HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (03-28-11)

SHOWBIZ SEX Reese Witherspoon Got Married Saturday Night: REESE WITHERSPOON got married at her estate in Ojai, California on Saturday night. Her new husband is showbiz agent Jim Toth. He's 40 . . . Reese is 35. Reese and Jim started dating in January of 2010. They got engaged in December. --This was probably one of the most star-studded weddings in quite some time. Guests included Renee Zellweger, Tobey Maguire, Robert Downey Jr., Alyssa Milano, plus Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson. (--Who are still not officially a couple, of course.) --11-year-old Ava and 7-year-old Deacon . . . Reese's kids with first husband RYAN PHILLIPPE . . . were there, too. --Part of Reese's pre-wedding prep included apologizing in advance to her neighbors for the chaos that was about to ensue. --A source says, quote, "Reese sent nice personalized letters to all the neighbors last week. --"She informed us that she and Jim were having their wedding at her home and apologized ahead of time for all the construction and all the cargo trucks that would be coming in and out of the community." Mariah Carey Had Contractions This Weekend . . . But It Was a False Alarm: MARIAH CAREY was rushed to the hospital late Saturday night after she started having contractions. But it was just a false alarm. --On Sunday . . . which was Mariah's 42nd birthday . . . she Tweeted, quote, "So #dembabies really wanted 2 celebrate w/us/share the anniversary! I started having contractions last night…went 2 the hospital." --After doctors got everything under control and sent her home, she added, quote, "They almost came on 3/27- happy anniversary in deed!!! We have a few more weeks 2 go but- wow!!!: )" --As usual, if you're confused by what Mariah is saying, it just means you're normal. Yesterday was NOT Mariah and NICK CANNON'S anniversary. That's April 30th. --So it appears that calling her birthday an anniversary is just another one of those weird, inexplicable and vaguely self-centered things Mariah does. Matt Damon Says Kissing Michael Douglas Will Be Like Transitively Kissing Catherine Zeta-Jones: You know the old saying, "When you sleep with someone, you're having sex with everyone THEY'VE had sex with", right? Well, apparently that works with KISSING, too. --MATT DAMON will be sucking face with MICHAEL DOUGLAS in the upcoming LIBERACE movie. (--Michael plays Liberace . . . Matt plays his gay lover.) --And as far as Matt is concerned, that just means he gets to kiss CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, too. --He says, quote, "I kind of think of it in algebra terms, back to my high-school days. It's like the transitive property . . . by kissing Michael Douglas, I am making out with Catherine." --Matt and Catherine appeared in "Ocean's Twelve" together, but he didn't get a shot at her. --He says, quote, "I was actually kind of upset that I never got to kiss Catherine, but now I get to kiss Michael. I thought it would have been better if I could have at least kissed them both." Is Lindsay Lohan Dropping the "Lohan" From Her Name . . . and Just Going By "Lindsay" From Now On? LINDSAY LOHAN has decided that she doesn't want her father's name anymore. And neither does her mother or her little sister. --DINA LOHAN says, quote, "Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan." --A source adds, quote, "So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyoncé. Now you can add Lindsay to that list. --"And it's a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay's father anymore and that includes sharing a last name." --How does Lindsay's dad, MICHAEL LOHAN, feel about all this? He's not a fan of the idea, but ultimately, he doesn't think it's happening. --He says, quote, "At the outset, it hurts to hear something like that, but at the end of the day, it's never going to happen. It's a real shame Dina would make up this kind of story. --"From the time she came out to California, she's tried to put a wedge between Lindsay and me. Every time she comes around, she tries to put a wedge, and it's only harmful to Lindsay and the children. This family needs therapy." --Michael . . . who was arrested last week for allegedly assaulting his ex-fiancée . . . says, quote, "I'm proud of the Lohan name. It's a name of integrity. --"We all had very successful jobs on Wall Street. My father was an unbelievable provider. My sisters are pillars of the community. There's not a blemish in my family outside of me." The Window Chris Brown Broke Cost More than $2,000 to Replace: The window that CHRIS BROWN broke backstage at "Good Morning America" last week cost $2,055.36 to replace. --That's $583.26 for the glass, and $1,472.10 for labor. (--It took three guys five hours to do it. Sounds like a union job to me.) A company called Philip Kaplan Glass Works did the job. --RadarOnline.com says Chris offered to pay for the window, but ABC turned him down. (--Talk about being an enabler. They refuse to prosecute or even make him pay for the damage he caused. Why? Because they want him back for an EXCLUSIVE, no doubt.) (--See Chris Brown's first interview since