Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Jessica Alba Says She'll Never Get Her Pre-Baby Body Back:

JESSICA ALBA is expecting her second child. She's also expecting to never look as hot as she did before she started pumping out kids. --She tells "Allure" magazine, quote, "I can't ever get down to the weight I was before I had [my first child]. My body's just different. The jeans just sort of zip up differently, and things hang differently. --"It's a miracle what happens, but you definitely are different afterward. Unless you're Gisele." --On the plus side, it sounds like pregnancy has made Jessica a little RANDIER and more sexual. She says, quote, "[My sexuality isn't] something I embraced until I had my daughter. --"I saw how incredible and amazing it is to be a woman and to be able to create a life. There's a reason why certain areas of the body are desirable . . . because it all leads to reproduction. --"There's a science behind it all. It's not just to sell whatever you're selling on a billboard or a magazine or a movie."

Sergeant Scott Moore Says He Asked Mila Kunis Out on a Dare:

Marine Sergeant Scott Moore is a HERO. Not just for serving our country in Afghanistan . . . but for having the STONES to ask MILA KUNIS to be his date to the Marine Corps Ball. --As we heard yesterday, his effort paid off. Mila is going with him to the ball this November. And it's all because of a DARE. --He says, quote, "One of the Marines [in my battalion] bet that I wouldn't make the video and post it. Of course, a bet between Marines must be honored, so I took the chance. You can't make shots that you don't take, so I took the best shot I could." --He adds, quote, "I'm very excited about the opportunity to share the experience with Ms. Kunis and would like to thank her for accepting my offer." --As for how he felt when he heard Mila said yes, he says, quote, "My initial reaction was disbelief. It's going to be a great experience to meet her, and it's going to make the ball more special for everyone." --Sergeant Moore also appreciates the help he got from JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE . . . who pushed for Mila to say yes. Moore says, quote, "JT and I had this all planned from the start. He's been a great wingman. --"It's nice to know he can get over the jealousy to help a brother out. Just kidding. Justin Timberlake's encouragement definitely helped, I owe him one."

Are Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green On the Outs Since Shia LaBeouf Admitted He Nailed Megan?

We don't know if this is true, but it was inevitable that a tabloid would run with this story: --The marriage of MEGAN FOX and BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN is in a very precarious state ever since SHIA LABEOUF admitted that he nailed Megan a few years ago. --"OK!" magazine says that Shia introduced Megan to OPTIMUS PEEN back in 2008, while they were filming the second "Transformers" movie. --Megan and Brian were supposedly ON A BREAK from their relationship at the time . . . and it sounds like Brian already knew about it. But the fact that Shia made global headlines by revealing their sexual encounter is putting a strain on the marriage. --A so-called "source" says, quote, "Having Shia run his mouth now and brag about sleeping with Megan is awful for them. Technically [Megan] didn't do anything wrong since they were on break. [Still], they are so angry at Shia." --Megan and Brian started dating in 2004, and got married last year. People often refer to their relationship before they got hitched as "on-and-off". But apparently, Brian doesn't see it that way. --Check this out: Last year, Brian was asked about the supposed "off" periods in the relationship, and he said, quote, "We've been together for six years. Find a picture of one of us with any other boyfriend or girlfriend . . . I challenge you. --"You'll only find pictures of her doing press with Shia LaBeouf or me with my son. That's it. We never once dated anyone else or did anything else." --Which means that if Megan had sex with Shia LaBeouf, then she cheated on Brian. At least that's the way he would see it, given that statement.)

Katie Holmes Says Tom Cruise is a "Manly Romantic":

KATIE HOLMES calls TOM CRUISE a, quote, "manly romantic" in the new issue of "InStyle" magazine. --She adds, quote, "Two years ago he took me up on his P-51 Mustang, a fighter plane from World War 2. He painted the words, 'Kiss Me, Kate' on the side. --"It feels like you're on a bike in the sky. I thought, I'm either going to spend this whole flight totally freaked out or realize this is pretty thrilling." --Even though their careers often keep them apart, Katie says she and Tom do everything they can to keep the family together . . . quote, "In our family we have a policy: we make it work. --"We Skype, and we try not to go for a week without seeing each other. We're also very good at setting up camp wherever we go."
One of Charlie Sheen's Ex-Goddesses Says He's a Rock Star in Bed:

Mattress actress BREE OLSON may not be one of CHARLIE SHEEN'S goddesses anymore, but she doesn't have anything bad to say about him. Especially when it comes to his coital prowess. --Bree tells the new issue of "Playboy", quote, "He's intelligent, he's charismatic, he's superfunny. And he's good in bed. I mean, he's had a lot of practice." --"He's gentle and considerate . . . He's just a rock star. He's a powerhouse. He's a very sensual and sexual person, and when I was with him I felt as if we became one together, because he's just so enticing sexually." --But even though she's bisexual, Bree was NOT getting it on with Charlie's other goddess, NATALIE KENLY. She says, quote, "That was a lie. I didn't really even know her. Okay, all three of us got together, I think, twice. --"They did their thing together, and Charlie and I did our thing together. And we had two different beds. She and I would go to whichever bed, and he would pick. You know, 'Where am I sleeping tonight?'" --By the way . . . Bree is done with porno, and she's trying to become a legit actress. She says, quote, "I can do this. I'm so winning right now."

