HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (April 12, 2011)

Benicio del Toro Has Impregnated Rod Stewart's Daughter:

BENICIO DEL TORO is about to be a dad, thanks to some casual sex with ROD STEWART'S daughter. --For real: Benicio has knocked up KIMBERLY STEWART. They're not a couple . . . they're not dating . . . it just happened. He's 44 and she's 31. --Benicio's rep says, quote, "Although they are not a couple, they are looking forward to the arrival of the baby." --Benicio likes 'em young and blonde. And I'm not just saying that . . . it's science. (???) As you may recall, he nailed SCARLETT JOHANSSON in a hotel elevator after the Oscars seven years ago. She was 19 at the time. --Scarlett denied that rumor, by the way . . . but when given the chance, Benicio didn't. (--Rod Stewart's wife PENNY LANCASTER just gave birth to a baby boy in February.) (--And you have to believe this is SWEET REVENGE for thousands of dads whose young, impressionable daughters navigated their way backstage after Rod Stewart concerts over the years.)

 

Pia Toscano Says She and Mark Ballas Are "Just Friends" . . . But TMZ Says They Made Out Friday Night:

"American Idol"
cast-off PIA TOSCANO is trying to downplay her relationship with "Dancing With the Stars" stud MARK BALLAS. --She says, quote, "Mark is a really sweet guy. We went out with a group of friends. He's just a really good friend, I guess." --She added, quote, "Me and Mark vibe well together because he knows what I'm going through. He gets judged every week and he's kind of on a similar show, only I'm singing and he's dancing, so he's a really nice person to have support from." --But TMZ says Pia and Mark, quote, "Totally made out with each other Friday night." There's no word where they got their information. --One last note on Pia Toscano: Although she was one of the most talented contestants this season, she was NEVER actually a frontrunner in the voting. --"Idol" producer Nigel Lythgoe says, quote, "The fact of the matter is, it appears that Pia didn't connect with the audience the way we maybe think she did." (--Dude, don't you even know your own audience by now? It's YOUNG GIRLS. Trust me: Pia "connects" with every guy who lays eyes on her. But GUYS AREN'T VOTING.) --Nigel also implied that this whole situation may finally result in a RULE CHANGE. --He said, quote, "If we change the rules, maybe next season, maybe look at doing the same way we do on 'So You Think You Can Dance', so that America votes for the bottom three, and then the judges decide who goes home."

 

It's On!!! Between Donald Trump and Bill Cosby:

Last week on the "Today" show, BILL COSBY ripped DONALD TRUMP over his political aspirations. And now, it's officially ON between Bill and Donald. --Trump issued a statement yesterday, saying, quote, "While I have never been a fan of Cosby's, I had always assumed he liked or respected me because every time I met him . . . he was always so nice. --"I was surprised to hear him blabber, somewhat incoherently 'you run or shut up.' The hatred was pouring out of his eyes when he said this. As I am sure he must know I cannot run until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' ends. --"I wish he would be more honest, and if he doesn't want me to run because he's obviously an Obama fan, he should state the reasons and not come into my 'green room' in front of numerous witnesses and treat me like his best friend, only to denigrate me when I'm not around. --"Sadly, he got more attention talking about me than he did on the merits of his own appearance . . . maybe he is not as dumb as I thought."

 

Donald Trump Is Religious Now:

DONALD TRUMP has reached Chapter Two of his copy of "How to Appeal to the Right Wing Base for Dummies" . . . because after first questioning PRESIDENT OBAMA'S birthplace, Donald is now affirming his FAITH. --In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, Trump says, quote, "I believe in God. I am Christian. I think The Bible is certainly, it is THE book. It is the thing. --"I've had a good relationship with the church over the years. I think religion is a wonderful thing. I think my religion is a wonderful religion." --Asked if he goes to church regularly, Trump replied, quote, "Well, I go as much as I can. Always on Christmas. Always on Easter. Always when there's a major occasion. And during the Sundays. I'm a Sunday church person. I'll go when I can." (--Nice. He goes "during the Sundays." This is the equivalent of SARAH PALIN not being able to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, then claiming she reads "ALL OF THEM.") (--This guy goes to church about as much as Lindsay Lohan goes to AA. Donald Trump has two gods: MONEY and HIMSELF.) (--You can watch video of the interview here. And here's a separate video of Donald on Fox News cribbing a line from "Rambo 3" and saying he's President Obama's WORST NIGHTMARE.)

