Friday, April 15, 2011


Courteney Cox Says David Arquette Constantly Wanted Sex From Her . . . And Admits He Tried to Hit It at Disney World:

COURTENEY COX is EVERYWHERE these days promoting "Scream 4". But most people just want to hear about her relationship with DAVID ARQUETTE. --Yesterday, Courteney appeared with David on "The Howard Stern Show" . . . and Howard wanted to know why Courteney rejected David's advances at Disney World. --Courteney said that was one of the problems in their relationship: That David wanted it all the time . . . whether it was appropriate or not. --She said, quote, "Whenever I would, like, need consoling from David . . . he could not literally put his arm around me for one second without completely getting a boner . . . like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry your dad's dying. Can we (eff)?'" --David replied, quote, "Come on! That time I was good!" . . . and Courteney admitted, quote, "Okay, maybe that one time." --Then, going back to the Disney issue, she added, quote, "So it just wasn't the right time, and I don't want to confuse the issue, we're going through a hard time." --She also said she hasn't had sex with ANYONE since she and David split. (--You can listen to part of the interview here. WARNING!!! There's some spicy language and bleeped profanity in here.) --Courteney also talked about the Disney incident on "Letterman" Wednesday night. She said, quote, "He did try to hit on me, yeah. He hit pretty hard, and I said, 'You know, you don't have the Fast Pass right now. Not to that ride!'"


Warner Brothers Says Charlie Sheen Is NOT Returning to "Two and a Half Men":

CHARLIE SHEEN says there's an 85% chance he'll return to "Two and a Half Men". That means there's a slight discrepancy between his figure and that of the people who fired him. --Because according to Warner Brothers, the chance of Charlie returning is . . . ZERO. --They sent a letter to Charlie's attorney yesterday, accusing him of LYING about being in negotiations to go back to his old job. --They said, quote, "Those statements are false. As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series." --But Charlie's lawyer says Warner Brothers is full of it. He told TMZ, quote, "There have been discussions as late as Tuesday, and all parties have been involved: Warner Brothers, CBS, Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen." --He added, quote, "Charlie Sheen was recently approached by a third party to resolve this matter. Charlie did not lie about the discussions. There WERE discussions."


The "Crackhead Charlie" Love Doll Sold Out in 24 Hours:

A new CHARLIE SHEEN love doll hit the market earlier this week, but you can't get one just yet . . . because it sold out within 24 hours. --It's called "Crackhead Charlie", and it's marketed as a, quote, "Winning love doll." (--Check out the front and back box covers here.) --The box also brags, quote, "You don't have to be a slutty porn goddess to party with this radical rockstar from Mars! Just add air and this neurotic nutjob will show you his two and half personalities, warlock, fangs, fire-breathing fists and Adonis DNA. --"Don't be a foolish little troll, experience the bitchin' drug they call Charlie and let him rock your world!" (Pop Crunch)


Zsa Zsa Gabor's Husband Wants to Make Her A Mom Again . . . But It Won't Be Her Biological Child:

ZSA ZSA GABOR is 94 years old. She's been wheelchair-bound for years, she's in and out of the hospital regularly, she's already lost part of her right leg to infection, and basically, she could die any day. --But her husband, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, says he's about to make her a MOM again. --No, Zsa Zsa isn't getting pregnant, and never had any eggs frozen and stashed away. Von Anhalt plans to use his sperm . . . but the eggs and womb of a donor. --He says, quote, "In life you need something to live for. If my wife passes away before me, I have nothing to live for." --He also claims he and Zsa Zsa talked about having a child when they got married 25 years ago . . . and SHE recently brought it up again. (--Here's video.) --One of the reasons he claims Zsa Zsa wants a kid is to carry on the Gabor name. Neither of Zsa Zsa's two sisters left behind an heir, and Zsa Zsa's only daughter is a HILTON. Her first name is Francesca. --When reached for comment about von Anhalt's baby plan, Francesca said, quote, "That's just weird."


