HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (02-14-11)

THE GRAMMYS

Lady Antebellum Won Five Grammys . . . And Justin Bieber Is NOT the Best New Artist:

LADY ANTEBELLUM was the big winner at last night's "Grammys" . . . pulling down FIVE awards, including Song of the Year and Record of the Year for their ballad "Need You Now". (--The same song winning both awards really legitimized David Letterman's joke . . . during a special Grammy Top 10 . . . about nobody knowing the difference between the two categories.) --ARCADE FIRE won the big award, Album of the Year, for "The Suburbs". --EMINEM started the night with 10 nominations, but only won two Grammys . . . for Best Rap Album and Best Rap Solo Performance. --The true shocker of the night had to be JUSTIN BIEBER not winning Best New Artist. --And also the fact that he lost the award to ESPERANZA SPALDING . . . a woman who plays the UPRIGHT BASS. (???) She's the first jazz artist to ever win the category. (--Drake, Florence & the Machine and Mumford & Sons were also up for it.) (--Almost immediately after Esperanza's win, Bieber fans took out their anger on her Wikipedia page. You can read more about that here.) --JAY-Z, JOHN LEGEND and LADY GAGA each won three awards. --Gaga tried to be all edgy and arty, as usual . . . by being carried into the Grammys inside an EGG. (--Here are some pictures.) --Gaga "hatched" out of the egg for her performance of "Born This Way". If you're familiar with the movie "This Is Spinal Tap", it was kind of reminiscent of Spinal Tap coming out of their pods to perform "Rock and Roll Creation". --If you recall, the bass player had to perform the entire song inside his pod, because it wouldn't open. --"USA Today" claims Gaga had a similar moment, because she was supposed to come out of her egg to greet the paparazzi on the red carpet, but she couldn't because the latch got stuck. --In the crazy department, Gaga was easily shown up by CEE-LO GREEN, who performed "Forget You" with GWYNETH PALTROW and a bunch of Muppets. --Cee-Lo's outfit consisted of a red gorilla suit body, peacock feathers and some kind of metal skull-cap that LIZA MINNELLI or CHER might have worn in the late 1970s. --The show started with a tribute to ARETHA FRANKLIN featuring Christina Aguilera, Martina McBride, Jennifer Hudson, gospel singer Yolanda Adams and Florence Welch of Florence & the Machine. --It was pretty awesome, and Christina ALMOST completely redeemed herself for messing up the national anthem at the Super Bowl. Except that she kind of wiped out at the end. (--That'll stifle all those rumors that she's drinking too much, huh? Also, is it just me, or does Christina look more like CYNDI LAUPER every day? Not a compliment, by the way. You can see video of Christina slipping here.) --After the performance, Aretha herself appeared via video, thanking everyone for their support during her recent health crisis, and vowing to be at next year's Grammys IN PERSON. She looked and sounded great.

Other Grammy Highlights:

There wasn't much controversy at last night's "Grammys". If anything was close to the line, it was SETH ROGEN'S dig on MILEY CYRUS. --He said, quote, "I've seen things I've never seen before. I heard things I've never heard before. And that wasn't even watching the show. That was just backstage getting high with Miley Cyrus." --Another interesting moment was having SELENA GOMEZ present the Best Pop Vocal Album . . . which JUSTIN BIEBER was nominated for. Co-presenter DONNIE WAHLBERG tried to get a reaction out of her, but she wouldn't take the bait. --TRAIN singer PAT MONAHAN had the best acceptance speech moment. After "Hey Soul Sister" won Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group, he thanked Justin Bieber for, quote, "not being a duo or group." --And how about this: TIA CARRERE . . . the sexy minx who played MIKE MYERS' girlfriend Cassandra in the "Wayne's World" movies . . . won a Grammy for Best Hawaiian Music Album. She also won it in 2009. (--That's one of those awards they don't televise.)


The 2011 Grammy Winners:

Album of the Year: "The Suburbs", Arcade Fire

Record of the Year: "Need You Now", Lady Antebellum

Song of the Year: "Need You Now", Lady Antebellum

Best New Artist: Esperanza Spaulding

Best Pop Album: "The Fame Monster", Lady Gaga

Best Female Pop Performance: "Bad Romance", Lady Gaga

Best Male Pop Performance: "Just the Way You Are", Bruno Mars

Best Pop Performance By a Duo or Group: "Hey, Soul Sister (Live)", Train

Best Pop Collaboration: "Imagine", Herbie Hancock, Pink, India.Arie, Seal, Konono No. 1, Jeff Beck and Oumou Sangare

Best Dance Recording: "Only Girl (in the World)", Rihanna

Best Rock Song: "Angry World", Neil Young

Best Rock Album (Includes Hard Rock And Metal): "The Resistance", Muse

Best Alternative Music Album: "Brothers", The Black Keys

Best Rock Performance By a Duo or Group: "Tighten Up", The Black Keys

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance: "Helter Skelter", Paul McCartney