 

azine Cover . . . And It All Has to Do with the Armenian Genocide That Occurred 100 Years Ago:

KIM KARDASHIAN is upset with a cover photo "Cosmopolitan" is running of her. And it has nothing to do with cottage cheese thighs or bad lighting. --Instead, it's over the genocide of up to 1.5 million Armenians at the hands of the Turkish people about 100 years ago. --You see, April is the month the Armenian people commemorate that event. And "Cosmo" put Kim on the cover of the April issue of its TURKISH edition. For those of you who don't know, the Kardashians are of Armenian heritage. --A so-called "source" says, quote, "She's upset about it obviously, but it was an honest mistake. This one just slipped through the cracks. --"I can't imagine that they would have done this on purpose. Kim has a really great relationship with 'Cosmo'." (--Here's a picture of the cover.)

 

Samantha Ronson Got Pretty Messed Up in a Bike Accident:

SAMANTHA RONSON banged up her face pretty badly in a bike accident on Saturday. Sources say she took a spill while dodging a vehicle in Venice, California. --She posted a picture of the damage on Twitter yesterday saying, quote, "Wear a helmet kids!!!" (--Check it out here.) --She added, quote, "You should see what I looked like on Saturday . . . Just a little uglier than usual. Other than that, Vicodin is handling the rest."

 

Joan Rivers Says the Key to Not Sweating is Vodka . . . On Your Clothes:

JOAN RIVERS says the key to not sweating is VODKA. But you don't drink it. --She says, quote, "I always spray my costumes with vodka and water. It's an old Broadway trick . . . two-thirds water and one-third vodka, spray your armpits and you'll never smell again."

 

The Stolen Copy of the First Superman Comic Book That Was Taken from Nicolas Cage 10 Years Ago Has Finally Been Found:

Ten years ago, somebody stole a comic book from NICOLAS CAGE. But it wasn't just any comic book. It was a mint-condition copy of "Action Comics #1" from June of 1938. --For those of you who are deficient in Geek Speak, that's the comic book where Superman made his first appearance EVER. --To put its value in perspective, a different copy of it was sold a year ago for $1.5 MILLION. (--Here's a picture of the cover.) --Anyway . . . the book was found last month in a storage locker in the San Fernando Valley. --Some guy bought the contents of the locker at an auction . . . and when he discovered the book, he contacted some collectibles experts who determined it was the one stolen from Cage. --Police are currently holding onto the book as they investigate the original theft. Cage issued a statement saying, quote, "It is divine providence that the comic was found and I am hopeful that the heirloom will be returned to my family." --The thing is, Cage took out an insurance policy on the comic book, and he collected on it when the book was stolen. So if he wants it back, he might have to work out a deal with the insurance company. --But we should probably note that police don't think Cage did anything shady, like try to perpetrate insurance fraud. He's not a suspect, and he's actually been helpful with the investigation.

 

Natalie Portman Can't Be a Vegan Anymore . . . Because She Needs Cookies and Cake:

NATALIE PORTMAN has dropped down from veganism to simple vegetarianism. And it's all because of COOKIES AND CAKE. --Natalie says, quote, "I actually went back to being vegetarian when I became pregnant, just because I felt like I wanted that stuff. I was listening to my body to have eggs and dairy. --"If you're not eating eggs then you can't have cookies or cake from regular bakeries, which can become a problem when that's all you want to eat. I actually wanted eggs at the beginning and then they grossed me out after awhile."

 

Check Out Pictures of Sean Penn, Scarlett Johansson and Owen Wilson Jogging:

SEAN PENN and SCARLETT JOHANSSON went jogging in Los Angeles the other day . . . and for some reason they brought OWEN WILSON along with them. (--Here are some pictures.) (--And here are some pictures of Sean's 17-year-old son, Hopper Jack, following in his dad's footsteps by cussing out the paparazzi and giving them the finger. That's Sean in the pictures with Hopper, by the way.)

SPORT SHORTS

The Woman Who Got Those Naughty Texts From Brett Favre Says She's Not a Gold-digger:

JENN STERGER . . . the former New York Jets employee who received the now-infamous text of BRETT FAVRE'S junk . . . says she's not a gold-digger, and she's not trying to make money off the situation. --In an interview airing today and tomorrow on "Good Morning America", she says, quote, "I'm not a gold-digger. I haven't made a dime off anything in this whole situation. Not from the pictures. Not from Favre. --"I never wanted to sue anyone. That was never an intention of mine." -She also says the scandal has seriously messed with her life . . . quote, "You know, I was trying to go to work. Do my job. But how are you supposed to report on the news when you are the news? --"It was tough. It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. All I wanted to do was go to work. Do my job. That's all I wanted." --She adds, quote, "I just want my life back. That's all I'm asking for." (--Check out a clip from the interview here.)