breaking a window. ONLY ON "20/20"!) (???) (--There are even sources that claim ABC is trying to take this to another level by orchestrating the first sit-down co-interview between Chris and RIHANNA. Yeah, no exploitation going on there.) --In related news, Chris Brown's publicist Tammy Brook resigned late last week. But it supposedly had nothing to do with his tantrum. --She claims she was hired to do publicity for him in the run-up to the release of his new album . . . which came out last Tuesday. Celebrity Ghost Stories - #1: A Ghost Once Popped Out of Demi Lovato's Closet: This just in: DEMI LOVATO believes in ghosts . . . because she's seen one up close. Some paparazzi moron decided to ask Demi about the ghost that supposedly haunts the "American Idol" mansion. --But Demi countered with a ghost story of her own. She said, quote, "I've seen a ghost before. It was creepy, it was in my closet when I was, like, eight and it scared me to death. --"It just, it popped out." (--Check out the video here.) Celebrity Ghost Stories - #2: Ben Stiller Has Lived in Two Haunted Houses: BEN STILLER and his wife CHRISTINE TAYLOR recently moved to New York City so he could do a Broadway play. And Ben is worried that their new digs may be HAUNTED. --He says, quote, "I have a little thing with quietness and spirits. I'm aware of ghosts. I sort of believe in ghosts, and my wife doesn't; she's afraid of axe murders." --The reason Ben is "aware" of ghosts is because he's already lived in TWO haunted houses. --He says, quote, "We rented a house in Los Angeles a few years ago, that something had gone on in, because the caretaker of the house was a little bit loopy. --"She had called to check on us a few days in and she said, 'How's it going? Have you had any experiences?' --"And I said 'No', and she goes 'Well . . . when I stayed there every morning I woke up at 4:43 A.M. for three weeks straight. And I got buzzed on the intercom a few times and I heard a few doors slam. --"And then one morning at about 4:48 in the morning I heard a party going on downstairs, a full on party with Charleston music playing and people mingling." --And his parents, JERRY STILLER and ANNE MEARA, once rented a place in Nantucket that was supposedly haunted by a baby named Stanley Benjamin. (???) (--Despite being "aware" of ghosts and being in their presence on several occasions, Ben says he's never actually seen one.) Is Bobbi Kristina Brown Getting Her Own Reality Show? BOBBI KRISTINA BROWN may follow in her parents' footsteps by getting her own REALITY SHOW. Just the other day, she Tweeted that she was taking meetings about getting a show. --And she added, quote, "The world needs 2know me 4who I REALLY am. U all will get 2 see my every day living, walk with me thro startin my career..EVERYTHING." --She added, quote, "I would only want to do this reality show so THEWORLD can know me for me. The GODfearing young, classy. outgoing, silly, REAL women iAM." --However . . . a rep for WHITNEY HOUSTON says Bobbi is NOT doing a reality show. A Movie Is Being Made About the Oldest Cheerleader in the NFL: Quick quiz: How old do you think the oldest cheerleader in the NFL is? 26? 30? 36? Wrong, wrong and wrong. --She's 42! --Her name is LAURA VIKMANIS, and she cheers for the Cincinnati Bengals. And New Line Cinema is doing a movie about her. --Laura decided to try out for the team at the age of 39 . . . after her husband left her for a younger woman. --She didn't make it, so she kept working out . . . and she made it the following year, when she was 40. A Ballerina Has Come Forward to Claim That She Did Most of Natalie Portman's Dancing in "Black Swan": The ballerina who worked as NATALIE PORTMAN'S double on "Black Swan" claims that she did the vast majority of the dancing. --27-year-old Sarah Lane was hired to perform many of the more difficult ballet moves . . . and Natalie's face was digitally grafted onto her body. But she claims there's a COVER-UP as to how much more of the dancing she did. --She says, quote, "Of the full body shots, I would say 5% are Natalie. All the other shots are me." --She also says she was told by producers not to talk about how much of the dancing she did. -She said, quote, "They wanted to create this idea in people's minds that Natalie was some kind of prodigy or so gifted in dance and really worked so hard to make herself a ballerina in a year and a half for the movie, basically because of the Oscar. -"It is demeaning to the profession and not just to me. I've been doing this for 22 years . . . Can you become a concert pianist in a year and a half, even if you're a movie star?" (--Natalie DID win the Oscar for Best Actress this year.) --In a "Los Angeles Times" article last week, "Black Swan" choreographer Benjamin Millepied said Natalie did 85% of the work. --Of course, he's probably a little biased, since Natalie is currently carrying his baby and wearing an engagement ring he bought her. --Lane says she's not coming forward out of jealousy . . . she just wants her work to be recognized. She says, quote, "Natalie] is an amazing actress, for sure. I know that it's not a personal thing against me. --"I know that it's just a