HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (09-08-11)

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Very Understanding When It Comes to Extramarital Affairs:

As far as we know, GWYNETH PALTROW and her husband CHRIS MARTIN are faithful to each other. --But then again, maybe not. Because in a new interview with Britain's "Daily Mail", Gwyneth admits she's very understanding when it comes to cheating. --She says, quote, "I am a great romantic. But I also think you can be a romantic and a realist. --"Life is complicated and long and I know people that I respect and admire and look up to who have had extra-marital affairs." --She adds, quote, "We're flawed . . . we're human beings and sometimes you make choices that other people are going to judge. That's their problem, but I think that the more I live my life, the more I learn not to judge people for what they do. --"I think we're all trying our best, but life is complicated." --But she also seems to suggest that things are solid at home . . . quote, "I'm lucky . . . I have a wonderful, blessed life. I have two fantastically delightful children and a very nice husband. Knock on wood!"


Jessica Simpson Loves Her Boobs and Will Not Get Them Reduced:

It's official and Thank God: That story about JESSICA SIMPSON wanting to get a breast reduction before her wedding was A COMPLETE LOAD. --Yesterday, Jessica Tweeted, quote, "Been getting lots of questions about this alleged breast reduction...not to worry, I LOVE MY BOOBIES!! They aren't going anywhere!"


Is Joe Jonas After Taylor Swift Again?

JOE JONAS has reportedly re-established contact with ex-girlfriend TAYLOR SWIFT, and he's trying to win her back. --A so-called "source" says, quote, "He wants her back. He wants to show her he's a changed man and would love to see what's possible between them." --Sure, they wrote catty songs about each other after he ended the relationship with a 27-second phone call back in 2008, but they're trying to put that behind them. While they're just friends for the moment, a source says they're, quote, "testing the waters." (--Taylor wrote "Forever and Always" about the breakup . . . and also took a shot at Joe's next girlfriend, Camilla Belle, in "Better Than Revenge". Joe took a shot at Taylor in his song "Much Better".)


Denise Richards Once Showed Up to a Date with Simon Cowell . . . Eight Months Pregnant:

SIMON COWELL revealed on Howard Stern's radio show yesterday that some friends tried to set him up with DENISE RICHARDS years ago. But the date didn't work out . . . because she showed up EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT. --Simon said, quote, "She turned up 8 months pregnant and had a dog in her handbag." --Although he also admitted, quote, "She is gorgeous. I liked her a lot, I think she's cute, funny, a bit of a wacko . . . but I like that." --Denise and CHARLIE SHEEN have two daughters, 7-year-old Sam and 6-year-old Lola. She must have been pregnant with Lola during this date . . . because Denise filed for divorce from Charlie in March of 2005, and gave birth to Lola that June.


Lady Gaga Might Be Dating Taylor Kinney from "The Vampire Diaries":

LADY GAGA is reportedly dating TAYLOR KINNEY . . . who played the now-deceased werewolf Mason Lockwood on "The Vampire Diaries". He's also in Gaga's "You and I" video, which is where they met. --A source says, quote, "It was just casual at first, but things are getting pretty hot and heavy."


Reese Witherspoon Was Hit By a Car While Jogging . . . But She'll Be Fine:

REESE WITHERSPOON was hit by a car while jogging in Santa Monica yesterday . . . but she's going to be fine. --The accident occurred at about 11:00 A.M., and Reese was rushed to a local hospital. But police say she only suffered minor injuries, and as of last night, her rep said she was, quote, "resting comfortably at home." --The car that hit her was only going about 20 miles per hour, and the driver . . . an 84-year-old woman . . . was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk. --In semi-related news, Reese has revealed what she claims is, quote, "the most horrifying thing someone has ever said to me in my entire life." And it has nothing to do with her chin. --Are you ready for it? Here it comes . . . quote, "No man will ever accept your children." --Yeah, that's it. But I guess that's a terrifying thought to a woman in her 30s. --Obviously, it wasn't true. Because Reese married Hollywood agent Jim Toth earlier this year. She has two kids from her failed marriage to Ryan Phillippe. They're 8 and 11.
Did 17-Year-Old Ali Lohan Have Plastic Surgery On Her Face?

