Tuesday, May 17, 2011



As Expected, Donald Trump Has Announced He Will NOT Run for President:

As soon as DONALD TRUMP'S poll numbers took a dive, we called it: He was destined to bow out of the presidential race. --What we didn't expect, however, was that he'd do it before the season finale of "Celebrity Apprentice" . . . and thus deprive himself of the potential ratings bump he could have gotten by tying his announcement to the live broadcast. --But yesterday, he announced that the twisted, egomaniacal dream is over. Instead of running for president, Donald has signed on for two more seasons of "Celebrity Apprentice". --Trump first made the call during an NBC press conference. (--Here's video of that.) --Then he issued a more formal statement. He said, quote, "After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. --"This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country." --He added, quote, "I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary, and ultimately, the general election . . ." --"Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector." --Donald didn't endorse another candidate. He just said, quote, "I look forward to supporting the candidate who is most qualified to help us tackle our country's most important issues." --Donald also took credit for getting Americans talking about important issues like China. --Seriously . . . he claimed that the issue of China's growing economic influence on us was, quote, "seldom mentioned before I brought [it] to the forefront of the country's conversation." (--You can read Donald's full statement here.) (--He's still leading the polls and nobody talked about China before he came along? Really? What reality does this guy live in???)

Nick Jonas Is Reportedly Dating a 26-Year-Old Australian Singer:

18-year-old NICK JONAS might be dating 26-year-old Australian singer DELTA GOODREM. The two of them were spotted holding hands coming out of a theater in Hollywood Sunday. (--Here's a picture.) (PopEater) --And yesterday, Nick Tweeted, quote, "I feel so blessed. Had a great weekend."

Did Rick Springfield Threaten to Kill One of the Cops Who Arrested Him for DUI?

When RICK SPRINGFIELD was popped for DUI earlier this month, police noted in their report that he was, quote, "belligerent." --What they DIDN'T say is that Rick threatened to KILL one of the officers . . . and his family. (!!!) --A source tells TMZ that Springfield went off when the cop told him his $200,000 1963 Corvette Stingray would have to be towed . . . and Springfield yelled, quote, "If you tow my car I will [effing] kill you and your family!" --For whatever reason, that statement was left out of the report. --What's interesting is that these cops were from the Malibu / Lost Hills Sheriff's Station. This is the same department that arrested MEL GIBSON for DUI in 2006. --And, as you may recall, the report from that arrest was mysteriously missing Mel's now-infamous anti-Semitic rant.

Jennifer Aniston's 15-Year-Old Dog Norman Has Died:

Anyone who's even vaguely familiar with JENNIFER ANISTON'S personal life has heard about her dog Norman. Well, sadly, Norman is no more. Jennifer's rep says he died a few weeks ago at the age of 15. --Why did Norman die? Because he was 15. And a dog. That's old for a dog. If you go by the old rule that one human year equals seven dog years, then Norman was 105. --Jennifer used to talk about Norman all the time, and she brought him to all her movie shoots. He was a Welsh corgi / terrier mix. --While promoting "Marley and Me" in 2008, she said, quote, "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog . . . and then they don't live as long as they should. --"You have to say goodbye way too soon. It's just so sad. It makes me so sad. But their love is unconditional and I love that." --She also once said Norman was just, quote, "a person in a dog suit." (--Here's a picture of Jennifer and Norman.) (D-Listed)

Happy Tuesday: One of the Smartest Men Who Ever Lived Says There's No Heaven:

If your faith can be easily shaken, you probably won't want to hear this: STEPHEN HAWKING is one of the most brilliant human beings who ever lived . . . and lately, he's been voicing his opinion that death really is the end. --In his most recent interview, he says there's no Heaven. And he kind of mocks people who believe in it. --He says, quote, "I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first. --"I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark." (--It should be noted that if there IS a God, and he's everything he's supposed to be . . . then his mysteries are beyond the comprehension of all men . . . even one as brilliant as Stephen Hawking.) (--So just because he says there's no God, doesn't mean there isn't.) (--Or, to quote the nearly omnipotent character Dr. Manhattan from "Watchmen" . . . "The world's smartest man poses no greater threat to me than does its smartest termite.")

