Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Chaz Bono Will Dance For You Again Next Week, America!

You did it again, America, and I'm SOOO proud of you: Your votes have ensured that CHAZ BONO will dance for us again next week on "Dancing With the Stars"! --And this, despite the fact that Chaz was TERRIBLE on Monday night. Thanks to a bum knee, Chaz was at the very bottom of the leaderboard this week with 17 points. --But Chaz was NOT in the Bottom Two last night. Those slots were filled by DAVID ARQUETTE and ELISABETTA CANALIS. --David was only one point above the cellar going into last night. He and CARSON KRESSLEY had tied with 18 points each. --But Elisabetta was one of Monday night's top scorers, with 21 points. --In the end, though, dating GEORGE CLOONEY wasn't enough to keep America's interest. Elisabetta was sent home. --But let's not forget what's truly important here: CHAZ BONO LIVES TO DANCE AGAIN!!!

Rihanna Got Kicked Off the Irish Farm Where She Was Filming Her Music Video . . . Because She Went Topless:

Yesterday, we saw photos of RIHANNA frolicking half-naked in a field in Ireland, filming the video for "We Found Love". --What we didn't know at the time is that Rihanna eventually TOOK HER TOP OFF . . . which prompted the owner of that field to KICK HER OUT. --61-year-old farmer Alan Graham says, quote, "I have an ethos and I felt it was inappropriate. I requested them to stop and they did." --But Graham isn't making a big deal out of it. He says, quote, "I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God." --He added, quote, "I had my conversation with Rihanna and I hope she understands where I'm coming from. We shook hands."

Is Jessica Simpson Pregnant?

"In Touch Weekly" says that JESSICA SIMPSON is pregnant . . . and the rest of the celebrity blogosphere seems to be following along. --Of course, this comes from an anonymous source . . . who says Jessica is already having weird cravings, like nacho chips dipped in chocolate, cheese-flavored popcorn and non-alcoholic margaritas. --And at the recent birthday party of fiancé ERIC JOHNSON, she sent back her glass of champagne for the birthday toast.

Is Angelina Jolie Trying to Get Jennifer Aniston's Boyfriend to Co-Star With Her in "Salt 2"?

There's almost no way this is true . . . but it's one of those stories that's just too fun to pass up . . . --The "National Enquirer" claims that ANGELINA JOLIE is courting JUSTIN THEROUX to be her co-star in the upcoming sequel "Salt 2". --Justin is, of course, JENNIFER ANISTON'S boyfriend. --A source says Angelina thinks Justin would be perfect for the part . . . and it also, quote, "gives her a rush to stick it to Jen." --But Jennifer isn't going to sit back and let it happen this time. The source says, quote, "Jen called out Angelina. She's not about to let her steal another man from her like she did with Brad. --"After Angie's brazen play for Justin, Jen told her rival through her handlers: 'Keep your hands off him!'" --But Angelina hasn't responded yet. The source says, quote, "She wants Jen to stay frantic and not know what she is going to do next." (--In a semi-related note, MELISSA ETHERIDGE says she taught BRAD PITT how to fly-fish in her pool when he was going for his part in "A River Runs Through It". You can read more about that here.)

Did Ashton Kutcher Cheat on Demi Moore . . . On Their Anniversary?

ASHTON KUTCHER is facing fresh new allegations that he cheated on DEMI MOORE . . . this time on their ANNIVERSARY. -Ashton and Demi's sixth anniversary was Saturday. On Friday, Ashton was having a boys' night at a bar in San Diego. They partied well into Saturday morning, when Ashton hooked up with a 23-year-old woman. --This woman has supposedly hired a lawyer and gone into hiding. --A source says, quote, "Ashton didn't look like someone who was celebrating a wedding anniversary." --Meanwhile, the "Star" tabloid claims that Ashton and Demi are getting divorced because of his constant infidelities. --A source says, quote, "They have separated and the marriage is over. The relationship ended because of Ashton's serial cheating. It's a painful time for Demi." (--There's no word yet from Demi or Ashton on any of this.)
Gwyneth Paltrow's Most Obnoxious Quotes:

If you're one of the millions of people who seem to be annoyed by GWYNETH PALTROW, then you'll dig this . . .

--It's a slideshow of Gwyneth's MOST OBNOXIOUS QUOTES. (--Check it out here.)

--Here are a few highlights . . .

--"I am who I am. I can't pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year."

--"I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can."

--"I love the English way, which is not as capitalistic as it is in America. People don't talk about work and money; they talk about interesting things at dinner parties."

--"I know people that I respect and admire and look up to who have had extra-marital affairs."

