Friday, January 13, 2012


Heather Locklear Was Hospitalized Yesterday After Allegedly Mixing Pills and Booze:

HEATHER LOCKLEAR was hospitalized yesterday after allegedly mixing alcohol and prescription drugs. --According to TMZ, Heather's sister called 911 at about 2:00 P.M. saying she believed Heather was in danger. Paramedics agreed. --A source says, quote, "[The caller] was afraid Heather was going to harm herself because of her drinking mixed with medication. --"That was behind the 911 call. 911 personnel were at her house for more than an hour before she went with them." -A hospital spokesperson told TMZ that Heather was, quote, "awake and responsive when she arrived" and that she's "responding well to treatment." At least that's what a hospital spokesperson told TMZ. --And Heather's parents, who are with her at the hospital, said, quote, "She is in no danger and she's going to be just fine," (--Heather is 50.) --Heather and boyfriend JACK WAGNER ended their engagement back in November. But on Tuesday night, Heather seemed in good spirits watching the Lakers play at the Staples Center. (--Although "spirits" seems to be the operative word. Check out some pictures of Heather at the game, apparently tipping back a cocktail.) --In 2008, Heather's doctor called 911 to report that Heather attempted suicide by overdosing on prescription pills. It turned out to be a false alarm. But a few months later, she did check into a medical facility for treatment of "anxiety and depression."

The Rumor Mill #1: Did Minka Kelly Turn Down Jake Gyllenhaal?

"Us Weekly" says that JAKE GYLLENHAAL asked DEREK JETER'S ex, MINKA KELLY, on a date last fall . . . and she TURNED HIM DOWN. --But it's not because she didn't like him. Minka didn't want to see anyone else because she was trying to patch things up with Derek. And it worked, eventually. Minka and Derek got back together last month.

The Rumor Mill #2: Is Nina Dobrev Going to Turn Down a Marriage Proposal from "Vampire Diaries" Co-star Ian Somerhalder?

"In Touch Weekly" says that IAN SOMERHALDER proposed to his "Vampire Diaries" co-star NINA DOBREV over the holidays . . . and he's not going to get the answer he was hoping for. --A so-called "friend" says, quote, "She is freaking out, saying, 'I don't want to marry him!' She thinks she's too young, and with all the offers she's getting, she's poised to be a big star." --This might even spell the end of the relationship. The friend says, quote, "They were having fun, and now there's a lot of tension."

Did Cameron Diaz Have a Boob Job?

Over the summer, there were rumors that ALEX RODRIGUEZ was bugging CAMERON DIAZ to get breast implants. When they split up for a while, it was even suggested that she was mad at him over it. --But A-Rod may have won out. Because not only are they back together, but Cameron was photographed in a bikini in Hawaii recently, and she DEFINITELY looks like she's got more happening up top. (--Check out the pics here . . . along with one of a MUCH FLATTER Cameron from a year ago.) (Daily Mail) (--It's been speculated that A-Rod was behind KATE HUDSON'S alleged implants, too.)

The Best and Worst Celebrity Baby Names of 2011:

The website polled more than 1,500 moms to come up with lists of the Best and Worst Baby Names of 2011. --Not all moms were in agreement, though, because some of the names made BOTH lists. Anyway, here are the results . . .

The Best Baby Names of 2011:

#1.) Harper Seven (David and Victoria Beckham)

#2.) Aiden (Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster)

#3.) Liam James (Craig and Megan Ferguson)

#4.) Willow Sage (Pink and Carey Hart) . . . this made both lists

#5.) Arabella Rose (Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner)

#6.) Jack (Maya Rudolph and Paul Thomas Anderson)

#7.) Penelope Athena (Tina Fey and Jeffrey Richmond)

#8.) Skyler Morrison (Celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe and Rodger Berman) . . . this made both lists

#9.) Declan George (Danny and Gia McBride) . . . this made both lists

#10.) Milo Thomas (Alyssa Milano and David Bugliari) . . . this made both lists

The Worst Baby Names of 2011:

#1.) Bear Blu (Alicia Silverstone and Christopher Jarecki)

#2.) Moroccan Scott (Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon)

#3.) Agnes Lark (Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany)

#4.) Spike (Mike Myers and Kelly Tisdale)

#5.) Declan George (Danny and Gia McBride) . . . this made both lists (--Danny is the star of the HI-larious HBO series "Eastbound and Down", by the way. You may also recognize him from "Land of the Lost", "Pineapple Express" and "The Heartbreak Kid".)

