Friday, May 20, 2011



Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Putting His Acting Career On Hold:

So much for "Terminator 5". ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER announced yesterday that he's putting his acting career on hold due to the effects of his RESTLESS GROIN SYNDROME. --His attorney issued a statement yesterday, saying that he's put a stop to, quote, "all his motion picture projects currently underway or being negotiated." --He added, quote, "Governor Schwarzenegger is focusing on personal matters and is not willing to commit to any production schedules or timelines . . . We will resume discussions when Governor Schwarzenegger decides." --Unfortunately, Arnold's career hiatus also puts his cartoon show, "The Governator", on the shelf. --The people behind that brilliant idea issued a statement yesterday saying, quote, "In light of recent events, [we] have chosen to not go forward with the 'Governator' project." --It's probably for the best, given that Arnold's character was supposed to fight crime with the help of his wife, MARIA SHRIVER, and their four kids.

And Now . . . Another Potential Arnold Schwarzenegger Mistress:

It's happening again: Just like they did with JESSE JAMES and TIGER WOODS before him, the alleged mistresses are piling up for ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. --Yesterday, Number Three emerged. Her name is GIGI GOYETTE. --She's 52 years old now . . . and her flings with Arnold took place in the '70s and '80s. --Gigi supposedly had sex with Arnold for the first time in 1975, when she was 16. At the time, she was doing some work on "Little House on the Prairie".
(--That's what various sources are saying. But her profile on the Internet Movie Database does NOT back that up. She actually only has a handful of credits on (--According to them, her earliest showbiz gig was working as a stand-in on a show called "Big Hawaii" in 1977. Then she did stunts for a movie called "Skatetown U.S.A." in 1979.) (--After that, her only other credit is for a 1998 movie called "Rusty: A Dog's Tale" . . . for which she did stunts and had a small part as a waitress.)
-Then they lost touch . . . but started fornicating again in 1989, three years after Arnold married MARIA SHRIVER. --If you followed Arnold's run for governor in 2003, you've probably heard of Gigi, because her name came up during the campaign. It was said that Arnold paid her $20,000 to keep quiet about their relationship. --Yesterday, man-hating attention-whore attorney GLORIA ALLRED announced that she now represents Gigi. --We're not sure what that means, exactly. Gloria said she has no intention of calling a press conference at this time . . . so it's not clear whether Gigi is looking to cash in.
(--Here are some pictures of Gigi. Compared to that Patty Baena chick, she's Miss Universe.) (

We Will Hear About More Arnold Schwarzenegger Love Children, Says Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman:

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER has admitted to one illegitimate child. But there could be more. And if there are, one person who won't be surprised is JANE SEYMOUR, a.k.a. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. --Jane says she wasn't surprised when Arnold admitted to fathering a kid outside his marriage . . . quote, "The moment I heard it, that there was an announcement of their separation . . . --"He was obviously jumping the gun before everyone else told the world of the news." --She also thinks Arnold will have more kids to admit to . . . quote, "From what I gather, I think there will be lots of information coming people's way. --"I heard about two more [children] somebody else knows about. I even met someone who knows him well."

Arnold Only Admitted to His Illegitimate Child Because Maria Caught Him:

Not only did ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER conceal the fact that he had an illegitimate child from his wife for 14 years . . . he technically didn't even scratch up the balls to tell her about it on his own. --According to and the "Star" tabloid, he only fessed up to it after MARIA SHRIVER figured it out herself. --A so-called "source" says Maria confronted the housekeeper, PATTY BAENA, and asked her if Arnold was the father of her kid. She broke down and admitted it . . . and then Maria went back to Arnold, who couldn't do anything but confess.

"South Park" Made Fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger This Week:

This week's episode of "South Park" opened with the kids talking about the ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER scandal. And Butters thought he saw a trailer for a new Terminator movie where Arnold fights Skeletor. --But Kyle and Stan had to explain that it was real life . . . and it wasn't Skeletor, it was MARIA SHRIVER. (--You can see the clip here. WARNING: This video includes the phrase "God dammit" and bleeped profanity.)
The Spike TV "Guys Choice Awards" Will Honor Jennifer Aniston for "A Decade of Hotness":

The Spike TV "Guys Choice Awards" will honor JENNIFER ANISTON for a DECADE OF HOTNESS. --Spike VP Casey Patterson says, quote, "Decade of Hotness is Guys Choice's ultimate term of endearment for a woman that we just can't get enough of." --Jennifer will be on hand to collect the award. The ceremony airs June 10th. --Previous Decade of Hotness honorees include HALLE BERRY and CHARLIZE THERON.

Sarah Palin's Son Track Got Married:

SARAH PALIN'S 22-year-old son Track got married recently. There's no word on the actual wedding date. It was kind of a small, quiet affair. They plan to have a bigger celebration with family and friends at a ski resort this winter. --Track's new wife is 21-year-old Britta Hanson, his high school sweetheart. (--Check out a couple wedding pics here.) (People)

Hustler Is Going to Make an Osama Bin Laden Porno:

We now know that OSAMA BIN LADEN loved the porno . . . just LOVED IT! And Hustler Video is going to commemorate his love by making the Osama bin Laden porno movie. --It'll be called "This Ain't Osama bin Laden XXX" . . . and sadly, that's all we know about it at this point.