 

A Girl Says She Was Forced to Sit in the Back Row During "American Idol" Last Week . . . Because She Was "Too Fat":

A 19-year-old girl named Ashley Kauffman claims she was forced to sit in the back row during "American Idol" last week . . . because she was "too fat." Here's her story: --Ashley and five of her friends got free tickets to attend last Thursday's show . . . the one where PIA TOSCANO was shown the door. When the girls got there, three of her skinny friends were given sweet, front-row seats. --But Ashley was not invited to join them. In fact, she says a staffer told her, quote, "Oh no, you're just too big, too heavy to be in front!" Instead, she was assigned a seat in the very back row. --Ashley says a separate staffer checked her ticket, and told her, quote, "[It] makes sense why you're not with the skinny girls. You're in the last row." --When Ashley complained to an usher, he apologized . . . but didn't seem all that surprised. Ashley says he told her, quote, "I'm sorry they said those things to you, I guess that's the reason why they decided not to have you guys together."
--Ashley's other two friends were sent to the back row with her. She says one of them was denied the front row because she was wearing shorts. It's not clear why the other one didn't make the cut. --Ashley's dad tells RadarOnline.com that Ashley would like an on-air apology. --He also says that Ashley, who's five-foot-two and about 150 pounds, is not a, quote, "outrageous eater" . . . and that her "weight gain" was part of a medical issue. (--He says Ashley had "exploratory surgery" for possible endometriosis . . . a gynecological condition where the type of tissue that normally lines the inside of the uterus starts growing outside the uterus. It can be very painful.) (--But probably not as painful as finding out that your dad just explained your gynecological treatments to a celebrity gossip site, while explaining your "weight gain," after some Hollywood types dissed you and called you "too fat.") (--Sometimes life really sucks.) -No one from "Idol" has responded . . . publicly, at least.

 

Video of Kirstie Alley's Latest "Dancing with the Stars" Mishap:

KIRSTIE ALLEY and MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY had another "mishap" during their performance on "Dancing with the Stars" last night . . . but it wasn't as amusing as their tumble last week. --This time, Kirstie's shoe came off during their waltz . . . but she managed to get it back on without disrupting the dance much. (--You can find video, here. You can't really see it come off, but she puts it back on after the twirl 35 seconds in.) (--Afterwards judge CARRIE ANN INABA called Kirstie "the queen of the unexpected mishap" . . . TWICE. I guess it sounded great in her head. Maybe she thought it could be her "winning!", I don't know.)

 

GLAAD Has Honored "I Love You Phillip Morris" and "Project Runway":

The GLAAD Media Awards held their second of three award banquets on Sunday night, and at this one they named "I Love You Phillip Morris" Outstanding Film. (--It's the movie where JIM CARREY and EWAN MCGREGOR play lovers.) --"Project Runway" took home the award for Outstanding Reality Program, and the gay-friendly shows "Glee" and "Modern Family" SHARED the Outstanding Comedy Series award. (--For more info, grab the press release, here.)

 

Pictures from the "Facts of Life" Reunion:

This year's "TV Land Awards" will reunite the casts of "Family Ties", "The Facts of Life", "The Cosby Show" and "Welcome Back, Kotter". --The ceremony taped this past Sunday, and will air this coming Sunday. --The stars who WEREN'T there were: LISA BONET, who's still boycotting "Cosby Show" reunions, and BRIAN BONSALL, who played Andy on "Family Ties". --But for the most part, all the other major cast members of all four shows were there, including former "Welcome Back, Kotter" star JOHN TRAVOLTA. --"Facts of Life" matriarch CHARLOTTE RAE, who played Mrs. Garrett, was there. She'll be celebrating her 85th birthday in two weeks. (--Here are a few pictures of the "Facts of Life" reunion.)

 

Tuesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Jamie Oliver tries out his food revolution in Los Angeles.)

--"Dancing with the Stars" [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"Braxton Family Values" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on WE. (--Toni Braxton is joined by her sisters Traci, Towanda, Trina and Tamara along with their mother Evelyn for this new reality show about their family life.)