#6.) Mirabella Bunny (Bryan Adams and Alicia Grimaldi

#7.) Arthur Saint (Selma Blair and Jason Bleick)

#8.) Milo Thomas (Alyssa Milano and David Bugliari) . . . this made both lists

#9.) Skyler Morrison (Rachel Zoe and Rodger Berman) . . . this made both lists

#10.) Willow Sage (Pink and Carey Hart) . . . this made both lists

Check Out the Luxury Suite Where Beyoncé Gave Birth:

When BEYONCÉ gave birth last Saturday, she gave birth in LUXURY. The people at Lenox Hill Hospital constructed a VIP suite for her and JAY-Z that included four flat-screen TVs, a kitchenette, nice furnishings and artwork. --Oh, and Jay had his own bed, too. --The hospital is keeping the suite for future use . . . so in a way, it really wasn't JUST for Beyoncé and Jay-Z. But they were intended to be the first ones to use it. (--Check out some pics here.) (TMZ)

Will Beyoncé and Jay-Z Be the First People to Make a Music Video In Space?

The not-always-reliable British tabloids say BEYONCÉ and JAY-Z want to be the first people to make a music video in space. --They're reportedly planning to film it on one of Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic ships . . . which are supposed to start going into orbit later this year. --The ships will reach altitudes of 70,000 feet, giving passengers SIX minutes of weightlessness. The footage will be shot during those six minutes, obviously.

Has Jay-Z Given Up the B-Word Because of His Daughter?

From now on, when JAY-Z talks about his 99 problems, he's going to have to get a little creative. Because, thanks to the birth of his daughter Blue Ivy, he can no longer use the B-Word. --According to the website, Jay released a rhyme yesterday which announced that he's given it up. He said . . . "Before I got in the game, made a change, and got rich,
I didn't think hard about using the word [B****].
I rapped, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it
Now with my daughter in this world I curse those that give it.

I never realized while on the fast track
That I'd give riddance to the word [B****], to leave her innocence intact.

No man will degrade her, or call her out her name
The women won't despise her and call her the same."

(--There's more. You can read it here.)

At the Golden Globes on Sunday, Ricky Gervais Will Once Again Make Fun of the Wealthy and the Privileged:

RICKY GERVAIS returns to host the "Golden Globes" on Sunday night . . . and you can expect him to rip on celebrities again this year. (--Although let's hope his digs this time are a little fresher than busting Robert Downey Jr. for going to rehab MORE THAN 10 YEARS AGO.) --Ricky says, quote, "Let's get this in perspective: They're the wealthiest, most privileged people in the world. Imagine if I had gone out there and said, 'We're all in the same gang. Aren't we brilliant? Us millionaires together.' --"I'm not a wolf in sheep's clothing. I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing." (--The "Globes" air live Sunday night on NBC. Check out the nominees here.)

Kris Jenner Says Khloe is a Kardashian:

KRIS JENNER continued yesterday to confirm that KHLOE is indeed the daughter of her late ex-husband ROBERT KARDASHIAN. --She told ABC News, quote, "It just gets weirder and weirder: I have never heard such crap in my life. I mean I was there. I gave birth. I know who the dad was, everything's good. We're all good. Don't worry about it . . . Get a life." --She added that it's always been a "family joke" that Khloe doesn't share the same DNA as the rest of the family because she has lighter hair than everyone else. (--Check out video here.) --Meanwhile, KIM was asked if Khloe is really just her HALF-sister . . . and she replied, quote, "Absolutely not!" (--The claim was made by Robert Kardashian's second and third wives . . . and published in the "Star" tabloid. Both ladies say Robert told them Khloe wasn't his biological daughter.) (--But we do know that Kris Jenner is her mom. Khloe had their DNA tested on a 2009 episode of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians".)

Shut Up, Hooker! Madonna Is Not a Cougar . . . She Just Happened to Fall for a Younger Guy:

Just because MADONNA'S last two boyfriends have been 24 years old . . . and she's 53 . . . that does NOT make her a COUGAR. Last night on "Nightline" she suggested that it's all just a coincidence. --Madonna . . . whose current toy is 24-year-old French dancer Brahim Zaibat . . . said, quote, "I didn't choose to, you know, I didn't, like, write down on a piece of paper I'm now going to have a relationship with a younger man. --"That's just what happened. You see, that's the romantic in me. I just met someone that I cared for, and this happened to be his age." --Asked what she found appealing about a younger man, Madonna said, quote, "I don't feel comfortable with this conversation."

It's On! Madonna Calls "Born This Way" a Redo of "Express Yourself":

LADY GAGA was NOT happy when people started suggesting that "Born This Way" sounded similar to MADONNA'S "Express Yourself". So something tells me that it's now officially ON between these two ladies. --Because in an interview for "Newsweek" magazine, Madonna agreed. --She said, quote, "[When I first heard 'Born This Way'] I thought, 'What a wonderful way to redo my song.' I mean, I recognized the chord changes. I thought it was . . . interesting." (--Kids, can you say, "Passive Aggressive"? Your move, Gaga.)