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller Aren't Requiring Each Other to Be Drug Tested:

Reason #5,658 to weep for the children of CHARLIE SHEEN and BROOKE MUELLER: --TMZ says that their custody deal states that neither of them has to undergo drug testing. --Let's face it: They both know there's a good chance they could FAIL a drug test, and that fear probably outweighed the potential benefit of catching the other one failing. --We haven't seen Charlie under the influence in a while . . . but then again, we haven't seen much of Charlie at all in a while. --Meanwhile, Brooke was just photographed the other day with what some people believe was a homemade, aluminum foil crackpipe in her hand. --She was also spotted in a seedy neighborhood in Hawaii recently, approaching a parked car with cash in her hand. We don't know what that was about . . . but we do know what it SOUNDS like. --Brooke currently has custody of the twins, Max and Bob. Charlie can see them every other weekend if he chooses to . . . but that hasn't really been happening. He's supposedly "busy" with work projects.

Sherwood Schwartz . . . The Creator of "The Brady Bunch" and "Gilligan's Island" . . . Has Died:

SHERWOOD SCHWARTZ . . . the man who created both "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch" . . . died yesterday in Los Angeles of natural causes. He was 94. --Schwartz not only created two of the most beloved shows in the history of TV, he also wrote their theme songs . . . which are also among the most popular in TV history. --Critics HATED the shows, but audiences latched on to them . . . especially in syndication during the '70s and '80s, which is when they became HUGE. --"Gilligan's" initial run lasted three seasons, from 1964 to 1967. "The Brady Bunch" aired for five seasons, from 1969 to 1974. --Schwartz is survived by his wife of 69 years, Mildred, plus three sons and a daughter. --At the time of his death, Schwartz was working on a movie version of "Gilligan's Island". (--And he reportedly wanted MICHAEL CERA to play Gilligan, and BEYONCÉ to play Ginger Grant, the movie star.) (--Only three members of the original "Gilligan's Island" cast are still alive. Russell "The Professor" Johnson is 86 . . . Dawn "Mary Ann" Wells is 72 . . . and Tina "Ginger" Louise is 77.) --The castaways' ship was named the SS Minnow after FCC Chairman Newton Minnow . . . who famously referred to TV as, quote, "a vast wasteland" in the early '60s.) (--Pretty much everyone from the "Brady Bunch" cast is still alive, except Robert Reed, who played the dad, Mike Brady. He died in 1992 of colon cancer and lymphoma. He was HIV-positive, but he did NOT have, or die of, AIDS, as is often reported.) (--If you count Sam the Butcher, then yeah, he's gone, too. The actor who played him, Allan Melvin, died in 2008.)

Sherwood Schwartz: The Stars React:

Here's what a few of SHERWOOD SCHWARTZ'S former co-workers had to say about his passing: --"Brady Bunch" star and formerly crab-infested actress FLORENCE HENDERSON said, quote, "Sherwood was a wonderful writer and producer, but more importantly he was a wonderful husband, father, grandfather and friend. --"I don't ever remember him losing his temper. Ultimately, he was a wonderful teacher in life and again, in death, he taught us how to leave with dignity and courage."

--BARRY "GREG BRADY" WILLIAMS said, quote, "As much as Robert Reed was like a dad to me, Sherwood was like a grandpa."

--And MAUREEN "MARCIA BRADY" MCCORMICK said, quote, "My mom, father and I would all go to Sherwood for advice because he always had a great answer. He'd tell you that you'd have the answer within; he'd always tell you how to turn something around to make it a positive."

--TINA LOUISE . . . a.k.a. Ginger from "Gilligan's Island" . . . said, quote, "Sherwood Schwartz brought laughter and comfort to millions of people. 'Gilligan's Island' was a family. He will be in our hearts forever."
(--And check this out: Sherwood wrote a short story about what would happen when he got to Heaven. He asked the "Hollywood Reporter" to publish it after he died. They did. You can read it here.)

