HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (07-16-10)

LINDSAY LOHAN LUNACY

LINDSAY LOHAN IS BACK IN REHAB:

LINDSAY LOHAN is back in rehab. On Wednesday, she checked into Pickford Lofts . . . which is a sober living house in Los Angeles that was founded by her likely future attorney, ROBERT SHAPIRO. --Technically, Shapiro is NOT Lindsay's attorney yet. Not until the judge signs off on the switch. Until then, she's still officially represented by Shawn Chapman Holley. (--Interesting connection here, by the way: Both Shapiro and Holley helped O.J. SIMPSON prove to the world that he was absolutely, positively 100% not guilty of double murder 15 years ago.) (--Holley worked for O.J.'s lead attorney, JOHNNIE COCHRAN.) --Shapiro has been involved in drug abuse causes since his own son died of an overdose in 2005. --Whether Lindsay will take rehab seriously her FOURTH time around is anybody's guess. But there's obviously speculation that she checked in to somehow reduce . . . or possibly erase . . . the 90-day prison sentence she was smacked with last week. --A so-called "source" says, quote, "The hope is that the judge either reduces the sentence or tosses it out [and lets] Lindsay stay in a facility instead of jail. -"The hope is that the judge sees Lindsay getting treatment and puts her in an inpatient [rehab] program for 90 days instead of jail. Lindsay is not trying to fight or appeal the sentence, but adjust it." --The lure here is obvious. If Lindsay gets to stay at Pickford, she'll have a loft with her own kitchen, Internet access and a flat-screen TV. Plus, much better visiting hours. --Lindsay's mom, DINA, her sister ALI and ex-girlfriend SAMANTHA RONSON dropped by Wednesday night . . . just hours after Lindsay checked in. --But Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers seems to think it won't work . . . quote, "It's a really a moot point to ask Judge Revel to send Ms. Lohan to rehab only, since Judge Revel has already sentenced her." (--For the record, it's Judge Revel who makes this call, not the D.A.'s office. But Revel has been pretty hard on Lindsay so far.) (--It's hard to imagine she'll strike Lindsay's prison sentence just because a slick, high-priced attorney stuffed her into rehab at the 11th hour. That would make her look pretty WEAK-SAUCE in front of the entire world.) --As it stands, Lindsay is supposed to begin serving her prison sentence this coming Tuesday. (--Lindsay was also ordered to do 90 days in rehab AFTER she gets out of prison.)


MORE MEL GIBSON AUDIO HAS BEEN LEAKED:

More MEL GIBSON audio was leaked yesterday. At this point, does it even matter what he says? It's all just him screaming at OKSANA GRIGORIEVA, calling her a golddigger and using just about every curse word in the book. --If there's anything interesting in this one, it's the fact that Mel claims Oksana has pretty much bled him dry. --He says, quote, "I don't have any (effing) money! I have to support you and everybody else! I have to sell paintings. I have to sell my box at the Lakers game." --He estimates that his relationship with her . . . both business and personal, we assume . . . has cost him $5 million, in addition to losing his precious Lakers box seats. (--Mel didn't have a prenup with his wife Robyn, and it's estimated that she took HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS of dollars in their divorce.)
(--Here's the latest audio . . .)
(--WARNING!!! CONTENT!! . . .)
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/exclusive-new-audio-mel-gibson-completely-loses-it-btch-cnt-whre-gold-digger


DID MEL GIBSON HURT HIS 8-MONTH-OLD DAUGHTER???

Attorneys for MEL GIBSON and OKSANA GRIGORIEVA were in court yesterday to begin custody proceedings over their very unlucky 8-month-old daughter Lucia. --The long and the short of it for now is that Mel has NOT been stripped of his custody or visitation rights. --Oksana had wanted the judge to cut Mel off, but he decided to keep things the way they are for now. --But Mel could be in a world of hurt in the long run, because the court IS listening to the audio that Oksana recorded of him raving like a complete lunatic. --Mel claims the audio has been EDITED, and should be deemed inadmissible. But Oksana's people say nothing has been done to it. (--Here's some interesting trivia: TMZ says that Oksana recorded Mel using an iPhone app.) --Either way, the tapes may not be the most damning piece of evidence against Mel. --Oksana's lawyer has also submitted photos of Lucia with bruising on her chin. Oksana says Mel did that when he hit Oksana in the face while she was holding Lucia back in January. --Mel got some support yesterday from an interesting ally, though . . . his ex-wife Robyn. --She submitted a declaration to the court which said, quote, "Mel never engaged in any physical abuse of any kind toward me before, during or after our marriage. Mel was a wonderful and loving father."


