Friday, September 16, 2011


Showbiz Photo of the Day: Jennifer Aniston and "Chastity" Bono Hanging Out Together in High School:

You may not have known this, but JENNIFER ANISTON went to high school with CHAZ BONO. Of course back then, Chaz was still a GIRL . . . and her name was CHASTITY. --But apparently, they were friends, as you can see in today's Showbiz Photo of the Day . . . featuring these YOUNG ladies in the locker room at New York's High School of the Performing Arts back in 1987. (--Check it out here.) (Huffington Post) (--And check out a photo gallery of Chastity (slash) Chaz through the years, here.)

Brad Pitt Says He Lived an Uninteresting Life When He Was Married to Jennifer Aniston . . . But He Doesn't Blame Jennifer:

BRAD PITT has never really been disrespectful to JENNIFER ANISTON since he ditched her for ANGELINA JOLIE . . . but some things he says in the new issue of "Parade" magazine sound a little below the belt: --Brad gushes about his life with Angelina, saying, quote, "I put much more emphasis on being a satisfied man. --"I'm satisfied with making true choices and finding the woman I love, Angie, and building a family that I love so much." --He also calls her a great mom, and says that starting a family with her was, quote, "one of the greatest, smartest things I ever did." --Then he makes it sound like his life before, with Jennifer, was TOTAL CRAP. (???) --He says, quote, "I spent the '90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony. I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. --"It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn't living an interesting life myself."--He adds, quote, "I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn't."--But soon after those comments hit the web, Brad issued a statement clarifying that he wasn't blaming Jennifer for anything. --He said, quote, "It grieves me that this was interpreted this way. Jen is an incredibly giving, loving, and hilarious woman who remains my friend. It is an important relationship I value greatly. --"The point I was trying to make is not that Jen was dull, but that I was becoming dull to myself . . . and that, I am responsible for." --Meanwhile, in a separate interview with "Entertainment Weekly", Brad said something else that could potentially rub Jen the wrong way. --He was discussing "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" . . . the movie where he and Angelina met and fell in love while Brad was still married to Jennifer. --He said, quote, "We had some good workshops beforehand. Had some good laughs and ideas. That was just a great collaboration that turned into a greater collaboration."

Nick Cannon Doesn't Want the Twins in Showbiz:

If NICK CANNON has his way, his 4-month-old twins Moroccan and Monroe will NOT follow him and their mom, MARIAH CAREY, into showbiz. --He says, quote, "I just want them to strive for something greater than entertainment. I'm one of those believers in teachers, professors, heart surgeons. That's what I'm rooting for. If I could get a scientist, that'd be amazing."

Check Out Video of Kim Kardashian at 4 Years Old . . . and Khloe as a Baby in a Bunny Costume:

KIM KARDASHIAN posted some old home movies on her website. --One features Kim dressed as Minnie Mouse on her FOURTH birthday . . . and the other is of her sister KHLOE as a baby, wearing a bunny costume. (--Check 'em both out here.) --The videos were shot by the girls' late father, ROBERT KARDASHIAN. And we're assuming they were shot at the same time, because the theme from "Ghostbusters" is playing in the background of both. --Also, Kim is a little less than four years older than Khloe . . . so their ages in the respective videos seem to correspond. --If you're wondering why this family seems to be treating Kim's birthday like it's Halloween . . . it's probably because Kim was born on October 21st.

Scarlett Johansson is Threatening to Sue Websites that Post Her Nude Photos:

Well, we can officially say that the nude SCARLETT JOHANSSON photos are REAL . . . because she's threatening to sue any websites that post them. --Her attorney sent letters to various sites asking them to take down what he called, quote, "stolen copyright protected private photographs." --The letter goes on to say, quote, "The highly personal and private photographs at issue capture our client self-posing in her own home in a state of undress and / or topless." (--Scarlett was spotted in New York City yesterday, looking about as UN-sexy as she could. Check out a pic.) (TMZ)

Scarlett Johansson and Mila Kunis Can Give You a Virus . . . On Your Computer:

The anti-virus experts at McAfee have released their annual list of the most dangerous celebrities to search for online. --These are the celebs whose names are being used most often by scumbag hackers and pirates to mess with your computer. In other words, when you search their names, there's a good chance that clicking on the resulting links could get you a nasty virus. --Thanks to this phone-hacking scandal, SCARLETT JOHANSSON and MILA KUNIS have made the list for the very first time. Scarlett is 9th and Mila is 6th.
(--We haven't seen any hacked pics of Mila's, but rumor has it there are some kicking around out there.)

