Thursday, June 16, 2011


Crystal Harris Says She and Hugh Hefner Are Both Relieved They're Not Getting Married:

Make no mistake about it: HUGH HEFNER GOT DUMPED. But his ex-fiancée CRYSTAL HARRIS is trying to make it sound like a mutual decision. --Yesterday on RYAN SEACREST'S radio show, she said, quote, "I called it off because I didn't think it was the right thing for me to do. It was mutual between Hef and I, there was no fight, we sat down and we talked about it." --Even though the decision seemed sudden, Crystal said it was a long time coming . . . quote, "For a while I've been having second thoughts about everything. I haven't been really at peace with myself lately. --"I didn't think it was fair to him . . . They were gonna air a show on it. It was all happening too fast for me. --"There was no fight. He understood. We both agreed that it wasn't the best idea to get married." (--Lifetime had been following Hugh and Crystal around for a show called "Marrying Hef". It was going to air on July 13th. Lifetime announced yesterday they're, quote, "not moving forward with the special.") --Crystal doubts Hef will ever get married again . . . and in fact, he was only doing it for her in the first place. She said, quote, "He said he was just doing this wedding for me, he thought that's what I wanted. We're both relieved." --Crystal said her ex is doing just fine . . . quote, "He's OK. Hef's lifestyle isn't the most normal lifestyle . . . That's the thing, this isn't the lifestyle for me, the multiple girls around all the time." --As for those rumors about DR. PHIL'S son? Denied. Crystal said, quote, "I'm not seeing someone else. Of course I have friends, I have plenty of friends in the music business, so you know, that's normal." --Crystal also addressed the cover of the July issue of "Playboy". She's on the cover, with a headline blaring, quote, "America's Princess: Introducing Mrs. Crystal Hefner". (--Check it out here.) (D-Listed) --She said, quote, "It's a beautiful cover and it went to print awhile ago, so I hope that people can enjoy it." (--Here's some audio from the interview.)

Sean Penn Ate Dinner with Garcelle Beauvais:

Now that he and SCARLETT JOHANSSON are no more, SEAN PENN is free to mack on other chicks as he sees fit. The other night, he was spotted with a woman a little closer to his age.--Sean had dinner with 44-year-old GARCELLE BEAUVAIS . . . whom you may recall from "NYPD Blue" and "The Jamie Foxx Show". Nowadays, she's on the TNT series "Franklin and Bash". -To be fair, nobody saw Sean and Garcelle do anything romantic. And this COULD have been an official meeting. -As you probably know, Sean is a big-time player in the relief and rebuilding efforts in Haiti. Garcelle was born in Haiti . . . and lost an aunt in the earthquake. --She recently spoke about what she's doing to help . . . quote, "I did a short film, called 'Eyes to See', a lot of charity and raising money. --"My family in Miami is doing everything: sending coats, sending supplies. A lot of people have stepped up for Haiti. In that, there is so much hope."

Two Men Who Planned to Rob and Kill Joss Stone Were Arrested Near Her House with Rope, a Body Bag and Swords:

Two men who were allegedly planning to rob and kill British singer JOSS STONE were arrested near her house with rope, a body bag and . . . SWORDS. (???) --There were also reports that they had blueprints and aerial views of Joss's house. (--But one cop said some of the reports about what the men had aren't completely accurate. And really, where are these guys gonna get blueprints of the house?) --The men . . . who are 30 and 33 years old . . . drove 200 miles from Manchester to rural east Devon, where Joss lives in an isolated estate. She's worth an estimated $14 million. --The plan was thwarted by neighbors who called police after seeing the two men "acting suspiciously" and driving slowly around the area. --They were arrested and booked on suspicion of conspiracy to rob and murder. --A police spokesman says, quote, "The men had information and items that lead us to suspect that they may have intended to commit a criminal offence." --Joss issued a statement saying, quote, "I'd like to thank everyone for their concern but I'm absolutely fine and getting on with life as normal while the police continue with their inquiries."

Check Out John Edwards' Mugshots:

The mugshots of former Democratic presidential hopeful JOHN EDWARDS were released yesterday. And he looks incredibly chipper in them. (--Check 'em out here.) (Gossip Center) --Edwards is accused of using campaign funds to cover up his affair and love child with Rielle Hunter. --He has pleaded NOT GUILTY to six counts: conspiracy, making false statements and four counts of illegal campaign contributions.