Best Rock Instrumental Performance: "Hammerhead", Jeff Beck

Best Hard Rock Performance: "New Fang", Them Crooked Vultures

Best Metal Performance: "El Dorado", Iron Maiden

Best R&B Song: "Shine", John Legend and The Roots

Best R&B Album: "Wake Up!", John Legend & The Roots

Best Contemporary R&B Album: "Raymond V Raymond", Usher

Best Urban/Alternative Performance: "(Eff) You", Cee Lo Green

Best Female R&B Vocal Performance: "Bittersweet", Fantasia

Best Male R&B Vocal Performance: "There Goes My Baby", Usher

Best R&B Performance By a Duo or Group: "Soldier of Love", Sade

Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance: "Hang on in There", John Legend and The Roots

Best Rap Song: "Empire State of Mind", Jay-Z and Alicia Keys

Best Rap Album: "Recovery", Eminem

Best Rap Solo Performance: "Not Afraid", Eminem

Best Rap Performance By a Duo or Group: "On To The Next One", Jay-Z and Swizz Beatz

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration: "Empire State of Mind", Jay-Z and Alicia Keys

Best Country Song: "Need You Now", Lady Antebellum

Best Country Album: "Need You Now", Lady Antebellum

Best Country Performance By a Duo or Group: "Need You Now", Lady Antebellum

Best Female Country Performance: "The House That Built Me", Miranda Lambert

Best Male Country Performance: "Til Summer Comes Around", Keith Urban

Best Country Collaboration: "As She's Walking Away", Zac Brown Band and Alan Jackson
(--You can sort through ALL 109 categories at Grammy.com.)

LINDSAY LOHAN LUNACY

Lindsay Lohan Tweets About Egypt:

On Friday afternoon, the people of Egypt received their second-greatest gift, when President Hosni Mubarak gave in to their demands and resigned from office. --Moments later, they received their GREATEST gift . . . congratulations from LINDSAY LOHAN. (!!!) --She Tweeted, quote, "Congratulations to the people of Egypt. Your voices were heard and you proved that peaceful demonstrations are possible and effective. --"And I pray Egypt maintains its treaty with Israel and sets the trend for its neighbors to create peace with Israel and the entire region." --If that's not enough for you, Egypt, KIM KARDASHIAN also sends her regards. She Tweeted, quote, "[This is a] historic day for Egypt! The people of Egypt made the regime step down. Now they can enjoy the freedom they deserve.")


Some Jewelers Are Skeptical That the Necklace Lindsay Lohan Allegedly Stole is Worth $2,500:

Everybody was already thinking it . . . and then HOWARD STERN Tweeted it: That $2,500 necklace LINDSAY LOHAN is accused of stealing doesn't look like a $2,500 necklace. --So TMZ went to some jewelers and asked them to appraise the necklace, given the picture we've all seen of Lindsay wearing it, plus information from the designer herself, who said it contains 8.84 carats of natural, untreated yellow diamonds. --A jeweler in Santa Monica said the necklace is, quote, "a dime a dozen", and he wouldn't sell it for more than a grand. --A jeweler in downtown L.A. says, quote, "the stone is cheap . . . It's most likely an industrial-type diamond, not gem quality." He appraised it at no more than $900. --And a jeweler in the San Fernando Valley says it's only worth $800 or less . . . quote, "I don't believe this necklace has 8 carats of diamonds. It's so thin." --Does any of this actually matter? Yes . . . because if the necklace is worth less than $950, then Lindsay can only be charged with petty theft, which is a misdemeanor. -As it stands, she's charged with grand theft, which is a felony. --Chances are, though, that this won't sway the district attorney. Since Kamofie & Company . . . the jewelry store Lindsay allegedly stole the necklace from . . . was selling it for $2,500, that's its value as far as they're concerned. (--EVERYTHING you buy is marked up. But your criminal charges are based on the PRICE of the item you steal, not what it cost to make it.) --But Lindsay's attorney plans on working that angle anyway. She says, quote, "A $5 lump of coal with a $2,500 price tag is still a $5 lump of coal." --Sources say the D.A.'s office won't accept any plea deal that doesn't include jail time. They want at least 60 to 90 days.


That Dress Lindsay Lohan Wore to Court Last Week Is Sold Out:

A lot of people criticized LINDSAY LOHAN for wearing a skin-tight mini-dress to court last week. But that didn't stop them buying it for themselves. It's sold out. --In case you're interested, the dress is called "Glavis", and it's by designer Kimberly Ovitz. It sells for about $575. And here's the good news: More are going to be available in mid-April . . . and you can order yours now. (--Here's the link.)


Kacey Jordan Is Pregnant . . . But It's Probably Not Charlie's:

Adult actress KACEY JORDAN texted CHARLIE SHEEN over the weekend to tell him she's PREGNANT. But he's probably not the father. --She said, quote, "I don't believe it's yours, but I'm going to Oregon to take care of the situation."