The Box for the Blu-Ray Edition of the Complete "Star Wars" Saga Is Extremely Lame . . . Especially for Old-School Fans:

The complete "Star Wars" saga . . . all six movies . . . comes out on Blu-ray on September 16th. And while you'd think fans would be nothing but STOKED, there's a problem. The box is EXTREMELY LAME. --Seriously . . . the cover art shows little Anakin Skywalker from "Episode 1" on the barren desert planet of Tatooine . . . with a transparent image of Luke Skywalker behind him. --A lot of "Star Wars" fans . . . especially the old-schoolers . . . are freaking out about this. Not only because they consider the new trilogy so much lamer than the original . . . but because young Anakin was one of the worst things about it. --Each trilogy is also being released in its own Blu-ray set. And there's a problem there, too. --The Blu-ray cover for the original trilogy has a big picture of Darth Vader on it . . . and that's cool. But there are also smaller pictures of other characters from the movies. --But the pictures of Luke, Han Solo, Princess Leia and Chewbacca . . . are WAY smaller, and they seem to just be jammed in there almost as an afterthought. --Even the Emperor's picture is bigger than all of theirs. Which old-school fans are taking as yet another snub of the original trilogy. --The one positive is that they at least found room for the incomparable BILLY DEE WILLIAMS on the cover! --The Blu-ray cover of the new trilogy is a big picture of Yoda with smaller pictures of the other cast members. No one seems too concerned one way or another about that one. --But one thing that SHOULD make even the biggest GEORGE LUCAS-hating "Star Wars" fans happy is that Jar Jar Binks did NOT make that cover. (--Check out all three covers here.) (The original source links can be found on Amazon.com . . . here, here and here.)

Fox Has Announced Their New Shows for the 2011-2012 Season:

This week, all the major networks will be unveiling their schedules for next season. --Fox revealed their plans yesterday, and it's all about the STEVEN SPIELBERG dinosaur series "Terra Nova" . . . and, of course, "X Factor". Both those shows will launch in the fall, before "American Idol" returns in the winter. --"Terra Nova", which means "new land" in Latin, is set in the year 2149. The human race is on the brink of extinction, so people have to start over . . . by traveling back in time to the dinosaur era. --It stars STEPHEN LANG, who played the military badass in "Avatar", and JASON O'MARA from the short-lived ABC shows "Life on Mars" and "In Justice". STEVEN SPIELBERG is the executive producer. --"X Factor" will settle into "Idol"-like time slots on Wednesday and Thursday nights during the fall. And there's going to be a LOT of it . . . the performance episodes have been blocked in for 90 minutes, and the results shows will be an hour long. -You've probably heard that "X Factor" will reunite Simon Cowell and PAULA ABDUL . . . who will be joined at the judges table by L.A. Reid and Cheryl Cole. NICOLE SCHERZINGER and STEVE JONES will host. --By the way, Fox is NOT concerned that "X Factor" is entering an increasingly suffocating field of singing competition shows. --A Fox suit said, quote, "We feel we have the gold standard in 'American Idol' and 'X Factor'. 'Idol' has been rejuvenated and in Simon Cowell we have the absolute star of the genre at the pinnacle of his game." --Meanwhile, there probably won't be any changes with the "Idol" judges. STEVEN TYLER and RANDY JACKSON are in multi-year deals. JENNIFER LOPEZ is finishing up a one-year deal, but Fox "hopes and expects her to return." (--"American Idol" and "X-Factor" will never be in direct competition with each other, since "Idol" always airs from January through May.) --Here's a quick summary of Fox's other new stuff: --"I Hate My Teenage Daughter": A sitcom about two single moms, who are struggling to raise their teenage daughters. It stars Jaime Pressly from "My Name Is Earl". --"New Girl": A sitcom that, quote, "takes a fresh and outrageous look at modern male / female relationships." It stars Zooey Deschanel, from "Elf" and "(500) Days of Summer". --"The Finder": A "Bones" spin-off about a former fed who now works freelance hunting down missing people and things. --"Allen Gregory": An animated show about a pretentious seven-year-old, who's voiced by Jonah Hill. Former "3rd Rock from the Sun" star French Stewart voices the kid's father. --"Napoleon Dynamite": An animated series based on the 2004 movie. The movie cast will be back to lend their voices. They include: Jon Heder, Jon Gries, Aaron Ruell, Efren Ramirez, Diedrich Bader, and Tina Majorino. --"Alcatraz": A mystery / thriller from "Lost" creator J.J. Abrams. It stars Jorge Garcia, who played Hurley on "Lost", Sarah Jones from "Sons of Anarchy", Sam Neill from "Jurassic Park" and former "ER" star Parminder Nagra. --"Touch": A drama starring Kiefer Sutherland as a father who discovers that his autistic, 10-year-old son has the ability to, quote, "see things that no one else can, the patterns that connect everything" . . . whatever that means. (--Fox has posted video previews of seven of these shows, here.)
Fox's Cancellations and Renewals:

Fox announced their cancellations last week. Here they are again:

--"Lie to Me", "Human Target", "Breaking In", "The Chicago Code" and "Traffic Light". --The shows they ARE bringing back include: "House", "Glee", "Raising Hope", "Bones", "Kitchen Nightmares", "Fringe", "Cops", "The Cleveland Show", "The Simpsons", "Family Guy", "American Dad" and "Bob's Burgers".

"America's Most Wanted" Will No Longer Be a Regular Series on Fox:

Fox has dropped "America's Most Wanted" from their weekly lineup, but it hasn't been canceled all together. Instead of having a regular timeslot on Saturdays, Fox will air four two-hour "America's Most Wanted" specials throughout the season --"America's Most Wanted" has been airing on Fox for 23 years. It's the longest running show in the network's history . . . and has led to the capture of 1,151 fugitives. --Fox demoted "America's Most Wanted" because "economically, it didn't make sense." However, there's still a possibility that it could resurface as a regular series on one of Fox's other networks.

Fox Is Developing a New "Flintstones" Series . . . and Seth MacFarlane Is the Guy Behind It:

In the midst of announcing their fall schedule, Fox also revealed one of the shows they're developing for the future. It's a "revival" of "The Flintstones", which is being created by SETH MACFARLANE. --It'll be animated like the original '60s, Hanna-Barbera version. MacFarlane says he's keeping it true to the original, but he'll make some updates. He says, quote, "What's the animal version of the iPod? That's the kind of thing we have to think about." --"The Flintstones" will start production in the fall and will premiere sometime in 2013. (--Seth MacFarlane is the guy behind the shows "Family Guy", "The Cleveland Show" and "American Dad". And I think that those are more than enough . . .)

Check out a Photo of Ed Harris as John McCain:

ED HARRIS is portraying JOHN MCCAIN in the upcoming HBO movie "Game Change". And now, we have the first picture of Ed in his McCain get-up. (--You can check it out, here.) (Entertainment Weekly)

Jerry Lewis Is Retiring from Telethoning:

85-year-old JERRY LEWIS has announced that this year's Muscular Dystrophy Association Labor Day telethon will be his LAST. --Jerry has been hosting the telethon for 45 years. He'll remain the MDA national chairman . . . a role he's had since the early 1950s. --In a statement, Jerry said, quote, "[It's] time for an all new telethon era. I've hosted the annual telethon since 1966, and I'll be making my final appearance on the show this year by performing my signature song, 'You'll Never Walk Alone'." --For what it's worth, during last year's telethon, Jerry vowed, quote, "I will be here as long as I breathe." --Last year, it was announced that the 2011 telethon would be cut from 21-and-a-half hours to just six hours. (--Last year's show raised $58.9 million, and the annual telethon has raised around $2.5 billion overall.)

Tuesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"NCIS" [8th Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"One Tree Hill" [8th Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW.

--"Dancing with the Stars" [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"Hellcats" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on the CW.

--"NCIS: Los Angeles" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"Raising Hope" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Fox.

--"Traffic Light" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"The Voice" [Battle Round 2 of 4] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Reba, Sia, Monica, and producer Adam Blackstone return to advise the coaches.)

--"The Good Wife" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"Tosh.0" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Comedy Central. (--Boxer Manny Pacquiao guest stars as himself . . . and he punches Tosh.)

--"Sinbad" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on WE.

--"The Fabulous Beekman Boys" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Planet Green.


--"The Other Woman" (R)

Natalie Portman plays a new stepmom trying to connect with her stepson after losing her own baby. Lisa Kudrow is the boy's mom, who's still furious about her husband's affair and jealous of Natalie for stealing first her husband . . . and now her son. (Trailer)

--"The Roommate" (PG-13)

"Gossip Girl's" Leighton Meester plays a deranged college freshman who becomes obsessed with her new roommate, Minka Kelly from "Friday Night Lights". (Trailer) (--Isn't this just a rip-off of the 1992 thriller "Single White Female" with Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh? Check out the trailer for that one here.)