Hulk Hogan Says He's Shaving Off His Hair and Mustache:

HULK HOGAN has one of the most iconic mustaches of all time. But maybe not for much longer. He says, quote, "I'm getting ready to go on some auditions. I'm getting ready to shave my head and my mustache. So that should be scary." (--Here's video . . . in which Hulk also talks about the dental problems he had recently.) --But the chairman of the American Mustache Institute is urging Hulk not to shave, because that would cause, quote, "angels in heaven to die and fall to earth." (--You can read more about that here.)


Mark Wahlberg is a Smuggler, Queen Latifah is a Choir Director, and "Beauty & The Beast" is in 3D:

#1.) "Contraband" (R) (Trailer)

Mark Wahlberg plays a family man forced back into his old life as an international smuggler, after his brother-in-law messes up a drug deal. Kate Beckinsale plays his wife, and she dyed her hair blonde for the movie, so there's that.

#2.) "Joyful Noise" (PG-13) (Trailer)

Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton play rivals leading their church choir to a national competition. And it doesn't help that Dolly's grandson has the hots for Latifah's daughter, played by Keke Palmer from the Nickelodeon show "True Jackson VIP".

#3.) "Beauty and the Beast 3D" (G) (Trailer)

The 1991 fairytale hits theaters in 3D for the first time. If that's not enough to tempt you, they're including a new animated short before the movie with the characters from "Tangled", called "Tangled: Ever After".

The CW's Musical Chairs Reality Show Will Be Called "Oh Sit!":

A while back, the CW announced that they were developing a reality show called "Extreme Musical Chairs", which was described as "musical chairs for adults." --Well, it's official: They've picked it up. --For now, there aren't a ton of details, but here's what we DO know. --They've changed the title to "Oh Sit!" . . . which is pretty amazing . . . and announced that it will debut "later this season." (--That probably means it'll be on sometime this spring.) --According to reports, quote, "each episode has 20 contestants racing through five obstacle course-style eliminations as they each compete to claim a chair while a live band plays." The last contestant remaining wins a cash prize. (--Here's the game show I want so see: A new version of "The Gong Show"! Even though it's been remade TWICE already, I think it's due for another go-round.) (--With all the remakes coming out of unoriginal Hollywood . . . most of them bad . . . why not a remake of this one? The masses seem to love talent competitions. Why not stupid, useless talent?.) (--The key to a new "Gong Show's" success, of course, is finding a new GENE GENE THE DANCING MACHINE! Marvel at Gene's brilliance here.)

Is Stephen Colbert Preparing to Run for President?

STEPHEN COLBERT revealed his hyped "major announcement" on the "Colbert Report" last night. Basically, it sounds like he's planning on entering the Republican presidential primary in his home state of South Carolina. --But first, Stephen needed to clear up one issue. A while back, he started a super PAC, which is a political action committee. But a politician can't run one of those . . . so he formally transferred it over to JON STEWART on last night's show. --At that point, a graphic appeared on the screen saying, quote, "I'm doing it!" --Is he really? Who knows. He joked that he's forming, quote, "an exploratory committee to lay the groundwork for my possible candidacy for the president of the United States of South Carolina."

Is Jimmy Fallon Stealing Jokes from Conan O'Brien:

On Tuesday night, CONAN O'BRIEN'S monologue included this joke: Quote, "A prominent gay magazine has named Salt Lake City the GAYEST city in America. In fact, as of now the Utah Jazz will be known as the Utah Jazz Hands." --On Wednesday night, JIMMY FALLON told the exact same joke. (--So what happened here? Did Jimmy steal the joke? Probably not. That was an easy punchline that we're sure TONS of joke writers thought of.) --There's video of Conan and Jimmy delivering the jokes on YouTube.)


Friday TV Reminders:

--"One Life to Live" [Series Finale] . . . 2:00 to 3:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"Chuck" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. Bo Derek guest stars as herself.

--"Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" [Series Finale] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"Sweet Home Alabama" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CMT.

--"20/20" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. Cynthia McFadden interviews Madonna.

--"Blade" [Series Premiere] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on G4. Harold Perrineau, who played Michael on "Lost", stars as the voice of "Daywalker" Eric Brooks in this new anime adaption.

Saturday TV Reminders:

--"NFC Divisional Playoffs" . . . 4:30 to 7:30 P.M. Eastern on Fox. The San Francisco 49ers host the New Orleans Saints at Candlestick Park.

--"AFC Divisional Playoffs" . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on CBS. The New England Patriots host the Denver Broncos at Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts.

--"Grand Ole Opry Live" . . . 7:00 to 9:00 P.M. on GAC. Del McCoury Band, Rodney Atkins, The Black Lillies and Ricky Skaggs perform.

