HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (08-24-10)

TIGER WOODS AND ELIN NORDEGREN ARE OFFICIALLY DIVORCED:

TIGER WOODS and ELIN NORDEGREN finalized their divorce yesterday, in a courtroom in Panama City, Florida.

--Afterward, they released a statement saying, quote, "We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. --"While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us. --"Once we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure their future well-being. --"The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern." --Settlement terms were not disclosed, but sources say Elin probably walked away with AT LEAST $100 million . . . and possibly a lot more. --It's likely that Elin had to sign a confidentiality agreement to get the cash. So don't expect any tell-all interviews from her. --Elin had signed a prenup, but it was renegotiated after she and the rest of the world found out about Tiger's RESTLESS GROIN SYNDROME. --Going in, both of them were willing to share custody of their kids, 3-year-old Sam and 1-year-old Charlie, so we assume that's what they agreed on. --One final note: In the divorce documents, Elin asked that her maiden name be restored.


FANTASIA ADMITS SHE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE:

VH1 was able to capitalize on FANTASIA BARRINO'S heartbreak and sorrow by slapping together a "Behind the Music" special that airs tonight. (--Bonus for Fantasia: Her new album, "Back to Me", also drops today.) --Fantasia comes clean about her suicide attempt . . . and admits that's exactly what it was. --She says, quote, "I didn't have any fight in me. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted out. At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with . . . all of it, all of that (crap)." --She adds, quote, "I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills." --Obviously, the drama with her married boyfriend, Antwaun Cook, and his wife Paula helped push Fantasia over the edge. But there were some other factors. --She says, quote, "I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family . . . my father, dealing with men and their bull(crap) . . . I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it. --Fantasia says she was actually DISAPPOINTED at first that she hadn't succeeded in ending her life . . . quote, "I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], 'It didn't work, I'm still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.'" --But Fantasia's nurse helped snapped her out of it . . . quote, "She told me what I needed to hear. And she looked at me and said, 'You gotta get up, and you've gotta get out of here, 'cause you haven't fulfilled your destiny.'" (--Here's preview clip for tonight's "Behind the Music" . . .)
http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/fantasia-barrino-i-knew-exactly-what-i-was-doing-before-od-2010238
--We never really heard how Fantasia was saved from the clutches of death. But now we know. She texted her manager, Brian Dickens, and said, quote, "I love you." It struck him that this might be a GOODBYE MESSAGE. --So he texted her back, saying, quote, "You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid." About 10 minutes later, she texted back, quote, "Already did." So he rushed to her and made the save.


FANTASIA PERFORMED AT NBA STAR TYRUS THOMAS' BIRTHDAY PARTY:

About a week after FANTASIA'S August 9th hospitalization following her suicide attempt, she was back onstage, and looking and sounding pretty good. --She performed at a birthday party for TYRUS THOMAS, of the NBA's Charlotte Bobcats. -VH1 had cameras there, to capture the moment for either tonight's "Behind the Music" special or Fantasia's reality show, "Fantasia For Real". (--Or both.)
(--Here's some video . . .)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaT0meDkJeA


MARTIN SHORT'S WIFE HAS DIED:

MARTIN SHORT'S wife, Nancy Dolman, died Saturday at the family home in Pacific Palisades. She was 58. There's no word on the cause of death, but Nancy had been diagnosed with cancer in 2007. --Martin and Nancy were married for 30 years, and have three children, who are all in their 20s.


CHERYL HINES IS GETTING DIVORCED:

CHERYL HINES . . . who plays LARRY DAVID'S wife on HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm" . . . is divorcing her real-life husband, Paul Young. (--He's one of the founders of a production and management company called Principato-Young.) --They've been together for almost eight years, and have a 6-year-old daughter named Catherine. Cheryl is 44.


MILEY CYRUS HAS SEX, SMOKES POT, KISSES A GIRL AND GETS A BRAZILIAN WAX IN HER UPCOMING MOVIE:

MILEY CYRUS engages in some pretty wild behavior in her upcoming movie, "LOL: Laughing Out Loud". -In the course of the film, Miley's character loses her virginity, smokes pot, gets drunk, kisses a girl AND shows her mother . . . played by DEMI MOORE . . . her Brazilian wax. --Demi even has a line where she says, quote, "You're my daughter, and I won't let you turn into a porn star!" --In a recent interview with MTV News, however, Demi said that Miley is, quote, "incredibly grounded" and nothing like her character. (--Okay, since this is Miley Cyrus we're talking about, I assume there's going to be the usual firestorm of controversy. But I really think we should differentiate here, because this is ACTING.) (--Miley is playing a CHARACTER in a movie that's obviously not for kids. Hopefully, Bill O'Reilly will take this into account before he assembles another Fox News morality panel to attack her.)