--"Vanishing on 7th Street" (R)

A thriller starring Hayden Christensen, Thandie Newton, and John Leguizamo as the survivors of a deserted city, littered with clothes of people who simply vanished. --It's basically about our fear of the dark, with evil whispering shadows claiming anyone who strays from the protection of the light. And as power sources start failing, the only protection ends up being a gasoline-powered generator at an abandoned bar. (Trailer)

--"The Rite" (PG-13)

Anthony Hopkins is an experienced exorcist who trains a skeptical seminary student, until he himself is possessed. An unknown actor named Colin O'Donoghue is the young exorcist trying to drive the Devil out of Anthony Hopkins. (Trailer)

--"The Mechanic" (R)

An action flick starring Jason Statham as an assassin looking for some major revenge after his mentor, Donald Sutherland, is murdered. Ben Foster plays the dead guy's son, who convinces Statham to teach him everything he knows. If you're a sci-fi fan, you might remember Foster as the dude with wings in the third "X-Men" movie. (Trailer)

--"Broken Hill" (PG)

--A drama about a guy in the Australian Outback who wants to leave his dad's sheep farm and get into an elite music conservatorium. Timothy Hutton plays his dad, Alexa Vega is his girlfriend and it stars some guy named Luke Arnold.

TV Series On DVD:

--"Royal Pains: Season 2" . . . a four-disc DVD set.
--"Covert Affairs: Season One" . . . a three-disc set of Piper Perabo's spy show.
--"The Bionic Woman: Season Two" . . . a five-disc set. (--It ran three seasons.)
--"All in the Family: The Complete Ninth Season" . . . a three-disc DVD set.
--"Flashpoint: The Complete Third Season" . . . a four-disc DVD set.
--"Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job: Season 5" . . . a single-disc DVD set.


"L.A. Noire" Is This Week's Big Release . . . and a Candidate for Game of the Year:

--"L.A. Noire" (M) . . . on Xbox360 and PS3. This is the latest game from the same guys who made the "Grand Theft Auto" games and "Red Dead Redemption". You play a Los Angeles detective in the 1940s and your cases are based on infamous crimes from the time period, such as the Black Dahlia murder. (--The PS3 version also includes a bonus case called "Consul's Car".) You start as a beat cop and work your way up the ranks within your department. Each time you rank up you receive a new partner who will investigate, chase down the bad guys and they'll even drive you around L.A. if you're too lazy to do it yourself. And thanks to the new MotionScan facial animation technology, which uses 32 cameras surrounding the voice actor, you will be able to read the character's face on the screen to determine if they are telling the truth or not when you are interrogating them. (Trailer)

--"The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings" (M) . . . on PC. In this epic RPG you play as a "Witcher" named Geralt of Rivia. Witcher's have standard fantasy skills like the ability to use magic and slice enemies up with a variety of weapons. Thanks to the VERY mature storyline of "The Witcher" series instead of receiving a shiny new sword or a few gold pieces from the damsel in distress you just rescued, she might just GET IT ON WITH YOU as her way of saying thanks for a job well done. Seriously, if this game is anything like its predecessor you will have so much fantasy video game sex that you won't be able to tell where an elf begins and an orc ends. (Trailer)

ESRB Game Ratings: (E) for Everyone; (T) for Teen; (M) for Mature (18+)


This Week's CD Releases:

--"Give Till It's Gone", Ben Harper (--Beatles legend Ringo Starr co-wrote and played drums on two tracks: "Spilling Faith" and "Get There from Here". Jackson Browne appears on the song "Pray That Our Love Sees the Dawn".)

--"Rome", Danger Mouse (of Gnarls Barkley) & (male Italian composer) Daniele Luppi (--The album took five years to make . . . and the music was inspired by the music in spaghetti westerns. You can give it a listen, here.)

--"Holding Onto Strings Better Left To Fray", Seether

--"Destroyed", Moby (--He's described the sound on the album as, quote, "broken down melodic electronic music for empty cities at 2:00 A.M.")

--"The Way It Was", Parachute (--Check out "Something to Believe In (Jeremiah)", here.)