--"The 2012 Miss America Pageant" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. Brooke Burke hosts with "The Bachelor's" Chris Harrison . . . while Kris Jenner, Mark Ballas, and "Meet the Parents" minx Teri Polo are among the judges.


More Saturday TV Reminders:

--"Austin City Limits" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. Arcade Fire performs.

--"Pit Boss" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Animal Planet.

--"Behind the Music Remastered: Styx" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on VH1 Classic.

--"Metal Evolution" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on VH1 Classic. A look at "nu metal" with an emphasis on Rage Against the Machine, Faith No More, Tool, and Korn.

--"That Metal Show" [9th Season Finale] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1 Classic. Scorpions drummer Herman Rarebell and comedian Andrew Dice Clay guest.

--"Saturday Night Live" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. Daniel Radcliffe guest hosts and Lana Del Rey is the musical guest.

Sunday TV Reminders:

--"AFC Divisional Playoffs" . . . 1:00 to 4:00 P.M. Eastern on CBS. The Baltimore Ravens host the Houston Texans at M&T Bank Stadium in Maryland.

--"NFC Divisional Playoffs" . . . 4:30 to 7:30 P.M. Eastern on Fox. The Green Bay Packers host the New York Giants at Lambeau Field in Wisconsin.

--"Live From The Red Carpet: The 2012 Golden Globe Awards" . . . 6:00 to 8:00 P.M. Eastern on E! Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic work the red-carpet.

--"2012 Golden Globe Arrivals Special" . . . 7:00 to 8:00 P.M. Eastern on NBC. Carson Daly and Natalie Morales host this red-carpet preview.

--"The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards" . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. Ricky Gervais returns as host and Morgan Freeman receives the Cecil B. DeMille Award. You'll find the nominees here:

--"The Simpsons" . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on Fox. Armie Hammer from "The Social Network" does the voice of the Winklevoss twins when they compete against Patty and Selma in a 2012 Olympic competition.

--"Undercover Boss" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"Napoleon Dynamite" [Series Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. Jon Heder and the rest of the cast return for this animated TV version of the movie . . . and Amy Poehler guest voices as the girl Kip is dating.

--"Family Guy" . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Fox. Marlee Matlin guest voices.

--"Desperate Housewives" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. Renee gets Bree to go to a pickup bar, and Susan secretly visits Alejandro's family.

--"Kevin Hart: Laugh At My Pain" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Comedy Central. Comedian Kevin Hart performs stand-up in this comedy-concert film.

--"Leverage" [4th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TNT.

--"Oprah's Next Chapter" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Own. Oprah speaks with New Jersey governor Chris Christie.

--"Hell on Wheels" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on AMC.

--"Robot Chicken" [5th Season Finale] . . . 11:30 to 11:45 P.M. on Adult Swim.

Kelly Clarkson and the Foo Fighters Will Be Among the Performers at the Grammys:

KELLY CLARKSON and the FOO FIGHTERS will be among the performers at the Grammys on February 12th. --BRUNO MARS, NICKI MINAJ, TAYLOR SWIFT and JASON ALDEAN are also taking the stage. (--More performers will be announced in the coming weeks.) --We still don't know whether or not ADELE will perform. It's all still speculation at this point. According to reports, she wants to do it . . . but her doctors have to clear her first. (--Adele had surgery on her vocal cords in November.) --However, yesterday Adele tweeted one of the new Grammy posters, which features a picture of her singing. And according to E!, she's already planning to perform at the Brit Awards, which go down a few weeks later on February 21st. (--If you haven't heard, Kelly Clarkson will get a shot to embarrass herself by screwing up the National Anthem at the Super Bowl on February 5th.) --CHRISTINA AGUILERA notoriously made the most of that opportunity at last year's Super Bowl . . . when she flubbed the fourth line of the song.) (--By the way, "Rolling Stone" has also announced that JANE'S ADDICTION and THE ROOTS will perform at their pre-Super Bowl tailgate party. PETE WENTZ is the guest DJ.)

Check Out Pictures of Justin Bieber Pimping a Robot with a Speaker in Its Crotch:

A Vietnamese electronics company called TOSY Robotics somehow got JUSTIN BIEBER to help pimp a new robot that dances, and has a speaker in its crotch. --It's called the "mRobo Ultra Bass." It'll be available this fall for $199. --This nonsense yielded a fun picture . . . particularly if you have a dirty mind . . . featuring Justin holding a microphone up to the robot's crotch speaker. You can probably visualize what I'm getting at. (--You can see that picture along with a few others, here.) (TheSuperficial) --And here's a video report on the presentation. My favorite part is 31 seconds in, when some lady obnoxiously yells "Oh my gosh . . . BIEBER!" And THAT'S why Justin was paid whatever he was paid to be there.) (--It worked, since we're talking about it now . . . but from watching this news report, it also sounds like the presentation was a little buggy, and the event was a bit of a train wreck. But hey, all publicity is good publicity, right?)
Lil Wayne Is Writing a Memoir About His Time in the Clink:

If you're dying to know what it's like inside Rikers Island . . . from the perspective of a world-famous rapper who undoubtedly got some level of special treatment . . . well this is the perfect book for you: --LIL WAYNE is putting out a memoir on the eight months he spent behind bars in 2010. It's called "Gone Till November", and it's scheduled to be out on November 28th. There's no word how much Wayne will pocket for doing this. --According to the publisher, the book will include stuff from the "revealing, detailed journals" Wayne kept while incarcerated. --Those notes include, quote, "his thoughts and feelings, the strange people he met, his plans, his family, his children, his past, present and future."

Lady Antebellum and The Band Perry Are Not Interested in Stumping for President Obama:

PRESIDENT OBAMA'S reelection campaign put together a list of famous names they're targeting to act as "surrogates" to help him get reelected. Basically, well-known people who will spread the word and be positive, and stuff like that. --It's a seven-page list with 194 names under the heading, "Confirmed and Passed Surrogates". Problem is, many of the people had no idea they were even on the list. --LADY ANTEBELLUM and THE BAND PERRY are two of them. In fact, Lady Antebellum's reps told the "Tennessean" the band was "blindsided" when people started asking them about it. --So, the publicist released the following statement, quote, "The members of Lady Antebellum did not submit their name for inclusion on the surrogate list for Obama's campaign. --"Your request for confirmation comes as a surprise to me because the band has never commented on their political affiliations nor do they plan to in the future." --"The Tennessean" reached out to The Band Perry and got pretty much the same response. Their reps said the band "hasn't endorsed anyone for president and isn't likely to."


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

A so-called "friend" says the ring ASHTON KUTCHER was seen playing with earlier this week is NOT his wedding ring. (Full Story)

TONI BRAXTON was hospitalized earlier this week because of, quote, "flare ups" related to her Lupus. But she's okay now. (Full Story)

Check out video of a 12-year-old ANGELINA JOLIE singing "New York, New York" with some friends. She's the one on the far right, dressed as a nun. (Video)

AMBER ROSE was on the MTV show RapFix Live yesterday. . . she's the model who shaves her head and used to date KANYE WEST. And she broke down when she talked about how his fans were mean to her after they broke up. (Full Story)

SNOOP DOGG is launching a cigar brand called Executive Branch. The cigars will debut at the Coachella festival in California this April, where Snoop is one of the headliners. (Full Story and Video) claims "Dancing with the Stars" is interested in landing MICHELE BACHMANN and / or HERMAN CAIN for next season. (???) They also want JWOWW from "Jersey Shore" and TIM TEBOW. (Full Story)

Eddie Van Halen has donated 75 electric guitars from his personal collection to music programs at L.A.-area public schools. (--To be clear, he's giving them the guitars for the students to play. They won't be auctioned off for the proceeds.) (Full Story)

Interested in what FRED DURST is up to right now? He's two weeks into a 60-day juice diet . . . and it sounds like it isn't worth it. He says it's "challenging," and he "hasn't seen any significant results yet." Nonetheless, he's blogging about it. If you're interested in following his progress, hit up

Someone put together an "infographic" on How Your Father's Favorite Music Indicates What You Listen to Today. (--It isn't all that comprehensive, but it could be something fun to play around with on your show if you have the time.) (Infographic)

Showtime is developing a documentary on DICK CHENEY. The director says it's a, quote, "balanced and multi-dimensional look at Cheney." (Full Story)


16% of Us Are Late to Work Once a Week . . . Here Are the Four Most Common Excuses:

I thought the economy was bad enough that people were trying NOT to do things that get them fired. NOPE. -According to a new survey by, 16% of people admit they come into work late at least once a WEEK, up from 15% last year. That's about one out of every six of your coworkers. And 27% of people come in late at least once a month.

--Here are the top excuses people use when they get caught coming in late:

#1.) The most common excuse is . . . Traffic: 31% of us have used that as an excuse.

#2.) Oversleeping is the second biggest excuse, at 18%.

#3.) Bad weather, at 11%.

#4.) Public transportation, and taking the kids to daycare or school tied for fourth, at 8% each.

--One more thing: 34% of bosses . . . that's one in THREE . . . say they've fired someone for being late too often.


Here are the Top 10 Most Ridiculous Excuses for Being Late to Work: just released the results of their annual survey on the most ridiculous excuses for coming in late to work. And good job, America . . . the outrageous excuses from 2011 were WAY less corny than in years past. --To compile the list, CareerBuilder asked bosses around the country to name the most ridiculous excuse they heard for lateness last year . . . then they picked the top 10. Check 'em out . . .

