HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (03-01-11)

SHEEN-ANIGANS

The Latest From Charlie Sheen. Wow. Just . . . Wow:

CHARLIE SHEEN was on both ABC's "Good Morning America" and NBC's "Today" show. I'm assuming he did both as a way of saying SCREW YOU to his own network, CBS. (--Much of the ABC interview will actually air on "20/20" tonight.) --Anyway, the insanity came fast and furious. It's hard to believe Charlie doesn't sit up all night writing this stuff. Because if he's just coming up with it on the spot, maybe he really IS the genius he claims to be. --It's not easy to separate this into a logical order, but we'll do our best. --We already heard Charlie's now-famous quote from ABC about being on a drug called Charlie Sheen. Well, he described that drug a little further. --He said, quote, "It's not available, because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body." --He also talked about why his insane lifestyle hasn't killed him yet . . . quote, "Because I'm me. I'm different. I just have a different constitution. I have a different brain. I have a different heart." --He added, quote, "Dying's for fools. There's certain blends I will not entertain, because that's how people go down. I'm too smart to do that. --"I'm sorry for the guys that happened to, but you know, you should have read the directions before showing up at the party, you know?" --Is Charlie going to relapse? No. Why? He says, quote, "I blinked and I cured my brain . . . 'Can't' is the cancer of 'happen' . . . The Nike slogan doesn't say 'Just Try It.' Just do it, man." --Being clean is quite a turnaround for Charlie, considering how much he had been partying. He says, quote, "The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them just look like droopy-eyed, armless children." --He also says he's not ashamed of the partying . . . quote, "I'm proud of what I created, it was radical . . . I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they're never going to otherwise see in their boring, normal lives. I gave that to them. --"I may forget about them tomorrow, but they'll live with that memory for the rest of their lives, and that's a gift, man." --Here's another Sheen classic. The interviewer asks Charlie if he's bipolar. He replies, quote, "Bipolar? I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there, now what?" --Charlie denied that he got violent with either porno minx CAPRI ANDERSON in that New York City hotel room, or with his wife, BROOKE MUELLER in Aspen. --He suggested that THEY were the cause of the trouble, but he refused to discuss why because, quote, "I don't roll people." --He also said he definitely plans to sue over the cancellation of the rest of "Two and a Half Men's" season. He said, quote, "I don't have a job. I've got a whole family to support. And love." --Asked what he's going to sue for, he said, quote, "Tons." --And Charlie denied any anti-Semitism when he called "Two and a Half Men" creator CHUCK LORRE by his Hebrew name, Chaim Levine. And he offered a pretty half-hearted apology. --He said, quote, "I'm sorry if I offended you, I didn't know you were so sensitive. I thought after you were wailing on me for eight years, I could take a few shots back, didn't know you were gonna take your little ball and go home." (--You'll find clips from the "GMA" interview here and here.) --On "Today", Charlie said he'll return to "Two and a Half Men", but only for $3 MILLION AN EPISODE. (--Charlie currently makes about $2 million, when you factor in syndication and other perks.) --He said, quote, "Everybody thinks I should be, like, begging for my job back. And I'm just gonna forewarn them that it's gonna be everybody else who's gonna be begging me for their job back . . . --". . . At this point because of psychological distress . . . Oh my God . . . it's 3-mill an episode, take it or leave it." --He added that he's currently UNDERPAID . . . adding, quote, "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total frickin' rock star from Mars. --"And people can't figure me out, they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain." --Charlie also revealed that he has, quote, "Tiger blood and Adonis DNA." (--Later, on "Piers Morgan Tonight", Charlie said he was JOKING about being underpaid. As far as demanding a raise, he said he didn't necessarily mean it, and everything is, quote, "negotiable.") --He also predicted VICTORY in his battle with Warner Brothers . . . quote, "Come Wednesday morning, they're gonna rename it Charlie Brothers, not Warner Brothers. Duh. Winning." --And he said he expects an apology from CBS . . . quote, "They owe me a big one. Publicly, while licking my feet." --He also took another crack at AA and its supposed 5% success rate. Then he referred to his home as the "Sober Valley Lodge", saying it has a 100% success rate . . . quote, "Its primary client achieved radical success." (--Here's some video from "Today".)


