HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (03-08-11)
SHEEN-ANIGANS
Charlie Sheen Has Been Fired By Warner Brothers . . . But He Still Thinks He's Winning:
It finally happened yesterday: Warner Brothers FIRED CHARLIE SHEEN . . . meaning that unless they have a change of heart, his time on "Two and a Half Men" is THROUGH. --Warner Brothers issued a statement saying, quote, "After careful consideration, Warner Brothers Television has terminated Charlie Sheen's services on 'Two and a Half Men' effective immediately." --They did NOT say anything about cancellation. Which means that we now have to spend an undetermined amount of time speculating over who might replace Charlie IF the show goes on. --In Charlie's world, he's still WINNING, of course. And he claims he's HAPPY he was fired. --He issued a statement saying, quote, "This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. --"It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at [what's his face] again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension." (--Charlie didn't actually say "what's his FACE". He used a different word instead of "face". It's a euphemism for the male reproductive organ, and it rhymes with ROCK.) --Just in case Charlie had any questions about his termination, Warner Brothers sent his lawyer an 11-page letter spelling out why they canned him. (--You can see the whole thing here.) --Here are some of the highlights . . . --Warner Brothers gets right to the point, saying, quote, "At the outset, let us state the obvious: Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive behavior and appears to be very ill." --The letter states that efforts were made to help Charlie by giving him time off, reaching out to his family . . . and even offering a private plane to take him to rehab after his most recent hospitalization, which he refused. --But the letter adds, quote, "Regrettably, Mr. Sheen failed to continue with his rehabilitation program. --"The result has been a series of well-chronicled and increasingly erratic outbursts that have culminated with Mr. Sheen's public tirades of the last few weeks." --Those tirades were marked by, quote, "inflammatory comments" that were "poisoning key working relationships." Obviously, they're mostly referring to Charlie's relationship with CHUCK LORRE. --Despite Charlie's claim that he always showed up on the set ready to work, Warner Brothers says he had, quote, "difficulty remembering his lines and hitting his marks." --They also noted that his lifestyle was causing a CHANGE IN HIS APPEARANCE. In other words, he's getting noticeably thinner. Like, crack-addict thinner. --And yes, there's a section in his contract on INCAPACITY. And it includes, quote, "Any material change in Performer's appearance or other attributes." --And they lumped all his recent behavior . . . including his public outbursts, hotel trashings and coke binges . . . under a heading of, quote, "felony offenses involving moral turpitude." --Charlie's lawyer says this is all a smokescreen to cover up the fact that he's being fired because he insulted Chuck Lorre . . . quote, "We feel this is nothing more than Lorre flexing his muscles, and we intend to respond accordingly." --He adds that Warner Brothers is being HYPOCRITICAL . . . because they didn't react this strongly when Charlie assaulted his wife, BROOKE MUELLER, over Christmas of 2009. --He said, quote, "Last year, they told Sheen he could plead guilty to a felony and still do the show. Now they are just upset because they say he disparaged Chuck Lorre. --"We intend to file suit against Warner Brothers Television, Chuck Lorre and everyone involved."
More of Charlie Sheen's Response to His Firing:
CHARLIE SHEEN had more to say about his firing as the day wore on yesterday. He told "Access Hollywood" that he was informed via TEXT. --He said, quote, "These guys are such yellow cockroaches that they didn't even have the decency to call me. I put 5-bill in their cheap suit pockets and another half-a-bil' in what's-his-cheese's pockets and this is the (effing) respect I get? --"It's just deplorable and they should be ashamed of themselves!" He added that what Warner Brothers did was, quote, "the work of silly infants." --Charlie was also spotted at the top of the Live Nation building in Beverly Hills, wielding a huge machete. (--You can see video of that here.) --As you may know, Live Nation is a major concert promoter. There's word going around that Charlie is thinking about doing a LIVE TOUR . . . kind of like what CONAN O'BRIEN did when he left NBC. (--Although obviously without anywhere near the talent.)--Meanwhile, Dallas Mavericks owner MARK CUBAN admits he might be putting Charlie on his HDNet channel. --He says, quote, "It could be a talk show or a reality show. We're trying to decide. Right now, we're taping a lot of different things that he's doing and we'll try to figure it out. It's still not 100% certain."
A New Poll Shows That Charlie Sheen is NOT Winning With the American Public:
A new poll shows that CHARLIE SHEEN is NOT winning with the American public. --In fact, only 16% of those polled have a favorable opinion of Charlie . . . while 71% have an UNFAVORABLE opinion of him. And 42% of them say their opinion is VERY unfavorable. --Meanwhile, 63% of those polled claim they're not even paying attention to the headlines or any of Charlie's crazy talk. 35% admit they're keeping up with it. --As for those who are paying attention, only 18% side with Charlie in his battle with the producers of "Two and a Half Men". And 57% side with the producers. 20% say they support NEITHER. (--I guess that leaves 5% as undecided.) (--At least Charlie is doing better than LINDSAY LOHAN. She got an unfavorable rating from 81% . . . while only 8% said they had a favorable impression of her.) -Despite the public's supposed indifference, Charlie has racked up 2 million Twitter followers and counting, less than one week after launching his account. --He Tweeted, quote, "Another record shattered. We gobbled the soft target that was 2.0 mil, like a bag of a troll-house zombie chow."
Those Warlocks In Salem Performed a "Magical Intervention" for Charlie Sheen:
Those warlocks in Salem performed their "magical intervention" for CHARLIE SHEEN . . . and they invited a Boston TV station to film it. --Head warlock Christian Day had said he wanted to use magic to make Charlie Sheen stop dissing REAL warlocks by using the term to describe himself. Don't worry . . . he said NO HARM would come to Charlie. --After the ceremony, he said, quote, "Charlie Sheen is no warlock . . . for a warlock is a wise person who understands the ways of the spirit world . . . so no truly wise person would betray their own soul the way he has done." (--Check out this insanity here.)
No Court for Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller . . . Yet:
CHARLIE SHEEN and BROOKE MUELLER have put off a custody hearing for the time being . . . because their lawyers are still trying to work out a deal that'll keep them from having to settle things in court. --Sources say there's been progress, but they haven't reached an agreement yet.
Random Sheen-Anigans:
#1.) CHARLIE SHEEN did another webcast yesterday. It was apparently recorded before he was fired. He looks and sounds pretty awful. (--WARNING!!! There's tons of profanity in this one.) (Full Story) (--Has anyone else noticed that Charlie is getting less entertaining every time he gets in front of a camera? It was funny when it was new. Now he's trying too hard, and mostly LOSING.) (--It's also funny . . . although equally tragic . . . the way Charlie's parasites just laugh and hang on every word he says, no matter how stupid and unfunny it is.)
#2.) Charlie Sheen is looking for an intern. Of course, you have to have Tiger Blood. (Full Story)
#3.) Charlie Sheen goddess Natalie Kenly has his autograph tattooed on her leg. (Full Story)
#4.) TOM ARNOLD says he approached one of Charlie's people about helping Charlie get clean. And the dude told him to his face, quote, "We make a lot of money from him. I can't be part of it." (Full Story)
Video of Lindsay Lohan's Alleged Necklace Theft Is on the Internet:
And now we have video. --As expected, "Entertainment Tonight" has released surveillance footage of LINDSAY LOHAN'S alleged necklace theft. (--They posted this clip on their site last night. It's a teaser for what aired on the show. If you hang around for the second clip, you'll see additional footage of Lindsay putting on the necklace, and obviously, not taking it off.) (--And here's a clip of former O.J. SIMPSON prosecutor MARCIA CLARK "breaking down" the video.) --The jewelry store sold the surveillance video to the Associated Press for $35,000. The AP licensed it to "Entertainment Tonight". --Despite talk that the store SABOTAGED the case against Lindsay by selling the tape, the store doesn't believe it'll have any effect. --A spokesperson for the store explains, quote, "We were upset with the various mischaracterizations we were seeing and hearing about the video and its contents, and we felt the video should be allowed to speak for itself. --"[It] should have no impact on the outcome of the criminal proceeding. The video would be released during the actual trial anyway . . . release of the video at this time does not violate any law."
Sophie Monk Is No Longer Engaged to a 50-Year-Old Guy:
31-year-old SOPHIE MONK revealed last night on "Chelsea Lately" that she's no longer engaged to a man old enough to be her dad. --Sophie was going to make The Big Mistake with a 50-year-old French businessman . . . but now it's not happening. She told Chelsea, quote, "I'm newly single." She also added that she might, quote, "turn Samantha Ronson."
Guy Ritchie Is Going to Be a Dad Again:
GUY RITCHIE is going to have another kid. His 29-year-old girlfriend, model Jacqui Ainsley, is pregnant. There's no word on the due date. --Guy has two kids with ex-wife MADONNA. There's 10-year-old Rocco and 5-year-old David, who was adopted from Malawi.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline Didn't Speak at Their Son's Baseball Game:
BRITNEY SPEARS and KEVIN FEDERLINE showed up for their 5-year-old son Sean's first baseball game on Sunday. But they didn't speak a word to each other the entire time. --Kevin is one of the coaches of Sean's team, the Westhill Yankees. Britney showed up with her boyfriend, Jason Trawick. -Kevin's girlfriend, Victoria Prince, was there, too. She even sat right near Britney. But they didn't interact, either. (--Check out a photo gallery here.)
