HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (03-30-11)

Did Mariah Carey Go Into Labor Yesterday? MARIAH CAREY may have gone into labor yesterday. Because early in the evening, NICK CANNON posted the following Tweet . . . --"On a plane back to NY. Praying Dem Babies wait for DADDY to come back b4 they pop out!" Sources Now Say Kevin Federline's Girlfriend Is Five Months Pregnant: There's still no official word, but so-called "sources" say that KEVIN FEDERLINE'S girlfriend, Victoria Prince, is five months pregnant. She and Kevin are said to be, quote, "totally happy." --This will be your man K-Fed's FIFTH child. With BRITNEY SPEARS, he has two sons . . . 5-year-old Sean Preston and 4-year-old Jayden. --And he has two kids with his pre-Britney girlfriend, SHAR JACKSON . . . an 8-year-old daughter named Kori and a 6-year-old son named Kaleb. Pink Says Pregnancy Has Made Her Clumsy: I'm sure a lot of ladies can relate to this: PINK says pregnancy has made her clumsy. She Tweeted, quote, "I am the clumsiest I have ever been in my life. Fell AGAIN today! I feel like my 92 yr old grammom … #dumb." --She added, quote, "I just feel . . . silly. I fell up the stairs." --At least her pregnancy is going better than her mother's. Pink also Tweeted, quote, "My dad drug her by her coat 20 feet hanging from the car door in snow when I was in her tummy." Rob Lowe Reveals What He Thought About the "Brat Pack" In His New Autobiography: ROB LOWE has a new autobiography coming out called "Stories I Only Tell My Friends". --The new issue of "Vanity Fair" includes excerpts from a chapter in which Rob talks about meeting all his new co-stars prior to filming the 1983 classic "The Outsiders". Here are some of his recollections . . . --TOM CRUISE: "He's open, friendly, funny, and has an almost robotic, bloodless focus and an intensity that I've never encountered before . . . [He's] zeroed in like a laser." --PATRICK SWAYZE: "Makes Tom Cruise look lobotomized . . . as cool as you want, wearing tight jeans and a tattered, sleeveless Harley-Davidson T-shirt revealing his massive, ripped arms. (This is his uniform, he never changes it, and if I looked like him, neither would I.)" --DIANE LANE: "At only 16, she already seems like a legend . . . I watch as she breezes by with her chaperone. With all the teen testosterone on this movie, she'll need one!" --MATT DILLON: Lowe describes an incident in which he watched Dillon . . . who was one of the few "Outsiders" cast members who was already an established star . . . pick up a groupie. --He adds, quote, "Matt (effin') Dillon. My hero." --Lowe also talks about CHARLIE SHEEN . . . one of the few future Brat-Packers who WASN'T in "The Outsiders". (--His brother, EMILIO ESTEVEZ, was in it.) --He says that in the late '80s, he and Charlie, quote, "competed to see who could play harder, then show up for work and still kick ass. The verdict: Charlie by a nose." --He also calls Charlie, quote, "one-of-a-kind . . . a Polo preppy clotheshorse in a world of O.P. shorts and surf T-shirts . . . [He was] a wonderful mix of nerd . . . and rebel." --And he remembers being blown away by the Sheens' opulent lifestyle . . . quote, "[It was a] never-ending Häagen-Dazs, brand-new BMWs, a lagoon pool with underwater tunnels, and a lit, professional-grade basketball half-court." (--You can listen to Rob reading an excerpt from the book . . . including the big Matt Dillon hookup story . . . here. WARNING!!! There is unbleeped profanity in this clip.) Did Weird Al Yankovic and Dhani Jones of the Cincinnati Bengals Try Out to be the New Voice of the Aflac Duck? There are probably very few instances in which WEIRD AL YANKOVIC and Cincinnati Bengals linebacker DHANI JONES are competing for the same job. --But the "Wall Street Journal" claims they've both auditioned to be the new voice of the Aflac duck. -Weird Al denies it . . . but Dhani confirms he's trying to get the gig. Like a lot of NFL players, he's worried about a potential players' strike this season . . . so he's looking for a new source of income. --Aflac says that more than 1,000 people have sent in audition videos . . . including a 93-year-old woman. --GILBERT GOTTFRIED had been the voice of the Aflac duck since the year 2000. But they fired him earlier this month, after he Tweeted a dozen insensitive jokes about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. (--If you're interested in the job, you can apply here.) (--On a related note, Gilbert made a HI-larious video from FunnyOrDie.com of Gilbert telling inappropriate jokes TOO SOON at various points in history. Check it out here.) Zsa Zsa Gabor Was Rushed Back to the Hospital Again Last Night: ZSA ZSA GABOR was rushed back to the hospital last night because she was spitting up blood and having trouble breathing. --Her husband, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, told