Lady Gaga Has Over 10 Million Twitter Followers:

LADY GAGA has become the first Twitter user to rack up 10 million followers . . . and yes, that means she's still out-dueling JUSTIN BIEBER on Twitter. --Lady Gaga celebrated the milestone by Tweeting, quote, "10 Million Monsters! I'm speechless, we did it! It's an illness how I love you. Leaving London smiling." (--As of late last night, Lady Gaga had nearly 10.1 million followers. Here's the link to her feed. Justin has just about 9.7 million followers.) (--Lady Gaga is also out-"liking" Justin Facebook. Over 34 million fans have "liked" Lady Gaga on Facebook. Justin "only" has 27.1 million.)
Lady Gaga Has Released Another New Song:

LADY GAGA unleashed another song off "Born This Way" yesterday. This one's called "Hair" . . . and it includes this brilliant chorus: Quote, "I've had enough, this is my prayer, that I'll die living just as free as my hair." (???) (--Listen to it, here. "Born This Way" goes on sale next Monday.)

Only Seven Fans Welcomed Justin Bieber at the Hong Kong Airport?

JUSTIN BIEBER is used to being met at the airport by huge crowds of shrieking teenage girls . . . but that didn't happen in Hong Kong last week. --According to reports, just SEVEN girls showed up to welcome him . . . while Justin's entourage included at least 20 people. (--You can see video of Justin's arrival, here. You can see the seven girls 19 seconds in.) --That isn't exactly a representation of Justin's popularity in Hong Kong though. He performed to a nearly sold-out, 13,500-seat stadium on Friday night. --By the way, the reports also claim Justin looked "grumpy" at the airport, but that's understandable . . . since he's been fighting a chest infection for a while now.

Brian Wilson Is Still Considering a Beach Boys Reunion:

Last year, BRIAN WILSON said he wanted to get back together with the surviving BEACH BOYS . . . MIKE LOVE and AL JARDINE . . . for a 50th anniversary tour. But then last week, he said he was planning on retiring from touring. --Well, now he says he's still considering the Beach Boys reunion . . . quote, "I don't know yet but I'm considering it. Nothing's really holding me back. I just don't know if I want to be around those guys you know. They're zany guys. They're crazy."


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

A CNN anchor has come out of the closet . . . but it's not ANDERSON COOPER. It's one of the weekend guys, DON LEMON. (Full Story)

Former CHARLIE SHEEN goddess BREE OLSON says she'll watch ASHTON KUTCHER on "Two and a Half Men". (Video)

L.A. Laker RON ARTEST had his dinner interrupted by the Sexy Sax Man . . . that guy who runs around in public playing GEORGE MICHAEL'S "Careless Whisper" on his saxophone. (Video)

A new survey says that celebrities who Tweet too much may end up boring . . . and thus LOSING . . . their fans. (Full Story)

Pittsburgh Steelers superstar TROY POLAMALU has graduated from USC with a bachelor's degree in history. (Full Story)

ROSIE O'DONNELL and her old "View" nemesis ELISABETH HASSELBECK are making nice on Twitter. (Full Story)

ROB LOWE says he and TOM CRUISE almost got into it for real while rehearsing for a fight scene in "The Outsiders". (Full Story)

KYM JOHNSON not only returned to the dance floor last night on "Dancing with the Stars" after what looked like a scary neck injury . . . she and partner HINES WARD seriously kicked butt. They got perfect scores on two of their three dances. But they still only came in second, because CHELSEA KANE and MARK BALLAS won the winner-takes-all cha-cha at the end of the night. (Full Story)

"Survivor" villain RUSSELL HANTZ is getting his own show on A&E. It's called "Flipped" . . . and it's about him and his family buying houses, fixing them up and trying to resell them for a profit. It'll air later this year. (Full Story)

On "Oprah" yesterday, author JAMES FREY talked about how horrible it was to be chewed out by Oprah on her show five years ago. (Full Story)

The FOO FIGHTERS have announced some September tour dates. (Full Story)


16% of You Have Sex Three or Four Times a Week . . . and 3% Do It Daily:

There's a new sex survey out that proves one thing: About one out of 25 people in the U.S. needs a nap. --In the survey, 3% of people say they have sex literally every single day of the year . . . and another 1% say they do it multiple times a day, every single day of the year. Overall, that's one-25th of the country getting-it-on at least once a day. --On the other end of things . . . 18% of the people surveyed say they're not currently sexually active, 7% said they have sex once every few months, 3% said they only have sex once or twice a year, and 5% are virgins. --More than 1,000 Americans over 18 participated in the survey. --The most common sexual frequency is once or twice a week . . . 26% of American adults gave that answer. --Second-most common was three to four times a week, at 16%. And once or twice a month came in third place, with 15% of the vote. (--It wasn't reported how often the remaining 6% have sex, but it was probably more than four times a week but less than every day.) (UPI)

Here Are the Four Secrets of How To Talk People Into Doing Whatever You Want:

Now THIS is a useful study. Jose Benki of the University of Michigan has figured out the secrets to talking people into doing whatever you want. --For the study, Benki studied thousands of recordings of telephone surveys to figure out what techniques the interviewers could use to make the respondents say "yes." And here's what he found . . .