--"Deadliest Catch" [7th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Discovery Channel. (--After dealing with the deaths of Captain Phil Harris and crewman Justin Tennison, the men of the Bering Sea return to the king crab season with two new captains and two new boats, the Seabrooke and the Ramblin' Rose.)

--"What Not To Wear" [8th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TLC.

--"Sinbad: It's Just Family" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on WE.

--"Toya: A Family Affair" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on BET. (--A reality show about Lil Wayne's ex-wife, Toya Carter. This is her second reality show. She did that show a few years ago called "Tiny and Toya", with T.I.'s wife.)

--"Sports Show With Norm Macdonald" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on Comedy Central. (--Comedian Norm Macdonald offers his take on the wide world of sports beginning with the Masters golf tournament.)

 

NEW ON VIDEO TODAY

Movies On DVD:

--"Country Strong" - Gwyneth Paltrow plays a country singer trying to revive her career after a stint in rehab. Garrett Hedlund from "TRON: Legacy" is the young stud she turns to on the road, Tim McGraw is her husband/manager, and "Gossip Girl's"
Leighton Meester is her opening act on their tour.

--And on Friday you can pick up "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1". Harry, Ron and Hermione have dropped out of Hogwarts to search for the magical objects that contain the fragments of Voldemort's soul. They split the last book into two movies. Part 2 hits theaters on July 15th.

TV Series On DVD:

--"Man vs. Wild Season 5"
. . . a two-disc DVD set.

--"Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List - Season 3"
. . . a two-disc DVD set.

--"Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List - Season 4"
. . . a three-disc DVD set.

--"Flipping Out: Season 3"
. . . a three-disc DVD set.

--"The Rachel Zoe Project: Season 1"
. . . a two-disc DVD set.

--"The Rachel Zoe Project: Season 2"
. . . a two-disc DVD set.

NEW MUSIC OUT TODAY

--"Wasting Light", Foo Fighters (--Singer Dave Grohl has said that this "could be their heaviest album" yet. He's also said that it has some big pop choruses inspired by ABBA and the Bee Gees. It's streaming at WastingLight.FooFighters.com.) (--The album was produced by Butch Vig. He did Nirvana's "Nevermind".)

--"So Beautiful or So What", Paul Simon (--Paul has said, quote, "It's the best work I've done in 20 years." It's streaming at Stream.SoBeautifulOrSoWhat.com.)

--"Who You Are", Jessie J (--The debut album of a British minx who co-wrote Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A.". Check out her song "Do It Like a Dude" by launching the audio player here. It includes the line: "I can do it like a brotha; Do it like a dude; Grab my crotch; Wear my hat, low like you.")

--"Hurt Love Box", "Dancing with the Stars" pro Mark Ballas

TODAY'S NEW VIDEO GAMES

Game Versions of "Man vs. Wild" and that Parrot Movie "Rio" Hit Stores Today:

--"Rio"
(E) . . . on Xbox360, Wii, PS3 and DS. This multiplayer party game is based off of the new animated movie "Rio". Up to four players can drop in and out of over 40 mini games at any time. (Trailer)

--"MotorStorm: Apocalypse"
(M) . . . on PS3. In this post apocalyptic racing game you can drive 13 classes of vehicles including monster trucks, muscle cars, super bikes and choppers through a city that is crumbling around you the whole time as you experience hundreds of life-like explosions caused by earthquakes and tornados. (Trailer)

--"Man vs. Wild" (T) . . . on Xbox360, PS3, and Wii. Just like on Bear Gryll's show on the Discovery channel you are dropped from a plane and must survive in adverse conditions by starting fires, catching food and crafting tools in order to stay alive as you make your way through five authentic survival tactics. (Trailer)

--"Patapon 3" (E) . . . on PSP. In this rhythm based action game you need to hit the correct combination of buttons to the beat of the in-game music. When you get the button pressing correct the hero of the game will help his people survive in a strange new land. (Trailer)

--"Divinity II: The Dragon Knight Saga" (M) . . . on Xbox360. This epic RPG follows the legendary adventures of the dragon knight. If you want to lock yourself in your basement and kill dragons for an entire week "Divinity II: The Dragon Knight Saga" promises over 100 hours of game play and 180 quests. (Trailer) --Your character, the Dragon Knight, actually transforms into a havoc wrecking, fire breathing dragon. Badass!)

