HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (10-08-09)

GUY RITCHIE SAYS MADONNA IS "RETARDED" . . . BUT HE STILL LOVES HER:

In the new issue of "Esquire" magazine, GUY RITCHIE lets us know how he feels about his ex-wife, MADONNA. He says, quote, "I still love her. But she's retarded, too."

He adds that he's still hurting from the divorce . . . quote, "You can't tell someone when they're getting divorced that their pain is an illusion. I'm (effing) telling you, I feel it, I've been through that."

He gives Madonna some props, too, though. He says, quote, "She's a manifester, if there ever was one. First-rate manifester. Madonna makes things happen. --"Put Madonna up against any twenty-three-year-old, she'll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad." (--Guy might have just pulled that number out of thin air, but it's also possible he was taking a subtle jab at Lady Gaga . . . who coincidentally is 23.)

One thing Madonna CAN'T "manifest", however, are any of her songs on Guy's iPod. He says his ex-wife is NOT part of his playlist.


KATY PERRY and RUSSELL BRAND have decided to take their relationship public . . . by attending a fashion event in Paris together. (--Here's a picture . . .)

When ELVIS PRESLEY joined the Army in 1958, he got his head shaved. Someone was smart enough to keep a clump of his hair, though . . . and now it's going on the auction block. It's expected to fetch about $12,000. (--Here's a pic . . .)

CHEVY CHASE COULD BE IN NEW VERSIONS OF "VACATION" AND "FLETCH":

CHEVY CHASE is finally picking up some career momentum again, thanks to his role on the HI-larious new NBC sitcom, "Community". And suddenly, there's a chance that new life will be breathed into two of his old franchises.

First, there's a new "Vacation" movie in the works. This one will actually focus on Rusty, the son of Chevy's character, Clark Griswold. --Rusty is a grown man now, and a father himself. And he's taking his own family on the road for a vacation. Obviously, DISASTER will ensue.

It's not definite that Chevy will be in this movie . . . but the producers are hoping to get him and BEVERLY D'ANGELO . . . who played Clark's wife, Ellen . . . to make appearances. --The original "Vacation" came out in 1983. It was followed by three sequels: the substandard "European Vacation" . . . the holiday CLASSIC "Christmas Vacation" . . . and the awful "Vegas Vacation".

(--I think it would ROCK if they got ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL . . . who played Rusty in the original "Vacation" . . . to star in the new one. It would also be nice if they brought RANDY QUAID back as Cousin Eddie.) (--He could probably use a pick-me-up right about now.) --

Chevy might also do another "Fletch" movie . . . although this one is a little less certain. --Chevy played the title character . . . a wise-cracking, womanizing journalist . . . in the original and the sequel, "Fletch Lives" . . . back in the '80s.

And now he says, quote, "'Fletch' was one of my favorites. I would love to do another 'Fletch', and that's actually a possibility." (--In recent years, there's been talk of rebooting the "Fletch" franchise with a younger actor in the title role. John Cusack, Zach Braff, Jason Lee and Ryan Reynolds have all been considered for the part at one time or another.)

JON GOSSELIN SAYS HIS SPLIT WITH KATE DIDN'T UPSET THE KIDS:

Everyone is bashing JON and KATE GOSSELIN for arguing in front of their kids . . . and the entire country, for that matter . . . but Jon says that the children weren't all that upset by their impending divorce.

Last night, he told "Entertainment Tonight", quote, "When we told them we were going to get divorced, [one of] the five-year old[s] said, 'What's for lunch?'

"The only two people who really cared were [nine-year-old twins] Mady and Cara. Cara broke down and Mady said, 'Oh, I saw this coming.'" --Speaking of the twins, they just turned nine years old TODAY . . . and since nothing in the Gosselin family happens without major drama, Jon is claiming that Kate is trying to squeeze him out their birthday festivities. --He says, quote, "She's trying to prevent me from seeing my kids on Mady and Cara's birthday. That's like giving her full custody by obeying her. She can't tell me what to do. I'm not going to allow it. I'm just going to stay.

"I own the house so I can do what I want. --"She's [doing this] because SHE doesn't want to see me. She doesn't want to hear my apology. She doesn't want to work things out."

MICHAEL VICK WILL HAVE A REALITY SHOW ON BET:

No matter what anyone said, it seemed inevitable that MICHAEL VICK would end up on some sort of reality show within a year of his release from prison. --And now, it sounds like he has one. -The "Los Angeles Times" reports that Vick and BET are working on an eight-part "docu-series" . . . or a reality show without saying "reality show" . . . tentatively called "The Michael Vick Project". It'll premiere sometime early next year.

It'll follow him as he rebuilds his life, his family, his image and his career. And it won't shy away from his, quote, "tumultuous past" . . . which includes a difficult childhood and his notorious 2007 arrest on felony dog-fighting charges.

Vick says, quote, "I just want people to really get to know me as an individual. What I want to do is change the perception of me. I am a human being. I've made some mistakes in the past, and I wish it had never happened. --"But it's not about how you fall, but about how you pick yourself up. This show can be a blueprint for so many kids. I want to show that if they have a fall from grace, this is how they can turn it around. We want this to be a story of hope."

ASHLEY IS ALL GROWN UP

"High School Musical" star ASHLEY TISDALE has released the video for her latest single, "Crank It Up", and it's not really "kid-friendly." It's nothing shocking . . . but it isn't Disney either. (--You can watch it, here . . .)