Charlie Sheen Is Clean: He Hasn't Failed a Drug Test Since His Hospitalization:

CHARLIE SHEEN is clean. At least he has been for the last couple weeks. TMZ says Charlie has had two drug tests since his 36-hour porno party and subsequent hospitalization. And he's passed them both.


Mariah Carey Doesn't Want Nannies:

Who knows how long she'll last, but MARIAH CAREY and NICK CANNON don't plan on hiring a nanny for their twins. --Nick says, quote, "We're not for all of the nannies and stuff. Nothing against anyone who is, but my wife wants to be as hands-on as possible." (--Does anyone believe Mariah can raise two kids without a battery of assistants? Far more responsible celebrities have proven that THEY can't.)


Jamie Foxx Got Into a Fight At an Usher Show:

JAMIE FOXX got into a FIGHT at an USHER show in Los Angeles on Thursday night. We don't know what caused it, but sources say the other guy was somebody Jamie knew. --It sounds like the guy was the first one to lay hands. He grabbed Jamie in a headlock and took him down. Security eventually pulled him off Jamie and dragged him out of the club. --Nobody was hurt, and cops weren't called. (--You'll find two videos of the incident at this link . . . one from above. But it's hard to tell what's happening in either of them.)


Christina Aguilera Has Settled Her Divorce:

CHRISTINA AGUILERA and husband Jordan Bratman have reached financial and custody agreements . . . and will be officially divorced in six months. --Details weren't disclosed . . . but we assume they've worked out their living arrangements. --Jordan had refused to move out of their house, even though Christina's NEW man, Matt Rutler, was basically living there. --The only thing we know for sure is that Christina and Jordan will share custody of their 3-year-old son Max.


Pete Wentz Is Doing a Lot of Crying:

The consensus among the various anonymous sources is that ASHLEE SIMPSON dumped PETE WENTZ, and he does NOT want to get divorced. And now, we're hearing that Pete is so upset he's been CRYING. --A source says, quote, "Pete has been crying a lot to her about this. He is crushed, and does not want it to be over." --The source adds, quote, "Ashlee is done, she loves him, but she's ready to move on. They married really young and have grown apart, she just wants to focus on her child and her career."


Elizabeth Taylor Really Is in the Hospital:

Last week, the "National Enquirer" reported that ELIZABETH TAYLOR was in the hospital, fighting for her life. Well, they got it at least half-right. --She actually was taken to the hospital, due to symptoms caused by congestive heart failure. But it's unclear how close to death she is. --Liz has been dealing with the condition for a few years. She had surgery for it in October of 2009. --On Friday, her rep said, quote, "This issue is being addressed. She is currently being kept in the hospital for monitoring. --"Her family and close friends are appreciative of the warm support and interest of her loyal fans, but have asked that people respect her privacy and allow her medical team the time and space to focus on restoring her back to health." --On Sunday, she added, quote, "She had a pretty good day Saturday, and a good night. At this stage, with her history, they're going to want to keep her in for a while just to make sure they've fixed what they needed to fix." (--Liz is 78 years old. She's in the new issue of "Harper's Bazaar" magazine, being interviewed by KIM KARDASHIAN. Kim also did a photo shoot as one of Liz's most iconic movie characters, Cleopatra. Check it all out here.)


Justin Bieber Almost Stole the Valentine Weekend Box Office Away From Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler:

Valentine's Day weekends typically go to romantic comedies and this one was no exception. JENNIFER ANISTON and ADAM SANDLER now have the new #1 movie in America, but they very nearly lost to JUSTIN BIEBER. --According to early estimates, "Just Go With It" took in $31 million to beat Justin's life story, "Never Say Never", by less than a million dollars. Meanwhile, "Gnomeo & Juliet" came in third with $25.5 million.

1.) (NEW) "Just Go With It", $31 million.
2.) (NEW) "Justin Bieber: Never Say Never", $30.3 million.
3.) (NEW) "Gnomeo and Juliet", $25.5 million.
4.) (NEW) "The Eagle", $8.6 million.

The Milli Vanilli Movie Is Happening!

The day after the "Grammys" is as good a time as any to talk about a MILLI VANILLI movie. --That's because Milli Vanilli are the only act in history to have a Grammy REVOKED. --Milli Vanilli were a late '80s singing duo . . . or so we THOUGHT. Turns out they didn't actually sing their own songs . . . which included "Blame It on the Rain" and "Girl I'm Gonna Miss You". --In 1990, they won the Grammy for Best New Artist. But it was taken from them when it was revealed that ROB PILATUS and FABRICE MORVAN didn't actually sing the songs on their debut album. --They tried to make a comeback using their own voices . . . but nobody cared. Pilatus fell under the spell of drugs, alcohol and petty crime . . . and in 1998, he was found dead of an overdose in a hotel room in Germany. --Long story short, there's a movie about their story in the works. It's got the full support of Morvan and the Pilatus estate. And that's pretty much all we know about it now.


