Monday, February 8, 2010

February 8, 2010


As you must know by now, the New Orleans Saints came from behind to win Super Bowl 44 yesterday, by a score of 31 to 17. (--This was the Saints' first Super Bowl appearance. The Colts won Super Bowl 41 three years ago.) --After falling behind 10-to-0 in the first quarter, the Saints made two long field goals in the second to come within four points at the half. --But the real turning point came on the first play of the second half, when the Saints started things off by SUCCESSFULLY pulling off an onside kick. --Obviously, onside kicks are pretty risky plays . . . and are mainly employed during desperate fourth quarter comebacks. In fact, this was the first time an onside kick had ever been attempted in the Super Bowl, outside of the fourth quarter. (--Note: Colts wide receiver HANK BASKETT . . . the dude that's now married to HUGH HEFNER's former girlfriend KENDRA WILKINSON . . . is the one guy who had the best shot at fielding the kick for Indy. Instead, it bounced off his helmet.) --And the risk paid off. The Saints scored their first touchdown of the game on the ensuing drive. The Colts immediately countered with a TD of their own . . . but then the Saints closed out the game scoring the final 17 points. --Saints quarterback DREW BREES was named the MVP. --He completed an incredible 32 of 39 passes for 288 yards with two touchdowns. Those 32 completions tied a Super Bowl record. (--He only had two incompletions after the first quarter. He had one each in the second and third periods.) --New England Patriots quarterback TOM BRADY had 32 completions in Super Bowl 38, back in 2004. By the way, Indy quarterback PEYTON MANNING almost matched Brees. He connected on 31 passes. He was 31 of 45 with 333 yards. --But Manning was picked off with a little over 3:00 left in the fourth quarter. Cornerback TRACY PORTER ran it back 74 yards for a Saints touchdown, which sealed the game for New Orleans. (--Brees did not throw an interception.)