Jerry Seinfeld is Selling His Colorado Home for $18 Million:

JERRY SEINFELD doesn't want his house in Telluride, Colorado anymore, so he's selling it. For just over $18 MILLION. The place has a deck that's bigger than most people's houses, at 5,500 square feet. --The house itself is 14,200 square feet, and has 11 bedroom and 11 bathrooms . . . which is the perfect setup for Jerry's family of FIVE. The house sits on 26 acres and has a heated, four-car garage. (--Check out some pictures here.)

Two Paparazzi Scumbags Were Cuffed By Police for Driving Recklessly to Get Pictures of Michael Jackson's Daughter Paris:

Two paparazzi scumbags were cuffed by the LAPD for driving recklessly and running red lights to get a picture of MICHAEL JACKSON'S 13-year-old daughter PARIS. (--Check out the two guys in cuffs here.) (TMZ) --There's no word who was driving Paris . . . but her brothers were reportedly not in the car with her. We assume it was someone in her car who called the cops. --According to TMZ, neither photographer was going to be arrested because police didn't see the actual offense. Instead, cops were going to write a crime report and send it to the L.A. City Attorney for "possible prosecution."

Kelly Osbourne Prevented Two Crimes in London on Monday:

KELLY OSBOURNE prevented two crimes in London on Monday . . . then Tweeted about her adventures. --First, she said, quote, "Just stopped two boys robbing a car. All I said was, 'Oy' and they ran like the wind. I did not realize I was that scary!" --An hour later, she Tweeted, quote, "WTF is going on tonight? I just stopped two boys with lacrosse sticks trying to push a [small, electric] G-Wizz car on its side! What's wrong with London police? --"I'm in one of the poshest parts of London, and it's like [effing] Crimewatch."

The Man Who Was Stalking Halle Berry Has Been Arrested:

Over the weekend, HALLE BERRY had to call police TWICE because of an intruder on her property. Well, the guy showed up AGAIN Monday night. And this time, they caught him. --He's 27-year-old Richard Franco, and Halle's security team collared him at around 11:00 P.M. He was booked on suspicion of felony stalking. There's no word what he wants from Halle, but she got a restraining order against him yesterday.

Check Out the Poster for "The Dark Knight Rises":

The official poster for "The Dark Knight Rises" has been released. Even though the movie is still a year away from hitting theaters, and the poster tells you absolutely nothing about it, I'm sure you want to see it anyway. (--You can check it out here.) (USA Today)

The "Evil Dead" Remake is About to Start Production:

A website called stirred up rumors yesterday that "Evil Dead 4" was happening, when they reported that the "fourth entry" in the series was about to start production in Detroit. --But it sounds like they had their information at least partially wrong. BRUCE CAMPBELL was asked about it on Twitter, and he said, quote, "Believe in the remake, dawg! The project is real. In the works. Cool as hell. Scary as hell." --In other words, we're talking about a REMAKE . . . not a sequel. (--Okay, so this movie is supposed to be all low-budget and old-school like the original "Evil Dead" . . . and Bruce and SAM RAIMI are going to be hands-on in making sure it turns out right.) (--Still, no matter how good it is, I don't know if it'll be good enough to make up for the fact that we STILL don't have Bruce Campbell back kicking Deadite ass in "Evil Dead 4".)
30 Classic Movie Opening Scenes:

"Entertainment Weekly" has put together a list of 30 Classic Movie Opening Scenes. They include the following . . .


--"West Side Story"

--"The Dark Knight"

--"The Lion King"



--"Pulp Fiction"


--"The Godfather"

--"The Hangover"

--"The Notebook"

--"Top Gun"

(--Check out the complete list here.)

Ted Danson Will Replace Laurence Fishburne on "CSI":

"CSI" has landed TED DANSON to replace LAURENCE FISHBURNE next season. Laurence replaced WILLIAM PETERSEN two-and-a-half years ago, but decided not to come back for another season. --Ted will be the new supervisor, who previously ran a crime lab in Portland. By the way, Ted is pulling double duty . . . because he'll remain on his HBO show "Bored to Death".

Check Out the Preview for Roseanne Barr's New Reality Show:

ROSEANNE BARR has a new reality show called "Roseanne's Nuts", which will premiere TONIGHT on Lifetime. It's about her new life in Hawaii, where she recently purchased a macadamia nut farm, with her boyfriend and his son. (--You can check out a video preview, here.)

Here's the Extended Trailer for the American "X Factor":

Fox aired an elaborate, two-minute preview for SIMON COWELL'S new "X Factor" show during the baseball All-Star Game last night. (--Here it is.) (--It teases the notion that this time it is NOT about the judges . . . but that turns out to be a nightmare, and we find out it WILL be all about Simon again. As he says at the end of the promo, quote, "What else did you expect?")
Check Out the First Trailer for the New "Dallas":

TNT has released the first trailer for the new "Dallas" show, which is based on the original series that ran for 14 seasons from 1978 to 1991. The new "Dallas" will debut next summer. (--For more details, you can revisit our previous rundown, here.) (--Here's the link to the trailer. In a way, it's exactly what you'd expect: The familiar returning characters, the classic theme song, and some hot new stars blended in.)