Demi Lovato Taped a Video Message for Her Fans:
DEMI LOVATO posted a video message to her fans yesterday, thanking them for supporting her through, quote, "the darkest point in her life." --She said, quote, "Your support is what got me through this. The journey has been very, very difficult the past few months. I was dealing with issues that I know not only girls just my age but of all ages are dealing with." --She still didn't reveal what made her life so dark and put her into rehab . . . but she promised to talk about it SOMEDAY . . . quote, "I hope to one day raise awareness of everything so I can help people too just like you helped me at this rough time." --She added, quote, "I can't tell you how much light you guys brought into my life . . . Without you guys, I wouldn't be here today . . . I couldn't have done this without you." (--Check out the video here.)
The Finale of "ET" Has Been Voted the Most Powerful Movie Moment:
The finale of "ET" has been voted the Most Powerful Movie Moment in some new British poll. Here's the Top 10 . . .
#1.) "ET", 1982. ET says goodbye to his friends and heads home in a spaceship.
#2.) "Toy Story 3", 2010. The toys hold hands and face their fate as they edge closer to the incinerator. (--SPOILER ALERT! They get saved.)
#3.) "Rocky", 1976. Rocky's title fight.
#4.) "Bambi", 1942. The death of Bambi's mother.
#5.) "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid", 1969. Butch and Sundance leap out of their bunker, guns blazing.
#6.) "The Wizard of Oz", 1939. Dorothy opens the door in her black-and-white house and steps into the colorful world of Oz.
#7.) "Battleship Potemkin", 1925. The "Odessa steps" massacre.
#8.) "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", 1939. The filibuster scene where JIMMY STEWART shouts, quote, "I'm gonna stay right here and fight for this lost cause."
#9.) "Network", 1976. When the news anchor shouts, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
#10.) "Miracle in Milan", 1951. The final scene when Toto and his friends rise into the sky on brooms. (--This is an Italian movie you've probably never heard of. It's not your fault.) (???)
"Last Comic Standing" Finalist Mike DeStefano Has Died:
Comedian MIKE DESTEFANO . . . who came in fourth place on the most recent season of "Last Comic Standing" . . . passed away late Sunday night after suffering a massive heart attack. He was 44. --Mike was HIV-positive and a recovering heroin junkie, who had been clean for about a decade. He talked about his past in his act, and would regularly perform for free at rehab centers and prisons. (--You can watch his "Last Comic Standing" audition, here.) --It doesn't sound like he was dealing with any significant health problems leading up to his death. He had shows scheduled for this week in New York.
Lindsay Lohan Is Upset That "SNL" Made Fun of Her:
"Saturday Night Live" poked some fun at LINDSAY LOHAN over the weekend, and she's not happy about it. --TMZ says she fired off an email to "SNL" czar LORNE MICHAELS saying she was disappointed that he let it happen, because she'd always considered him, quote, "a mentor and a father figure." --This week's host MILEY CYRUS briefly referenced Lindsay's necklace heist and DUI in her monologue, and also played her in their CHARLIE SHEEN sketch. (--Here's the Charlie sketch. Miley begins her Lindsay impression at the 5:00 mark.)
Tuesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)
--"Glee" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Gwyneth Paltrow returns as substitute teacher Holly Holliday. She teaches sex-ed this time and performs Prince's "Kiss", Joan Jett's "Do You Want to Touch Me (Oh Yeah)" and Stevie Nicks' "Landslide".)
--"Dirty Jobs" [7th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Discovery Channel.
--"Southland" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TNT.
--"White Collar" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on USA.
NEW ON VIDEO TODAY
--"Jackass 3-D" - Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, "Wee Man" and the rest of the guys are back, for 3-D pranks like beehive tetherball, and pin-the-tail on a real donkey.
--"The Next Three Days" - Russell Crowe decides he has to break his wife out of prison after she turns suicidal. Elizabeth Banks plays his wife, and Liam Neeson plays an escaped prisoner who gives him advice. Rza and the incredibly sexy Olivia Wilde are also in it.
--"Every Day" - Liev Schreiber tries to stay faithful to his wife after a coworker starts hitting on him. Helen Hunt plays his wife, and Carla Gugino shows off an amazing bikini body as the slut trying to lure him away from his marriage.
--"Morning Glory" - Rachel McAdams plays an ambitious TV producer who hires veteran news anchor Harrison Ford to try to fix a morning show's weak ratings. But he refuses to do any of the standard fluff pieces and takes an immediate disliking to his co-host, Diane Keaton.
--"Tales From Earthsea" - An animated Japanese film, done in the style of "Spirited Away", but based on a collection of stories about humans and dragons by Ursula K. LeGuin. The cast includes Timothy Dalton, Willem Dafoe, Mariska Hargitay and Cheech Marin.
TV Series On DVD:
--"The Walking Dead: Season One" . . . a two-disc DVD set.
--"Hannah Montana Forever: Final Season" . . . a two-disc set of the 4th season.
NEW MUSIC OUT TODAY
--"Glee: The Music, Volume 5" (--It includes Gwyneth Paltrow's three songs from tonight's episode, which are her covers of Prince's "Kiss", Joan Jett's "Do You Want to Touch Me (Oh Yeah)" and Stevie Nicks' "Landslide".)
--"Goodbye Lullaby", Avril Lavigne (--It includes the single "What the Hell".)
--"Collapse Into Now", R.E.M. (--Guest vocalists include Pearl Jam singer Eddie Vedder, Patti Smith and Peaches.)
--"Live at Shea Stadium", Billy Joel (--It was recorded in July of 2008, at the final concerts at New York's Shea Stadium. Special guests include Paul McCartney, Tony Bennett, John Mayer, John Mellencamp, Steven Tyler and Roger Daltrey.)
--"Neil Diamond: The Bang Years", Neil Diamond (--Classic songs that he recorded for Bang Records, including "Shilo", "Red Red Wine", "I'm a Believer", and "Solitary Man".) (--The Monkees turned their cover of "I'm a Believer" into a hit, UB-40 covered "Red Red Wine", and Johnny Cash did "Solitary Man".)
TODAY'S NEW VIDEO GAMES
Two Big Baseball Games and the New "Dragon Age" Drop Today:
--"Major League Baseball 2K11" (E) . . . on Xbox360, PS3, Wii, PC, DS and PSP.
If you are the first person to pitch a perfect game in "Major League Baseball 2K11" then 2K will give you a million dollars. Do you really need another reason to buy this game?
Even if you don't with the million this year's version of 2K's baseball simulator includes an interesting new feature called the Dynamic Player Rating System or DPRS. DPRS updates a player's batting or pitching ability with the last four weeks of the real player's activity, which will include slumps and hot streaks. (Trailer)
--"MLB 11: The Show" (E) . . . on PS3. The premier baseball game franchise of this generation is bringing a host of new features to the party this year . . .
• "The Show" finally includes an analog control system to experience the action. Pure batting, fielding and pitching lets you use the analog sticks to tear up the diamond.
• For the first time in any baseball game you will be able to play co-op online with up to four of your friends.
• There is also a Challenge of the Week online feature, which will support leaderboards and prizes awarded in three tiers.
Other upgrades this year include 3D functionality, stadium specific broadcast camera angles for all 30 MLB teams (which means you play the game exactly the way your TV broadcasts it) and PlayStation Move support for Home Run Derby Mode. (Trailer)
--"Dragon Age 2" (M) . . . on Xbox360, PS3, and PC. In this fantasy RPG you're a survivor of the Darkspawn horde's destruction of Lothering, who rises to become the Champion of Kirkwall.
"Romance" is reportedly possible with characters throughout the game. This means we should be in for some hot, PG-13 human-on-elf or even dwarf-on-orc action. (???) It brings a whole new level to "interracial" relations. (Trailer)
ESRB Game Ratings: (E) for Everyone; (T) for Teen; (M) for Mature (18+)
Phil Collins Is *Not* Retiring:
Diehard PHIL COLLINS fans: Step away from the edge. Phil isn't going anywhere. His rep says, quote, "Phil is not, [and] has no intention of, retiring." --Phil fans worldwide were feeling something ominous in the air the other night when some quotes he made to "FHM" magazine began making the rounds. He said, quote, "It's a good time to stop . . . --"I don't really belong to that world and I don't think anyone's going to miss me. I'm much happier just to write myself out of the script entirely." (--He may not be done making music . . . but with his chronic spinal cord condition, Phil is pretty banged-up, so it's still unlikely that he'll tour again anytime soon . . . if ever.)
The Monkees Have Put Aside Their Differences to Do Another Tour:
THE MONKEES have announced the dates for their 45th anniversary tour. It'll start in the U.K., and will hit America on June 5th in Pompano Beach, Florida. (--You can see all the dates, here.) (--Pompano Beach is a good choice. It's just a few miles north of your grandparents' retirement home in Fort Lauderdale. So in other words, The Monkees are kicking things off with a HOME GAME.) --The Monkees put some previous animosities behind them to do this tour. The last time they hit the road, which was 10 years ago, things didn't end well. --PETER TORK raised a stink about all the drinking DAVY JONES and MICKY DOLENZ were doing. And those two had issues too, with Davy saying in 2009 that he couldn't imagine ever taking the stage with Micky again. --But Peter is now taking the blame for their problems on the last tour . . . saying, quote, "We were getting along pretty well until I had a meltdown. I ticked the other guys off good and proper and it was a serious mistake on my part." --Founding guitarist MICHAEL NESMITH will not be a part of this reunion. He wasn't involved with the 2001 tour either . . . and has only toured with The Monkees once over the past 20 years. He joined them for a U.K. tour in 1997. (--One of the reasons he's not interested is because his mother invented Liquid Paper, and left him with a fortune, so he doesn't need the money.)