TAYLOR LAUTNER IS SUFFERING FROM "EMOTIONAL DISTRESS" . . . BECAUSE A TRAILER HE ORDERED WASN'T DELIVERED ON TIME:

TAYLOR LAUTNER is suffering "emotional distress" . . . because a trailer he ordered wasn't delivered on time. --Taylor ordered a custom, tricked-out, $300,000 trailer from a place called McMahon RV. He was hoping to use it on the set of his new movie, "Abduction". It was supposed to delivered by June 21st, but it never showed up. --Taylor claims he has suffered emotional distress and ANNOYANCE . . . and he's suing McMahon RV for unspecified damages for fraud and breach of contract.


CHECK OUT SOME MICHAEL JACKSON FANS YELLING AT DR. CONRAD MURRAY:

DR. CONRAD MURRAY . . . the man who allegedly involuntary manslaughtered MICHAEL JACKSON . . . (???) . . . had a court hearing yesterday. And some MJ fans showed up at the courthouse to heckle him and call him a murderer.
(--Here's video . . .)
http://www.tmz.com/2010/08/23/dr-murray-taunted-murderer-murderer-michael-jackson-los-angeles-courtroom-video-footage/
(--It doesn't seem like too many people showed up. Where are Michael's legions of loyal supporters? Are they finally starting to move on with their lives?)


WESLEY SNIPES WILL NOT HAVE TO REPORT TO PRISON ON SEPTEMBER 2ND:

More than two years ago, WESLEY SNIPES was sentenced to three years in prison for tax evasion. But he was allowed to remain free while he appealed his conviction. --In July, an appeals court upheld the conviction AND the sentence. Shortly after that, a date of September 2nd was set for Wesley's surrender. --But yesterday, Wesley's lawyers asked for a stay, because the court had not yet ruled on several pending motions, including a request for a new trial. --A federal judge granted that stay, meaning that more than two years after Wesley's conviction, we still have no idea when he'll actually have to begin serving his sentence. (--And at this rate, if he's granted a new trial, they'll probably let him remain free for the duration of it. I'm starting to think Wesley Snipes will NEVER have to do his time.) (--But that might not be such a bad thing. Because if he goes to prison, he won't be able to make that action movie he's supposed to make with TELEVISION SUPERSTAR JOEY LAWRENCE.)


CHECK OUT PEE WEE HERMAN AT STURGIS:

PEE WEE HERMAN crashed this year's biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota . . . and FunnyOrDie.com was there to record the chaos. (--Check out the video here . . .)
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5bfde82a42/pee-wee-goes-to-sturgis?playlist=featured_videos


RANDY QUAID SAYS HIS FINANCIAL ADVISORS CAUSED HIM TO LOSE $10 MILLION:

RANDY QUAID has had his share of financial troubles these days . . . including unpaid hotel bills and problems with the IRS. But it looks like he's found someone else to blame. --Randy is suing several financial advisors, claiming they caused him to lose more than $10 million in, quote, "loans I did not need or want." He even says they forged his signature on financial documents.


LINDSAY LOHAN'S JUDGE IS GOING TO ISSUE SOME KIND OF RULING TODAY:

LINDSAY LOHAN'S new judge, Elden Fox, is going to issue some kind of ruling today. --No one knows what he's going to say, but it's probably safe to assume it'll have something to do with Lindsay's stay at UCLA Medical Center. --Lindsay was sentenced to 90 days of rehab . . . but the consensus lately is that she'll probably get out early. --There's actually supposed to be a hearing TOMORROW about the length of Lindsay's rehab stay. But maybe today's ruling will make that hearing unnecessary. --Lindsay's people reportedly want to cut her sentence by two-thirds, and spring her in 30 days instead of 90. --Lindsay entered rehab on August 2nd . . . which means she'd get out late next week if they're successful.