#10.) I was late because I had to take a personal call from the governor. (--This, apparently, turned out to be TRUE.)

#9.) I was late because I had a job interview with another company.

#8.) I'm not late . . . even though my start time is 8:00 A.M., I had no intention of getting in before 9:00 A.M.

#7.) My leg was trapped between the subway car and the platform. (--This also turned out to be true.)

#6.) A fox stole my keys.

#5.) I'm late because I feel my commute time should count as work hours.

#4.) My roommate was angry and cut the cord to my phone charger, so it didn't charge and my alarm didn't go off.

#3.) I got distracted watching the "Today" show.

#2.) I thought I'd won the lottery. (--She hadn't.)

#1.) My cat had the hiccups.

(San Francisco Chronicle)

We Tell More Lies in January Than Any Other Month:

Have you noticed yourself LYING a lot these past few weeks? If you say, "No, I haven't" . . . is THAT a lie? It's fine. Everyone else is doing it too. --According to a new survey, the average person tells more lies in January than any other month. --In January, we tell an average of 217 lies . . . that's seven a day. In every other month, the average comes out to around four lies per day. --Why January? This is the month where we lie about what happened over Christmas . . . where we went, what we spent, and more . . . AND the month where we lie about how we're doing on our New Year's resolutions. (ANI)

Last Year, We Left Over $400,000 in Change at Airport Security:

I have no idea why TSA agents occasionally feel the need to steal from our bags. They could get rich just from the pennies that set off their metal detectors. --According to the TSA, in 2011, Americans left a LOT of change behind at airport security. How much? Try $409,085.56. All in change. All left behind because we had to empty our pockets and didn't bother to grab back a few cents. --Right now, Congress IS working on a bill that would donate money left behind at airports to charity . . . but for now, the TSA just hangs on to the money and uses it to fund whatever it is they do. (USA Today)

The Best Time of Day to Have Sex is . . . 7:30 A.M.:

Having sex at night is PLAYED OUT. Even having some sweet, sweet AFTERNOON DELIGHT is weak. According to a new study, the RIGHT time to get-it-on is . . . just after your alarm clock goes off. --The study found that 7:30 A.M. is the BEST time to have relations. As you're waking up, your body produces a surge in sex hormones and adrenaline. That heightens your senses and makes everything feel even better. --The study also found that morning sex leads to both partners climaxing more often than sex during other times of the day . . . AND morning sex is when you're most likely to CONCEIVE. (--Oooooh. Let's call that strike one, actually.)

--After you're done with that morning sex, here are a few other things you should try to do at specific morning times . . .

--8:10 A.M. Eat breakfast. Your appetite is strongest one hour after waking up, and your breakfast will fuel you . . . not turn straight to FAT.

--9:00 A.M. Do your hardest task. You're at your most alert one hour after breakfast and two hours after waking up.

--10:30 A.M. Have a snack. This is when your energy first starts to dip, so a snack will help you out . . . and it will keep you from gorging at lunch.

(The Sun)
Here are the Top 10 Cities Where Women Can Find a Sensitive Man . . . and the Gay Section of Los Angeles Came in Third:

The dating site wanted to put together a list of the top 10 cities where women can find a sensitive man. So they crunched their data, looking for "sensitive" keywords in men's profiles, and came up with the list. --One city really stands out. Number three . . . West Hollywood, California, right in the middle of Los Angeles. Which, sure, has straight guys living there . . . but is also one of the largest concentrations of GAY GUYS in the U.S. --And sure, they ARE sensitive. I mean . . . I don't personally know from experience, a friend of mine does. But they're not exactly right for a list targeted at women. Anyway, here's the full top 10:

#1.) Pompano Beach, Florida

#2.) Roanoke, Virginia

#3.) West Hollywood, California

#4.) Nashville, Tennessee

#5.) Buffalo, New York

#6.) Sarasota, Florida

#7.) Greenville, South Carolina

#8.) Wilmington, North Carolina

#9.) Indianapolis, Indiana

#10.) Staten Island, New York


The More Time You Spend on Facebook, the More Likely You Are to Believe Everyone's Life is Better Than Yours:

Here's another reason to stop looking at Facebook, turn off the computer, and go out and socialize face-to-face with actual human beings. When you do, you realize their lives are just as DEPRESSING as yours. --A new study out of Utah Valley University found that the more time a person spends on Facebook, the more likely they are to believe that EVERYONE'S lives are more exciting, happy, and fun than theirs. --Of course, that's not true . . . but people are pretty self-selecting with what they put on Facebook. Like, people only post photos of themselves out having fun . . . you don't see a photo album of them sitting on the couch clipping their toenails. --The survey also found that the average person has been on Facebook for two-and-a-half years and spends 4.8 hours per week looking at Facebook . . . that's an average of 41 minutes per day. (Miller-McCune)