That 47-Year-Old Idiot Has Apologized for Attacking Bristol Palin:

That idiot Stephen Hanks guy has apologized for launching a vicious verbal attack against BRISTOL PALIN at a West Hollywood bar last week. --Hanks issued a statement yesterday saying, quote, "No matter what my feelings are towards Sarah Palin, I should not have expressed them towards her daughter, Bristol Palin. --"I expressed my feelings in an improper manner in the heat of the moment, and allowed my emotions to get the better of me . . . I wish Bristol success with her television show, and much happiness in the future." (--There's more. You can read it here.)

The Octomom is Trying to Sell Her House:

"Octomom" NADYA SULEMAN is trying to sell that house she's always on the verge of losing. It's on the market for $525,000 . . . which some say is $25,000 more than it's worth. (--The house is pretty trashed inside. Here's video.)

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Susan Sarandon Are Doing a Movie Together . . . But as Far as We Can Tell, They Do Not Make Sweet Love:

This is an odd pairing: DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON and SUSAN SARANDON will co-star in a movie called "The Snitch". --As awesome as it would be, it appears that Susan and the Rock will NOT be making sweet interracial, intergenerational love. --The Rock plays a suburban dad whose teenage son is about to be imprisoned for 30 years due to drug laws. In order to reduce the boy's sentence, he goes undercover to take down a drug dealer. --Susan will play a U.S. attorney who feels that a big drug bust would help her political career.
(NC-17) Nancy Grace Is Denying Her Nip-Slip . . . and She's Full of Crap:

NANCY GRACE is DENYING that she suffered a nip-slip after her quickstep performance on "Dancing with the Stars" Monday night. --She says, quote, "There's a lot of rumors running rampant that I had a wardrobe malfunction. I did not. There was a little tiny movement, but it did not equate to a wardrobe malfunction. I would be mortified. I have been judged guilty without a trial. I will go to my grave denying the nip-slip." --Nancy says a nip-slip would have been IMPOSSIBLE . . . because, quote, "I was wearing 'petals' and an industrial strength bra . . . my dancing dress also had a bra sewn into it." (--Breast "petals" . . . or "pasties" . . . are nipple covers. Yesterday, Nancy Tweeted a picture of herself holding a package of them. Here it is.) --There's just one problem with Nancy's denial. She DID have a nip-slip. It's irrevocable . . . and was caught on camera. (--Also, if it wasn't an actual nip-slip, the show wouldn't have cut away from Nancy as quick as they did . . . and host TOM BERGERON wouldn't have reacted by saying, quote, "I'll just help you out there a little bit . . . that's all right, that's all right. On the European version, that would be perfectly fine.")

"Two and a Half Men" Is Still a Ratings Sensation:

This just in: "Two and a Half Men" is still a ratings sensation. Monday's episode drew 20.5 million viewers. That's down from the 28.7 million that watched the season premiere last week . . . but it's still an incredibly big audience. --For comparison, no episode of "Two and a Half Men" had more than 15.6 million viewers last season. Naturally, the ratings will probably sink more before they settle into a groove . . . but the producers must be pleased with its impressive start. (--Meanwhile, CHARLIE SHEEN'S best friend CHUCK LORRE seemed to talk about the Charlie situation in the "vanity card" that aired after Monday's "Two and a Half Men". You can read it, here.)

Andy Rooney Is Leaving "60 Minutes":

ANDY ROONEY is leaving "60 Minutes". His last appearance . . . at least as a "regular contributor" . . . will air this Sunday, when he delivers his 1,097th "essay." Andy is 92, and he's been doing "60 Minutes" for the past 33 years. --A CBS News suit says, quote, "There's nobody like Andy and there never will be. He'll hate hearing this, but he's an American original . . . --"It's harder for him to do [the show] every week, but he will always have the ability to speak his mind on '60 Minutes' when the urge hits him."

"2 Broke Girls" Was Last Week's Highest Rated New Series . . . And "The Playboy Club" Did the Worst of all the New Shows:

Twelve new shows premiered last week. "2 Broke Girls" did the best. It hit #4 in the ratings with 19.4 million viewers, thanks in large part to its lead-in from "Two and a Half Men". "The Playboy Club" did the worst of the new shows, with just 5 million. Here's a quick look at how each of the new series performed:

--"2 Broke Girls" . . . 19.4 million viewers . . . Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs play two waitresses who open a cupcake shop.

--"Unforgettable" . . . 14.1 million viewers . . . This one stars Poppy Montgomery as a cop with the ability to recall every detail of everything she's ever seen.

--"Person of Interest" . . . 13.3 million viewers . . . Jim Caviezel plays a former CIA agent hired by "Lost's" Michael Emerson to prevent crimes before they happen.