#1.) Speak moderately fast. Talking at about 3.5 words per second was the key. Anyone who talked faster or slower had more trouble getting "yes" answers.

#2.) Control your pitch. It doesn't matter if you're animated and lively, or straightforward and monotone. But don't go back and forth between excited and boring. --People who do that sound like they're faking it and trying too hard, which backfires.

#3.) Use a deep voice. For men, a deep voice was an asset. Interviewers with deeper voices had more success than men with higher-pitched voices. Benki didn't notice the same effect with females.

#4.) Pause naturally. When you're speaking normally, you pause about four or five times a minute. That sounds natural. Interviewers who had fewer pauses had the worst results because they sounded way too scripted. (io9)
Is College Worth It? The Majority of Americans Say No . . . But the Majority of College Presidents Say Yes:

The price of college in the U.S. just keeps getting more and more ridiculous . . . and it may've passed the tipping point of actually being worth it. Unless you ask college presidents. They think it's worth every dollar. -The Pew Research Center just finished a nationwide survey about college and found the majority of Americans, 57%, now believe that higher education in the U.S., quote, "fails to provide students with good value for the money." --College presidents disagree. 62% say that higher education in this country is absolutely headed in the right direction. --Overall, people who graduated from a four-year college believe that they earn an average of $20,000-a-year more than people who didn't attend college. And people who didn't attend think they make $20,000-a-year less than people who did. --Those numbers are backed up by the U.S. Census Bureau which found that, in 2010, the income gap between college graduates and non-graduates is $19,550. --Of course, with some colleges costing well over $200,000 for four years, it's going to take a decade to recoup that difference. --But even if college is getting too expensive, not leading to high enough salaries, and not providing good value . . . 94% of parents surveyed still said they expect their child to go to college. (Pew Research Center)

A New Blood Test Can Tell Exactly How Fast You're Aging . . . and Can Pretty Accurately Guess When You're Gonna Die:

So . . . anyone want to find out when they're scheduled to DIE? In a few months, a new blood test is hitting the market in England that can make a pretty good guess at how much longer you have to live. --The test measures the structure of your chromosomes and calculates exactly how fast you're aging. Things like smoking, obesity, and other health problems affect the chromosome structure. --Using that information, the test can guess the age you're going to die better than any test before.
--And obviously, a test like that is going to draw some controversy. Most people don't want to know when they're scheduled to DIE. It kinda takes the fun out of life, doesn't it? --But people in the medical field say it could be extremely useful . . . not just as a "scared straight" program to get people healthy, but also as an early way to detect someone on the path to cancer, heart disease, and Alzheimer's. --The test will be available over-the-counter in England later this year for about $700. There's no word on when it might be approved in the U.S. (The Independent)

Is the World Ending on May 21st? Here's How They Came Up with the Date:

In case you haven't heard, the world is going to end on Saturday. So use your gift cards quickly. --A guy named Howard Camping is the head of a fringe Christian sect called Family Radio. They're the ones saying Saturday is the end. And for whatever reason, their apocalyptic prediction has been getting some attention. --So Camping wants to make sure we know that May 21st, 2011 wasn't just an arbitrary pick. He put some actual math into it. And here's how he got there.

--Noah's flood was in 4,990 B.C. Camping says he figured out the date for the great flood based on other dates and ages given in the Bible. And that flood was the first apocalypse. Saturday will be the second.

--Add 7,000 years. Genesis 7:4 says that the people had seven days to prepare for the flood back in Biblical times. And one way to interpret the verse at 2 Peter 3:8 is to say that when it comes to God, 1,000 years are like a day.

--So Camping put those two verses together and determined that for this apocalypse, we've had 7,000 years to prepare. Since there's no year zero, 4,990 B.C. plus 7,000 brings us to 2011.