Charlie Sheen Also Hit TMZ On His Media Blitz Yesterday:

TMZ was one of the many stops CHARLIE SHEEN made during his media blitz yesterday. And he spoke with them about his children . . . and how he doesn't have to apologize to them or anyone else about how they're being raised --He said, quote, "Lead by example and teach your kids right and wrong. If my right and wrong is a little bit different than anybody else, then my kids will be different too." --Asked if he's worried that the kids will someday ask him about his many escapades, he said, quote, "I hope they do." He added that they'll probably say, quote, "Dad, fill in the blanks. This (crap's) gnarly." --The interview took place in Charlie's backyard. At one point, Charlie was asked where his twin boys . . . who'll be 2 next month . . . were living. He pointed to the house and said, quote, "They're in there somewhere." --Asked who's raising them, he said, quote, "Everybody here is parenting the kids. They're running into walls, but they're screaming 'Da-Da' when they do it." --That's because their mother, BROOKE MUELLER isn't around. She's not living with Charlie since their falling out in the Bahamas last week. --Charlie also responded to his dad, MARTIN SHEEN, who recently compared Charlie's addiction problems to CANCER. He said, quote, "I respectfully allow him to maintain those beliefs and those opinions. I don't support them. --"As I said, I think they're the gibberish of fools. He doesn't live inside my brain. I'm the only one who does . . . No disrespect, but I'm 45 years old. At some point, respect and embrace that. I have five kids."
-But later, in an interview with RadarOnline.com . . . yes, he hit them up, too . . . Charlie was a little tougher on his dad.
-He said, quote, "Jeez, Dad . . . shut it! Okay, Pop walk through a cancer ward right now and find any of those mother(effers) who look like me. Sounds poetic but it's rooted in bollocks." (--Charlie's TMZ interview is in two parts. The first one is over 30 minutes long. The second is just over 11 minutes.) --Speaking of that Radar Online interview, Charlie used that one to insult CHUCK LORRE'S other two shows, "Mike & Molly" and "Big Bang Theory". --He said, quote, "Maybe if he wasn't focusing on three shows, two that suck, and one that is like everybody's favorite . . . --"He's off focusing on turds one and two, and it's like wait a minute man, we're the reason those shows exist or have an audience, we launched them." (--Here's that interview.)


Could John Stamos Really Replace Charlie Sheen on "Two and a Half Men"?

It started off as a crazy rumor on Friday. But now there's actual talk that CBS President Les Moonves spoke to JOHN STAMOS on Saturday about replacing CHARLIE SHEEN on "Two and a Half Men". --He wouldn't play the same character . . . but there's no word who his character would be or how he'd fit into the story. And we should note that this STILL isn't official. --Last night on PIERS MORGAN'S CNN show, Charlie responded to that rumor. He said, quote, "If you guys do that, you deserve everything that happens later."


Charlie Sheen's Publicist Has Quit:

How completely unsurprising is this? CHARLIE SHEEN'S publicist Stan Rosenfeld quit on him yesterday. --He issued a statement saying, quote, "I have worked with Charlie Sheen for a long time and I care about him very much. However, at this time, I'm unable to work effectively as his publicist and have respectfully resigned." --In an interview later in the day with TMZ, Charlie called Rosenfeld the P-word . . . (--The one that rhymes with WUSSY) . . . and said, quote, "He's not allowed to quit, so you're fired."


The "Two and a Half Men" Crew Will Be Paid for Four Episodes:

Warner Brothers has announced that they'll pay the "Two and a Half Men" crew for FOUR of the eight episodes that were canceled this season. And Charlie is taking credit for it. --He says, quote, "Clearly my efforts are paying off." But he added that he won't stop until they're paid for all eight. Then he's going to fight for the cast to be paid . . . then he's coming for HIS cheddar.


Is It Charlie Sheen or The Ultimate Warrior?

Some website came up with the BRILLIANT idea of mixing CHARLIE SHEEN quotes with crazy-ass stuff said by pro rasslin' legend THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR. And YOU have to guess who said what. (--Take the quiz here.)


Have Fun Mixing and Matching Charlie Sheen Quotes with These Two Soundboards:

Now, the insanity of CHARLIE SHEEN can be yours at the click of a mouse, courtesy of two online soundboards. (--Check 'em out here and here.)


Check Out Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez . . . Kissing:

JUSTIN BIEBER and SELENA GOMEZ hit up the "Vanity Fair" Oscar after-party Sunday night. Justin even rocked a tux . . . in addition to his somewhat shorter hair. Selena wore a red dress. --And in case there was ANY DOUBT that they're together, a video has surfaced featuring Justin kissing Selena on the lips. (--Here's the link. The kiss is at the 25-second mark, and is repeated ad nauseam to torture teen girls everywhere.) --Today is Justin's 17th birthday, by the way. And he'd like a gift from you. He wants you to donate to a group called Charity: Water . . . which helps provide clean drinking water for people in developing nations. (--Here's where you can donate.)