Did 17-year-old ALI LOHAN get her face rearranged by a plastic surgeon? It sure looks that way from some paparazzi pics that surfaced yesterday. Ali signed a modeling contract back in August. --Between then and now, her look seems to have changed considerably. (--Check out one of those paparazzi pics, along with a comparison pic of Ali from two years ago. There's quite a difference. But is it SURGICAL? You make the call.) (D-Listed)


Rosie O'Donnell is Nice Again . . . Thanks to Estrogen:

When ROSIE O'DONNELL got her own talk show in 1996, she was so sugary-sweet on the air that she was given the title, "The Queen of Nice". --But that basically ended after the Columbine High School massacre in 1999, which prompted Rosie to become an anti-gun PITBULL. --A month after the shootings, Rosie launched a surprise attack on TOM SELLECK . . . a Republican and NRA supporter who had come on her show to talk about his latest movie. And that was the last we saw of "nice" Rosie. --Things only got worse during Rosie's short tenure on "The View" in 2006. She spent her time railing against PRESIDENT BUSH, feuding with DONALD TRUMP and arguing incessantly with co-host ELISABETH HASSELBECK. --So now, Rosie's got a new show debuting on OPRAH WINFREY'S network next month. Which Rosie will we get? --Apparently, the NICE one . . . thanks to HORMONE THERAPY. --In a new interview in Oprah's "O" magazine, Rosie says ESTROGEN has made all the difference . . . quote, "I had, like, zero estrogen. And since I got some, I've been able to function more normally. I've stopped being so angry." --She adds, quote, "I think I had a lot more rage than I was aware of. But I've gotten back access to my other feelings. I'm not cut off from my emotions anymore . . . The rage has gone away . . . There's been a healing." --Meanwhile, Oprah reveals why she chose to put Rosie on her network . . . quote, "In 25 years of doing my show only one competitor ever seriously challenged me in the ratings: Rosie O'Donnell. --"From the day Rosie took her place among the crowded field of talk show hosts, I knew she had the 'It' thing."


(NC-17) Ben & Jerry's Now Has a Flavor Called Schweddy Balls:

Ben & Jerry's has announced its new ice cream flavor: SCHWEDDY BALLS. It's based on an old "Saturday Night Live" skit featuring ANA GASTEYER, MOLLY SHANNON and guest host ALEC BALDWIN. --The flavor is "Vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum, loaded with fudge-covered rum and malt balls." (--You can read more about it, along with Alec's reaction to the announcement . . . and see the original "SNL" skit . . . here.) (--WARNING!!! The skit is basically just one testicular pun after another.)


Could Peyton Manning Miss the Entire Season?

It's a big enough deal that PEYTON MANNING won't be taking the field when the Indianapolis Colts take on the Houston Texans on Sunday. But now there's talk he could miss the entire season. --Indianapolis radio station WNDE reported yesterday that Manning had another surgery either Sunday or Monday, and he's done for. --However . . . "Sports Illustrated" reporter Peter King says that's not true. But he added that Manning COULD have another surgery. It hasn't been decided yet. --Manning is still recovering from a procedure he had on his neck back in May to repair a damaged nerve. KERRY COLLINS was yanked out of retirement and will quarterback the Colts until further notice. --When Manning hits the sidelines on Sunday, his streak of 227 consecutive starts comes to an end. He leads all active quarterbacks and is second only to BRETT FAVRE on the all-time list. Favre had 321 consecutive starts. --With Manning out of the running, the QB with the longest streak still intact is his BROTHER, Giants quarterback ELI MANNING. --Eli will make his 111th consecutive start when the Giants take on the Washington Redskins on Sunday.


Several Former NHL Players Were Killed When a Russian Hockey Team's Plane Crashed:

PAVOL DEMITRA and several other former NHL players were killed when a plane carrying their Russian hockey team crashed outside of Moscow yesterday morning. --The team . . . called the Lokomotiv Yaroslavl . . . was on its way to Belarus for its season opener. The cause of the crash hasn't been determined yet. --A total of 43 people were killed. Only two survived. Other former NHL players who died included Karel Rachunek, Josef Vasicek, Igor Korolev and Alexander Karpovtsev. --Also on the list of casualties was Brad McCrimmon . . . a former player and assistant coach for the Detroit Red Wings, who was going to make his head coaching debut tonight. (--Here's a news video that shows the wreckage.)
NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND

"Contagion", "Warrior", and "Bucky Larson" Are This Week's New Movies:

#1.) "Contagion" (PG-13)

A medical thriller from director Steven Soderbergh. It's about an epidemic caused by a lethal airborne virus. The movie starts with Gwyneth Paltrow as the first victim and Matt Damon as her grieving husband. --Laurence Fishburne, Kate Winslet, and Oscar-winning French actress Marion Cotillard are doctors trying to find a cure. And Jude Law is an activist who causes worldwide panic when he blogs about it. (Trailer)


#2.) "Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star" (R)

Comedian Nick Swardson plays a guy who finds out his conservative parents used to be porn stars. So despite his buck-teeth, small package, and complete lack of sexual experience, he decides that's HIS destiny too. Don Johnson is the porn director who breaks him into the business, and Christina Ricci is in it too. (Trailer) (--Swardson's been in a lot of Adam Sandler movies, and Sandler produced this one too. It's directed by a guy named Tom Brady, but it's not THAT Tom Brady.)


#3.) "Warrior" (PG-13)

Two brothers end up fighting against each other for an MMA championship: One's a physics teacher who returns to the ring because his family desperately needs money, and the other is a war hero escaping his past. --Nick Nolte plays their dad. The teacher is played by Joel Edgerton, whose biggest claim to fame is playing Uncle Owen in the "Star Wars" prequel "Revenge of the Sith". Tom Hardy, a.k.a. Bane in "The Dark Knight Rises", plays the former Marine. (Trailer)


There's An Outtake From One of the Indiana Jones Movies Where Barbra Streisand Whips Harrison Ford . . . and Carrie Fisher Comes to His Rescue:

Remember that scene in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" where HARRISON FORD is being whipped by BARBRA STREISAND, but then CARRIE FISHER jumps in to save him? --And then Irvin Kershner . . . the director of "The Empire Strikes Back" . . . jumps into the scene acting like HE'S the director, and tells Ford his acting sucks? --Of course you don't . . . because that never happened. --Although actually, it did. While they were filming the movie back in 1983, director STEVEN SPIELBERG played a little joke on Harrison by organizing all this chaos. --And finally, after nearly 30 years, a completely DISMAL copy of the footage has found its way online. --While Streisand is whipping Harrison, she's ripping on some of his old movies . . . then she says, quote, "This is for all the money you're going to make on 'Return of the Jedi'!" --When Carrie Fisher comes out to save Harrison, he shouts, "Who's that?" And she replies, quote, "Someone who needs you!" . . . which is a line from "Jedi". Then she kisses him. --That's when Kershner comes in and says, quote, "What the hell is the matter with you? . . . Come on! I don't believe one word you're saying. Now come on, do it again." --Then he adds, quote, "You call that shouting? You call that pain?" --Perhaps the most interesting part is the very end, when Barbra Streisand . . . who's a huge supporter of the gay community and has a gay son herself . . . uses that gay slur that rhymes with the last name of planet Earth's most treasured comedian, BOB SAGET. --She says, quote, "I feel like a [Rhymes with Saget]!" (--You can see the video . . . and read a much-needed transcription . . . here. You can see a larger version of the video here.) (--WARNING!!! It's hard to make out, but you CAN hear that gay slur at the end.)
Anderson Cooper Wishes He Wasn't a Silver Fox! And He Hates Wearing Sunglasses?

ANDERSON COOPER did one of "Us" magazine's "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" lists . . . and he confesses that he started going gray in college, but he says he wishes he WASN'T a SILVER FOX! (--Attica! Take it back!)

--Here are a few other highlights from his list:

--"I became a reporter by going to wars by myself with a camera and a fake press pass."

--"I was a Dungeons & Dragons geek when I was young. I spent a lot of time indoors."

--"I was a child model. Embarrassing!"

--"I work out nearly every day. Yes, I know how annoying that sounds."

--"I don't drink any hot liquids. No tea, no coffee."

--"Oddly, my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee."

--"I don't like to wear sunglasses, no matter how bright it is." (???)

(--You can find the complete list, here.)
(--And here's a picture of Anderson wearing some insufferable sunglasses . . . along with some old photos from his pre-"silver fox" childhood.)