--"The X Factor" . . . 12.5 million people who wanted to see Nicole Scherzinger sitting next to Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and a Randy Jackson clone (L.A. Reid).

--"Pan Am" . . . 10.9 million viewers . . . Christina Ricci plays a stewardess in the '60s.

--"Revenge" . . . 10.2 million viewers . . . "Brothers & Sisters" minx Emily VanCamp plots against her father's enemies in the Hamptons.

--"New Girl" . . . 10.1 million viewers . . . Zooey Deschanel moves in with three guys.

--"A Gifted Man" . . . 9.31 million viewers . . . Patrick Wilson is a neurosurgeon who sees his dead wife.

--"Charlie's Angels" . . . 8.7 million viewers . . . Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor, and Annie Ilonzeh are the angels, and Victor Garber is the voice of Charlie.
--"Whitney" . . . 6.7 million viewers . . . Whitney Cummings' sexy sitcom.

--"Prime Suspect" . . . 5.99 million viewers . . . Maria Bello is a homicide detective.

--"The Playboy Club" . . . 5 million viewers . . . Eddie Cibrian helps Amber Heard cover up the fact that she killed the mob boss who tried to rape her.

Premiere Week Ratings: The New Season of "Two and a Half Men" Beat "Sunday Night Football" by 8 Million Viewers:

Premiere Week ratings are out, and like we'd heard, the ASHTON KUTCHER'S debut on "Two and a Half Men" was ENORMOUS. The episode got nearly 29 million viewers, which is the biggest audience in the show's HISTORY. --"Two and a Half Men" was easily the week's most-watched show, beating "Sunday Night Football" by about eight million viewers. --As for the rest of the Top 5, the season premiere of "NCIS" pulled in 20 million viewers . . . the series premiere of "2 Broke Girls" got a substantial 19.4 million viewers, thanks to its lead-in from "Two and a Half Men" . . . and CHAZ BONO'S premiere on "Dancing with the Stars" was seen by 19 million people. --Meanwhile, SIMON COWELL made the Top 20 by the skin of his teeth. His over-hyped "X Factor" premiered with 12.5 million viewers, to claim the bottom two slots. Here are the Top 20 shows . . .

1.) The 9th season premiere of "Two and a Half Men", CBS, 28.7 million viewers

2.) The "Sunday Night Football" game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Indianapolis Colts, NBC, 20.4 million viewers (--The Steelers won, 23 to 20.)

3.) The 9th season premiere of "NCIS", CBS, 20 million viewers

4.) The series premiere of "2 Broke Girls", CBS, 19.4 million viewers

5.) The 13th season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars", ABC, 19 million viewers

6.) The 3rd season premiere of "NCIS: Los Angeles", CBS, 16.7 million viewers

7.) The "Sunday Night NFL Pre-Kick" pregame show, NBC, 16 million viewers

8.) The 8:30 P.M. episode of "The Big Bang Theory", CBS, 14.9 million viewers

9.) The "Dancing with the Stars" results show, ABC, 14.8 million viewers

10.) The 3rd season premiere of "Modern Family", ABC, 14.54 million viewers

11.) The 9:00 P.M. episode of "Modern Family", ABC, 14.52 million viewers

12.) The 5th season premiere of "The Big Bang Theory", CBS, 14.3 million viewers

13.) The 7th season premiere of "Criminal Minds", CBS, 14.14 million viewers

14.) The series premiere of "Unforgettable", CBS, 14.1 million viewers

15.) The 4th season premiere of "The Mentalist", CBS, 13.6 million viewers

16.) The series premiere of "Person of Interest", CBS, 13.33 million viewers

17.) The 4th season premiere of "Castle", ABC, 13.3 million viewers

18.) The 12th season premiere of "CSI", CBS, 12.7 million viewers

19.) Thursday's "The X Factor", Fox, 12.52 million viewers

20.) Wednesday's series premiere of "The X Factor", Fox, 12.5 million viewers

(--The ratings for all the new shows are here, and you'll find all your returning favorites that didn't make the Top 20 here.)

Rating Results for Some of Your Other Returning Favorites:

Dozens of shows returned to your TV last week, but there were so many new series and season premieres that not all your favorites could earn a place in the ratings. Here's a quick run-down for some of the season premieres that fell short of the Top 20:

--"How I Met Your Mother" . . . The 7th season premiere had 12.2 million viewers.

--"Hawaii Five-0" . . . The 2nd season premiere had 12.2 million viewers.

--"Blue Bloods" . . . The 2nd season premiere had 12.1 million viewers.

--"CSI: New York" . . . The 8th season premiere had 10.6 million viewers.

--"The Good Wife" . . . The 3rd season premiere had 10.5 million viewers.