--Here's the Top 10 . . .

#1.) Heidi Klum

#2.) Cameron Diaz

#3.) Piers Morgan (--Yes, Piers Morgan. Why? McAfee says, quote, "He's evidently growing up in ranks as far as his celeb status and his name is becoming common place.")

#4.) Jessica Biel

#5.) Katherine Heigl

#6.) Mila Kunis

#7.) Anna Paquin

#8.) Adriana Lima

#9.) Scarlett Johansson

#10.) (tie) Emma Stone, Brad Pitt and Rachel McAdams

Heather Morris Had Breast Implants . . . But She Got Rid of Them:

"Glee" star HEATHER MORRIS . . . who plays the hilariously dumb cheerleader Brittany . . . made an intelligent choice in real life when she decided to have her breast implants removed. -She says, quote, "Implants were something I thought I wanted when I was younger, and now I don't. --"It was hard being active with them, because my chest was always sore. It hurt a lot, and I didn't like always being in pain, so they had to go." (--Heather is 24 years old. It's not clear when she got the implants . . . or when she had them taken out.)

Three Years Ago, Stacy Keibler Joked About Being the Subject of a George Clooney Engagement Rumor:

STACY KEIBLER is living the dream of MILLIONS of women by mashing genitalia with GEORGE CLOONEY. But years before she made that happen, Stacy apparently already had George in her sights. --Three years ago, after Stacy made a name for herself by jumping from the WWE to "Dancing With the Stars", E! News spoke with her about her newfound fame. --When they randomly floated the possibility that she could be romantically linked to Clooney, she was ALL ABOUT IT. --She said, quote, "Oh, I would love to be in that rumor. If that comes out in the media that I'm engaged to George Clooney, I would run with that one, for sure." (--Here's video.)

January Jones Had Her Baby:

"Mad Men" star JANUARY JONES gave birth to a baby boy on Tuesday. Unfortunately for him, his name is Xander Dane Jones. This is January's first child. --Oh, and she STILL hasn't revealed who the father is.


Christina Hendricks Has Supporting Roles in Two New Movies This Weekend . . . "Drive" and "I Don't Know How She Does It":

#1.) "Straw Dogs" (R)

James Marsden plays a quiet guy who's pushed to his limit after he moves to the South with his hot wife. Her ex-boyfriend starts harassing them right away, and things get a lot more intense when a group of locals trap the two of them in their house. --It's a remake of a 1971 movie that starred Dustin Hoffman in the James Marsden role. In this one, the wife is played by Kate Bosworth, and Alexander Skarsgard from "True Blood" plays her ex. (--Here's the trailer for the remake. And you'll find the trailer for the original here.)

#2.) "Drive" (R)

Ryan Gosling plays a Hollywood stunt driver who makes a quick buck as a getaway driver . . . and discovers that a hit was put on him after a heist goes wrong. Carey Mulligan plays his love interest and Albert Brooks is the mobster who's after them. --Christina Hendricks, Ron Perlman and Bryan Cranston are all in it too. (Trailer)

#3.) "I Don't Know How She Does It" (PG-13)

Sarah Jessica Parker plays a working mom juggling a high stress job with the strain of losing time with her kids. Greg Kinnear is her unemployed husband, Kelsey Grammer plays her boss, and Pierce Brosnan is a guy who takes an interest in her at work. --Christina Hendricks,"SNL's" Seth Meyers, and Olivia Munn are in it too. (Trailer)

#4.) "The Lion King (in 3D)" (G)

This is the first time the movie's been shown in 3D and it will only be in theaters for two weeks. The original came out in 1994 and had two sequels, "Simba's Pride" and "Lion King 1½". (Trailer)

William Shatner Gives "Star Wars" No Love:

You've got to love WILLIAM SHATNER . . . it's been 45 years since he first put on the uniform and he's still waving the flag for "Star Trek" . . . while simultaneously delivering verbal beat-downs to "Star Wars". --In a recent interview, The Shat pulled no punches, calling "Star Wars" DERIVATIVE of "Star Trek" . . . and saying the only thing it had over "Trek" was the advanced special effects. --He said, quote, "'Star Trek' had relationships and conflict among the relationships, and stories that involved humanity and philosophical questions . . . 'Star Wars' was special effects." --Then Shatner put the final nail in the coffin, by pointing out that the effects in the new J.J. ABRAMS "Trek" movies are so up-to-date that they've basically made "Star Wars" irrelevant. --He said, quote, "There's a resurgence of 'Star Trek' . . . that supersedes 'Star Wars' on every level . . . so 'Star Wars' has nothing to stand on." --Shatner did admit, however, that a Captain Kirk / Princess Leia hook-up would have been the, quote, "perfect union" of the two franchises. (--And yes, this was all captured on video. Check it out here.) (--Speaking of "Star Wars", NASA has discovered a planet from which you could actually see a DOUBLE SUNSET . . . just like Luke Skywalker did on Tatooine. If that turns you on, you can read more about it here.)

The New "Muppets" Trailer is a Parody of the Trailer for "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo":

There's a new trailer for "The Muppets" that rips on the trailer for "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". It's called "The Pig With the Froggy Tattoo". (--You can check it out here. And you can see the "Dragon Tattoo" trailer it's goofing on here.) --"The Muppets" hits theaters November 23rd.

Keira Knightley Needed Vodka to Get Through a Spanking Scene:

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY had to be TIED DOWN AND SPANKED in her latest movie, "A Dangerous Method". But in order to go through with it, she needed BOOZE. --She says, quote, "I did a couple of shots of vodka, definitely, beforehand, and then a couple of glasses of champagne as a celebration of never having to do that again." --Sadly for us, Keira never actually got spanked. Her co-star, MICHAEL FASSBENDER, was hitting a BOX strategically hidden next to her. (--"A Dangerous Method" is about the relationship between psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. Keira plays a woman who had an affair with Jung, who's played by Fassbender. VIGGO MORTENSEN plays Freud. The movie hits theaters in November.)

"Jersey Shore" Is Costing New Jersey Taxpayers $420,000:

"Jersey Shore" doesn't cost you anything . . . except brain cells, of course . . . UNLESS you're a New Jersey taxpayer. In that case, you're paying into a $420,000 tax credit that the show was just awarded. And that's just for the FIRST season. --The New Jersey Economic Development Authority approved the credit as part of a program that was designed to attract the entertainment business to New Jersey . . . in an effort to stimulate the economy. --Well, a state assemblyman is raising a stink over this. He believes "Jersey Shore" paints a negative picture of New Jersey, and doesn't think its citizens should have to pay for it. So, he's asking Governor CHRIS CHRISTIE to veto the credit. --It's not clear if this can happen, but we do know that Christie is NOT a fan of "Jersey Shore" or Hollywood tax breaks. His office issued a statement saying, quote, "The Governor's opinions about 'Jersey Shore' and its New Yorker cast are well-known. --"They are phonies and the show is a false portrayal of New Jersey and our shore communities. He has also been clear about his belief that film tax credit programs are not the most effective way to spur economic growth throughout the state." --In fact, Christie shut down the tax break program last year, so it doesn't sound like any of the other seasons of "Jersey Shore" would be eligible for a kickback. --For what it's worth, the mayor of Seaside Heights thinks the show IS helping local businesses. He says, quote, "The boost to the economy certainly shows, when they are here this place is busy. A lot of the business folks here appreciate that." (--Here's an amusing side-note: Check out this description of "Jersey Shore", which the producers gave to the tax credit people before the show began . . .) (--Quote, "The film is about eight roommates. There is no screenplay. The roommates live in a house and are asked to work in a local establishment on the New Jersey Coast.) (--"The cameras capture the interaction among the roommates and how the roommates interact at work and at play in Seaside Heights.") (--Obviously, that description is severely understated, which is funny.) (--But it doesn't REALLY matter though, because the tax credits were issued indiscriminately . . . without taking the actual content into consideration.)