Maybe we've come to expect too much from the commercials during the Super Bowl. Maybe there's too much advance buzz about them, and they can't live up to our expectations. --Or maybe since the economy's still in the toilet, clever expensive ads are harder to come by. But even by those lowered standards, you have to admit that the commercials during this year's game were pretty lame. --In general, it just seemed like they weren't edgy enough or laugh-out-loud funny. We'd give you a top 10, but there weren't enough good ads. Still, there were a few stand-outs and interesting moments. So here's our re-cap of the FIVE most noteworthy ads of Super Bowl 44.(--You can watch ALL the ads and revisit the mediocrity, here . . .)
#1.) THE LENO / LETTERMAN "LATE SHOW" PROMO: This year's Super Bowl seemed heavy on promos for other CBS shows. That's normal for the network showing the game. And maybe we just noticed it more because the real commercials weren't that great. --Either way it's interesting, because one of the best commercials this year . . . if not THE best . . . was actually the CBS promo for "The Late Show with David Letterman". -That's the one that started with Dave sitting on the couch saying, quote, "This is the worst Super Bowl party ever." Then it turned out he was sitting next to OPRAH and JAY LENO, and she had to referee while Dave and Jay squabbled like little kids. --It was only 15 seconds, and most of it was silent, but something about seeing three huge TV personalities spoofing NBC's recent late-night insanity together made it awesome. Remember, Jay's on NBC, and after the whole mess with Conan, he'll be going up AGAINST Letterman. (--Get all the details about how it came together in the story below, "The Truth Behind the Letterman / Leno Super Bowl Commercial".)
#2.) THE TIM TEBOW AD FOR FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: I'm not saying this was one of the BEST ads, but it WAS the one that generated the most controversy before the game. That's because 2007 Heisman Trophy winner TIM TEBOW and his mom are pro-life. --And the pro-choice crowd went ape-nuts when they heard that the pro-life group Focus on the Family was featuring Tebow in a high-profile commercial . . . during the Super Bowl no less. But if I was an opponent of abortion, I'd want my money back. --That's because you wouldn't even know from the commercial that Tebow's mom had decided to have Tim after being advised to terminate her pregnancy. That was the story behind them doing the ad in the first place. But obviously, that's kind of intense for a Super Bowl ad.
-So instead, Tim's mom says, quote, "He almost didn't make it into this world . . . I call him my 'miracle baby.'" If you didn't know the back-story, you'd think, "Sure, Tebow IS a miracle. He's one of the best football players in the country, on the verge of a glorious career in the pros." --Then, halfway though the ad, they went for the HI-larity, and had Tim TACKLING his mom and knocking her down. Sort of like those Terry Tate "Office Linebacker" Super Bowl ads from 2003. Except this ad was supposed to be about abortion. (???) (--Check out the glorious Terry Tate, back when being a Super Bowl commercial meant something, here . . .
#3.) THE SNICKERS AD WITH BETTY WHITE . . . AND ABE VIGODA! One of the reasons it wasn't that funny to see Tim Tebow come out of nowhere and tackle his mom. . . is because the Snickers ad JUST before that used huge hits to generate laughs. --In the Snickers ad, it was regular guys playing pick-up football, and the dude who couldn't man-up and play was played by . . . BETTY WHITE from "The Golden Girls". There's just something funny about seeing old women talking smack and getting drilled in the mud. (???) --Betty transformed back into a regular guy once she ate a Snickers, but the BEST part of the ad was the random cameo at the end by classic character actor ABE VIGODA . . . a.k.a. 'Tessio' from "The Godfather" . . . playing another guy who needed to man-up and eat a Snickers.
#4.) THE BUD LIGHT AUTO-TUNE AD: This ad came close to repeating the viral potential of the "Wazzup" ads. Actually, that's a stretch. But, it was one of the funnier commercials last night, and at least it tried to capture the 'feel' of living in 2010, by busting on Auto-Tune. (--If you don't know what Auto Tune is, it's that annoying effect rappers like KANYE WEST use in their songs to give their vocals a weird sounding pitch. But to me, it just sounds like dying cats on parade.) (???) -Once the guy in the commercial touches his Bud Light, he starts talking in Auto-Tune and calling up his buddies, and they all sing about having "a party" in their Auto-Tune voices. --The end featured the rapper T-PAIN, who's probably the most prolific abuser of Auto-Tune. They show him chillin' at the party and asking for someone to "pass that guacamole" . . . in the same annoying Auto-Tune voice as the other dudes. --But to be honest, all the Bud commercials this year felt like missed opportunities. The one where the town formed a human bridge to help deliver beer, or the guy whose house was made of bud light cans . . . they were great concepts, but not something you'd forward to your friends.
#5.) THE VOLKSWAGEN PUNCHING GAME: The Volkswagen ad where people punched each other when they see a Volkswagen drive by worked well too. Think about it: if they could actually get people to replicate the game in real life, they'd be onto something. --I'm not saying people WILL, but whoever came up with the concept gets an A for effort. And anyone who's ridden in the backseat with their siblings knows the game. Plus, they made a joke about STEVIE WONDER being able to play too, even though he's blind. That's a winner right there.
--Honorable mention goes to the Dodge Charger ad, where the narrator's voice-over shows how men feel emasculated by everything these days . . . except when they're behind the wheel. But like I said: would you email it to your friends the next day? Probably not.
--Overall, there were a bunch of ads like that: they started with a good idea, but couldn't stick the landing. Like the ad for an office where people wear underwear on casual Fridays. Great potential, but I didn't laugh out loud.
--And I liked the Hyundai ad where BRETT FAVRE won the MVP . . . in 2020. But they released that online a couple days ago.(--What were YOUR favorite ads this lackluster year? The Fiddling Beaver for Boost Mobile trying and failing to resurrect "The Super Bowl Shuffle" from 1984? Call and let us know what we're missing.)


