin:

ISAIAH MUSTAFA . . . a.k.a. The Old Spice Guy . . . would like you to know that he's NOT dating KATHY GRIFFIN. --He says, quote, "I think she's amazing . . . she's a force of nature! She's on Broadway so if you get a chance, go check her out. But I just happen to be a single man." --That doesn't mean he WOULDN'T hit it. He says, quote, "I like redheads . . . or gingers."


Bobby Brown Says His Daughter Doesn't Snort Coke:

BOBBY BROWN is finally speaking out about those pictures that allegedly show his daughter BOBBI KRISTINA snorting coke. -He tells ABC News, quote, "My daughter, she doesn't do that." (--Bobbi Kristina is 18 . . . the photos were taken when she was 17. She claims she was SET UP by someone she'd previously been in a relationship with.) --On "The View" Monday, Bobby hyped his daughter as an up-and-coming SUPERSTAR . . . and said she even sings better than her mom, WHITNEY HOUSTON. --He said, quote, "She sings like a bird. She sings a little better than Whitney and she has my legs so [she can dance]."


Will "Rango" Make Your Kids Smoke?

That JOHNNY DEPP lizard movie "Rango" opened at the top of the box office this past weekend. And that's got anti-smoking advocates FREAKING OUT. --That's because "Rango" is rated PG . . . and it contains at least 60 instances of characters smoking. --One group says that the only other animated film on par with that is "101 Dalmatians" . . . which contains about 60 instances of Cruella De Vil smoking. --Stanton Glantz of the Center for Tobacco Control Research and Education says, quote, "A lot of kids are going to start smoking because of this movie."


The "Tomb Raider" Franchise is Being Rebooted . . . Without Angelina Jolie:

The "Tomb Raider" franchise is getting a reboot . . . without ANGELINA JOLIE as Lara Croft. There's no word on any casting yet . . . but they're hoping to have it in theaters in 2013. --Jolie played the character in "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" in 2001 . . . and followed up with "Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life" in 2003. The movies are based on the Lara Croft video game franchise that launched in 1996.


Guillermo del Toro Has Quit "At the Mountains of Madness":

Horror / sci-fi / fantasy fans will be CRUSHED to hear that GUILLERMO DEL TORO has walked away from his long-planned adaptation of "At the Mountains of Madness". --This was going to be a massive, big-budget adaptation of the classic story by legendary horror author H.P. LOVECRAFT. In 3D, no less. And there was even talk that TOM CRUISE was interested in the starring role. --But del Toro had a falling out with Universal Studios over the rating. He wanted a hard R . . . they wanted a weak-sauce PG-13. He refused to water his vision down. -In an e-mail to "The New Yorker", del Toro said, quote, "Madness has gone dark. The 'R' did us in."


HBO Is Developing a Show About Magicians Fighting Adolf Hitler . . . and It Might Be Based on a True Story:

HBO is developing a new show called "Hobgoblin" about World War Two, but it's definitely not your typical war series. --According to "Variety", it'll be an "offbeat drama" about, quote, "a motley group of conmen and magicians who use their skills at deception to battle Hitler." --Magicians fighting Hitler? That's pretty intriguing. And here's the kicker . . . It could actually be based on a TRUE story. -There was a British magician named Jasper Maskelyne . . . (--which we believe is pronounced "MAS-kel-lin") . . . who worked with British military intelligence. --He assembled a group called the "Magic Gang," which included over a dozen assistants . . . with architects, carpenters, chemists, electricians, and stage-set builders. --They created some elaborate illusions to deceive the Germans. --For example, Maskelyne made fake buildings, and used an array of lighting and mirrors to confuse German bombers on the exact locations of the Suez Canal and the Egyptian city Alexandria. --And in an Egyptian battle, Maskelyne used trickery to make the Germans think the Allied forces would be attacking from the South, when they were really coming from the North. --According to an account on Wikipedia, The Magic Gang created 2,000 fake tanks with "convincing pyrotechnics" and fake tank tracks . . . and camouflaged the actual tanks as regular jeeps and trucks. --But it was even more complicated than that. There was "a fake railway line, fake radio conversations, fake sounds of construction, and a fake water pipeline." --After the war, Maskelyne wrote a book on their adventures called "Magic: Top Secret". (--The book isn't currently available, as far as we can tell.) --It's unknown if Maskelyne was the inspiration for "Hobgoblin" or not. The show is being developed by novelist Michael Chabon, who wrote the novels "Wonder Boys" and "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay".


Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"American Idol" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"Survivor: Redemption Island" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Russell and Matt duel on Redemption Island. You know the stakes. It's like Thunderdome. Two men enter, one man leaves.)

--"Dog the Bounty Hunter" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on A&E. (--The conclusion of Dog helping a fellow bondsman capture a survivalist in Wyoming.)

--"Hot in Cleveland" . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land. (--Jane Leeves decides to get her green-card by marrying a homeless man, who's played by Jon Lovitz.)

--"The Real World: Las Vegas" [25th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on MTV.

--"Charlie Sheen's Winningest Moments" . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on Spike TV. (--It's a little amusing that they sandwiched this profile of Charlie Sheen between multiple episodes of "1000 Ways to Die". Think they're trying to say something?)


But Seriously: Phil Collins Says He's Not a "Tormented Weirdo" . . . And Is Ready for Some More Life Outside of Music:

We heard PHIL COLLINS was completely quitting music . . . then his rep said he wasn't retiring . . . and now Phil himself has spoken: And he'd like you to know that he isn't going crazy, but that he IS ready for more life outside of music. --In a message on his website, Phil said that he's not sure where all this came from, since, quote, "I haven't spoken to anybody in the press for a few months." (--The quotes that kicked off the Phil Collins retirement frenzy were credited to "FHM" magazine.) --That being said, Phil did NOT deny his alleged retirement . . . in fact, he insinuated that he was, quote, "stopping" and "calling it a day." --But Phil DID clean some house . . . he said, quote:

--"1.) I'm not stopping because of dodgy reviews or bad treatment in the press.

--"2.) I'm not stopping because I don't feel loved, I know I still have a very large fan base that loves what I do. Thank you.

--"3.) I'm not stopping because I don't fit in, this was proved with 'Going Back' reaching #1 in the U.K., and doing incredibly well worldwide.

--"4.) I'm not stopping so I can dive full time into my interest for the Alamo.
--"I am stopping so I can be a full time father to my two young sons on a daily basis." --Other than that, Phil didn't DIRECTLY address retirement, so in the interest of not creating any more Phil Collins-related hyperventilation, let's just say that it seems he's interested in focusing more on his personal life right now. --Phil added, quote, "Some of the things mentioned above have been said by me in various interviews, but said as asides with a smile on my face and in passing. --"The result is that I have ended up sounding like a tormented weirdo who thinks he was at the Alamo in another life, who feels very sorry for himself, and is retiring hurt because of the bad press over the years. None of this is true." (--You can find his entire statement, here.)
Former Alice in Chains Bassist Mike Starr Is Dead:

Original ALICE IN CHAINS bassist MIKE STARR has died. His body was found at his home in Salt Lake City on Monday. He was 44. No cause of death has been announced . . . but sadly, there's a good chance it involved drugs. --Starr appeared on the third season of "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew" in 2009 . . . and the second season of its spin-off "Sober House", which aired last year. He was battling a heroin addiction. --Later, Starr popped up on the fourth season of "Celebrity Rehab", saying that he'd been clean for six months and seven days. But apparently that didn't last. --Starr was arrested in Salt Lake City last month for felony possession of a controlled substance. The cops found six Xanax pills and six tablets of a painkiller called Opana on him at the time. --Starr played on Alice in Chains' first two albums "Facelift" and the classic "Dirt", and their first two EPs "We Die Young" and "Sap". (--Now TWO of the four Alice in Chains musicians on their first EP, "We Die Young", died young. Original singer LAYNE STALEY died in 2002 at the age of 34. He overdosed on a speedball, which is a mixture of cocaine and heroin.) --Starr left Alice in Chains in 1993 during the "Dirt" tour. MIKE INEZ replaced him . . . and remains their bassist to this day. --The band had said Starr left because of a "difference in priorities." But on "Celebrity Rehab", Starr admitted he was kicked out because of his drug use. --By the way, Inez was the one who orchestrated Alice in Chains' reunion with new singer WILLIAM DUVALL in 2005. So Starr was probably never considered for that, regardless of whether or not he was clean. --Last year, guitarist JERRY CANTRELL and drummer SEAN KINNEY SLAMMED "Celebrity Rehab", but wished Starr well. --Cantrell wrote, "I think it's a real travesty and a shame to put people in a really vulnerable situation like that and make it entertainment for people to see . . . it's just kind of disgusting to me actually. It's nothing I back. --"[But] I totally back Mike and I back his efforts to get clean and remain somebody that I and the band really care about . . . he's a friend of ours, you know, and we wish him the best." --Yesterday Dr. Drew said, quote, "It's devastating to hear of Mike succumbing to his illness. So very sad. Our prayers are with his family." (--Hey, don't worry about it, man. You can't save 'em all. Your show will go on.) (???)