Peter Fonda Says President Obama Is a Traitor:

"Easy Rider" star PETER FONDA is fed up with PRESIDENT OBAMA over his handling of the BP Oil Spill. In fact, he says Obama is TRAITOR for allowing the Brits to call the shots. --Speaking at the Cannes Film Festival, Fonda said, quote, "I sent an email to President Obama saying, 'You are a [effing] traitor,' using those words . . . --"[I said,] 'You're a traitor, you allowed foreign boots on our soil telling our military . . . in this case the coastguard . . . what they can and could not do, and telling us, the citizens of the United States, what we could or could not do'." --He also called BP, quote, "a bunch of Brits" . . . adding, quote, "I thought we kicked them out a long time ago. They tried to get back in in 1812, but they didn't make it." --Fonda is in Cannes with a documentary he co-produced called "The Big Fix". It's about the BP oil spill and its consequences. --He's also in the movie . . . and he gets turned away by BP cleanup crews when he tries to get onto Louisiana beaches to record the damage. (--This may come as a shock, but Peter Fonda could be slightly off-base with the BP thing. If you have a few hours to kill, check out a long article that breaks down some rumors about BP running the cleanup efforts, here.)

Lady Gaga Says She's Not More Important Than Oprah:

LADY GAGA may have stolen OPRAH WINFREY'S spot at the top of "Forbes" magazine's Celebrity 100 list . . . but she doesn't think she deserves it. --She says, quote, "That's very nice, only Oprah is infinitely more important and influential than me. I'm just grateful to have even ever met her, really. --"What matters most to me is how the fans feel about the work that I'm doing and the music. But it's always really, really nice to get compliments like that. I really appreciate it." (--Here's video. It's a long interview, but these particular comments are at the very beginning.)

Kesha Wants Fans to Send Their Teeth to Her . . . So She Can Make a Necklace:

A fan recently sent KESHA a tooth . . . and that gave her an idea: She wants to make an entire necklace out of her fans' teeth. -She recently posted this on Twitter . . . quote, "I've received 1 tooth from a fan. I made it into a necklace. But now I really wanna make a fan tooth necklace to wear to an awards show.--"So. What I'm getting at is please send me your teeth. I'm dead serious. I need your teeth. --She added, quote, "I love my fans btw. Let me wear ur teeth." And she posted an address where fans can send the teeth. (--You'll find it on her Twitter page if you're interested . . . and crazy.) --Kesha already has a weird necklace . . . which includes remnants of her own placenta. --She recently said, quote, "My favorite keepsake is my placenta. My mom found it in my basement, crushed it up, and made into a necklace that I wear every day to improve my psychic abilities." (???)
(NC-17) Lindsay Lohan Got a Restraining Order Against a Man She Thinks Wants to Sexually Assault Her:

LINDSAY LOHAN has been granted a restraining order against a man she claims wants to sexually assault her. --Lindsay says that David Cocordan has been stalking and harassing her for two years . . . and his behavior has intensified over the last month or so. --She says Cocordan has been to her home at least three times, followed her to public appearances and bombarded her with more than a hundred text messages and phone calls expressing, quote, "delusional thoughts and irrational feelings about his belief that [he and Lohan] are in a relationship." --For instance, he texted her earlier this month and said, quote, "I'm glad we are engaged." --But it was another text he sent this month that got her really worried, since it was a lot more sexual in nature. --She told the court, quote, "I am afraid that this text message shows that Mr. Cocordan intends to sexually assault me."

Check Out Sean Penn Looking Like Robert Smith from The Cure in His New Movie:

SEAN PENN'S weird new movie, "This Must Be the Place", premieres today at the Cannes Film Festival. It's about an aging, '80s new wave rock star who goes hunting for an old Nazi war criminal. --Sean Penn's character basically looks like an over-the-hill ROBERT SMITH from THE CURE . . . with makeup and a crazy wig. (--Technically you don't need Sean Penn for this role. If you want an over-the-hill Robert Smith, you can just hire Robert Smith.) --Anyway, a clip from the movie appeared online yesterday . . . and it looks pretty weird. Without seeing more of the movie it's impossible to tell if it's GOOD weird or BAD weird. (--Here's the clip . . . which also features FRANCES MCDORMAND and a dog lying at the bottom of an empty swimming pool wearing a CONE OF SHAME.)

"Titanic" Hits Theaters in 3D Next April:

The 3D re-release of "Titanic" will hit theaters on April 6th, 2012. The 100th anniversary of the Titanic's first . . . and LAST . . . voyage is four days later, on April 10th. --JAMES CAMERON says, quote, "There's a whole generation that's never seen 'Titanic' as it was meant to be seen, on the big screen. And this will be 'Titanic' as you've never seen it before . . . --"With the emotional power intact and the images more powerful than ever, this will be an epic experience for fans and newcomers alike."