TMZ that he was, quote, "really worried we may lose her this time." (--That's the last we heard about her condition as of late last night.) Elizabeth Taylor Had a Genetic Mutation . . . That Made Her Even More Beautiful: Here's something you probably didn't know about ELIZABETH TAYLOR: She had a GENETIC MUTATION. But it wasn't anything freaky like a third arm or a second uterus. It was actually something that made her even more beautiful than she already was. --According to the 2006 biography "Elizabeth", by J. Randy Taraborrelli, Liz had double rows of eyelashes . . . which enhanced her already-gorgeous eyes. --An extra row of eyelashes is a condition known as distichiasis. Eye specialists also refer to it as an "accessory row" of lashes. It can cause eye irritation . . . but there's no word if it ever bothered Elizabeth. --It's said to occur as a result of a mutation of the "FOXC2" gene. (--You can insert your own "Foxy" joke here.) Jackie Chan Is Not Dead: There's a report going around that JACKIE CHAN died of a heart attack. He didn't. --A note on his Facebook page says, quote, "Jackie is alive and well . . . [He] is fine and is busy preparing for the filming of his next movie." Did Denise Richards Increase Her Security Because of Charlie Sheen's Threats? DENISE RICHARDS has reportedly beefed up her security after being threatened on Twitter by CHARLIE SHEEN over those two dogs she allegedly "stole" from him. --A source says, quote, "Denise and her girls live a simple life. She wants Sam and Lola to have normal lives, but after the recent threats and verbal attacks, she has increased her security. --"When you are dealing with a mad man, it's better to be safe than sorry." Why Is Charlie Sheen Working with Snoop Dogg and the Guitarist from Filter? CHARLIE SHEEN posted a picture on Twitter recently of himself with SNOOP DOGG and FILTER guitarist ROBERT PATTERSON. (--You can see it here.) --The picture was captioned, quote, "Warlock meets his makers-music makers that is @SnoopDog @robpatterson666 get ready to rock the Sheenius within!" -So what's the deal? Frankly, we don't know. What we do know is that Patterson is going out on tour with Charlie as his "musical director". So if the three of them were recording something, it was probably for his live shows. (--By the way . . . Here's a news report claiming that no hotels in New York City want to put Charlie up when he goes there to do his comedy shows.) Lindsay Lohan Will Not Be Charged For that Scuffle At the Betty Ford Clinic: Remember when LINDSAY LOHAN snuck out of the Betty Ford Clinic last December . . . then allegedly got into a scuffle with a female employee while she was breaking back in? --Well, that case is officially closed. The D.A. dropped it due to insufficient evidence. Here's one reason they probably didn't have enough evidence: The alleged victim, Dawn Holland, didn't want Lindsay prosecuted. Lindsay Lohan Left Samantha Ronson's House . . . Clutching an "I Love You" Bear: Forget about those pictures we saw the other day of SAMANTHA RONSON kissing another chick. --Monday morning at about 4:00 A.M., LINDSAY LOHAN was seen leaving Sam's house clutching a teddy bear. And not just any bear. This bear was holding a heart with the words "I Love You" stitched on it. (--Check out the pics here.) Jennifer Garner is the New Miss Marple: Disney recently announced it was going to revive the classic crime-solving character Miss Marple. --For those of you who don't know, Miss Marple was the creation of author AGATHA CHRISTIE. She was an old British spinster-type who went around, well, solving crimes. (--Because that's what crime-solvers do, ya know.) --You could probably say she was the prototype for ANGELA LANSBURY'S character in "Murder, She Wrote". --Yesterday they announced who would play the new Miss Marple. And you'll never guess who it is: JENNIFER GARNER. --Obviously, they're "rebooting" the character, and making her younger. (--And no doubt sexier.) (--As usual, all that's happening here is that a Hollywood studio is taking an established franchise and changing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.) (--I don't know how many Miss Marple fans we might have out there . . . but if there's even a single one, and your hands aren't too arthritic to dial a phone, call and tell us if you approve of this.) "Just Go With It" Is the 12th Adam Sandler Movie to Surpass $100 Million at the Box Office: Say what you want about ADAM SANDLER movies. Because even if your words make him cry, he can cry into HUGE BAGS OF MONEY. --His latest movie, "Just Go With It", just became the 12th Adam Sandler flick to surpass the $100 million mark at the U.S. box office. --The others are "The Waterboy", "Big Daddy", "Mr. Deeds", "Anger Management", "50 First Dates", "The Longest Yard", "Click" . . . --"I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry", "You