Parts of Two More Britney Spears Songs Have Hit the Internet:

Portions of two more BRITNEY SPEARS songs have surfaced online. The songs are called "(Drop Dead) Beautiful" and "Inside Out", and they will both be on Britney's new album, "Femme Fatale". It hits stores on March 29th. (--You can check out 31 seconds of "(Drop Dead) Beautiful", here. And 32 seconds of "Inside Out", here. NOTE: Both these tracks contain audio tags.)


Selena Gomez Has Released a New Song:

SELENA GOMEZ premiered a new song called "Who Says" on RYAN SEACREST'S radio show yesterday. (--You can check it out, here. The song starts after 13 seconds of Seacrest intro. It's also littered with his audio tags.) --The lyrics include the lines: "You made me insecure / Told me I wasn't good enough / But who are you to judge / When you're a diamond in the rough. --"I'm sure you got some things / You'd like to change about yourself / But when it comes to me / I wouldn't want to be anybody else." --It'll be on Selena's next album, which should be out in June. There's no title or release date yet.


Videos of Celebrities Performing Covers:

#1.) KATY PERRY did an acoustic version LADY GAGA'S "Born This Way" during her concert in Paris on Monday night. (--Here's video.)

#2.) AVRIL LAVIGNE performed an acoustic cover of the KESHA annoying jam "Tik Tok" for BBC radio. (--Here's video.)

#3.) Tennis star VENUS WILLIAMS and a few of her curvaceous friends sang and danced to the 311 song "You Wouldn't Believe" on a cruise last week. It was some kind of karaoke contest. (--You can find some footage of it, here.)


Lady Gaga and Target Have Ended Their Partnership . . . Possibly Because Target Isn't Gay Enough:

LADY GAGA and Target have ended their partnership . . . so Target will no longer be releasing a special edition of "Born This Way", when it comes out on May 23rd. --There's no word on what happened. But when Lady Gaga announced the deal, she said it was contingent on Target "affiliating themselves with LGBT charity groups and beginning to reform and make amends for the mistakes they've made in the past." --Target came under fire last year for donating money to Tom Emmer, an anti-gay politician who was running for governor of Minnesota. He lost. --Word has it that Gaga nixed the deal when Target refused to promise not to donate to any groups believed to be anti-gay in the future.
WEDNESDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

And the #1 reason to be glad AMANDA BYNES is back on Twitter: (Photos)


MARY STUART MASTERSON is expecting twins. (Full Story)


CHUCK NORRIS says U.S. public schools are liberal indoctrination camps. Would YOU like to tell him he's wrong? (Full Story)


Some wannabe entrepreneurs got the bright idea to sell shoes under the name LeBron Jordan, Inc. They can't get sued because that's not even a real person, right? Well, reps for LEBRON JAMES and MICHAEL JORDAN did threaten to sue, and it ruined their business. Now THEY'RE suing LeBron and Michael.
(Full Story)


Warner Brothers is now renting movies digitally on Facebook . . . beginning with "The Dark Knight". (Full Story)