--"The Amazing Race" . . . The 19th season premiere had 10.5 million viewers.

--"Grey's Anatomy" . . . The two-hour 8th season premiere had an average of 10.3 million viewers, with 10.1 million in the first hour and 10.5 million in the second hour.

--"CSI: Miami" . . . The 10th season premiere had 9.9 million viewers.

--"Desperate Housewives" . . . The 8th season premiere had 9.8 million viewers.

--"Body of Proof" . . . The 2nd season premiere had 9.65 million viewers.

--"The Middle" . . . The 3rd season premiere had 9.6 million viewers.

--"Glee" . . . The 3rd season premiere attracted 8.9 million viewers.

--"Law & Order: SVU" . . . The 13th season premiere had 7.6 million viewers.

--"The Office" . . . The 8th season premiere had 7.6 million viewers.

--"Harry's Law" . . . The 2nd season premiere had 7.3 million viewers.

--"The Simpsons" . . . The 23rd season premiere attracted 7 million viewers.

--"Raising Hope" . . . The 2nd season premiere had 6.9 million viewers.

--"The Biggest Loser" . . . The 12th season premiere had 6.2 million viewers.

(--You'll find the shows that DID make the Top 20 here.)
Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"The X Factor" [Auditions] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"The Middle" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. (--It's trouty mouth time. "Glee's" Chord Overstreet guest stars as Brick's teacher.)

--"H8R" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW. (--Kim Kardashian tries to change the opinion of one of her haters.)

--"Rush: Time Machine" . . . 8:00 to 10:30 P.M. on VH1 Classic. (--A concert from Rush's Time Machine tour, featuring songs from their "Moving Pictures" album.)

--"Suburgatory" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Jeremy Sisto plays a single dad who moves to the suburbs with his 16-year-old daughter.)

--"Harry's Law" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Alfred Molina guests as an accused murderer.)

--"America's Next Top Model" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on the CW. (--Kristin Cavallari offers advice and Mario Lopez tests the models interview skills.)

--"MythBusters" [10th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Discovery.

--"Rocket City Rednecks" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NGC. (--Alabama engineers use redneck ingenuity to solve real-world problems.)

--"Happy Endings" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Carmelo Anthony and Chris Bosh have cameos as themselves.)

--"Real World: San Diego" [26th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on MTV.


The Beastie Boys, Guns N' Roses and Heart Are Among the Nominees For Induction Into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:

Yesterday, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced the artists that are up for induction this year. This is just the list of 15 finalists, which will be on the ballot that's being sent to the voters. Over 500 people vote, and they each select five names. --The final list of inductees will be announced later this year . . . and the official ceremony is set for April 14th in Cleveland, the home of the Rock Hall. --This year's list includes: The Beastie Boys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Donna Summer, Laura Nyro, Donovan and War. All of them were nominated in previous years, but didn't make the cut. --The list of first-time nominees includes: Guns N' Roses, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Heart, Rufus with Chaka Khan, the Cure, the Small Faces / the Faces, the Spinners, blues singer Freddie King, and rap duo Eric B. & Rakim. --Some of those artists have been eligible before, but just never made the ballot. However, this was the first year of eligibility for Guns N' Roses and Eric B. & Rakim. --Other artists that became eligible this year but did NOT get on the ballot include: Soundgarden, the Jayhawks, the Lemonheads, They Might Be Giants, Matthew Sweet, Babyface, Lyle Lovett, Yo La Tengo, and tragically New Kids on the Block and Yanni! (--You can find a full, unofficial list, here.) --Some of the other "snubs" who were eligible before this year include: Bon Jovi, Boston, the Cars, J. Geils Band, Rush, Yes, KISS, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, the Smiths, Sonic Youth, Joy Division, MC5, Depeche Mode, Jethro Tull . . . --Journey, Deep Purple, Motorhead, Blue Oyster Cult, Electric Light Orchestra, Pantera, Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne (solo), the New York Dolls, the Jesus and Mary Chain, Roxy Music, and Hall & Oates!!! (--And many, many more. You can browse the unofficial list of all the eligible artists, along with the years they became eligible, here.) (--To be eligible for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, an act has to have released its first recorded output at least 25 years prior to the year in which it was nominated.) (--That means anyone nominated now, in 2011, has to have released something in 1986 or earlier. But remember, the people from this list who make it into the Rock Hall will be the Class of 2012.) (--For more information on this year's nominees, hit up

Should the Small Faces and Faces Be Grouped Together?