Emma Roberts and Chace Crawford Are Probably Doing It:

It looks like EMMA ROBERTS and "Gossip Girl" stud CHACE CRAWFORD are doing it. They were joined together at the hip during an Oscar viewing party on Sunday. --Witnesses say they were holding hands and taking smoke breaks together. Emma is 20 . . . Chace is 25.

Old-School Actress Jane Russell Has Died:

Old-school actress JANE RUSSELL passed away yesterday. She was 89. She had been suffering from "a respiratory-related illness." -Jane first became infamous for her role in the 1940 western "The Outlaw". The poster for the movie featured Jane, who was 19 at the time, posing in a blouse that was falling off her one shoulder . . . and showed some cleavage. --That was VERY racy at the time, and caused the movie's release to be delayed nearly a DECADE. (--Check out the poster here.) --She starred in over 20 movies. Most of them were westerns released between the years 1948 and 1957. They included: "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes", "The Paleface" and "The Son of Paleface". --The last two co-starred BOB HOPE.


Peter Weller Has a Message for the People of Detroit Concerning the Robocop Statue:

PETER WELLER . . . a.k.a. the ORIGINAL Robocop . . . did a video for FunnyOrDie.com supporting the movement to build a Robocop statue in Detroit. (--Check it out here.) (--On a related note, there's also a movement to build a statue of "Mama" . . . the character VICKI LAWRENCE played on "The Carol Burnett Show" and "Mama's Family" . . . in Kansas City.) (--"Mama's Family" was set in the Kansas City suburb of Raytown. You can read more about this one here.)


A "Dumb & Dumber" Sequel Might Actually Happen:

Nobody liked the "Dumb & Dumber" prequel, "Dumb & Dumberer". But that isn't stopping the people who made the original from trying to reunite JIM CARREY and JEFF DANIELS for a SEQUEL. --The FARRELLY BROTHERS . . . who were NOT involved in the prequel . . . are considering a followup. Bobby Farrelly says, quote, "The ball is in motion. We're starting to think about what those two dimwits would be doing twenty-years later in life, and hopefully we'll be able to come up with something worthy of a sequel." (--The Farrelly Brothers' latest comedy, "Hall Pass", had kind of a soft opening this past weekend. Then there's that "Three Stooges" movie they keep FAILING to make. So who knows if the sequel will even get off the ground.)


The Cast of the Next Season of "Dancing with the Stars":

ABC officially announced the cast of the next season of "Dancing with the Stars" during last night's episode of "The Bachelor". --Tea Party minx and non-witch CHRISTINE O'DONNELL is NOT on the list, so apparently she turned her offer down. And 70-year-old FAYE DUNAWAY isn't on the list either, which means that rumor was bunk. --For the purpose of holding people accountable . . . in an age when it seems like no one ever is . . . that Faye Dunaway rumor was started by RumorFix.com, which doesn't seem to do a good job of fixing rumors.) --There's also no BRETT FAVRE and no PORTIA DE ROSSI, same-sex couple or not. Remember when that was the hot rumor? (--What a waste of time.)

--Anyway, here's your cast for the 12th season of "Dancing with the Stars":

--Ralph Macchio . . . the original "Karate Kid"

--"Fat Actress" (star) Kirstie Alley

--Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson

--Boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard

--Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward

--Six-time WWE world champion Chris Jericho

--Master P's 21-year-old son Romeo, who's now the CEO of P's No Limit label (--Master P was on Season Two. He lasted four weeks.)

--Talk show host Wendy Williams

--Tsunami tsurviving tsupermodel Petra Nemcova . . . (--It's true! Petra was in Thailand during that tsunami in 2004. It was a tstruggle, but she's tstill here! And by the way, All T's should be tsilent!) (???)

--Disney Channel actress Chelsea Kane . . . a.k.a. Chelsea Staub. She has had roles in "Jonas", the animated series "Fish Hooks", and was in the Disney Channel movies "Minutemen" and "Starstruck". She also starred in the movie "Bratz".

--L.A. radio DJ "Psycho" Mike Catherwood

--The 11th season of "Dancing with the Stars" premieres on March 21st.


