Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Hugh Hefner isn't Getting Married After All . . . Because His Fiancée Has Called Off Their Wedding:

HUGH HEFNER has been DUMPED. He was supposed to marry 25-year-old CRYSTAL HARRIS on Saturday . . . but yesterday, she called off the wedding. --Hugh . . . who's 85 . . . Tweeted, quote, "The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart." --TMZ is reporting that Crystal decided to move out and cancel the wedding after she and Hugh had a nasty argument over the weekend. There's no word what it was about. --Hugh and Crystal had been dating since January of 2009, and got engaged this past Christmas. (--Talk about timing: Crystal recently filmed a video for You can watch it here.)\ (--It's a fake ad for the "Age Gap Cheat Sheet" iPhone app . . . which helps people who are dating someone way older than them understand references to events that occurred before they were born.) --Later in the day, Crystal posted the following message on her website . . . quote, "After much deep reflection and thought I have decided to end my engagement with Hef. I have the utmost respect for Hef and wish him the best going forward. --"I hope the media will give each of us the privacy we deserve during this time." --Then Hugh hit Twitter again, saying, quote, "The breakup is a heartbreaker, but better now than after the marriage. --"Since we're not getting married on Saturday, I've scheduled a movie: 'Runaway Bride'. Seems appropriate." --But then Hugh posted another Tweet hyping Crystal's music career. He said, quote, "Crystal's 'Club Queen' became available on iTunes today. I hope it's a hit."

The "Girls Next Door" Offered Hugh Hefner Their Support Via Twitter:

Three hot chicks HUGH HEFNER used to nail offered their support via Twitter yesterday. I am speaking, of course, about Hugh's "Girls Next Door" cast mates Kendra Wilkinson, Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt. --Bridget said, quote, "Just stopped by the mansion 2 give @hughhefner a hug. He seems to be handling this well. He even had a sense of humor about it! #LoveUHef" --Then Kendra Tweeted, quote, "@hughhefner we r comin over w some jack n coke... oh n a pipe lol" --And Holly added, quote, "U r too sweet. Wish I was there to support, too!" --Then Hef replied, quote, "The breakup is a heart breaker, but better now than after the marriage . . . Bridget Marquardt came by to give me her loving support. Very dear."

Did Jennifer Aniston Break Up Her New Boyfriend's 14-Year Relationship?

JENNIFER ANISTON'S current boyfriend is an actor (slash) screenwriter by the name of JUSTIN THEROUX. There have been rumblings in the tabloids that Jen STOLE Justin from another woman. And now, the story is starting to come out. --If what we're hearing is true, it becomes kind of hard to sympathize with Jen for having BRAD PITT snatched away by a predatory ANGELINA JOLIE. --The word is that Justin had been dating a woman named Heidi Bivens for 14 YEARS. They even lived together . . . until last weekend, when Heidi moved out. --A source says, quote, "Heidi is heartbroken. She was completely blindsided. She and Justin had been together for years, they had a home. Then he met Jennifer and everything changed. At first he claimed he and Jen were friends." --Jennifer and Justin met on the set of a movie called "Wanderlust" earlier this year. They were first spotted having dinner together last month . . . and another source says, quote, "Things are moving fast. They are practically living together."

Natalie Portman Has Given Birth:

NATALIE PORTMAN gave birth to a baby boy yesterday. There's no word yet on the kid's name. --The boy's father is Benjamin Millepied . . . a choreographer from the movie "Black Swan". Natalie announced her pregnancy and their engagement in December. --When accepting her Golden Globe for the film, Natalie "introduced" him by saying, quote, "Benjamin choreographed the film and you also might remember him in the movie as the guy who, when they asked, 'Would you sleep with that girl?' he's like, 'Pssh, no.' --"He's the best actor! It's not true, he totally wants to sleep with me!" --Natalie is 30 years old.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's Mistress and Baby-Mama Says She and Maria Shriver Cried Together When Maria Found Out Arnold Fathered Her Son:

When MARIA SHRIVER found out that ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER had fathered her maid's 13-year-old son, she didn't freak out and start throwing things. She didn't fire her, either. In fact, she CRIED WITH HER. --MILDRED "PATTY" BAENA has finally broken her silence with an interview in the British edition of "Hello!" magazine. --Mildred says she didn't know who the boy's father was when he was born. But it soon became obvious . . . quote, "As Joseph grew and I started to see the resemblance I wondered . . . but it became more apparent as time went on." --But she says she NEVER discussed it with Arnold . . . and even if he knew, he, quote, "never said anything to me." --It was actually Maria who blew the lid off everything. And she was surprisingly understanding about it. --Mildred says, quote, "Last summer, I brought Joseph over to the house. Until then, he hadn't been around very much. After that, people in the house started whispering about how much they looked like each other." --Maria was among those who noticed the resemblance. At first, she tried to coax the truth out gently. --Mildred says, quote, "Maria would ask if I needed to talk to her, and I kept saying no. Finally, she asked point blank. Maria asked me directly if Joseph was Arnold's son, and I just broke down. --"I dropped to my knees and I was crying, saying that yes he was and I was so sorry. --"She cried with me and told me to get off my knees. Since I was retiring soon, I said I would pack and leave right away, but she said to stay until after the holidays." --Mildred still hopes his former employers can patch things up . . . quote, "He's a good man and I know he's suffering too. He loves Maria. I hope with time they work things out."

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Are Registered for $172,000 Worth of Wedding Gifts:

Does it bother you when rich people open up gift registries and ask for really expensive stuff? If so, you might want to sit down for this: --KIM KARDASHIAN and KRIS HUMPHRIES have set up a wedding gift registry at a ritzy joint called Gearys of Beverly Hills. And they're asking for about $172,000 worth of stuff. (--You can see the registry for yourself here. Kim's rep says it's legit. BUT . . . the registry says the wedding is happening on Halloween. Sources say that's probably a bogus date.)

--Among other things, Kim and Kris want . . .

--An extra-large Baccarat crystal vase, $7,850

--A black Lalique tourbillon vase, $6,500

--A black Lalique desk clock, $1,115

--18 Hermes Balcon du Guadalquivir black cereal bowls, at $155 EACH

--18 Hermes Balcon du Guadalquivir platinum presentation plates, at $670 EACH

--24 Hermes American dinner plates, at $225 EACH

--Six Buccellati butter servers, at $520 EACH

--Five sets of four L'Objet gold napkin rings with crystal, at $150 EACH

--A Christopfle 1925 coffee pot, $1,650 (--It's another $1,710 for the matching creamer and sugar bowl, but go ahead and splurge. I'm sure Kim's only going to get married once in her life, right?)

--A Baccarat Harmonie pitcher, $925

Justin Timberlake Admits He's a Pothead:

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE smokes weed. And he doesn't care who knows it. --In a new "Playboy" interview, Justin was asked if he partakes. He said, quote, "Absolutely. The only thing pot does for me is it gets me to stop thinking. Sometimes I have a brain that needs to be turned off. Some people are just better high." --Justin also admits that there were ladies during the N' SYNC days . . . but not as many as you might think. --He says, quote, "I hate to disappoint you, but I was the youngest one in the group, so the other guys were getting more of that [girl] action, and they were protective of me. --"But yeah, the girl stuff definitely was a heavy part of it, and it would play with your mind. I remember looking down once . . . we were playing Madison Square Garden for an HBO special . . . and this girl put her arm out. --"She had a mural of me tattooed along her whole arm. I just remember looking at it and thinking, 'Holy [crap], that's never going to come off.'"

Montel Williams Is Now a Consultant with a Medical Marijuana Dispensary:

MONTEL WILLIAMS has been partaking of the giggle weed to deal with the symptoms of multiple sclerosis for many years. Now, he's going to try life on the other side of the dispensary counter. --Montel has become a consultant at a Sacramento pot shop called the Albatin Wellness Cooperative. --His goal is to revolutionize the medical marijuana industry . . . so that dispensaries like Albatin are more like pharmacies and less like grungy head shops. --He says, quote, "We want to provide safe access [to marijuana] for patients and really medicalize this. Patients should be put first." --Montel plans to be involved at every level . . . quote, "from the philosophical direction down to the blueprints." --And he adds, quote, "I want this to be someplace your mother and father could see themselves walk into."