Willow Smith Has Released Her "21st Century Girl" Video:
10-year-old WILLOW SMITH has unleashed her "21st Century Girl" video. It looks like something LADY GAGA would have done when she was 10 . . . if her dad was WILL SMITH. (--Here's the video. The music starts at the 1:35 mark.)
TUESDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS
As expected, police say no drugs or alcohol were involved in DAVID ARQUETTE'S head-on collision this past Friday. There's no word what caused him to veer into the opposite lane. (Full Story)
Check out the evolution of TOM BRADY'S hair over the past year, culminating in his latest look, which includes a little baby ponytail. (Full Story)
The "National Enquirer" claims ROSIE O'DONNELL'S most recent relationship failed because she's still not over her previous partner, KELLI CARPENTER. (Full Story)
"Harry Potter" minx EMMA WATSON is taking some time off from college to focus on her movie career. But she swears she'll only finish school a semester or two later than she'd planned. (Full Story)
Poor CHRIS BROWN and his enormous genitalia felt so abandoned after he beat up RIHANNA two years ago. (Full Story)
MEGAN FOX'S trainer says Megan is NOT anorexic . . . she has a fast metabolism and actually struggles to put on weight. (Full Story)
JENNIFER LOPEZ'S husband MARC ANTHONY has joined the cast of TNT's "Hawthorne" on a full-time basis. He's playing a police detective . . . the same character he played in two previous guest appearances. (Full Story)
A new show called "Mounted in Alaska" is in development . . . but it probably isn't what you're thinking. It'll be on the History Channel, not MTV . . . and it's about TAXIDERMY, not cozy igloo relations. (Full Story)
Word has it that former GUNS 'N ROSES drummer STEVEN ADLER and "Blade Runner" actress SEAN YOUNG are doing "Celebrity Rehab". Adler has already done "Celebrity Rehab" before, as well as its spin-off, "Sober House". (Full Story)
NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF
Subway Passed McDonald's and is Now the World's Biggest Chain:
The day JARED FOGLE was featured in the Indiana University student newspaper for losing weight just by eating Subway sandwiches . . . who would've guessed that he'd CHANGE THE WORLD? --After Subway signed Jared as a spokesman, business started growing. And growing. And growing. --And now, Subway has officially replaced McDonald's as the world's largest restaurant chain. --At the end of 2010, Subway had 33,749 restaurants worldwide. McDonald's had 32,737. Subway has 24,000 restaurants in the U.S., McDonald's has less than 15,000. --So McDonald's has about a thousand fewer stores, but they're in more countries, 117 to 95. --And McDonald's makes SIGNIFICANTLY more money than Subway. Last year Subway had $15.2 BILLION in revenue, McDonald's had $24 BILLION. (Wall Street Journal)
To the Surprise of No One, Hawaii is Named the Happiest of the 50 States:
Gallup just released the results of a year-long poll where they figured out the HAPPINESS levels of people in all 50 states. And the state that ranked the happiest is . . . exactly the state you'd expect to rank the happiest. --Hawaii finished first on the list. --Each state was ranked on six different factors: How people there evaluate their lives . . . emotional health . . . job satisfaction . . . physical health . . . healthy behavior . . . and basic access to health care, exercise, and activities. --Hawaii ranked first out of 50 in three of those six different categories: Life evaluation, emotional health, and physical health. --The western part of the country fared very well . . . the top 10 on the list are Hawaii, Wyoming, North Dakota, Alaska, Colorado, Minnesota, South Dakota, Utah, Connecticut, and a tie between Nebraska and Massachusetts. --The south dominated the bottom 10 list. West Virginia was the least happy state, followed by Kentucky, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Ohio, Delaware, Nevada, Louisiana, and Michigan. (LiveScience) (--You can see the full 50 state rankings here.) (--Also check out the next story to learn about the man who, based on Gallup's findings, is the happiest man in America.)
A 69-Year-Old Chinese-American Jew In Hawaii Is Surprised To Learn He's Been Named the Happiest Person In America:
69-year-old Alvin Wong of Honolulu, Hawaii got a call a few days ago. It was from the "New York Times". They wanted to tell Alvin some good news . . . based on a gigantic, nationwide study, he's statistically the HAPPIEST person in America. --His response was, quote, "This is a practical joke, right?" --But it wasn't. Gallup just finished a year-long study on the well-being of Americans, and in the process they found the characteristics that make up the happiest person in America. And Alvin Wong might just be the only person with ALL of them. --Based on how different groups rated their well-being, the happiest person in the U.S. is male . . . tall . . . Asian-American . . . an observant Jew . . . living in Hawaii . . . married with kids . . . over 65 . . . a business owner . . . and making over $120,000. --Alvin is all of those. He's 5-foot-10, 69 years old, Chinese-American, married with children, living in Honolulu, owns a health care management business, makes over $120,000 a year . . . and yes, he's Jewish and keeps kosher. --There aren't very many Chinese Jews . . . and come to think of it, there aren't many Asian-Americans OR Jews who break the 5-foot-10 mark . . . so Alvin really is one-of-a-kind. --The "Times" got Alvin's name from a synagogue in Hawaii. After he finally believed they weren't effing with him, he told them he IS happy, quote, "my life philosophy is 'if you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to be pretty terrible for you." (New York Times) (--Here's a photo of Alvin with his wife, Trudy.)
A New Poll Shows That Americans Basically Love Every Single Government Service:
Maybe the government COULD get a little smaller and COULD abuse us with fewer taxes . . . if only we didn't love every single thing it does so damn much. --According to a new Harris poll, basically, Americans love every government program, don't know what we'd ever do without them, and wouldn't really cut any of them. --Every government program is supported by over HALF of all Americans, except for one program: Only 38% say they strongly support foreign aid. --Crime prevention and Medicare get 88% support . . . Social Security gets 85% . . . the National Parks get 82% . . . unemployment and environmental programs get 76% . . . Medicaid gets 74% . . . even immigration and naturalization get 56%. --And this wasn't just a poll of Democrats either. The poll was split evenly between different political parties. Of the Republicans surveyed, more than half strongly supported everything except immigration, food stamps, and foreign aid. --60% of Republicans even said they strongly support Medicaid, which is the government-paid health insurance for people with low income. --The people at Harris say these findings are pretty consistent with past polls, and are the eternal catch-22 for lawmakers: People want less government spending and lower taxes . . . but can't bring themselves to name anything that deserves to be cut. (PR Newswire)
We're Not Getting Enough Sleep . . . And It's Because of Our Late-Night Texting and Gaming:
We don't mean to pile on by talking about how TIRED you are at this hour of the day . . . but yeah, you're tired. I'm tired. We're all tired. --According to the National Sleep Foundation's annual survey, 43% of Americans say they rarely or NEVER get a good night's sleep. And 63% of Americans say their sleep needs aren't being met. --The majority of the blame is going to . . . TECHNOLOGY. 95% of people say they use some kind of electronic device within an hour of bed. That includes TV, computers, video games, and cell phones. --Charles Czeisler of Harvard Medical School says those types of technology don't just distract you and keep you awake longer . . . they can even mess up your body's natural sleep rhythms. --Quote, "Artificial light exposure between dusk and the time we go to bed suppresses release of the sleep-promoting hormone melatonin, making it more difficult to fall asleep." (Sleep Foundation)
A Woman In Romania Becomes the World's Youngest Grandmother . . . At Age 23:
Okay, this one comes from the not-always-reliable British tabloid "The Sun", so take it for what it's worth. --According to "The Sun", a woman in Romania just became the world's YOUNGEST GRANDMOTHER. And the woman is . . . 23 years old. --They say that when 23-year-old Rifca Stanescu of Investi, Romania was TWELVE she gave birth to her first child, a girl named Maria. --And now, at age 11, Maria has given birth to a son. --That also made Rifca's mother a great-grandmother at age 40. It seems that she was downright elderly when she gave birth to Rifca at 17. --In small Romanian villages, there aren't really any age limits on marriages . . . people regularly get married when they're in their early teens, or even younger. --The previous world's youngest grandmother was a 26-year-old woman in Yorkshire, England. (London Sun)
MEATBALL CRIMINALS
A Woman Is Arrested at the Canadian Border For Smuggling 34,000 Tabs of Ecstasy into the U.S. . . . Inside Her Fake Pregnant Belly:
Last week, 25-year-old Leann Corley of Stone Mountain, Georgia was on a bus, traveling across the Canadian border into Buffalo, New York. She looked to be at least eight months pregnant. --Border patrol agents asked her some basic questions about her health and pregnancy, and what she was doing in Canada. And she couldn't really answer any of them. --The agents say it, quote, "just became apparent that something wasn't right" . . . so they searched her. --And the search quickly explained why she couldn't answer questions about her pregnancy. --Leann wasn't pregnant. She was wearing a FAKE BELLY. And inside she was smuggling 34,000 tabs of ecstasy. That's 21 POUNDS. --She's looking at federal drug smuggling charges. (Buffalo News)
A Drunk, Naked Woman Is Accused of Throwing Stones . . . And Her Teeth . . . At Random People:
This is a pretty high-quality meltdown out of Naples, Florida. --On Saturday night, police in Naples got a call that 46-year-old Belinda Masta was sitting on a dock near her home. Here's what comprised her meltdown . . .