If you're way more obsessed with show business than the average person should be, then you have to agree that the best Super Bowl commercial, HANDS DOWN, was the one featuring DAVID LETTERMAN, OPRAH WINFREY and . . . JAY LENO. --It was a commercial for Letterman's "Late Show" . . . so it was pretty mind-blowing that Dave would ask Jay to do it . . . and that Jay would agree. (--Although maybe it's not THAT surprising that Jay would agree. He's got a lot of image rehab to do. He probably thought this would help. Also, he's about to go head-to-head with Letterman in late-night again. This helps get the word out.)(--If you haven't seen the ad, check it out here . . .)'s producer, ROB BURNETT, talked with "Entertainment Weekly" about how the ad came together, and it's pretty interesting. -He said that Dave came up with the initial idea. They pitched it to Oprah first, and she liked it. Then they went to network boss Les Moonves, who also, quote, "got it immediately." --When they pitched the idea to Jay, his reaction was, quote, "This is the way show business should be." Then Leno's producer cleared it with the bosses at NBC, and everything was a go. (--Yeah, it seems crazy that NBC would go for it. But again, they probably thought it would help restore Leno's image.) --The next hurdle was keeping it a surprise. Here's how they did that: Last Tuesday, NBC flew Jay into New Jersey on their corporate jet. --The spot was filmed at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City, where Dave does the "Late Show". They had to sneak Jay through the door IN DISGUISE. He wore a hoodie, dark sunglasses and a mustache. (--Oprah was NOT in disguise when she arrived.) --The Big Question is . . . how did Jay and Dave get along??? There were no hugs, but things were strangely okay. -Burnett says, quote, "It was great, very professional, very cordial. We shot it in 25 minutes, and it went really, really well. It felt like one of those things where you wake up and say, 'I had the strangest dream.' --"There was no frostiness. We were focused on trying to execute the joke. It would have been a more taxing event had it been us all going out to dinner. If anything was awkward, it was how it wasn't awkward." --One last note: If you're wondering what possessed David Letterman to go through with the idea . . . well, it was all in the name of comedy. --Burnett says, quote, "There was a lot of internal conversation about whether this was a good thing to be doing from a PR standpoint. Are we rehabilitating Jay's image? Dave has a simple edict: If it's funny, we do it."


You might assume that since you and all your loser friends get completely hammered on Super Bowl Sunday, everyone else does too. But according to sales records based on a two-week period surrounding the Super Bowl, it seems that's NOT the case. --If you don't believe me, check out this list of the biggest beer-buying holidays:#7.) Super Bowl Sunday: 49.2 MILLION cases of beer sold#6.) Halloween: 50.7 MILLION cases of beer sold#5.) Christmas / New Year's: 52.8 MILLION cases of beer sold#4.) Thanksgiving: 52.8 MILLION cases of beer sold#3.) Labor Day: 60.2 MILLION cases of beer sold#2.) Memorial Day: 61 MILLION cases of beer sold#1.) Fourth of July: 63.5 MILLION cases of beer sold--Still, Super Bowl Sunday IS the biggest day of the year for PIZZA sales. --Pizza Hut was anticipating a 50% boost in sales because of the game. And according to a spokesman for Domino's, they expected to sell 9 MILLION "slices" yesterday, which is 44% more than a typical Sunday. (--Who buys a "slice" at Domino's? Is that even possible? Nice work on the "creative" math there, spokes-guy.) (CNBC / Arizona Republic)


According to the National Association of Pizzeria Operators, pizza orders increase by an average of 35% on Super Bowl Sunday. --On Super Bowl Sunday, Americans consume 30 MILLION pizzas. That works out to roughly 350 slices every second. --But according to a market research firm called the NPD Group, pizza is just the NINTH most popular food on Super Bowl Sunday, behind SALAD, MILK, and the most popular Super Bowl food, VEGETABLES. (???)


Of the 44 Super Bowls, the team that won the pregame coin flip has gone on to win the game just 21 times while losing 23 times, including TEN of the last 14 Super Bowls. --In 44 Super Bowls, the coin toss has come up heads 23 times, and tails 21. --The NFC has won the coin toss 30 times, while the AFC has won just 14 times. --And the NFC has won 13 straight coin flips. The odds of that happening are about ONE in 8,192. (CNN Money / Yahoo Sports / New York Daily News)


Both CHARLIE SHEEN and BROOKE MUELLER will be in court in Aspen, Colorado today. They want the judge to loosen the restraining order he put in place after Charlie threatened Brooke with a knife on Christmas Day. --They want to move back in together and try to fix their marriage . . . but they can't do it while that restraining order is in place. --While he's in Aspen, Charlie will also more than likely be arraigned on a FELONY charge of menacing . . . and a misdemeanor count of assault. --Lawyers for Charlie and Brooke reportedly spent Friday meeting with the local district attorney's office, trying to get prosecutors to back off the case. They didn't budge.--Prosecutors might have a hard time with this case, though . . . given the fact that Brooke wants it to disappear. Obviously, she's not going to be a very good witness for them.