Sean Bean from "Lord of the Rings" and "Game of Thrones" Got Stabbed in the Arm with a Broken Bottle Outside a London Pub:

British actor SEAN BEAN . . . whom you'd know as Boromir in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy and Ned Stark on the HBO series "Game of Thrones" . . . was stabbed in the arm outside a London pub Sunday night. --Don't worry . . . it wasn't too serious. --Bean was knockin' 'em back at a place called the Hill Bar and Brassiere, in the company of a 22-year-old nude model by the name of APRIL SUMMERS. --The two of them went outside to smoke, at which time some jerk walking by made lewd comments to Summers. Bean went after the guy, but he took off. --But when Bean went out for another cigarette later, the guy was waiting for him. He punched Bean in the face and stabbed him in the arm with a broken bottle. --Still, Bean was apparently able to chase the guy off yet again . . . and then he basically shrugged off his injuries. --A staffer says, quote, "He came in with a cut on his arm and a bruise on his eyebrow. We saw to his injuries with the first aid kit. He seemed okay and wanted to have another drink." (--That's BADASS! Sean Bean is 52 years old!) (--By the way: Sean Bean has a new movie on DVD that you haven't seen yet. It's called "Black Death" . . . and you need to. Trust me on this one.)

J-Lo Is Still "On the Fence" About Returning to "American Idol":

STEVEN TYLER and RANDY JACKSON have deals in place to return to "American Idol" next season . . . but JENNIFER LOPEZ doesn't. Last fall, she signed a one-year contract . . . reportedly worth $12 million. --The show wants her back, so the ball is in J-Lo's court . . . but she hasn't made up her mind yet. --J-Lo told the BBC, quote, "I don't know. I haven't been forced to make a decision and I'm glad about that because honestly I'm very on the fence about it. --"I had an amazing time doing it and I loved it . . . but I have a lot of other things happening, and it's going to come down to me making a choice of what I want to do for the next year . . . I'm just really enjoying the time of just waiting and seeing." --Right now, J-Lo and her husband Marc Anthony are working on their Latin American talent show, "Q'Viva! The Chosen". It premieres next month.

Mark Ballas Would Be Cool with Same-Sex Couples on "Dancing with the Stars" . . . but ABC Would Not:

There's been talk for a few years that "Dancing with the Stars" could feature a gay celebrity dancing with a SAME-SEX partner . . . but nothing has ever come of it. --Well, MARK BALLAS would be down with it. He tells, quote, "I would be totally cool with it. There are other competitions where they have same sex couples. I'd support it." --But he does add, quote, "There is a slight inherent disadvantage. Two girls and two men just can't move like a man and a woman. But you can try." --Even though the show DOES have a gay professional dancer . . . LOUIS VAN AMSTEL . . . Mark says that if the producers asked him to dance with another dude, like RICKY MARTIN, he'd be OK with that. Or as he puts it: Quote, "I'd be down!" --But it still remains to be seen whether it would ever actually happen. A so-called "source" tells, quote, "ABC execs wouldn't consider it. They're not hot on the idea of casting same-sex couples."

The "NBA Finals" Took the Top Four Spots in the Ratings . . . Followed by "America's Got Talent" and "The Voice":

Nearly 24 million people tuned in on Sunday to see the Dallas Mavericks finish the Miami Heat in Game 6 of the "NBA Finals" and clinch the championship. --Basketball held the top four spots, followed by both nights of "America's Got Talent", and last week's live quarterfinals performance for "The Voice".

Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"NHL Stanley Cup Finals" [Game 7] . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on NBC. (--The Vancouver Canucks host the Boston Bruins.)

--"So You Think You Can Dance" [Performance] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"America's Got Talent" [Auditions] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.

--"Extreme Couponing" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on TLC.

--"Hot in Cleveland" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land.

--"Tyler Perry's House of Payne" [7th Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TBS.

--"Deception with Keith Barry" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Discovery Channel.

--"The Real World: The S&@! They Should've Shown" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on MTV. (--Never-before-seen clips and outtakes from the 25th season in Vegas.)