#1.) She was extremely drunk.
#2.) She was fully nude.
#3.) She was throwing rocks at random people.
#4.) And the main event . . . she was PULLING OUT HER TEETH, and then threw them at the police when they arrived.
--The cops tried to get her dressed, and ignored her request for PLIERS so she could yank out more of her teeth. --Belinda was charged with disorderly intoxication. (Naples News)
A Burglar Took His Four-Year-Old Daughter With Him While He Robbed a House:
I want to be mad at this guy . . . and he definitely deserves it . . . but mostly I just feel sorry for him. --52-year-old Michael Varano of Bridgewater, Massachusetts is accused of three home break-ins and burglaries. --He was busted when he broke into a house and the owner was actually home. The homeowner was shocked not only to see Michael breaking in, but also because he'd brought his FOUR-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER with him. --When the police got there, he said he brought his four-year-old with him when he broke in because he didn't feel comfortable leaving her in the car. --They linked him to two other burglaries. He told the police that he's on disability, his wife just switched jobs, and he needed money to feed his three kids. None of the money or jewelry he's stolen has been recovered. --Beyond the burglary charges, he could also face reckless endangerment charges for bringing his daughter along. (NBC 7 - Boston)
A Wealthy Dentist Goes To His Son's Baseball Game . . . And While He's There, He Steals a College Kid's Credit Card and Uses It To Buy Pizza:
54-year-old Dr. Richard Ludwig of Okemos, Michigan must be addicted to stealing. He must be. Because kleptomania is really the ONLY explanation for him doing something this reckless, stupid, and self-destructive. --Over the weekend, Richard was in Winter Haven, Florida watching his son play in a baseball tournament. --On Saturday night, Richard was in the parking lot of a Publix grocery store and saw a credit card on the ground. --Now, Richard doesn't need to commit credit card fraud. He's a successful dentist, and according to what he told police later, he's worth around $4 MILLION. He also had $250 in cash on him at the time. --But for some reason he decided to use the card to buy two large pizzas . . . with extra olives . . . at an Italian restaurant next to the Publix. Total cost: $40.64. --By the time he'd ordered the pizzas, the owner of the card had realized it was missing and called the credit card company. The card belonged to a community college student named Harrun Majeed. --The credit card company told Harrun the card had just been run at the restaurant, and called the police. The police busted Richard while he was waiting for his order. He didn't offer up any reason for why he did what he did. --He was arrested and charged with credit card theft, forgery, impersonating, and attempting to use the ID of another person without consent. (Orlando Sentinel)
An 83-Year-Old Wal-Mart Greeter Robbed the Store Where He Worked:
If you can't trust the elderly greeter by the door at the Wal-Mart, then who CAN you trust? --83-year-old George Plane Junior of Mooresville, North Carolina was a greeter at a Wal-Mart in Statesville, North Carolina. --And for some reason, on Sunday night, after his shift . . . George decided to ROB THE PLACE. --He went to his car, got his gun, put on a mask, then walked back into the Wal-Mart, put his gun to a fellow employee's head, and made him empty a cash register. He fired a few warning shots into the air . . . and after that he drove off. --When the police got there, witnesses gave them George's license plate number and they quickly tracked him down. --George was arrested and charged with armed robbery and discharging a firearm inside city limits. (Charlotte Observer)
RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS
A radio contest in New Zealand offered the winner a trip to the Ukraine, to help him find a wife. Naturally, a feminist group there is protesting . . . by going topless. (Full Story)
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport has installed ads on their bathroom mirrors. The ads can display still images or videos, but when you walk in front of them they become mirrors, and the ad moves to the upper left-hand corner. So you can see yourself, AND the ad. (Full Story)
The best way for women to succeed in business is . . . to work overseas. 63% of employers say international experience is important. But four times as many men as women currently work abroad. (Full Story)
The recession is turning against women: Unemployment's up among women, and public sector jobs are being cut because states are trying to balance their budgets . . . and women hold 61% of those jobs. (Full Story)
Part of the border patrol's job is to arrest illegal immigrants at the border . . . as they're leaving. Even heading BACK to Mexico is illegal if you never crossed in legally in the first place. There aren't any hard numbers, but about 5,000 people have been detained that way. (Full Story)
NAZZY’S SILLY OF THE DAY
#1.) There's Amazing New Footage of 9/11 From an NYPD Helicopter:
Not long after the second tower was hit on September 11th, an NYPD helicopter flew over both towers and got footage of the smoke pouring out. Then after the first tower fell, they got footage from above the toxic dust filling the streets of Lower Manhattan. --The 17-minute video was obtained by the National Institute of Standards and Technology, to help with their ongoing investigation. But now the entire thing is on YouTube because someone leaked it. (--WARNING: This video includes the S-word and the word "crap".) (--Search for "WTC Attack From Helicopter." They start to fly over the towers at :30, you can see crowds of people walking around on the ground at 2:18, and they zoom in on the side of the south tower at 3:50.) (--At 4:04 they show footage of the dust from the first tower. And at 12:29, they show footage of the second tower falling, but it's from a distance. There's no footage in the video of people falling or jumping from the towers.)
#2.) In 2007, Volcom Offered $10,000 to the First Surfer Who Could Do a Kickflip and Get It on Video . . . And Somebody Finally Did One:
In 2007, the clothing company Volcom said they'd pay $10,000 to the first surfer who could do a kickflip and get it on camera. Now, any decent skateboarder can do a kickflip, but apparently doing one on a surfboard is next to impossible. --But a surfer in California named ZOLTAN TORKOS has finally completed the challenge, and he posted the video of it on YouTube. He makes it look incredibly easy, but remember that it took almost four years for someone to pull it off. (--Search for "Zoltan Torkos First Kickflip." He does it at :10.)
#3.) A Huge Brawl Broke Out During a Local Hip Hop Awards Show in Washington D.C.:
A huge brawl broke out at a local hip-hop awards show in Washington D.C. Saturday night. The show was being held at a Hyatt hotel, but the second half was cancelled after the fight started during intermission. --Five people were taken to the hospital, and witnesses said as many as 60 people were involved. The YouTube video of it shows a lot of punches being thrown, and quite a few CHAIRS being thrown too. (--Search for "2011 DMV Awards Fight". The fight starts at 1:32.) (--WARNING: This video includes the F-word, N-word, S-word, and B-word, and
#4.) Jennifer Aniston Experiments With Viral Marketing Schemes in a New Ad for SmartWater:
JENNIFER ANISTON has a new ad for SmartWater on YouTube. The whole thing is a joke about viral advertising, and includes some Internet 'classics' like dancing babies and Double Rainbow Guy. --And at one point, she kicks a guy in the crotch, and explains it'll get the video another "100,000 hits." Then at the end, she asks what the title of the video is, and a guy tells her they're calling it "Jennifer Aniston's Sex Tape" . . . even though there's no sex. (--Search for "Jennifer Aniston Goes Viral SmartWater." Double Rainbow guy shows up at 1:36.)
Five Ways the Federal Budget Cuts Could Affect Your Health:
According to the Senior Public Health Correspondent for AOL News, the budget cuts being proposed by Republicans in the House AND the Obama administration both put America's health at risk. --Here's a list of five federally funded organizations that are likely to get cut, and what it might mean for your health.
#1.) The Consumer Product Safety Commission. This week, they're launching a long-awaited public database of products. For the first time you'll be able to easily find any safety hazards associated with things you buy and things you already own. --The database is supposedly huge, but the proposed budget cuts would slash their funding, and they wouldn't be able to keep the database current. --The budget cuts would also end a policy that requires manufacturers to have every product tested for safety by an outside company.
#2.) Poison Control Centers. The bill that recently passed the House would cut 93% of the funding, and close 57 centers around the country. Meanwhile, accidental poisoning is one of the top causes of unintentional death in the U.S.
#3.) The Environmental Protection Agency. The House bill aims to eliminate one third of the E.P.A.'s funding, and it would prevent the public from reviewing offshore drilling permits. --According to the head of a non-profit called the Environmental Working Group, the cuts would also jeopardize the quality of our air and water. And he predicted a spike in asthma cases around the country.
#4.) The Occupational Safety and Health Administration. They're the people in charge of making sure construction companies and factories don't do things that put their employee's lives at risk. --And the proposed 18% cuts in the House bill would result in about 8,000 fewer hazard inspections around the country each year.