YOU MIGHT HAVE TO WAIT FOUR YEARS FOR THE "AVATAR" SEQUEL:

Don't hold your breath waiting for the "Avatar" sequel . . . or sequels. According to the "New York Post", JAMES CAMERON doesn't expect to have another installment in theaters until 2014. --But Cameron gave the "Post" a little insight into how the next TWO movies are going to work. He said, quote, "Right now, the thinking is that [films] two and three are going to be done together. --"They'll be released separately, probably a year apart or maybe even two, but they'll be done in a bunch. --"I'm mapping out the story line right now, so there's a proper arc that plays out over two films, but [it] buttons nicely at the end of two . . . --". . . so you don't get this horrible second-act 'Matrix' feeling, you know: 'I've just sat through a three-hour movie and (eff) all happened at the end!'" (--"Avatar" hits theaters again this Friday, with about eight and a half minutes of new footage. And the tricked-out DVD and Blu-ray editions will be in stores this November . . . just in time for Christmas . . . with even MORE extra footage.) (--A home 3D version won't be out until sometime next year, because they're waiting for the technology to catch up.)


SANDRA BULLOCK AND TOM HANKS MIGHT TEAM UP FOR A MOVIE:

SANDRA BULLOCK and TOM HANKS are in talks to team up for a movie called "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close". (--It's based on a novel of the same name by Jonathan Safran Foer.) --It's about a 9-year-old who has lost his father in the 9/11 attacks. After his father's death, he finds a key in a vase that belonged to his dad. And he searches all over Manhattan to find the lock that it opens. --Sandra and Tom wouldn't be co-stars, though. Sandra would have a starring role . . . while Tom's part is said to be pretty small.


DID KARA DIOGUARDI ASK TO BE DROPPED FROM "AMERICAN IDOL" TWO MONTHS AGO?

Maybe KARA DIOGUARDI didn't get fired from "American Idol" after all. --E! Online is reporting that Kara did NOT want to return to "Idol" for another season. A so-called "source" says, quote, "She went to Fox two months ago and told them she didn't want to do another season. She's ready to move on." --The rumor that Kara had been fired began last month . . . just after ELLEN DEGENERES announced that she was quitting "Idol". --From what we've heard, Kara was working off a year-to-year contract, which had not been renewed for the upcoming season. If Fox declined to pick it up, we thought that meant she was being FIRED, since we assumed she wanted to return. --But there's another angle to this. It's possible that Kara saw the writing on the wall, and tried to "quit" in an effort to avoid being strung along for the entire summer . . . kind of like what is happening now anyway. --The source adds, quote, "It's frustrating. […] She can't even take any meetings. Everyone wants to know what her schedule will be like, but she doesn't know. What happens if Fox tells her they still want her for next season?" (--A few weeks ago, Kara's father, Joe Dioguardi, said that Kara hadn't heard anything, and was disappointed with how "Idol" had handled things. But, he also said he thought Kara wanted to continue being a judge.)


JENNIFER ANISTON *WILL* REUNITE WITH COURTENEY COX ON "COUGAR TOWN":

The rumors were true: JENNIFER ANISTON will guest star on COURTENEY COX'S sitcom, "Cougar Town". She'll be on the second season premiere, which will air on September 22nd. --Jennifer will be playing a so-called "get-too-involved-in-your-life-type of therapist" . . . that Courteney's character sees. --For now, she's only scheduled to do one episode, but "Cougar Town" executive producer Bill Lawrence says they left the door open for her to return if she wants. --He said, quote, "We're implying that it's a therapist Courteney has been using for a while, and we're certainly not going to make it like they'll never see each other again. So I'm crossing my fingers that if she has a good time it'll happen again." (--After their long run on "Friends" together, Jennifer did a guest spot on Courteney's old FX show, "Dirt", in 2007. And as you may remember, they KISSED on that episode.)


THE LATEST "DANCING WITH THE STARS" SPECULATION:

"OK!" magazine is reporting that "Jersey Shore" stud MIKE "THE SITUATION" has signed on to compete on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars". (--If this IS true, it wouldn't be a complete surprise. Last month, TMZ said "The Situation" was in talks to do the show . . . but at the time, his manager said it wasn't happening. ABC, as usual, won't comment on any speculation.) --"OK!" also claims several other "stars" have signed on: "Hills" minx AUDRINA PATRIDGE . . . BRANDY, the singer (slash) terrible driver . . . and retired NFL quarterback KURT WARNER. (--But don't take any of this too seriously . . . this is "OK!" magazine we're talking about. Case in point: They also describe Kurt as the quarterback, who, quote, "led the Arizona Cardinals to a Super Bowl win in 1998.") (--In 1998, Kurt was the third-string quarterback on a St. Louis Rams team that didn't make the playoffs. He did win a Super Bowl . . . with the Rams, not with the Cardinals . . . in January of 2000. He was the MVP in that game.) (--It was his only Super Bowl victory, but he did play in the Super Bowl three times. One of those times was with the Cardinals. But that happened in 2009 . . . not 1998 . . . and they didn't win the game, the Pittsburgh Steelers did.) (--So, clearly "OK!" is a little lacking in the FACT-CHECKING department.)


MIKE "THE SITUATION" WILL REPORTEDLY PULL DOWN $5 MILLION THIS YEAR:

Here's your heartwarming back-to-school news of the day: Even if your kids are complete numbskulls, they still have a shot at success . . . because "Jersey Shore" stud MIKE "THE SITUATION" will reportedly pull down $5 MILLION this year. (???) --The "Hollywood Reporter" says The Situation's ridiculous income includes: Roughly $60,000 per episode of "Jersey Shore" . . . other "media opportunities" . . . and between $15,000 and $50,000 per event for appearances. (--And it sounds like he does A LOT of that. TMZ says The Situation will probably make $1 MILLION in appearance fees this year.) --He also has endorsement deals with Vitamin Water, Reebok, and Devotion Vodka, which is a new PROTEIN-INFUSED VODKA. (???) (--Word has it The Situation scored a $400,000 signing bonus in the vodka deal.) --He'll also have his own clothing line, chewable supplements through GNC, and will release an autobiography. And he has a fitness video out. --The Situation also has a rap song on iTunes . . . although he can't possibly be making much on that crap . . . and has been trying to launch a MOVIE career. --His manager says, quote, "Our goal has always been to try to build a brand if the situation presented itself."


A MASSIVE "LOST" AUCTION WENT DOWN OVER THE WEEKEND:

A massive "Lost" auction went down last weekend . . . in which over a thousand props, costumes and set pieces were sold to the highest bidder. --The blue and white Dharma van went for $47,500 . . . Hurley's Camaro went for $20,000 . . . and someone spent $22,500 on the time-shifting, frozen donkey wheel. (--You can find a partial list of the winning bids, by scrolling down here . . .)
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/08/23/lost-auction-the-dharma-van-went-for-how-much/
TUESDAY TV REMINDERS: (--Check your local listings.)

--"Minute to Win It" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--A Massachusetts woman goes up against a California girl for a chance at a million dollars.)

--"America's Got Talent" [Performance Show] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Twelve acts perform for a chance at the top ten spots in this semifinal round.)

--"Shaq vs." . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Shaquille O'Neal takes on Charles Barkley in a five-hole golf match and participates in a competitive-eating challenge with hot-dog-eating champion Joey Chestnut.)

--"HawthoRNe" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TNT.

--"Behind the Music: Fantasia" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on VH1. (--Fantasia discusses her suicide attempt . . . and admits she was indeed trying to kill herself.)

--"Gene Simmons Family Jewels" [5th Season Finale] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on A&E.

--"Growing Up Twisted" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on A&E.

--"Memphis Beat" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TNT.


NEW ON VIDEO TODAY

--"The Back-Up Plan" - A romantic comedy starring Jennifer Lopez as a chick so desperate for a baby, she decides to become a single mom. Then she has to hide her pregnancy after meeting the perfect guy. "Hawaii Five-O's" Alex O'Loughlin plays the poor sap who has to deal with her.

--"City Island" - When Andy Garcia decides to bring his long-lost ex-con son home to meet his family, everyone's dirty secrets come out. Julianna Margulies plays his wife and "10,000 B.C.'s" Steven Strait is the ex-con son. --Andy Garcia's real daughter, Dominik Garcia-Lorido, plays his sexy college student daughter . . . who's been secretly working as a stripper.

TV SERIES ON DVD:

--"NCIS: Season Seven" . . . a six-disc DVD set.
--"Gossip Girl: The Complete Third Season" . . . a five-disc DVD set.
--"The Simpsons: The 13th Season" . . . a four-disc DVD set.
--"Top Chef: Las Vegas (Season 6)" . . . a three-disc DVD set.
--"Lost: The Complete Sixth and Final Season" . . . a five-disc DVD set. They're also selling the entire series as a 38-disc collection.
--"The Flight of the Conchords: The Complete Collection" . . . a four-disc DVD set. (--It ran for two seasons.)