On Friday morning at about 4:00 A.M., CHARLIE SHEEN received a call from one of those OnStar-type services. They were calling to tell him that his Mercedes had been involved in a crash, and the airbags had been deployed. --But Charlie wasn't anywhere near the vehicle. He was at home in bed. It turns out someone had stolen the car. Police later found it off Mulholland Drive . . . at the bottom of a 400-foot ravine. There was no sign of the thieves. --TMZ is reporting that Charlie had made it easy for the thieves by leaving the keys in the ignition and his garage door open. (--He does live in a gated community, though.) --Charlie had some HI-larity prepared for the press later in the day. He said, quote, "It was nice to have police come to my house and for once I didn't have to leave with them." --Meanwhile, another . . . even more expensive . . . vehicle was found wrecked not too far from Charlie's later in the afternoon. It was a Bentley owned by LISA VANDERPUMP. She was a very minor actress back in the day. (--Her most recent credits include episodes of "Baywatch Nights" and "Silk Stalkings" back in the mid-'90s.) -She and her husband live in the same gated community as Charlie, and a fancy restaurant called Villa Blanca. She's supposedly on the shortlist for the cast of Bravo's upcoming "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills". --Police are trying to figure out if the two incidents are related. They reportedly have surveillance video from both homes that might help them catch the thieves.


Retired NFL star and "Dancing With the Stars" runner-up WARREN SAPP was arrested Saturday on a charge of domestic battery. --The arrest occurred at about 5:00 A.M. at Sapp's hotel room in Miami Beach. The alleged victim is a woman Sapp has been dating for about two years. --She told police that she and Sapp had been partying with a large group of friends, when she got tired and went to lie down in another room. --A few hours later, Sapp entered the room, pulled her out of bed and started yelling at her about other guys she'd been hanging out with and / or had listed in her cell phone. --Then he choked her, threw her down on a couch, picked her up by her shirt and neck and threw her down again. --She suffered a swollen knee and bruises on her neck. --Sapp told police he was just trying to get the woman to leave his room because he had company coming. He says she injured her leg when she fell while he was trying to help her off the couch. --Sapp was released from jail yesterday morning at about 11:00 A.M., after posting $1,500 bond. --He was supposed to have been doing Super Bowl commentary yesterday for the NFL Network. Obviously, that didn't happen. And the network later announced it was pulling Sapp off the air until this whole thing shakes down. --Sapp's attorney released the following statement . . . quote, "He sincerely apologizes to the NFL family and fans for taking away any distraction from today's big game. --"We ask that everyone reserve judgment on the matter until all the facts come out in a court of law."

Miami Dolphins defensive tackle TONY MCDANIEL was arrested Saturday on a domestic violence charge. --Police say McDaniel had returned from a night of partying early Saturday morning and got into a fight with his girlfriend at his home in the Miami area. --McDaniel told police that SHE attacked HIM first. He was released Sunday on $3,500 bond.
It looks like DR. CONRAD MURRAY will be charged for MICHAEL JACKSON'S death TODAY. So it's a good thing he got his visit to Michael's grave out of the way last week. -Seriously . . . Murray was at Forest Lawn Memorial Park last Wednesday afternoon. Although it should be noted that while he was photographed OUTSIDE the mausoleum, he was not seen inside. --As for Murray's legal situation, sources say he'll be charged with involuntary manslaughter this afternoon. (--The charge carries a maximum sentence of FOUR YEARS.) --And things will go the way the D.A.'s office initially wanted them to: Murray will surrender under his own power, and will NOT be led into the courtroom in handcuffs . . . which is what the LAPD was hoping for. --Bail will probably be set at $25,000 . . . and Murray is expected to post it immediately. MILEY CYRUS HAS ORGANIZED AN AUCTION FOR THE PEOPLE OF HAITI:
MILEY CYRUS has organized a celebrity eBay auction to benefit the earthquake relief effort in Haiti. --The items you can bid on include the dress Miley wore to the Grammys and two tickets to the Hollywood premiere of her upcoming movie, "The Last Song". --Other stars who donated items include Britney Spears, Hugh Jackman, Demi Lovato and Nicole Richie.(--All proceeds go to the Red Cross. Here's the address . . .)