#5.) The U.S.D.A. and the Food and Drug Administration. 500 million more pounds of beef and poultry are expected to be processed this year. --But in both Obama's budget AND the House budget, the U.S.D.A. isn't getting the money to hire more inspectors. --So that means the same number of workers will have to work longer hours to inspect more food. And it'll increase the chances of bad meat and poultry showing up in the grocery store. (AOLNews.com)
Charlie Sheen Has Been Fired By Warner Brothers . . . But He Still Thinks He's Winning:
It finally happened yesterday: Warner Brothers FIRED CHARLIE SHEEN . . . meaning that unless they have a change of heart, his time on "Two and a Half Men" is THROUGH. --Warner Brothers issued a statement saying, quote, "After careful consideration, Warner Brothers Television has terminated Charlie Sheen's services on 'Two and a Half Men' effective immediately." --They did NOT say anything about cancellation. Which means that we now have to spend an undetermined amount of time speculating over who might replace Charlie IF the show goes on. --In Charlie's world, he's still WINNING, of course. And he claims he's HAPPY he was fired. --He issued a statement saying, quote, "This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. --"It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at [what's his face] again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension." (--Charlie didn't actually say "what's his FACE". He used a different word instead of "face". It's a euphemism for the male reproductive organ, and it rhymes with ROCK.) --Just in case Charlie had any questions about his termination, Warner Brothers sent his lawyer an 11-page letter spelling out why they canned him. (--You can see the whole thing here.) --Here are some of the highlights . . . --Warner Brothers gets right to the point, saying, quote, "At the outset, let us state the obvious: Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive behavior and appears to be very ill." --The letter states that efforts were made to help Charlie by giving him time off, reaching out to his family . . . and even offering a private plane to take him to rehab after his most recent hospitalization, which he refused. --But the letter adds, quote, "Regrettably, Mr. Sheen failed to continue with his rehabilitation program. --"The result has been a series of well-chronicled and increasingly erratic outbursts that have culminated with Mr. Sheen's public tirades of the last few weeks." --Those tirades were marked by, quote, "inflammatory comments" that were "poisoning key working relationships." Obviously, they're mostly referring to Charlie's relationship with CHUCK LORRE. --Despite Charlie's claim that he always showed up on the set ready to work, Warner Brothers says he had, quote, "difficulty remembering his lines and hitting his marks." --They also noted that his lifestyle was causing a CHANGE IN HIS APPEARANCE. In other words, he's getting noticeably thinner. Like, crack-addict thinner. --And yes, there's a section in his contract on INCAPACITY. And it includes, quote, "Any material change in Performer's appearance or other attributes." --And they lumped all his recent behavior . . . including his public outbursts, hotel trashings and coke binges . . . under a heading of, quote, "felony offenses involving moral turpitude." --Charlie's lawyer says this is all a smokescreen to cover up the fact that he's being fired because he insulted Chuck Lorre . . . quote, "We feel this is nothing more than Lorre flexing his muscles, and we intend to respond accordingly." --He adds that Warner Brothers is being HYPOCRITICAL . . . because they didn't react this strongly when Charlie assaulted his wife, BROOKE MUELLER, over Christmas of 2009. --He said, quote, "Last year, they told Sheen he could plead guilty to a felony and still do the show. Now they are just upset because they say he disparaged Chuck Lorre. --"We intend to file suit against Warner Brothers Television, Chuck Lorre and everyone involved."
More of Charlie Sheen's Response to His Firing:
CHARLIE SHEEN had more to say about his firing as the day wore on yesterday. He told "Access Hollywood" that he was informed via TEXT. --He said, quote, "These guys are such yellow cockroaches that they didn't even have the decency to call me. I put 5-bill in their cheap suit pockets and another half-a-bil' in what's-his-cheese's pockets and this is the (effing) respect I get? --"It's just deplorable and they should be ashamed of themselves!" He added that what Warner Brothers did was, quote, "the work of silly infants." --Charlie was also spotted at the top of the Live Nation building in Beverly Hills, wielding a huge machete. (--You can see video of that here.) --As you may know, Live Nation is a major concert promoter. There's word going around that Charlie is thinking about doing a LIVE TOUR . . . kind of like what CONAN O'BRIEN did when he left NBC. (--Although obviously without anywhere near the talent.)--Meanwhile, Dallas Mavericks owner MARK CUBAN admits he might be putting Charlie on his HDNet channel. --He says, quote, "It could be a talk show or a reality show. We're trying to decide. Right now, we're taping a lot of different things that he's doing and we'll try to figure it out. It's still not 100% certain."
A New Poll Shows That Charlie Sheen is NOT Winning With the American Public:
A new poll shows that CHARLIE SHEEN is NOT winning with the American public. --In fact, only 16% of those polled have a favorable opinion of Charlie . . . while 71% have an UNFAVORABLE opinion of him. And 42% of them say their opinion is VERY unfavorable. --Meanwhile, 63% of those polled claim they're not even paying attention to the headlines or any of Charlie's crazy talk. 35% admit they're keeping up with it. --As for those who are paying attention, only 18% side with Charlie in his battle with the producers of "Two and a Half Men". And 57% side with the producers. 20% say they support NEITHER. (--I guess that leaves 5% as undecided.) (--At least Charlie is doing better than LINDSAY LOHAN. She got an unfavorable rating from 81% . . . while only 8% said they had a favorable impression of her.) -Despite the public's supposed indifference, Charlie has racked up 2 million Twitter followers and counting, less than one week after launching his account. --He Tweeted, quote, "Another record shattered. We gobbled the soft target that was 2.0 mil, like a bag of a troll-house zombie chow."
Those Warlocks In Salem Performed a "Magical Intervention" for Charlie Sheen:
Those warlocks in Salem performed their "magical intervention" for CHARLIE SHEEN . . . and they invited a Boston TV station to film it. --Head warlock Christian Day had said he wanted to use magic to make Charlie Sheen stop dissing REAL warlocks by using the term to describe himself. Don't worry . . . he said NO HARM would come to Charlie. --After the ceremony, he said, quote, "Charlie Sheen is no warlock . . . for a warlock is a wise person who understands the ways of the spirit world . . . so no truly wise person would betray their own soul the way he has done." (--Check out this insanity here.)
No Court for Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller . . . Yet:
CHARLIE SHEEN and BROOKE MUELLER have put off a custody hearing for the time being . . . because their lawyers are still trying to work out a deal that'll keep them from having to settle things in court. --Sources say there's been progress, but they haven't reached an agreement yet.
Random Sheen-Anigans:
#1.) CHARLIE SHEEN did another webcast yesterday. It was apparently recorded before he was fired. He looks and sounds pretty awful. (--WARNING!!! There's tons of profanity in this one.) (Full Story) (--Has anyone else noticed that Charlie is getting less entertaining every time he gets in front of a camera? It was funny when it was new. Now he's trying too hard, and mostly LOSING.) (--It's also funny . . . although equally tragic . . . the way Charlie's parasites just laugh and hang on every word he says, no matter how stupid and unfunny it is.)
#2.) Charlie Sheen is looking for an intern. Of course, you have to have Tiger Blood. (Full Story)
#3.) Charlie Sheen goddess Natalie Kenly has his autograph tattooed on her leg. (Full Story)
#4.) TOM ARNOLD says he approached one of Charlie's people about helping Charlie get clean. And the dude told him to his face, quote, "We make a lot of money from him. I can't be part of it." (Full Story)
Video of Lindsay Lohan's Alleged Necklace Theft Is on the Internet:
And now we have video. --As expected, "Entertainment Tonight" has released surveillance footage of LINDSAY LOHAN'S alleged necklace theft. (--They posted this clip on their site last night. It's a teaser for what aired on the show. If you hang around for the second clip, you'll see additional footage of Lindsay putting on the necklace, and obviously, not taking it off.) (--And here's a clip of former O.J. SIMPSON prosecutor MARCIA CLARK "breaking down" the video.) --The jewelry store sold the surveillance video to the Associated Press for $35,000. The AP licensed it to "Entertainment Tonight". --Despite talk that the store SABOTAGED the case against Lindsay by selling the tape, the store doesn't believe it'll have any effect. --A spokesperson for the store explains, quote, "We were upset with the various mischaracterizations we were seeing and hearing about the video and its contents, and we felt the video should be allowed to speak for itself. --"[It] should have no impact on the outcome of the criminal proceeding. The video would be released during the actual trial anyway . . . release of the video at this time does not violate any law."
Sophie Monk Is No Longer Engaged to a 50-Year-Old Guy:
31-year-old SOPHIE MONK revealed last night on "Chelsea Lately" that she's no longer engaged to a man old enough to be her dad. --Sophie was going to make The Big Mistake with a 50-year-old French businessman . . . but now it's not happening. She told Chelsea, quote, "I'm newly single." She also added that she might, quote, "turn Samantha Ronson."
Guy Ritchie Is Going to Be a Dad Again:
GUY RITCHIE is going to have another kid. His 29-year-old girlfriend, model Jacqui Ainsley, is pregnant. There's no word on the due date. --Guy has two kids with ex-wife MADONNA. There's 10-year-old Rocco and 5-year-old David, who was adopted from Malawi.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline Didn't Speak at Their Son's Baseball Game:
BRITNEY SPEARS and KEVIN FEDERLINE showed up for their 5-year-old son Sean's first baseball game on Sunday. But they didn't speak a word to each other the entire time. --Kevin is one of the coaches of Sean's team, the Westhill Yankees. Britney showed up with her boyfriend, Jason Trawick. -Kevin's girlfriend, Victoria Prince, was there, too. She even sat right near Britney. But they didn't interact, either. (--Check out a photo gallery here.)