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame decided to lump the SMALL FACES and the FACES together . . . even though some feel that they were two completely different bands. And that includes keyboardist IAN MCLAGAN, who was in both groups. --The Small Faces were a late '60s experimental psychedelic band, featuring singer STEVE MARRIOTT. Steve left in 1969 to form Humble Pie . . . and the remaining members hired singer ROD STEWART and guitarist Ronnie Wood to form Faces. --They were around in the early '70s, and had more of a blues-rock sound. --McLagan had this to say about the nomination: Quote, "It's about bloody time . . . [but putting both groups together] is a bit insulting. If we have to go in as a combo, that's not right. It's a dollar short and many years too late . . . but I'll take it."

If Guns N' Roses Is Inducted, Will the Original Lineup Reunite?

It seems like every year the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction creates an interesting question, as to whether or not the classic lineup of a group will reunite at the ceremony . . . and if they will perform together. -This year, it's GUNS N' ROSES. Obviously, none of this matters unless Guns is inducted . . . but it IS a distinct possibility. --Last year, SLASH said, quote, "I have no idea how that's supposed to go. If Axl [ROSE], Duff [MCKAGAN], Izzy [STRADLIN] and myself start communicating, it could go one way. It we don't, God knows." --Notice that he didn't mention drummer STEVEN ADLER. Others who spent significant time in Guns up through the mid-'90s are: Drummer MATT SORUM, guitarist GILBY CLARKE and keyboardist DIZZY REED. (--Dizzy's still with Axl, but no one else from the classic line-up has been part of Axl's GnR since the late '90s.) --In 2008, Axl had this to say about a possible Rock Hall induction: -Quote, "[I] never thought about that. Not to offend anyone, but personally I don't have an interest [in being inducted] and don't quite get what it is, exactly and who decides what. --"It seems to mean more to some than others and more so amongst fans. It's nice to get recognition and have some form of acceptance but in regards to joining others the price is too high and just not worth it."

Billboard's 21 Hottest Music Stars Under the Age of 21: has put out their annual list of "The 21 Hottest Music Stars Under the Age of 21". They didn't really reveal the criteria they used to rank these kids . . . but they did do write-ups on "what makes them hot."

--Here's the list, along with their ages . . .

1.) Justin Bieber, 17 (--He was #2 last year.)

2.) Tyler, the Creator, 20

3.) Selena Gomez, 19 (--She was #3 last year.)

4.) "American Idol" winner Scotty McCreery, 17

5.) "America's Got Talent" star Jackie Evancho, 11

6.) Rapper Mac Miller, 19

7.) Demi Lovato, 19 (--She was #8 last year.)

8.) Nick Jonas, 19 (--He was #6 last year.)

9.) Female rapper / dancer Rye Rye, 20

10.) Nickelodeon star Victoria Justice, 18

(--If you don't mind awkward slideshows, you can browse through "Billboard's" write-ups on each kid, beginning here.) (--12 kids from last year's list didn't make the cut this year. Six of them are apparently no longer "hot" . . . while the other six are now too old to qualify. That includes last year's #1, TAYLOR SWIFT. She's 21 now.)

MTV Is Already Doing Another "O Music Awards":

MTV is already doing another "O Music Awards" . . . even though the last one happened just five months ago. The "OMAs" celebrate Internet music and culture. The "O" stands for "online." --The ceremony will go down on October 31st. Unlike the first "OMAs", which was a webcast, this one will get some airtime on MTV . . . but the specifics haven't been released yet. --Voting began yesterday at (--You can find a full list of the nominees and vote, here. Note: They want you to sign in to Facebook or Twitter so that you can "share" your votes.)


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

"Saturday Night Live" co-stars FRED ARMISEN and ABBY ELLIOTT have broken up. So apparently, they were dating. (???) (Full Story)

Lesbian actress LEISHA HAILEY says the kissing she did with her girlfriend that got them kicked off a Southwest flight was, quote, "in no way excessive, inappropriate or vulgar." Instead, she says it was, quote, "one modest kiss." (Full Story)

There's a rumor going around that MEL GIBSON is paying OKSANA GRIGORIEVA'S 14-year-old son $100,000 for all the grief Mel put him through. It's not true. (Full Story)

In a new documentary, director ROMAN POLANSKI apologizes to the woman he drugged and raped when she was a 13-year-old girl in the 1970s. He says, quote, "She is a double victim: my victim and a victim of the press." (Full Story)

There's a movie in the works based on the video game "Dead Island". (Full Story)

BOYZ II MEN released a new song called "One Up For Love". Their new album, "Twenty", comes out October 25th. (Audio)

SLY STONE . . . who lives in a VAN . . . says he hasn't touched cocaine or alcohol in about a week and a half, and he's going to rehab. (Video)

STEVEN TYLER says the new AEROSMITH album will hopefully drop in March. (Full Story)

