LOVERS QUARRELS

***FOUR COMMON MARRIAGE PROBLEMS . . . AND HOW TO SOLVE THEM***

When you feel like your marriage is strong, it's easy to put other obligations first and take EACH OTHER for granted. So watch out for these four common marriage problems, and you'll stay on track . . .

#1.) BAD-MOUTHING. Venting is fine, but constantly bad-mouthing your better half when you're talking to others can actually CAUSE problems. Your friends will start to think your marriage is a disaster, and you'll forget why you got married in the first place.

--TO FIX THE PROBLEM . . . Put the privacy back in your marriage, and stop sharing EVERY detail with your friends and family.

#2.) AVOIDING FIGHTS. As bad as it is to complain to outsiders, it's just as destructive to suffer in silence. Holding back your true feelings just to avoid confrontation will eventually make you resentful.

--TO FIX THE PROBLEM . . . Simply say what you feel. If you don't talk about something that's bothering you, because you think it's pointless and nothing will change, that ITSELF is a problem.

#3.) FIGHTING OVER YOUR STUFF. If you argue about why she has so many trashy romance novels stacked next to the already-full bookshelf . . . or why he just HAS to keep all six of his ratty old baseball hats . . . you're not alone.

--Picking on each other's possessions is usually another way of saying "I don't like this about you! Why won't you change?"

--TO FIX THE PROBLEM . . . Make concessions. If the stuff is genuinely important to one of you, then the other person should back down. But if it's just a bunch of CRAP, agree to each sell one or two things, then start a fund for something you BOTH want.

#4.) FEELING DISTANT. When you're both busy with work, the kids, and your own interests, you can go days without having a real conversation. But when you eliminate quality time from your marriage, you risk getting too casual about your relationship.

--TO FIX THE PROBLEM . . . Make time. Don't miss your kid's soccer game, but DO share a slice of pizza in the stands. OR, if you zone out in front of the TV every night, turn it off for 20 minutes and play a board game.

--Whatever you do, make sure the little time you have together is QUALITY TIME. (Family Circle Magazine)