"Real Housewives of the Bible" Is on Its Way . . . to DVD:

Someone has created a rip-off of Bravo's "Real Housewives" series featuring Christian values. It's called "Real Housewives of the Bible" . . . but instead of being on TV, it's coming out as a two-part DVD sometime next month. --The person behind it says, quote, "We reenact scenes [from classic Biblical stories] which depict the stories of these troubled women in their relationships. We navigate through solutions so that they can really turn around their relationships." --Bravo didn't comment, except to highlight that they're NOT affiliated with this project. (--It's unclear if the Biblical housewives will all launch music careers like the ones on Bravo's shows.)

Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"Big Brother 13" [Power of Veto competition] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"So You Think You Can Dance" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Jesse Tyler Ferguson from "Modern Family" is a guest judge.)

--"America's Got Talent" [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Avril Lavigne performs.)

--"Roseanne's Nuts" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Lifetime. (--Roseanne Barr runs a 40-acre macadamia nut farm in Hawaii with her son and boyfriend in this new reality series.)

--"The 2011 ESPYS" . . . 9:00 to 11:30 P.M. on ESPN. (--"Saturday Night Live's" Seth Meyers is your host for the 19th annual sports awards.) (--The Arthur Ashe Courage Awards will be given to Dewey Rader Bozella, a former boxer who was sent to prison in 1983 for a murder he did not commit.)

--"Royal Pains" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on USA. (--Shiri Appleby from "Roswell" and "Life Unexpected" guest stars.)

--"Ghost Hunters International" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Syfy.

--"Sons of Guns" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Discovery.

--"Hot in Cleveland" . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land. (--Wayne Knight guest stars. Valerie Bertinelli asks for his help when she thinks Jane Leeves is on drugs.)

--"Rescue Me" [7th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on FX.

--"Damages" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on DirecTV. (--John Goodman joins the cast as an ex-marine who heads a military contracting firm.)

--"Behind the Music: Miranda Lambert" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on VH1.

--"Nicki Minaj" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on E! (--Nicki Minaj is profiled.)

--"One Man Army" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Discovery. (--It's hosted by a former Green Beret and each episode features four new contestants from the military or law enforcement, who are competing in grueling challenges for $10,000.)

--"The Franchise: A Season with the San Francisco Giants" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Showtime. (--This series covers life on and off the field with the players, families and coaches of the 2010 World Series Champions.)
--"Dance Moms" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Lifetime. (--A reality series about a Pittsburgh dance instructor, her young students and their mothers.)

--"Legend Quest" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Syfy. (--A symbologist searches for the Ark of the Covenant in Italy, France and Ethiopia.)

--"Who The (Bleep) Did I Marry?" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on ID.

--"I Married A Mobster" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on ID. (--"Sopranos" star Lorraine Bracco narrates a new tell-all by mob wives.)

--"Cee-Lo Green: Talking to Strangers" . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Fuse. (--Grace Potter and the Nocturnals perform and are interviewed by Cee-Lo Green.)

Mermaid Feud 2011: Lady Gaga Vs. Katy Perry?

Of course, feuds are nothing new in music. For example: --Hip-hop went through its infamous "Everyone Is Beefing with Everyone Era" . . . country had its "Which Former Boyfriend Is TAYLOR SWIFT Singing About?" thing . . . and in rock, there was the "Who Is COLDPLAY Ripping Off This Week?" stuff. --Now, there could be a pop music feud on the horizon between LADY GAGA and KATY PERRY . . . over MERMAIDS. --That's because Katy has posted a picture from the set of her upcoming video, in which she's wearing a mermaid costume. (--You can see it, here. Note that she's "planking" in the photo. The caption reads, quote, "PROPER planking FTW!" FTW means "For the Win" if you didn't know.) --This is "controversial" because earlier this week, Lady Gaga hinted that her next video would feature Yuyi, her new mermaid alter ego. --Just to be clear, for now there is NO feud . . . neither Katy nor Lady Gaga have commented on this mermaid crap, which could very well be a coincidence. But Lady Gaga's choreographer Laurieann Gibson has. --She Tweeted, quote, "Proud of my artist #1 in the world @LadyGaga her vision & passion. Even though they try to steal a tail, there's only 1 Mermaid. Swim On!!!" --For the record, Katy and Lady Gaga aren't the first pop stars to do a bizarre music video with a mermaid theme. MADONNA did it for her leg-obsessed "Cherish" video in 1989. (--You can watch it, here.) (--Madonna doesn't don a tail herself, but the video features plenty of mermen and a mer-child, who hangs out with Madonna as she sensually crawls through the surf on some beach.)