Movies That Should Not Be Made: A "Carrie" Remake:

The Hollywood Remake Machine is still in full swing. And thanks to it, we now have our latest Movie That Should Not Be Made. -It's a new film adaptation of STEPHEN KING'S first published novel, "Carrie". --Director BRIAN DE PALMA made the original movie, which came out in 1976. It starred SISSY SPACEK as the awkward, telekinetic teen who turns her prom into an EPIC FAIL. (???) --PIPER LAURIE played the religious freak mom who made Carrie such a mess in the first place . . . and a young JOHN TRAVOLTA played one of Carrie's high school tormentors.
--It's one of the all-time great horror flicks, and should be left alone. With that in mind, here are the Three Reasons Why a New Version of "Carrie" Should Not Be Made:

#1.) There are SO many bad Stephen King movies out there. Why remake ONE OF THE BEST FREAKIN' ONES??? Have you people never heard of "The Lawnmower Man"?

#2.) Pig's blood? What would PETA say?

#3.) The first "Carrie" may very well have been inadvertently responsible for LARRY THE CABLE GUY'S rise to power. Seriously . . . in this 35-year-old movie, John Travolta uttered the phrase "Git 'r' done" LONG before Larry ever did. (--Don't believe me? Check out this clip. He says it 17 seconds in.) --What if this movie were to somehow create the NEXT Larry the Cable Guy? If you could, you'd stop that before it had a chance to happen, wouldn't you?

The CW Has Announced Their New Shows for the 2011-2012 Season:

This week, all the major networks are unveiling their schedules for next season. --The CW revealed their plans yesterday. They're launching six new shows . . . three dramas and three reality shows. Here's the quick rundown: --"The Ringer": This show is essentially a hand-me-down. It was originally being developed at CBS . . . but it didn't make their cut. The CW picked it up, and they're talking it up like it's the head of the class. --It features Sarah Michelle Gellar playing twins . . . one who's "a recovering junkie with a dark past," and one who's rich and has "a dark present." Clever. --The action begins when the junkie twin witnesses a murder, and is being chased down by the mob. She begins masquerading as her twin . . . but discovers that her sister's life is "just as complicated and dangerous" as her own. --"Hart of Dixie": Rachel Bilson plays a New York City doctor who moves to an eccentric small town in rural Alabama to become a general practitioner. Which basically sounds like the female version of "Everwood" . . . and "Doc Hollywood". --"The Secret Circle": This drama seems a lot like "Vampire Diaries" . . . only with witches. And that makes sense because it's based on a series of books by L.J. Smith, the woman who also wrote the books that "Vampire Diaries" is based on. The hot young cast includes Thomas Dekker, a.k.a. John Connor on "The Sarah Connor Chronicles". --"H8R": Yes, that's "Hater" . . . "H-8-R." It's a reality show hosted by Mario Lopez, in which celebrities go "head-to-head" with normal people who HATE them. The celebrities' objective is apparently to "win over" their haters. --There are different stars each week. Kim Kardashian and Snooki are the only two they've announced so far. --"The Frame": A "Big Brother"-type show where pairs of people are filmed 24/7, while living together in seclusion somewhere . . . and can be sent home by viewers. --"Re-Modeled ": A reality show about modeling agencies (--You can watch a few short preview clips at

The CW's Cancellations and Renewals:

The CW previously announced that they're NOT bringing their cheerleading show "Hellcats" back. But amazingly, they are bringing "One Tree Hill" back for one last season. There will be 13 more episodes. --The CW has also renewed: "Gossip Girl", "The Vampire Diaries", "Nikita", "90210", "Supernatural", and "America's Next Top Model".


Haley Reinhart Is History . . . Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina Are in the "American Idol" Finale:

For weeks now, America hasn't been sure whether or not to eliminate HALEY REINHART. Well this week, they finally pulled the trigger. That means SCOTTY MCCREERY and LAUREN ALAINA will compete in the "Idol" finale next week. --For what it's worth, RYAN SEACREST said 95 million votes were cast, which is roughly 15 million more than were cast when last year's Top Three competed. (--This is just baseless speculation, but I have a hunch that a good portion of those 95 million votes were cast by young, Southern belles who were horrified to see Scotty in the Bottom Two last week.) (--I predict that Haley still has a big career ahead of her and will probably outlast both Scotty and Lauren. She's got talent and she's got her looks. Hell, Miranda Lambert finished third on "Nashville Star" and look at her now.)

25 Things You Don't Know About Scotty McCreery, Lauren Alaina and Haley Reinhart . . . Not That You Care About Her Anymore:

"Us" magazine did a "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" feature with some interesting facts about "American Idol's" SCOTTY MCCREERY, LAUREN ALAINA and HALEY REINHART . . . not that anyone cares about her anymore. --Here are a few highlights from each of their lists:

--17-year-old Scotty:

--"The first concert I went to was James Taylor."
--"I don't like to put a lid on cups I drink out of. No straw, either."
--"I drink coffee every morning before school."
--"I love my Egyptian cotton bedsheets."
--"My name was going to be Evan, but my parents decided to call me Scotty on the way to the hospital."