Don't Mess with the Zohan", "Bedtime Stories" and "Grown Ups". Hailee Steinfeld from "True Grit" Will Play Sleeping Beauty: 14-year-old Oscar nominee HAILEE STEINFELD of "True Grit" fame will star in a new version of "Sleeping Beauty". --This one will be told from her character's perspective. Instead of just laying there waiting to be rescued by the prince, she has to escape some kind of dangerous dream world inside her head. Rosie O'Donnell's New Talk Show Will Take Over Oprah's Old Studio: If you woke up this morning wondering where ROSIE O'DONNELL'S upcoming talk show will be taped . . . well, what a coincidence . . . we have the answer: It'll take over OPRAH WINFREY'S studio in Chicago. --Rosie made the announcement in a video blog. She said, quote, "I just wanted to say: 'Hi, I'm coming to Chicago.' Yes, I am, and I'm thrilled about it. And I get to work with all of you, who have created magnificent television for two decades-plus. --"Thank you, Oprah. And thank all you people there. Some of you are going to be sticking around and helping us make a kick-ass show for the Oprah Winfrey Network." (--You can watch the video, here.) --This isn't exactly a shocker . . . since we knew Rosie's show was going to be one of the centerpieces on OWN this fall . . . but it's notable that she'll inherit a lot of the resources from "The Oprah Winfrey Show". --Both in the studio itself, and the production staff. (--"Oprah" wraps on May 25th.) --Just in case there's any doubt about Oprah's commitment to Rosie, there's this: OWN has already ordered 130 episodes of Rosie's show. At five episodes per week, that's 26 weeks of shows . . . or six months. --There's still no name or premiere date, but Rosie has said that it'll be less celebrity-focused than her previous talk show. Instead, it sounds more like "The Oprah Winfrey Show" . . . in that it'll be about, quote, "real people and real issues." "Mad Men" Won't Be Back Until *Next* Year: It's official: "Mad Men" will not be back this summer . . . but it WILL be back. --Yesterday, AMC announced that they've signed off on a fifth season, but it won't premiere until March of next year. (--Each of the previous four seasons have run from mid-summer through October.) --AMC's prolonged contract negotiations with creator Matt Weiner caused the delay. (--According to Deadline.com, the negotiations weren't all about money, although Weiner will reportedly make $30 million over the next two years.) (--AMC wanted to add product placement into the show, cut two minutes from each episode for more commercial time, and drop two cast members to save money. Weiner objected to all that. It's unclear HOW or IF the issues were resolved.) The Season Premiere of "Dancing with the Stars" Wasn't Quite Able to Beat "American Idol": 22.7 million people tuned in to last week's season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars". But that was only good enough for 2nd place, behind Wednesday's "American Idol" performance show, which had almost 24 million viewers. (--Interestingly enough, more homes were tuned into the "Dancing" premiere, but more people per household were watching "Idol", so it wound up with more viewers.) 1.) Wednesday's "American Idol" performance show, Fox, 23.9 million viewers 2.) The 12th season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars", ABC, 22.7 million viewers 3.) Thursday's "American Idol" results show, Fox, 21.3 million viewers Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.) --"American Idol" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Songs from the '80s are this week's theme.) --"Survivor: Redemption Island" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Stephanie fights to stay in the game by breaking Matt's winning streak as they duel on Redemption Island. He's got four successful duels under his belt so far.) --"America's Next Top Model" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW. (--Sonia Dara, who you may remember from last year's "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue", is the guest judge when the contestants pose in mud for their photo shoot.) --"The Ultimate Fighter" [13th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Spike TV. (--Brock Lesnar and Junior Dos Santos provide guidance for 14 welterweights vying for a six-figure UFC contract.) --"Dog the Bounty Hunter" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on A&E. (--Dog requests the help of a fugitive's siblings in order to capture him.) --"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Jeremy Irons plays a psychologist who teams up with Benson and Stabler to find the killer of a young girl. "Lost's" Elizabeth Mitchell plays her piano teacher.) --"Coal" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Spike TV. (--A new reality series from the creators of "Deadliest Catch" and "Ice Road Truckers". This one