Demi Lovato Releases a New Song and Talks About Her Eating Disorder:

DEMI LOVATO unleashed her new song "Skyscraper" yesterday on RYAN SEACREST'S radio show. (--It's on iTunes, but you can listen to it, here.) --Demi also talked candidly about a few of the physical and emotional issues that caused her to go to rehab last November . . . including her eating disorder. --She said, quote, "My family has known that I've had issues with food and eating for about six years now. I was able to check in with them, but it got to a point where I just was lying . . . about eating and about being happy. --"There's a lot of pressure these days. I feel like I live in a city where no woman eats!" (--You can find two videos of the interview by scrolling down, here.)

Things We Should Do Because Justin Bieber Says So: Stop Texting While Driving . . . and Understand Kanye West:

When JUSTIN BIEBER talks, 13-year-old girls listen. That's a proven fact. But why shouldn't we all listen to the wise words of this universally loved teen pop superstar? (--You know, just in case he ends up being the second coming of Christ.) --Today, we have two important things that we're going to start doing . . . ONLY because Justin tells us to. --We start off with a safety tip: Do not text and drive. --Justin says, quote, "We need to change the attitudes in our society toward texting and driving and I am making it one of my personal goals to make this happen . . . --"Every night we perform we have a banner that goes up that says 'Don't Text and Drive' so it really means a lot to me." (???) (--Justin is pimping a smart-phone app that disables your phone's keypad while you're driving. Here's more info.) --And because of Justin, we're also going to REALLY try to "understand" KANYE WEST and all the egomaniacal stuff he does . . . to realize what a great guy he actually is. --Justin tells "XXL" magazine, quote, "I got to talk to him as a friend, and not like someone [in] business. He's not really an [A-hole] like everyone makes him out to be. I mean, he can, he can do bad things, but he's really generally a good guy."
Nicki Minaj Claims a Man "Struck" Her at a Hotel in Dallas:

NICKI MINAJ claims a man "struck" her during a fight at a Dallas hotel on Monday. --Here's what went down in a nutshell: Nicki was hanging out at the pool, when she began arguing with an unidentified man. This dude was "staying with" her at the hotel, so it wasn't a random guy. --Things got heated, and Nicki asked a hotel employee to call the police. --That's when the fight moved to their hotel room . . . and there, the man allegedly struck her on her lower lip. Apparently, Nicki wasn't hurt though. --When the authorities arrived, Nicki explained the situation. She said that she wasn't interested in pressing charges . . . and added that she wasn't in a relationship with the guy. (--By the time the cops got there, the guy had left.) --And that's all we know.


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

50 CENT was reportedly dumped by his girlfriend . . . because he didn't help her become a movie star. (Full Story)

HUGH HEFNER is not dead. (Full Story)

National treasure RODNEY KING was arrested on suspicion of DUI yesterday. (Full Story)

A replica of the house from the Pixar movie "Up" has been built in Utah, and it's going on the market soon. The asking price is $399,000. (Full Story)

R. KELLY is in danger of being foreclosed on. (Full Story)

Check out this AWESOME mash-up of ADAM SANDLER'S "Jack & Jill" trailer and a scene from the 1979 movie "Hardcore" in which GEORGE C. SCOTT realizes he's watching a porno movie starring his underage daughter. (Full Story)

MOUNTAIN guitarist LESLIE WEST is obviously not happy that he had to have the bottom half of his right leg amputated due to diabetes. But at least he's looking at the bright side. He says, quote, "It's a good thing it wasn't one of my arms. Then I'd really be [effed]." (Full Story)

Here are more details on COHEED AND CAMBRIA bassist MICHAEL TODD'S arrest for robbing a Walgreen's. (Full Story)

CHICKENFOOT are calling their second album "Chickenfoot 3". SAMMY HAGAR explains, quote, "It's so good, the songs are so tight, it's like we jumped right past having to make a second record." The disc hits stores September 27th. (Full Story)

Charges against FOXY BROWN for mooning her neighbor have been dropped . . . because the woman decided not to testify. (Full Story)

Consulting Companies Ask the Hardest and Weirdest Interview Questions:

A few years ago, tech companies like Google and Apple prided themselves on getting outside-the-box thinkers by asking weird questions at job interviews. They wanted to see how candidates approached a problem, so they asked stuff like "How many basketballs would fit into this room?" and "Why are manhole covers round?" --But according to the job search website, consulting companies have passed tech companies as the worst places to interview. Google is ranked 21st on their latest list of most difficult interviewers, just behind Amazon and eBay. --Global consulting firm McKinsey and Company has the toughest interviews, followed by trading firm Jane Street Capital and the LED company Cree. Three of the top five are consulting companies. Only one tech company made the top 10. --Check out some of the interview questions. And no, they didn't list the answers: --There are two light bulbs in a room. One's always on. The other comes on when you open the door.