Reese Witherspoon Owns Two Annoying Donkeys:

Here's something you may not have known: REESE WITHERSPOON owns two miniature donkeys, named Honky and Tonky. (???) Here's something else you may not have known: They're annoying the crap out of her neighbors. --The donkeys make a lot of noise. A source says, quote, "It's so bad that a few residents have sent her a letter." --Nobody wants Reese to move. She's apparently very well-liked in the neighborhood. They just want her to shut her asses up.
25 Things You Don't Know About Jason Priestley:

JASON PRIESTLEY did one of those "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" lists for "Us Weekly". Here are the highlights . . .

--I'm part owner of a winery in British Columbia: the Black Hills Estate Winery.

--I haven't shaved in two or three years.

--My first car was a motorcycle.

--I've worked on a potato combine.

--I own a resort on the west coast of Vancouver Island.

--The first concert I ever attended was The Kinks.

--The first 45 record I ever bought was "Kiss You All Over" by Exile.

--I cannot play any musical instruments.

(--Check out the complete list here.)

DeShawn Stevenson of the Dallas Mavericks Was Busted for Public Intoxication:

Just days after being photographed wearing an awesome shirt that read "Hey LeBron! How's My Dirk Taste" . . . Dallas Mavericks stud DESHAWN STEVENSON got busted for PUBLIC INTOXICATION. --Tuesday evening . . . just two nights after the Mavs beat the Miami Heat for the NBA Title, police were called to an apartment complex in Irving, Texas because DeShawn was so wasted he didn't even know where he was. --A police spokesman says, quote, "They felt he was a danger to himself and others. Basically, he was intoxicated to a point where they didn't feel comfortable letting him walk away or leave. They didn't have any other options at that point." --DeShawn was released yesterday on $475 bond. (TMZ)


"Green Lantern" Hits Theaters Tomorrow . . . Here's What You Need to Know:

#1.) "Green Lantern" (PG-13)

The Green Lantern Oath:

In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power...
Green Lantern's light!Ryan Reynolds gets a ring from a dying alien that gives him the power to create anything he can imagine. Blake Lively plays his girlfriend. --The movie's based on the classic "Green Lantern" comic books, which tell the story of Hal Jordan, the first human to become a member of an intergalactic peacekeeping force called the Green Lantern Corps. --The Corps consists entirely of CGI aliens, and some of the actors doing the voices include Mark Strong, Geoffrey Rush, and Michael Clarke Duncan. --Peter Sarsgaard is the bad guy, Angela Bassett plays a government agent, and Tim Robbins plays a Senator. (--Here are some production stills of the aliens from the movie, along with a breakdown of the actors behind the makeup . . .) (ComingSoon.Net)

Kilowog: The big dude who pounds Ryan Reynolds in the second trailer and says, "Remember, your enemy is not gonna play fair." That's Michael Clarke Duncan from "The Green Mile".

Sinestro: Before he was a villain in the comics he was Hal's mentor and he's still one of the good guys here. He's played by "Robin Hood" and "Sherlock Holmes" villain Mark Strong.

Tomar-Re: The bird-like alien who teaches Hal to use his powers. He's played by Geoffrey Rush from "The King's Speech" . . . a.k.a. Barbosa in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies.

Abin Sur: The alien who gives Hal the ring. The actor who plays him is a guy named Temuera Morrison, who you know better as Jango Fett in the "Star Wars" prequels.

(Trailer #3) (Trailer #2) (Trailer #1)

Comic Book Trivia #1:
In the comics, Green Lantern was also one of the founding members of the Justice League, along with Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman . . . meaning you'd probably remember him from those old "Super Friends" cartoons. (See note below)
Comic Book Trivia #2:
Four other humans became Earth's Green Lantern after Hal Jordan. They were: John Stewart, Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner, and a chick named Jade. There was even a Green Lantern during World War 2, named Alan Scott . . . but he wasn't cool enough to be "intergalactic".