Tareq Salahi Is "Relieved" That His Wife Michaele Was Not Kidnapped, But He's "Devastated" That She Left Him for Neal Schon:

"White House crasher" TAREQ SALAHI is thrilled that his wife MICHAELE wasn't kidnapped . . . but he is NOT thrilled that she's with marriage crasher NEAL SCHON. --Neal is the lead guitarist for JOURNEY, when he's not chasing married, "Real Housewives of D.C." tail. (--Which is awesome . . . the Journey part.) --On "Good Morning America" yesterday, Tareq's lawyer said, quote, "Tareq is devastated, but he is relieved to know that Michaele is safe and is okay. That was [his] first concern." --He also said it would be "premature" to say that they're going to get divorced, and added, quote, "If there's an opportunity for reconciliation that's something they can and ought to explore." --Obviously, it's now apparent that Michaele did leave Tareq to pursue romantic naughtiness with Neal . . . and didn't just suddenly decide she wanted to chill with her old buddy and take in a few Journey concerts. --In fact, TMZ claims Michaele has been bragging about the, quote, "wild sex" she's been having with Neal . . . and that the affair has been going on for TWO YEARS. TMZ also says Tareq feels "betrayed." (--OK. That's the first thing that's made sense in all this madness. Anyway, you can watch the lawyer's "Good Morning America" interview, here. He must be new to the Salahis, because he looks VERY UNCOMFORTABLE on TV.)WEEKEND TV REMINDERS

Friday TV Reminders:

--"2011 ALMA Awards" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Eva Longoria and George Lopez host the 16th annual awards show for Hispanics.)

--"Star Wars: The Clone Wars" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Cartoon Network.

--"Karaoke Battle USA" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"24/7: Mayweather/Ortiz" [12th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on HBO.

--"Tanked" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Animal Planet.

--"20/20" [34th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Six women who fell victim to Philippe Padieu, the guy who knowingly infected multiple women with HIV, talk to Elizabeth Vargas.)

--"Roseanne's Nuts" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Lifetime.

--"Whisker Wars" [1st Season Finale] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on IFC.

Saturday TV Reminders:

--"Biography: Mariah Carey" . . . 7:00 to 8:00 A.M. on A&E.

--"Grand Ole Opry Live" . . . 7:00 to 9:00 P.M. on GAC. (--Pam Tillis, Steve Wariner, Ricky Skaggs, Kristin Chenoweth and The Boxcars perform.)

More Saturday TV Reminders:

--"Austin City Limits" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. (--Sonic Youth and The Black Keys perform.) (REPEAT)

--"Celebrity Nightmares Decoded" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bio. (--Dustin Diamond, Danielle Staub, Nicole Eggert and Too Short examine their dreams and their possible meanings.)

--"I Faked My Own Death" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Discovery Channel.

--"Confronting" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on OWN. (--This series brings together a victim and offender who attempt to talk about the traumatic event which links them, in order to find understanding and closer.)

--"Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on VH1 Classic. (--Sammy Hagar rehearses with the campers as they prepare for their sold-out concert on the Sunset Strip.)

--"Blue Mountain State" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Spike TV.

--"That Metal Show" . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1 Classic. (--Skid Row guitarist Dave "The Snake" Sabo and Anthrax guitarist Scott Ian and drummer Charlie Benante guest.)

--"Saturday Night Live" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. (--Justin Timberlake guest hosts and Lady Gaga is the musical guest.) (REPEAT)

Sunday TV Reminders:

--"Sunday Night Football" . . . 8:20 to 11:20 P.M. Eastern on NBC. (--The Atlanta Falcons host the Philadelphia Eagles at Georgia Dome in Atlanta.)

--"Countdown to the Emmys" . . . 7:00 to 8:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Nancy O'Dell, Mark Thompson and Amanda Byram are your hosts.)

--"So Random!" . . . 7:30 to 8:00 P.M. on Disney Channel. (--Hot Chelle Rae performs. You know them for their song "Tonight, Tonight".)

--"63rd Primetime Emmy Awards" . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Fox. (--"Glee's" Jane Lynch is your host.) (--Here are your nominees.)

--"Shake It Up" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Disney Channel.

--"40 Most Shocking Hip Hop Moments" . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on VH1.

--"Hoarding: Buried Alive" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TLC.
Stone Temple Pilots Ended Their Tour Early Because Scott Weiland Needs "Vocal Rest":

STONE TEMPLE PILOTS have postponed the last four dates of their tour because singer SCOTT WEILAND needs, quote, "immediate vocal rest." --The band posted this explanation on Facebook: Quote, "With such a heavy concert schedule and vocal activity we determined that Mr. Weiland could potentially run the risk of a vocal hemorrhage or suffer permanent damage hence putting him on complete vocal rest." --The band says the dates will be rescheduled "soon."