focuses on a West Virginia coal-mining operation.) --"Tyler Perry's House of Payne" [7th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TBS. --"Top Chef: All Stars" [8th Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo. Britney Spears Is *Not* Touring with Enrique Iglesias: BRITNEY SPEARS announced that she'd be touring with ENRIQUE IGLESIAS during a pre-taped appearance on "Good Morning America" yesterday, but that won't be happening after all. --Enrique's rep released a statement last night saying, quote, "Unfortunately, Enrique Iglesias and Britney Spears will not be touring together. Enrique has great respect for Britney and is a longtime fan of her work. He's very sorry for the confusion this might have caused to anyone." --It's unclear what happened. There's talk that Enrique bailed because he wanted it to be a co-headlining tour, and that wasn't going to be the case. --There was also speculation that Enrique wanted more money. Britney's camp hasn't commented, and neither has tour promoter Live Nation. --According to BritneySpears.com, Britney will be on the road from June 17th in Sacramento through August 13th in Toronto. (--Check out all the dates, here.) --Britney performed three songs off her new album on "Good Morning America" . . . "Hold It Against Me", a medley of her hits with the new song "Big Fat Bass", and her single "Till the World Ends". (--You can watch the whole concert, here.) (--Personally, Britney seems out of shape and sort of listless . . . also the singing is too perfect and high-energy for the low-energy body movements, so you know what that means: Yup, she's lip-synching, as usual.) (--That's not surprising. Britney isn't exactly known for, well, performing live.) The Latest Van Halen Rumor: They're in the Mixing Stage! Since there still isn't any OFFICIAL word on VAN HALEN'S phantom new album with DAVID LEE ROTH . . . we're forced to stick with the UNOFFICIAL word. --Here's the latest: A fan site called Van Halen News Desk claims the album is "nearing completion." --They quoted "That Metal Show" host EDDIE TRUNK, who Tweeted: "On the rock gossip wire I heard two reports today from reliable sources: VH album is close to done and will come out this year. Label [to be determined]." --Of course, since Eddie attributed his comment to the "rock gossip" scene, there's also the possibility that this site is just using Eddie's Tweet to "confirm" its own Van Halen speculation. (--A possible case of rock gossip incest, if you will.) --The fan site adds, quote, "This matches up perfectly with what we heard from a trusted source at the beginning of March . . . that the recording process is going great and the band is starting to mix the new tracks. --"Also, from another reliable source of ours today, we hear that this fall is the most probable time that the album will be released and a tour will begin." The Classic Hole Lineup Reunited at a Documentary Premiere: COURTNEY LOVE and the classic HOLE lineup reunited in New York on Monday night, at a screening of a rock documentary called "Hit So Hard". It's about the life of former Hole drummer Patty SchemeL. --Aside from Courtney and Patty, this "reunion" featured guitarist ERIC ERLANDSON and bassist Melissa Auf der Maur. (--Both of whom, for the record, did not approve of Courtney releasing "Nobody's Daughter" as a "Hole" album in 2009.) --This was the first time in 13 years that the four of them got together . . . publicly, at least. They were all in Hole from 1994 to 1997, during the big "Live Through This" era. (--Here's a picture of them together.) --So does this mean there could be a reunion on the horizon? Maybe. Melissa and Patty said that it hasn't really been discussed, but they could be down. --And here's what Courtney said: Quote, "I do want to say that if something's not relevant, I don't want to do it. As much [as] I love Patty, and I would play with her in five seconds, but if it's not moving forward, I don't want to do it. That's just my thing. --"If it's not miserable, and it's going forward, and I'm happy with it, that's all I have to say about that." (--In other words, she's not resuscitating the mid-'90s Hole just to go around playing "Live Through This" on tour.) WEDNESDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS There's supposedly a video going around that depicts "Dancing With the Stars" contestant CHELSEA KANE snorting cocaine. But the faces in the video are pixilated, and Chelsea says it's NOT her. (Full Story) GEORGE CLOONEY is on the list of potential witnesses in the prostitution trial of Italian Prime Minister SILVIO BERLUSCONI. But apparently only because he and his girlfriend attended one of Berlusconi's parties. (Full Story) Bisexual actor FARLEY GRANGER . . . who starred in the Alfred Hitchcock films "Rope" and "Strangers on a Train" . . . has died at the age of 85. (Full Story) Colorado