political thing. It's just unfortunate that I kind of lost credit." --But Fox Searchlight . . . the studio that made the movie . . . is denying her claim. Here's their statement . . . quote, "We were fortunate to have Sarah there to cover the more complicated dance sequences and we have nothing but praise for the hard work she did. --"However, Natalie herself did most of the dancing featured in the final film." Amy Adams Will Play Lois Lane in the New Superman Movie . . . and Viggo Mortensen Might Join the Cast, Too: AMY ADAMS has been cast as Lois Lane in the new Superman movie, "Superman: Man of Steel". --Meanwhile, it's looking more and more like VIGGO MORTENSEN will jump in to play the villain General Zod. As of now, negotiations for Viggo to play the Huntsman in "Snow White and the Huntsman" have broken down. --HENRY CAVILL from the Showtime series "The Tudors" is playing Clark Kent (slash) Superman. KEVIN COSTNER and DIANE LANE are playing his "Earth parents", John and Martha Kent. --It's being directed by ZACK SNYDER, who also did "Watchmen", "300" and "Sucker Punch" . . . which debuted this weekend at #2 at the box office with $19 million. (--It lost out to the sequel to "Diary of a Wimpy Kid". Maybe that's not such a good omen.) (--But it's being produced by Christopher Nolan and written by David Goyer . . . two of the main guys behind "Batman Begins", "The Dark Knight" and the upcoming third installment, "The Dark Knight Rises".) "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" Beat "Sucker Punch" at the Box Office: "Sucker Punch" is loaded with special effects and cost over $80 million to make, but it's still got a way to go before it breaks even at the box office. It just debuted at #2 after earning $19 million. --The #1 movie was "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules". It only cost $21 million to make and the Wimpy Kid sequel has already turned a profit, by opening with $24.4 million in its first weekend. 1.) (NEW) "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules", $24.4 million. 2.) (NEW) "Sucker Punch", $19 million. 3.) Bradley Cooper's "Limitless", $15.2 million. Up to $41.3 million in its 2nd week. Casey Abrams Took His Near-Elimination So Hard That He *Collapsed*: CASEY ABRAMS took his near-elimination from "American Idol" pretty hard. --America voted Casey OUT last week, but the judges decided to use their "save" to keep him around. Casey nearly collapsed on-stage when he was told that he'd be given another shot. (--You can watch the video, here.) --But according to TMZ, Casey DID collapse backstage after the show. They say he was, quote, "so overwrought with emotion [that] he began hyperventilating and then fell to the floor in the hallway." (!!!) --"Idol" staff members helped him to a chair . . . and were able to get him to relax. --Supposedly, Casey said, quote, "I feel really bad that other [contestants] might have to go home now because [the judges] used the [one] save on me." --This would seem like an exaggerated account if it were anyone besides Casey. In addition to his extremely emotional reaction on-camera, Casey also had yet another blood transfusion before Thursday's show. --We've heard that Casey has ulcerative colitis . . . an inflammatory bowel disease, which causes cramping, abdominal pain and internal bleeding. George Lopez Is Sorry for Calling Kirstie Alley a Pig, and She Accepted the Apology . . . Eventually: GEORGE LOPEZ has apologized for calling KIRSTIE ALLEY a PIG on "Lopez Tonight" last week. He Tweeted, quote, "I misjudged the joke. No malice was intended, and I apologize to Kirstie." --But Kirstie wasn't in a forgiving mood at first. After initially responding to the joke by insinuating that George had a DRINKING PROBLEM, she continued her attack on Twitter. --She said, quote, "@GeorgeLopez I don't need or want ur apology. I want your kidney dude . . . on behalf of ur [ex] and all the women you've insulted, give it back." --After that, George told "Access Hollywood", quote, "I wish that she had [accepted the apology] and that she would be guest on 'Lopez Tonight'. I'd love to have her on. --"She has a lot of fans . . . and when you make a joke of that type, um, it never goes over well." He also poked fun at his own weight issues . . . saying, quote, "I blame my Spanx for cutting off my circulation to my brain, and that's all I'll say about that." --Kirstie hasn't said whether or not she'd take him up on that offer, but she did cave in and accept his apology. She Tweeted, quote, "Take life as lightly as u can and then move on. Even u George . . . u are forgiven." --She added, quote, "In fairness . . . Mr. Lopez sent me a HUGE slew of flowers today. I formally accept your flowers and your regards . . . here's your kidney back. :)" Highlights from the First Annual Comedy Awards: The first-ever Comedy Awards was taped over the weekend. It'll air April 10th on several cable networks, including Comedy Central and TV Land. But if you'd rather not wait to find out what happened, here's a rundown of some of the results: --"Modern Family" won best comedy series, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" was named the best