--"Top Chef Masters" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo.

--"Toddlers & Tiaras" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TLC.

--"Happily Divorced" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on TV Land. (--Fran Drescher and John Michael Higgins star as a happily married husband and wife of 18 years . . . until the husband comes out to his wife.)

--"Rocco's Dinner Party" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on Bravo. (--Chef Rocco DiSpirito hosts as his chefs prepare a Prohibition-era themed meal.)

The Best Movie-Opening Songs: has put out lists of The 25 Best Movie-Opening Songs and The 25 Best Movie-Closing Songs. The guidelines were: Musicals didn't count . . . and they had to actually be SONGS, not theme music. --Also, there could only be one entry per director on each list . . . so good music selectors like MARTIN Scorsese and QUENTIN TARANTINO wouldn't completely dominate the lists.

--Here are the Top 10 Best Movie-Opening Songs:

1.) "Fight the Power", Public Enemy . . . from "Do the Right Thing"

2.) "Stayin' Alive", The Bee Gees . . . from "Saturday Night Fever"

3.) "Lust for Life", Iggy Pop . . . from "Trainspotting"

4.) "Little Green Bag", George Baker Selection . . . from "Reservoir Dogs"

5.) "The Rainbow Connection", Kermit the Frog . . . from "The Muppet Movie"

6.) "The End", The Doors . . . from "Apocalypse Now"

7.) "Hello Vietnam", Johnny Wright . . . from "Full Metal Jacket"

8.) "I'm All Right", Kenny Loggins . . . from "Caddyshack"

9.) "I Heard It Through the Grapevine", Marvin Gaye . . . from "The Big Chill"

10.) "Goldfinger", Shirley Bassey . . . from "Goldfinger"

The Best Movie-Closing Songs:

And here's the Top 10 from's 25 Best Movie-Closing Songs list:

1.) "Where Is My Mind?", The Pixies . . . from "Fight Club"

2.) "We'll Meet Again", Vera Lynn . . . from "Dr. Strangelove"

3.) "My Way", Sid Vicious . . . from "Goodfellas"

4.) "Happy Together", The Turtles . . . from "Happy Together"

5.) "Little Person", Jon Brion . . . from "Synecdoche, New York"

6.) "Somebody to Love", Jefferson Airplane . . . from "A Serious Man"

7.) "Jazz Thing", Gangstarr . . . from "Mo' Better Blues"

8.) "Don't You (Forget About Me)", Simple Minds . . . from "The Breakfast Club"

9.) "Queen Bitch", David Bowie . . . from "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou"

10.) "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometimes", Beck . . . from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (--You can find the complete Top 25 lists . . . along with video clips of each . . . at these links: Best Movie-Opening Songs and Best Movie-Closing Songs.)

A New Kanye West Track Has Hit the Internet:

A new KANYE WEST track called "Mama's Boyfriend" has hit the Internet. It's unclear how and when the track will be officially released. It's about the guys who dated Kanye's mother, the late DONDA WEST, as she was raising him. --This song has been floating around the Internet in various forms over the years, but this one seems to be close to a finished product. (--Check it out, here. WARNING: There's UNCENSORED profanity, including a TON of N-words.)


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Seven gangbangers with ties to SHAQUILLE O'NEAL are facing charges of beating down a guy three years ago after he claimed he had video of Shaq having sex outside his marriage. Shaq has not been named as a suspect. (Full Story)

After the Dallas Mavericks won the NBA Championship Sunday night, Mavs owner MARK CUBAN spent about $110,000 partying at a Miami nightclub with the team. Most of that money was spent on a $90,000 bottle of champagne and a $20,000 tip. (Full Story)

FERGIE says she's often mistaken for being pregnant because she CAN'T RESIST FOOD. She says, quote, "My problem is my discipline. I see a Jack in the Box or a DelTaco, and I will impulsively want it. I'm a work in progress in that area. I gain and lose weight everywhere from the thighs up." (Full Story)

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN has finally released a statement on CLARENCE CLEMENS' stroke. (Full Story)

NICOLAS CAGE has apparently settled his issues with his son WESTON'S mother, CHRISTINA FULTON. (Full Story)