--16-year-old Lauren:

--"I sleep with my head under the covers."
--"I don't like people to sit on my bed after it's made."
--"I don't like odd numbers."
--"I love pizza but I only eat the toppings."
--"I have a special calling and would like to work with children with special needs."

--20-year-old Haley:

--"I'm a hula-hoop champ."
--"I believe in the supernatural."
--"I love milk."
--"One day I hope to own a spider monkey."
--"I need sunshine in my life and sweet romance."

(--You can check out the complete lists, here.)

Cee Lo Green Says All Four "Voice" Judges Will Be Back Next Season:

All four coaches on "The Voice" will be back next season, according to CEE LO GREEN. --He told, quote, "We've already been secured for a second season, so prepare to see a lot more of myself, Christina [Aguilera], Blake [Shelton] and Adam [Levine]." --When asked if it was a LOCK, Cee Lo added, quote, "That would be the safe assumption. I haven't heard anything other than that. I'll be there, that's for sure."

Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg Are Doing a new "Digital Short" on "Saturday Night Live":

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE is hosting Saturday Night Live" this weekend . . . and word has it that he and ANDY SAMBERG are doing another "Digital Short" that's kind of a follow-up to their previous videos, "[Man part] in a Box" and "Motherlover". (--You can watch "[Man part] in a Box" here, and "Motherlover here. WARNING!!! There's bleeped profanity in both clips.) --We don't know anything about it, except that they were spotted filming in the same costumes they wore in the originals . . . and SUSAN SARANDON, who was in "Motherlover", was supposedly on the set, too.

Kirstie Alley Kissed Romeo on the Lips . . . But It Was Just a Joke for the Paparazzi:

KIRSTIE ALLEY was photographed kissing ROMEO . . . on the lips . . . outside the "Dancing with the Stars" rehearsal space yesterday. But it was just a joke for the paparazzi. (--Romeo was eliminated last week.) --When Romeo and Kirstie left the studio, a crowd of photographers got into position and began snapping pictures. That's when Kirstie walked up to Romeo . . . and gave him a good long kiss on the lips. --They both laughed afterwards about how CRAZY it was. (--Here's video.)

Friday TV Reminders:

--"Supernatural" [6th Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on the CW.

--"Kitchen Nightmares" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"CMT's Next Superstar" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CMT. (--The four remaining contestants perform inspirational songs for volunteers at a mobile food pantry for the needy after volunteering themselves.)

--"Primetime: What Would You Do?" [4th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--This week's scenarios include pageant moms who go too far with pageant prep for their young children.)

--"20/20" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--A look at celebrities who've pimped everything from anti-acne products to cooking grills.)

--"Storytellers" [Special] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1. (--Cee-Lo Green performs nine songs and discusses his music.)

Saturday TV Reminders:

--"Jake and the Never Land Pirates" . . . 8:30 to 9:00 A.M. on the Disney Channel. (--Original "Batman" himself Adam West guests as the voice of a wise old parrot on this children's animated series.)

--"NBA Playoffs: Thunder vs. Mavericks" [Western Conference Finals Game 3] . . . 9:00 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on ESPN. (--The Oklahoma City Thunder host the Dallas Mavericks.)

--"Chase" [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC.

--"Austin City Limits" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. (--Sarah McLachlan and Duffy perform.) (REPEAT)

--"Running Wilde" [SERIES Finale] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on FX.

--"Ben Bailey: Road Rage" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 12:30 A.M. on Comedy Central. (--"Cash Cab" host/comedian Ben Bailey performs standup.)

--"Saturday Night Live" [36th Season Finale] . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. (--Justin Timberlake guest hosts and Lady Gaga is the musical guest.) (--Word has it that Justin and Andy Samberg are doing another "Digital Short" that's kind of a follow-up to "[Man part] in a Box" and "Motherlover".)

Sunday TV Reminders:

--"NBA Playoffs: Heat vs. Bulls" [Eastern Conference Finals Game 3] . . . 8:30 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on TNT. (--The Miami Heat host the Chicago Bulls.)

--"America's Funniest Home Videos" [21st Season Finale] . . . 7:00 to 8:00 P.M. on ABC.

--"American Dad" [6th Season Finale] . . . 7:30 to 8:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"The 2011 Billboard Music Awards" . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Your host is Ken Jeong from "The Hangover" and performers include Cee-Lo Green, Nicki Minaj, Pitbull, Jennifer Lopez, Black Eyed Peas, Rihanna, Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum and Taio Cruz.) (--Here are the nominees.)

--"Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure" . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Disney Channel. (--Ashley Tisdale returns as "High School Musical's" Sharpay Evans. She moves to New York with her dog Boi to audition for a Broadway musical.)

--"The Simpsons" [22nd Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on Fox. (--Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer guest voices himself when Ned Flanders learns that Edna Krabappel once dated him.)
--"Bob's Burgers" [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"Celebrity Apprentice" [11th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.