Demi Lovato Taped a Video Message for Her Fans:
DEMI LOVATO posted a video message to her fans yesterday, thanking them for supporting her through, quote, "the darkest point in her life." --She said, quote, "Your support is what got me through this. The journey has been very, very difficult the past few months. I was dealing with issues that I know not only girls just my age but of all ages are dealing with." --She still didn't reveal what made her life so dark and put her into rehab . . . but she promised to talk about it SOMEDAY . . . quote, "I hope to one day raise awareness of everything so I can help people too just like you helped me at this rough time." --She added, quote, "I can't tell you how much light you guys brought into my life . . . Without you guys, I wouldn't be here today . . . I couldn't have done this without you." (--Check out the video here.)
The Finale of "ET" Has Been Voted the Most Powerful Movie Moment:
The finale of "ET" has been voted the Most Powerful Movie Moment in some new British poll. Here's the Top 10 . . .
#1.) "ET", 1982. ET says goodbye to his friends and heads home in a spaceship.
#2.) "Toy Story 3", 2010. The toys hold hands and face their fate as they edge closer to the incinerator. (--SPOILER ALERT! They get saved.)
#3.) "Rocky", 1976. Rocky's title fight.
#4.) "Bambi", 1942. The death of Bambi's mother.
#5.) "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid", 1969. Butch and Sundance leap out of their bunker, guns blazing.
#6.) "The Wizard of Oz", 1939. Dorothy opens the door in her black-and-white house and steps into the colorful world of Oz.
#7.) "Battleship Potemkin", 1925. The "Odessa steps" massacre.
#8.) "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", 1939. The filibuster scene where JIMMY STEWART shouts, quote, "I'm gonna stay right here and fight for this lost cause."
#9.) "Network", 1976. When the news anchor shouts, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
#10.) "Miracle in Milan", 1951. The final scene when Toto and his friends rise into the sky on brooms. (--This is an Italian movie you've probably never heard of. It's not your fault.) (???)
"Last Comic Standing" Finalist Mike DeStefano Has Died:
Comedian MIKE DESTEFANO . . . who came in fourth place on the most recent season of "Last Comic Standing" . . . passed away late Sunday night after suffering a massive heart attack. He was 44. --Mike was HIV-positive and a recovering heroin junkie, who had been clean for about a decade. He talked about his past in his act, and would regularly perform for free at rehab centers and prisons. (--You can watch his "Last Comic Standing" audition, here.) --It doesn't sound like he was dealing with any significant health problems leading up to his death. He had shows scheduled for this week in New York.
Lindsay Lohan Is Upset That "SNL" Made Fun of Her:
"Saturday Night Live" poked some fun at LINDSAY LOHAN over the weekend, and she's not happy about it. --TMZ says she fired off an email to "SNL" czar LORNE MICHAELS saying she was disappointed that he let it happen, because she'd always considered him, quote, "a mentor and a father figure." --This week's host MILEY CYRUS briefly referenced Lindsay's necklace heist and DUI in her monologue, and also played her in their CHARLIE SHEEN sketch. (--Here's the Charlie sketch. Miley begins her Lindsay impression at the 5:00 mark.)
Tuesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)
--"Glee" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Gwyneth Paltrow returns as substitute teacher Holly Holliday. She teaches sex-ed this time and performs Prince's "Kiss", Joan Jett's "Do You Want to Touch Me (Oh Yeah)" and Stevie Nicks' "Landslide".)
--"Dirty Jobs" [7th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Discovery Channel.
--"Southland" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TNT.
--"White Collar" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on USA.
NEW ON VIDEO TODAY
--"Jackass 3-D" - Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, "Wee Man" and the rest of the guys are back, for 3-D pranks like beehive tetherball, and pin-the-tail on a real donkey.
--"The Next Three Days" - Russell Crowe decides he has to break his wife out of prison after she turns suicidal. Elizabeth Banks plays his wife, and Liam Neeson plays an escaped prisoner who gives him advice. Rza and the incredibly sexy Olivia Wilde are also in it.
--"Every Day" - Liev Schreiber tries to stay faithful to his wife after a coworker starts hitting on him. Helen Hunt plays his wife, and Carla Gugino shows off an amazing bikini body as the slut trying to lure him away from his marriage.
--"Morning Glory" - Rachel McAdams plays an ambitious TV producer who hires veteran news anchor Harrison Ford to try to fix a morning show's weak ratings. But he refuses to do any of the standard fluff pieces and takes an immediate disliking to his co-host, Diane Keaton.
--"Tales From Earthsea" - An animated Japanese film, done in the style of "Spirited Away", but based on a collection of stories about humans and dragons by Ursula K. LeGuin. The cast includes Timothy Dalton, Willem Dafoe, Mariska Hargitay and Cheech Marin.
TV Series On DVD:
--"The Walking Dead: Season One" . . . a two-disc DVD set.
--"Hannah Montana Forever: Final Season" . . . a two-disc set of the 4th season.
NEW MUSIC OUT TODAY
--"Glee: The Music, Volume 5" (--It includes Gwyneth Paltrow's three songs from tonight's episode, which are her covers of Prince's "Kiss", Joan Jett's "Do You Want to Touch Me (Oh Yeah)" and Stevie Nicks' "Landslide".)
--"Goodbye Lullaby", Avril Lavigne (--It includes the single "What the Hell".)
--"Collapse Into Now", R.E.M. (--Guest vocalists include Pearl Jam singer Eddie Vedder, Patti Smith and Peaches.)
--"Live at Shea Stadium", Billy Joel (--It was recorded in July of 2008, at the final concerts at New York's Shea Stadium. Special guests include Paul McCartney, Tony Bennett, John Mayer, John Mellencamp, Steven Tyler and Roger Daltrey.)
--"Neil Diamond: The Bang Years", Neil Diamond (--Classic songs that he recorded for Bang Records, including "Shilo", "Red Red Wine", "I'm a Believer", and "Solitary Man".) (--The Monkees turned their cover of "I'm a Believer" into a hit, UB-40 covered "Red Red Wine", and Johnny Cash did "Solitary Man".)
TODAY'S NEW VIDEO GAMES
Two Big Baseball Games and the New "Dragon Age" Drop Today:
--"Major League Baseball 2K11" (E) . . . on Xbox360, PS3, Wii, PC, DS and PSP.
If you are the first person to pitch a perfect game in "Major League Baseball 2K11" then 2K will give you a million dollars. Do you really need another reason to buy this game?
Even if you don't with the million this year's version of 2K's baseball simulator includes an interesting new feature called the Dynamic Player Rating System or DPRS. DPRS updates a player's batting or pitching ability with the last four weeks of the real player's activity, which will include slumps and hot streaks. (Trailer)
--"MLB 11: The Show" (E) . . . on PS3. The premier baseball game franchise of this generation is bringing a host of new features to the party this year . . .
• "The Show" finally includes an analog control system to experience the action. Pure batting, fielding and pitching lets you use the analog sticks to tear up the diamond.
• For the first time in any baseball game you will be able to play co-op online with up to four of your friends.
• There is also a Challenge of the Week online feature, which will support leaderboards and prizes awarded in three tiers.
Other upgrades this year include 3D functionality, stadium specific broadcast camera angles for all 30 MLB teams (which means you play the game exactly the way your TV broadcasts it) and PlayStation Move support for Home Run Derby Mode. (Trailer)
--"Dragon Age 2" (M) . . . on Xbox360, PS3, and PC. In this fantasy RPG you're a survivor of the Darkspawn horde's destruction of Lothering, who rises to become the Champion of Kirkwall.
"Romance" is reportedly possible with characters throughout the game. This means we should be in for some hot, PG-13 human-on-elf or even dwarf-on-orc action. (???) It brings a whole new level to "interracial" relations. (Trailer)
ESRB Game Ratings: (E) for Everyone; (T) for Teen; (M) for Mature (18+)
Phil Collins Is *Not* Retiring:
Diehard PHIL COLLINS fans: Step away from the edge. Phil isn't going anywhere. His rep says, quote, "Phil is not, [and] has no intention of, retiring." --Phil fans worldwide were feeling something ominous in the air the other night when some quotes he made to "FHM" magazine began making the rounds. He said, quote, "It's a good time to stop . . . --"I don't really belong to that world and I don't think anyone's going to miss me. I'm much happier just to write myself out of the script entirely." (--He may not be done making music . . . but with his chronic spinal cord condition, Phil is pretty banged-up, so it's still unlikely that he'll tour again anytime soon . . . if ever.)
The Monkees Have Put Aside Their Differences to Do Another Tour:
THE MONKEES have announced the dates for their 45th anniversary tour. It'll start in the U.K., and will hit America on June 5th in Pompano Beach, Florida. (--You can see all the dates, here.) (--Pompano Beach is a good choice. It's just a few miles north of your grandparents' retirement home in Fort Lauderdale. So in other words, The Monkees are kicking things off with a HOME GAME.) --The Monkees put some previous animosities behind them to do this tour. The last time they hit the road, which was 10 years ago, things didn't end well. --PETER TORK raised a stink about all the drinking DAVY JONES and MICKY DOLENZ were doing. And those two had issues too, with Davy saying in 2009 that he couldn't imagine ever taking the stage with Micky again. --But Peter is now taking the blame for their problems on the last tour . . . saying, quote, "We were getting along pretty well until I had a meltdown. I ticked the other guys off good and proper and it was a serious mistake on my part." --Founding guitarist MICHAEL NESMITH will not be a part of this reunion. He wasn't involved with the 2001 tour either . . . and has only toured with The Monkees once over the past 20 years. He joined them for a U.K. tour in 1997. (--One of the reasons he's not interested is because his mother invented Liquid Paper, and left him with a fortune, so he doesn't need the money.)