--Month two, day 17. The great flood occurred on the 17th of the Hebrew month of Iyar in 4,990 B.C. This year, that date corresponds to May 21st on the modern calendar.

--If all this seems pretty arbitrary . . . like, for example, why he mashed up the Old and New Testaments to get that 1,000-year multiplier . . . yeah, we get that feeling too. So if the world doesn't end on Saturday, try to look surprised. (Time)
A Man in Nigeria Just Married His 107th Wife . . . And Thanked God For Giving Him the Strength To Give All of Them Their "Sexual Portion":

In Nigeria, a man just married his 107th wife. You know . . . because what kind of a loser only has 106? --The man's name is Bello Massaba. He works as an Islamic faith healer in Bida, Nigeria. And, yeah, he's married to 107 women. He's fathered 185 kids. --Almost all 293 of the family members live in their four-story, 89-room home. --Polygamy is extremely common in Nigeria, but under Islamic law, men aren't supposed to have more than four wives. --Bello says he's defied that law and married so many women because he got a message from God telling him to marry as many women as possible. --And believe it or not, he says all of his wives really get along well and never fight. --As for the marital relations . . . quote, "God has given me the power and strength to give them the sexual portion they need. If I didn't satisfy them, they would leave." (CBS 10 - Tampa)

A Couple In Israel Names Their Baby "Like":

Parents, please don't name your kids after Facebook. You WILL regret it. Like these parents in Israel. They're GOING to end up regretting this. --The couple is Lior and Vardit Adler. (--That's Lee-ohr and Var-deet.) And they've named their new baby girl "Like." Yes, as in the "thumbs up" on Facebook. --Lior says his first two daughters are named after the Hebrew words for Honey and Pie, and they wanted something unique for their third. And they thought of Like and . . . sigh . . . liked it. --He also says his family didn't get any kickback for the name . . . and he only has about 120 friends on Facebook. (Social Times)

An Exterminator Was Trying To Smoke Out Some Bedbugs . . . And Accidentally Burned Down the House:

Stories like this just make me pray I never get bedbugs. Because it seems like once they show up, you're cursed forever. --Over the weekend in Carthage, Ohio, an exterminator was trying to get rid of the bedbugs in a two-family home. --And he was using a technique called thermal extermination to try to smoke the bugs out. --Unfortunately, there were a TON of bedbugs and he needed a ton of smoke. So as he used propane tanks and heaters to generate the smoke, one EXPLODED . . . and he set the entire house on fire. --No one, including the exterminator, was hurt in the fire but the home was ruled a total loss. (NBC 5 - Cincinnati)


A California Narcotics Agent In Charge of Shutting Down Brothels Is Busted For . . . Running a Brothel:

For several years, 50-year-old Norman Wielsch was a California state narcotics agent who ran a task force in charge of shutting down brothels. In the process, Wielsch noticed just how much money you can make in the prostitution game. --And eventually, he realized he was in a better position than anyone to actually RUN a brothel. --Wielsch had a friend set up a brothel in Pleasant Hill, California in the summer of 2009. And he used his power and influence to make sure they never got in trouble. --When undercover cops were set to go to the brothel . . . which was called My Divine Skin Massage Parlor . . . Wielsch provided his employees with their photos, so the ladies would know to give those guys legitimate massages without happy endings. --Wielsch also organized raids on competing brothels in the area to cut down on the competition. And when some of his prostitutes were busted outside of the brothel, he got their charges reduced to a misdemeanor of disturbing the peace. --Finally he slipped up, and stole some drugs out of an evidence locker to give to his friend who was overseeing the brothel. After an investigation, he was arrested, along with the friend and another cop who was helping them out. --Wielsch claims he had nothing to do with the brothel, and his friend is just trying to shift the blame. Both have been charged with drug and theft charges. Prostitution charges are still pending. (San Francisco Chronicle)

An Inmate Who Stabbed His Lawyer In the Neck With a Pencil Gets a New Lawyer . . . And Promptly Stabs Him In the Neck With a Pencil:

27-year-old Joshua Monson is locked up right now at Snohomish County Jail in Washington. --He's facing murder charges for allegedly shooting a man in the head during a fight over a woman. --Last week, Monson freaked out during a hearing and STABBED his lawyer in the neck with a PENCIL. The lawyer was hospitalized but survived . . . and quit representing Monson. --So, a few days later, he got a new lawyer. And . . . Monson promptly stabbed HIM in the neck with a pencil, too. Somehow, no one saw that coming. --That lawyer is okay as well. --A representative from the jail says that from now on, Monson will be in a restraint chair whenever he meets with someone. --He's also going to be receiving a mental health evaluation. (Everett Herald)