--"Family Guy" [9th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Anne Hathaway, Carrie Fisher, Rush Limbaugh and H. Jon Benjamin guest voice as the "Star Wars" trilogy concludes.)

--"Jesse Stone: Innocents Lost" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS. (--"Blue Bloods" star Tom Selleck returns in this seventh installment of police chief Jesse Stone when a teenage girl he once tried to help is murdered.)

--"The Borgias" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Showtime.

--"Strange Sex" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TLC.

Katy Perry's Tour Rider Emphatically Bans Carnations: got their hands on the rider for KATY PERRY'S current tour. --Among other things, Katy details exactly what kind of furniture and appliances she wants in her dressing room . . . along with her preferred color and floral schemes. In fact, Katy gets specific about the flowers. --Katy wants, quote, "White and purple hydrangeas . . . pink and white roses and peonies." If that isn't possible, Katy says she'll settle for a "selection of seasonal white flowers to include white orchids." --However, she warns, quote, "ABSOLUTELY NO CARNATIONS." That is not only in all caps . . . it's also UNDERLINED. --It's unclear what her beef is with carnations, but all that emphasis makes the result seem dire. Maybe carnations send her into Anaphylactic shock. --The rider also doles out some rules for the chauffeurs, who aren't allowed to, quote, "start a conversation with" her. And her drivers shouldn't stare at her through the rear-view mirror . . . or ask her for autographs or pictures. (--You can see an excerpt of the rider at

Could "American Idol's" Scotty McCreery Be the Next Taylor Swift?

SCOTTY MCCREERY may or may not end up winning "American Idol". It's down to him and LAUREN ALAINA. But I'm willing to bet he's going to have a solid career either way. And here's why. --He's already writing songs that can make young girls cry. That's according to Scotty's longtime guitar teacher . . . a man named Gary Epperson. He said, quote, "I heard (Scotty) do a song about a girl. --"It was about how she had broken his heart . . . and the girl at the party (was) cryin'." --Obviously, one song doesn't make a career . . . but this does prove Scotty has skills. The kind of skills that have made TAYLOR SWIFT one of the biggest stars on the planet.


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

LORENZO LAMA'S ex-wife SHAUNA SAND was arrested Wednesday night for fighting with her new husband. She may have even MACED him. The husband was also arrested for battery against her. Lorenzo is now trying to get custody of their three young daughters away from Shauna. (Full Story)

DEMI LOVATO got into a fender-bender in L.A. the other day. (Full Story)

Even JOHN TRAVOLTA tried to help JEFF CONAWAY get clean . . . but to no avail. (Full Story)

Director LARS VON TRIER was expelled from the Cannes Film Festival for those Nazi jokes he made. He said he was shocked and disappointed by the decision. (Full Story)

The New York City fire station that served as the headquarters for the "Ghostbusters" may be closed due to budget cuts. (Full Story)

A University of Florida student who was studying abroad in Italy partied with the "Jersey Shore" cast . . . and the school is NOT happy. An administrator sent an email to their students demanding that they not party with the "Jersey Shore" cast. But the school later softened its position. (Full Story)

ROSIE PEREZ is suing "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" . . . saying that she injured her neck while shooting a guest appearance on the show in 2009. (Full Story)

There's talk that JARED LETO'S band 30 SECONDS TO MARS is splitting up, but the whole thing may be overblown. The band has yet to comment. (Full Story)



Photos of the Day: People Built Huge Levees Around Their Houses to Keep Out the Mississippi Flooding:

The flooding along the Mississippi River is no joke. In fact, it's a catastrophic natural disaster for the region. But some people in the area decided not to go down without a fight . . . -There's a really cool photo essay online, showing all the farmers who built HUGE levees of earth and sand around their homes, to save their houses from destruction. And in a bunch of cases, it WORKED. --The aerial shots of their properties are pretty amazing . . . because around the houses that survived, EVERYTHING else is under deep water. (--You can find them online by Googling "Islands in the stream: The extraordinary homemade dams holding back the Mississippi as desperate residents try to save their homes." Check them out here.)

The Fringe Christian Group Predicting the Apocalypse Has Ridden That Prediction to $100 Million in Donations:

Predicting the end of the world is BIG BUSINESS. Huge. In fact, after you hear this, you're probably going to say to yourself, "Damn, I need to predict the apocalypse fast." --Family Radio is the fringe Christian sect out of Oakland, California that's predicting the world is going to end tomorrow. Ready to hear how much money they've made in donations thanks to that prediction? --Try $100 MILLION. One. Hundred. Million. Dollars. -Over the past seven years, they've taken in nine figures. And as the prediction has gotten closer, the donations have spiked. They've made about $28 million of that $100 million in the past 18 months. --Harold Camping is the head of Family Radio, and he says they haven't been able to spend all the money before the Rapture tomorrow. It's almost like he's saving some in case he's wrong . . . --But that's just me being a cynical nonbeliever. Camping is 89 years old, and he says, quote, "We will [have money left] because we have to pay bills up to the very end, [but] it will all be destroyed because the world will be in a day of judgment." --He also says, quote, "I've never taken one nickel out of Family Radio. Many evangelists have become very rich but my wife and I live very modestly." --Family Radio is a nonprofit. They own 66 radio stations around the country and have used the donations to put their May 21st prediction on more than 5,000 billboards. (Everett Herald)