Rockies first baseman JASON GIAMBI testified at the BARRY BONDS trial yesterday that he also received performance-enhancing drugs from Barry's trainer. (Full Story) THE GAY AVENGER . . . champion of the Premier Gay Wrestling federation . . . is upset that WWE announcer MICHAEL COLE wasn't fired for using a gay slur on Twitter. (Full Story) There might be some risqué pictures of CHRISTINA AGUILERA out there, after someone found a memory card from her camera in a French hotel room. But it doesn't sound like there's anything too incriminating. (Full Story) Pixar's new "Monsters Inc." movie will be a PREQUEL called "Monster University". (Full Story) KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN made her soap opera debut on "One Life to Life" on Monday. She played personal injury attorney Kassandra Kavanaugh, "with two Ks." (Video) The NBC charity special featuring former Presidents George H.W. Bush and BILL CLINTON bombed in the ratings on Monday night. It only drew 4.2 million viewers. In retrospect, you can kinda see how the concept wasn't exactly a guaranteed ratings bonanza. (Full Story) NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF A 10-Year-Old and His Seven-Year-Old Sister Save Their Babysitter's Life: Yesterday, police in Darien, Connecticut released a 911 call from January and it's pretty incredible. --Back on January 26th, 7-year-old Nina Stoop and her brother, 10-year-old Tucker Stoop, were home alone with their babysitter, Nadia Maldonado. Suddenly, Nadia, the babysitter, stopped breathing. --Nina knew something was wrong so she got her older brother. And he called 911. --Through the two-minute call it's clear that he's scared but he keeps INCREDIBLE composure . . . answers the dispatcher's questions . . . and even calls him "sir" before he asks if he can call his dad. --The kids were right . . . Nadia was suffering from respiratory distress. If Tucker hadn't called 911, doctors say she probably would've died. --The police department in Darien is holding a special ceremony tomorrow to give lifesaving awards to Tucker and Nina. (Darien Patch) When You Get Dumped, It Triggers the Same Part of the Brain as Getting Punched In the Face: According to a new study, when you get dumped, it triggers a special area of your brain. And no, despite the evidence to the contrary, it's not the area of your brain that suddenly makes you want to listen to AIR SUPPLY. --Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that getting dumped triggers the same part of the brain as getting PUNCHED IN THE FACE. --The region of the brain that responds to physical pain overlaps with the region that responds to social rejection. So when you feel severe physical pain or severe emotional pain, your brain interprets them the same way. --Ethan Kross is a psychology professor who led the study. He says, quote, "These results give new meaning to the idea that rejection 'hurts.' It's not [just] a metaphor." (Yahoo News) The Age When the Average Woman Officially Turns Into Her Mother Is . . . 32: As a woman, no matter how much you think it'll NEVER happen to you . . . one day you're going to wake up and realize you've turned into your MOTHER. A new survey has tried to pinpoint exactly WHEN that's going to happen. --In the survey by Hallmark, the average woman says she turned into her mother at age . . . 32. --The most common sign that you've become your mother is that you find yourself WORRYING MORE. The other common signs are stocking up on groceries, going to bed early, being more outspoken, and watching soap operas. --Two out of five women say they've also found themselves talking to their children with phrases that their mother used with them. -25% of women say they've accepted that they've turned into their mother. 15% say they're actually HAPPY about it . . . 17% are miserable about it and say they will keep on fighting it until the day they die. --One more finding from the study: One-third of MEN also say that THEY'VE turned into their mothers. (PR Newswire) Need a Fake Reference For a Job or Apartment Search? Check Out This Completely Shady Website: This seems incredibly risky to me . . . like, if you get caught, you're SCREWED . . . but if you're desperate enough or sketchy enough, it might appeal to you. --It's a website called CareerExcuse.com and they'll provide you with a FAKE REFERENCE for a job or apartment search. You get an 800 number to a fake company, the HR rep or landlord can call, and they'll give you a glowing reference. --Their packages start at $85 and go up from there. For more money you can get a unique 800 number, pick the name of their fake company, and make sure a live receptionist answers the call. (CareerExcuse.com) People Who Cheat On Their Taxes are Also More Likely To Steal From Their Kid's Piggy Bank: This seems fairly obvious, and now it's official . . . if you're the kind of person who makes up tons of lies when you're doing your taxes, you're probably the kind of person who has trouble being moral in other aspects of life, too. --A new survey by DDB Worldwide Communications Group tried to figure out the profile of the average tax cheat. Here's what they found. --The tax cheat is probably a man. 64% of the people who admit to cheating on their taxes are male. --He's probably younger. 