late-night comedy show, and "The Other Guys" won the award for best comedy movie. (--It stars WILL FERRELL and MARK WAHLBERG.) --"Toy Story 3" won best animated comedy movie, and "South Park" won best animated comedy series. --Tina Fey and Zach Galifianakis took home awards for "Date Night" and "Dinner for Schmucks", respectively. Alec Baldwin won best TV actor, and Kristen Wiig was the top TV actress. --DAVID LETTERMAN was presented with something called "The Johnny Carson Award for Comedic Excellence" . . . and as expected, EDDIE MURPHY was honored with the "Comedy Icon" award. --The fans got to vote for the best original "viral" video of the year . . . and perhaps not surprisingly, the "Bed Intruder Song" by Auto-Tune the News came out on top. Monday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.) --"Dancing with the Stars" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. --"All Together Now: A Celebration of Service" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--President Barack Obama and former presidents George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush and Jimmy Carter salute American service and volunteerism.) --"The Secret Life of the American Teenager" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC Family. (--Beverley Mitchell, who played Lucy Camden on "7th Heaven", guest stars as a guidance counselor.) --"Make It or Break It" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC Family. --"All Worked Up" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TruTV. --"RuPaul's Drag Race" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Logo. (--Wayne Brady and Fantasia Barrino guest judge a fantasy hair show.) --"19 Kids & Counting" [5th Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TLC. --"Heavy" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E. Bret Michaels Is Suing the Tony Awards for Almost Killing Him: POISON singer BRET MICHAELS is suing the Tony Awards for the incident that happened during the 2009 ceremony, when he was hit in the head by a set piece that was being lowered from the ceiling. (--Here's video.) --Bret was hospitalized for a broken nose and a cut lip, but that's not why he's suing. In the lawsuit, Bret alleges that the accident played a significant role in the near-fatal brain hemorrhage he suffered last year, 10 months after the Tonys. --The suit says, quote, "One of the most common causes of this type of hemorrhage is head trauma, exactly like the one [Bret] suffered at the hands of the Tony Awards." --He says he was not instructed on how to safely leave the stage, and wasn't even aware that anything would be coming down from the ceiling. The producers have said Bret, quote, "missed his mark." --Bret's lawyer says, quote, "[They] dropped a piece of the stage on Bret's head, and then instead of doing the right thing, joked about it and played it off for ratings. --"Bret never wanted to file a lawsuit, but the Tony Awards have left us with no choice. They must be held accountable for almost killing Bret, and that is what we are going to do." --He's suing for negligence, civil battery, negligent misrepresentation and negligent interference with prospective economic advantage. There's no word how much he's asking for. No one from the Tonys has commented. Lady Gaga Has Recorded a "Country Road Version" of "Born This Way": LADY GAGA has released a new version of "Born This Way". She describes it as "the country road version." (--You can listen to it, here.) --It includes one new verse: Quote, "If we want to make it country, baby, it's okay / 'cause I was born, I was born, I was born this way / from London, Paris, Japan, back to U.S.A. / I was born on the road, I was born to be brave." Rebecca Black Is Drawing Interest from Record Labels: Whether you like it or not, 13-year-old "Friday" superstar REBECCA BLACK is launching a music career. She has a manager now, and his team has built a website for her at RebeccaBlackOnline.com. --It already has a bio, photos, and videos . . . featuring clips of her "Tonight Show" appearance . . . and of course, that flawless "Friday" video itself. (--Which now has over 59 million views, by the way.) But that's not all. --Supposedly, Rebecca is drawing interest from major record labels. (???) Her manager says, quote, "Record labels have been contacting [us] about Rebecca. There is definitely interest from real record labels. They've found out she can sing. --"With all this exposure, we're looking at her coming out with more songs and an album. We've been getting submissions from a lot of fantastic songwriters. That's a good sign." (--And now, for the BAD sign . . .) Duff McKagan Becomes "Road Gay" While on Tour: Former GUNS N' ROSES bassist DUFF MCKAGAN says he becomes "road gay" while on tour. He explains, quote, "You're away from your wife and whatever, and I don't (eff) around . . . but there are no women on the bus. --"All of a sudden, well, your bass player's got long black hair, he's wearing his little sister's pants, and out of the corner of your eye he looks like a hot chick. We call it 'road gay.' We don't actually act on it." Best Buy Is Trying to Unload "Chinese Democracy for $1.99: Best Buy was the exclusive retailer of GUNS N' ROSES' "Chinese Democracy" when it came out in November of 2008 . . . and that privilege did NOT come cheap. --Best Buy bought 1.6 million copies of the album for around $14 million. But, the album bombed . . . and according to Nielsen Soundscan, it's only sold 614,000 copies in the U.S. so far. --It's unclear if Best Buy's massive, bulk purchase was a condition of the exclusivity deal . . . or if they just decided to stock up because they thought it would sell. But either way, they still have a lot of discs to unload. --And that's exactly what they're trying to do. --Right now . . . (--or at least as of late last night) . . . you could buy a "Chinese Democracy" album off BestBuy.com for $1.99. The original price is listed as $13.99, so that's almost 90% off. (--To purchase your copy, hit up this link.) MONDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS - 1 of 2 MEGAN FOX stripped down to her underwear for another Armani ad. (Pictures and video here) New York Giants quarterback ELI MANNING and his wife welcomed a baby girl last week. (Full Story) A guy who claimed he had a "date" with MILEY CYRUS was arrested for trespassing . . . on her NEIGHBOR'S property. (Full Story) GERALDINE FERRARO . . . the first female vice-presidential candidate for a major party . . . died Saturday after a long battle with cancer. She was 75. (Full Story) WILL SASSO from "Mad TV" and "(Bleep) My Dad Says" has been cast as Curly in that "Three Stooges" movie. There are now rumors that HANK AZARIA might play Moe, and JAMES MARSDEN could play Larry. (Full Story) JAMES CAMERON was helping to develop a 3D camera for the new Mars rover. But the project has been scrapped, because there was no time to finish it before the next launch. (Full Story) The WWE already had to apologize for some homophobic stuff JOHN CENA said. Now they're apologizing for a homophobic slur used by "Monday Night Raw" announcer MICHAEL COLE on Twitter. (Full Story) The last episode of "Oprah" will air on May 25th. There's no word on who will be her final guest. (Full Story) Looking forward to seeing WILL FERRELL on "The Office"? A brief preview clip is online. (Video) TOM HANKS says he'll guest star on a future episode of "30 Rock", but that's all we know for now. (Full Story) First, there was talk that JUSTIN BIEBER was getting a "prank" show like ASHTON KUTCHER'S "Punk'd" . . . and now the word is that his girlfriend, SELENA GOMEZ, is getting HER own prank show. (Full Story) MOTLEY CRUE singer VINCE NEIL supposedly threatened his ex-girlfriend in Las Vegas last Thursday night. According to reports, he even had to be restrained by the Hilton hotel security. However, he was NOT arrested. (Full Story) The charity album "Songs for Japan" has hit iTunes. It's a double-CD with 38 songs. (--You can find the track-list by scrolling down, here.) TONY BENNETT will record a duet with . . . AMY WINEHOUSE. It'll be on his upcoming album, "Tony Bennett: Duets 2", which is the follow-up to an album of duets that he put out in 2006. (Full Story) Did you know they still released singles on CD? Well, they do. Or, in the case of Mercury Records, they DID. Mercury will stop releasing most of their singles on CD . . . and vinyl, too. From now on, they'll be digital-only releases. (Full Story) NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF Men Start Feeling Old At 58, Women Start Feeling Old At . . . 29: People always tend to make a big deal over turning 30, but really, it's not that bad. And it certainly doesn't mean that your life is over. --As long as you're a man, that is. If you're a woman, then, yeah, you're done. --According to a new study, the average man doesn't start feeling OLD until he hits age 58. The average woman starts feeling old at . . . age 29. --That means it literally takes TWICE as long for men to feel old. --The most common thing that made women start to feel old was finding gray hairs or SAGGING body parts. The most common thing that made men start to feel old was when they couldn't perform in bed. --The second-most common thing that made men start to feel old? When they start thinking that music is being played too loud in bars. --Cary Cooper is a psychology professor at Lancaster University in England. He says, quote, "Magazines are filled with young, attractive women. Women start to perceive themselves as old when they no longer feel . . . trendy or fashionable. --"Men, on the other hand, don't have to be good looking, it doesn't concern them. At 30, women have matured, they're expected to think about getting married and starting a family. --"The majority of men are much more career oriented . . . they don't feel old until they've reached retirement age." (Daily Mail) 85% of Women Say They've Flirted To Get a Discount In the Past Month: Hey, every study may show that women make less money than men . . . but, in the male gender's defense, we NEED that extra money because we don't have the supple, perky breasts that are necessary to get a bunch of discounts. --According to a new survey, 85% of women say they've FLIRTED to get a discount . . . and that's just in the past month. --The most