-How can you tell which is which? (--Palantir Technologies)

-Estimate the size of the Swedish in vitro fertilization market. (Boston Consulting)

--Why do you like singing? (Boston Consulting)

--How are potholes formed? (Cree)

--What's 26 times 27? (Jane Street Capital)

--How many barbers would be needed in a city of 1 million? (Cree)

--Tell me a joke. (Red Ventures, a marketing firm) (Yahoo)

The Guy Who Caught Derek Jeter's 3,000th Hit Could Owe $13,000 in Taxes on the Free Stuff He Got:

Last Saturday, DEREK JETER got his 3,000th career hit. It was a home run. And a 23-year-old Verizon customer sales rep named Christian Lopez was the lucky guy who caught the ball. --He could've held it hostage and sold it at an auction for a minimum of $100,000. Instead, as a Yankees fan, he felt it was his duty to return the ball to Jeter. --To thank him, the Yankees gave him a luxury box for the rest of this season, plus some autographed bats, balls, and jerseys. The total value of Christian's haul is around $32,000. --Which is pretty cool for him. Except that the IRS knows about it. And it's taxable, just like someone winning a prize on a game show. --So now, Christian could be on the hook for anywhere from $5,000 to $13,000 in taxes. --He's handling this pretty well though. Quote, "Worse comes to worse, I'll have to pay the taxes. I'm not going to return the seats. --"The IRS has a job to do, so I'm not going to hold it against them, but it would be cool if they helped me out a little on this." --There's no word from the Yankees or Jeter if they've heard about this or if they plan to step in and help the guy out. (New York Daily News)

A Restaurant in Pennsylvania Banned Children Under Age Six Because "Their Volume Can't Be Controlled":

To a lot of people, Mike Vuick of Monroeville, Pennsylvania could be considered something of a cult hero. A hero in an almost IMPOSSIBLE battle: Convincing parents that their precious little angels AREN'T necessarily precious little angels. --Mike owns McDain's Restaurant and Golf Center in Monroeville. And he recently announced a new policy: As of this Saturday, all children under the age of six are BANNED FROM THE RESTAURANT. --In an email to his regulars, he wrote, quote, "We feel that McDain's is not a place for young children. Their volume can't be controlled and many, many times, they have disturbed other customers." --When some parents freaked out and told a local TV station, Mike took an even stronger stance against young kids in the restaurant. Quote, "I think it's the height of being impolite and selfish, and therefore, I instituted a policy." --And then, his best line of all: Quote, "You know, their child, maybe as it should be, is the center of their universe. But they don't realize it's not the center of THE universe." --What Mike is doing here IS legal. Restaurants aren't allowed to ban people of different races or handicaps or senior citizens because they're protected under the law . . . but there's no law that keeps someone from denying service to children. (ABC 4 - Pittsburgh)

There's an Obsession with Food and Fine Dining Caused by Brain Damage?

All things considered, you're better off NOT having brain damage. That being said . . . if you MUST have brain damage, this seems like a pretty good result. --Occasionally, when someone suffers damage to the right hemisphere of their brain, they develop a very rare condition called "Gourmand Syndrome." (--Pronounced GORE-mahnd.) --People who have Gourmand Syndrome suddenly have uncontrollable cravings for food . . . especially rich, delicious, fancy foods. --It can happen even if you're not a food snob, and if before your brain damage your finest meals came at, say, Applebee's. --There are downsides, of course. Besides, you know, the brain damage: People with Gourmand Syndrome tend to gain a lot of weight . . . and run out of money because they're blowing it on ridiculous dinners. --There's no known cure for Gourmand Syndrome. (Huffington Post)

A Six-Year-Old Girl Hits a Hole-In-One and Doesn't Celebrate . . . Because Her Dad Told Her to Always Stay Calm on a Golf Course:

There are two fantastic things about this story. One, a six-year-old girl does something in golf that most of us will never do. And two, the way she handles herself after she did it is just PERFECT. --Last week, six-year-old Reagan Kennedy of Bloomington, Illinois was golfing at a course called The Links at Ireland Grove with her family. And when she stepped up to the 85-yard par-three third hole, she hit a HOLE-IN-ONE. --She didn't scream. She didn't celebrate. All she did was calmly walk back to the cart. -Why? Reagan says that she's been playing golf since she was two, and back then her dad told her to always stay calm, cool, and relaxed on a golf course. So she did. After her hole-in-one she stayed calm because she respects the game. --Her 13-year-old sister Cheyenne told her that when you get a hole-in-one, though, it actually IS alright to celebrate a little. (ESPN)