Kate Gosselin Is Now Unemployed . . . and "Freaking Out Big Time":

The final episode of "Kate Plus 8" airs next Monday, and that means KATE GOSSELIN and her kids will not be on TV for the first time since 2005. Now that she's unemployed, Kate says she's, quote, "freaking out big time." --She tells "People" magazine, quote, "My kids weren't ready [to leave reality TV]. Nobody was. I've never quit a job in my life without having something else lined up. This has been ended for me on a moment's notice. I don't know what's next." --Kate says she'd prefer to stay IN the public eye . . . quote, "I want to stay in TV because I feel comfortable there, it's an exciting life. I'd really love to find a place of my own on a talk show or something like that." --But if that doesn't work out, she will look for a regular job. She says, quote, "[Initially], I said, 'I'll go back to my old nursing job.' If nothing comes up, I'll do it. --"But the scary reality is, 12-hour nursing shifts every day wouldn't let me continue to provide well for eight kids essentially on my own. When you think about it that way, it gets really scary." --Especially since the kids are all used to a fairly ballin' lifestyle. --Kate says, quote, "I told them I will work my fingers to the bone to make sure that they can stay here and go to their school. There are no guarantees in life for anyone, but they know that I'm giving it my best shot."


The Top-Earning Celebrity Moms:

The unstoppable list makers at Forbes.com have put out a list of the Top-Earning Celebrity Moms. --Obviously, KATE GOSSELIN and THE OCTOMOM aren't on it. Forbes didn't give bonus points for having way too many kids, or for being completely unlikable. --Here they are, along with their estimated earnings in the year between May of last year and this past May:

1.) Reality TV "star" Bethenny Frankel, $55 million

2.) Gisele Bundchen and Judge Judy Sheindlin tied with $45 million

4.) Author Danielle Steel, $35 million

5.) Angelina Jolie and Sarah Jessica Parker tied with $30 million

7.) Reese Witherspoon, $28 million

8.) Jennifer Lopez, $25 million

9.) Author Janet Evanovich and Pink tied with $22 million

(--BEYONCÉ is pregnant with her first child, so she should be on this list next year. If she was already a mom, she would've tied for third with Danielle Steel this year, because she pulled down $35 million.)


(NC-17) NBC Is Developing a Show Called "My Friend Is a Lesbo":

NBC is developing a comedy called "My Friend Is a Lesbo". --It's about, quote, "two female best friends, one gay and one straight, who help one another navigate life, love and dating in Los Angeles." (--Let's give it the benefit of the doubt and say it's probably funnier than it sounds.) --The show is still early in development, so there aren't any additional details yet. (--One thing we can be sure of is that the potentially-offensive title is nothing more than an attention-getter, and it's a GUARANTEE that if the show gets picked up, they'll have to rename it.)


And Now . . . Here Comes a Show About a Dog Who Solves Crimes:

If there's anything we've learned from TV over the years, it's that ANYONE can solve mysteries . . . so you don't have to be an actual detective or anything. And now, TV is about to show us that you don't even have to be HUMAN. --TNT is developing a drama called "Scent of the Missing" . . . and it's about an "adrenaline junkie" who leads a canine search-and-rescue team alongside "her best friend and partner, a golden retriever." It's based on a book of the same name. --That's all we know for now. (--Why not take it one step further? How about a blind person, who solves mysteries with the help of their service dog? Now, THAT'S something I would watch.)


Thursday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"Sunday Night Football" [25th Season Premiere]. . . 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on NBC. (--The Green Bay Packers host the New Orleans Saints at Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin.)

--"CBS Fall Preview" . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--The cast of "The Big Bang Theory" hosts this preview of CBS' new fall shows.)

--"Burn Notice" [5th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on USA.

--"Big Brother 13" [Eviction Night] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"Project Runway" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Lifetime. (--Fashion designer Rachel Roy and "Damages" star Rose Byrne are guest judges.)

--"Rookie Blue" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"Futurama" [6th Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Comedy Central.

--"Suits" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on USA. (--Chi McBride guest stars as a district attorney who's more interested in upholding the system than in seeking out justice.)

--"Wilfred" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on FX.

--"Louie" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on FX.

--"Yard Crashers" [6th Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on DYI.


MTV's "Songs of the Summer" List:

Since the days of summer are winding down, MTV conducted a poll to determine the top Songs of the Summer. Nearly 500,000 votes were cast. Here are the results:

1.) "Lighters", Bad Meets Evil . . . It had 38.2% of the vote. (--Bad Meets Evil is Eminem and Royce Da 5'9". The track also features Bruno Mars.)