MEL GIBSON IS BACK ON A MOVIE SET . . . AND IT'S AWKWARD:

Before all that damaging audio leaked, MEL GIBSON had filmed a movie called "The Beaver". It's a comedy about a guy who walks around with a beaver puppet on his hand, and pretends it's real. JODIE FOSTER directed it. --Well, Mel is now back on the set doing some re-shoots . . . and things are pretty awkward. --A source says, quote, "Mel was in complete shock. Everyone was walking on eggshells around him. It was the weirdest set ever." --Another source close to Mel says, quote, "Mel is in a very dark place. None of his friends, even those who have defended him in the past, want anything to do with him publicly or privately." (--The question is still up for debate: How . . . and when . . . does Mel Gibson recover from this?) (--Right now, I just don't see how it's possible. But like I've said before, it's going to be interesting to watch him try.)


BRISTOL PALIN WILL WAIT TO HAVE MORE KIDS:

BRISTOL PALIN says she's not going to get pregnant right off the bat when she marries LEVI JOHNSTON. --She says, quote, "I'm going to wait a while, definitely. I'm not going to rush into having another kid . . . [but] Tripp will have a brother or sister, eventually." (--Somebody put together a fake wedding registry for Bristol and Levi . . . at Wal-Mart, of course. You can check it out here . . .)
http://www.walmart.com/giftregistry/gr_detail.do?registry_id=80501960047


OFFICIALS IN CANADA WERE OFFENDED BY PAMELA ANDERSON'S NEW PETA AD:

Celebrities posing nude or nearly-nude for PETA is pretty old news. PAMELA ANDERSON posing nude or nearly nude for any reason is EXTREMELY old news. --That's why it's odd that Pamela posing nearly-nude for PETA would ruffle anyone's feathers. But it did. --Pam did a new PETA ad where she's in a bikini, and all the different cuts of meat are marked on her body . . . like she's a cow in one of those posters you'd see at a butcher shop. --Pam was supposed to officially unveil the photo in Montreal yesterday . . . but at the last minute, city officials denied a permit for the event . . . claiming the ad is SEXIST --Pam fired off a statement saying, quote, "In a city that is known for its exotic dancing and for being progressive and edgy, how sad that a woman would be banned from using her own body in a political protest over the suffering of cows and chickens. --"In some parts of the world, women are forced to cover their whole bodies with burqas . . . is that next? I didn't think that Canada would be so puritanical." (--Pam is actually from Canada. If they spawned her, they can't be THAT puritanical.)


THE WOULD-BE EXTORTIONISTS OF JOHN STAMOS WERE FOUND GUILTY YESTERDAY:

Does anybody remember the two people who tried to blackmail JOHN STAMOS? They claimed they had pictures of John at a party, frolicking with COCAINE AND STRIPPERS. --They tried that deal where they told John they had incriminating pictures and planned to sell them to the media. But they wanted to give John the opportunity to buy them first. --John admitted he went to the party in question, but denied any incriminating photos of him were taken. -And yesterday the suspects . . . 24-year-old Allison Cross and 31-year-old Scott Sippola . . . were convicted of conspiracy and using e-mail to threaten a person's reputation. They could each get up to five years in prison. (--Cross was 17 at the time of the party . . . and she claimed that Stamos had tried to seduce her.) --Law enforcement organizations that investigated the case said they found no evidence that the photos ever existed. --After the verdict, Stamos issued a statement saying, quote, "I am shocked and perplexed how individuals could fabricate so many false stories in an effort to defend a crime. --"I'm grateful these two criminals have been found guilty and I plan to go home to be with my family and friends and prepare to get back to work."


ERIN ANDREWS IS SUING THE HOTEL CHAINS WHERE SHE WAS FILMED NAKED:

ESPN reporter ERIN ANDREWS is suing several hotel chains for allegedly making it easy for her stalker to find her, and film her naked. --Michael David Barrett modified peepholes in hotel room doors in Nashville and Milwaukee in 2008, allowing himself to be able to film Erin while she was changing inside. --She's now suing Marriott and Radisson Hotels claiming they basically did NOTHING to prevent Barrett from doing what he did. --Hotel employees not only admitted to Barrett that Erin would be staying there . . . they also gave him her room numbers and allowed him to check into adjacent rooms. --She's claiming negligence, infliction of emotional distress, and invasion of privacy. There's no word how much she's suing for. --Her attorney says, quote, "Erin filed the lawsuit to send a message to hotel chains that they need to exercise greater care in protecting their guests. She was seriously harmed by what happened there."