Being on the Ukrainian Version of "The Bachelor" Was the Hardest Thing Maksim Chmerkovskiy Has Ever Done:

"Dancing with the Stars" pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy recently starred on the Ukrainian version of "The Bachelor" . . . and he didn't find it all that fun. --Maksim tells "People" magazine, quote, "[It was] the hardest thing that I've ever done. If I knew then what I know now, I would never have signed up. --"I would do 'Dancing with the Stars' for the rest of my life before I do something like this ever again." (--Dang, dude . . . talk about a rough Sophie's Choice!) --So what was so bad? Was it an insane shooting schedule? Did he have to battle with the producers? Was he asked to perform amazing feats of strength? No . . . he just felt that it was degrading to women. (???) --He explains, quote, "The fact that I had to choose people was something else. People should never be lined up and chosen. We're not objects, and we're not supposed to be lined up like that. It's terrible and it's like I was back in high school." --Of course, that's exactly what the American "Bachelor" . . . and countless other similar shows . . . have been doing over and over again, throughout the past decade. --But Maksim says, quote, "I had never seen ['The Bachelor'] . . . I still knew what it was about. In theory you think you can do it, but when you're in it you cannot realize how difficult it is." (--The season hasn't finished airing yet . . . so Maksim couldn't say if he came away with a woman at the end. Although, I think that point is coming through anyway . . . does he sound like a man who's just found his love?)


Cee Lo Green and Adam Levine *Have* Joined "The Voice":

It's official: CEE LO GREEN and MAROON 5 singer ADAM LEVINE will serve as judges (slash) mentors on the NBC singing competition show, "The Voice". --It's basically like "American Idol" . . . except that during the auditions, the judges choose which singers they will coach throughout the season. There's another catch . . . --The judges will have their backs turned to the contestants during the auditions, so they'll choose their talent based on their voice ONLY . . . not their appearance. --Two more judge-coaches will be named later, and supposedly CHRISTINA AGUILERA might be one of them. CARSON DALY will host. (--"The Voice" premieres April 26th.)


Zach Galifianakis and Elton John Are Coming to "SNL":

"Hangover" superstar Zach Galifianakis will host "Saturday Night Live" next Saturday, March 12th. Bisexual British singer JESSIE J is the musical guest. (--Jessie J is a songwriter who wrote MILEY CYRUS' "Party in the U.S.A." She just released her debut album last week. You can hear her single "Price Tag", which features B.O.B, here.) --MILEY CYRUS will host this Saturday, with THE STROKES as the musical guest. --"SNL" also announced that ELTON JOHN will host AND serve as the musical guest on the April 2nd episode. He'll perform with LEON RUSSELL. Their joint album, "The Union", came out last October. Elton last performed on "SNL" in 1982.

Piers Morgan Has Respect for Larry King, But They Aren't Best Friends:

PIERS MORGAN has commented on the friction between him and LARRY KING. --Piers told the "Hollywood Reporter", quote, "We're not like bosom pals, but I think there's a healthy mutual respect. I certainly have it for him. I think he enjoyed himself [on 'Piers Morgan Tonight']. --"We kind of laid out a few little demons to rest. I think people like to cause some problems between us but he's my hero. I don't mind what he says."


Tuesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"No Ordinary Family" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. (--"Battlestar Galactica" minx Tricia Helfer and "Xena" superstar Lucy Lawless guest as super villains.)

--"American Idol" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Fox. (--The top 12 male contestants perform and viewer voting begins.)

--"NCIS" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Sarah Jane Morris joins the team as a new agent. She used to be Tommy's hot blonde wife Julia on "Brothers & Sisters".)

--"Don't Forget the Lyrics" . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on MyNetworkTV. (--Kid 'N Play play for charity.)

--"20/20" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--"Charlie Sheen: In His Own Words".)

--"The Good Wife" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Ken Leung . . . who played Miles on "Lost". . . guest stars as a Chinese dissident suing a social networking site for getting him arrested after they revealed his identity.)

--"Parenthood" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Jason Ritter returns as Amber's teacher, and gets another shot at a relationship with Lauren Graham.)


NEW ON VIDEO TODAY

--"127 Hours" - James Franco plays hiker Aron Ralston, the guy who cut off his own arm after spending five days pinned under a boulder. It's directed by Danny Boyle, the guy who did "Slumdog Millionaire".

--"Love & Other Drugs" - A romantic comedy starring Jake Gyllenhaal as a Viagra salesman who works his charm to nail an endless line of women until finally falling for Anne Hathaway.

--"Burlesque" - Christina Aguilera plays a small town girl who takes a job as a cocktail waitress at Cher's burlesque theater and eventually becomes the star of the show after blowing Cher away with her singing.