Bobby Brown Is Grateful to Be Off the Heroin, Crack and Coke:

It's hard to believe . . . and some of you may not . . . but BOBBY BROWN has been off drugs for SIX YEARS. --He says, quote, "I'm definitely in a better place in my life. Six years sober from drugs. I'm just really grateful that I can get off the heroin, the crack, the coke. I'm glad I just have a beautiful woman in my life who's always there for me. --"At times when it gets really hard, she's right there, you know, to hold me and let me know, you know, 'Look at where you come from and look at where you are right now.' I'm just grateful." --The woman in his life is his fiancée and manager, Alicia Etheridge, with whom he has a young son. --Of course, Bobby has had to deal with issues surrounding one of his OTHER kids lately. That would be BOBBI KRISTINA . . . his daughter with WHITNEY HOUSTON. Pictures of her allegedly snorting cocaine hit the web recently. --Bobby initially denied that his daughter uses drugs, and it sounds like he's sticking to his guns. He says, quote, "I did talk to her. I have all faith in my daughter that she's going to stay strong for herself. --"My daughter is doing great. I love her dearly."


Gwyneth Paltrow Would Like You To Know She Has Worked Hard for Everything She's Got:

No matter what GWYNETH PALTROW does, there are people out there who are just determined to hate her. And she knows that. But she's got a message for them. --Gwyneth works hard to be where she is . . . and she thinks maybe people hate her because they don't have that same drive. --She says, quote, "I think I do a lot, I think my work ethic is the reason why I'm successful. --"I think that a lot of people don't want to put in effort and it's easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. --"[They're just] pissed off at someone else doing that. Everything in my life that's good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it." --But Gwyneth doesn't think she's better than you. You just THINK she thinks she's better than you. --She says, quote, "I think people mistake me trying to be the best version of myself for me telling them you're not, or they just think well, what does that make me then, you annoying (effing) person on the soapbox. --"But I can't please everybody, all I can do is focus on the people who seem to appreciate what I do and put into the world. I'll just do what I'm doing because, especially now, we live in a world now where everybody is able to express their opinion."


Carrie Fisher and Demi Lovato Comment on Catherine Zeta-Jones:

DEMI LOVATO has had her share of emotional issues lately . . . so she's got words of support for CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, who's seeking treatment for Bipolar 2 disorder. --Yesterday, she Tweeted, quote, "I don't know Catherine Zeta-Jones personally, but what she has decided to do is SO brave. And SO difficult but worth it . . . I'm proud of her." --Meanwhile, famous Bipolar 2 sufferer CARRIE FISHER told "USA Today" what the mood swings can be like . . . quote, "A manic phase is not predictable. The last time, I hacked off my hair, got a tattoo, and wanted to convert to Judaism."


Did Jesse Jackson Proposition a Gay Employee?

A former employee of JESSE JACKSON'S Rainbow Push Coalition has filed a wrongful termination and discrimination complaint against Jesse . . . and his allegations include a claim that Jesse propositioned him for SEX. --The employee, Tommy R. Bennett, is openly gay. And he says Jesse asked him for an ORAL FAVOR sometime after he became Jesse's travel assistant in 2008. --Bennett also claims he had to help Jesse handle all the SIDE-ACTION he was dipping into. --He says he was ordered to perform such "humiliating tasks" as escorting ladies to Jesse's hotel rooms and cleaning up the rooms AFTER THE LOVING. --Before becoming Jesse's assistant, Bennett worked for the Rainbow Push Coalition for two years . . . during which time he suffered discriminatory treatment from multiple supervisors. He complained, but nobody ever did anything about it. --Bennett wants back pay, compensation for emotional distress and punitive damages. He has estimated all of that to be worth about $450,000. --The Rainbow Push Coalition says, quote, "[We] unequivocally deny Tommy Bennett's false claims of harassment, retaliation and discrimination." (--Jesse has been married to his wife Jacqueline Lavinia Brown since 1962 . . . but he's well known for his RESTLESS GROIN SYNDROME. In fact, he even fathered a LOVE CHILD in 1999.)



A Gay Basketball League Has Invited Kobe Bryant to Its Next Game:

Here's one way KOBE BRYANT can make up for slinging gay slurs around the court: A gay b-ball group called the Lambda Basketball League has invited Kobe to come check out a game. --A rep for the league says, quote, "We have seen Kobe's apology and hope that it's sincere. If he really wants to show us he means it he'll come to our next league game." They'll even comp Kobe's tickets. (--Yes, the Lambda League is for real. It's in the Los Angeles area. It's just a local thing, really. And they do have teams and it is competitive.) (--But I noticed on the calendar on their website that they have several days marked for "open play". I assume they mean ON THE COURT . . . but you never know, right?) (???) (--If you want to check out the league, here's the link.)
--Meanwhile, retired baller JOHN AMAECHI . . . the first NBA player to come out of the closet . . . says Kobe has NOT owned up to what he did.
--He says, quote, "It was really a non-apology. Kobe Bryant who is a culture-setter in today's society and never really fully addressed the implications of what he actually said. --"He seemed to be apologizing for the way people would interpret what he said, not the literal meaning of it. He did not accept full responsibility."