Miley Cyrus Will Host "Saturday Night Live":

MILEY CYRUS will host "Saturday Night Live" for the first time on March 5th. A musical guest hasn't been named yet, but Miley probably won't be doing both. --Naturally, it'll be interesting to see if Miley appears in a "Miley Cyrus Show" sketch. (--Cast member VANESSA BAYER plays Miley in those skits. You can check one out, here.)


Groupon and HomeAway Have Pulled Their "Controversial" Super Bowl Ads:

Groupon and HomeAway.com had two of the more "controversial" ads during this year's Super Bowl . . . and now, they've both apologized to anyone who was offended, and yanked their ads. --Groupon has pulled their ad all together. It was the one that seemed to make light of the oppression in Tibet. (--You can watch it, here.) --HomeAway has re-edited their commercial, which featured a baby doll flying into a plate glass window. Now, someone catches the "baby." (--Here's the original one, and here's the new edit.) (--Both of these ads made our Super Bowl commercial LOSERS list.)


Monday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"Jeopardy!" . . . 7:00 to 7:30 P.M. on Network. (--Former "Jeopardy!" champions Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter will play against IBM's "Watson" computer in two matches over the course of three days to see just how smart the computer really is.)

--"The Bachelor" . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Brad Womack, Ashley Hebert, Chantal O'Brien and Michelle Money participate in a photo shoot for "Sports Illustrated's" 2011 swimsuit issue. Music Guest: Bankie Banx.)

--"90210" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW. (--Nelly has a cameo when Navid and Dixon persuade a music producer to film a video at Shirazi Studios.)

--"Chuck" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Lou Diamond Phillips guest stars.)

--"135th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show" [Opening Night] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on USA.

--"Mad Love" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Jason Biggs and Sarah Chalke play a couple whose friends are skeptical of their relationship.)

--"American Pickers" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on the History Channel. (--Mike and Frank find items for the Kentucky home of William Shatner.)

--"RuPaul's Drag Race" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Logo. (--"Big Love's" Chloë Sevigny and "Screening Room" co-host Debbie Matenopoulos are guest judges.)

--"Hawaii Five-0" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Real life couple Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo play a couple whose catamaran is boarded by pirates.)

--"Shatner's Raw Nerve" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Biography. (--Director Penny Marshall and "Glee's" Jessalyn Gilsig guest.)
"Billboard's" Annual Music Moneymakers List:

"Billboard" has released their annual "Music Moneymakers" list, which ranks the Top 40 artists who raked in the most income during the previous year. --The final estimates are drawn by compiling data from: album sales, digital music sales, online music and video streams, and revenue from touring . . . which is where the big money comes from these days. --"Billboard" did make one change to the list this year. --Since they only count U.S. music sales, they decided to only count DOMESTIC touring. So bands that spent a lot of last year touring abroad . . . like U2, AC/DC and METALLICA . . . took a hit in this year's ranking. --Also, income from merchandise sales, sponsorships, DVDs, ringtones, and songwriter royalties from radio wasn't included, because there isn't enough data available to make it consistent across the board. --In the end, LADY GAGA was #1, with an estimated net income of $30.6 million last year. BON JOVI was a close second with $30.4 million.

--Here are the Top 20 Music Moneymakers:

1.) Lady Gaga . . . $30.6 million

2.) Bon Jovi . . . $30.4 million

3.) Roger Waters . . . $24.5 million

4.) Dave Matthews Band . . . $23.9 million

5.) Justin Bieber . . . $22.5 million

6.) Taylor Swift . . . $20.7 million

7.) Michael Bublé . . . $19.8 million

8.) Eagles . . . $18.3 million

9.) Black Eyed Peas . . . $16.8 million

10.) Paul McCartney . . . $14.2 million

11.) Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers . . . $14 million

12.) Brad Paisley . . . $14 million

13.) Carrie Underwood . . . $13.5 million

14.) Tim McGraw . . . $13.5 million

15.) Usher . . . $13.2 million

16.) Rascal Flatts . . . $12 million

17.) Jay-Z . . . $11.6 million

18.) Eminem . . . $11.2 million

19.) Phish . . . $10.5 million

20.) Eric Clapton . . . $10.2 million

--The list also includes: Carole King and James Taylor, #25 and #26 . . . the "Glee" cast, #28 . . . Susan Boyle, #36 . . . and Michael Jackson, #37. --The only acts in the Top 40 who DIDN'T do any real U.S. touring last year were: Eminem, Susan Boyle and Michael Jackson, of course. (--For the complete list . . . including the estimated incomes down to the DOLLAR, and "Billboard's" mini write-ups on each one, hit up this link.)
Does Lady Gaga's New Single Rip-Off Madonna?