2.) "I Wanna Go", Britney Spears . . . It had 36.6% of the vote.

3.) "The Edge of Glory", Lady Gaga . . . It had 11.9% of the vote.

4.) "S&M", Rihanna . . . It had 7.9% of the vote.

5.) "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)", Katy Perry . . . It had 1.2% of the vote.

--Those five songs accounted for 95.8% of the vote, and no other song managed to draw at least 1%.

--Regardless, some of the other songs that got a few votes included:

--Adele's "Rolling in the Deep", LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem", Pitbull's "Give Me Everything", Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" and "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera.


Soulja Boy's Army-Dissing Track Won't Be on His Next Album:

SOULJA BOY is in FULL damage control mode. His rep says that his controversial track "Let's Be Real" . . . the one with the "[eff] all the army troops lyric" . . . will NOT be on his next album, "Respect My Hustle". --Soulja Boy has already apologized . . . and his rep says his people have been "working nonstop" to erase the video of the track from the Internet.


THURSDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:


ANDREA MITCHELL of NBC News announced yesterday she has breast cancer. (Full Story)


Miss Universe officials have told Miss Colombia that she has to start wearing panties. (Full Story)


Yesterday, people started buying up the new porno Internet addresses ending in .XXX. But there are about 4,000 celebrities whose names are permanently blocked from being used . . . like Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox, Sarah Palin and, sadly, Betty White. (Full Story)


ELIZABETH TAYLOR'S entire jewelry collection is going on a world tour beginning next month . . . then it's being auctioned off in December. It's said to be worth an estimated $30 million. (Full Story) (More Photos)


EVAN RACHEL WOOD was accidentally elbowed in the face while dancing at a Paris nightclub, and had one of her teeth knocked out. But she's already been to the dentist to have it fixed. (Full Story with picture of tooth)


NEIL DIAMOND is engaged. This will be his third marriage. (Full Story)


JUSTIN BIEBER has the most-Googled celebrity haircut of 2011. (Full Story)


ELISABETTA CANALIS says she has no clue why ABC erased her tattoos in her promo shot for "Dancing with the Stars". A "source" says the photos were uploaded "by mistake" and the new pictures will include her tattoos. (Full Story)


TREVOR DONOVAN has no problems getting girls in real life, despite playing a gay character on "90210". He says, quote, "It's been good for me. Girls want to challenge it. They kind of assume I'm [gay in real life] and try to change me back. Of course, I let them!" (Full Story)


RANDOM STUFF

The Dallas Cowboys are the Most Valuable NFL Team:

To the delight of most of this country, the Dallas Cowboys will not be the number one team at the end of this NFL season. But hey, at least they won THIS. --In honor of the NFL season kicking off tonight, Forbes just released its annual list ranking the 32 NFL franchises by their value. And for the fifth straight year, Dallas came in first place. --The Cowboys are worth $1.85 BILLION, up 2% from last year. They have a powerful brand that includes huge merchandise sales . . . and the new Cowboys Stadium has been pulling in hundreds of millions in revenue. --Even in this recession, NFL teams basically PRINT MONEY. The average franchise is worth $1.04 BILLION, which is up 1.4% from last year. --And after the player lockout this summer, the owners are set to get an even BIGGER piece of revenue . . . which means their teams are just going to keep going up in value. --The full top 10 most valuable teams are: the Dallas Cowboys, the Washington Redskins, the New England Patriots, the New York Giants, the New York Jets, the Houston Texans, the Philadelphia Eagles, the Chicago Bears, the Green Bay Packers, and the Baltimore Ravens. --The bottom 10 are: the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Oakland Raiders, the St. Louis Rams, the Buffalo Bills, the Minnesota Vikings, the Atlanta Falcons, the Detroit Lions, the Cincinnati Bengals, the Arizona Cardinals, and the San Diego Chargers. (Forbes) (--Here's the full list.)