55% are under age 45. --He has a grotesque sense of entitlement. Tax cheats were FAR more likely than non-cheats to agree with the statements "I'm an overall better person" than the average person and "I'm special and deserve to be treated that way." --He doesn't show ethics anywhere. Tax cheats are more likely to keep the extra money if a cashier gives them the wrong change . . . pretend a friend is a former boss for a reference check . . . and keep a $20 bill they SEE someone drop. --He'd even steal from his kids. 28% of tax cheats say they'd steal money from their kid's piggy bank, versus 3% of non-cheats. --He's probably living paycheck to paycheck. 42% of tax cheats say they're one paycheck away from DISASTER, versus 29% of non-tax cheats. (Yahoo News) These High Gas Prices Could Save Tens of Thousands of Lives and Tens of Billions of Dollars in Healthcare: And now, it's time for us to do the requisite story about how high gas prices aren't 100% bad news. So remember what we're about to say when you're paying $5.50 a gallon in July. --High gas prices save lives. For every $1 rise in gas prices, approximately 11,000 American lives are saved. That's a combo of fewer car accidents and more people getting healthy by walking. --High gas prices save money . . . just not your money. Every $1 rise in gas prices saves $11 BILLION in healthcare costs per year. That's because the $1 increase can lead to a 10% drop in obesity rates. --High gas prices lead to better roads. Higher gas prices bring in higher taxes, which many states put into improving their roads and other forms of transportation. --High gas prices lead to cleaner air. Fewer cars on the road equals fewer emissions. --High gas prices help hobos. When gas prices went up a few years ago, people started taking trains again, since they're cheap and efficient. And who loves trains? Hobos who ride the rails. This is big for them. Oh, and Amtrak too, I guess. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) MEATBALL CRIMINALS In Utah, a Man Tries To Save His House By Lighting His Car On Fire . . . and Ends Up In Jail: Last July, John Maxim of Salt Lake City, Utah was about to lose his house, so he came up with a scheme. --He needed to raise $15,000 to keep the bank from foreclosing, so he went online and announced that if people donated the money, he would set his 1993 Ford Escort ON FIRE. And everyone who donated could watch a video of the fire. --His theory? Quote, "I figure in a country where OPRAH can just give people cars [and] Lehman Brothers can get bailed out by our government . . . perhaps there are enough people out there who'd pay to see some desperate sap light his car on fire." --And he was right. Over the course of four days, 387 people donated more than enough for him to keep his house. --John held up his end of the bargain, too. He went to a campground and, in the middle of the night, he set his car on fire. --There was only one problem. That campground was at Lone Rock in Toole County, Utah . . . which is federal land. You can't set big fires there. And the Bureau of Land Management investigated John . . . and had him arrested. --Last week he pled guilty to creating a hazard and starting a fire other than a campfire . . . and paid $3,413 in fines. --Apparently he had the money and didn't need to come up with another scheme to raise the money to pay the fines that resulted from his first scheme. (Jalopnik) A Woman Who's Facing Prison Time For Forged Prescriptions Tries To Delay Her Sentencing With . . . a Forged Doctor's Note: When you're clearly HORRIBLE at forgeries . . . but you just keep on forging . . . eventually, THIS is going to happen to you. --Back in January, 41-year-old Michelle Elaine Astumian of San Luis Obispo, California was convicted for forging drug prescriptions AND paying for those prescriptions using a forged check. --She was looking at almost five years in prison at her sentencing. And she was due to be sentenced on Monday. --So Michelle showed up to the sentencing and asked the judge to delay it. And she even gave him a doctor's note showing that, for health reasons, she couldn't go to prison right now. --Well, as you might have guessed . . . YES, that doctor's note was ALSO forged. --As soon as she pulled it out, the prosecutor called the doctor on the note, who told him it was a forgery. --That's when Michelle collapsed onto the floor of the courtroom. She was taken to a hospital to be checked out . . . so