LADY GAGA unleashed her new single "Born This Way" on Friday, and almost immediately all kinds of people started calling it a rip-off of MADONNA'S "Express Yourself", which came out in 1989. (--Listen to "Born This Way", here . . . and "Express Yourself", here. Also, our friends at Hot 89.9 out of Ontario, Canada, put together a comparison of the two songs. Check it out, here.) --Neither Madonna nor Lady Gaga have commented yet . . . but for what it's worth, Madonna's estranged brother Chris Ciccone sure thinks it is. -He tells RadarOnline, quote, "All I can say is 'What the (eff)!' It sounds just like 'Express Yourself' . . . I can't believe it to tell you the truth." Chris also said that he's now lost some respect for Lady Gaga. (--Which has her reeling, I'm sure.) --But even if Lady Gaga's song does bite off Madonna . . . it seems unlikely that it would cause any real beef between them. --Lady Gaga has repeatedly credited Madonna as being a big influence on her career. And in 2009, they appeared in a "Saturday Night Live" sketch together. -However on Saturday, Madonna's official YouTube page uploaded a video of her performing "Express Yourself" at the 1989 "MTV Video Music Awards". (--The chances of that being a coincidence? Zero percent.) --Interestingly enough, Lady Gaga credited WHITNEY HOUSTON for inspiring "Born This Way" at the Grammys last night. --It seemed to come out of nowhere, almost as if she was intentionally tacking it on to the rest of her thank you speech. --She said, quote, "I want to thank Whitney because when I wrote 'Born This Way', I imagined she was singing it . . . because I wasn't secure enough in myself to imagine that I was a superstar. --"So Whitney, I imagined you were singing 'Born This Way' when I wrote it. Thank you." (--Here's video.) (--Is it possible that Lady Gaga went out of her way to name Whitney as the inspiration of "Born This Way" because everyone is accusing her of ripping off Madonna? Who knows. But it'd be kinda funny if she did.)


Introducing: The Justin Bieber Cocktail:

Someone from a club in Hollywood has created the so-called "Biebertini," a VIRGIN cocktail inspired by JUSTIN BIEBER. Here's the recipe:

--1/2 cup coconut cream
--1/2 cup pineapple cream
--1/4 cup light cream
--1 banana
--20 strawberries

--First, toss all the ingredients into a blender with ice. Then, pour it into four martini glasses. Top it off with some "whipped cream, Pop Rocks and a Blow Pop garnish." --If you're over 21, you can also add 1 1/2 ounces of vodka to each glass. The recipe recommends Three Olives brand vodka. -By the way, here are two other Justin-related randoms: --Justin Bieber showed off what his head might look like SHAVED during an appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last week. It was just a bald cap, obviously. (--Here's the video.) --And some girls in New York, claim their high school threatened to suspend them for wearing Justin Bieber shirts, because they thought they were "gang-related." But a rep for the school says they have no problem with the shirts. --For more details, and to see the shirts, hit up this link.)


SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

BETTY GARRETT . . . who played Mrs. Babish on "Laverne & Shirley" and the feisty Irene Lorenzo on "All in the Family" . . . has died. She was 91. (Full Story)


SEAN PENN got into an argument with a female employee at Los Angeles International Airport, and ended up getting a TSA pat-down. (Full Story)


A woman tried to get into the home of ELLEN DEGENERES and PORTIA DE ROSSI. She was caught by security and handed over to Beverly Hills Police. (Full Story)


Check out this list of movie sex scenes that might just put you off sex forever. They include "Avatar", "The Crying Game", "Gigli" and "Showgirls". (Full Story)


STEVIE NICKS says the inspiration behind the recording of her new solo album was . . . "Twilight". (Full Story)


AMY WINEHOUSE got booed during a crappy performance in Dubai. (Full Story)


Bassist GEEZER BUTLER now says there's DEFINITELY not going to be a reunion of the original BLACK SABBATH. (Full Story)


ASHANTI wore a pair of shoes with a hand giving a middle finger on them. (Full Story)


NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF

And Now, Three Random Pieces of Love Advice for Valentine's Day:

#1.) Ever wondered how BARACK and MICHELLE OBAMA keep their marriage so strong? Apparently, it's from the senses of humor they both claim to have . . . even if we haven't really seen much evidence. --Michelle says, quote, "[The key] is a lot of laughing. I think in our house we don't take ourselves too seriously, and laughter is the best form of unity. We still find ways to have fun together, and a lot of it is private and personal." (Gawker)

#2.) According to research from Wayne State University in Michigan, couples stay happier if they . . . date other couples. Not necessarily in a SWINGERS capacity, although that probably wouldn't hurt either. --The study found that couples who hang out with lots of other couples tend to be happier. You become less bored with each other, feel more like a team, and even learn new things about each other when you're less isolated. (AOL Health)