"Scream 4", the Animated Parrot Flick "Rio", and Robert Redford's Movie About the Lincoln Assassination Hit Theaters Today:


#1.) "Scream 4"

Neve Campbell returns as Sidney Prescott, who's now a self-help author and back home for a book tour
the new round of Ghostface killings start. According to director Wes Craven, this one is a parody of the "Saw" franchise. --Courteney Cox and David Arquette are back too, but Emma Roberts is being groomed as the star of the franchise from here on out: She plays Neve Campbell's cousin. --One actor who's NOT returning is Jamie Kennedy. His character, Randy, DIED in "Scream 2", but was also part of "Scream 3" in a videotape he recorded before his death. For this latest film, Rory Culkin takes over as the expert on 'the rules.' --As for the rest of the cast, Hayden Panettiere plays Emma Roberts' best friend, with Kristen Bell and "True Blood's"
Anna Paquin in small supporting roles. (Trailer)


#2.) "Rio"

An animated movie with Anne Hathaway and Jesse Eisenberg as the last two birds of their species, which makes them an expensive prize for some birdnappers. They manage to escape, but chaos ensures when Anne learns that Jesse doesn't know how to fly. --George Lopez, Will.I.Am and Jamie Foxx voice some of the other birds, and Tracy Morgan does the voice of the bulldog trying to teach Jesse to fly. (Trailer)


#3.) "The Conspirator"

James McAvoy defends a woman accused of conspiring in the Lincoln assassination. She's played by Robin Wright Penn. --It's directed by Robert Redford. Between the costumes and the way the movie was shot, it's a little hard to recognize some of the actors, but the rest of the cast includes Justin Long, Kevin Kline, Evan Rachel Wood, and Alexis Bledel. (Trailer) (--They also put a photo app online that lets you put your face in costumes from the film. To create an amusing pic of your morning show for your site, just scroll to the bottom of the official site.) (--Here are a few silly images that we created using our staff, the "American Idol" judges, and Charlie Sheen with his goddess, Bree Olson . . .) (Photos)


Check Out the Trailer for Will Ferrell's Spanish-Language Movie:

You may not have known this, but WILL FERRELL recently filmed a comedy . . . entirely in Spanish. --It's called "Casa de Mi Padre" . . . which translates to "House of My Father". It's a parody of Spanish soap operas . . . which are more commonly known as "telenovas". --It also stars GAEL GARCIA BERNAL and DIEGO LUNA . . . the two guys from "Y Tu Mamá También". --And yes, Will speaks Spanish throughout the film . . . as do pretty much all the other characters. The movie will have English subtitles. --There's no word on a release date yet, but it's supposed to come out sometime this year. --The trailer hit the web yesterday. (--You can check it out here.)


It's James Franco's Fault that Apes Rise Up and Take Over the Earth:

The trailer for the "Planet of the Apes" prequel, "Rise of the Planet of the Apes", hit the web yesterday. And it reveals something very important: --It's JAMES FRANCO'S fault that the apes rise up and take over the Earth. (--Check out the trailer here. The movie hits theaters in August.)
(--By the way . . . has anyone used the word "Ape-pocalypse" yet? If not, I'm claiming it right now.)


A Small City in Pennsylvania Is Changing Its Name to a Brand of Fruit Juice for a Movie About How There's Too Much Advertising in America:

MORGAN SPURLOCK . . . the guy who pigged out on McDonald's for the movie "Supersize Me" . . . has a new movie coming out called "POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold". --The movie is about how there's too much advertising in America. And the irony is that POM Wonderful is a juice company . . . and they paid to be the movie's official sponsor. --And that's not all. Spurlock is paying a small city in Central Pennsylvania called Altoona to change its name to POM Wonderful for 60 days. They're going to use the money to benefit their police department. --The name change will take place on April 27th . . . the same day the film screens in the city.