A Man Without Health Insurance Begged EMTs Not to Take Him to the Hospital After a Crash . . . and Now He's Protesting His $40,000 Bill:

Terry Barth of Loomis, California doesn't have health insurance. He got rid of it when he lost his job. Last summer, he was out riding his motorcycle, crashed, and ended up smacking his head on the road. --When the EMTs arrived, Terry found himself in a virtually impossible scenario: He clearly needed medical attention . . . but without insurance, he knew he couldn't afford it. So he made his choice. He told them NOT to take him to the hospital.--They did anyway. --He was airlifted to a trauma center in Chico, California and treated for a concussion and a broken bone around his eye. Between the paramedics, helicopter, and procedures, his bills ended up being over $40,000. --And he's protesting. --He says he was basically KIDNAPPED by the EMTs. Quote, "They forced me to go when I said no. I just know if they had listened to me, I wouldn't have a bill." --Right now he's trying to work with California's state health insurance to qualify to get the bill lowered. He hasn't said whether he's considering SUING. --As for whether the EMTs did the right thing . . . in the case of a head injury, like Terry had, they ARE allowed to make a judgment call. If they'd listened to him saying "No" and something had happened to him later, they'd be liable. (CBS 13 - Sacramento)

An Unemployed Guy Will Let You Hunt Him For $10,000 . . . and For an Extra $2,000 He'll Do It Naked:

This guy seems desperate for attention, so let's throw him a bone and hope we're not sorry. --He's 28-year-old Mork Encino of Utah. That's the only location he gives . . . and he swears that's his real name. He's been unemployed for years, but he's found a way to make ends meet. --For $10,000 per person, he'll let you come to his ranch and hunt him. Hunters are allowed to use guns and booby traps. Mork says he's, quote, "willing to make the ultimate sacrifice" to earn money for his family. --Mork claims he won't be easy to bag. He says he's, quote, "faster than a wild turkey [and] smart as any God d*** wild boar". He'll only be armed with his wits and the clothes on his back. --And for an additional $2,000 per hunter, he'll strip down and let you hunt him naked. --So far, Mork says he's gotten some "pretty creepy" offers, but he hasn't accepted any yet. He admits that he'd rather use the attention he's getting to land a job than actually work as human prey. (Journal Constitution)


A Songwriter is Arrested for Choking His Girlfriend . . . After She Got Mad at Him For Never Writing Her a Love Song:

29-year-old Jason Banks of Ambridge, Pennsylvania is a songwriter. Not a famous one, mind you. Just a songwriter. --He's written love songs about several different women. But none about his girlfriend, a woman named Patricia Mixter. (--Her age wasn't released.) --And a few weeks ago, she complained that he'd written all these songs for other girls but never wrote her a love song. --And like a true a-hole, he responded by CHOKING HER and hitting her. --He was arrested and charged with simple assault. (Beaver County Times)

A Guy Gets 90 Days in Prison . . . For Shooting His Camaro When It Doesn't Start:

All things considered, it's probably a good thing this guy didn't manage to get on the road. --42-year-old Lauriano Lovato is from Kingman, Arizona (--100 miles southeast of Vegas). And he just got sentenced to 90 days in prison for causing a police standoff . . . after shooting his car when it wouldn't start. --Lauriano had trouble starting his Camaro back in April. So he took his gun and fired two rounds through the car windshield and into the dashboard. --Neighbors called the police, but by the time a SWAT team arrived, Lauriano was nowhere to be found. Because after shooting the car, he went back inside and went to sleep. --During a seven-hour standoff, police tried talking to Lauriano by loudspeaker, then threw a communication device into the house. Nothing woke Lauriano up until police came through the front door. --Lauriano took a plea deal and ended up with 90 days in prison and three years of probation. He pleaded guilty to discharging a gun unlawfully within city limits, and police dropped the disorderly conduct charges. --Police didn't say if alcohol was a factor, but Lauriano admitted to drinking the night before. --Lauriano was arrested for a similar offense a year ago, but those charges were dropped. (Kingman Daily Miner)


Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

If you think Casey Anthony was bad, check this out: A pharmacist in Oklahoma got life in prison a couple weeks ago . . . because in 2009, when two teenagers tried to rob the pharmacy, he shot one in the head, chased the other away, then came back and put five more bullets in the first robber. The guy had already been shot in the head, and if he was dead, it WOULD have been self defense. But since he was still unconscious, and the five EXTRA bullets killed him . . . it's murder? (Full Story)

A 38-year-old English guy on vacation in Wales tried to rescue an injured sea bird recently . . . but it got spooked by a dog, started pecking at his face, and punctured his right eyeball three times with its razor-sharp six-inch beak. Doctors stitched the guy's eye back together, but couldn't save his sight. (Full Story)