#3.) There's a new study out of Albright College in Pennsylvania that has finally tried to decode one of life's oldest mysteries: How SLOPPY you should make your kisses. --Researchers found that men push to make kisses WETTER and SLOPPIER, while women want them to be a little drier and last a little longer. --So if you want to reach a good middle ground . . . as a guy, be a little less sloppy and let the kiss last a little longer . . . and as a woman, don't run out of the room screaming if you're having massive amounts of saliva hoisted on you. (Hidustan Times)


In Honor of Valentine's Day, Here's the State of Love On Facebook:

For this Valentine's Day, here's a survey about love where it REALLY matters . . . on FACEBOOK. Thousands of Facebook users were surveyed about their relationships . . . here's what they said. --Among single people, 78% list themselves as single, 14% don't list a status, and the other 8% lie by saying they're in a relationship. --People who are dating but not engaged are the only ones who reported using the "it's complicated" choice. 6% have their relationship status as "it's complicated." --3% of people who are engaged list themselves as single. So do 1% of married people. --For people who say they're in a relationship but don't list the person's name, the main reasons are privacy . . . and crazy exes. --55% of the people surveyed plan on going on a date tonight, or having a night in with their significant other. 6% are planning on having a first date. 22% will spend time with their friends . . . and 12% are not planning on celebrating at all. (--The remaining 5% responded with "other".) (Mashable)
Women Say That Having a Dog Is Sexier Than Having a Cool Smartphone:

Believe it or not, showing a woman how many apps you have ISN'T a sure-fire aphrodisiac. Who knew? --A new survey by the gadget website Retrevo found that more women under 35 say that a DOG is sexier than a cool smartphone. --On the other hand, men are more attracted to a woman with a sweet phone than a woman walking a dog. --Believe it or not, only 31% of men and 33% of women said they'd be less attracted to someone for wearing a Bluetooth earpiece in public. (--That should be 100% and 100%. Set your standards higher, people.) --32% of men and 25% of women said they'd be less attracted to someone for wearing a phone holster on their belt. --If you're the gold digging type . . . of either gender . . . 71% of people who make $200,000 or more said they find cool phones attractive and 61% said cool laptops are attractive. Only 54% said they find iPads attractive. (Retrevo)


Dozens of People Got an Infection From a Party at the Playboy Mansion . . . And No, It Wasn't Chlamydia:

This just shows how much parties at the Playboy mansion have fallen off over the past few decades. --A report came out this weekend about dozens of people leaving a party at the mansion with an infection . . . and it's not a sexually transmitted one that they got from a wild, drug-fueled orgy. --No . . . a bunch of people were at a party that the mansion was hosting for a global Internet business conference. Yeah, it's hosting spectacularly lame corporate events now. --And the infection they all got was a respiratory infection . . . not Chlamydia. --Health officials in Los Angeles say that dozens of people ended up getting an unspecified respiratory infection from the party, which was held on February 3rd. Some people even reported pneumonia. --They wouldn't report on any of the potential causes of the infection. --54-year-old David Castello runs an Internet company and he was at the party. He says, quote, "[The infection] knocked me off my feet for five days. Fever, cough, headaches, back spasms. I'm over it now, but I'm still feeling fatigue." --Representatives from Playboy didn't have any comment. (Huffington Post)


A Teenage Girl Lies About Being Attacked . . . Because Her Boyfriend Bit Her While Role-Playing "Twilight":

I could see "Twilight" and the whole vampire trend in general getting the blame for this one. But that doesn't seem quite right. No . . . this one is ENTIRELY the fault of stupid teenagers acting like stupid teenagers. --A 15-year-old girl in Marathon, Florida . . . whose name wasn't released . . . was doing some "Twilight" fantasy role-playing with a 19-year-old boy. She ended up with bite marks on her neck, her arms, and her back. --After they were done, she worried about her mother seeing all the bite marks. So she decided to tell her mom that she'd been ATTACKED on the street and bitten all over by a stranger. --Her mom called the police. They interviewed the girl, quickly saw all the flaws in her story, and got her to admit the bites were from the 19-year-old. --When the police interviewed the guy, he admitted to biting the girl. He had a bunch of bite marks on HIS body too . . . but, he said, those were from his 19-year-old fiancée, not from the girl. His fiancée confirmed she'd bitten him. --There's no word on how she felt about her fiancé biting the 15-year-old. (--Also, if they REALLY wanted to recreate the "Twilight" love triangle, it's two guys and one girl. I know that because I asked a friend.) --The 15-year-old was charged with making a false police report. (Florida Keys Sheriff)


Boston Is America's Least Drunken City?