NEW MUSIC OUT TODAY


--"Teenage Dream", Katy Perry (--Of course, it includes "California Gurls", which features Snoop Dogg . . . plus her innuendo-filled song "Peacock", with the naughty lyrics, "Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?")

--"Versus", Usher (--A nine-song EP, with seven new tracks. It includes his single, "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love". Justin Bieber also helps out on a remix of "Somebody to Love". The other guests on the album include Jay-Z, Bun-B, and Pitbull.)

--"Back to Me", Fantasia (--It includes the single, "Bittersweet", and a track called "The Thrill is Gone", which features Cee-Lo Green of Gnarls Barkley.) (--Nothing like a little suicide attempt to drive up album sales. What? Too soon???)


TODAY'S NEW VIDEO GAMES

--"Mafia 2" . . . for the Xbox 360, the PS3 and the PC.

--"Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" . . . a downloadable arcade game for Xbox 360.

--And the Wii game "NHL 2K11" . . . plus "Grease: The Official Video Game", "Ivy the Kiwi" and "Harvest Moon: Grand Bazaar", which are available on both the Wii and the DS.


U2 HAVE DEBUTED A NEW SONG CALLED "EVERY BREAKING WAVE":

U2 are currently on tour in Europe . . . and at a show in Finland on Saturday, they debuted a new song called "Every Breaking Wave". After the performance, BONO said, quote, "No one has heard that before . . . including the two of us."
(--You can watch them perform "Every Breaking Wave", here . . .)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9C-z-dljsY
--The song was originally supposed to be on U2's last album, "No Line on the Horizon" . . . but at the last minute, it was kept off. It'll now be the first single off their next album, "Songs of Ascent". (--It doesn't have a release date yet.)


EDDIE VEDDER AND SLASH WILL APPEAR ON RON WOOD'S ALBUM:

ROLLING STONES guitarist RON WOOD has a new album called "I Feel Like Playing" coming out on September 28th . . . and it'll feature some high profile guests. --They include: Pearl Jam singer Eddie Vedder, Slash, Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea, ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons, country singer Kris Kristofferson, soul singer Bobby Womack and Ian McLagan, who was in The Faces with Ron in the early '70s.


KANYE WEST PLANS TO RELEASE ONE NEW SONG EVERY FRIDAY:

KANYE WEST has announced . . . on Twitter, of course . . . that he's going to drop a new track every weekend from now through Christmas. --He explains, quote, "I'm calling it Good Fridays. Yall know every Friday yall gone have a new joint from our family. We look at the game completely different now. It's about the fans. No more holding back." (--In addition to the Friday release date, it's probably called "Good Fridays" because Kanye's label is called G.O.O.D. Music. The G.O.O.D. acronym stands for: Getting Out Our Dreams.) --Kanye apparently kicked off Good Fridays last Friday by unleashing his "Power" remix. (--You can listen to it at the link below. ***WARNING***: It's UNEDITED, and contains several uncensored F-bombs and S-words.)
http://rapradar.com/2010/08/20/new-music-kanye-west-ft-jay-z-x-swizz-beatz-power-remix/
--Kanye says not all the tracks he releases will be his own. (--Kanye's next album, which is still untitled, is set to come out on November 16th.)


EMINEM WILL PERFORM AT THE "VMAs":

EMINEM will perform at this year's "MTV Video Music Awards", which will air on September 12th. KANYE WEST, B.o.B and JUSTIN BIEBER are also performing.


NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF

A NAIL SALON IN GEORGIA IS CHARGING MORE FOR SUPER CHUBBY CUSTOMERS . . . SINCE THEY'VE BEEN BREAKING THE CHAIRS:

--A nail salon in Lithonia, Georgia, called Natural Nails is getting press today . . . ever since they started charging super-chubby customers EXTRA MONEY. --They're tacking on a $5 fee to customers who look like they weigh upwards of 200 pounds . . . because their chairs are only constructed to hold that much . . . and the larger customers have been BUSTING the chairs. --The salon chairs are leather, they have massagers built in, and they have foot baths on the bottom. They cost about $2,500 each. --Michelle Fonville went to Natural Nails last week. She got a manicure, pedicure and eyebrow arch, and noticed her bill was $5 too high: It was supposed to be $24, but they charged her $29. So she asked the manager what was going on. --The manager told her the extra fee was because of her SIZE. Michelle said that wasn't fair. The manager responded, quote, "Do you think that's fair when we take $24 and we have to pay $2,500 [to fix the chair]?" --There's no word on whether the city of Lithonia is looking into the salon for discrimination. (ABC 2 - Atlanta)