By now, you've probably seen JOHN TRAVOLTA'S look in that new movie, "From Paris With Love" . . . where he's completely bald and has that bad-ass goatee. Well, if you don't like it, you're apparently in the minority. Because most people LOVE IT. --And that includes his wife, KELLY PRESTON. He says, quote, "Not only did Kelly like it, but they did an online survey and 99% of people preferred it to my usual look. I might just go bald and bearded full-time from now on."


After seven weeks at the top of the box office, "Avatar" has finally been taken down a notch. And it took the latest movie to be made from a NICHOLAS SPARKS novel to do it. "Dear John" is the new #1 movie in America . . . with a take of $32.4 million.1.) (NEW) Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum's "Dear John", $32.4 million2.) "Avatar", $23.6 million (--Up to a total of $630 million in its 8th week.)3.) (NEW) John Travolta's "From Paris With Love", $8.1 million


#1.) TAYLOR LAUTNER has snagged the lead role in a live-action movie based on the AWESOME '70s toy Stretch Armstrong. It's due out sometime in 2012. (--Stretch Armstrong is a dude who stretches . . . like Mr. Fantastic of the Fantastic Four. The toy had a rubber body filled with some kind of funky jelly. And I promise you I loved mine more than my kids ever loved the Nintendo DS.)

#2.) For reasons that would probably be difficult to figure out, 20th Century Fox is giving "Daredevil" a quote-unquote "reboot". Which means they're starting the franchise over again with someone new in the title role. --The 2003 version starring BEN AFFLECK was a critical and commercial disappointment . . . although JENNIFER GARNER'S Elektra character did get a spin-off. (--And after starring together, Ben and Jennifer discovered that they LOVED rooting around in each other's smelly areas.)

#3.) There's only one Oscar nominee this year who once dressed like a cowgirl and branded BILL PAXTON'S backside. And you probably wouldn't guess who it is. It's KATHRYN BIGELOW . . . who's nominated for Best Director for "The Hurt Locker". --See, Paxton used to have a band called Martini Ranch. Back in 1988, they did a video for a song called "Reach". JAMES CAMERON directed it, and his future wife Kathryn appeared in it, as the leader of a gang of sexy cowgirls. (--Check it out . . .)


The future of CHRISTOPHER MELONI and MARISKA HARGITAY on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" has been in doubt in the past . . . mainly over contract issues. But now, it sounds like Christopher just wants to move on. --In an interview with Australia's "Courier-Mail" newspaper, Christopher . . . who plays Detective Stabler . . . says he'll probably leave after NEXT season, when his current contract is up. --He says, quote, "I think 12 years is enough, a good number. The writers will have fertile ground to figure out how to arc [my character] out to another place . . . whether it's this world or the next." --He adds that he'll continue acting after the show . . . doing theater, and, quote, "guerilla-style sleeper" movies. (--So maybe more movies like the brilliant "Wet Hot American Summer", where he played Gene, the crazy summer camp cook.) --The "Courier-Mail" also reports that Mariska . . . who plays Stabler's partner, Detective Benson . . . plans to stay on after Christopher leaves. --"SVU" is currently in its 11th season. Production on the 12th season will begin later this year. Reps for both Christopher and Mariska have not commented on the story. --But over the weekend, a fan asked executive producer Neal Baer if Christopher was leaving the show . . . and he responded, quote, "No."