For $135, an Atheist Will Take Care of Your Pet After the World Ends Tomorrow:

In case you haven't heard, a fringe Christian sect has predicted that the rapture is happening tomorrow. And sure, they made the same prediction in 1994 and they were wrong, but this time they say they're serious. --Obviously, after the sin-free life you've led, you and your family are going to get the call up to heaven tomorrow. Good news for you guys . . . bad news for your dog. Because he's going to be left behind. --Fortunately, there's an answer. A group of atheists run a company called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. And for a price, they'll take care of your pet once you're up in heaven hanging out with three of the four "Golden Girls" and Abe Lincoln. --See, they KNOW they're getting left behind when the apocalypse happens. And they're willing to make sure your pets find a good home. --Their service costs $135 for the first pet and $20 for every additional pet. Paid in advance, of course. So if you want the service, you'd better sign up today. --The contract you sign with them is good for 10 years, so even if the Rapture somehow DOESN'T happen tomorrow, they've got your back if it comes between now and 2021. --Eternal Earth-Bound Pets says that 259 people have already signed up for their service . . . meaning that if everyone had just one pet, they've already made a cool $34,965. (Yahoo News) --Here's their website.)

The Federal Government Put Out a Manual For Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse:

Someone over at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has a sense of humor that we've NEVER seen before out of the federal government. Either that, or they genuinely believe the prediction that the world is ending tomorrow. --The CDC just released their preparedness guide for a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. They posted it online, and the opening paragraph says, quote, "You may laugh now, but when it happens you'll be happy you read this." --It's a way for them to go over normal disaster tips, like evacuation routes, but in an attention-grabbing way. As in, quote "When zombies are hungry they won't stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! --"Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don't have a chance!" (

Gossip Is Actually a Really Useful Way to Remember People:

Gossip is a bad thing, since it causes problems and hurts people's feelings and all that. But you know what else is bad? When you meet someone and instantly forget their name. And according to a new study, gossip can actually prevent that. --The study found that when people saw a photo and heard a negative rumor about the person in the photo, they were FAR more likely to remember that person than if they heard a positive rumor, or nothing at all. --The researchers who ran the study at Northeastern University in Boston say it probably happens because we instinctively use negative gossip to learn who might HARM us. And that heightens our senses, so we remember the person better. (MSN)

The Number of Marriages That Last Has Gone Up:

People are getting married later than they used to. And while that's unleashing all sorts of HORRORS like premarital sex and men and women living together and not having their own twin beds . . . it's actually making marriage stronger. --According to new data from the U.S. Census Bureau, 75% of couples who got married in the '90s celebrated a 10-year wedding anniversary. That's up a very significant 3% from couples who got married in the '80s. --The main reason for the increase is that people are getting married later in life. When people wait to get married they tend to be more mature, more financially secure, and more understanding of what they really want in a husband or wife. --It's also letting people finish their education before they get married. Studies have shown that people without a college degree are three times more likely to get divorced within 10 years than people with a degree. --The Census Bureau data also shows that more than half of the married couples in the U.S. have been together at least 15 years. About one in three have been together 25 years, and 6% have been married more than 50 years. (Washington Post)

Want Even More Attention For Your Pregnancy? Hold a "Gender Reveal" Party:

I think pregnant women just figured out a way to suck even MORE attention and gifts out of us. Apparently there's a new trend where people have "Gender Reveal" parties. At least, the media is calling it a trend, for whatever that's worth. --It's a party held by a pregnant woman after her 20-week ultrasound. Instead of learning the baby's gender at the appointment, she has the doctor give it to her in a sealed envelope. --Then she throws a party and opens the envelope to reveal the baby's gender. (--And I'm sure whatever the result is, all the women at the party squeal and say "Aww" and I look for a noose to hang myself.) (Daily Mail)

You Can Now View Every Single "Playboy" In History For $8 a Month:

I completely understand the desire of the people at Playboy to live in the past. Thirty, forty years ago they were kings of the world. Today, it'd take you about four seconds to pull up a photo online of a woman having relations with an octopus. --So yesterday, Playboy launched a new web subscription service that gives you access to every single page of every single issue of "Playboy" magazine ever . . . for only $8 a month, or $60 a year. --There have been 682 issues of "Playboy" in the past 57 years, from the first issue with MARILYN MONROE on the cover, to the most recent one with MICK JAGGER'S daughter Lizzy on the cover. --For your subscription you get all the nude photos, and if you read "Playboy" for the articles, you get all of those too. (cnet) (--Check it out at

Would You Drive a Ferrari Hatchback?