Michaele Salahi . . . the former White House crasher turned "Real Housewives" star . . . has been kicked off "Celebrity Rehab". Why? Because she's NOT addicted to anything. Except maybe attention. (Full Story)


This year, the Television Academy will honor eight shows . . . including "Friday Night Lights", "Parenthood" and "Private Practice" . . . for displaying, quote, "television with conscience." (Full Story)


NICKI MINAJ has denied MediaTakeOut.com's claim that she's pregnant. But since it came from MediaTakeOut, no one believed it in the first place. (Full Story)


NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF

STUPID NEWS

There's A New Dating Site That Matches You With People Who Look Like You:

Sure, it's nice to find people when you're dating who have similar interests, beliefs, values, all that garbage. But there's a new dating site launching this month with a compatibility factor that trumps ALL of those. --The site is called FindYourFacemate.com, and it will hook you up with . . . someone who LOOKS LIKE YOU. --Studies in the past HAVE shown that we tend to be initially attracted to people who have somewhat similar facial features. So FindYourFacemate is trying to formalize that process. --The site will use facial recognition software to find someone who closely matches you in six different areas: Eyes, ears, nose, chin, the corners of your mouth, and the center of the mouth. --Once it finds your facial matches, THEN you can actually look at the person's profile and decide if you're interested in talking to them. --Right now there's nothing up on FindYourFacemate.com . . . it's just one of those pages with a bunch of random ads . . . but the founder says she's planning to launch sometime this month. (New York Magazine)


A Woman Is Suing Her Ex-Fiancé For Cheating On Her During His Bachelor Party:

Last July, a guy from Chicago named Robert Leighton went to Vegas for his bachelor party, went to a club with his friends, met a woman, and brought her back to his hotel room. And then . . . SOMETHING went down. --When he got back to Chicago, he pretended like nothing had happened . . . until his fiancée, Lauren Serafin, searched through his phone and found text messages from the other woman. --Lauren confronted Robert about it, and Robert said they just "made out." But then he said he didn't want to marry Lauren. And their wedding was less than a month away. --Now that all the dust has settled, Lauren is SUING Robert for cheating on her at his bachelor party. --The lawsuit is for $62,814 . . . that's right, after he broke off the wedding, she was stuck with the bill. --They had 170 guests coming to the Ritz-Carlton Chicago, and Lauren had to pay a cancellation penalty. Her dress was non-refundable. She also cancelled the flights and hotel for their honeymoon in Bora Bora. --The lawsuit claims that, quote, "[Robert] seemingly believing that 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,' denied that anything happened." --When Lauren sent her OWN text to the other woman, that woman told her she and Robert had sex in the shower, and Robert lied to her . . . he said he was single and never let her know he was at his OWN bachelor party. (Las Vegas Sun)


When a Groom Ends Up In the Hospital On His Wedding Day, He and His Bride Still Get Married . . . Over Skype:

On Saturday, 27-year-old Samuel Kim and 27-year-old Helen Oh of Fullerton, California were scheduled to get married. --But a few days before the wedding, Samuel started COUGHING UP BLOOD. It turned out he had a serious lung infection, and had to go to the ISOLATION ward of a hospital while he recovered. It looked like he was going to miss the wedding. --So the couple came up with a solution: Helen still went to church for their MASSIVE 500 person wedding, and Samuel VIDEO CONFERENCED in over Skype. --The church had five live cameramen capturing the event for Samuel . . . and he used his webcam and laptop to go through with the ceremony. --When it was time for Samuel's vows he said, quote, "I'm very, very sorry for not being able to walk you down the aisle but today is just one day . . . I promise to be a perfect husband from now on to make up for this." --The pastor performing the wedding skipped over the whole "you may kiss the bride" part, and Samuel and Helen were married. --Samuel is expected to get out of the hospital sometime this week. When he's fully recovered they're going to Europe for their honeymoon. (OC Register)


Is Quaker Killing Off Cap'n Crunch?