ESRB Game Ratings: (E) for Everyone; (T) for Teen; (M) for Mature (18+)

 

Britney Spears Appears on a Remix of Rihanna's "S&M":

BRITNEY SPEARS appears on a remix of RIHANNA'S song "S&M". It's available on iTunes. (--Or you can check it out, here. ***Note: This version contains audio tags.) --Britney adds a new chorus . . . along with some breathy vocals on the chorus.--In a radio interview . . . (--with Elvis Duran on Z100 out of New York) . . . Rihanna said she'd like to do a video with Britney sometime, but it doesn't sound like anything is in the works yet. She said, quote, "I hope so . . . I want to spank Britney." --And about the remix, Rihanna added, quote, "It's very strange. Britney never does features. It was really amazing that she really wanted to be part of this song. --"She really liked ['S&M'] to begin with, but it was a different story when she had to sing it, and she really wanted to be a part of it. It made it really, really special, because you never see two pop female artists doing songs together anymore."

 

Britney Spears Is Touring with Nicki Minaj:

BRITNEY SPEARS will tour with rapper NICKI MINAJ this summer. Nicki replaces ENRIQUE IGLESIAS, who reportedly backed out of the tour because he wanted it to be a co-headlining tour . . . not a situation where he was opening for Britney. --Britney will make the official announcement later today. The tour kicks off in Sacramento on June 17th and will run up through a show in Toronto on August 13th. --You can find all the dates on BritneySpears.com.)

 

Britney Spears Is Co-Writing a Song for Selena Gomez's Next Album:

BRITNEY SPEARS' rep has confirmed reports that Britney is co-writing a song called "Whiplash" for SELENA GOMEZ'S next album. (--The still untitled disc is supposed to be out June 28th.) --Meanwhile, Selena will perform a tribute to Britney on her summer tour. -Selena tells MTV, quote, "We are working on a few cover songs . . . I wanna do a mash-up of all her songs and just go for it. We're gonna do a little tribute." --It sounds like it's going to be a MEDLEY. Selena explains, quote, "We're gonna do her hits, '… Baby One More Time', and then I think we're going to try to incorporate 'Toxic' and that phase. And then we might do some of her recent, new stuff."

 

Video of Lady Gaga Falling Pretty Hard Onstage:

LADY GAGA wiped out pretty hard during her show in Houston Sunday night. --She fell OFF A PIANO, toppled to the ground, and appeared to bang her head against the ground or the piano as she landed. But apparently, she was OK . . . because she got up and continued singing as if nothing had happened. (--Here's a link to the video.)

 

Matthew Morrison and Gwyneth Paltrow's "Over the Rainbow" Duet:

GWYNETH PALTROW . . . who's almost been making a living guest-starring on "Glee" . . . has recorded a duet with "Glee" star MATTHEW MORRISON. (--He plays Mr. Scheuster.) --It's a cover of "Over the Rainbow", and it hit iTunes today. It'll also be on Matthew's self-titled debut album, which hits stores on May 10th. (--You can check out a preview of the song, here. By the way, Gwyneth's next "Glee" appearance will come on next Tuesday's episode.)

 

Carrie Underwood Does *Not* Consider Herself a Celebrity:

There are two distinct sides to CARRIE UNDERWOOD. There's the celebrity side that you and I see . . . and then there's the normal, boring chick who never does anything interesting. Hey, that's how she describes herself. --Carrie says, quote, "I live the most boring life away from what you see me on camera doing. I never go out to eat. I never do anything. I think that's why I consider myself not a celebrity. I'm a normal person who sings on stage. --"I'm a maid . . . I clean the house. Me as Carrie the person wanders around in sweatpants." Of course, when it's time to be on, Carrie's ready. --She continues, quote, "When I'm on stage, I feel like a performer, and I know people are looking at me and taking pictures and all that stuff, and they're singing along. That part is wonderful. When I have to look like Carrie Underwood, I (do)."

TUESDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

DAVID ARQUETTE isn't concerned that COURTENEY COX went on vacation to St. Barts with her "Cougar Town" co-star JOSH HOPKINS. (Full Story)

 

After her puppy died last week, AMANDA BYNES got a new dog. (Full Story)

 

"Monty Python" star TERRY JONES now says he, quote, "only occasionally found 'Python' funny." (Full Story)

 

STEVE CARELL'S final episode of "The Office" will be 50 minutes long, instead of 30. It airs on April 28th. (Full Story)

 

KELLY RIPA is producing a TV special that'll celebrate the career of her soon-to-be ex-partner, REGIS PHILBIN. (Full Story)

 

There's a movie in the works about the late singer JEFF BUCKLEY . . . who's best known for his cover of LEONARD COHEN'S
"Hallelujah". (Full Story)

Rihanna, the Black Eyed Peas, Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum and Taio Cruz are the first performers announced for the May 22nd "Billboard Music Awards". (Full Story)

 

NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

 

No One Has Any Idea How To Stay Private On Facebook . . . 93% are Sharing Something They Thought Was Private:

There are certain things on Facebook you want the world to see, like photos at your niece's baptism. And there are things you don't want anyone but your close friends to see, like the photos from when you got drunk at the baptism and skinny dipped. --According to a new study, almost none of us have ANY IDEA what we are and aren't making public on our Facebook profiles. -Researchers at Columbia University surveyed students . . . all of whom are younger than us and probably use Facebook more than us, so they SHOULD know how to make Facebook work. --And 93% of them were publicly sharing something they thought was private. 84.6% were hiding something they wanted to share. --EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the survey fell into one or both of those categories. Which means ZERO PERCENT completely understood exactly what they were sharing and hiding on Facebook. --The researchers say the problem isn't with us . . . it's with Facebook. They make their privacy settings incredibly confusing, which makes it almost impossible to set your privacy the way you want it. --Which of course leads to the conclusion: DON'T TRUST FACEBOOK. If you have something you think should be private, it's best not to have it online at all. (Concurring Opinions)

 

The Most Dangerous Thing You Can Do Today Is . . . Sit Down:

You drive to work on roads filled with distracted idiots. You walk in past the smokers and inhale their second-hand smoke. You eat a high-fat breakfast. You look at the ceiling tiles and realize they're still packed with asbestos. --And after all that . . . you still haven't encountered the most life-threatening part of your day. No, that happens when you SIT DOWN. --According to a study out of the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Louisiana, people who sit for most of the day are 54% more likely than other people to DIE of HEART ATTACKS. --That means sitting increases your risk of a heart attack more than any other factor. It doesn't matter if you smoke, exercise, stress out, eat like crap, whatever . . . if you sit for most of the day, your heart attack risk skyrockets. (Yahoo)

 

If You Want a Judge To Show You Leniency . . . Get Your Case Scheduled For Right After Lunch:

If you've got a court case coming up, you're probably hoping to get off easy . . . I mean, SOMEONE was bound to crash into that orphanage eventually, right? --Well, here's a tip: In a new study out of Israel, researchers found that judges were TWICE as likely to give someone a break if their case was the first one after the LUNCH BREAK. So try to get your case scheduled for that slot. --People with the first few cases in the morning also seemed to catch more breaks. But as the morning session got close to lunch . . . and the afternoon session got close to the end of the day . . . the judges got less and less lenient. (Ars Technica)

 

People are Now Getting Fake IDs For Their Dogs?

When you turn 21, it should mean your days of carrying around a FAKE ID are over. And normally it does. Unless you're a PSYCHOTIC PET OWNER. --According to a new report, more and more people are getting fake IDs for their DOGS. --The fake IDs say that the dogs are SERVICE ANIMALS, which means their owners can take them into restaurants, stores, and hotel rooms . . . bring them on planes for free . . . and live with them in apartments or houses that ban pets. --And if you get caught pretending to have a service animal, the penalties probably won't be that bad. In most cases you'll get a fine. If it's an extreme case you might get hit with federal fraud charges, but that's rare. --Of course, there's also the horrible karma that comes with pretending you're handicapped . . . and ultimately, your selfishness here could make things far more difficult down the road for people who truly need service animals. --But if that doesn't persuade you to act like a decent human being . . . a fake ID for your dog costs anywhere from $20 to $300 online. Just to test, we Googled "service dog" and the first page alone had at least three links to not-so-reputable places. --For your money, you get one of those service dog vests, the fake ID, an official-looking certificate . . . and a DVD teaching you how to train your dog to behave like a service dog. --That last part is usually what makes fake service dog schemes fall apart . . . service dogs are extraordinarily well-trained, so if your dog doesn't act perfectly, someone might get suspicious. (Miami Herald)

 

Drunk Driving Arrests In Washington, D.C. are Down 40% This Year . . . Mostly Because They No Longer Have Breathalyzers:

Good news and bad news here out of Washington, D.C. The good news: Drunk driving arrests were down an ENORMOUS 40% in the first quarter of this year compared to the same time last year. --The bad news? It's not because people in D.C. are doing less drunk driving . . . it's because the police don't have breathalyzers anymore. --Because of confusion and ridiculous bureaucracy . . . ridiculous even by D.C. standards . . . the police don't have funding for a breathalyzer test. --Instead, if they want to test someone's blood-alcohol level, they have to get a PEE SAMPLE from the person. --Testing those samples costs about $75. Testing someone with a breathalyzer costs less than $10. --Because of that cost . . . and the extra complications with a pee test . . . police are testing far fewer people for driving drunk. And that's leading to a lot fewer drunk driving arrests. --D.C. is still trying to put together the money to get a breathalyzer system working again. But right now, it looks like they're going to be breath-test free until the middle of NEXT YEAR. (Washington Post)

 

Want To Buy a Million Dollar Diamond Ring? It's At Costco:

Want to be the most impressive man EVER and buy a $1 MILLION diamond engagement ring? Then get in your car and head straight to . . . Costco. --That's right. Costco is now selling a diamond ring . . . that costs ONE MILLION DOLLARS. --It's a 6.77-carat diamond solitaire ring with perfect cut, color, and clarity. And believe it or not, that million dollar price is a bargain . . . based on market value, a ring with a diamond that size should go for $1.6 MILLION. --Costco has been selling engagement rings and other jewelry for years. According to a spokesman, the thought behind adding the million dollar ring was, quote, "Why not? We have upscale customers who know we offer value." --And he's right. The average Costco shopper has a household income of $95,800, which is almost $30,000 more than the average household. Two out of five Costco members have household incomes over six figures a year. --If you want to get the million dollar ring, you should probably hurry . . . Costco only has ONE for sale. (Wallet Pop) (--Here's a link to the page on their website for the million dollar ring.)

 

How Badly Do You Want To Try a Deep-Fried Cadbury Egg?

Easter has just been changed FOREVER. --In England, a restaurant owner named Martyn Bilby has started selling . . . wait for it . . . DEEP-FRIED CADBURY EGGS. And from the pictures, they look incredible. --According to Bilby, each one only has 350 calories. --And if you want to make some at home, the trick is to eat the eggs RIGHT out of the fryer, before the batter gets cold and the egg melts too much and gets soggy. (Daily Mail) (--Here's a photo of a couple deep fried Cadbury eggs.)

 

A Couple in Wisconsin Find a Live Korean War Missile In Their Bathroom Wall:

See, THIS is why I never do home repairs. --Last week, 70-year-old William Wittman of St. Francis, Wisconsin was remodeling his bathroom and went into the wall to pull out some old insulation. While he was in there, he found . . . A MISSILE. --And not just any missile. A LIVE, 20-inch missile from the Korean War era. -He and his wife kept their cool, walked the missile outside, and put it in their detached garage. Then, they called the police. --The bomb squad came, took the missile away, and safely detonated it at the Department of Public Works. Apparently, the entire town could hear the blast. --The Wittmans say that before they owned their home, it was owned by a World War Two veteran. And his sons served in the Korean War. --Quote, "[The] neighbors told us they used to bring souvenirs back from the war." They couldn't explain how he safely managed to bring back a live missile, or why he chose to jam it in the wall. (St. Francis Now)

 

MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Man Hides at a Walgreens After Hours . . . So He Can Drink Their Beer:

You know, of all the reasons to hide in a Walgreens so you can be locked inside alone after hours . . . this MIGHT be the best one. -In Wichita, Kansas, a 25-year-old man whose name wasn't released hid inside a Walgreens until it closed, so he could DRINK THEIR BEER. He ended up triggering the alarm when he walked out of the store, drinking Bud Light. --Police reported to the scene and caught him with a case of Bud Light under his arm. The police say he told them he hid in the store because he wanted to drink and the employees wouldn't sell him beer when the store was open. (FOX 4 - Kansas City)

 

RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

According to a new study in the journal "Pediatrics", people with kids are chubbier than people without kids, because parents tend to neglect their own health. And mothers with kids under five years old eat 368 more calories a day than women without kids. (Full Story)

 