"American Idol" Actually Eliminates a Dude . . . and Two of the Remaining Finalists Might Be Involved:

So, how did the "American Idol" voters follow-up their big PIA TOSCANO shocker from last week? By actually eliminating a MALE contestant: PAUL MCDONALD. --Stefano Langone and Haley Reinhart were also in the Bottom Three. --By the way, there's word that Haley Reinhart and Casey Abrams are working on their song choices . . . together . . . in private, if you know what I mean. (--If not . . . there's talk that they're hookin' up.) --You might have noticed a vibe between them on the show last night, if you were paying attention.


ABC Has Pulled the Plug on "All My Children" and "One Life to Live":

It's official: Soap operas have gone from IN DANGER to ENDANGERED. --Yesterday, ABC announced that they're pulling the plug on "All My Children" and "One Life to Live". Their last remaining soap, "General Hospital", will continue . . . for now. --Both soaps are over 40 years old, and they've both aired over 10,000 episodes. --"All My Children", which premiered in 1970, will end this September. "One Life to Live", which began in 1968, will run through next January. (--"General Hospital" has been around a little longer. It premiered in 1963.) --ABC is replacing both soaps with cheaper talk shows aimed at younger audiences. --A food-related show called "The Chew" will take over for "All My Children". Chef Mario Batali is hosting it, along with "What Not to Wear" co-host Clinton Kelly, "Top Chef" all-star Carla Hall, chef Michael Symon and nutritionist Daphne Oz. (--Daphne is the daughter of Dr. Mehmet Oz. She also wrote a best-seller called "The Dorm Room Diet".) -A "healthy living" show called "The Revolution" will take "One Life to Live's" spot. Tim Gunn from "Project Runway" will host it, alongside former "American Idol" contestant Kimberley Locke and a personal trainer named Harley Pasternak.


Dead Soap Opera Eulogies:

Like all soaps, "All My Children" and "One Life to Life" launched the careers of numerous actors and TV personalities. --Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amanda Seyfried, Kelly Ripa, Josh Duhamel, Mischa Barton and Oscar-winner Melissa Leo are among the stars that have been on "All My Children" . . . --While "One Life to Live's" alumni include: Laurence Fishburne, Tommy Lee Jones, Hayden Panettiere, Phylicia Rashad, Marcia Cross, the late Dixie Carter, Blair Underwood, Judith Light, Nathan Fillion, Ryan Phillippe and Brandon Routh. --Kelly Ripa met her husband Mark Consuelos in the '90s when they played a couple on "All My Children". Kelly had this to say of the cancellation . . . --Quote, "'All My Children' means so much more to me than any place, because [Mark and I] met there, we had our children there, it was a big part of our lives, and I think that to cancel a show that has been on television for so many years . . . --"What are you going to replace it with? I mean I just don't know. I just feel like it's such a training ground for so many actors." She previously said that she'd be "sick to her stomach" if they canceled the show. --And of course there's SUSAN LUCCI, who's an ORIGINAL cast member of "All My Children". She's been playing Erica Kane for the past 41 years. --Susan had this to say: Quote, "It's been a fantastic journey. I've loved playing Erica Kane and working with all the incredible people involved with 'All My Children'. I'm looking forward to all kinds of new and exciting opportunities." (--Susan is 64.)


A Look at the Soap Opera Graveyard:

Soap operas have been dropping like flies recently . . . CBS shut down "Guiding Light" in 2009 and "As the World Turns" in 2010. And NBC dropped "Passions" in 2008. --The ratings for daytime soaps have been declining across the board over the past decade. According to, an average of 6.5 million tuned in to watch daytime soaps during the 1991-1992 TV season. By the 2009-2010 season, that average dropped to 1.3 million. -There are only FOUR remaining daytime soaps on major networks: CBS' "The Young & the Restless" and "The Bold and the Beautiful" . . . NBC's "Days of Our Lives" and ABC's "General Hospital". That's down from 12 in 1990, and 19 in 1969. --Factors contributing to the Death of the Soap Opera may be: The rise of cable, the Internet and melodramatic reality TV . . . and the decline in unemployed housewives.