Willow Smith Has Released Her "21st Century Girl" Video:
10-year-old WILLOW SMITH has unleashed her "21st Century Girl" video. It looks like something LADY GAGA would have done when she was 10 . . . if her dad was WILL SMITH. (--Here's the video. The music starts at the 1:35 mark.)
TUESDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS
As expected, police say no drugs or alcohol were involved in DAVID ARQUETTE'S head-on collision this past Friday. There's no word what caused him to veer into the opposite lane. (Full Story)
Check out the evolution of TOM BRADY'S hair over the past year, culminating in his latest look, which includes a little baby ponytail. (Full Story)
The "National Enquirer" claims ROSIE O'DONNELL'S most recent relationship failed because she's still not over her previous partner, KELLI CARPENTER. (Full Story)
"Harry Potter" minx EMMA WATSON is taking some time off from college to focus on her movie career. But she swears she'll only finish school a semester or two later than she'd planned. (Full Story)
Poor CHRIS BROWN and his enormous genitalia felt so abandoned after he beat up RIHANNA two years ago. (Full Story)
MEGAN FOX'S trainer says Megan is NOT anorexic . . . she has a fast metabolism and actually struggles to put on weight. (Full Story)
JENNIFER LOPEZ'S husband MARC ANTHONY has joined the cast of TNT's "Hawthorne" on a full-time basis. He's playing a police detective . . . the same character he played in two previous guest appearances. (Full Story)
A new show called "Mounted in Alaska" is in development . . . but it probably isn't what you're thinking. It'll be on the History Channel, not MTV . . . and it's about TAXIDERMY, not cozy igloo relations. (Full Story)
Word has it that former GUNS 'N ROSES drummer STEVEN ADLER and "Blade Runner" actress SEAN YOUNG are doing "Celebrity Rehab". Adler has already done "Celebrity Rehab" before, as well as its spin-off, "Sober House". (Full Story)
NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF
Subway Passed McDonald's and is Now the World's Biggest Chain:
The day JARED FOGLE was featured in the Indiana University student newspaper for losing weight just by eating Subway sandwiches . . . who would've guessed that he'd CHANGE THE WORLD? --After Subway signed Jared as a spokesman, business started growing. And growing. And growing. --And now, Subway has officially replaced McDonald's as the world's largest restaurant chain. --At the end of 2010, Subway had 33,749 restaurants worldwide. McDonald's had 32,737. Subway has 24,000 restaurants in the U.S., McDonald's has less than 15,000. --So McDonald's has about a thousand fewer stores, but they're in more countries, 117 to 95. --And McDonald's makes SIGNIFICANTLY more money than Subway. Last year Subway had $15.2 BILLION in revenue, McDonald's had $24 BILLION. (Wall Street Journal)
To the Surprise of No One, Hawaii is Named the Happiest of the 50 States:
Gallup just released the results of a year-long poll where they figured out the HAPPINESS levels of people in all 50 states. And the state that ranked the happiest is . . . exactly the state you'd expect to rank the happiest. --Hawaii finished first on the list. --Each state was ranked on six different factors: How people there evaluate their lives . . . emotional health . . . job satisfaction . . . physical health . . . healthy behavior . . . and basic access to health care, exercise, and activities. --Hawaii ranked first out of 50 in three of those six different categories: Life evaluation, emotional health, and physical health. --The western part of the country fared very well . . . the top 10 on the list are Hawaii, Wyoming, North Dakota, Alaska, Colorado, Minnesota, South Dakota, Utah, Connecticut, and a tie between Nebraska and Massachusetts. --The south dominated the bottom 10 list. West Virginia was the least happy state, followed by Kentucky, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Ohio, Delaware, Nevada, Louisiana, and Michigan. (LiveScience) (--You can see the full 50 state rankings here.) (--Also check out the next story to learn about the man who, based on Gallup's findings, is the happiest man in America.)
A 69-Year-Old Chinese-American Jew In Hawaii Is Surprised To Learn He's Been Named the Happiest Person In America:
69-year-old Alvin Wong of Honolulu, Hawaii got a call a few days ago. It was from the "New York Times". They wanted to tell Alvin some good news . . . based on a gigantic, nationwide study, he's statistically the HAPPIEST person in America. --His response was, quote, "This is a practical joke, right?" --But it wasn't. Gallup just finished a year-long study on the well-being of Americans, and in the process they found the characteristics that make up the happiest person in America. And Alvin Wong might just be the only person with ALL of them. --Based on how different groups rated their well-being, the happiest person in the U.S. is male . . . tall . . . Asian-American . . . an observant Jew . . . living in Hawaii . . . married with kids . . . over 65 . . . a business owner . . . and making over $120,000. --Alvin is all of those. He's 5-foot-10, 69 years old, Chinese-American, married with children, living in Honolulu, owns a health care management business, makes over $120,000 a year . . . and yes, he's Jewish and keeps kosher. --There aren't very many Chinese Jews . . . and come to think of it, there aren't many Asian-Americans OR Jews who break the 5-foot-10 mark . . . so Alvin really is one-of-a-kind. --The "Times" got Alvin's name from a synagogue in Hawaii. After he finally believed they weren't effing with him, he told them he IS happy, quote, "my life philosophy is 'if you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to be pretty terrible for you." (New York Times) (--Here's a photo of Alvin with his wife, Trudy.)
A New Poll Shows That Americans Basically Love Every Single Government Service:
Maybe the government COULD get a little smaller and COULD abuse us with fewer taxes . . . if only we didn't love every single thing it does so damn much. --According to a new Harris poll, basically, Americans love every government program, don't know what we'd ever do without them, and wouldn't really cut any of them. --Every government program is supported by over HALF of all Americans, except for one program: Only 38% say they strongly support foreign aid. --Crime prevention and Medicare get 88% support . . . Social Security gets 85% . . . the National Parks get 82% . . . unemployment and environmental programs get 76% . . . Medicaid gets 74% . . . even immigration and naturalization get 56%. --And this wasn't just a poll of Democrats either. The poll was split evenly between different political parties. Of the Republicans surveyed, more than half strongly supported everything except immigration, food stamps, and foreign aid. --60% of Republicans even said they strongly support Medicaid, which is the government-paid health insurance for people with low income. --The people at Harris say these findings are pretty consistent with past polls, and are the eternal catch-22 for lawmakers: People want less government spending and lower taxes . . . but can't bring themselves to name anything that deserves to be cut. (PR Newswire)
We're Not Getting Enough Sleep . . . And It's Because of Our Late-Night Texting and Gaming:
We don't mean to pile on by talking about how TIRED you are at this hour of the day . . . but yeah, you're tired. I'm tired. We're all tired. --According to the National Sleep Foundation's annual survey, 43% of Americans say they rarely or NEVER get a good night's sleep. And 63% of Americans say their sleep needs aren't being met. --The majority of the blame is going to . . . TECHNOLOGY. 95% of people say they use some kind of electronic device within an hour of bed. That includes TV, computers, video games, and cell phones. --Charles Czeisler of Harvard Medical School says those types of technology don't just distract you and keep you awake longer . . . they can even mess up your body's natural sleep rhythms. --Quote, "Artificial light exposure between dusk and the time we go to bed suppresses release of the sleep-promoting hormone melatonin, making it more difficult to fall asleep." (Sleep Foundation)
A Woman In Romania Becomes the World's Youngest Grandmother . . . At Age 23:
Okay, this one comes from the not-always-reliable British tabloid "The Sun", so take it for what it's worth. --According to "The Sun", a woman in Romania just became the world's YOUNGEST GRANDMOTHER. And the woman is . . . 23 years old. --They say that when 23-year-old Rifca Stanescu of Investi, Romania was TWELVE she gave birth to her first child, a girl named Maria. --And now, at age 11, Maria has given birth to a son. --That also made Rifca's mother a great-grandmother at age 40. It seems that she was downright elderly when she gave birth to Rifca at 17. --In small Romanian villages, there aren't really any age limits on marriages . . . people regularly get married when they're in their early teens, or even younger. --The previous world's youngest grandmother was a 26-year-old woman in Yorkshire, England. (London Sun)
MEATBALL CRIMINALS
A Woman Is Arrested at the Canadian Border For Smuggling 34,000 Tabs of Ecstasy into the U.S. . . . Inside Her Fake Pregnant Belly:
Last week, 25-year-old Leann Corley of Stone Mountain, Georgia was on a bus, traveling across the Canadian border into Buffalo, New York. She looked to be at least eight months pregnant. --Border patrol agents asked her some basic questions about her health and pregnancy, and what she was doing in Canada. And she couldn't really answer any of them. --The agents say it, quote, "just became apparent that something wasn't right" . . . so they searched her. --And the search quickly explained why she couldn't answer questions about her pregnancy. --Leann wasn't pregnant. She was wearing a FAKE BELLY. And inside she was smuggling 34,000 tabs of ecstasy. That's 21 POUNDS. --She's looking at federal drug smuggling charges. (Buffalo News)
A Drunk, Naked Woman Is Accused of Throwing Stones . . . And Her Teeth . . . At Random People:
This is a pretty high-quality meltdown out of Naples, Florida. --On Saturday night, police in Naples got a call that 46-year-old Belinda Masta was sitting on a dock near her home. Here's what comprised her meltdown . . .