THE MOST POPULAR DREAM JOB IN THE U.S. IS . . . MOVIE STAR:

I feel like back when I was a kid, if someone asked you for your dream job, you'd say "I want to be president of the United States!" --But now as adults, we all kinda realize THAT job takes years off your life and just makes people hate you . . . so now we make a much smarter pick for a dream job. --According to a new poll by Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York, the most popular dream job in the U.S. is . . . MOVIE STAR. --32% of American adults say that if they could have any job in the world, it would be a movie star. Professional athlete was second-most popular, at 29%. --Only 13% of people say their dream job is to be president. Strangely, that tied with ROCK STAR, which also got 13%. (--To me, that's a statement on just how FAR rock has fallen. In the '70s, ANYONE would've picked that over movie star.) --Men were far more likely than women to dream of being a professional athlete, 40% versus only 18%. Women were more likely to want to be a movie star, 37% to 26%. (New York Daily News (--Here are the full results of the poll broken down by region of the country, income, race, age and gender . . .)
http://maristpoll.marist.edu/wp-content/misc/usapolls/US100617/dream%20job/Dream_Job.htm


THE D.E.A. IS LOOKING TO HIRE NINE EXPERTS IN EBONICS:

I thought this kind of stuff was supposed to stop once we got a black president. But apparently, someone in government STILL believes that black people speak a different language than everyone else. --The Justice Department is looking for up to nine new linguists to work in the DEA's Atlanta field office and serve as EBONICS TRANSLATORS. --The DEA is looking for contractors who are fluent in 114 languages, and Ebonics is one of them. The translators will listen in on court-ordered phone taps and help translate what suspected drug dealers are saying. --Atlanta is the only city where the DEA is looking to staff Ebonics translators. The office there is also looking for 144 Spanish translators, plus people fluent in Vietnamese, Korean, Farsi, Laotian, Jamaican patois, and Chinese. --According to John Rickford, who's a professor of linguistics at Stanford, the basics of Ebonics can be summed up with these three main characteristics:

#1.) The final consonant is omitted in words like "past" or "hand" . . . they're pronounced "pas" and "han."

#2.) The "th" in words like "bath" is pronounced like a "t" or "f" . . . "bat" or "baf."

#3.) The vowel in words like "my" and "ride" may be a long "ah" sound . . . "mah rahd."

--And just so you know, the DEA spends about $70 MILLION worth of tax dollars every year on linguistics services. (The Smoking Gun)



AN LPGA GOLFER WAS DISQUALIFIED FROM A TOURNAMENT WHEN A TV VIEWER SAW HER BREAK A RULE . . . AND RATTED HER OUT BY EMAIL:

This story is for everyone who's ever watched a sporting event at home, screaming and cheering at the TV . . . and then thinking, "This is stupid . . . nothing I do here in my house has ANY influence on what happens." --Well . . . it turns out, you really CAN change the course of a professional sporting event from your living room. You just have to be as much of a DIRTY RAT as THIS particular hardcore fan of women's golf, whose name hasn't been made public. --On Saturday, the fan was watching the LPGA's Safeway Classic live on TV. A 50-year-old golfer named JULI INKSTER was only three shots back of the leader and had a chance to become the oldest woman EVER to win an LPGA tournament. --But before she took on the 10th hole of the course, she was interviewed by the Golf Channel. And afterwards, Juli took a few practice swings with her 9-iron and played the hole. --That's when this anonymous fan sprang into action. He or she saw that Juli had put a weighted "doughnut" on her club for her practice swings . . . those things that golfers use in practice so the club feels lighter and easier on their real swings. --But this fan somehow knew that the official rules make it ILLEGAL to use a weight during a round . . . you can only use one before you start play for the day. And that fan EMAILED the LPGA to tell them how Juli broke the rules. --Tournament officials read the email, reviewed the footage . . . and disqualified Juli from the tournament at the end of her round. --Juli was reportedly VERY surprised at the disqualification. She told reporters, quote, "I had a 30-minute wait and I needed to loosen up. It had no effect on my game whatsoever, but it is what it is. I'm very disappointed." (The Oregonian)