--Kristen Bell and "Dancing with the Stars" minx Julianne Hough are also in it. Watch clips from the film, including Cher singing "Welcome to Burlesque", and Christina performing "I Am a Good Girl", "Express", and "Something's Got a Hold On Me", at this YouTube link.

--"Faster" - The Rock plays an ex-con out for revenge against the gang that murdered his brother 10 years ago. As he executes everyone involved in his brother's death, he also has to run from a young hitman trying to prove he's faster than the Rock.

--Billy Bob Thornton and "Spy Kids" mom Carla Gugino are cops trying to bring them down. And "Lost" fans will recognize Maggie Grace as the hitman's girlfriend and Mr. Eko (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) as a repentant evangelist on his hitlist.

--"The Bleeding" - A vampire flick starring a bald buff dude named Michael Matthias. The priest who recruits him is played by Michael Madsen, who played the psychotic Mr. Blonde in "Reservoir Dogs". The rest of the cast includes DMX as a guy rescued from the vampires, and tattooed Kat Von D as one of the evil vamps.

--"Leave It to Beaver: Season 6" . . . a six-disc set of the show's final season.
NEW MUSIC OUT TODAY

--"Rose Tattoo", '80s pop superstar Tiffany (--She describes the album as, quote, "very country blues . . . it's Bonnie Raitt with a Stevie Ray Vaughan vibe." For more information, hit up Tiffany's website, here.)

--"Going Out in Style", Dropkick Murphys (--Bruce Springsteen appears on a song called "Peg o' My Heart".)

--"John Popper & The Duskray Troubadours", Blues Traveler singer John Popper

--"The Singles Volume Ten: 1975-1979", James Brown

--"Blessed", Lucinda Williams

--"In Concert on Broadway", Harry Connick Jr.


Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" Video Is Out . . . Way Out:

LADY GAGA's "Born This Way" video crashed onto the Internet yesterday, and it's another epic one . . . like her "Telephone" and "Alejandro" videos. --It clocks in at seven minutes and 20 seconds, and includes a two-and-a-half-minute opening sequence, which seems like something out of an '80s sci-fi movie. --In an interview with the BBC, Lady Gaga described the video as, quote, "the story about the birth of a new race. A race that bears no prejudice, and a race that's primary sort of ambition in life is to inspire unity and togetherness." (--You can watch the video, here. By now, you must know that, as a Lady Gaga video, there are going to be cool parts, weird parts, ridiculous parts, and there's going to be a lot of sexuality that your brain is totally unsure how to process.)


Willow Smith Has Released Her Second Single:

10-year-old WILLOW SMITH has released her second single "21st Century Girl" . . . and for better or worse, it's about as catchy as her first one, "Whip My Hair". --"21st Century Girl" just hit iTunes today, but it's streaming at WillowSmith.com. Willow will also perform the song on today's "Oprah".


Nelly Furtado Will Donate the $1 Million She Got from Libyan Dictator Muammar Gaddafi:

A recent WikiLeaks report said MARIAH CAREY, BEYONCÉ and USHER have all accepted $1 million offers to perform private concerts for the family of Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi within the past few years. --The latest reports claim 50 CENT also did a Gaddafi gig. (--It's unclear whether Beyoncé and Usher pulled down $1 million each, or if they split it. There's also no word on what 50 was paid . . . although $1 million seems to be the going rate.) --Now, there are reports that they're being pressured to give that money back, considering what is happening in Libya . . . and, well, because the Gaddafis are generally thieving psychotic terrorists. --Well, NELLY FURTADO . . . who admits she headlined Gaddafi-palooza in 2007 . . . is cool with that. --On Twitter, Nelly announced, quote, "I received $1 million from the [Gaddafi] clan to perform a 45-minute show for guests at a hotel in Italy. I am going to donate the $." --None of the other artists have commented.


Poison Will Tour with Motley Crue This Summer:

POISON will tour with MOTLEY CRUE and the NEW YORK DOLLS this summer. Dates haven't been announced yet, but they will be soon. Tickets are scheduled to go on sale March 18th. --It's unclear how many shows there will be. It sounds like BRET MICHAELS will perform solo shows in between Poison / Crue dates. For now, we do know that both bands will be at Rocklahoma on May 29th. --In an interview on "Piers Morgan Tonight" that will air tomorrow night, Bret said, quote, "It'll be the tour of the summer." (--Here's a video of Bret's announcement.) (--Remember when Bret said Poison would be touring with Crue back in November? Crue drummer TOMMY LEE responded to that on Twitter by saying, "NO!" . . . and Crue said that Bret was just, quote, "trying to will it" into happening. I guess he did.)