#1.) She was extremely drunk.
#2.) She was fully nude.
#3.) She was throwing rocks at random people.
#4.) And the main event . . . she was PULLING OUT HER TEETH, and then threw them at the police when they arrived.
--The cops tried to get her dressed, and ignored her request for PLIERS so she could yank out more of her teeth. --Belinda was charged with disorderly intoxication. (Naples News)
A Burglar Took His Four-Year-Old Daughter With Him While He Robbed a House:
I want to be mad at this guy . . . and he definitely deserves it . . . but mostly I just feel sorry for him. --52-year-old Michael Varano of Bridgewater, Massachusetts is accused of three home break-ins and burglaries. --He was busted when he broke into a house and the owner was actually home. The homeowner was shocked not only to see Michael breaking in, but also because he'd brought his FOUR-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER with him. --When the police got there, he said he brought his four-year-old with him when he broke in because he didn't feel comfortable leaving her in the car. --They linked him to two other burglaries. He told the police that he's on disability, his wife just switched jobs, and he needed money to feed his three kids. None of the money or jewelry he's stolen has been recovered. --Beyond the burglary charges, he could also face reckless endangerment charges for bringing his daughter along. (NBC 7 - Boston)
A Wealthy Dentist Goes To His Son's Baseball Game . . . And While He's There, He Steals a College Kid's Credit Card and Uses It To Buy Pizza:
54-year-old Dr. Richard Ludwig of Okemos, Michigan must be addicted to stealing. He must be. Because kleptomania is really the ONLY explanation for him doing something this reckless, stupid, and self-destructive. --Over the weekend, Richard was in Winter Haven, Florida watching his son play in a baseball tournament. --On Saturday night, Richard was in the parking lot of a Publix grocery store and saw a credit card on the ground. --Now, Richard doesn't need to commit credit card fraud. He's a successful dentist, and according to what he told police later, he's worth around $4 MILLION. He also had $250 in cash on him at the time. --But for some reason he decided to use the card to buy two large pizzas . . . with extra olives . . . at an Italian restaurant next to the Publix. Total cost: $40.64. --By the time he'd ordered the pizzas, the owner of the card had realized it was missing and called the credit card company. The card belonged to a community college student named Harrun Majeed. --The credit card company told Harrun the card had just been run at the restaurant, and called the police. The police busted Richard while he was waiting for his order. He didn't offer up any reason for why he did what he did. --He was arrested and charged with credit card theft, forgery, impersonating, and attempting to use the ID of another person without consent. (Orlando Sentinel)
An 83-Year-Old Wal-Mart Greeter Robbed the Store Where He Worked:
If you can't trust the elderly greeter by the door at the Wal-Mart, then who CAN you trust? --83-year-old George Plane Junior of Mooresville, North Carolina was a greeter at a Wal-Mart in Statesville, North Carolina. --And for some reason, on Sunday night, after his shift . . . George decided to ROB THE PLACE. --He went to his car, got his gun, put on a mask, then walked back into the Wal-Mart, put his gun to a fellow employee's head, and made him empty a cash register. He fired a few warning shots into the air . . . and after that he drove off. --When the police got there, witnesses gave them George's license plate number and they quickly tracked him down. --George was arrested and charged with armed robbery and discharging a firearm inside city limits. (Charlotte Observer)
RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS
A radio contest in New Zealand offered the winner a trip to the Ukraine, to help him find a wife. Naturally, a feminist group there is protesting . . . by going topless. (Full Story)
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport has installed ads on their bathroom mirrors. The ads can display still images or videos, but when you walk in front of them they become mirrors, and the ad moves to the upper left-hand corner. So you can see yourself, AND the ad. (Full Story)
The best way for women to succeed in business is . . . to work overseas. 63% of employers say international experience is important. But four times as many men as women currently work abroad. (Full Story)
The recession is turning against women: Unemployment's up among women, and public sector jobs are being cut because states are trying to balance their budgets . . . and women hold 61% of those jobs. (Full Story)
Part of the border patrol's job is to arrest illegal immigrants at the border . . . as they're leaving. Even heading BACK to Mexico is illegal if you never crossed in legally in the first place. There aren't any hard numbers, but about 5,000 people have been detained that way. (Full Story)
NAZZY’S SILLY OF THE DAY
#1.) There's Amazing New Footage of 9/11 From an NYPD Helicopter:
Not long after the second tower was hit on September 11th, an NYPD helicopter flew over both towers and got footage of the smoke pouring out. Then after the first tower fell, they got footage from above the toxic dust filling the streets of Lower Manhattan. --The 17-minute video was obtained by the National Institute of Standards and Technology, to help with their ongoing investigation. But now the entire thing is on YouTube because someone leaked it. (--WARNING: This video includes the S-word and the word "crap".) (--Search for "WTC Attack From Helicopter." They start to fly over the towers at :30, you can see crowds of people walking around on the ground at 2:18, and they zoom in on the side of the south tower at 3:50.) (--At 4:04 they show footage of the dust from the first tower. And at 12:29, they show footage of the second tower falling, but it's from a distance. There's no footage in the video of people falling or jumping from the towers.)
#2.) In 2007, Volcom Offered $10,000 to the First Surfer Who Could Do a Kickflip and Get It on Video . . . And Somebody Finally Did One:
In 2007, the clothing company Volcom said they'd pay $10,000 to the first surfer who could do a kickflip and get it on camera. Now, any decent skateboarder can do a kickflip, but apparently doing one on a surfboard is next to impossible. --But a surfer in California named ZOLTAN TORKOS has finally completed the challenge, and he posted the video of it on YouTube. He makes it look incredibly easy, but remember that it took almost four years for someone to pull it off. (--Search for "Zoltan Torkos First Kickflip." He does it at :10.)
#3.) A Huge Brawl Broke Out During a Local Hip Hop Awards Show in Washington D.C.:
A huge brawl broke out at a local hip-hop awards show in Washington D.C. Saturday night. The show was being held at a Hyatt hotel, but the second half was cancelled after the fight started during intermission. --Five people were taken to the hospital, and witnesses said as many as 60 people were involved. The YouTube video of it shows a lot of punches being thrown, and quite a few CHAIRS being thrown too. (--Search for "2011 DMV Awards Fight". The fight starts at 1:32.) (--WARNING: This video includes the F-word, N-word, S-word, and B-word, and
#4.) Jennifer Aniston Experiments With Viral Marketing Schemes in a New Ad for SmartWater:
JENNIFER ANISTON has a new ad for SmartWater on YouTube. The whole thing is a joke about viral advertising, and includes some Internet 'classics' like dancing babies and Double Rainbow Guy. --And at one point, she kicks a guy in the crotch, and explains it'll get the video another "100,000 hits." Then at the end, she asks what the title of the video is, and a guy tells her they're calling it "Jennifer Aniston's Sex Tape" . . . even though there's no sex. (--Search for "Jennifer Aniston Goes Viral SmartWater." Double Rainbow guy shows up at 1:36.)
Five Ways the Federal Budget Cuts Could Affect Your Health:
According to the Senior Public Health Correspondent for AOL News, the budget cuts being proposed by Republicans in the House AND the Obama administration both put America's health at risk. --Here's a list of five federally funded organizations that are likely to get cut, and what it might mean for your health.
#1.) The Consumer Product Safety Commission. This week, they're launching a long-awaited public database of products. For the first time you'll be able to easily find any safety hazards associated with things you buy and things you already own. --The database is supposedly huge, but the proposed budget cuts would slash their funding, and they wouldn't be able to keep the database current. --The budget cuts would also end a policy that requires manufacturers to have every product tested for safety by an outside company.
#2.) Poison Control Centers. The bill that recently passed the House would cut 93% of the funding, and close 57 centers around the country. Meanwhile, accidental poisoning is one of the top causes of unintentional death in the U.S.
#3.) The Environmental Protection Agency. The House bill aims to eliminate one third of the E.P.A.'s funding, and it would prevent the public from reviewing offshore drilling permits. --According to the head of a non-profit called the Environmental Working Group, the cuts would also jeopardize the quality of our air and water. And he predicted a spike in asthma cases around the country.
#4.) The Occupational Safety and Health Administration. They're the people in charge of making sure construction companies and factories don't do things that put their employee's lives at risk. --And the proposed 18% cuts in the House bill would result in about 8,000 fewer hazard inspections around the country each year.
#5.) The U.S.D.A. and the Food and Drug Administration. 500 million more pounds of beef and poultry are expected to be processed this year. --But in both Obama's budget AND the House budget, the U.S.D.A. isn't getting the money to hire more inspectors. --So that means the same number of workers will have to work longer hours to inspect more food. And it'll increase the chances of bad meat and poultry showing up in the grocery store. (AOLNews.com)
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