Snoop Dogg Will Star in a Movie About Musician / Pimp Fillmore Slim:

Here's a role SNOOP DOGG was born to play. He may not even have to act. --Snoop will star in a movie about FILLMORE SLIM . . . a blues singer and guitarist, who was also a renowned pimp in San Francisco throughout the '60s and '70s. He was often called "The West Coast Godfather of the Game" and "The Pope of Pimping." --The movie is called "The Legend of Fillmore Slim", and there's no release information yet. Fillmore is still alive. He's 77 years old, and still touring. (--He even looks a little like Snoop. You can check out some pics of Fillmore, along with some of his music here.) --Meanwhile, the "Hollywood Reporter" says Snoop is developing a "family sitcom," in which he'd star as the father. There isn't any other information on it . . . including a title or a network.

Lady Antebellum Hired a "Communications Specialist" to Help Them Get Along With Each Other:

I've heard artists say that a band is like a marriage. You're together constantly and you argue over stupid crap. So when LADY ANTEBELLUM noticed they were butting heads a little too often, they hired a specialist to help them deal. --HILLARY SCOTT says, quote, "It took us time to learn how to communicate with each other the best way and each of us receive it. We actually . . . I don't feel ashamed to say . . . actually had someone come and mediate a couple of times. --"Not really a therapist, but a communications specialist. We figured out how to argue and work through things, but argue respectfully." --Fortunately, the process didn't drag on. Hillary says, quote, "Time and a couple of sessions with that mediator and we figured things out. I think it's honestly a really smart way to work through things." --DAVE HAYWOOD sees a huge payoff too. He says, quote, "I think we're the closest we've ever been as a group right now." (--Anyone who's worked closely with other employees has had to deal with conflict. So we're wondering . . . were you ever at a job where emotions got so nasty the boss had to hire a "specialist" to smooth things over?)


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

BRITNEY SPEARS says she's not engaged, so why does it look like she's wearing an engagement ring? (Full Story)

Even though she was seen buying prenatal vitamins, SOFIA VERGARA is NOT pregnant. Sources say she takes them because they're good for your hair. (Full Story)

EVA LONGORIA and TONY PARKER don't speak anymore. (Full Story)

CAMILLE GRAMMER says she's dating someone who, quote, "kisses very well." (Full Story)

A pharmacist who would have testified that he shipped massive amounts of propofol to DR. CONRAD MURRAY in the weeks leading up to MICHAEL JACKSON'S death has moved to Thailand and disappeared without a trace. (Full Story)

Former NFL defender CHRIS MCALISTER . . . who went to the Super Bowl with the Baltimore Ravens in 2001 . . . claims he's broke and living with his parents, and thus he can't pay his ex-wife $11,000 a month in child support. Oh, and in 2004, he signed a $55 MILLION contract. (Full Story)

BARRY MANILOW is a RON PAUL man. (Full Story)

NBC is developing a new police drama starring ETHAN HAWKE and former "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" star VINCENT D'ONOFRIO. They'll play homicide detectives. It's called "Blue Tilt". (Full Story)

(--Sounds like yet another "Law & Order" clone to me. In fact, the other key player involved in this project is a writer / producer that worked with D'Onofrio on "Criminal Intent".)

A one-hour "women's prison drama" is in the works at NBC. It's called "Bad Girls", and it's based on a British show of the same name. That's all we've got on it for now. (Full Story)

Bravo may be making some changes on "The Real Housewives of New York City". There's talk that Jill Zarin, Kelly Bensimon, Alex McCord and Cindy Barshop are being axed . . . but nothing's official yet. (Full Story)

Officially, JAMES BROWN died of a heart attack on Christmas of 2006. But his publicist has hired a private detective because she believes he was MURDERED. She also says that his son-in-law was killed for "knowing too much" . . . and that she's received death threats, which have forced her into hiding. (Full Story)


Radio is Still the Most Popular Form of Entertainment in the Car . . . And the Competition Isn't Even Close:

The fact that you're listening to us right now proves this story is true. No matter how many new options people have to entertain themselves in the car . . . you just can't get enough of my unthinkably sexy voice. --In a new study of how people entertain themselves in the car, 64% say they listen to AM or FM radio . . . making it the CLEAR number one pick. --CD players came in second, with 21%. All of the other devices, from iPods and satellite radio, to Pandora and eight-tracks accounted for 15%. (Radio Ink)

One in Five Men Never Wear Deodorant?