I can't think of anyone who buys a Ferrari for its family-friendly look and cargo room. --But if you're someone who would . . . your moment has finally arrived. This month, Ferrari will start delivering its first ever HATCHBACK. --The car is called the Ferrari FF. "FF" stands for "four seats, four-wheel drive." And even though it's a family car in theory, it's still a Ferrari . . . with a 6.3-liter V12 engine and zero-to-60 in 3.7 seconds. --The sticker price starts at $370,000, and even THEY know they're probably not going to get that many buyers . . . so they're only manufacturing 800 to be sold worldwide. --Luca Cordero di Montezemolo is the chairman of Ferrari. He says they decided to make the car because, quote, "Ferrari used to be the car you kept in your garage, took out to polish and show, and put back into the garage. --"Today, people want to do more with a car." (New York Times) (--Here's a photo of the white Ferrari FF. I don't know, man. It looks like a Ferrari, but something just doesn't feel right. It's like getting yourself a high-end prostitute who's missing an eye. Or something.)

A School Won't Let Students Honor a Dead Classmate at Graduation . . . Because It Might Offend the Bullies Who Drove Him to Suicide:

The complete lack of logic, justice, and brains in this is so ridiculous, it's hard to believe it's real. --In 2009, a 16-year-old student named Alex Harrison at Cadillac High School in Cadillac, Michigan killed himself. He was the victim of bullying, and that eventually drove him to suicide. --His classmates will graduate next week, and a group of them asked the administration if they could have an empty chair at graduation, in Alex's memory. --And the school said "no." Their reason? Having an empty chair might offend the BULLIES who drove him to suicide and are now graduating. --Seriously. --The students also wanted to have a second empty chair for another dead classmate named Bobby Davis. He died in 2006 while playing the "choking game" . . . that's where kids basically strangle themselves to get high. The request for his chair was also denied. --But both students' names will be mentioned in the graduation program, and, last night, the school announced that there will be a moment of silence at the graduation ceremony instead of the empty chairs. (NBC 7 - Traverse City)


Police in Ohio are Searching For a Bank Robber Identified Only By His Hardcore Mullet:

I would have thought that if you're planning to rob a bank, you'd want to look as inconspicuous as possible. You wouldn't want to go the EXACT opposite direction, and rock a haircut that makes every single head turn, and even inspires some people to take photos. --But that's what a man known as the MULLET BANDIT did in Ohio. --According to the police in Columbus, this man with a prominent mullet is suspected of robbing two banks . . . a Chase branch on the 5th of the month and a Fifth Third Bank branch on Wednesday. --Both times he's had a Seattle Mariners baseball cap on with his mullet flowing out of the back. (--Um . . . did anyone else think that maybe the police should question RANDY JOHNSON?) --The cops are still trying to track him down. There's no word on how much money he's gotten in the two robberies. (Columbus Dispatch) (--Here's a surveillance camera image of the Mullet Bandit with his Mariners cap, dark sunglasses . . . and, of course, party in the back. And a picture of Randy Johnson, who puts this guy TO SHAME.)
A Driver Hits a Pedestrian, Leaves the Scene . . . And Later, Finds Out Her Hit-and-Run Victim Was Her Dad:

Well, if we're going to blame this woman's parents for raising her wrong, at least they got what was coming to them. --In Bradenton, Florida, yesterday around 1:00 A.M. 21-year-old Brittanie Wagner was driving and HIT a passenger who was walking by the side of the road. She decided to FLEE the scene. --When the cops tracked her down and pulled her over shortly after, she found out that her hit-and-run victim was . . . HER OWN FATHER. --Brittanie told the cops she thought she hit, quote, "an animal or a garbage can." Her dad, 42-year-old Oliver Wagner, was walking home from a billiards hall. --Fortunately Oliver was alright . . . he was treated for minor injuries and released. Brittanie was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident and also for failing to obey the corrective lenses restriction on her driver's license. (The Smoking Gun)

A TSA Agent Was Busted For Stealing From a Traveler's Suitcase:

Anyone need ANOTHER reason to have beef with the TSA? Let's throw this one on the pile too. --31-year-old Ryan Driscoll was a TSA agent at Los Angeles International Airport, working a terminal that serves Continental, United, and Delta. --And back on the 10th, he was arrested . . . for STEALING something out of a traveler's suitcase. --That's right. Driscoll was supposedly examining the contents of the suitcase for security purposes . . . and pocketed something. --The item he stole hasn't been released . . . and it also hasn't been revealed how he was caught. --Driscoll was arrested for felony theft and will be in court on June 3rd. He's been a TSA agent since 2002. (Torrance Daily Breeze)

2011 Hurricane Season Will Be Above Average

The nation’s top meteorologists issued their 2011 hurricane-season forecast yesterday, predicting an above-average season. Hurricane season for the western Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico begins June 1st and lasts through November 30th. That’s when about 90% of the storms form. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) warned that this year’s season will be above average, with as many as 10 hurricanes. While 2011 will be above average or severe, it probably won’t be as dramatic as last year, NOAA said. The 2010 hurricane season was predicted to be devastating, with as many as 14 hurricanes; it ended up as the third most active on record. NOAA’s forecast for 2011 predicts 12 to 18 named storms. Of those, NOAA expects 6 to 10 hurricanes, with 3 to 6 becoming major storms.

Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Website of the Day: MacRecipes . . . which shows you how to make everything "MacGyver" ever created. (Full Story)

A 48-year-old guy in Philly was busted for robbing a 93-year-old woman in an elevator, who fought back to keep him from taking her four bucks. She confronted him in court on Wednesday, and told the judge, quote, "If you are being attacked, you're supposed to hand over your valuables and not make a fuss, but damn it, I worked all my life for that money." (Full Story)

A Fox News poll asked people if they believed bin Laden was met by 72 virgins in heaven . . . and 3% said yes. (PDF of Poll Results)

There's a principal in Florida who's known for hypnotizing students to help them with stress and exams. But now he's under fire . . . because one of them committed suicide a day after the hypnosis. (Full Story)

A new law called the Plain Writing Act is getting under way. It requires the Federal government to use plain language instead of bureaucratic phrases in their documents. So instead of this:

--"Timely preparation, including structural and non-structural mitigation measures to avoid the impacts of severe winter weather, can avert heavy personal, business and government expenditures."

--It'll be more like this: "Severe winter weather can be extremely dangerous. Consider these safety tips to protect your property and yourself." (Full Story)


#1.) "South Park" Made Fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger . . . And Compared Maria Shriver to Skeletor:

This week's episode of "South Park" opened with the kids talking about the ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER scandal. And Butters thought he saw a trailer for a new Terminator movie where Arnold fights Skeletor. --But Kyle and Stan had to explain that it was real life . . . and it wasn't Skeletor, it was MARIA SHRIVER. (--Search on for "South Park Has Some Fun With the Schwarzenegger Scandal.") (--WARNING: This video includes the phrase "God dammit" and bleeped profanity.)

#2.) Daniel Tosh From "Tosh.0" Let Manny Pacquiao Punch Him in the Face:

On a new episode of "Tosh.0" this week, DANIEL TOSH stepped into a boxing ring and took a punch from MANNY PACQUIAO. It didn't look like Manny hit him as hard as he could have. --But it was still a solid shot, and Tosh immediately hit the canvas. Then he stood up and put his arms in the air like he was the winner. (--Search the Tosh.0 website for "Manny Pacquiao Punch. He gets punched at 1:33.") (--WARNING: This video includes the S-word.)

#3.) A Mailman Accidentally Left His Truck Running in Reverse . . . And When He Tried to Get Back In, He Got Run Over:

There's new security footage video on from last June, but someone just posted it. Its shows a mailman drive into a parking lot and hop out of his mail truck. --But he doesn't realize he put the truck in reverse, and it starts driving in circles backward. Then when he tries to get back in . . . it knocks him down. The view's obscured, so you don't actually see him get hit. --But you see him lying on the ground afterward. Then the mail truck almost runs him over AGAIN, but misses him and hits a parked car. (--Search for "Here Comes the Mailman." He gets hit at :26.)

Four Ways to Avoid Seeming Old on a Date:

Arnold Schwarzenegger is 63, Maria Shriver is 55, and they're both single again. It's more common than ever for married couples to split up when they're older, but trying to date again can be tough.

--So here's a list from of four ways to make sure you don't seem older than you really are when you start seeing someone.

#1.) Talk About Your Kids, But Not Too Much. It's a good way to bond if your date has kids too. But if you ONLY talk about your children, you'll seem like you don't have anything going on in YOUR life.

#2.) Don't Just Talk About Things You Did 30 Years Ago. It's okay to mention the trip you took to France in 1976. But you'll seem ounger and more full of life if you concentrate on things you've done RECENTLY.

#3.) Try Not to Be Negative. Complaining, criticizing, and being cynical are all stereotypical things "old" people do. And it's not how you should act on a date anyway.

#4.) Don't Be Afraid to Share. You'll seem old if you only make small talk and stick with topics that are safe. But if you're willing to open up and talk about your personal life, you'll seem more contemporary. (

The Five Classic Things Women Do That Annoy Single Men:

We love you, ladies, we really do. But that doesn't mean you make dating easy, because you really don't. So here are the five classic things women do that drive single men crazy. You've heard 'em before, but you NEED to hear them again.

#1.) Playing Games and Creating Drama. Whether it's playing head games, using the silent treatment to get attention, or being irrationally jealous over a guy's platonic female friends, there's no place for it in a healthy relationship.

#2.) Expecting the Guy To Pay for Everything. Most guys don't mind picking up the tab early on, but after a few dates, it's nice for the woman to contribute. Especially once you've established that you're exclusive.

#3.) Wanting To Know Where the Relationship Is Going. Dating is supposed to be about getting to know another person . . . not a race to a serious relationship. So, wait months . . . not weeks . . . for the where-is-this-going talk.

#4.) Being Controlling. Most guys can't STAND women who try to control them. And you'll have plenty of time to do it after you're married. So when you start dating, give your man a chance to do things HIS way, and only step in if it's absolutely necessary.

#5.) Not Giving Him Enough Time with His Friends. Guys need time with their friends, and as long as his boys' nights out don't include dropping thousands of dollars on the tables or the lap dances, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. (


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