A New Beer Called "Chick Beer" Calls Itself the Only Beer Designed For Women:

There's a new beer brand called CHICK BEER which calls itself the, quote, "only beer brand designed for women." (--Apparently it's never heard of Michelob Ultra, but whatever.) --Women drink about 25% of all the beer sold in the U.S., so it makes sense to market beer to them. Chick is a light beer . . . obviously . . . that's low carb . . . obviously . . . and a decently-low 97 calories in a 12-ounce bottle . . . obviously. --It's also less carbonated to lead to less BURPING. And it comes in hot pink packaging. --It's made in Maryland and, for now, it doesn't appear to be available anywhere BUT Maryland . . . but we'd assume the manufacturers are working on taking their beer for broads broader. (Chick Beer) (--Here's their website for more info.)


(NC-17) Almost 70% of Women Can't Identify All the Major Parts of Their Own Genitalia:

They say that a woman's genitalia is like a snowflake. No two look exactly alike. --But even though they look different, the basic parts are all the same. And Summer's Eve . . . yeah, the douche makers . . . put together a pretty basic quiz to see how many women could properly recognize those basic parts. --Turns out . . . it's WAY fewer than you think. Almost 70% of the women couldn't correctly label the vulva, clitoris, labia, vagina, and anus on a diagram. --Summer's Eve says that 50% of those women got them all right on their second time taking the test. (PR Newswire) (--WARNING: You can take the quiz here, but #1. It features an illustration of lady parts. #2. The narrator of the quiz is a hand pretending to be a talking vagina. #3. I repeat: A talking vagina-hand.)

Men Are Happier Than Women at Work and at Home . . . Because Women Do More Chores at Home, and Men Take More Breaks at Work:

The Battle of the Sexes is over . . . and men won. A survey by Captivate Network found that men are happier than women . . . everywhere. --At the office, men are 25% happier than women. At home, they're 8% happier. And three out of four guys think they do a good job of maintaining a home-and-work balance. --The profile of the average happy person is a 39-year-old married guy whose wife works part-time. Combined they make six figures, and they have one kid. --The average unhappy person is a 42-year-old unmarried woman who only makes five figures. --BUT . . . men are happier at home because the women do most of the work. Twice as many women take care of the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. --And at work, men are happier because they take more breaks. They're 25% more likely to take some "me time" during the day, 5% more likely to take a lunch, and 11% more likely to take a time out for some mid-day sex. --Because they're so miserable everywhere they are, women are 9% more likely to say they suffer from stress, 11% more likely to have headaches, and 7% more likely to gain weight. (MarketWatch)


People on Long Trips Are Most Likely to Stop for a Bathroom Break at . . . McDonald's:

We now have a better idea about Americans' bathroom habits, thanks to a survey conducted by Bradley bathroom furnishings. --On long trips, people would rather stop at a fast-food restaurant for a bathroom break than a highway rest stop run by the state, and McDonald's is the top choice. Here are some other interesting stats from the survey . . . --Nine out of ten people wash their hands every time they use a public restroom. That's a 3% increase since Bradley first started doing the survey in 2009. --One in four people use their sleeve or a towel to open the bathroom door, instead of touching the handle with their bare hands. Door handles are one of the three germiest surfaces in a restroom, along with faucets and stall doors. --Fewer than half of those people opening the door with a cloth think they're a germaphobe. About one in nine Americans identify themselves as one. --Two out of three people get their hands wet before using the soap, which is what you're supposed to do. --And nine out of ten people say they'd have a negative opinion about a business if it had an unclean restroom. (PR Newswire)


Stupid Photo of the Day: A Dog in Colorado Sets the World Record For Longest Ears, With 25.75 Inches of Ear-Span:

There's a dog in Boulder, Colorado you need to check out. He's an eight-year-old, 93-pound coonhound named Harbor, and he's the new Guinness world record holder for LONGEST EARS on a living dog. --Harbor's left ear stretches out to 12.25 inches, and his right ear hits 13.5 inches. Overall, that's an ear-span of 25.75 inches. --His owners say his ears have always been gigantic . . . when he was still a puppy, he would trip over his ears because they'd hang down lower than his paws. (Denver Post) (--Check out some photos of Harbor and his ears here.)


Want to See a Drunk Moose Stuck in a Tree?

There are some pictures making the rounds today out of Sweden. Apparently, a MOOSE got drunk when it ate a bunch of fermented apples . . . and stumbled right into a tree. --The moose got stuck in the tree, and the fire department had to come free it. Once they did, the moose staggered a few steps away . .. and then fell down and went to sleep to get rid of its hangover. --The moose checked out fine physically the next day. (Metro) (--Here are the photos.)