It's not just your imagination. The people around you really DO smell bad. In a JARRING new survey, 21% of men, or one in five, say they don't EVER wear deodorant. They don't even put on some body spray. They just ride it out naturally. --The survey also found that 21% of men never use shampoo . . . it's not necessarily the same 21% who don't use deodorant, but there's probably some overlap. --62% of men say they use aftershave or cologne . . . 54% prefer soap over a shower gel . . . and 17% never wear sunscreen. (Daily Mail)

Americans Eat Out 249 Times a Year:

The average American eats five meals a week in restaurants, according to a survey by Living Social. --Their first-ever Dining Out survey found that we eat out 4.8 times a week, which comes out to 249 meals a year. --Lunch is the most popular meal to eat out, at about three times a week. We eat dinner at restaurants about one-and-a-half times a week, and breakfast or brunch a little less than once a week. --The most popular type of restaurant is Italian, with two in three Americans saying they're regular customers. Mexican food is next, with three in five people eating there regularly. Chinese and pizza round out the top four. --Thai food is the restaurant style people tried for the first time most recently. People also said they've experimented with trying Sushi, Greek food, Barbeque, and Indian food.
--Nearly half of Americans described themselves as "meat lovers". One in five said they were a "sweet tooth", just slightly ahead of the number who are "fast food junkies." --New York was voted the best city for eating out, followed by Chicago, San Francisco, and Houston. Detroit finished last, just behind Seattle and Sacramento. --Los Angeles had the best fast food, and Washington D.C. was the best for vegetarian food. (PR Newswire)

Want to Use a Coupon on a Date Without Looking Cheap?

There aren't many red flags on a date bigger than paying with a coupon. And that's too bad . . . because in this economy, and with Groupon and its 300 clones going strong, coupons are more useful than ever. --Fortunately, there's help. The woman behind a blog called The Frugalista shared the secret for using a coupon on a date. Check it out: --Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom . . . find your server . . . give them the coupon . . . and let them know you'll leave a nice tip if they deduct the coupon from the bill discreetly. YOU'RE WELCOME . . . you cheap bastard. (Washington Post)

One Out of Three Americans is Officially Miserable That Their Summer Vacation is Over:

Summer's gone, man. We're halfway through September. And there's a good chance you're MISERABLE about that. --A new survey by TripAdvisor found that 34% of Americans say they're struggling with post-vacation depression now that they're back from summer trips. --The survey also found 12% of people have called in a fake sick day since their vacation . . . 8% came back and immediately started looking for a new job . . . and 4% have been showing up late for work. (Reuters)

Only One in Three Telecommuters Put in a Full Eight-Hour Day . . . and One in Six Work An Hour or Less:

More Americans than ever are telecommuting . . . but apparently they don't work as much as people who have to schlep to the office each day. --According to a CareerBuilder survey, 6% of workers telecommute full time, up from 4% in 2007. Another 10% do it at least once a week, up from 8% four years ago. --Nearly two in five telecommuters think they're more productive when they go to the office to work. --Only one in three telecommuters work a full eight hour day . . . and that's nearly double the number that were putting in a full day in 2007. --But 17% of telecommuters put in an hour or less a day, which is up 2% from four years ago. --You might be thinking, "People goof off in the office too." True, but nearly half of all workers say they put in eight hours a day, and only 2% work less than an hour a day. --The biggest distraction for people working at home is household chores. They also lose work time to television, pets, errands, the Internet, and children. --The survey also found that three in 10 telecommuters work in their pajamas, with women twice as likely as men to work in their PJs. (CareerBuilder)

There are New Guinness World Records for the Longest Female Tongue, the Biggest Afro, and More:

I KNOW I'm not the only person who loves the "Human Oddities" freakshow section in the "Guinness Book of World Records". So I'm happy to report they've added a bunch of new ones for this year's book.

--Longest Female Tongue. The prize goes to 21-year-old Chanel Tapper of Los Angeles, California, whose tongue is 3.8 inches from the tip to the top of her lip. Basically, it extends down at least an inch past her CHIN.