The "New York Post" claims HOWARD STERN is Fox's top choice to replace SIMON COWELL on "American Idol". But we haven't heard anything official from Fox or Stern. --For what it's worth though, Howard recently said, quote, "I was approached by a major TV network to take over a TV show and leave here and do that next year . . . and I did turn it down . . . I'm not even sure if I want to be working. --"I'm waiting to see what happens." (--There's also a decent chance that anything Howard says is just a ploy to try to get another huge radio contract.)

PAULY D TURNED DOWN A $50,000 WEDDING GIG . . . BECAUSE HE'S A SERIOUS DJ??? reports that the cast of "Jersey Shore" receives 200 to 300 offers a day to make paid personal appearances. If that's true, they obviously can't do them all, so they can afford to pass up the ones they really don't want to do. --Manager Michael Schweiger says, quote, "Someone offered us $50,000 to have PAULY D walk them down the aisle at their wedding, to give them away. --"We rejected the offer, because Pauly is a serious DJ and . . . he does not want to be doing stuff that is unrelated to DJ-ing." (--So . . . did they already have a DJ or what? If they're already ready to pay him $50,000, I'm sure they would've added an hourly rate to have him rock the reception.)

#1.) "Deadliest Catch" star PHIL HARRIS continues to recuperate from the stroke he suffered back on January 29th. --He is now breathing on his own . . . after using breathing tubes for the first week of his recovery . . . and he's beginning to regain feeling on the left side of his body. Sources say his doctors are, quote, "extremely impressed" with his progress.

#2.) It's official: TLC's "American Chopper" is coming to a close. The SERIES finale will air this Thursday night at 9:00 P.M.


Some crazy man apparently threatened 30 SECONDS TO MARS singer JARED LETO . . . in front of a room full of his friends and fans. Here's what happened . . . --Last Thursday, Jared invited fans to an L.A. gallery he runs to give them a sneak preview of an upcoming documentary on the band. But right after it started, there was a loud knock at the door. Jared asked someone to open the door. --That's when a man wearing a hoodie and holding a giant package walked into the room, approached Jared, and tossed the package on the floor. Then he began ranting. --Jared later told MTV News, quote, "He was very incoherent and delusional. I tried to talk to him, he got more and more aggressive. I saw he was not well, and then he started to read out of [a] notebook . . . saying he had this message for me." --At some point, someone called the bomb squad. They cleared the building and several surrounding blocks. The crazy man told police that the package contained, quote, "some appliances . . . and maybe some explosives." --Bomb-sniffing dogs were brought in, but there weren't any explosives. According to unofficial reports, the box actually contained a blender, candy and some money. (???) --As far as we know, the man . . . whose name has not been released . . . is still in custody. Police are still investigating the incident. (--With the arrest and all, I realize there's really no chance that this is some kind of publicity stunt . . . but with Jared Leto, nothing would surprise me.)



Last fall, the media went ape-nuts over the SWINE FLU epidemic. But over the past few months, media coverage of the virus has tapered off to the point that now, we hardly even hear about it anymore . . . and that's causing some people to let down their guard.--I bring it up because according to a new survey from the Harvard School of Public Health, nearly HALF of all Americans think the swine flu epidemic is a thing of the past. But it's NOT. If you don't believe it, listen to this . . . --Last week, NINE American children died of the flu. And at least EIGHT of those deaths were attributed to swine flu. --Or, as a specialist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention puts it, quote, "We don't seem to be seeing the disappearance of this virus. The past several weeks, there's really been STEADY TRANSMISSION, rather than a disappearance." --In other words, it's just as important to get your kids vaccinated against swine flu now as it was last fall, even though the media isn't interested in covering swine flu anymore. --By the way, if you're one of those people who think it's actually safer to get swine flu than to get inoculated against it . . . that's not true either. --According to a new study by the California Department of Health, swine flu killed ONE in every 10,000 people who contracted it last year. But of the 13 MILLION people who were vaccinated against swine flu, just THREE died. --That means at the very highest, the swine flu vaccination has a death rate of just ONE in 4.3 MILLION. And experts say it's likely that NONE of the deaths were actually caused by the vaccination itself . . . in which case its death rate would be 0%. (Boston Globe / USA Today)


