HOW TO TRAIN YOUR MAN

***FIVE ANIMAL TRAINING TECHNIQUES THAT ALSO WORK ON MEN***

Men are card-carrying members of the animal kingdom. They grunt, they fight . . . they want to mate CONSTANTLY. If your guy is behaving like an animal, why not treat him like one? Here are five animal training techniques that work on men too . . .

ISSUE #1.) HE HATES DOING CHORES. When trainers need CHIMPANZEES to perform a task, they play with them for 10 minutes first. So, when you need your boyfriend or husband to do something, take a few minutes to goof around first.

--If you use this technique consistently, he'll be less likely to dread doing housework.

ISSUE #2.) HE'S CRUDE AND INAPPROPRAITE. When a DOG won't stop sniffing people's crotches, trainers IGNORE the bad behavior. The same can work on your husband or boyfriend too. If he burps and tells off-color jokes, don't respond. Then, when he does something GOOD, give him your attention as a reward. Just remember that TIMING is crucial. If you don't reward him at the EXACT moment he does something good, he won't be able to make the appropriate connection.

ISSUE #3.) HE RUNS AWAY DURING ARGUMENTS. HORSES look powerful, but deep down, they're skittish and scared. That's why they generally respond well to a calm voice and a gentle touch from their trainers. And men are the same way. The next time you get into an argument, speak in a quiet, even-toned voice. He's more likely to understand the problem and less likely to head for the hills.

ISSUE #4.) HE WON'T GET OFF THE COUCH. LIONS are lazy too. They sleep 20 hours a day and only move when they need to. Trying to get a lion to do something it doesn't want to do is nearly impossible, so zoo keepers take advantage of its active hours. But if they need a lion to move when it doesn't want to, they use FOOD as a bribe. And men respond to food in basically the same way.

ISSUE #5.) HE'S NOT ROMANTIC. When a trainer wants to teach an ELEPHANT a new trick, he does so in small increments. Any elephant can learn a trick, and any man can be romantic . . . if someone teaches him how. You just have to take baby steps.

--So light some candles, and put on some romantic music. Let him know that romance makes you feel sexy. Then . . . as positive reinforcement . . . SHOW him how sexy it makes you feel. (Cosmopolitan.com)