AND NOW, THREE NEW THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT:

#1.) YOU'RE NEVER TOO YOUNG FOR RECTAL CANCER. According to a study out of Philadelphia, rectal cancer rates are on the rise for people younger than 40 . . . going up almost 4% every year across all races and genders. -The researchers say this data shows why it's important to get screened for rectal cancer when you're younger . . . like most forms of cancer, it's much easier to treat when it's detected early. (Reuters)

#2.) MORE THAN 20,000 PEOPLE GET INJURED IN SLEDDING ACCIDENTS EVERY YEAR. No, August 24th apparently ISN'T too early to start worrying about this. For some reason, THIS is when these study results were released. --Over the past decade, 229,023 people (--which is more than 20,000 per year) younger than 19 were treated in ERs for sledding accidents. Fractures are the most common injury . . . and the majority happened during collisions. (Physorg)

#3.) OUR LOVE OF CHOPSTICKS IS KILLING CHINA'S FORESTS. China is the world's leader in manufacturing chopsticks . . . they make 45 billion pairs of disposable chopsticks a year, or 130 million pairs EVERY DAY. --Unfortunately, they get the wood from birch and poplar forests, which are getting torn down at the rate of 100 acres per day. Between 16 and 25 million trees are dying each year to make disposable chopsticks for the world. (Houston Chronicle)


ENERGY DRINKS HAVE UP TO 15 TIMES MORE CAFFEINE THAN COKE:

Deep down, we all know that the real reason energy drinks give you "wings" is because they're packed full of TONS and TONS OF CAFFEINE . . . but this really puts things into perspective. -According to a new study by Michigan State University, energy drinks can have up to FIFTEEN TIMES the amount of caffeine of a can of Coke. --A can of Coke has 34 milligrams of caffeine. A can of an energy drink . . . from Red Bull to Rockstar to Amp . . . has between 80 and 500 milligrams. --For reference, the average cup of coffee has between 90 and 150 milligrams of caffeine. A Venti at Starbucks . . . meaning the really big one . . . has 480 milligrams of caffeine . . . the same as the most caffeinated energy drinks. (Walletpop)



ONE OUT OF FOUR MEN TAKE A TEDDY BEAR ALONG ON BUSINESS TRIPS?

These numbers seem UNREASONABLY HIGH to me, so take them for what it's worth. --According to the Travelodge hotel chain, every year, more than 75,000 teddy bears get left behind by guests in their hotels. That's a pretty big number. But it's not the story here. The story is: It's not just irresponsible kids leaving them behind. --They've found that up to ONE-THIRD of adults still go to bed with a teddy bear . . . and 25% of adult men take a teddy bear on business trips. (???) (Gadling)


A BEIJING FREEWAY IS 10 DAYS INTO A TRAFFIC JAM . . . AND IT MAY NOT BE CLEARED UP FOR A FEW MORE WEEKS:

This is one of those things that would be earth-shattering news here in the U.S. . . . but just kinda makes sense in China. Right now in Beijing, there are people who've been stuck in a 62-mile traffic jam FOR TEN DAYS. With no end in sight. -Chinese officials had to close one freeway because it had been so damaged that it was un-drivable. That pushed all the traffic to another freeway, the Beijing-Tibet Expressway, on August 14th . . . and since then it's been hopelessly jammed. -According to officials, the traffic jam may not be fully cleared up until MID SEPTEMBER. Local residents have been taking advantage of China's new capitalism trend by selling noodles to stranded drivers . . . at inflated prices. (News.com.au)


NAZZY’S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) PEE-WEE HERMAN WENT TO THE STURGIS MOTORCYCLE RALLY:

Two weeks ago, PAUL REUBENS revived his PEE-WEE HERMAN character and went to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota. Now there's a video on FunnyOrDie.com where Pee-Wee hangs with bikers and even gets a tattoo.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5bfde82a42/pee-wee-goes-to-sturgis


#2.) A WOMAN FOUND A STRAY CAT . . . AND THREW IT IN THE TRASH:

A security camera outside a Catholic school in England caught some disturbing footage on Saturday. A middle-aged woman who was walking down the street saw a cat on the sidewalk and started petting it. Then she picked it up and threw it in a TRASH CAN.
(--Search for "genuine psychopath caught on camera cat." She throws it in the trash at :45.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FObxOfwAvF0


#3.) A YOUTUBE MUSICIAN PLAYED POP SONGS ON THE VIOLIN:

A guy on YouTube did a mash-up of pop songs on the VIOLIN, and the video's gotten over a million views. He does "Telephone" by Lady Gaga, "Blah Blah Blah" by Kesha, "Rude Boy" by Rihanna, and "OMG" by Usher.
(--Search for "Paul Dateh top 40 violin mashup.")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdSkr9kRBmY


#4.) HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR "FREE WILLY" . . . IF IT WAS A HORROR MOVIE:

Somebody recut the trailer for "Free Willy" to make it look like a HORROR movie about a REAL killer whale. (--Search for "Free Willy horror recut.")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQgPlzpyBds


#5.) ANOTHER JAPANESE BASEBALL PLAYER MADE "THE GREATEST CATCH IN HISTORY":

Three weeks ago, a Japanese baseball player for the Hiroshima Carp jumped on top of the center field fence and made what a lot of people said was the best ever. --And now ANOTHER center fielder for the SAME TEAM made the same catch. And he did it against the same opponent, and even the SAME PITCHER was on the mound (--Search for "Hiroshima Carp catch of the year sequel." Here's the new catch, and the one from earlier this month. In the first video, he makes the catch at :15.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQXX5LzOSss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaxpAkOWNM0




FOUR WEIRD THINGS AMERICANS BELIEVE:

According to a Pew Research poll, 18% of Americans still think President Obama is a Muslim. But here's a hint . . . HE'S NOT. Here are four MORE things Americans believe . . .

#1.) THAT THE SUN REVOLVES AROUND THE EARTH. Hopefully this has gone down in the last ten years, but in a 1999 Gallup poll, 18% of Americans said the Earth was the center of the universe. --In case you're keeping track . . . Galileo proved that wrong about 400 years ago.

#2.) ONE-THIRD OF AMERICANS BELIEVE IN GHOSTS. That's according to a poll the Associated Press did for Halloween in 2007. One-third of people ALSO said they believed in UFO's, and 19% believed in WITCHCRAFT.

#3.) THAT HUMANS AND DINOSAURS LIVED TOGETHER. We don't have the NATIONWIDE stats on this, but according to a recent survey by the University of Texas, that's what 30% of Texans believe.

#4.) THAT THE MOON LANDING WAS A HOAX. It's been over 40 years since NASA landed the first man on the moon, and polls consistently show that 6% of Americans still think they faked it. (FunnyOrDie.com / NYTimes.com)


SITE FOR SORE EYES:

www.regretsy.com

Sometimes crafting can go really, really wrong. Regretsy.com is a hall of fame for artistic impulses gone oddly awry. The site collects strange and regrettable handcrafts available for sale online, and presents them with scathing and hilarious commentary. But the best thing about Regretsy is that the crafters featured on the site have had dramatic surges in sales – many have sold out of their goods and are now filling backorders.


LIFESTYLES:
The New Gaming Playfield

Social games have only really caught on over the last two or three years, but the concept has caught on and exploded. A new study from NPD Group found that 20% of the U.S. population over the age of 6 has played a game on a social network website like Facebook in the last three months. That’s about 56.8 million players in the U.S. – a “significant number for a relatively new gaming activity,” says NPD. The report also found that 35% of social gamers had never played a videogame before prior to getting addicted. While a large percentage of gaming novices are made up of mostly females and older folks, it also shows that social games are catching on with more traditional gamers as well. There’s a fairly even gender split among social gamers, 47% male, 53% female. While you can play the games for free, 10% of social network game freaks have spent real money playing, and 11% say they are likely to make a future purchase.



DVR Addicts

According to the NDS DVR Report, who surveyed over 1,000 DVR owners, 70% of us who own a DVR say we can’t live without it. Other highlights:

· Owners rank the DVR the second most essential household technology item they cannot live without, beat only by the cell phone.
· Asked to rank the relative importance of a variety of household appliances, DVR owners ranked the machine as the third most indispensible item, after the washing machine and microwave.
· DVR owners with partners say that having a DVR makes for a happier home life.
· 89% of Americans, 81% of Brits, 80% of Australians and 78% of Italians reported that the DVR is improved their life