#2.) "Mr. Popper's Penguins" (PG)

Jim Carrey plays an uptight businessman who inherits six penguins that no one's willing to take off his hands. Eventually a guy from the zoo shows up, but by then he's realized they're his last chance to reconnect with his kids. (Trailer)

#3.) "The Art of Getting By" (PG-13) (Limited)

Freddie Highmore from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" plays a teenage slacker on academic probation who falls for Emma Roberts. He's 19 now, but he still looks like a frightened puppy. Emma's 20, and looking sexy as a blonde these days. (Trailer)

Russell Crowe Will Follow in Marlon Brando's Footsteps by Playing Superman's Father:

What is it about cranky, bloated, past-their-prime actors playing Superman's dad? --MARLON BRANDO did it in the CHRISTOPHER REEVE "Superman" movie back in 1978 . . . and now RUSSELL CROWE takes over in the upcoming reboot, "Man of Steel". --Crowe will play Jor-El, Superman's REAL dad who dies when their home planet Krypton blows up. --KEVIN COSTNER is playing Jonathan Kent, Superman's adoptive dad . . . or, EARTH FATHER, if you want to get cute. (--Get it? Superman has a BIRTH father and an EARTH father. I told you it was cute.) -DIANE LANE plays Jonathan's wife, Martha Kent. HENRY CAVILL from "The Tudors" is playing Superman . . . and AMY ADAMS will be Lois Lane. --Brando was famously paid about $3.7 MILLION for just a few minutes of screen time. Footage he shot for "Superman" and "Superman 2" was recycled and reused for the 2006 sequel "Superman Returns", starring BRANDON ROUTH. --In the TV series "Smallville", Jor-El was played by TERENCE STAMP. He was already Superman royalty, because he played the kick-ass villain General Zod in "Superman 2".

Gary Busey Was Fired From a Cheesy Horror Movie . . . For Making Inappropriate Comments to a Woman on the Set:

GARY BUSEY was reportedly FIRED from a cheesy horror flick called "Mansion of Blood" because he was difficult to work with . . . and apparently a pervert. --Sources say several people on the set were complaining about Gary's behavior . . . but the last straw was when he made inappropriate comments to a woman on the set. (--There's no word what he allegedly said.) --Gary's rep tells a slightly different story . . . quote, "The situation was plagued by contractual issues and misunderstandings from the outset. Gary considers the episode concluded and has no further comment on the matter."
Scotty McCreery Wants to Distance Himself from "American Idol":

Like pretty much every "American Idol" winner before him, SCOTTY MCCREERY says he'd like to "distance himself" from "Idol" and make a name for himself outside the show. --In an interview with, Scotty explains, quote, "I want to go down the same road that Carrie Underwood did . . . kinda separate myself from 'Idol' . . . because when you think of Carrie Underwood now, you don't think '"American Idol" Season Four winner,' you just think 'Carrie Underwood.' --"I want to cross that bridge. There's a lot of pressure and work that goes into it, but I'm looking forward to it." --Scotty also says he feels he's headed for uncharted territory, because, quote, "teen males have never really made it in country music." --He adds, quote, "It's going to be tough . . . there's no formula for me. We can't go by what other guys are doing who are 40 years old in this industry. We have to go by something totally new and hope it works."

Thursday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"So You Think You Can Dance" [Results Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Jessie J performs "Who You Are".)

--"True Crime with Aphrodite Jones" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ID.

--"The Truth Below" . . . 10:00 P.M. to Midnight on MTV. (--Four college freshmen are coming back from a snowboarding trip when their SUV crashes and ends up buried in an avalanche. It stars Gillian Zinser, who plays Ivy on "90210".)

"The Book of Mormon" Is the First Broadway Album to Hit the Top 10 Since 1969:

"The Book of Mormon" soundtrack got a huge sales bump from the Tony Awards. You'd know it better as the Broadway musical from the creators of "South Park". Days after winning NINE Tonys, the album shot up to the #3 slot on the "Billboard" chart. --That's pretty big news, because a Broadway cast album hasn't broken into the Top 10 in OVER 40 YEARS. "Hair" was the last Broadway disc to do it, when it spent 13 straight weeks at #1 back in 1969. --The 61,000 copies that "The Book of Mormon" sold this week is also the largest sales week ever for a cast album. The previous record was held by "Phantom of the Opera", which moved 54,000 copies during the week of Christmas in 1992. --As for the top spot, that went to ADELE. She slipped past LADY GAGA with another strong week of sales for her disc "21".

Here's the rest of the Top 10 . . .