Five Random Facts About Tasers:


#1.) About 81% of the Tasers purchased are by police departments and other law enforcement agencies.


#2.) According to police studies, using Tasers instead of physical force, tear gas, and rubber bullets has saved 75,000 lives in 20 years. Officer injuries also drop 76% when they carry Tasers for protection.


#3.) There have been 12 deaths caused by Tasers in the 20 years since they hit the market . . . in almost all cases, the person who died was on drugs and over-agitated.


#4.) Taser has been sued 170 times.


#5.) Two out of every 1,000 Tasings result in a serious injury or death. In an LAPD study, that made it the safest way to subdue criminals. 450 out of 1,000 kicks ended in injury or death, as did 780 out of 1,000 punches and EVERY gunshot. (CNN Money)


WTF? A TV Weatherman in Arkansas Wakes Up From a Weekend Drug Bender to Find Himself in a Bathtub Next to a Dead Guy Wearing a Dog Collar:

Think YOU had a wild Labor Day weekend? Time to officially STFU. Because this guy's weekend was GUARANTEED to be wilder than yours. --33-year-old Brett Cummins is a weatherman on KARK, the NBC affiliate in Little Rock, Arkansas. -And apparently over Labor Day weekend, he went on a MASSIVE ALCOHOL and DRUG BENDER --On Monday morning, when he finally woke up: He was passed out in his friend's bathtub . . . there was no water in the tub . . . there WAS a DEAD GUY next to him . . . and the dead guy was wearing a DOG COLLAR. --When Brett woke up and discovered the state he was in, he screamed, ran out into the living room, and vomited everywhere. --The dead guy was 24-year-old Dexter Williams of Maumelle, Arkansas. Police haven't figured out how he's connected to Brett. --KARK issued a brief statement saying that they're taking Brett off the air, quote, "as he is mourning the loss of his friend." The police are still investigating what exactly went down. (Gawker)


MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Man Dressed in a Full Gumby Costume Tried to Rob a 7-Eleven:

It's like some criminals are BEGGING for us to make fun of them. --On Monday, around 12:30 A.M., some idiot dressed head-to-toe in a full-on GUMBY COSTUME, walked into a 7-Eleven in Rancho Penasquitos, California and tried to ROB THE PLACE. --He walked in and told the clerk, "This is a robbery." The clerk thought it was a joke, and told Gumby he had to clean and didn't have time to mess around. --Gumby wasn't playing, though . . . he told the clerk he was serious, then tried to reach into his pocket for a weapon. --There was just one problem. The Gumby suit was too cumbersome and he ended up fumbling around for a few minutes without grabbing his weapon. --He eventually left the store . . . and left behind 26 cents that had fallen out of his pocket. That's right: He left the robbery with LESS MONEY than he started with. --The man in the Gumby costume was described as 18 to 22 years old, 5-foot-6 to 5-foot-8, and between 150 and 160 pounds. Police are still looking for him. --If he's caught, he could be facing felony attempted robbery charges. (--And that could get him locked up in the POKEY. GET IT? It's a Gumby pun. Ask your grandparents.) (San Diego Union-Tribune) (--Here's a news video featuring surveillance footage of Gumby.)


A Dog is Put in the Pound When the Owner is Busted With Heroin . . . and the Owner is Arrested Again a Few Days Later Trying to Get the Dog Back:

Americans are so obsessed with dogs that our HEROIN ADDICTS crave their dog fix as much as their smack fix. --On Saturday, 55-year-old Walter Scovish of Uncasville, Connecticut was pulled over by the police. They found HEROIN on him, his car was towed, and he was taken to jail. --His Italian greyhound Missy was with him in the car. She was put in the town's dog pound. -Walter got out on bail Saturday night, but was told he couldn't retrieve Missy until TUESDAY . . . since the pound was closed for business through Labor Day. --On Monday morning, the wait was apparently just too much for Walter. So he went to the pound to try to BREAK IN and spring Missy. But the alarm went off at the pound, and the cops caught him in the act. --So now, Walter's facing three counts of third-degree burglary, two counts of criminal trespass, two counts of sixth-degree larceny, and one count each of criminal mischief and attempted larceny. A few of those are felonies. --And those were tacked on to his charges from Saturday, which included possession of heroin, possession of drug paraphernalia, and tampering with evidence. --Meanwhile, he's back in jail . . . and poor Missy is still at the pound. (Hartford Courant) (--Here's his mugshot.)
Hero of the Day: When a Carjacker Jumped onto a Woman's Hood and Told Her to Drive, She Drove to the Police Garage and Crashed Through the Door:

In movies, the bad guy always jumps into a passing car, pulls out a gun, and shouts "Drive!" In real life, you might want to be a little more specific. --Rayna Garret was driving on U.S. 71 in Kansas City, Missouri Tuesday afternoon when she saw a man dancing in the middle of the road. She tried to go around him, but he jumped onto her hood. --The man pulled out a gun, pointed it at Rayna, and said, quote, "Drive, [B-word] or I'll blow your head off." --And . . . Rayna did just that. She floored it, sped north about two miles on the highway, and drove right to the police garage. --But Rayna wasn't fully out of the woods, because the man was still on her hood, and no police were in sight. She honked the horn, but no one came out of the building. --So Rayna decided to go in. She drove the car INTO the station's garage door . . . three times . . . before she finally broke through. --That's when the guy jumped off the hood and ran off. He was caught a short time later trying to catch a bus. (--His name hasn't been released.) --The man was treated for cuts and bruises. He was believed to be under the influence at the time. (KMBC)


RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:


According to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, it's time to retire the term "Ground Zero." It should be called, quote, "The World Trade Center and the National September 11th Memorial and Museum." (Full Story)


Those in-room safes at hotels that let you set your own passcode? Usually they also have a default of 0000. Give it a try next time you're staying somewhere. (Full Story)


In Indonesia, a guy returned home to his seven starving dogs after leaving them without food or water for two weeks . . . so they killed and ate him. (Full Story)


According to a new study, pot smokers are less likely to be obese. (Full Story)



NAZZY’S VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) Is Competitive Nose-Rinsing an Actual Sport?

This might just be a weird Russian ad campaign, but there's a video online of the competitive NOSE-RINSING world championships: Five finalists suck water through one nostril, and squirt it out the other. --And the first one to transfer five liters into a bucket wins. The Russian guy who takes the title is supposedly the three-time defending world champion. (--Search for "Nose Rinsing World Championships." It starts at :23.)


#2.) A Bus Driver in D.C. Grabbed a Passenger and Literally Threw Him Out the Door:

Transit officials in Washington D.C. are investigating a bus driver after a video surfaced that shows him throwing a passenger off his bus. And when I say throwing, I mean he grabbed the guy and actually THREW him out the door. --It's not clear what happened leading up to it, and the guy who gets tossed seems like he might be drunk. But he keeps claiming he didn't do anything wrong. (--Search for "Metrobus Driver Throws Passenger Off Bus." The driver grabs him at :13 and tosses him at :20.)
Three Ways to Live as Long as the Japanese:

Americans aren't exactly the healthiest people on Earth: When it comes to average life expectancy, the U.S. ranked 50th out of 221 countries in a study done by the CIA. -The average life expectancy in the U.S. is 78 years old, and the Japanese have the HIGHEST life expectancy of any country at 86. That's eight more years, on average.

--Here's a list from "Men's Health" of three things the Japanese do that could lengthen YOUR life.

#1.) Go to the Doctor. You're supposed to go for at least a check-up once a year. But a lot of Americans don't go until something's wrong. --In Japan, they go more often because they HAVE to. If you're between the ages of 40 and 74, annual checkups are MANDATORY.

#2.) Control Your Portion Sizes. The Japanese eat a lot more fish than we do, which is one reason they live longer. But across the board, they eat smaller portions. --Maybe you've heard this, but one way to cut down on how much you eat is to use smaller plates, bowls, and utensils. In a study at Cornell University, people who ate ice cream from bigger bowls with bigger spoons ate an average of 57% more.

#3.) Eat More Vegetables. You've probably heard this one your whole life too, and STILL don't eat enough. But this might show you how important it is: --According to research, people in Japan can easily have four or five different vegetables in one meal. And about 60% of Japanese people eat veggies with EVERY meal. That adds up to five or six servings a day --But according to the Center for Disease Control, Americans struggle to eat the bare minimum of THREE servings. Only about 26% of us manage to do it. (Men's Health)