Fewer than a third of parents say they're excellent financial role models for their kids: 31% have considered taking money from their kids' college fund to pay bills . . . 58% have less saved for their child's future than they did two years ago . . . and 46% have cut back on contributions to their kids' savings to pay other bills. (Full Story)

 

Someone did a study on the most common words toy companies use in commercials for boys versus girls. The boy words include battle, power, special forces, armor, and transform . . . while the girl words include love, fun, mommy, magic, glitter, and babies. (Full Story)

 

There's a 103-year-old federal judge in Wichita, Kansas named Wesley Brown . . . and he's still hearing cases from the bench. He's the oldest working federal judge in the nation, and he's one of four judges still on the bench who was appointed by JFK. (Full Story)

 

Not-So-Stupid News: A 35-year-old woman in Tampa has been arrested for child abuse, after she beat a young male relative with a spatula, broke his glasses, choked him, and threatened to kill him . . . after he got an F on his report card. (Full Story)

 

Not-So-Stupid News: A 74-year-old man in Colorado Springs called 911 on Sunday, and said he had a suicide to report. When the operator asked for details, the guy said, quote, "Hold your ears," and shot himself in head. According to police, the man was being treated for several medical conditions. (Full Story)

NAZZY'S VIDEOS OF THE DAY

 

#1.) Tom Brady Cried When He Talked About Getting Drafted . . . Because He Didn't Get Picked Until the Sixth Round:

ESPN ran an interview with TOM BRADY on Sunday, and he started crying when he talked about draft day in 2000 . . . because he didn't get picked until the sixth round. --He also said, quote, "Finally when the Patriots called, I was so excited. I was like, 'I don't have to be an insurance salesman!'" (--Search for "Tom Brady Recalls Draft Day." He starts crying with about 54 seconds left.)

 

#2.) Alec Baldwin and John Krasinski Trash Talk About the Yankees and the Red Sox in a New Ad:

New Era . . . the company that makes baseball hats . . . is running a new ad where ALEC BALDWIN and JOHN KRASINSKI talk trash about the Yankees and the Red Sox. (--Search for "New Era The Trash Talking Begins.")

 

#3.) Check Out the Commercial for "The SlobStopper" . . . an Oversized Bib for Adults:

Apparently drinking coffee while driving is so difficult, someone came up with an invention called the SlobStopper, so you can spill all over yourself and arrive at work without any stains. --And I'm using the word "invention" very loosely here, because it's basically just a huge bib for adults that looks like an apron. (--Search YouTube for "The SlobStopper.")

 

Three Very Basic Things You Won't Believe You're Doing Wrong:

Here's something you might not know: The straight-backed chair has been around for thousands of years, but it's one of the reasons 80% of Americans have back problems. --Basically, we're just not meant to sit at a 90-degree angle, and our bodies are more comfortable either kneeling, reclining, or sitting on a stool or a bench. So you've been sitting wrong your whole life and never knew it. --Here's a list from Cracked.com of three more basic things you won't believe you're doing wrong.

 

#1.) Going to the Bathroom. Humans aren't really designed to go to the bathroom sitting down. We're designed to squat. But modern toilets are getting taller and taller because people think they're more comfortable. --It's actually something doctors have known for a long time: One medical textbook from 1964 said, quote, "the ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position, with the thighs fixed upon the abdomen." --Using modern toilets is actually one of the reasons people get hemorrhoids, but I won't explain why, because it's pretty gross. --If you want to achieve the squatting effect on a standard toilet, all you need are two strategically placed footstools.

 

#2.) Bathing. The gist of it is, we shower too much now, and it washes away the outermost layer of skin, which is called "the horny layer." No, I'm not joking. --The horny layer is basically just dead skin, and it actually protects your living skin from all sorts of diseases. -There's no real consensus on how many times you should shower per week, but it's less than seven. And instead of covering yourself in lather, you're supposed to only use a tiny bit of soap for your entire body.

 

#3.) Breathing. Here's a test: Take a deep breath right now . . . If you're like most people, you raised your shoulders and your chest puffed out a little. --But the PROPER way to breathe is by using your diaphragm, which is under your lungs, closer to your stomach. --When you breathe with your chest, you only use the top part of your lungs, and you get less oxygen, which can lead to headaches, fatigue, anxiety, and even panic attacks. --To practice breathing the RIGHT way, try to "inflate" your stomach when you breathe in, and keep your chest somewhat still. If you practice it enough, your diaphragm will get stronger, and eventually you'll start doing it in your sleep. (Cracked.com)