WATCH A GUY EAT DANNY DEVITO'S FACE:

DANNY DEVITO has a new, horror-themed website called TheBloodFactory.com. And they're going to have some kind of presence at Comic-Con, which begins this coming Wednesday in San Diego. --Well, Danny made a video to hype the Comic-Con appearance . . . and it features his employees eating . . . HIM. One dude even rips off half of Danny's face and makes a sandwich out of it. --Danny's wife, RHEA PEARLMAN, also appears in the clip. (--Check out the video here . . .)
(--WARNING!!! There's some gore in this clip. It's silly, but still graphic . . .)
http://www.tmz.com/videos?autoplay=true&mediaKey=5fc0ea5f-ce59-4efc-a4bb-4d5d1be9f7e2


LEONARDO DICAPRIO'S "INCEPTION" TAKES ON DISNEY'S "SORCERER'S APPRENTICE" THIS WEEKEND:

#1.) "Inception" (PG-13)

--Leonardo DiCaprio plays a guy who's an expert at using technology to enter other people's dreams and steal information from their minds. And now he's gathered a team that includes Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt to help him do the impossible . . . instead of steal an idea, he wants to PLANT one. --"Inception" was written and directed by Christopher Nolan, who did "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight". And he used some actors from his Batman films here too . . . --Michael Caine, who plays Alfred in the "Batman" franchise, is Leonardo DiCaprio's mentor. And Cillian Murphy, a.k.a. The Scarecrow, is their target.
Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z75o-F6ja2I
Official Site: http://inceptionmovie.warnerbros.com/


#2.) "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (PG) (Opened Wednesday)

--Nicolas Cage and Alfred Molina play two rival sorcerers fighting over modern-day Manhattan . . . and "Tropic Thunder's" Jay Baruchel is the young kid that Cage recruits and trains to help him in his magical duels. --It's directed by Jon Turteltaub . . . who also directed Nicolas Cage in the "National Treasure" movies . . . and is very loosely based on the segment of "Fantasia", which starred Mickey Mouse as the bumbling apprentice.
Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2uV0_1C4UM
Official Site: http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/sorcerersapprentice/


WILL THERE BE A "TOY STORY 4"???

It took long enough to get "Toy Story 3" going . . . but since the movie has made $560 worldwide . . . and counting . . . there's already BUZZ . . . (--pun intended) . . . about "Toy Story 4". --Some movie websites are reporting that TIM ALLEN is actually already signed on for a fourth. Although nobody knows WHEN he signed on. --A fourth installment could have been part of a deal he signed years ago, that covered the possibility of multiple sequels. --But here's another thing: TOM HANKS was asked about the possibility of a fourth flick at the premiere of "Toy Story 3", and he said, quote, "Bring it on." (--More like, "Bury me with cash" . . . which is exactly what would happen.) --"Toy Story 3" director Lee Unkrich is kind of schizo on the prospect. In a recent interview, he said, quote, "I really tried my best to end the story of Andy and his toys and bring that story to a close in a really nice way . . . --"That being said, we know that people love the characters, love Woody and Buzz, and would hate to say good-bye to them completely . . . We don't have any plans for [a fourth movie], but we are trying to find ways to keep the characters alive." -One of the ways they're keeping the characters alive is with a SHORT film that will play before "Cars 2" . . . which hits theaters in November of 2011. (--I'm sure they'll make "Toy Story 4", and I'm sure it'll be great, just like all the others, and I'll have to eat my words. But there's just too much about another installment that DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.)


KEVIN BACON IS JOINING "X-MEN: FIRST CLASS":

KEVIN BACON has joined the cast of "X-Men: First Class". He'll play a villain, but nobody's saying who yet. (--It's not Magneto. Somebody else is playing him.) --The movie is about the beginnings of the X-Men, and will feature younger versions of the characters. JAMES MCAVOY is playing the young Professor X . . . (--Who was played by PATRICK STEWART in the original trilogy.)
-He's probably the only other actor involved so far whose name is immediately recognizable. -Meanwhile, HUGH JACKMAN thinks "Twilight" stud TAYLOR LAUTNER should play a younger version of his character, Wolverine. -He says, quote, "My only question is, can he grow mutton chops? Actually, I think people would probably prefer him as a hairless Wolverine than a rather hairy-chested version. Certainly about a billion young girls would." (--It would probably be silly for Wolverine to appear in this movie, since we saw how he met and joined the X-Men already in the first movie. It would totally mess with the timeline if he interacted with them earlier, wouldn't it???)