--Tallest Man. 28-year-old Sultan Kosen of Ankara, Turkey is the new record holder at EIGHT FEET, THREE INCHES. He was measured back in February . . . so by now, he might even be a little bit taller.

--Longest Beard, Male. Not sure why they needed to specify "male" for this . . . but the record holder is 59-year-old Sarwan Singh of Canada who has a seven foot, nine inch beard. At least two feet of it seem to drag on the ground.

--Largest Afro. Guinness has more SOUL than we realized. 36-year-old Aevin Dugas of New Orleans, Louisiana is the new record holder . . . her fro has a circumference of four feet, four inches.


(--Here are photos of all four new record holders.)

The Average Family Home Sees 2,000 Arguments and 928 Sex Sessions:

The average family lives in a home for eight years before they move out. A new study tried to figure out what the house witnesses for those eight years. Here are the averages it found . . .

--2,000 arguments, or two every three days.

--928 SEX SESSIONS, or about one every three days.

--233 slammed doors, or about two to three a month.

--4,880 kisses, or about three every two days.

--14,016 TV shows, or about five a day.

--957 spills, or about one every three days.

--274 small or large repair projects, or one every 11 or so days.

--1,144 visitors, or about one every three days.

--The purchase of three pets and two cars.

--And the birth of one child.
Here's a List of the Top 10 Getaway Cars for Bank Robbers. Wait . . . What?

The print media keeps going further and further off the deep end to try to get eyeballs, huh? The "Chicago Tribune" had an expert from put together this list of the top 10 getaway cars that bank robbers should choose.

--The cars are based on a mix of being fast and forgettable . . . basically, he was looking for cars that get you away from the bank and quickly blend in with traffic. So here are the top 10:

#1.) Toyota Camry. So common on the roads you can dump it next to a dozen identical cars and walk away.

#2.) Ford Escape. The name alone makes it qualified.

#3.) Honda Element. Quote, "The plastic floors . . . [mean] it's good for the exploding dye pack . . . and cleaning up flesh wounds."

#4.) GMC Sierra. Big towing capacity in case you steal a large safe or vault.

#5.) Volkswagen Passat TDI. Good mix of speed and gas mileage . . . you can get almost 800 miles on a tank as you try to cross the border.

#6.) Hyundai Sonata. Good handling during chases, and it's nice and generic.

#7.) Ram Cargo Van. You can wrap it up to disguise it as a delivery truck for a business or maybe even a postal van.

#8.) Ford F-150. It's perfect for off-road high-speed chases.

#9.) Dodge Charger SRT-8. It can outrun any Chargers the police are driving . . . and also might blend in well enough to look like another cop car.

#10.) Cadillac CTS-V Sport Wagon. Very powerful, and strong enough to maintain high speeds with passengers and a lot of stolen cash. (Chicago Tribune)

Casey Anthony Has to Pay $98,000 for the Search for Her Daughter:

Yesterday, a judge ruled that CASEY ANTHONY will have to reimburse the state of Florida for the money they spent searching for her daughter . . . since Anthony KNEW her daughter was dead and buried the entire time. --The judge ruled that Anthony has to reimburse the state just over $97,000 for the cost of the search. More than 30 sheriff's deputies and employees worked on the hunt for Caylee Anthony. --Try to think of this as a tiny, tiny bit of justice served . . . and try NOT to think of how Anthony could pay this off ten times over just by doing ONE TV interview. --That verdict disappointed the prosecution. They wanted Anthony on the hook for more than $500,000 . . . which covered the missing persons hunt AND the cost of the investigation, prosecution, and trial. --The judge left the door open to revise the $97,000 total upward if it turns out the search cost more than that. --He didn't lay out a payment schedule of when Anthony will have to pay up. (Christian Science Monitor)


Must-See Video! SpongeBob SquarePants Was Arrested for Fighting With Two Women in Hollywood:

I'm not sure how you're going to break it to your kids . . . but SpongeBob SquarePants just got thrown in jail. Here's what went down. --Guys dress up as famous movie and TV characters on Hollywood Boulevard in L.A., and take pictures with tourists for tips. But sometimes they get too aggressive demanding those tips . . . and bad things happen. --Apparently that's what happened on Tuesday afternoon. Based on the video that hit TMZ yesterday, SpongeBob . . . well, TECHNICALLY the dude in the SpongeBob costume . . . is bugging two women, and things start to escalate. --It starts with them getting in SpongeBob's face . . . and then one of the women beats the hell out of him. --The police intervene, SpongeBob eventually takes off his costume . . . and reveals he's a middle-aged, balding black guy. He's arrested . . . and the two women are holding their hands on their heads like they're going to be arrested too --The police haven't revealed any other details so we don't know the names, ages, or charges. All we've got is the video. The incredible, must-see video. (TMZ / Los Angeles Times) (--And here's the video. Warning: There's lots of bleeped profanity.)