her sentencing WILL be delayed a few extra days. She's also looking at a new forgery charge now. (San Francisco Chronicle) RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS More bad news for rich people. Can they ever get a break? A new survey finds they are twice as likely to hate flying than the rest of us. (Full story) We've seen services like this before, but this one's new. It's called Cloud Girlfriend and they'll set up a Facebook page for a fake girlfriend for you so you can change your status to "In a Relationship". (Full story) Using GPS data, a company has calculated the worst commutes in the country. Congratulations, Riverside, California . . . you've got the worst freeway of all. (Full story) Haven't the Japanese quake victims suffered enough? Now it's gotten even worse . . . Crocs has donated 100,000 pairs of horrible shoes to them. (Full story) People can hide drugs in ANYTHING. A jail in New Jersey caught people smuggling drugs to prisoners by melting them down and using them to color in Disney coloring books. (Full story) Volkswagen is recalling about 71,000 Jettas because of a wiring problem that can make the car shut off when you honk the horn. (Full story) The Five Worst Reasons to Have a Baby: There are a lot of good reasons to have kids. But the website Babble.com decided to be a little more pessimistic about it. Here are the five WORST reasons to have a baby. #1.) Because You Want Unconditional Love. Sure, your kid will probably love you, but it'll also cry, throw tantrums, and need constant attention. So if you just want something to love you unconditionally, try a puppy first. #2.) Because You Think It'll Save Your Marriage. It might work in the short term, but if you're already having problems, there's a good chance that having a baby will just put even MORE strain on your relationship, especially as the child gets older. --And if you eventually decide to get a divorce, it'll make things much more complicated and painful. #3.) Because You're Sick of Your Parents Nagging You About It. Remember, they won't be the ones doing all the work and dealing with the added stress. -And if you're not ready for a baby yet, taking care of one will be much more annoying than dealing with your mom's nagging. #4.) Because Your Brother or Sister Had a Kid, and Now They Get All the Attention. First of all, there's no guarantee that having a baby will change anything, because your parents might end up favoring the first-born grandchild no matter what. --Plus, having a baby is irreversible. So sibling rivalry should have NOTHING to do with your decision. #5.) You Think Having a Baby Will Make You Less Selfish. If you'd describe yourself as somewhat self-centered, then having a kid might not change you. It might just make you unhappy. --That's not to say that having a baby won't change your priorities AT ALL. But you shouldn't have a kid just to fix something about yourself. (Babble.com) Hot Jobs Map eBay Classifieds has created a cool hot jobs map of America that shows which states in the U.S. are the best to find employment. Reports show that 190,000 new jobs were created in February, and eBay Classifieds show where they are. eBay Classifieds looked at personal income per capita, unemployment rates, and crime rates in each state to determine which states have the most buoyant economies in this still difficult economic climate. Then they researched the largest and fastest-growing occupations in each state to come up with their map. Here’s some of what they found: New Hampshire: New Hampshire has the lowest crime rates in the country, the 4th lowest unemployment rates, and the 9th highest personal income per capita, making it the most economically buoyant state in the country. New York: New York City’s median salary, $64,535, is lower than 10 other states’ highest median salaries. Connecticut: Connecticut has the highest personal income per capita in the country, at $56,556. Maryland: Fans of The Wire will be unsurprised to learn that although parts of Maryland are very wealthy, the state has the 7th highest crime rates in the country. Rhode Island: Rhode Island has the 15th highest personal income per capita figures, as well as 18th lowest crime rates, but its high unemployment figures (46th) keep it in the middle of the pack. California: Sunnyvale has the highest median salary of all the states’ highest paying cities, but California’s high unemployment rates (12.9%, or 3.1% higher than the national average) means it’s not as economically buoyant overall as other states. South Carolina: South Carolina has the fifth highest unemployment rates, the third highest crime rates, and the fourth lowest per capita income. Still, its city with the highest median income, Aiken, has a higher median income than 18 other states’. To see the map click on http://blog.ebayclassifieds.com/2011/03/17/state-of-jobs.