1.) "21", Adele (114,000 copies)

2.) "Born This Way", Lady Gaga (100,000 copies)

3.) The original Broadway cast recording of "The Book of Mormon" (61,000 copies)

4.) (NEW) "All 6's & 7's", Tech N9ne (56,000 copies)

5.) (NEW) "Ronnie Dunn", Ronnie Dunn from Brooks & Dunn (45,000 copies)

6.) (NEW) "Dirty Work", All Time Low (44,000 copies)

7.) "My Kinda Party", Jason Aldean (41,000 copies)

8.) "This Is Country Music", Brad Paisley (38,000 copies)

9.) "Now That's What I Call Music! Volume 38" (31,000 copies)

10.) "Codes and Keys", Death Cab For Cutie (30,000 copies)
The 10 Best Album Covers of All Time:

"Rolling Stone" recently polled their readers to come up with a list of The Best Album Covers of All Time. And the #1 spot went to THE BEATLES' 1967 album, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". (--How original.) Here's the Top 10:

1.) "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", The Beatles (1967)

2.) "Dark Side of the Moon", Pink Floyd (1973)

3.) "Nevermind", Nirvana (1991)

4.) "Abbey Road", The Beatles (1969)

5.) "London Calling", The Clash (1979)

6.) "Sticky Fingers", The Rolling Stones (1971)

7.) "Revolver", The Beatles (1966)

8.) "Born to Run", Bruce Springsteen (1975)

9.) "Wish You Were Here", Pink Floyd (1975)

10.) "The Velvet Underground & Nico", The Velvet Underground (1967)

(--Interestingly enough, eight of the 10 albums were released between 1965 and 1975. And there's only one album on the list from the past 30 YEARS . . . Nirvana's "Nevermind" from 1991.)

Metallica Announced a New Album . . . With Lou Reed?

There have been rumors for a while about some kind of 'secret' METALLICA project in the works . . . definitely-not-gay guitarist KIRK HAMMETT said in February it was, quote, "not really 100% a Metallica record." --But yesterday the band posted a statement on their website, and we finally know what the project is: A full-length album collaboration . . . with LOU REED. --Here's the statement: "Ever since we had the pleasure of performing with Lou at the 25th anniversary of the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame at Madison Square Garden in October of 2009, we have been kicking around the idea of making a record together . . . -" In what would be lightning speed for a Metallica-related project, we recorded ten songs . . . and while at this moment we're not exactly sure when you'll hear it, we're beyond excited to share with you that the recording sessions wrapped up last week. --"A true innovator and easily one of the most influential songwriters, musicians, and performers in rock music history, Lou's work with the VELVET UNDERGROUND and as a solo artist has such an enduring quality that he has long been revered and respected by us and many of our peers. --"We can't wait for you to listen to the finished record." --That's all we know right now. So yeah . . . we're kind of scratching our heads too. But it's definitely happening . . . you can check out for the full statement, and a photo of JAMES HETFIELD working in the studio with Lou.

Lady Gaga's Fans *Did* Make "Get Well" Videos for Clarence Clemons, Even Though They Probably Have No Idea Who He Is:

Here's another example of the insanely massive influence of LADY GAGA: --Earlier this week, Gaga asked her fans . . . the so-called "little monsters" . . . to make video messages for E STREET BAND saxophonist CLARENCE CLEMONS, who suffered a serious stroke on Sunday. --Well, they did as she instructed . . . even though most of them likely have no idea who he is. Lady Gaga had them edited together . . . and the end result is 13 MINUTES of "get well" wishes. (--You can check it out, here.)

Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" Video Will Debut on "So You Think You Can Dance":

LADY GAGA'S "Edge of Glory" video will premiere on TONIGHT'S episode of "So You Think You Can Dance". According to Gaga's website, you won't actually see the whole video . . . it's just going to be an "extended preview." --If you want to see the full video, you'll have to hit up Lady Gaga's VEVO channel. Presumably, the video will be up later tonight, after "So You Think You Can Dance". --Gaga will also serve as a celebrity judge on the show sometime later this season.

Lady Gaga's "Meat Dress" Is Going on Display at the Rock Hall:

Remember the meat dress that LADY GAGA wore at last year's "MTV Video Music Awards"? Well, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is putting it on display in their "Women Who Rock: Vision, Passion, Power" exhibit. --The dress was added to the exhibit this morning . . . and could be there until next February when the exhibit is taken down. (--It's unclear how the dress, which was made of REAL RAW MEAT, is being preserved.) (--You can find more info on the "Women Who Rock" exhibit, here.)