A Waitress in the San Diego Chargers Club Seats Dropped $1,000 Cash Over the Railing . . . and the Fans in the Lower Level Returned It:

For the last five years, Heather Allison has been a waitress for the Club Level seats at San Diego Chargers games. Those are the full-service seats that cost A LOT. --Heather was working the Chargers' preseason game against the San Francisco 49ers, on September 1st, when disaster struck. -After delivering food and getting paid, Heather tripped and dropped the money she was carrying . . . and about $1,000 worth of cash went over the railing and fell on the lower level seats. --Fans in the club seats yelled down to the fans in the seats below and explained that the money raining down belonged to their server, who was a full-time student and mother of four. --Amazingly, they convinced the fans to COLLECT the cash and RETURN it. A security guard brought Heather a stack of cash within ten minutes, and ALL the money was there. She was able to pay for the food and pocketed $170 in tips. --Heather said, quote, "It was all there. Chargers fans are amazing. We're like a family." (Sign On San Diego)


#1.) Seth Rogen, Ed Helms, and Andy Samberg Made Fun of "Star Wars" for Cancer:

"Star Wars" came out on Blu-Ray today, and Stand Up 2 Cancer released a video of people goofing on lines from the original trilogy, including Seth Rogen, Andy Samberg, Ed Helms, Emma Stone, Bill Hader, Zach Galifianakis . . . and Samuel L. Jackson? (--Search for "Star Wars Blu-Ray Stand Up to Cancer.")

#2.) A McDonald's Manager Caught on to the "Coning" Prank . . . And Threatened to Shove an Ice Cream Cone in a Customer's Face:

Coning was that stupid trend this year where people would order an ice cream cone at a drive-thru, then grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone. Even Justin Bieber got in on it. --Anyway, there's a new coning video on YouTube, but this time a McDonald's manager knew about the prank. And when a girl tries to do it, he warns her that he could SHOVE IT IN HER FACE. Then he says if she doesn't grab the cone, he'll just throw it away. (--Search for "Anti-Coning McDonald's Manager." The audio of the manager is so loud, this almost seems fake. But if it's real, good for him.)

#3.) It's Mexican Independence Day! Here's the 'Worst Mariachi Band Ever'

It's Mexican Independence Day . . . or Grito de Dolores. And we have something to help you celebrate: --It's a YouTube video called "Worst Mariachi Band Ever". It shows a bunch of kids performing on public access TV in the '90s, and the title is dead-on, they're awful.
(--They start at :17.)

Three Reasons We Fall Out of Love:

Falling in love is great, but making it last is tough. Today we've got three reasons people fall out of love, and three things you can do to help your chances of staying in love forever.

#1.) Refusing to Discuss Relationship Problems. We all know that communication is crucial in any relationship. Research shows that couples who are able to talk through their problems are happier and have much lower divorce rates than other couples.

#2.) Panicking When Things Get Serious. People have a tendency to panic when a relationship gets serious. It's usually because they're not ready to take that next step, and in those cases, there's really nothing you can do to fix it.

#3.) Changing or Getting Bored with Each Other. Over time, people evolve, circumstances change . . . and sometimes, relationships stop working as a result.

And Three Tips to Stay in Love Forever:

#1.) Speak Up When Something Seems "Off". Speak up at the first sign that something is "off" in your relationship. The earlier you fix a problem, the better.

#2.) Keep Things Fresh. Constantly doing the same thing week after week is boring. Keep things fresh by changing up the things you do . . . everything from positions in the bedroom to what you guys do on the weekends.

#3.) Listen and Grow Together. The best thing you can do in a relationship is listen to your partner, and not take each other for granted. Once you've got that down, the rest gets way easier. (


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