After SELENA GOMEZ'S hospitalization for malnourishment and exhaustion, her mom has cut back her schedule. (Full Story)

SANDRA BULLOCK thinks the church she's staying in while filming a movie in London is HAUNTED. (Full Story)

CHEECH MARIN has signed on to star in an upcoming CBS sitcom with ROB SCHNEIDER. On the show, Rob's character marries into a large Mexican-American family. Cheech will play his father-in-law. There's no word when it might premiere. (Full Story)

TOM JONES broke into a quick, a cappella version of "It's Not Unusual" for a paparazzi photographer recently. (Video)

CHRISTINA AGUILERA will appear on a MAROON 5 single called "Moves Like Jagger", which hits iTunes next week. They'll also perform the song on "The Voice" next Tuesday. Of course, Christina and Maroon 5 singer ADAM LEVINE are both "coaches" on the show. (Full Story)

Last season's "Bachelorette" ALI FEDOTOWSKI was seen walking with crutches. Turns out, she fractured her femur kickboxing. (Full Story, with crutches picture)

BETTY WHITE sat in for KELLY RIPA on "Live! With Regis and Kelly" yesterday morning. She was funny, naturally. (Highlight Video)

MICHELLE OBAMA taped her "iCarly" guest spot on Monday, and some backstage footage of Michelle on the set has found its way online. (Video) The episode won't air until January.

Trojan's Nationwide Sex Survey Finds the Average American Gets-It-On 2.3 Times Per Week . . . And Wishes That Number Was Higher:

It looks like since no one can really afford to go out anymore . . . we've all focused our efforts on HUMPING. --Trojan condoms just released the results of a huge nationwide survey about our sexual habits. And their big finding: The average person has relations a very solid 2.3 times every week . . . but we STILL WANT MORE. --63% of people say that they wish they were having relations MORE frequently. --And the reason we want more is because we're having pretty good sex . . . 76% of people report high levels of sexual satisfaction. --Here's more about what your fellow Americans are doing in bed . . . --Married couples report higher sexual satisfaction than single people, 82% to 71%. --But single people have more relations than married people. Singles average 130 times per year, or 2.5 times per week. Married people average 109 times per year, or about 2.1 times per week. --The most common "exciting" place that people have had relations is in a CAR, at 48%. Having sex in someone else's bed came in second, at 33%. --Men say that the place they'd most like to have sex is in a plane, at 33%. For women, the most common answer was on a beach, at 26%. --Men rank their favorite two positions as missionary first (???) and "canine" style second. Women also rank missionary first, and they rank reverse missionary second. --19% of people have sexted and 19% have had cybersex. --18% have had ACTUAL sex with someone they met over the Internet. --10% have posted something sexual on Facebook or Twitter. --Of the biggest U.S. cities, people in Los Angeles and Houston have the most sex. People in L.A. average 2.6 times per week, and in Houston it's 2.4 times per week. --Philadelphia and Dallas have the least. In Dallas, people have relations two times per week, and in Philadelphia it's 1.9 times per week. (PR Newswire)

Statistics Show That an Unusually High Number of Car Crashes Involve Two Women Drivers:

We're NOT saying that this is definitive proof that women are worse drivers than men. We'd never say that. In fact, shame on you for even thinking that. --BUT . . . stats are stats. --Two researchers at the University of Michigan analyzed data from car crashes between 1988 and 2007 and they looked at the genders involved in the accidents. --Once they took out factors like time of day, weather, and the fact that men drive more miles on average than women, they found one unusual result of their data: There are an unusually high number of car crashes that involve two women. --In fact, statistically, that's the MOST likely combo for an accident. --The researchers didn't go as far as saying this means men are better drivers than women, but their report reads, quote, "There are three factors [that contribute to an accident.] --"Being at the wrong place at the wrong time, one's own driving skills, and the driving skills of the other driver." (R&D Magazine)

Four Out of Five Dads Think Mother's Day Gets More Attention Than Father's Day:

MOTHER'S DAY ENVY is a very real thing. --In a new survey by Procter & Gamble, 80% of dads surveyed said they feel like Mother's Day gets MORE ATTENTION than Father's Day. And, they say it's unfair. --60% of the dads say they share childcare duties equally with their wives . . . 43% spend as much time scrubbing toilets and mopping floors . . . and 33% say they spend equal time doing laundry and cooking. --Meanwhile, 78% say they handle all of the auto maintenance . . . 63% handle all of the household maintenance . . . and 69% handle all of the yardwork. --89% of the dads surveyed say they're GOOD FATHERS and 59% say they're doing a better job than THEIR father did. (PR Newswire)

The 10 Most Common iPhone Passcodes Show That People are Really, Really Uncreative:

Man, I hope people are more careful when they pick their ATM codes than this. --An iPhone security app company just released the results of a study to find the top 10 most common four-digit passcodes people use to lock their iPhones. And they are . . . shockingly obvious. --The most common by far is . . . 1234. That's followed by 0000. --Third place is 2580 which might SOUND complicated, but is really just the four numbers in the middle column of the keypad. --The rest of the top 10 are: 1111 . . . 5555 . . . 5683, which would spell "LOVE" on a phone . . . 0852, which is the middle column again . . . 2222 . . . 1212 . . . and 1998. --More than 15% of iPhone owners use one of those 10 passcodes . . . meaning that if someone steals an iPhone, there's a one-in-seven chance they can get into the phone just by trying those. (
82% of Tweets to Companies About Customer Service are Negative:

Twitter has given us a brand new way to communicate with every major company and brand in the country. Wait, let me rephrase. Twitter has given us a brand new way to PUBLICLY COMPLAIN to every major company and brand in the country. --According to a new analysis, when someone tweets about customer service to a company or brand . . . it's a complaint 82% of the time. And those tweets reach up to 780,000 people before the company responds. (Scribbal)

People Aren't Racist, You're Just Tired:

Next time you think The Man is holding you down just because of your race, the solution is . . . go to sleep. --According to a new study, one of the biggest factors connected to whether people perceive racism around them is . . . how sleep deprived they are. And this goes for all races, including white people. --People in the study were 61% more likely to think other people were being racist toward them when they were tired. --That's not to say the racism wasn't real . . . but people were more likely to be bothered by it, notice it, or interpret innocent statements as racist when they were sleep deprived. (Science 2.0)

Providence, Rhode Island is Now Modeling Their Process For Hiring Teachers After Speed Dating?

HERE'S just how effed up the education system is in this country. In Providence, Rhode Island, school officials are now modeling their hiring process after SPEED DATING. --Back in March, Providence sent pink slips to ALL 2,000 of their teachers, telling them they were laid off because of an insane budget crunch. --Many were hired back, but about 400 actually were fired. And now that the dust has settled, there are about 300 available jobs. --So Providence officials have decided the best way to fill those slots is through a speed dating-style hiring process. --Last week, officials sat in the middle school gym. People hunting for teaching jobs could go in, sit down with different officials for 15 minutes, try to prove they were good for the job . . . and then, they'd move on to the next person. --Apparently, people waited in line for hours to have these speed dating hiring interviews. (Providence Journal)


A Woman's Pet Sheep Saves Her Life By Detecting Her Cancer:

I love stories like this, where PETS are better at detecting cancer than HUMANS. Especially when the story involves sheep. --41-year-old Emma Turner of Wroughton, Wiltshire, England had no idea that she was in the early stages of breast cancer. All she knew was that her five-year-old pet sheep, Alfie, had started HEADBUTTING her in the chest all the time. --She'd just be standing there, and Alfie would run into the same spot on her chest headfirst. Over and over and over. --In a few days, Emma developed a bruise there. And when she examined it, she found a lump in the middle of the bruise. So she went to the doctor to have it checked out. --Turned out Alfie had somehow sniffed out the cancer and was headbutting Emma to warn her. And because he did, they detected it early enough to completely beat it. --Emma's doctor says that if Alfie hadn't rammed her over and over, she could've gone YEARS without noticing the lump . . . and it could have become terminal. (Daily Mail)

Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Ben & Jerry's might create a "Schweddy Balls" flavor in honor of Alec Baldwin's SNL sketch. It's just a rumor right now, but Ben & Jerry's hasn't denied it. (Full Story)

Two brothers in Sheboygan, Wisconsin . . . a 32-year-old and a 27-year-old . . . got into a violent brawl over a bottle of shampoo, and were arrested for disorderly conduct. And yes . . . they both still live with their mother. (Full Story)

Why don't gay men get fat? Because unlike straight men, they can't settle down and let themselves go: Since they're men, they're more visually stimulated. And since they're gay, they can't get married. So even committed gay couples don't let themselves get chubby when they enter a relationship. So I've heard. (Full Story)

A guy in Illinois was busted for smoking pot at a McDonald's drive thru, when the cop behind him smelled weed and saw him blowing smoke out the window. (Full Story)

Because of the economy, most people plan on waiting longer to do their back to school shopping, compared to last year. Only 14% will start shopping in June, down from 26% last year. And 49% will wait until August, compared to 38% last year. (Full Story)

49% of Americans under the age of 35 are not saving for retirement. That's up from 26% last year. (Full Story)

A woman in Texas rear-ended a police cruiser while drunk, texting, and holding a drink. (Full Story)

This info is from a couple old studies, but it's interesting: Attractive men are more likely to get divorced. Men with high testosterone . . . which is often linked to attractiveness . . . are 43% more likely to get divorced, 31% more likely to split up because of marital problems, and 38% more likely to cheat than men with normal testosterone levels. (Full Story)


#1.) A Reporter Told the Dalai Lama a Joke About the Dalai Lama . . . And It Bombed:

A co-host on the "Today" show in Australia named Karl Stefanovich got to interview the DALAI LAMA, and for some reason he decided to share his favorite Dalai Lama joke. --It's just one line, and it goes like this: The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says, "Can you make me one with everything?" --Get it? To become enlightened, you must become ONE with EVERYTHING. Anyway, it takes a second to get, even if English is your FIRST language. And the Dalai Lama didn't get it AT ALL. --He just sat there and looked confused, then eventually laughed at how embarrassed the reporter was. (--Search YouTube for "The Dalai Lama Walks Into a Pizza Shop.")

#2.) Is Freestyle Canoeing the Lamest Sport Anyone's Ever Come Up With?

If you missed "The Colbert Report" on Monday night, he did a segment on freestyle canoe dancing. And you've gotta see what he's talking about, because it's a real thing. --Basically, participants kneel sideways in a canoe, and do interpretive routines set to music . . . just like interpretive dancing, but with a boat and a paddle. --Colbert featured two great YouTube videos: One of an old guy canoe dancing to the song "Lady in Red". And one of a guy canoe dancing to "Phantom of the Opera" . . . while wearing a full Phantom costume. (--Search YouTube for "Freestyle Canoe 2007 Marc Ornstein" and "Freestyle Canoeing Phantom of the Opera.")
More People Are Opting for Green Burials . . . And You Can Even Have Your Ashes Turned into a Reef:

According to "Reader's Digest", normal burials and cremation are becoming less popular, and more people are opting for GREEN burials that don't pollute the environment. --Americans bury more than one million tons worth of steel caskets each year, which don't biodegrade. And cemeteries use a lot of water and pesticides to keep the grass green. --Cremation is better, but it pollutes the air with things like nitrous oxide and mercury from dental fillings. And the Environmental Protection Agency doesn't regulate any of it. --But a lot of companies are now offering more eco-friendly options. For example, normal embalming fluid contains toxins that can leak into the ground. But now you can opt for nontoxic fluid, or just skip the embalming part altogether. --And you can also be buried in an easily biodegradable container made from natural materials like bamboo or wicker. But if that's not enough, there's another option that's kind of interesting: --A company called Eternal Reefs can mix your ashes with concrete, and shape it into a "reef ball" for marine life. And if you want, the reef can contain the ashes of up to three family members . . . or even your pet. --They've already installed over 1,500 memorial reefs in 20 locations off the coasts of Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Maryland, New Jersey, Texas and Virginia. But it's not cheap. One reef balls costs between $3,000 and $7,000. (Reader's Digest /


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