common techniques are hair tossing, eye contact, giggling, and being overly friendly. The most common places to flirt for discounts are bars, electronics stores and gyms. --And . . . the flirting works. --The average woman surveyed saves $240 every year, or an average of $20 a month, by flirting. --And 56% say they've gotten things completely free just by flirting. --When the flirting doesn't work and they have to pay full price, more than two out of three women say they get VERY embarrassed . . . and 92% will actually leave and go shop around. --The survey also found the top 10 things that people of both genders REFUSE to buy without a discount. In order, they are: Car, vacation, TV, house, clothes, phone, furniture, computer, camera, and cable subscription. (PR Newswire) A High School Secretary's Porno Career is Exposed When a Student Recognizes Her . . . and Asks For Her Autograph: Man, the Internet just keeps making it harder and harder for porno skanks to try to go legit. --The latest one to go down is Samantha Ardente of Quebec City, Canada. She was working as a secretary at Etchemins High School . . . and moonlighting in PORNOS. --Samantha Ardente is the name she uses in her porno career. Her real name wasn't released, so that if she does try to go legit again, she might have a shot. --Her cover was blown when a 14-year-old boy at the school saw her in a porno . . . recognized her . . . then came in the next day and asked for her AUTOGRAPH. --That boy also posted a photo of Samantha in her underwear, from a porno, on a Facebook page. That got him suspended from school indefinitely. --Samantha was also suspended while the school decides whether or not to fire her. --Only one porno featuring Samantha has been released. It's called "Serial Abusers 2". (Canoe) A Marriage Counselor is Suspended For Having Sex With a Woman Whose Marriage He Was Supposed To Be Saving: Yeah . . . this sounds like JUST about the worst marriage counselor ever. --Jason Butler is a marriage counselor and social worker in Greenland, New Hampshire. And he's just been suspended for THE biggest possible marriage counselor ethics violation there is. --In 2009, he was counseling a married couple that was having problems. He always sided with the wife, blamed the husband for everything, and, basically, seemed like he was trying to BREAK THEM UP, not help them. --And it turns out that was dead on. After several months of counseling, he started having individual sessions with the wife and suggesting that she leave her husband. Then he started making sexual comments toward her. --In July of last year, he and the wife smoked reefer . . . got drunk . . . and then had sex. They kept on doing it . . . even having sex on the couch in his office. -The woman's husband eventually found out and reported Butler. He's had his license suspended while the state reviews his case. --This isn't the only time Butler's gotten into trouble. Before he started with the wife, he was having, quote, "excessive phone contact" with a 17-year-old counseling patient.--And that marijuana he smoked with the wife? Yeah, he apparently bought it from another one of his patients. (Seacoast Online) A Man Doing His Taxes Finds a $9 Million Lottery Ticket In His Folder of Receipts: Yeah . . . this isn't going to happen to you. --Last week, Irving Przyborski (--priz bore skee) of Chicago sat down to do his taxes and opened up his folder of receipts. As he sorted through them, he found a lottery ticket from the March 24, 2010 Powerball drawing in there. --He checked the numbers on the ticket and . . . yep, it was a jackpot winner. Irving had just won $9 MILLION. (--On the down side, that probably made his taxes a hell of a lot more complicated.) --It gets even crazier. The ticket was less than ONE WEEK away from hitting its one-year expiration date . . . if Irving hadn't found the ticket and claimed his prize, the money would've gone to the Illinois schools. The horror! --According to a lottery spokesman, Irving is a, quote, "quiet, laid back" guy who didn't even seem that excited about his win . . . or how close he came to missing out on his money. (CBS 2 - Chicago) Want To Buy a Wallet That's Indestructible, Fingerprint Sensitive, and Set Up With an Alarm? I suppose if you're rich enough to BUY this wallet, you're carrying enough money around to NEED this wallet. A company called Dunhill has released a new wallet that costs $825 . . . but it seems more technologically sophisticated than your CAR. --The wallet is made of carbon fiber, leather, and stainless steel . . . and is virtually indestructible. It can only be opened with your fingerprint. --And it interfaces with your cell phone via Bluetooth, so if it's ever more than 15 feet away from your body, an alarm starts going off. (Yahoo) (--You can see photos or purchase one here.) A $1,050 Luxury Swimsuit is Advertised With the Warning: Do Not Wear In Water: If you drop $1,050 on a designer, luxury bathing suit, you know you'll look good by the pool this summer. You know you'll look stylish by the pool this summer. You know other women will be jealous of you by the pool this summer. -But, for the love of God, do NOT jump