Def Leppard Is Touring with Heart This Summer:

The rumor was true: Def Leppard will be headlining a tour with Heart this summer. There had been talk that KANSAS might be on the bill too . . . but it doesn't sound like that's happening. --The tour begins June 15th in West Palm Beach, Florida. (--You can find all the dates at DefLeppard.com/tour.)


TUESDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

"Hot in Cleveland" has been renewed for a third season. (Full Story)


"The 83rd Annual Academy Awards" averaged 37.6 million viewers Sunday night, which was down 9% from last year when 41.3 million people tuned in. (Full Story)


SLAYER singer TOM ARAYA was hospitalized in Australia over the weekend. We don't know what's wrong with him yet, but the band had to cancel their headlining gig at the Soundwave festival. (Full Story)


MATTHEW MORRISON from "Glee" debuted his first single, "Summer Rain", on RYAN SEACREST'S radio show yesterday. It'll be released next week. (--You can listen to it, here. ***NOTE***: It includes audio tags for Ryan's show.)


NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF

America's Final Surviving World War One Veteran Has Died At Age 110:

A month ago, we heard about Frank Woodruff Buckles. He was America's only living World War One veteran . . . and on February 1st, he turned ONE HUNDRED AND TEN. --Well . . . we're sad to report that he died on Sunday night, at his farm in West Virginia. --Buckles joined the Army in 1917, when he was 16 years old. He lied about his age to get in. He fought in World War One . . . and during World War Two he was captured by the Japanese and held as a POW for three years. --On his 110th birthday, Buckles said he was still in pretty good health . . . but at 110, things can go south pretty quickly, and that seems to be what happened. His family didn't release his cause of death. --Approximately 65 million men fought in World War One. Now, only two are left. They both fought in the British Army . . . one just turned 110, and one turns 110 on Thursday. --The OBAMAS issued a statement yesterday saying that they're joining the Buckles family, quote, "in celebrating a remarkable life that reminds us of the true meaning of patriotism." (Reuters)


Take This Online Quiz To See If You're Built To Make Big Money:

Want to know if your genetics are setting you up to be RICH? There's a new quiz by AOL that can help you figure it out. --We hear studies all the time about different factors that are linked to making money . . . height, hair color, marital status, smoking, and more. This quiz unifies all of those to predict whether you're built to earn. (--Check it out here.)


A Happy Childhood Is a Good Sign . . . That You'll End Up Divorced As an Adult:

Bad news here for people who had really nice, loving, wonderful childhoods. Little did you know your lives are gonna turn out just as screwed up as the rest of ours. --According to a new study by Cambridge University, people who had happy childhoods are actually more likely to end up DIVORCED as adults. --The main reason: If you have a good childhood, odds are you'll have higher self-esteem. So if your marriage isn't giving you everything you want, you're more confident in leaving it. --The other reason: People with happier childhoods are more likely to be content in their work, their hobbies, and their social lives. They don't feel like they NEED their marriage to give their life meaning, so they're quicker to get rid of it. (Daily Mail)
Athens, Greece Is the Most Flirtatious City In the World:

A dating and social networking website called Badoo just put together a list of the world's most FLIRTATIOUS cities . . . based on the average number of flirtatious conversations that were started by the people using the site in those cities. --And America is not particularly flirtatious. Not even close. (--At least, we're not flirtatious on Badoo. For what that's worth.) --They didn't release the full results, but they did say that the highest-ranking U.S. city is New York City . . . which finished 89th. --Athens, Greece was the most flirtatious city in the world. The average person in Athens initiated 25.7 flirtatious conversations per month. In New York, it was 16.1 --Moscow, Russia was the second-most flirtatious city. --Other major cities that finished ahead of New York include Rome, Italy at eighth . . . Madrid, Spain at 31st . . . Paris, France at 38th . . . London, England at 57th . . . and Berlin, Germany at 79th. --New York did beat out Rio de Janeiro, Brazil . . . Warsaw, Poland . . . and Prague, Czech Republic. (Reuters)


We Could Fix Global Warming With . . . A Quick Nuclear War?