Last week, something called "Network World" released its fourth annual list of the year's "geekiest" 25th anniversaries. Basically, they identified a bunch of stuff that was invented in 1985, and narrowed it down to include only the geekiest innovations.--Anyway, we cherry-picked a few of the most interesting items on the list. Check it out:--New Coke--The Discovery Channel--Blockbuster Video--Commodore's Amiga 1000, which was billed as the world's first multimedia computer--AOL--"Back to the Future" --"MacGyver"--Nintendo--The ability to register dot-com domain names--The discovery of the first hole in the ozone layer, and . . .--Microsoft Windows 1.0 (Network World)


12-year-old Alexa Gonzalez goes to junior high school 190 in Queens, New York. --Last Monday, Alexa was in Spanish class when her teacher caught her DOODLING on her desk. She wrote, quote, "I love my friends Abby and Faith," and, quote, "Lex was here - 2/1/10." She also drew a smiley face on her desk. --Anyway, Alexa's teacher reported the incident to school authorities. But instead of giving her detention or making her clean the desk, they called the police, and had Alexa HANDCUFFED and ARRESTED for doodling on her desk with erasable marker. --Alexa's been suspended from school ever since. And she's been also assigned eight hours of community service, along with a book report and an essay on what she learned from the experience. --And all of this happened in spite of the fact that, according to education and police officials, it was a mistake that Alexa was arrested in the first place. (New York Daily News)


If you consider yourself a "car guy," this is just a heads-up to let you know there's a company in St. Louis called Crazy Car Desks. They take wrecked Corvettes and turn them into customized office desks, refrigerators and grills . . . among other things. --To the average person, it may seem kind of lame to have a desk that looks like the rear end of a Corvette. But if you're really into cars, you'll probably think it's cool. (--You can contact Crazy Car Desks at 636-542-2373. And you can link to their website here . . .) News)
#1.) SARAH PALIN got caught reading notes off the palm of her hand while speaking at the Tea Party Convention in Nashville on Saturday. Terms: Sarah Palin reads cheat notes on her hand video)

#2.) A carjacker in New Zealand told a cop he needed the car because he was hungry and wanted to buy a meat pie at a gas station. Then the cop reminded him to always blow on hot food before taking a bite. Terms: "always blow on the pie" deadpan joke Guy Baldwin New Zealand)
#3.) Thirty-two inches of snow fell in the Washington, D.C., area this weekend. Check out this weatherman freaking out on Friday about the imminent blizzard. Terms: snowpocalypse Jim Kosek)
#4.) This guy built a pretty decent rollercoaster in his backyard. Terms: backyard roller coaster
#5.) Check out MORGAN FREEMAN on "The Electric Company" in the 1970s, before he was famous. (--He starts singing a song about reading at :58.) Terms: Morgan Freeman gets groovy "The Electric Company")

When you're single, the thought of Valentine's Day makes you sick. So here are five Valentine's Day gifts to give to the last person who dumped you . . .
#1.) BITTERSWEETS. They're just like those little heart-shaped candies, but instead of saying things like "Kiss Me," "Love You," or "Be Mine," they say things like "Mutual Disgust," "Booty Too Big," and "Return My CD's."
#2.) "SEX FOR DUMMIES." Yep, they actually have a book called "Sex For Dummies." Send it to that ex you hate, and include a note that says you hope they have more success in their future relationships.
#3.) "LOVE STINKS" SOAP. It's a big, pink, heart-shaped bar of soap with the words "Love Stinks" carved right into the front of it. It sends the message that your relationship was awful . . . but it also implies that the other person literally STINKS.
#4.) A DOORMAT. Just think of the underlying implication. It's the perfect way to say, "You don't get to treat ME like a doormat anymore."
#5.) THE BOYFRIEND PILLOW. It's like a regular pillow, but with an arm sticking out the side that wraps around you. It's basically like saying, "I'm glad we're not sleeping together anymore. Here's a memory-foam version of me so you don't get lonely." (


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