HERE'S A TRAILER FOR "THE SOCIAL NETWORK" THAT ACTUALLY SHOWS YOU SOMETHING:

There's a new trailer for "The Social Network" . . . which is the story of how Facebook came to be . . . and unlike the last one, it actually shows scenes from the movie. (--Check it out here . . .) http://movies.yahoo.com/premieres/20889647/standardformat


LARRY KING STILL WANTS RYAN SEACREST TO REPLACE HIM . . . AND HE HAS NO IDEA WHO PIERS MORGAN IS:

It's starting to sound more and more like "America's Got Talent" judge PIERS MORGAN has the inside track on succeeding LARRY KING when he ends his show this November . . . but Larry isn't exactly thrilled about that. --That's mostly because, well, he doesn't really know who Piers is. --Larry tells Forbes.com, quote, "Most Americans wouldn't [know Piers] unless you watch 'America's Got Talent'. And if you watch that, you only know him as a judge. --"You don't know him as a host . . . other than being a guest on my show, I've never watched 'America's Got Talent' and I don't know if I'd recognize him if he was walking down the street." --Instead, Larry is still hoping that RYAN SEACREST will take over for him. --He says, quote, "The camera likes him and he's a great generalist. I don't know if he has a great interest in politics . . . I haven't talked to him about that. --"But if he does, I'd pick him in a minute because an accepted major personality can move right in." (--Earlier this week, we heard that Piers was, quote, "on the verge" of signing a three-year deal with CNN, which could be worth around $7 million annually.)


WEEKEND TV REMINDERS

FRIDAY TV REMINDERS:

--"The Jensen Project" . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. (--A TV movie starring Kellie Martin and LeVar Burton as part of a secret society of geniuses, that sounds a lot like SyFy's "Eureka". In the unlikely event that it does well, there's talk that NBC may turn it into a regular series.)

SATURDAY TV REMINDERS:

--"Celebrity Ghost Stories" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bio. (--Michael Imperioli, Joan Collins, Donna D'Errico and Corey Feldman share their experiences.)

--"That Metal Show" [5th Season Finale] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on VH1 Classic.

--"Saturday Night Live" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. (--Joseph Gordon-Levitt guest hosts and Dave Matthews is the musical guest.) (REPEAT)

SUNDAY TV REMINDERS:

--"Big Brother 12" [Eviction Nominations] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"Revenge of the Bridesmaids" . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC Family. (--Raven-Symoné and "Reba's" JoAnna Garcia star as two friends trying to sabotage a former friend's wedding from the inside, by becoming her bridesmaids.)

--"Leverage" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TNT. (--John Schneider guest stars as a shady record executive working the country music scene.)

--"Russell Simmons presents Stand-Up at The El Rey" . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Comedy Central. (--Hosted by "Curb Your Enthusiasm's" JB Smoove, this week's comedians include . . . Eric Andre, James Davis and Kurt Metzger.)

--"Squidbillies" [5th Season Finale] . . . Midnight to 12:30 A.M. on Adult Swim.


SURPRISE: DAVID GILMOUR WILL APPEAR ON ROGER WATERS' TOUR . . . FOR AT LEAST ONE NIGHT:

As unlikely as it seemed prior to this past weekend, it now looks like DAVID GILMOUR and ROGER WATERS of PINK FLOYD are on the path of reconciliation. --David surprised everyone last weekend when he joined Roger onstage at a benefit concert in England. It was the first time they shared the stage in FIVE YEARS. (--The last time was the Pink Floyd reunion at the Live 8 event back in 2005.) --They did four songs: PHIL SPECTOR'S "To Know Him Is To Love Him" . . . plus the Pink Floyd classics "Wish You Were Here", "Comfortably Numb" and "Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)". --And now, Roger has posted a note on his Facebook page detailing how it came together . . . and announcing that David will be joining him for at least ONE date on his upcoming tour, which is celebrating the 30th anniversary of "The Wall". --It all started with a joke, essentially. --Roger says, quote, "[David] came up with this 'Wouldn't it be funny', idea: What if he were to sing the old song 'To Know Him Is To Love Him' with me . . . what with us having been so famously at each other's throats for years and years. Get it!!!! --"Anyway he emailed me with this suggestion and I loved it, so then it was just a question of juggling dates and deciding to do 'Wish You Were Here' and 'Comfortably Numb' to round out our little set." --But then Roger started having reservations. David had sent him "a number of very musical and eloquent demos" of how they could do "To Know Him Is To Love Him" in two-part harmony, but Roger didn't think he had the vocal chops to pull it off. --So that's when David upped the ante. Roger says David told him, quote, "'If you do 'To Know Him Is To Love Him' . . . I'll come and do 'Comfortably Numb' on one of your Wall shows.'' --Roger was ecstatic. He says, quote, "You could have knocked me down with a feather. How (effing) cool! I was blown away. How could I refuse such an offer. I couldn't, there was no way. Generosity trumped fear. --"And so explaining that I would probably be (crap), but if he didn't mind I didn't, I agreed and the rest is history. We did it, and it was (effing) great. End of story. Or possibly, [the] beginning." (--Wow. Floyd fans: It's OK to get a little excited.) --It's unknown WHICH date David will show up at, but he has a lot to choose from . . . because the tour currently includes 94 SHOWS from September 15th in Toronto through a show in Germany next June. --Roger says David will pick the show he wants to do, quote, "in due course." And chances are, we won't know in advance. It sounds like they want it to be a surprise. It's also unclear how much of the show David will take part in. (--You can read Roger's full Facebook post, here . . .) http://www.facebook.com/rogerwaters#!/notes/roger-waters-the-wall/the-gig-with-david/144577855556673