Looks like CAP'N CRUNCH may have to go join his fellow pirates in Somalia, because his plundering kind isn't wanted over here in the States anymore. --It appears that Quaker Oats, and their parent company Pepsi, are KILLING OFF Cap'n Crunch. --You can't find a picture of him anywhere on Quaker's official website, and his sales are way down. Last year, Cap'n Crunch did $118.6 MILLION in sales, which was down 6.8% from a year earlier. He's fallen off the list of major cereal brands. --They're still keeping up the cereal's website, CapnCrunch.com. But even though that's still alive . . . it's clear the Cap'n has fallen pretty far out of favor. --The majority of the blame for the Cap'n's death is definitely going to the anti-childhood obesity campaign. --Studies have shown that kids are more likely to want a sugary cereal if it's got a cartoon mascot on the front. Cap'n Crunch definitely qualifies as a sugary cereal . . . with 12 grams of sugar per serving. That's half the recommended daily intake. --Jennifer Harris is a food policy and obesity researcher at Yale University. She says, quote, "Our research shows PepsiCo is no longer marketing Cap'n Crunch cereal directly to children. They've retired Cap'n Crunch and that's a good thing. --"Unfortunately, children continue to view hundreds of ads per year for high-sugar cereals." (Daily Finance)


The Reason People Hold Grudges Is . . . Their Moms Didn't Love Them Enough:

The phrase "mommy didn't love me enough" has been keeping the therapy business alive since day one. And guess what? We just found out about a NEW way your mom screwed you up! --According to a study at the University of Minnesota, people who didn't feel a secure relationship with their mother when they were very young are more likely to HOLD GRUDGES than people who had a better bond with their mom. --The study found that people who had tight bonds with their mother are better at controlling their negative emotions, and being reasonable during an argument. (Time)


The More Photos a Woman Puts Up On Facebook, the More Insecure She Is About Her Appearance:

Got one of those friends who CONSTANTLY floods Facebook with photos? Like . . . you haven't talked to her since high school, but you've seen 8,000 pictures of every vacation she's taken in the past five years? --Yeah . . . she's got self-esteem issues. --According to a new study from the University of Buffalo, women who base their self-worth and self-esteem on their appearance share more photos online . . . and have more Facebook friends . . . than women who are more secure. --They didn't find the same connection with men. (Science Daily)
Turns Out the Morning-After Pill Works If You Take It the Morning Before, Too:

Hey ladies, planning to go out and have some unprotected sex tonight? Well, first of all, don't. But second of all, you'll find this VERY interesting. --A study by Gynuity Health Projects in New York found that the morning-after pill isn't just a safeguard if you had unprotected sex the night before. They found that it also works at preventing pregnancy if you take it the day BEFORE you have sex. --Of course, they went through the usual disclaimers. The morning-after pill is a giant shot of hormones that can really mess with your body, it's not a long-term contraceptive solution, it doesn't prevent STDs . . . you know the drill. -But . . . women who took the morning-after pill either before OR after unprotected sex had a 5% chance of getting pregnant over the course of a year. That's compared to a 16% chance for women whose partners used condoms. (Reuters)


Sweden is Getting Rid of Stamps and Having People Pay For Their Mail By Text Message:

It's no secret that postal mail is on life support. No one except for collection agencies, your grandma, and unabombers sends letters anymore. --So in Sweden, the postal service is trying something new, and hoping that maybe modern technology can give mail a little bit of a boost. --Sweden is completely getting rid of STAMPS. Instead, you send a TEXT to the post office . . . and they text you back with a code you write on the envelope. That code shows that your postage has been paid. --They're going to roll it out over the summer. Denmark is also planning to start a text system. (PC Magazine)


MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Burglar In Oregon Called 911 On Himself . . . Because the Owner Scared Him:

On Monday night, 24-year-old Timothy Chapek of Portland, Oregon broke into a house. Shortly after he got inside, the owner, Hilary Mackenzie, arrived home. --And Timothy PANICKED. --He proceeded to lock himself in the bathroom and call 911 ON HIMSELF . . . because he was afraid of Hilary. --He told the 911 dispatcher, quote, "I broke into a house and the owner came home. I think she's got guns." --Meanwhile, Hilary was making a 911 call of her own. She didn't have guns . . . and from the sound of her call, she wasn't considering Timothy to be too much of a threat. She even laughed as she told the story. --When she went inside her house, Timothy told her his name and said he was hiding in the bathroom and taking a shower. So she took her daughter and dogs and got out. --Timothy was arrested and charged with criminal trespass. (The Smoking Gun)