BRET MICHAELS is rolling out a line of PET SUPPLIES called The Bret Michaels Pets Rock Collection. It'll be available exclusively at Pet Smart, beginning next summer. (Full Story)


20% of Us are So Afraid of Bills, We Avoid Opening Them Right Away:

I'm not sure that if you just IGNORE your bills it'll make them go away . . . but apparently a lot of people actually use that strategy. --A new survey found that 20% of adults say they're so afraid of their bills, they actually avoid opening them right away. --The main reason people stress out is that their bills keep going up . . . even though their income hasn't. 25% of people also say they've had to cut back on socializing and eating out to pay bills. (PR Newswire)

Hallmark Has Rolled Out a New Line of "Sorry You Lost Your Job" Cards:

The greeting card industry has figured out ways to make money off of birthdays, forgetting birthdays, graduations, funerals . . . so why WOULDN'T they squeeze some cash out of UNEMPLOYMENT too? --Hallmark just rolled out a brand new line of "Sorry You Lost Your Job" sympathy cards. They're for sale in stores and online for the usual $3.50-or-so per card. --Some of them take a funny tone, like "Don't think of it as losing your job. Think of it as a time-out between stupid bosses." And some are more serious, like "I don't know why bad things happen to good people . . . [but] you will get through this." --And apparently the cards are already selling pretty well. (Business Insider)

Three out of Four College Students Are Part-Time . . . and Almost Never Graduate:

Most people think of college students as young adults living in a dorm for four years. --But according to a new report by the nonprofit group Complete College America, that only describes about one in four college students. --The vast majority of college students commute to school and attend part-time, while also working or raising a family. --If you think that sounds hard to do . . . you're right. --A bachelor's degree is supposed to take four years. Only one in four part-time students get their degree within eight years. --Part-time students in community colleges do even worse. Only 7% of them get a two-year associate degree within four years, and only one in nine finish a one-year certificate program within two years. --Full-time students aren't all that impressive either. Only 60% finish a four-year degree in eight years, and the average full-time student takes 3.3 years to finish a one-year certificate program. (NY Times / Gawker / Complete College America)

One Third of Young People Have Sent or Received Sexts . . . and Half Say They Regularly See Discriminatory Language on Social Networks:

MTV and the Associated Press released a survey of 14-to-24-year-olds on sexting, social networking, and digital abuse. Check it out. --One in three young people say they've either sent or received sexts. And one in ten say they've shared naked photos or videos with someone they only know online. That's down from three in ten who had sexted a stranger in 2009. --Half of young people say that people regularly use discriminatory language on social networking sites. (--AND WE QUOTE!) Some of the most common slurs were "slut," "retard," "that's so gay," and the slur for gays that starts with 'f.' --46% say it's okay to use that language as long as you make it clear you're joking, and more than half are okay with friends using it because they know they don't mean it. --56% say they've been a victim of digital abuse. The most common way is people spreading untrue rumors about them. Writing mean things online, and forwarding a message that was intended to be private also ranked high on the list. --Women and non-whites are more likely to have a problem with digital abuse, and 14-to-17-year-olds thought it was a bigger problem than older teens. --The best way to stop digital abuse is to change your password, followed by changing email addresses or screen names. More than half of young people said deleting their social networking profile was the best solution. (PR Newswire)

Three-Fourths of Burglars are Now Using Facebook and Twitter to Scout for Homes to Rob:

I doubt this will keep you from posting on Facebook or Twitter when you're out doing something. But at least it'll encourage you to make sure your homeowner's or renter's insurance is paid up. --According to a new survey of BURGLARS . . . no, we're not sure how they found all the burglars to survey, but they did . . . 78% say they use social media to scout for homes to rob. --Like, if you say you're out at a concert or you post photos labeled "Costa Rica vacation, day one" . . . they might start targeting you. --The survey also found that 74% like to check out places to rob using the street view on Google Maps . . . that helps them see what they're dealing with in terms of fences and other obstacles, and to make escape plans. --The average burglar spends just over 10 minutes in a home during a break-in. They take an average of $762 worth of stuff . . . but the average insurance claim after a break-in is $1,879. --It takes less than two minutes to break into a property with no security . . . and 80% say that a basic alarm system isn't enough to scare them away from a house. (Time)

A Woman Uses Facebook to Call for Help After a Robber Steals Her Phone:

On Sunday night, 20-year-old Rolanda Hill of East Brainerd, Tennessee was in her apartment when someone knocked on the door. She opened it, and a man with a GUN busted through. --He held her at gunpoint while he stole her money and her cell phone. Then he took off. --Like basically everyone in their 20s, Rolanda didn't have a landline . . . her cell phone was her only phone. So she reached out for help the modern way . . . by hitting up FACEBOOK. --The robber hadn't stolen her computer, so she logged into Facebook, posted a status update telling her friends she'd been robbed, and asked them to report the crime. --They did . . . and the police came to her apartment. --She gave them a description, and they're still looking for the robber. (The Chattanoogan)

The Country With the Best Reputation in the World is . . . Canada?