Cops in Washington state just caught a 19-year-old burglar responsible for a string of break-ins over the weekend . . . because he left his pet pit bull at the last place he robbed. (Full Story)

Cougar warning! There's an STD called 'trichomonas vaginalis', it's twice as common as previously thought . . . and it's particularly prevalent in women over 40. (Full Story)

A gun with a gun was running from the cops in Chicago on Monday night, and tried to hide in his house. But as he was entering he ran straight through a glass door, suffered multiple lacerations, and died at the hospital. (Full Story)

A guy in Washington state was arrested last Friday night for breaking into his ex-girlfriend's apartment and shaving her head . . . so she wouldn't be attractive to other men. (Full Story)

#1.) A Local Reporter Got Drenched by a Fire Department Helicopter at the Scene of a Wildfire:

A local reporter in Los Angeles was reporting on a small wildfire outside the city last week. And in the middle of her report, a helicopter flew overhead . . . and dropped hundreds of gallons of water on her. (--Search YouTube for "Reporter Soaked by Helicopter." It happens at :30.)

#2.) Here's a Girl Lip-Syncing an "Aladdin" Duet with Herself . . . with a Drawing of a Guy's Junk in the Background:

Okay, I know you can't make fun of kids anymore because of the whole bullying thing, so I'll just say there's an "amusing" video on YouTube of a girl lip-syncing the "Aladdin" song "A Whole New World", and it's great. --She does the girl's part and the guy's part in different costumes. And even by lip-sync standards, it's pretty bad. But the best thing is the somewhat prominent drawing of a guy's JUNK that you can see on her bedroom door in the background. (--Search for "Aladdin Kellycakeee." And apparently she's aware of the junk shot: In her bio it says, quote, "there's a chalk drawn penis because my friend thought it would be funny to draw and then made me promise to not erase it.") (--WARNING: There's profanity in the video description, including the F-word.)

#3.) Here's Will Forte in Skit About a Guy Whose Museum Audio Tour Works in the Real World:

WILL FORTE from "Saturday Night Live" is in a new video FunnyOrDie skit, where he accidentally walks out of a museum wearing one of those audio tour headsets . . . and it starts telling him things about the REAL world. -It tells him how the bar nuts are covered in fecal matter, and how the cute girl next to him just got stood up by her date. Then it helps him hook up with her, but there's a twist ending. (--When he wakes up in her bed the next morning, the headset reveals she's actually his long-lost sister. Then it says, "That's what you get for stealing from the museum." Search for "Audio Tour with Will Forte.") (--WARNING: This video includes the phrases "fecal matter" and "achieve orgasm.")

Four Small Changes That Can Make You a Lot Healthier:

OPRAH'S show might be off the air, but her website is still churning out advice. And there's an interesting article right now about small changes in your life that can make you a lot happier and healthier. Here are the top four.

#1.) Brush Your Teeth With Your Other Hand. Using your non-dominant hand stimulates the production of a protein called BDNF that can improve your long-term memory, and even put you in a better mood. (--BDNF stands for "brain-derived neurotrophic factor.") --According to Professor Moses Chao from the New York University School of Medicine, quote, "When you're depressed or under stress, your brain's production of BDNF plummets." --One of the things antidepressants do is raise your BDNF level. Obviously, using your opposite hand to brush your teeth won't raise it THAT much, but it can help.

#2.) Don't Drink Unfiltered Coffee. More and more studies are finding that unfiltered coffee . . . like the kind you get from an espresso machine or a French press . . . can raise your cholesterol level. --Researchers think it's because unfiltered coffee has more terpenes, which are compounds found in coffee bean oil. Just so you know, a regular cup of coffee at a place like McDonald's or Starbucks is filtered.

#3.) Eat an Apple 15 Minutes Before Lunch. Researchers at Penn State had one group of people eat apples, while a second group got the same number of calories, but in the form of applesauce and apple juice. --And the ones who ate the apples consumed an average of almost 190 fewer calories at lunch. It's because a whole apple has more fiber and more nutrients. Plus it just FEELS like you're eating more. --To make the study fair, they even had to take the peels off the apples, because otherwise the apple-eaters would have gotten WAY more fiber.

#4.) Eat an Ounce of Walnuts a Day. The average American's diet has a lot of fat and a lot of carbs. And most people don't realize it, but a bad enough diet can damage your liver and lead to cirrhosis . . . even if you've never had a drink. --So in a perfect world, you should be eating more fruits, vegetables, fish and whole grains. But one of the easiest ways to improve liver function is to eat an ounce of walnuts a day. They help protect your liver because they contain omega-3s. (


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