Shocking News: Looking at Photos of Puppies Cheers You Up:

You might want to sit down for this SHOCKING, EARTH-SHATTERING NEWS. A new survey has found that yes, people really like looking at photos of puppies. --According to the survey, 81% of women and 66% of men say that looking at photos of cute puppies cheers them up. When they just asked pet owners, 87% of both genders said puppy photos make them happy. --The survey also found that 64% of pet owners regard their pets as members of their family . . . and 43% of dog and cat owners admit they talk about their pets as much as, or more than, they talk about their other family members. (Cambridge News) (--Here are some puppy photos to make YOU happy. YOU'RE WELCOME.)

The Average Hospital Room Is 20-to-40% Too Loud . . . and Can Get Almost as Loud as a Chainsaw:

Hospital have bad food, are full of sick people, and a new study found that they're also . . . TOO LOUD. --The University of Chicago did a study measuring noise levels in hospital rooms to see if it got loud enough to keep patients awake. --The World Health Organization recommends that hospital rooms shouldn't be louder than 30 to 40 decibels. That's about as loud as someone whispering from three feet away. --The average hospital room was 20-to-40% louder than that during the night, at close to 50 decibels. That's about the same noise level you'd get from traffic on a quiet street. --Sometimes, doctors and nurses have conversations, and alarms and intercoms go off. That raises the noise level to more than 80 decibels, which is almost as loud as a CHAINSAW. --Nearly half of all Medicare patients complained on a recent survey that their rooms weren't quiet at night . . . and a study found that the average patient gets about one hour less sleep in the hospital than they do at home. --But medical experts pointed out that patients in the hospital are SICK . . . and their discomfort may also contribute to their sleep problems. (Reuters)

A Mexican Transplant Team Dropped a Donor Heart on the Ground . . . But Transplanted It Anyway:

A woman in Mexico is recovering from heart surgery . . . after a transplant team DROPPED her new heart on the ground while taking it to the hospital. -24-year-old Rafael Gomez died in a car accident Tuesday night in Leon, Mexico. He was an organ donor and a match for the woman. So doctors raced to get his heart to Mexico City. (--The woman's name wasn't released.) --A police helicopter flew the heart 240 miles from Leon to Mexico City. Police called it a, quote, "rapid precision maneuver." But things got less precise once they landed. --Paramedics took the cooler containing the heart off the helicopter, then tried to carry it into the hospital. --But one of them tripped and dropped his end of the cooler. It opened, and a bag of saline fell out. So did some ice . . . and the bag containing the heart. --The paramedics picked it up off the concrete, put it back in the cooler, and doctors TRANSPLANTED it ANYWAY in a four-hour operation. (--It's not like they wiped it off and said "three-second-rule." It was in a steel, waterproof container which protected it in the fall.) --Doctors are waiting until Saturday to make sure the woman's body accepts the heart before declaring the transplant a success. (Guardian) (--Check out a photo of them dropping it here.)


A Robber Claims to Have a Gun . . . But When It's Clear He Doesn't, His Victim Starts Repeatedly Punching Him in the Face:

On Wednesday morning, 30-year-old Donald White of Council Bluffs, Iowa went into a pharmacy with a black stocking on his head. He told the pharmacist he had a gun and he demanded a painkiller called hydromorphone. --The pharmacist was named Bill Shipley. He's a former rugby player and he called Donald's bluff by asking to see the gun. --Donald couldn't produce it. He DID have an orange box cutter, but Bill wasn't worried about that. He says, quote, "He kept . . . saying he was going to shoot me, but I don't think he had a gun, so I just kept punching him [in the face]. --The cops eventually got there and stopped Bill from repeatedly punching Donald in the face. Donald is now looking at armed robbery charges, among others. (ABC 7 - Omaha)

Mugshot of the Day: This Guy Looks Shocked That He's Been Arrested:

Today's must-see mugshot is 53-year-old Andrei Bibbs of Blue Island, Illinois. On Saturday, he was arrested for DUI . . . and he looks absolutely SHOCKED that they're taking his photograph. (Chicago Tribune) (--Here's the mugshot.)


Stupid News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

The Huffington Post is launching a section called the "Good News". (Full Story)
(--And here at The Complete Sheet, we'd like to remind you . . . our '1,000 Big Mouths' . . . that WE launched a section called 'The Good News' six months ago!)

(--But when people steal from us, do we get mad? Do we complain when our unique ideas, color, and vernacular make their way into the mainstream? Are we miffed that Arianna Huffington sucks The Complete Sheet's Hind-Teat?)