According to an annual global survey, the country with the best reputation in the world is . . . CANADA. --Obviously the rankings aren't based on having a COOL reputation . . . but on the usual standards like quality of life, safety, attention to the environment, political stability, and the economy. --Canada came in first, with an average rating that was just one-tenth of a point ahead of Sweden. -The rest of the top ten are Australia, Switzerland, New Zealand, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Austria, and the Netherlands. --The U.S. finished 23rd out of the 50 countries included in the survey. The ranking is low because of our involvement in wars, being on the forefront of the global recession, and the fact that our government has become a total mess. --Iraq finished in last place, just below Iran, Pakistan, Nigeria, and Colombia. (PR Newswire) (--You can see the full list of 50 countries here.)

Here's How to Make Rude Hand Gestures Around the World:

If you're going to travel, it's important to know something about the culture you'll be visiting. That's why this is such a great idea: --The British newspaper "The Telegraph" has published a book showing rude hand gestures from around the world. That way, you can tell the locals to kiss off in a way that means something to them.

--Here are some gestures worth knowing:

--Idiota: If you want to call someone stupid in Brazil, hold your fist against your forehead, and make an exaggerated overbite.

--Moutza: In Greece, if you extend your hand toward someone, palm out with your fingers spread, it represents the five different acts you'll perform when you defile the person's sister.

--Five fathers: Pinching the tip of your index finger with all five fingers of the other hand tells people in Saudi Arabia that you think their mother had several sexual partners.

--Corna: The "hook 'em horns" or heavy metal devil horns gesture means "your wife is unfaithful" in Portugal, Spain, and Brazil.

--The Write off: Touching your fingertips together, and making a V with your hands in front of your belly button tells people in Greece you're ignoring them by . . . pointing to your genitals, basically. (Telegraph)

(--You can order a copy of "Rude Hand Gestures of the World" here.)

Best Jesus Sighting Yet? A Woman Spots an Image of Jesus on Her Old-School Nintendo:

It's been a little while since JESUS showed up on a water stain or something out of the toaster. And now we know where he's been hiding. Jesus has been hanging out with SUPER MARIO. --24-year-old Brittany Wampler of Maryland bought an old-school Nintendo on eBay for $31 a few days ago. She was inspecting it after she got it . . . and saw an image of Jesus on the top. --She says it's not residue, like from a sticker. Quote, "It's basically infused into the plastic." And when she sent a photo to the video game blog Kotaku, they checked it out and said it wasn't Photoshopped. Jesus really is on her Nintendo. --As for whether this is REALLY a sign, Brittany says, quote, "I was raised religious, but I haven't made up my mind really. I would say I believe in the possibility." --There's no word on what she plans to do with her Jesus Nintendo. (Kotaku) (--Here's the only photo Kotaku released. And on the spectrum of Jesus appearances, this one is pretty good.)

A 10-Year-Old Saw His Mother Getting Hit By Her Boyfriend . . . So He Grabbed a Shovel and Whacked the Boyfriend In the Face:

Someone buy this kid an Xbox, because he's FANTASTIC. --He's a 10-year-old in Holiday, Florida. On Sunday, he walked in on his 37-year-old mother and her boyfriend fighting. The mom and the son's name weren't released, but the boyfriend is 46-year-old Dennis Sullivan. --When the boy walked in, he saw Sullivan HITTING his mom. He watched the guy PUNCH her and HEADBUTT her, and apparently decided he wasn't going to let that happen to his mom. --So he ran across the street to his grandfather's place . . . grabbed a SHOVEL . . . and ran back. -He walked back into the house . . . Sullivan CHARGED at HIM . . . and the boy took one huge swing with the shovel and SMACKED the guy in the face as hard as he could. Then he took off running. --Sullivan was arrested and charged with domestic battery and assault. He fought the cops who tried to arrest him, so he was also charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and making threats against a public servant. --The boy won't be charged for hitting him with the shovel because it was in self defense. (St. Petersburg Times)


Quote of the Day: A Woman Punched Her Boyfriend for Withholding Sex, and Said "All I Want is a Piece of [A**], Is That Too Much to Ask For?"