AMY WINEHOUSE SAYS HER NEXT ALBUM IS "SIX MONTHS" AWAY:

It's been almost four years since AMY WINEHOUSE released her HUGE "Back to Black" album. But she says her next disc is FINALLY on its way to stores. --Amy tells Britain's "Metro" newspaper that her next one will be out in, quote, "six months at the most." She's reportedly targeting a January release. --She adds, quote, "It's going to be very much the same as ['Back to Black'], where there's a lot of jukebox stuff and songs that are . . . just jukebox, really." (--And no, she didn't elaborate on what she means by "jukebox.")


LADY GAGA WROTE HER NEXT "#1 RECORD" IN CLEVELAND:

LADY GAGA performed in Cleveland on Wednesday. She told the crowd that she'd planned on visiting the rock and roll hall of fame beforehand . . . but she scrapped that plan, because she found herself writing her next, quote, "#1 record." --She also posted a message on Twitter saying, quote, "Emerging from studio coma. Voted no visit to rocknroll hall of fame, rather write a hit that puts me in it." (--She did not perform the song during the show.) (--So, is the fact that Lady Gaga wrote her next hit in Cleveland enough to make up for the city's painful loss of LEBRON JAMES? Uh, no. And also: Let's hope ALICE COOPER gets in to the rock hall before Lady Gaga is eligible.)


JOE PERRY WAS INVOLVED IN A MINOR ACCIDENT, BUT HE'S OK:

AEROSMITH guitarist JOE PERRY was involved in a minor accident yesterday afternoon. It happened in Middleboro, Massachusetts, which is roughly 50 miles south of Boston. --Joe . . . who was riding on his sweet Ducati motorcycle . . . was hit from behind at an intersection. The other driver . . . a 62-year-old woman in a not-so-sweet 2001 Chevy Malibu . . . was cited by police for following another vehicle too closely. -An ambulance took Joe to the hospital, but it was just a precaution. According to "The Boston Herald", Joe "suffered only scrapes." He was at the hospital for about two hours before being released. For what it's worth, he was wearing a helmet. (--The condition of Joe's bike is unknown.)


PINK WAS INJURED DURING A STUNT AT A SHOW IN GERMANY:

PINK was injured during her gig in Germany last night . . . while attempting one of her acrobatic stunts. Her harness failed her, and she fell, hard, onto the floor --It's unclear what she was attempting to do, but it doesn't seem like it was as elaborate as the acrobatics she pulled off at this year's Grammys. (--You can re-watch that performance at the link below. The stunt begins at the 2:25 mark.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3stsDXki__U
--A rep for the venue in Germany says that the strings that were attached to Pink's harness were not secured properly . . . and that she fell about eight feet. --Pink eventually got up and walked off stage on her own, but she was immediately taken to the hospital . . . so the show was over at that point. --From the ambulance, she tweeted, quote, "To all my [German] fans . . . I'm so so so sorry to end the show that way I am embarrassed and very sorry. --"I will be fine. I didn't get clipped into [the] harness correctly. [It] drug me off stage, [and I] fell into [a] barricade." --And later, she added, quote, "Nothing's broken . . . no fluid in the lungs . . . just seriously sore. I made that barricade my (B-word)!!!"
(--There's some fan-shot footage of the accident. Pink arrives at the :30 mark . . . and she's dragged offstage at the :50 mark. ***WARNING***: Pink drops two uncensored F-BOMBS after falling.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF1hf4g9bn8


PEARL JAM HAS RELEASED A PRO-OCEANS MUSIC VIDEO:

PEARL JAM has released a video for their single, "Amongst the Waves" . . . and they're using it to help raise awareness for ocean conservation. --The video . . . which features recent concert footage inter-cut with shots of oceans and surfers . . . is up on a new page they launched on their website. --Here's the link: http://pearljam.com/oceans/ --Peal Jam is also selling the video on iTunes. All the proceeds will benefit Conservation International's Marine Programs.


NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF

A MAILMAN IN OHIO SAVED A PERSON'S LIFE ON HIS ROUTE . . . WHICH BRINGS HIM TO THREE LIVES SAVED IN 29 YEARS:

53-year-old Keith McVey is a mailman in Akron, Ohio. And he very well may hold a U.S. Postal Service record: He's saved the lives of THREE PEOPLE while delivering their mail. --His three saves have been spread out over his 29-year postal career. The most recent one was on Saturday, when he was dropping off mail at a house and saw a young guy in the back of a pickup truck, turning blue. --Keith used to work as a firefighter in the Air Force and, even though he hadn't done CPR since the '70s, his instincts kicked in and he got the guy's pulse to come back. (--Reports didn't say what was wrong with the guy.) --His first save came 20 years ago, when he saw a boy try to kill himself by jumping from a bridge onto a highway. But the kid landed in a snow bank and survived . . . so Keith hopped a barrier, shielded the kid from traffic, and flagged down help. --His next save came 18 years later. While he was dropping off mail he saw a 13-year-old girl drowning in a lake, about 80 feet from the shore. --He dove into the water, swam out, pulled her from under the water and took her to the shore. --Like you'd expect, Keith is humble about his three career lives saved. Quote, "It's just . . . right place at the right time." (FOX 8 - Cleveland) (--Here's a video featuring Keith . . .)
http://www.fox8.com/videobeta/1b964f89-b618-4613-b4ad-0ddfac8bc51b/News/Delivering-Miracles-Mailman-Saves-3rd-Life-on-Route


POLICE HAVE CHARGED A ONE-ARMED MAN WITH . . . UNARMED ROBBERY:

It's always good to see the authorities making the same childish and inappropriate jokes that we like to make. --28-year-old Manuel "Lefty" Hernandez of Springfield, Massachusetts, only has one arm . . . his left one, logically. Wednesday, he stole a 58-year-old man's wallet. The police found Manuel and the man identified him, ya know, based on the missing arm. --So, since Manuel robbed the man without using a weapon, he's been charged with . . . wait for it . . . UNARMED ROBBERY. (--HI-YO!) But seriously, unarmed robbery was actually the charge. (MassLive.com)


A MAN IS ARRESTED FOR SHOPLIFTING . . . AND GETS IN WAY DEEPER TROUBLE WHEN HE POSTS BAIL WITH POORLY-COUNTERFEITED BILLS:

25-year-old Ronald White of Camden, New Jersey, is not a master criminal . . . nor does he have particularly good taste. Back on July 7th, he was arrested for shoplifting slightly-defective coats from a Burlington Coat Factory. --He was thrown in jail with bail set at $400. And he decided to pay the bail with . . . counterfeit $20 bills. But not good counterfeit bills . . . he just put a $20 in a color copier and made cheap copies on regular copy paper, then cut them out with scissors. --The cops WERE going to track him down . . . except he came to them first, complaining that he'd accidentally overpaid bail and wanted cash back. They arrested him for forgery . . . and now he's locked up on $5,000 bail. (Newark Star Ledger) (--Man, $5,000 means A LOT of Xeroxing. Bad news for Ronald, good news for FedEx Kinko's.)


THE AVERAGE WOMAN OWNS SEVEN PAIRS OF JEANS . . . BUT ONLY WEARS FOUR:

It's Casual Friday! At least in your world . . . in my world, every day is Casual Friday and sometimes I even forget to wear pants. Anyway, in honor of Casual Friday, here are the results of "ShopSmart" magazine's survey about women and jeans.

--The average woman owns SEVEN pairs of jeans . . . but only wears FOUR.

--91% of women own at least one pair of jeans. 25% of women own more than 10 pairs.

--ONE out of every TWO women has a pair of "aspirational" jeans that don't fit now . . . but she hopes will fit one day.

--62% use their jeans as a measurement to tell if they've gained weight.

--54% of women like the way they look in jeans. 8% absolutely HATE the way they look in jeans.

--The average woman says her oldest pair of jeans is SIX years old. But 20% of women have a pair of jeans that's at least ten years old.