Suck on this, Salt Lake City. You think you're the homeland of sobriety? About five million stumbling, slurring Irishmen disagree. --"Men's Health" just released its annual list of America's drunkest cities and, somehow, BOSTON was named the least drunken city in the U.S. --Now, keep in mind there's a big difference between being America's SOBERST city and being its LEAST DRUNKEN city. --This list is all about how SAFELY people handle alcohol . . . things like the number of drunk driving crashes, DUIs, people who binge drink, deaths from liver disease, and harshness of the DUI laws. --And Boston actually does great in almost all of those. Of the 100 largest cities in the U.S., they're 95th in deaths from liver disease, 97th in drunk driving deaths, and 95th in total DUI arrests. --So even if people in Boston drink like people with names like Shamus O'Malley usually drink . . . they're safer and smarter about it than people elsewhere. Salt Lake City, Utah finished fourth . . . behind Boston, and Yonkers and Rochester, New York. --Fresno, California is on the other end of the list. They have the second-most deaths from liver disease in the country, the fourth-most DUI arrests, and the 16th-most drunk driving deaths. They finished just below Reno, Nevada, and Billings, Montana. (Men's Health) (--You can see all 100 cities on the list ranked here.)
Alcohol is Now Responsible For 4% of All Deaths Worldwide:

According to a new report by the World Health Organization, alcohol is now responsible for 4% of all deaths worldwide, every year. --Alcohol can be traced to diseases . . . like cirrhosis of the liver and cancer . . . and also to deaths from traffic accidents. --At about 2.5 million deaths every year, it kills more people worldwide than AIDS, violence, or tuberculosis. --The study also found that the average adult on this planet drinks 6.3 liters of alcohol every year. That breaks down to the equivalent of about 142 drinks per person, per year. --Almost 29% of the alcohol consumed worldwide is HOMEMADE. Bootlegging and moonshine might not be huge in the U.S. . . . at least not outside of the Appalachians . . . but it's ENORMOUS in developing countries. --And more than 11% of people who drink sometimes binge drink. (AOL Health)


Three Out of Five Americans Talk To Their Cars:

It's one thing to talk to your pets. Yeah, they probably don't understand 99.9% of what you're saying . . . but at least they're living beings. This is a whole different level. --According to a survey commissioned by Jiffy Lube, three out of five Americans talk to their cars. Here's what they're saying . . . and they could give more than one answer. --50% have thanked their cars for a job well done, like getting them somewhere on time. --39% of people say they verbally encourage their cars. Like, "Come on, get up the hill without making me turn off the heat. You can do it. You got this. You're a beast." --32% have apologized to their cars, either for reckless driving, getting in an accident, putting them through bad conditions, and more. --30% beg or plead with their cars. --21% of people talk sweet to their cars while RUBBING the dashboard, steering wheel, or some other part. (--How PG of them not to include the gear shift as one of their examples.) --And 17% of people try to bribe their cars by verbally promising them premium gas, a car wash, and other special gifts. (PR Newswire)


MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Woman Gets Busted Using a Stolen Credit Card At the Grocery Store . . . When She Can't Resist Using Her Own Rewards Card:

This is just brilliant. 35-year-old Cassandra Holley of Orlando, Florida, was at a Winn-Dixie grocery store in Deland, Florida, and was planning on paying for her groceries with a stolen credit card. --She'd stolen the credit card out of another shopper's purse in the store. --But when the cashier was scanning her groceries, Cassandra couldn't fight her INNER CHEAPNESS . . . and wanted to get the discounts she gets for being a part of Winn-Dixie's Rewards Club. Yes, even though someone else was footing the bill. --She didn't have her rewards card on her, so she gave the cashier her phone number . . . her own, personal, actual phone number. --When the cashier plugged it in, he noticed the name on the Rewards Club account didn't match the name on the credit card. He became suspicious. --After she left, he told the manager . . . they called the police . . . and the police used Cassandra's real phone number to track her down. --She was arrested for grand theft, and two counts each of forgery and fraudulent use of a credit card. She's now also a suspect in several other thefts around central Florida. (Orlando Sentinel)


Three People Are Arrested For Pulling the Old "Seinfeld" Scam . . . Driving Cans and Bottles Across State Lines To Get More Money For Them:

There's a famous episode of "Seinfeld" where Kramer and Newman try to drive thousands of soda and beer cans from New York to Michigan, where they can get 10 cents per can for redeeming them. --Three people just tried to pull that scam off in Maine. And they've all been ARRESTED and are facing criminal charges. 'Cause that's illegal, apparently. --62-year-old Peter Prybot of Gloucester, Massachusetts, allegedly set up an arrangement with Thomas and Megan Woodard of Kittery, Maine, to beat the system and make tens of thousands off of illegal redemptions. --In Maine, if you return your cans to a redemption center, you get five cents. If you return wine and liquor bottles, you get 15 cents. That's one of the more generous redemption deals in the country. --It's illegal to redeem cans and bottles that were purchased out of state. --In the scheme here, Peter would drive up thousands and thousands of bottles and cans from Massachusetts. Thomas and Megan own a redemption center in Maine, and they'd let him redeem all of the empties without drawing any suspicion. --The three of them passed off more than 100,000 out-of-state cans and bottles . . . and collected more than $10,000 . . . before state officials caught on. --This is the first time Maine has filed criminal charges for bottle refund fraud. All three could be looking at fines . . . which will run them way more than they got from their illegal redemptions. (Yahoo News)
A Bank Robber Is Foiled When the Teller Tells Him the Branch Is Closed:

It's not a surprise this guy decided crime was his only viable way to make money. No one with this kind of LAZINESS and a lack of persistence can make it in this world. --On Thursday, around 7:00 P.M., a man walked up to a Citizen's Bank branch inside of a Stop & Shop grocery store in Cranston, Rhode Island. -He passed the teller a note. She had trouble reading it . . . apparently his penmanship isn't so solid, either . . . so finally, he told her "This is a robbery." --She responded by telling him the bank is closed . . . and pulled down the security screen over her window. --And the robber . . . just went ahead and accepted that. He walked away with no money and with no follow-up. --The police have his image from a surveillance video but they're still trying to track him down. (CBS 12 - Providence)


RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

If you're too cheap to buy your Valentine candy, or you forgot, just tell her it's because you're opposed to "blood chocolates" . . . West African countries grow two thirds of the world's cocoa, and they use child labor to do it. (Full Story)


Is there really a woman with a condition where eating junk food gives her orgasms? She says she's put on 200 pounds in five years because of it . . . (Full Story)


A shooting suspect has been found in El Salvador, and he's being extradited to the U.S. Did we mention he's only three-feet eleven-inches tall? (Full Story)


A brave woman in New Zealand has testified against the guy who flashed her, saying, quote, "It wasn't much of a penis. More like a bubble." (???) (Full Story)


Little known fact: The spermatozoon of the hedgehog solidifies after having sex with a female . . . to block other guys' access. (Full Story)


A bride in Brazil was kidnapped minutes before walking down the aisle . . . the thieves took her jewelry and the wedding car . . . but she made it back to the church two hours later to go through with the ceremony. (Full Story)


NAZZY’S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) Someone Took Footage of Disney World's "Hall of Presidents" Attraction . . . and Added In an Announcer Getting Every Name Wrong:

If you've been to Disney World, you know that boring attraction called the "Hall of Presidents", where an animatronic version of each president teaches the audience history lessons. --But someone took footage of it and dubbed in new audio, so instead of the announcer saying the Presidents' REAL names, he says names that are supposed to be funny, like calling Andrew Jackson "Jimmy Goose", and Teddy Roosevelt "Buddy Knox." --The YouTube video is called "Hall of Inaccurate Presidents". (--Don't miss the series of "Jefferys" at 1:08.)


#2.) Did You See Chris Brown's Crazy Dance Moves on "Saturday Night Live"?

Even if you don't like CHRIS BROWN'S music and still hate him for what he did to RIHANNA, you now have to admit the guy can dance. --He showed off some pretty sweet moves on "Saturday Night Live" this weekend while performing the song "Yeah Three Times". (--The dancing starts at :22, then again at 1:21 and 2:20.)
#3.) Someone Launched a Massive Firework In a Residential Area . . . and it Went Off Way Too Low:

The footage might be fake, but there's a new video online that shows someone launching a firework over a residential area. Only it explodes way too low, sends sparks everywhere, and sets off a bunch of car alarms. (--Search for "Fireworks Fail Break.com")


#4.) A Filmmaker in Egypt Started Documenting the Celebrations 20 Minutes After Hosni Mubarak Stepped Down:

Twenty minutes after the President of Egypt stepped down on Friday, an Egyptian filmmaker took to the streets and started documenting the celebrations. You can watch the three-and-a-half-minute video on Vimeo.com. --It's called "Bye Bye Mubarak", and shows everyone from 5-year-olds to 75-year-olds celebrating alongside members of the Egyptian military, which is now in control of the country.


Eight Foods You Shouldn't Order on Valentine's Day:

If you're going out for dinner tonight, here's a list from "Reader's Digest" of eight foods you should NEVER order on Valentine's Day.

#1.) Beans. The last thing you want to do is stink up the car on the drive home . . . or worse, stink it up between the SHEETS.

#2.) Lobster and Crab. It might be hard to feel the romance, when the person you're sitting across from is ripping apart an animal with their bare hands.

#3.) Spinach. There's a chance it'll get stuck in your teeth, and you'll embarrass yourself.

#4.) Garlic Bread. You'll smell like garlic for the rest of the night, so only order it if your date wants some too.

#5.) Wings and Ribs. Basically, avoid anything that requires a Wet Nap.

#6.) An Oversized Hamburger. Don't order something that's hard to fit your mouth around. In fact, you should probably avoid anything you have to eat with your hands. For one day, class it up and use silverware.

#7.) Soup. You'll start slurping and ruin the mood for your date . . . and all the other couples seated nearby.

#8.) Anything Off a Dollar Menu. If you're taking your date to a fast food restaurant for Valentine's Day, at least splurge and go for a value meal . . . and maybe even super-size it. (???) (Reader's Digest)