If 28-year-old Melissa Minarsich of Iowa City, Iowa loses her boyfriend over this incident . . . I GUARANTEE she won't stay single for long. Because she's a true, once-in-a-lifetime CATCH. --Melissa was home with her boyfriend on Monday night, and she wanted to have sex. Like an idiot, he turned her down. So . . . she started THROWING PUNCHES at him. --A few of the punches landed, but he wasn't hurt. The cops still ended up coming . . . and that's when Melissa cemented her legacy. --She explained to the cops why she was upset and turned violent. Quote, "ALL I WANT IS A PIECE OF [A**], IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?" --She was arrested for misdemeanor domestic assault. It's the second time she's been arrested for that . . . although the police didn't say if the first time was also because of a guy not being willing to satisfy her burning loins. --Melissa and her boyfriend have an eight-month-old together. (The Smoking Gun)


Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Stupid Extra Photo of the Day . . . 'Uniboob': A Woman in California says bad plastic surgery left her with a 'uniboob'. It looks like both of her cans are sorta fused together, without the cleavage in between. (--See for yourself, here.)

A Pennsylvania couple in their 20s was busted for stealing copper from 18 utility poles . . . to help pay for their wedding. (Full Story)

A CDC report found a 72% increase in the amount of diarrheal disease from recreational water facilities at fountains and water parks. Aren't you glad summer's over? (Full Story)

This sounds fake but it isn't. A woman was injured on Monday at a Federal Government office in D.C. called the General Services Administration . . . by an exploding toilet. They released a statement that said, quote, "Do NOT flush toilets or use any domestic water . . . Due to a mechanical failure, there is high air pressure in the domestic water system that resulted in damage to toilets. There has been damage to flushed toilets that has resulted in injuries." (Full Story)

People are smuggling drugs over the border in Arizona along a three-mile-long, $11.6 million fence . . . by pushing packages through the four-inch holes. (Full Story)

Red wine still has its health benefits, but according to a new study, it doesn't lower your blood pressure after all. (Full Story)


#1.) Someone Re-Cut Scenes from "The Office" to Make It Look Like a Thriller About a Guy Who Might Murder His Co-Workers:

On "The Office", Toby Flenderson is the mild-mannered HR rep Michael Scott always hated for no good reason. But someone re-cut a bunch of Toby scenes to make it l look like he's a killer who's about to murder the rest of the cast. (--Search for "The Office Toby Snaps.")

#2.) A Baseball Fan in Japan Dropped His Daughter to Catch a Foul Ball:

Back in May, a guy tried to catch a foul ball at a baseball game, and dropped his kid in the process. But apparently Americans aren't the only ones willing to sacrifice their offspring for souvenirs. --Because some guy did the exact same thing at a baseball game in Japan the other day. But this one was even worse: He dropped his daughter, and she fell on a row of empty seats in front of him. And his wife didn't look too happy about it. (--Search for "Japanese Baseball Fan Drops Daughter." They show a close-up replay at :17.)

#3.) Here's Chef Jamie Oliver Cooking Pasta . . . Edited So it Sounds Sexual:

Someone took a single episode of JAMIE OLIVER'S cooking show, and re-cut it so he sounds like he's talking about SEX. He's just cooking pasta, but some of the comments about meatballs and cream sauce sound REALLY dirty. (--Search for "Jamie Oliver Talks Dirty." WARNING: This video includes the word "boner" and a lot of sexual innuendo.)
Three Examples of Conventional Wisdom You Don't Have to Follow Anymore:

According to a new article from Fox Business, a lot of the "sound advice" you got from your parents isn't what it's cracked up to be. Here are three examples of conventional wisdom you shouldn't follow anymore.

#1.) Change Your Oil Every 3,000 Miles. You might already know this one, and it USED to be good advice. But now car engines are better than they used to be, and so is the quality of the oil. --So a lot of experts say it's really somewhere between 5,000 and 10,000 miles for newer models. But mechanics keep telling people 3,000 so they can make more money.

#2.) A Higher Thread Count Equals Better Sheets. When you buy sheets, it usually says the thread count on the front. And high thread count sheets are always more expensive. But it turns out low thread count sheets come with a few benefits. --First, they're lighter, so they don't take as long to dry after you wash them. And your dryer is one of the most expensive appliances in your home. --But the main advantage is, low thread count sheets are better for your skin. A high thread count might FEEL better, but they don't breathe as much. Sheets should help keep you warm, but also let air circulate to keep your skin healthy.

#3.) Running Your Ceiling Fan in Reverse During the Winter Will Help Keep the Room Warm. If you have high ceilings, it doesn't do much because it can't push the heat down far enough for you to feel it. --And if you have low ceilings, the air current offsets any of the heating benefits. So in other words, if you run your ceiling fans in reverse this winter, you're just wasting electricity. (Fox Business)


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