--Women typically wash their jeans after wearing them two or three times. (--In contrast to men, many of whom still haven't realized that jeans are washable.) --Women say the worst offense in jeans is having your thong showing. Number two is a muffin top . . . number three are jeans that are way too tight . . . number four are jeans with inconveniently-placed holes . . . and number five are Mom Jeans. (PR Newswire)


A POLICE OFFICER IN GERMANY WINS AN EXTRA WEEK OFF BECAUSE OF THE TIME HE SPENDS GETTING DRESSED FOR WORK:

A court in Munster, Germany, just set a BAD legal precedent. --44-year-old Martin Schauder is a police officer in Munster and, earlier this year, he calculated that it takes him 15 minutes each day to get dressed for duty. So he asked his boss to PAY him for the 45 hours he spends getting dressed in a year. --Obviously, his boss refused. So Martin took the issue to an administrative court . . . and amazingly, they sided with him. They ruled that he deserves an extra week off of work each year to compensate him for his time getting dressed. --The police department is going to appeal to a higher court. (MSNBC)


A COURT HAS TO STEP IN AND ORDER A MOTHER TO STOP BREASTFEEDING HER SIX-YEAR-OLD SON:

How old is TOO OLD for your child to be breastfeeding? When he's two? Three? Well . . . there's a woman in Melbourne, Australia, who laughs at those puny numbers. --The woman, whose name hasn't been released, was still breastfeeding her son at age SIX. During a custody hearing, a court had to order her to STOP because he was just too old. --It also looks like she's not going to get custody . . . the courts have found her to, you know, be just a LITTLE bit unstable. They think the boy will be better off with the adoptive family he's been splitting time with. (News.com.au)


WHICH IS MORE EXPENSIVE: OWNING A CAT OR A DOG?

When it comes to owning a cat or a dog, usually it's a no-brainer . . . cats are terrible and dogs are awesome. But the website WalletPop.com did a cost breakdown of owning a cat versus owning a dog . . . and it's a one-sided MASSACRE.

--Adoption. A cat costs about $75 to $125 for adoption. A dog costs $75 to $200 for the same. ADVANTAGE: CATS.

--Spaying and neutering. It costs about $160 to neuter a cat and $290 to neuter a dog. Spaying is cheaper, but the price ratio stays about the same. ADVANTAGE: CATS.

--Routine health care. Assuming your pet is relatively healthy, it costs about the same for cats and dogs. ADVANTAGE: NONE.

--Setting up your home. Some stuff is the same for both, like food and water dishes and a collar. But dogs need more equipment, and it's more expensive . . . a leash, a crate, tougher toys, and more expensive treats. ADVANTAGE: CATS.

--Food. Cats like wet food . . . dogs are more likely to settle for cheaper dry food. Except most dogs eat more food than most cats, so things basically balance out. ADVANTAGE: NONE.

--Care when you're away. No contest. Cats just need someone to swap out their litter and food every few days. Dogs need walking and feeding multiple times in a day. ADVANTAGE: CATS. (WalletPop)


A GUY WANTED TO FRAME HIS EX, SO HE ASKED A FRIEND TO SHOOT HIM . . . ONLY THE FRIEND'S SHOT WAS A LITTLE TOO ACCURATE:

Over the weekend, 20-year-old Dwayne Moten of Dallas, Texas, came up with a scheme to get custody of his son. If he'd thought it out better, he might've seen the GIANT, GIANT FLAW in his scheme . . . but thinking clearly wasn't his strong suit. --Dwayne asked his friend, 20-year-old Jacob Wheeler, to shoot him. Not fatally of course, just a flesh wound. Then they'd blame the shooting on his ex-wife's new boyfriend. --That way the boyfriend would get locked up, and Dwayne could use the attempt on his life as leverage to get custody of his three-year-old son. --There was only one flaw in the plan. Turns out Jacob Wheeler was a better shot than either of them realized . . . so when Jacob shot Dwayne, he accidentally KILLED HIM. --Jacob was arrested and has been charged with murder. He also had an outstanding aggravated robbery charge. --I like how Senior Corporal Kevin Janse of the Dallas Police Department summed it up in a non-judgmental, Zen-like way, quote, "There are legal ways to get custody of a child, and taking a bullet and ultimately dying is definitely not one of those ways." (MyFoxDFW.com)


A GUY GOT BUSTED CROSSING THE BORDER WITH AN ANKLE MONITOR . . . AND TRIED TO BLAME SOLIDARITY WITH LINDSAY LOHAN:

We've got to give it up for 29-year-old Eugene Todie of Buffalo, New York . . . because this is an absolutely BRILLIANT lie. --Last week, Eugene was crossing the border on the way home from a visit to Canada, and he was using a fake passport. When Border Patrol searched him, they also found he was wearing an ankle monitor that measures his blood-alcohol level. --He tried to explain that there was no need to call the police: See, he wasn't wearing the ankle monitor because it was ordered by a judge . . . no, he got it from a friend and he was wearing it to show solidarity with LINDSAY LOHAN! --Unfortunately for Eugene, Border Patrol somehow saw right through his awesome lie . . . and found that he's being forced to wear the ankle monitor while he's on probation for contempt of court. --It was also a violation of his probation to go up into Canada in the first place. --Eugene received two federal charges: Misuse of a passport, and lying to border officials. And he'll also be facing charges for violating his probation. (Associated Press)


NAZZY’S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) HERE'S A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A "STAR WARS" AT-AT . . . IF IT WAS A PET DOG:

Remember the Imperial Walkers in "The Empire Strikes Back"? They were the giant armored things with four legs that attacked the rebels on Hoth. "Star Wars" dorks know them as AT-ATs. (--It's pronounced like two words, "at-at." Although there's some controversy over that in the Star Wars Dork Community. Here's an old toy commercial to help settle the 'debate': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUlL9jLlyzE.) --Anyway, some guy used stop-motion photography to make his toy AT-AT look and act like a dog: It licks itself, goes for a walk, pees on a fire hydrant, and even takes a dump that looks like Jabba the Hutt.
(--Search for "AT-AT day afternoon." And if you want to make an AT-AT costume for your real dog, check out "Dog AT AT Costume.")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CVYOCMpJRY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zrqx_rDHMpY


#2.) HERE'S A TRAILER FOR "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT" . . . IF IT WAS AN ACTION MOVIE:

Someone took a bunch of ridiculous "action" scenes from the show "Arrested Development" and turned them into a trailer for a fake action movie. If you know the show, it's pretty funny. (--Search for "Arrested Development action movie.")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpKhUnVotGM



THE FOUR BIGGEST ONLINE DATING LIES:

There's a dating website called OKCupid.com . . . it's like Match.com, but free . . . and they gathered data from their members for a list of the biggest lies people tell when they're online dating. Here are the top four . . .

#1.) HEIGHT. They looked at the averages for men and women in general, then they compared it to how tall people SAY they are on OKCupid.com. -They found out that, on average, both men and women add about TWO INCHES to their height when they list it in their online profile.

#2.) INCOME. They took into account where people lived, and what the average income was in their zip code, and found out that the average online dater adds 20% to their actual income. --And not surprisingly, the guys who SAY they make over $100,000 are the ones who get the most messages.

#3.) WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE. Most digital cameras tag each picture file with the date the photo was taken. So OKCupid went through and gathered up photos with dates, then divided them into two groups: "Hot" and "Not Hot." --Over one third of the "hot" photos . . . think bathing suits and guys flexing . . . were at least one year old. And 12% of them were at least THREE years old. Only 5% of the "not hot" photos were that old.

#4.) SEXUALITY. OKCupid looked at all its members who said they were "bisexual." And it turns out, only 23% of those members actually try to date both men and women. 77% of them only send messages to one or the other. --And even though 12% of women under the age of 35 SAY they're bisexual, only about 3% actually go after both sexes. (--Sorry guys.) (OKCupid.com)


THE FIVE STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP:


You might not know it, but every relationship can be broken up into five different stages. Okay, that's probably not really true . . . but the good people over at "Glamour" magazine gave it a shot anyway. Here's what they came up with . . .


#1.) PUPPY LUST. In the beginning, everything is new and fun, and you can't get enough of each other. You actually have to put effort into NOT calling and texting each other too much.


--There are nice gestures like flowers, and when you stay at each other's places, it's like two kids at a sleepover.


#2.) PUPPY LOVE. After a while, the excitement wears off, and it feels more like you really LIKE each other. There's no more spacing out calls, no more playing it cool, and you let each other see some flaws.


--Dinners and dates become less about impressing each other and more about getting to know each other. There are fewer gifts like flowers, but you get each other more practical stuff, and your friends ask you if it's going somewhere.


#3.) LEAVING STUFF BEHIND. At this stage you include each other in almost all your social plans. Sleeping together is a given. You leave stuff at each other's places, like toothbrushes and clothes. And eventually you have the "define the relationship" talk.


#4.) THE ROUTINE. Here, you figure out more about each other's boundaries. By now, hanging out with each other's friends together is just assumed. The calls and texts are more practical and less exciting. And there are fights and make-up sex.

#5.) THE PARENTS. If you're meeting the parents, you're going for it, and you'll inevitably start talking about the future. And after that, it tends to go one of two ways: A more intense 'routine' stage, or you break up. (Glamour)