Jay-Z Doesn't Understand Why Rappers Aren't Mentioned Alongside the Greatest Writers of All Time:

JAY-Z believes rap is poetry . . . and he doesn't understand why rappers aren't mentioned alongside the greatest writers of all time. (--Like, say, "Twilight" author STEPHENIE MEYER.) --Jay-Z explains, quote, "Rap is poetry . . . it's thought-provoking, there's thought behind it. There's great writing in rap as well. --"You never hear rappers being compared for like the greatest writers of all time. You hear Bob Dylan. [But] so is Biggie Smalls, in a Hitchcock way. Some of the things that Biggie wrote . . . Rakim, I mean, listen to some of the things he wrote . . . --"If you take those lyrics and you pull them away from the music, and put 'em up on the wall somewhere and someone had to look at them, they would say, 'This is genius! This is genius work!'" --A lot of people DO consider rap to be poetry . . . but those who disagree would probably point out that most mainstream rap songs seem to be shallow statements about women, money and partying. But Jay-Z wants you to think DEEPER. --He says, quote, "I want people to also take away the quick judgments. Listen to the song, listen to its intent. Try to figure out why a song like 'Big Pimpin' can exist . . . on the surface, is just fun and party music, but there's reasons behind that as well." (--Here's video of Jay-Z making these statements.)

Kid Rock Says He's Too Lazy To Record A Country Album:

You probably know that KID ROCK started out as a rap artist before crossing over to rock and country. asked Kid if he'll ever take the plunge and record a full-blown country album. He doesn't see it happening, because he's too lazy. --He said, quote, "I enjoy music too much to narrow it down and say I'm just going to do a country album. Plus, the artists have to do so much stuff in country, and I'm a lazy butt. I don't want to have to sign autographs and go talk to radio about your single. --"You can't play your show and get off the stage at 11 and then go have a good time and then get up and go to radio to ask them to play your songs the next morning. I don't knock it, but I'm not sure I want to do that!" --By the way . . . Kid knows he's kind of a polarizing figure. The sort of guy people seem to either love or hate. But he welcomes the opportunity to change their minds. --He says, quote, "I think people are more surprised that they like me when they meet me. I came down (to Nashville) with an open heart, and I've had people tell me, 'I was surprised that I like you'."


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

CHRISTINA AGUILERA tells the new issue of "W" magazine that she and ex Jordan Bratman were BOTH to blame for the failure of their marriage . . . quote, "At one time or another we were both not angels." She also appears NUDE . . . but with her naughty bits concealed . . . on the cover. (Full Story)

A judge has denied CHARLIE SHEEN'S request to have his $100 million lawsuit against Warner Brothers and "Two and a Half Men" creator CHUCK LORRE heard in court. That means it's still set to go to arbitration, just like Lorre and the WB want. (Full Story)

SELENA GOMEZ says her crappy diet is responsible for her recent hospitalization. (Full Story)

ROBIN WILLIAMS is in a commercial for a new "Legend of Zelda" video game . . . with his 21-year-old daughter, ZELDA. She was actually named after Princess Zelda from the video games. True story. (Video)

JWOWW . . . from "Jersey Shore", in case you know multiple JWOWWs . . . has a huge new tattoo on her right shoulder, which shows two hands praying, while holding a giant cross. Supposedly, it's a tribute to her dead grandmother. (Full Story)

Did you hear the rumor that AEROSMITH guitarist JOE PERRY is suffering from hearing loss? Well, it isn't true. Joe's wife says his ears "are 100%". (Full Story)

(--By the way, Joe would've responded to the rumor himself . . . but he didn't HEAR that one. HI-YO!! I know, that's bad. Friday can't come soon enough.)


Only 14% of People Actually Watch TV Without Multitasking:

Remember, like, 20 years ago, when you'd sit down to watch a TV show and be glued to the television the entire time? Some combination of laptops, texting, iPads, and Angry Birds has killed that off nicely. --In a new Harris poll, only 14% of Americans say they regularly watch TV without multitasking and doing something else. --56% of people surf the Internet on a computer while they watch TV, 18% surf the web on their mobile phone, and 7% surf on their tablet. Added up, that means, 81% of people regularly use the Internet while they watch TV. --As for some of the other activities, 44% read a book or magazine and 7% read on their Kindle or other eReader . . . 40% are on Facebook or Twitter . . . 37% are texting . . . 29% are online shopping . . . and 30% do an activity not listed here. --Only 3% of the people surveyed did that horribly irritating hipster "I don't watch TV" response. (Harris Interactive)

The Reason Married Couples Fight Is . . . Wives Don't Get Enough Sleep:

A new study by the University of Pittsburgh's School of Medicine has found one of the biggest reasons married couples fight. --And it's not money, or stress, or the kids, or sex, or whether I'm REALLY going to have to sit through ANOTHER horrible season of "The Bachelorette". Nope. Fights happen because . . . WIVES ARE TIRED. --In the study, the researchers found that the more trouble a woman has sleeping, and the less sleep she gets, the more negative her interactions are with her husband. --Men's sleep levels didn't have the same impact because the researchers say quote, "Women are generally more expressive and tend to drive the emotional climate of a couple's relationship." (Health News)

There Are 30 Other Countries With Better Life Expectancy Than the U.S. Thirty?

I'm not exactly breaking new ground when I say that this country's healthcare system isn't running efficiently. But here's a PERFECT new illustration of just how inefficient it really is. --The U.S. spends more money on health care per capita than any other country in the entire world. But according to the latest numbers, there are THIRTY countries that have a longer life expectancy than we do. --The life expectancy for a male in the U.S. is 75.6, and for women it's 80.8. --In the top country, Japan, men live an average of 2.4 years longer and women live an average of 5.3 years longer. --The top 10 countries in life expectancy are: Japan, Hong Kong, Iceland, Switzerland, Australia, Spain, Sweden, Israel, Macau, and France. We're down there fighting it out with countries like Portugal, Slovenia, Costa Rica, and CUBA. --The study also found that American men's life expectancies are climbing faster than women's. Between 1987 and 2007, men's life expectancies jumped 4.3 years, while women's jumped 2.4. --Doctors say a lot of that has to do with the decline in smoking. More men used to smoke . . . and suffer the fatal side effects. Now that there's less smoking, it's making less of an impact across the board. (ABC News)

A Woman Gives Birth in a 7-Eleven Parking Lot . . . And Briefly Considers Naming Her Newborn "Big Gulp":

This woman just cost her kid a lifetime endorsement deal with 7-Eleven, all because 'dignity' told her NOT to give her kid an awesome name. --Last week, Lisa Cravener of Fairplay, Colorado went into labor with her third child. Her husband Jim was rushing her to the hospital . . . but Lisa realized the baby was going to come before they got there. --So she had Jim pull over . . . into a 7-Eleven parking lot. -Three minutes later, she gave birth to a son. -Now here's where it gets good. Lisa BRIEFLY . . . and we do mean briefly . . . thought about naming the kid BIG GULP as a tribute to 7-Eleven. Which would've been amazing. --Instead she and Jim decided to name him Hunter. And they're going to call him Big Gulp as a nickname. --Both Lisa and "Big Gulp" Hunter are doing well. (Summit Daily News)


A Man With a Chainsaw Fights a Man With a Baseball Bat Over a Woman . . . And the Baseball Bat Wins?

We've got a story here about a man with a CHAINSAW and a man with a BASEBALL BAT getting in a fight. And normally, we'd say the moral of the story is: Never bring a baseball bat to a chainsaw fight. --But . . . TWIST! This time around, somehow, the guy with the bat WON. On Monday night, around 11:45 P.M., a 44-year-old man in Springfield, Virginia, whose name wasn't released, was home and heard a loud banging on his door. He went down to see what was going on. --It was a 31-year-old man named Douglas Turner who was furious . . . apparently, they'd both been dating the same woman. --When the 44-year-old stepped outside to talk, Douglas pulled out a CHAINSAW, revved it up, and started SWINGING it. --The 44-year-old ran back inside and grabbed the first thing available . . . an aluminum baseball bat. When Douglas came into the house, he was greeted with a baseball swing to the head. --That knocked him out of the house. He shook it off, picked up his chainsaw, and tried to get back inside. This time, he was met with a jab to the ribs from the bat. --That was enough to send him running. And not only did he take a beating . . . but since he started it, HE was the one on the hook for the fight. --The cops found him getting treated at a hospital and arrested him for attempted malicious wounding, breaking and entering, and destruction of property. (Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star)

A Shoplifter Somehow Manages to Jam Six Full Racks of Ribs Into Her Purse:

This is one of those times where we want to quote WILL FERRELL from "Anchorman": "I'm not even mad; that's amazing." (--DELICIOUS AUDIO ALERT: Grab your "Anchorman" audio here.) --40-year-old Marie Chester of Fort Pierce, Florida was caught shoplifting last week. After she somehow managed to jam SIX FULL RACKS OF RIBS and two packs of oxtails into her not-all-that-big purse. (--She must play Tetris.) --The manager saw her jamming rack after rack of ribs into her purse and called the police. All told, Marie shoplifted $57.60 worth of meat. She was arrested and charged with misdemeanor retail theft. (Treasure Coast Palm)

A Copper Wire Thief is Hospitalized After He Accidentally Taps a 30,000-Volt Power Line . . . And Gets Shocked So Bad His Clothes Fly Off:

I'm not sure that this will discourage other people from stealing copper wire . . . that seems to be the hot crime trend ever since the economy crapped out . . . but maybe it'll give thieves a LITTLE something to think about. --On Sunday, a 30-year-old man, whose name wasn't released, was trying to steal copper wire from a utility substation in Alton, Illinois. And in the process, he accidentally tapped into a power line. A 30,000-VOLT POWER LINE. --He was hit with a charge of electricity so powerful that it either BURNED or KNOCKED his clothes off. Either way, people nearby heard a man screaming and found him naked and writhing in pain. He was arrested and is recovering. (AP)

Two Amish Are Hit With DUIs After Swerving Their Horse-and-Buggy in Front of a Car:

Apparently, there are some AMISH people out there who love to get DRUNK . . . even if they have to stomp their own grapes for the wine and drink it by candlelight. --21-year-old Andy Byler is an Amish guy from Volant, Pennsylvania. On Sunday night, he and a 17-year-old Amish female, whose name wasn't released, were driving a HORSE-AND-BUGGY . . . and they were drunk. --At one point, they SWERVED in front of an actual car . . . and that car hit their HORSE. --Fortunately, no one was hurt. The horse was injured but is going to survive. --When the police got there, they detected alcohol on the breath of both Andy and the female. --Since both of them hold the reins when they drive the buggy, both were arrested for DUI. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

A Teenager Started a Chain Reaction That Caused $100,000 in Damage Because She Was Texting . . . And Picking Up a Cat . . . While Driving:

The whole "driving while texting is insanely dangerous" message clearly hasn't gotten through to everyone. Because things like this keep on happening . . . --On Monday, in Barrie, Ontario, a Canadian 17-year-old was driving over the speed limit . . . and she was texting. And while she texted with one hand, she was using the other one to try to pick up her CAT off the seat. --And that was just too much. She lost control of the car and set off a major chain reaction. --She slammed into a parked car in a driveway. That car slammed into a boat in the driveway. And that boat slammed into another car . . . AND went through the wall of a HOUSE. --Overall, her texting-and-cat-scooping while driving caused more than $100,000 in damage. --The driver was arrested for careless driving. Amazingly, she was the only person hurt in the entire chain reaction . . . and she was treated for minor injuries at the hospital. (National Post)

Police Are Searching For Women Who Break Into Cars In a Cemetery Parking Lot:

I hope these women enjoy the few thousand dollars worth of stuff they've stolen. Because even once the police and justice system is done with them . . . they're going to spend the rest of their lives HAUNTED. --Because that's what happens when you steal from people who are at cemeteries. Their dead relatives HAUNT YOU. --The police in Cheltenham, Pennsylvania are searching for two women who have been breaking into cars at cemeteries, stealing people's credit cards from inside, and then using them to buy gas and clothes. --There were a few of these thefts around this time last year. Then once the police started investigating, the thefts stopped. --Now they're happening again . . . and the cops think the same women might be responsible. --The police have surveillance video of the women using the stolen credit card and are now trying to track them down. (Philadelphia Inquirer)


News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

A juror in England is facing fail time . . . for friending a defendant on Facebook. (Full Story)

You can now search Google using a picture or image. Have fun with that. (Full Story)

Want another reason to hate Libya? Gaddafi's son has been scalping tickets to the 2012 Olympics in London. He heads up the Libyan Olympic Committee, which got 1,000 tickets. (Full Story)

How was Dirk Nowitzki's Dallas Mavericks NBA championship celebrated in his home country? A German newspaper ran the headline, quote, "Nowitzki defeats the ghetto basketball", and pointed out that he's the first white MVP since Larry Bird. (Full Story)

People in a Florida town are outraged about a local heroin dealer . . . because he was on food stamps. (Full Story)

Bikini car washes are so last year. Why not try the hot new fundraiser: BIKINI LASER TAG. Check it out at (Full Story)