This seems just a LITTLE short-sighted to me. According to researchers at NASA, in theory, we could completely fix global warming with . . . NUCLEAR WAR. Not a big one. Just a SMALL nuclear war. --They say that a small nuclear war would lead to so many atmospheric changes that it would reduce the planet's temperature by an average of 2.25 degrees. --Of course, they also say it would lead to widespread famine because it would ruin the world's crops, and also probably lead to widespread disease because of all the waste released . . . but hey, no more talk about global warming. (Gawker)


San Francisco's $100 Million Worth of Environmentally-Friendly Plumbing Has Left the City Reeking of Feces:

Over the past five years, San Francisco has spent $100 MILLION upgrading its sewers and sewage treatment plants and pushing for low-flow toilets, in an effort to waste less water and make the whole poopin' process more green. --And while it's good for the environment, it hasn't been such a smooth transition. --Turns out that having less water involved in the whole poop-flushing process has led to portions of the city swimming in a strong FECAL aroma. --The city's Public Utilities Commission has to get the city to stop smelling so fecal, so now, they've started a new plan . . . they're going to pour $14 MILLION worth of bleach into the sewage system to disinfect the water. --And if you think that pouring 8.5 million pounds of bleach into the water every year doesn't seem very environmentally-friendly . . . a lot of the people of San Francisco agree with you. --Environmentalists are asking the city to consider an option besides bleach, like hydrogen peroxide . . . which would make the water safer as it gets dumped back into the San Francisco Bay. (San Francisco Chronicle)


A Senator in Arizona Got Away With Domestic Violence . . . Because a Law Prevents Arizona Legislators From Being Arrested:

Someone needs to tell Arizona it's not the Wild West anymore . . . because this law doesn't even seem like it was a good idea in the 1800s. --Apparently, in Arizona, they still have a law on the books that says their legislators CAN'T BE ARRESTED while the legislature is in session, unless they commit TREASON or a major felony. --Scott Bundgaard is a Republican state senator from Arizona. Over the weekend, he was dancing in a "Dancing with the Stars" charity event in Phoenix. On the way home, his girlfriend accused him of getting a little too hands-on with his partner. --They argued in the car and it turned physical. There were marks and bruises on both of them. The police came, and arrested the girlfriend, Aubry Ballard, on suspicion of misdemeanor assault. But Bundgaard was free to go. --Since he's a state senator and the legislature is in session, he couldn't be arrested. --The couple broke things off the next day. --As for the Arizona law . . . there's no word on whether they're going to re-examine their constitutional policy against legislators being arrested. --Bundgaard issued a statement saying he doesn't want to hide behind the privilege and, quote, "I waive any and all immunity. If I did something wrong, charge me." (CNN)


MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Woman Wants To Prove She's Not Buying Crack, So She Asks Police To Search Her Car, Where They Find . . . Crack:

Here's more proof that CRACK DON'T SMOKE ITSELF. --On Sunday, around 1:30 A.M., 47-year-old Mila Birkestrand of Fort Walton Beach, Florida was pulled over for speeding. --One of the cops who pulled her over told her she was in an area that's known for drug deals. So without any prompting, she told them to search her car, so she could PROVE she wasn't there for the drugs. --They took her up on the offer and searched her car. And naturally, they found CRACK in the car. --There was a crack rock on the driver's side floorboard, so she was arrested. --She tried to talk her way out of it by explaining she hadn't BOUGHT that crack . . . a man gave it to her in exchange for a ride. That excuse somehow didn't work. (Northwest Florida Daily News)
In Los Angeles, a Drunk Driver Crashes Into . . . A Sober Living Home:

This guy needs to be arrested for drunk driving . . . and most importantly, DRUNKEN IRONY. On Saturday, in south Los Angeles, a drunk driver lost control of his Ford Explorer and crashed into a building. That building was . . . a sober living home. --The driver and his passenger were trapped in the car and crews had to free them. They were taken to the hospital along with four sober people from inside the building. Fortunately, no one was killed. --The police haven't released the driver's name or all of the charges he'll be facing. (CW 5 - Los Angeles)



A Bank Robber Is Identified By the Very Loud, Distinct Shirt He Wore During the Robbery:

I think if I ever tried to rob a bank, I'd try to be as INCONSPICUOUS as possible in every way. Not only so I don't get caught . . . but mainly, so I don't end up on the radio, having to make fun of myself like this. --49-year-old Lee Aiello of St. Cloud, Florida, robbed a bank last week wearing an incredibly LOUD, distinct T-shirt. It's an Ocean Pacific shirt . . . remember that brand? Remember the '80s? And the shirt was covered in bold, can't-miss black-and-white graphics. --He was busted two days later when a sheriff's deputy pulled him over . . . saw the T-shirt in the back . . . and knew it was the same guy. Lee was arrested for bank robbery. (Miami Herald) (--Here's his mugshot and T-shirt.)