(--On the contrary. We hope our wonderful creations inspire even MORE websites. Especially reputable websites famous for repackaging Internet drivel and passing it off as original content. YOU'RE WELCOME!)

The presidential election is in full swing, which can only mean one thing: Illegal campaign contributions are up 400%. (Full Story)

One out of every 900 sex acts spreads HIV. Have a great weekend! (Full Story)

A 12-year-old in California thought her sister was going through her things. So she set up a hidden camera in her bedroom . . . and caught a burglar. (Full Story)

A drunk driver went 100 miles an hour in the wrong direction for 18 miles on a Washington state highway . . . and didn't get into an accident. (Full Story)

A carjacker was arrested in Oregon when he stole a car low on gas, and had to stop at a gas station a few miles away. (Full Story)

A woman in Mississippi called police after her crack dealer sold her sugar instead. She was arrested. (Full Story)

Interested in diamond-studded business cards? They cost $1,500 each. (Full Story)


#1.) The Utah Jazz Mascot Accidentally Dropped a Birthday Cake on Two Fans . . . From the Second Deck:

In case you missed it, some fans at a Utah Jazz game got a happy birthday surprise Tuesday night: And by that, I mean a sheet cake with candles was accidentally DROPPED on them from the upper deck. --The team's bear mascot was standing in the front row of the second level, presenting the cake to a long-time season ticket holder. Then he tilted it so a camera could get a shot, and the cake slid off the plate and fell about 30 feet. --Luckily, the people it landed on had a REALLY good sense of humor about it. They even started smearing it on each other's faces. (--Search for "Happy Birthday from the Bear." He drops it at :27, and it shows the first replay at :45. Then they start smearing it on each other at 1:07.)

#2.) They Said Tim Tebow's Name 160 Times on Yesterday Morning's "SportsCenter":

"SportsCenter" dedicated an entire hour to TIM TEBOW yesterday morning, and the website Deadspin counted how many times they said his name. In 48 minutes . . . which is how long the show is without commercials . . . they said "Tebow" 160 times. --That's once every 18 seconds, and there's a montage of all of them online. (--Search for "SportsCenter Makes 160 Tebow References." And check out a webpage dedicated to Playboy Playmates 'Tebowing' here.)
Three Tips for Negotiating a Lower Price on Anything:

People buy most things at chain stores now, so they think the prices aren't negotiable. But according to an article on, that's not always the case. Here are three ways to negotiate a better price on ANYTHING.

#1.) Do Your Homework. That means checking the prices online beforehand. If you see something you want, and you have a smartphone, check the price on before you start haggling.

--Also, you need to know who to haggle with. Obviously a low-level employee can't give you a deal. But the owner can, and sometimes a manager can, even at chain stores like Wal-Mart.

--For example, if something is slightly damaged but still usable . . . like a greeting card with a bent corner, or a sweater with a smudge on it . . . even a manager at Target will realize that selling it for SOMETHING is better than not selling it at all.

--So before you start negotiating, make sure it's with the right person.

#2.) Ask for More Than You'll Get. Don't ask for 90% off or anything crazy, but don't offer the deal you're hoping for either. Ask for a price you'd be EXCITED to pay, not just satisfied with. Chances are they'll say no, and then you can work your way down.

#3.) Get Ready to Hear the Word "No". If you expect them to say it, you can plan out what to say next. If they won't budge, you have to be willing to walk away. But that doesn't necessarily mean the negotiation has to end.

--One expert suggests leaving your phone number or email address and asking them to call if things change. That gives them the opportunity to think about it without you right there pressuring them, and they might end up changing their mind. (Jezebel)

10 Ridiculous Dating Superstitions:

It's Friday the 13th, so we thought we'd have a little fun with superstitions. We've got a list of 10 RIDICULOUS superstitions about love and dating. Listen up . . .

#1.) Twist the stem of an apple while saying the names of the people you're interested in. The name you're saying when the stem comes off is the one you'll marry.

#2.) If someone sweeps over your feet while sweeping the floor, you'll be single the rest of your life.

#3.) If a woman has hairy legs, she'll marry a rich man. (--We told you these were ridiculous.)

#4.) If a bride looks at herself in the mirror while wearing her veil before the wedding, the marriage will be unhappy.

#5.) If a bride wants her husband to be faithful, she should sew a swan's feather into his pillow.

#6.) If you get a knife as a present, it means your relationship will soon be severed.

#7.) If you drop a pair of scissors, it means your lover's being unfaithful.

#8.) When a woman burns bread or biscuits, it means her lover's mad at her.

#9.) Think of your love interest when you have the hiccups. If your hiccups stop, then they feel the same way about you. If they don't, forget it.

#10.) We all know this one: Pick the petals off a flower . . . usually a daisy . . . repeating the phrase, ''He loves me, he loves me not.'' The last remaining petal is your answer. (


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