There's a Japanese researcher who says he can make artificial meat . . . using human feces. (Full Story)

#1.) A New Campaign Ad Depicts the Opposing Candidate as a Stripper, and Features a Horrible Rap with the Chorus "Give Me Your Cash, Ho":

A conservative group called Turn Right USA has released a political ad, and even the candidate they're supporting says it's racist and sexist. --It bashes a California Democrat named Janice Hahn (--pronounced "Honn"). And it accuses her of helping gang members get out of jail, then paying them to be "gang intervention specialists." But here's the racist part: --The ad features a rap with the lyrics, "Give me your cash, [b-word], so we can shoot up the street." And it ends with the line, "Let's keep her out of Congress, homies." It also features a woman on a stripper pole with Hahn's face superimposed on the body. (--Search YouTube for "Give Us Your Cash Janice Hahn." The rap starts at :24.) (--WARNING: This video includes the B-word.)

#2.) A Dog Couldn't Walk Up a Flight of Stairs Because It Was Wearing a Surgical Cone . . . So It Walked Up the Stairs Backwards:

You know those huge cones dogs have to wear after they have surgery? They're actually called Elizabethan collars . . . which is why people just use the word "cone." --Anyway, there's a new video online of a dog wearing one, and trying to walk up a flight of stairs. But it can't, because the bottom of the cone keeps getting snagged on the steps. --But after a few tries, the dog figures out what's going on . . . and walks up the stairs BACKWARDS. (--Search for "Lucy Conquers Stairs - Part 1." The dog starts walking backwards at :17.)

#3.) Ken Jeong From "The Hangover" Stars in a PSA About Doing CPR to the Beat of "Stayin' Alive":

KEN JEONG stars in the NBC show "Community", but most people know him as the doctor in "Knocked Up", or the Asian gangster 'Mr. Chow" in the "Hangover" movies.--But before he was an actor, he was a doctor. And now he's in a video for the American Heart Association that teaches people to do CPR to the beat of the Bee Gees song, "Stayin' Alive". --First, a guy collapses playing charades. Then two blonde models show up in T-shirts that say "Call 9-1-1" and "Push Hard and Fast." And after they start doing CPR, Ken Jeong shows up wearing John Travolta's suit from "Saturday Night Fever". (--Search YouTube for "Ken Jeong CPR." He shows up at :40.)

The Seven Most Pointless Salad Ingredients:

As long as you don't drown a salad in dressing, it's usually one of the healthiest things you can eat. But a lot of people also fill their salads with things that aren't really BAD, but offer almost no nutritional value. --So came up with a list of the most pointless salad ingredients. Here are the top seven.

#1.) Cucumbers. They're definitely not bad for you, but they're pretty low on vitamins and fiber. A better choice is celery, which is high in potassium and B6. --Or you could add roasted zucchini. One cup has 35% of the vitamin C you need in a day, and it's also a good source of omega-3s.

#2.) Iceberg Lettuce. If it's the only kind you can tolerate, fine. But spinach is much better because it has more folate, vitamin C, and potassium.

#3.) Croutons. They're not really "pointless," because they taste good. But a half cup has a lot of fat and almost 100 calories. A healthier option is sliced almonds or chopped walnuts, which have fat too. But they also have protein and fiber.

#4.) Salad Dressing. Again, it's not really "pointless" because most people wouldn't eat salad without it. But as you know, salad dressings are usually high in calories and fat. --For example, two tablespoons of blue cheese dressing add about 160 calories and 17 grams of fat to your salad. That's more calories and fat than you'd get if you added an entire grilled chicken breast. So using oil and vinegar is much better.
#5.) Cheese. In the context of a whole salad, it doesn't really add that much flavor. And the saturated fat and cholesterol add up fast. Try avocado instead. It has fiber, protein, calcium, potassium, and GOOD fat.

#6.) Alfalfa Sprouts. They're low in calories, but they're also low in nutrients. A healthier option is been sprouts, which have more calories, but also have more fiber, vitamins, and minerals.

#7.) Bacon Bits. Whether it's real bacon or the imitation kind, the sodium and fat make your salad UNHEALTHY. So just skip it, and do your best to choke down the healthy parts. --Because the alternatives Yahoo suggests aren't ANYTHING like bacon. They say you can get the same salty flavor and crunchiness if you try a handful of sunflower seeds or pumpkin seeds. Yeah right. (Yahoo)


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