A Pizzeria Owner In Pennsylvania Is Arrested For Planting Mice In Two of His Competitors' Restaurants:

I'm thinking that, in retrospect, this pizzeria owner wishes he'd just done a sweet deal on Groupon to try to increase his business. --47-year-old Nickolas Galiatsatos owns Nina's Bella Pizzeria in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. His pizzeria is within a few blocks of two others, Verona's Pizza and Uncle Nick's Pizza. --Nickolas wanted to corner the local pizza market, so he came up with a horrible . . . just horrible . . . plan. He decided to DUMP BAGS OF MICE inside his competitors' restaurants. --Nickolas bought nine mice at a local pet store. Then he put three of them in the bathroom ceiling at Verona's . . . and six of them in a trash can at Uncle Nick's. --Two police officers were actually AT Verona's when Nickolas walked in with a bag . . . walked into the restroom . . . then walked out a few minutes later. When they got a report about the mice, they quickly put everything together. --Nickolas was arrested. He's looking at charges of criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, cruelty to animals, and harassment. (Philadelphia Inquirer)


RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

The worst American city to find a job is . . . New Orleans. Miami and Buffalo are near the bottom of the list too, while the best cities for jobs are San Francisco, San Jose, and Seattle. (Full Story)


Who does the U.S. owe their foreign debt to? China has 20.4%, Japan has 20.2%, and the UK is third, followed by a bunch of oil-producing countries. (Full Story)


Iran is threatening to boycott the 2012 Olympics in London . . . because the ugly official logo for the games resembles the word "Zion," the biblical term for Jerusalem. (Full Story)


What are you supposed to do with the truckloads of crappy arts and crafts . . . sorry, artwork . . . that your kids bring home from school? Parents and experts disagree. (Full Story)


According to new documents from Ted Kennedy's old FBI file, he once rented out an entire brothel in Chile for the night, to entertain ambassadors. (Full Story)


A phony "holistic" doctor was arrested for abusing the female cancer patients he was supposed to be "treating" . . . by covering their genitals in probiotic yogurt while they were sedated. (Full Story)
NAZZY’S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) A Packed Escalator on the D.C. Subway Suddenly Sped Up and Caused Chaos:

Several people were hurt last November when one of the escalators going down to a Washington D.C. metro station malfunctioned, and suddenly sped up. Now the security footage has finally been released. --The escalator was packed when it happened, and it started going so fast that there wasn't enough time for people at the bottom to get out of the way. So people got piled on top of each other, and chaos ensued. --Officials say something went wrong with the escalator's braking system. Really? (--Search for "D.C. Escalator Malfunction Video")


#2.) A Bank Robber Smashed Through Bulletproof Glass With a Hatchet:

It's sort of refreshing to hear about a criminal who's really dumb AND really patient: A guy in China tried to rob a bank, using a HATCHET to get past the teller's bulletproof glass. And it actually WORKED. The problem was that it took him over three minutes. --He made a hole that was barely big enough to crawl through, grabbed as much cash as he could, struggled to climb back through the glass, got one leg through the hole . . . and the cops showed up. --But they couldn't get to him, because THEY couldn't get through the glass either. And after a small struggle . . . plus a warning shot from one of the cops . . . the guy managed to slip out a back door. No word on whether they caught him or not. -But he put his mask on AFTER walking into the bank, so they should be able to ID him. You can see raw footage of the entire thing on YouTube. (--Search for "China Bank Robber With Axe." He walks in at :21, starts pounding at :38, and climbs through at 4:07. The cops arrive at 5:09.)


Three New Diet Tips From Dr. Oz:

On a recent episode of "Dr. Oz", he listed three ways to lose weight that most people don't know about. Here they are:

#1.) Eat Pickles. The high level of acid kills your craving for sugar. So you should try keeping a jar of pickles in the refrigerator at work. Then snack on them between meals, or have a pickle with lunch instead of chips. --But be careful if your doctor has you on a low-sodium diet, because pickles are loaded with salt.

#2.) Drink Banaba Leaf Tea. According to Dr. Oz, most people don't know about it yet, but it's starting to get popular because drinking it lowers your blood sugar. High blood sugar can lead to weight gain and diabetes.

#3.) Mix Your Drinks With Seltzer Instead of Club Soda or Tonic Water. One 12-ounce bottle of tonic water has around 120 calories, which is almost as much as a 12-ounce can of Pepsi. And most types of club soda contain salt. --But seltzer has zero calories because it's just carbonated water. Granted, your drink probably won't taste as good, but it'll still be fizzy, and more importantly, you'll still get drunk. (Cosmopolitan.com)