in the pool this summer. --A company called Herve Leger is selling a $1,050 bathing suit . . . that's clearly for looking good ONLY. Because an ad for the suit had a disclaimer, quote, "To get the best from your Herve Leger beachwear, we advise you do not wear it in the water." --After people online started talking about that warning over the weekend, it was taken down. (Racked.com) (--Here's a photo of this not-safe-for-water suit.) A Radio Shack In Missouri is Offering a Free Gun To Anyone Who Signs Up For Dish Network: If you're frustrated with your cable provider . . . and you like to shoot things . . . you're going to want to listen to this deal from a Radio Shack in Hamilton, Missouri. --Their offer? Sign up for Dish Network's satellite service . . . and get a FREE GUN. You can either get a free Hi-Point 380 pistol or a 20-gauge shotgun. --The Radio Shack isn't stocking the guns themselves . . . they give you a voucher to a local gun store. That store performs all the necessary background checks, then gives you your brand new gun. --Steve Strand owns the Radio Shack. He says that since he started this deal he's seen his business TRIPLE. --As for how Dish Network feels about this, Strand says they were a little nervous about the promotion at first . . . but they finally agreed to it. And since it's been such a huge success, now they love it. (Missoulian) A New Study Determines That You Lost the Remote Between the Couch Cushions: You've got to love these studies that have no scientific merit but are incredibly useful for our day-to-day lives. A new study has tried to figure out where your lost remote went. And they think they've got the answer. --According to the study, there's an OVERWHELMING chance that your lost remote is . . . between the couch cushions. 49% of the time, that's where remotes in the study turned up. That makes it SIX TIMES more likely than any other place. --The second-most likely place was a tie . . . 8% of the time the remote was in the bathroom, 8% it was in a dresser drawer. 4% of the time it turned up in the refrigerator or freezer, and 2% of the time it showed up in the car. (Logitech) It's Official: More Than Half of Americans are Now On Facebook: It may feel like it's been years since Facebook overtook your life and made you a slave . . . but it's taken until now for the rest of the country to catch up. -According to a new study, as of January of 2011, the MAJORITY of Americans are now on Facebook. 51% of people over 12 now have Facebook profiles. --Three years ago, only 8% of American adults had Facebook profiles. (Edison Research) Hotdogs Might Be Healthier Than Chicken? It's a pretty basic rule of nutrition that eating chicken is good for you, and eating the fifteen different types of road kill that go into a hotdog is bad for you. Well . . . maybe, just maybe, that's not totally true. --According to a new study out of Kansas State University, on some level, hotdogs might actually be better for you than chicken.--The reason? Hotdogs tend to have almost no carcinogenic compounds called HCAs. --HCAs are found in some meats that are fried or grilled at high temperatures. If you eat too many HCAs, it's possible that you increase your risk of stomach, colon, and breast cancer. --Hotdogs have almost no HCAs. Pepperoni and deli meat are also very low. Fully cooked bacon has a few . . . and rotisserie chicken has a LOT. Most of them are concentrated in the chicken skin. --Chicken has other benefits, though, that hotdogs don't . . . like WAY more protein. --And you don't really have to worry about HCAs TOO much unless you're eating a TON of fried and rotisserie chicken . . . and possibly wrapping it in bacon. (--Plus, hotdogs contain more sodium nitrate, a preservative that's usually found in processed meat like bacon and deli meat. And consuming too much sodium nitrate can contribute to cancer. So . . . I guess there's always vegetarianism?) (MSNBC) Baseball Pitchers are More Likely To Retaliate By Hitting a Batter When It's Hot Outside: It's really a glorious era for nerds who love baseball . . . they can really find a way to make ANYTHING about baseball into a statistic these days. Here's the latest. --Researchers at Duke University have determined that, statistically, a Major League Baseball pitcher is more likely to throw at a batter when it's hot outside. --They analyzed more than 57,000 games and found that when a pitcher's teammate was hit by a pitch and it was over 90 degrees outside, there was a 27% chance that pitcher would retaliate by hitting an opponent with a pitch. --If the temperature was in the 50s, there was only a 22% chance he'd retaliate by hitting an opponent with a pitch. --The researchers say this actually can show how heat and aggression are related outside of baseball, too. --The heat made pitchers more likely to RETALIATE and get revenge when a teammate was hit. But, if their teammates weren't hit, there was no connection between the heat and the number of beanballs. --The researchers believe that shows that heat makes us more aggressive when it comes to RETALIATING . . . so if it's hot outside and someone does something to make you angry, you could