"Glee" May Cover Rebecca Black's "Friday":

There are certain events that really make you consider the Mayan 2012 doomsday prophecies. And this is one of them. --The people at "Glee" are thinking about taking on REBECCA BLACK'S
"Friday". --The talk is that the song would be featured in an upcoming prom-themed episode. Supposedly, male cast members Kevin McHale, Mark Salling and Chord Overstreet will sing it. There's no OFFICIAL word yet.


Tracy Morgan Does Not Stuff His Crotch on "30 Rock":

TRACY MORGAN was on "The View" yesterday . . . and while he was there, he schooled SHERRI SHEPHERD on the size of his junk. --Sherri, who plays Tracy's wife on "30 Rock", was telling a story about how Tracy stuffed his crotch during a scene they were the filming, but Tracy responded, quote, "That wasn't stuffed! That's me. You know I'm magically delicious. --"I don't create nothing but stalkers!" (--Here's video.)



Friday TV Reminders:


--"Smallville" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW. (--John Schneider returns as Jonathan Kent when Clark returns to that alternate universe where his evil twin was never adopted by the Kents, and instead grew up as a Luthor.)


--"Friday Night Lights" [5th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--This is the final season of the show. It consists of 13 episodes that have already aired on DirecTV and were just released on DVD last week.)


--"Lemonade Mouth" . . . 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. on the Disney Channel. (--Sort of a Disney musical version of "The Breakfast Club". Five high school students serve detention, become friends and form a band. It stars Bridgit Mendler, who your kids know from "Good Luck Charlie" and Adam Hicks from "Zeke and Luther".)


--"The Ricky Gervais Show" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on HBO.


--"Primetime: What Would You Do?" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--This week's scenarios include verbal abuse and scams against the elderly.)


--"Sanctuary" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Syfy.


--"20/20" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Former Chicago Bear Shaun Gayle is interviewed about the fatal shooting death of his pregnant girlfriend by a stalker.)


--"The Whitest Kids U'Know" [5th Season Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on IFC.


Saturday TV Reminders:


--"Supah Ninjas" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on Nickelodeon. (--"Star Trek's"
George Takei plays the grandfather of a shy teenager who forms a secret team of crime-fighting ninjas.)


--"Austin City Limits" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. (--The Avett Brothers and the Heartless Bastards perform.) (REPEAT)


--"Aries Spears: Hollywood, Look I'm Smiling" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Showtime. (--Aries Spears performs standup at New York's Best Buy Theater.)


--"Parking Wars" [5th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on A&E.


--"That Metal Show" . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1 Classic. (--Duff McKagan of Velvet Revolver and Glenn Hughes of Deep Purple are guests.)


--"Saturday Night Live" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. (--Gwyneth Paltrow guest hosts and Cee Lo Green is the musical guest.) (REPEAT)

V Reminders:


--"Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. (--New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter steps up to the plate to surprise a former college baseball player who was paralyzed in a car accident.)


--"Mob Wives" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on VH1. (--The wives of alleged mob bosses get the "Real Housewives" treatment as they try to contend with life after their men go to prison.)


--"Desperate Housewives" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Felicia Tillman returns to Wisteria Lane, Susan takes up gambling, and Bree tries to stop Andrew from admitting to Carlos that he accidentally killed his mother.)


--"Celebrity Apprentice" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--The remaining celebrities must present a 20-minute cooking presentation for a steak company.)


--"2011 TV Land Awards" . . . 9:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land. (--Tim Allen is your host as the casts from "Welcome Back Kotter", "Family Ties", "The Facts of Life", and "The Cosby Show" are honored.)


--"Game of Thrones" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on HBO. (--A new medieval drama based on the George R.R. Martin fantasy series "A Song of Ice and Fire". Sean Bean from "Lord of the Rings" plays Ned Stark. Superstar little person actor Peter Dinklage is also in it.)


--"Audrina" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on VH1. (--"The Hills" star Audrina Patridge gets her own reality series as she struggles with her career.)


--"The Cleveland Show" . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Snoop Dogg and Tony Hawk play themselves. Billy Dee Williams and Rebecca Romijn also guest.)


Shakira Did *Not* Have Her Ring Stolen Off Her Hand During a Show:

SHAKIRA did NOT have a ring stolen off her hand while performing in Mexico last week. Her rep says, quote, "There is no truth to this report." --There was video in which it appeared that the fan could've slipped the ring off her finger . . . but upon closer inspection, the ring didn't go anywhere. (--You can see the video, here, and the stills that prove the ring was not stolen, here.)