A Student Is Busted For Hacking Into His High School's Computers and Changing People's Grades For Money:

19-year-old Tyler Coyner of Pahrump, Nevada is a smart guy. And that was obvious when he was named his school's salutatorian in 2010, for having the second-highest grade-point average in his entire class. --But we don't think he's smart because he earned those grades. He didn't. No . . . he was smart enough to figure out how to HACK into his school's computers and CHANGE his grades to make them better. (--Yes, just like MATTHEW BRODERICK in "WarGames". I love that movie. Remember when the computer freaks out at the end because it figures out war is unwinnable? The '80s were so cool.) --When Tyler was a student at Pahrump Valley High School, other students would pay him to hack into the system and improve their grades. He boosted DOZENS of kids' grades . . . but of course, saved salutatorian status for himself. --Tyler is now a student at the University of Nevada in Reno. -Someone finally ratted Tyler out and the Nye County Sheriff's Office started investigating. They cracked the scheme and ended up arresting EVERYONE whose grades were changed. --They also arrested Tyler and charged him with conspiracy, theft, and computer intrusion. And while they were arresting him, they found a stolen flat-screen TV and some fake IDs in his dorm room. (PC World) (--Here's his mugshot.)


A Man Sues a Paramedic For Stealing His Severed Foot From a Crash Scene . . . So She Could Use It To Train Her Dog:

On September 19th, 2008, Karl Lambert of St. Lucie County, Florida, got into a horrific car crash on Interstate 95. --40-year-old Cynthia Economou was one of the paramedics on the scene. About an hour after Karl was airlifted to a hospital, she was searching through the wreckage and found his SEVERED FOOT. --And . . . she decided to KEEP IT. --Cynthia wanted to use the foot to train her body recovery dog. --She says, quote, "It was an unrecognizable mass of flesh. It wasn't a clean cut. You couldn't even recognize it as a foot. If I had thought it was somehow reattachable and usable, I would've gone to my commander." --Anyway, her commander DID find out. She was let go . . . and in 2009, she was sentenced to six months of probation for theft. --Now . . . Karl's finally decided to SUE. --He filed a lawsuit last week seeking unspecified damages. It reads, quote, "[The theft was] outrageous and went beyond the bounds of decency. [It] was odious and utterly intolerable in a civilized society." (Treasure Coast Palm)
A Man Was Arrested for Stabbing Someone Halfway Through a Haircut . . . And the Mugshot is Hilarious:

We're totally in this one for the mugshot. This week, 20-year-old David Davis of Stamford, Connecticut was at an apartment getting his MASSIVE 'FRO cut and braided. During the haircut, he got into a fight with someone in the apartment. --David ended up STABBING that man with a pair of scissors. That got him a felony assault charge . . . and ended his haircut halfway through. --And his mugshot is hilarious, since it's half-'fro, half-braids. (The Smoking Gun)


Police Find a Burglar Because He Left Behind One Single Print . . . While He Was Taking a Dump:

This will definitely be the most expensive deuce that 46-year-old Robert Johnson of Key Largo, Florida, has ever dropped. --Back in October, Robert burglarized a home and a boat. He took a TV, DVD players, a GPS, some electronics . . . and a 12-pack of beer. While he was robbing the house, nature called . . . and he did his dirty business in the toilet. --Robert was very careful during the burglaries and didn't leave behind any fingerprints. EXCEPT ONE. While he was on the toilet, he left a single print on the seat. Police used that to track him down and now he's been arrested for burglary. (UPI)


A Woman Is Caught at JFK Airport With Almost $170,000 . . . In Her Underwear:

This is a story about a woman with a few hundred grand in her underwear. And no, that's not a euphemism for the quality and desirability of her stuff. --Customs officials at JFK Airport in New York City busted 64-year-old Claire Abdeldaim for flying into the U.S. with $169,900 in her underwear. --The cash was all in $100 bills. That's 1,699 C-notes. --Claire got the money for selling some property in the Sudan, and she didn't want to pay taxes. --So she took the money, sewed it into her underwear, and wore it as she flew back from the Sudan to New York. --It's illegal to bring more than $10,000 into the country without declaring it to customs. --Claire is facing up to 21 months in prison for smuggling. (New York Daily News)


STUPID NEWS EXTRAS

Today's "Most Unsurprising New Study" Part One: Women who are, quote, "slightly bisexual" are more likely to have tried a wide variety of sex acts with men. And women who are bi or lesbian are more likely to have tried backdoor relations.
(Full Story)


Today's "Most Unsurprising New Study" Part Two: Elderly drivers are half as likely to see pedestrians. (Full Story)


Want to know how passport ownership breaks down by state? The highest is New Jersey, with over 68%, followed by Delaware, Alaska, and Massachusetts. The lowest is . . . Mississippi, with 19.86%. (Full Story)


More than half a million teenagers have had an eating disorder: Binge eating is the most common, at 1.5% of teenagers. Bulimia is at 1%, and anorexia is .3%. (Full Story)


The three most negatively viewed countries are getting even MORE unpopular: Iran is at 59% negative, up 3 points from last year . . . North Korea's at 55% negative, up 6 points from last year . . . and Pakistan's at 56%, up 5 points from last year. Germany, the UK, and Canada are the top three positively viewed countries. And the U.S. is 8th. (Full Story)
NAZZY’S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY


#1.) A Guy Launched His Kid in the Air By Jumping on One Side of an Air Mattress:

Here's today's parenting tip for the brain-dead: Don't fill up an air mattress half way, have your little daughter lie on one side, then body slam the other side with all your weight. It might launch her six feet in the air. --There's a video on YouTube that shows a guy doing just that, and the kid narrowly misses serious injury by landing on the edge of the mattress, and not on the floor. She doesn't get hurt, so the video is called "Ally's Close Call".


#2.) A Guy Snapped His Wrist While Practicing Parkour on a New Reality Show Called "Jump City":

There's a new show on G4 called "Jump City" that features parkour. If you're not familiar, that's when people run around jumping over walls, fences, buildings, and stairwells using acrobatics. --Anyway, one of the best in the world at it is as guy named LEVI MEEUWENBERG. But during a taping of "Jump City" this week, he messed up a trick and shattered his wrist. The video is on TMZ.com, and the weirdest part is how he reacted. --He looked disappointed, but didn't seem like he was in much pain. Then he walked away, sat down, and waited for a medic to arrive. (--Search for "Levi Meeuwenberg Jump City Injury." It happens at :13, and you get the best view of his bent arm at :57.) (--WARNING: This video isn't as gruesome as it sounds, but it does show a close-up of his crooked arm.)


Four Life Lessons You Can Learn From Charlie Sheen:

Someone on Yahoo.com posted a list of life lessons we can all take away from the Charlie Sheen meltdown, and some of them are pretty legit. Here are the top four.

Lesson #1.) The Things You Do Outside of Work Can Derail Your Career. Obviously you can't show up for work drunk . . . which Charlie claims he never did. -But what he DID do was badmouth his boss in public. So make sure you know who's reading your Tweets before you go complaining about your job on Twitter. Your boss might be reading them without you realizing it.

Lesson #2.) No One Is 100% Secure in Their Job. If you make a big enough mistake, it doesn't matter how much money you've made for your company. Even the star of America's favorite sitcom got fired.

Lesson #3.) Learn to Keep Your Emotions in Check. It's okay to be emotional, but if you make DECISIONS based on your emotions, you'll end up making BAD decisions . . . like going on the radio and saying you're gonna sue all your bosses.

Lesson #4.) Take Responsibility for Your Mistakes. If you DO make a mistake, accept responsibility and make sure your apology sounds sincere. --So in other words, don't say what Charlie Sheen said a few days after he made fun of his boss Chuck Lorre. He said, quote, "I'm sorry if I offended you. Didn't know you were so sensitive." (Yahoo.com)

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