be more likely to overreact. (U.S. News & World Report) MEATBALL CRIMINALS A Couple is Found Living In a Small Room Above an Elevator Shaft at a Sheraton Hotel: Hey, if you can't afford to pay rent and you decide to go the SQUATTER route, might as well pick a place that always has fluffy towels and complimentary copies of "USA Today". --In Springfield, Massachusetts, a couple was busted living in a Sheraton hotel. But not in a guest room . . . no, these two were living in a small room above the ELEVATOR SHAFT. --30-year-old Joseph DeMarco and 22-year-old Megan Disley had been living above the elevator shaft at the Sheraton for at least a week before they were caught. --They might've gotten away with it longer, except that their room didn't have a bathroom so they were doing their nasty business into different containers . . . and leaving those outside of their room. A maintenance person spotted the waste jars. --When the cops got to the room, Joseph and Megan were asleep. They were using blankets and pillows that they'd stolen from the hotel. --They were arrested and charged with breaking and entering, trespassing, larceny, possession of burglarious instruments, and carrying a dangerous weapon. (NBC 22 - Springfield) STUPID NEWS EXTRAS In Florida, a man who was accused of stabbing his girlfriend tried the old "I was cutting her a slice of pie and the knife slipped" excuse. (Full story) A Massachusetts job fair scheduled for April 6th has been canceled . . . because there aren't any jobs out there. (Full story) Not busy on Sunday, June 19th? Head to Wales and participate in an attempt to break the world record for the most people SKINNY DIPPING. The current record is only 250 people. (Full story) Take this personality quiz and find out if YOU'RE GONNA DIE. The quiz is based on a connection between how conscientious you are and how long you're probably going to last. (Full story) Sad story here. A 61-year-old man tried to perform CPR on his 59-year-old wife after she had a heart attack . . . and he died in the process. She died as well. Ouch. (Full story) NAZZY’S VIDEOS OF THE DAY #1.) A New Tsunami Video Was Posted on YouTube That Shows an Entire City in Japan Being Washed Away: A new video of the tsunami in Japan was posted on YouTube on Friday, and it already has a million views. This one shows the wave completely overwhelming the port city of Kesennuma, which was almost totally destroyed. --It starts with dozens of cars being washed away, then a whole building goes, and by the end there's almost nothing left but water. --It was shot from the roof of a building right on the shore, and at the beginning it looks like the people filming it are definitely high enough to be safe. But by the end, it looks like they could almost reach down and touch the water. (--Search for "Kesennuma Tsunami Video." The one-story building with a green roof starts being swept away around 2:10.) #2.) Check Out a Lame Family Band From the '80s Performing a Song Called "I Ain't Gonna Pee-Pee My Bed Tonight": A ridiculous video of a band called THE KELLY FAMILY is flying around the Internet right now. The Kelly Family was a multigenerational band that was popular in Europe in the '80s and '90s. And like all PARTRIDGE FAMILY knock-offs, they were totally lame. --In the video, a little kid shows off some horrible ELVIS-style dance movies while he and his family perform an equally awful song called "I Ain't Gonna Pee-Pee My Bed Tonight". The Six Worst Foods You Can Eat: Half of the food sold at grocery stores is bad for you, but "Reader's Digest" boiled it down to a list of the absolute worst foods you can eat. Here are the top six foods you should avoid. #1.) Processed Meat. It's usually high in salt, fat, and cholesterol. And according to the American Institute for Cancer Research, meat that's smoked, cured, preserved in salt, or preserved with chemicals increases your risk for colon cancer. #2.) Frozen Dinners. The portions might be small, but they're loaded with calories. And even though the diet versions are low-fat, they're heavily processed and usually high in salt. #3.) Doughnuts. They're basically just refined flour and sugar. And one doughnut can have 300 empty calories and 20 grams of fat, including trans fat. #4.) Potato Chips. Obviously, you'll gain weight if you eat too many. But they also contain the same carcinogen that found in French fries called acrylamide (--pronounced ah-KRILL-uh-mide). --So in other words, potato chips can make you fat AND give you cancer. #5.) Foods Labeled "Low-Fat" and "Fat Free". There's a low-fat version of almost everything now. But when you get rid of the fat, you lose a lot of the flavor. --So to compensate, food companies add more sugar and salt, and the end product is usually just as bad for you as the normal version. #6.) Soda. It's not really a "food", but it's so bad for you it deserves a spot on the list. According to a recent study, drinking as few as two sugary soft drinks per week doubles your risk of developing pancreatic cancer. --And a separate study showed that drinking DIET soda increases your risk of suffering a heart attack or a stroke by as much as 61%. (Reader's Digest)