Stupid News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

This is from a 2009 study, but it's interesting: More women are taking their husband's last name when they get married. The number of women who keep their maiden name peaked at 23% in the '90s. Now it's down to about 18%. And women who marry in their late 30s are over six times more likely to keep their last name than younger women. (Full Story)

Wanna buy the world's most expensive soup? It's for charity. You can get a bowl of spicy Vietnamese soup in L.A. for $5,000. It's made from white truffles, noodles made from blue lobster meat, broth from foie gras, and A5 Wagyu beef. Whatever that means. (Full Story)

According to a new survey, women are more likely than men to support causes: 45% of Americans overall actively support a cause, but women are a, quote, "significantly larger part of the group." Feeding the hungry and supporting the troops are the causes that rank the highest for both men and women. For obvious reasons, women are more likely to support breast cancer research . . . and men, prostate cancer. Women also care more about bullying and childhood obesity. (Full Story)

A cop in Florida was suspended last month for demanding driver's licenses from Burger King employees, and calling in another deputy to the restaurant . . . all because they messed up his wife's order. (Full Story)

Photos of the Day: A guy in Arkansas stopped a flooding river from destroying his house by building a giant levee around it, complete with a moat. (Full Story)

Update: That teenager who was suspended for using a huge sign to ask a girl to the prom . . . is now allowed to go to the prom after all. (Full Story)


#1.) The Newest 'Crazy Person on the New York Subway' Video Features a Guy Who Shines His Shoes by Licking Them:

The newest 'crazy person on the New York subway' is some guy who shines his shoes by frantically LICKING them. There's a video of him on YouTube sitting on the subway, treating his left shoe like it's an ice cream cone. (--Search for "Man Licking Shoes on New York Subway." He finishes licking and moves on to picking at his foot around the 1-minute mark.)

#2.) Check Out a Children's Play Phone That Says the F-Word:

Someone took a children's play phone that says numbers when you push the buttons. And they figured out that if you push 9-3-5 really quickly, it sounds like it says a word that rhymes with "brother trucker." And when they push 5-2, it sounds like "eff you." (--Search for "How to Get the Baby Phone Toy to Curse." WARNING: This video includes about 30 F-bombs.)

#3.) Another Soccer Player Dropped a Trophy From on Top of a Bus, and It Got Run Over:

Apparently soccer players are good with their feet but not their hands, because this keeps happening: Last month, a player from Real Madrid dropped the Spanish championship trophy from the top of a bus, and it got run over. --And now a goalie for a team in the Netherlands has done the exact same thing. His team won the Dutch League Championship. --And while they were riding around Amsterdam on a bus celebrating, he dropped the trophy, and it got hit by the bus behind them. (--Search for "Maarten Stekelenberg Drops Championship Cup." He drops it at :38.)
What Do You Think Is Healthier: Lunch at a Public School or Lunch in Prison?

Elementary school lunches in the U.S. are supposed to include all the basic food groups, and last year Congress passed the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, which is supposed to make school lunches more nutritious. --But as of now, they're still pretty disgusting. Less than one-third of schools meet the recommended maximum for saturated fat in their meals. --And fast food chains like McDonald's and Burger King test their ground beef five to ten times more often than the USDA tests beef sent to public schools. --So "Good Magazine" compared the average school lunch to the average meal served in U.S. PRISONS, and the results might surprise you.

Fact #1.) They Both Have About the Same Number of Calories. The average prison meal has between 1,300 and 1,450. The average school lunch has about 1,400.

Fact #2.) They Cost About the Same to Make. The average cost of feeding a prisoner is $2.62 per day, compared to $2.68 for the average student. --But the government spends about $11 billion a year on the school lunch program, compared to $205 million for prison food . . . because even though prisons are overcrowded, there are still a lot more kids than prisoners.

Fact #3.) Both Meals Have One Bread Item, One Starch Item, and One Drink. But kids get about an ounce less meat, and prisoners usually get more fruit and vegetables. --So basically, prison food is SLIGHTLY healthier than school lunches are, but they're basically the same. In fact, a lot of schools and prisons get their food from the same distributors. Aramark is one of the biggest companies that provides food to both. (Good Magazine)


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