Jeff Timmons *Is* Doing Chippendales . . . But He's Not Stripping:

We've heard that former 98 DEGREES singer JEFF TIMMONS has joined the Chippendales show in Las Vegas as a "special music guest star and emcee." That's still happening, but Jeff would like to clarify that he WILL be keeping his clothes on. --Jeff said, quote, "[The regulars] don't even strip, they're like trained dancers. The days of your grandma sticking dollar bills in a stripper's G-string are over."


Soundgarden Have Announced Their Summer Tour Plans:

SOUNDGARDEN is touring North America for the first time in 15 years this summer. --There are only four dates so far, but more will be announced soon. The current dates so far are: July 2nd in Toronto, July 13th in Philadelphia, July 18th in Denver and July 22nd in Los Angeles. --Hit up the band's website, for updates.


Ozzy Osbourne Is the Ambassador of Record Store Day:

Record Store Day is TOMORROW, and OZZY OSBOURNE has been named this year's Record Store Day Ambassador. Ozzy says, quote, "I'm very honored. I just wish I could find a record store." --A bunch of special, limited releases will be available at independent record stores across the country, including some stuff on vinyl. (--Hit up for more information on the special releases and participating stores.) --Ozzy adds, quote, "It's exciting that young bands are making records on vinyl. The big corporations make everything so miniaturized. And when you buy the iPod or the iPad or the i-whatever, six months later it's obsolete."


Check Out Some Fun Covers By a Group Called Karmin:

A duo from Boston called KARMIN have been unleashing some fun covers online . . . and they're worth checking out . . . if just for the wide array of songs that they do. --They do "Look at Me Now" by CHRIS BROWN, featuring BUSTA RHYMES and LIL WAYNE . . . with the girl, Amy, doing some impressive lyrical rap runs. (Video) --And the censored "Forget You" version of CEE LO GREEN'S
"(Eff) You". (Video) --And WILLOW SMITH'S
"Whip My Hair". (Video) (--You can check out all their videos at their YouTube page, here.)


Translation for Whitey: Waka Flocka Flame Explains How Legal Entanglements Make Him Stronger:

WAKA FLOCKA FLAME and his brotha GUCCI MANE have had some brushes with the law recently. Actually, in Gucci's case I don't think "brushes with the law" does it justice. (--Mini-pun intended.) --But Waka is cool with the chaos . . . because he says that kind of stuff makes him stronger. (--Although not necessarily less prone to further legal entanglements.) -He says, quote, "That's just another standpoint of view. I don't think we're being targeted. I think God do a lot of stuff to let you know . . . it always stop you in your tracks. That's just situations God put you through so you be a stronger man . . . --"'Cause it didn't kill us, it just made us stronger. It's just to let you know like, 'Boy, you doing good, why would you go over here and' . . . you know what I'm saying? A lot of situations I probably put myself into. So you just learn from your mistakes." (--TRANSLATION FOR WHITEY: "There are those that believe that the legal institution singles artists such as ourselves out, because of our prominence. But I don't necessarily subscribe to that theory.)



Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:


Prosecutors in the CONRAD MURRAY case say he let MICHAEL JACKSON die because he was too busy juggling three different women . . . including a stripper at the Spearmint Rhino in Las Vegas. (Full Story)



DONALD TRUMP has announced that he will use the season finale of "Celebrity Apprentice" to announce the date of a press conference at which he will announce his presidential intentions. (Full Story)



SARAH PALIN got a restraining order against a 19-year-old stalker who allegedly threatened to harm her and her family . . . and even rape her daughter. (Full Story)



NAOMI JUDD admits that as a mother . . . quote, "I was horrible. I didn't know any better." (Full Story)



"Jersey Shore" moron PAULY D has reportedly been offered a three-album deal by 50 CENT. (Full Story)



The new BRUNO MARS video, "Lazy Song", includes a bunch of guys in monkey masks. (Video)



BRET MICHAELS' new solo album hits stores on June 14th. (Full Story)





A Man Driving a Milk Truck Used His Milk To Put Out a Car Fire and Save Two People's Lives:

Thanks to his quick thinking and an enormous supply of milk, Michael Coyle of Newtownstewart, Ireland gets to be our Hero of the Day. --Earlier this week, two men were driving in Fermanagh, Ireland and got into a serious car accident with another driver who fled the scene. The two men were both trapped and their car was on FIRE. --Michael was driving a tanker truck full of milk down the road and saw the car on fire. He immediately maneuvered his truck into position . . . attached a hose to the back . . . and started DOUSING the car fire with gallons and gallons of MILK. --And it worked. The milk put out the fire. After that, Michael helped pull the two men out of the car. --The fire department commended Michael . . . the local commander said it was definitely the first time in his 28 years that he'd heard of a fire being put out with milk. --The two men from the crash were rushed to the hospital and they're both in stable condition. Police are looking for the hit-and-run driver. (The Anglo-Celt)


More Than Half of Us Think Our Taxes are Fair?

When did we all get so happy about letting the government take our money? --In case you forgot, taxes are due Monday. And apparently most of us are fine donating one-third of our hard-earned income to the cause. --In a new poll by the Associated Press, 54% of Americans say that their taxes are either somewhat or very fair. --46% of people say their taxes are unfair. --Democrats were more likely than Republicans to say their taxes are fair. Women were more likely than men . . . whites were more likely than non-whites . . . and people under 30 and over 65 were more likely than other adults. --And when it comes to trying to cut down the federal deficit, 29% of people say they'd be OK if the government RAISED TAXES to make that happen. --62% think the best strategy would be cutting government services. --Only 51% of people say they're expecting a tax refund this year. But according to the IRS, 87% of people have qualified for refunds so far this year. (MSNBC)


The University of Colorado Has Been Named the Top Party School For 2011:

Here it is: The annual survey that colleges secretly know is GREAT for their reputation . . . but which they have to come out and BASH just to maintain appearances. --"Playboy" has just put out its list of the top PARTY SCHOOLS for 2011. And this year's number one is . . . the University of Colorado Boulder. --They ranked CU number one based on all the breweries nearby . . . how close it is to ski slopes . . . and because of Boulder's many medicinal marijuana dispensaries. --They also factor in things like male-to-female ratio, the success of the sports teams, the music scene, the Greek scene in their rankings. --The rest of the top 10 party schools are: --Penn State . . . Arizona State . . . the University of Western Ontario in Canada . . . Texas . . . Wisconsin . . . Georgia . . . Tennessee . . . the University of Central Florida . . . and the University of California-Santa Barbara. --Traditionally, after this list comes out, the president of the winning school puts out a statement about how great the school's academics are, and how they don't want to be known as a party school. --So far, we haven't heard that from Colorado, but we're guessing it'll come out sometime today. (USA Today)


Would You Wear Boxer Briefs Printed To Look Like Tight Denim Cutoffs? Of Course You Would:

We're loving this new product out of Japan. They're called JeanPants and they're men's boxer briefs that are printed to look just like skin-tight denim cutoffs. --They look incredibly authentic, and they're not cheap . . . an importer is selling them for $61 plus $18 shipping. (--Check them out here . . . or buy them here.)


Ninety-Eight Out of 100 American Catholics are Ignoring That Whole "Don't Use Birth Control" Thing:

The Catholic Church still bans birth control. We all know this. It's the only reason Ireland still has a population. What do today's Catholics in America think of the ban? Um . . . no one tell the POPE, but they're REALLY not into it. --According to a new study from the Guttmacher Reproductive Health Institute, a solid 98% of American Catholics, or 98 out of every 100, say they use or have used birth control. That even includes Catholics who go to church at least once a month. --Only 2% are still using the Church's suggestion, which is the old-school rhythm method . . . trying to have sex based on the woman's fertile times. --The study also found that Catholic women are more likely to be sexually active by their early 20s than other women . . . whether they're married or not. 89% of Catholics had sex in their 20s versus 79% of all women. (LiveScience)


An Ancient Language Might Die Because Only Two People Still Speak It . . . And They Refuse To Speak To Each Other:

There's an ancient language in southeast Mexico called Ayapaneco, and it's dying. There are only TWO people left in the world who are fluent in it. --And this is just perfect: They hate each other so much, they REFUSE TO SPEAK to each other. --So NO ONE is conversing in Ayapaneco, because these two guys just won't talk. --The two men are 75-year-old Manuel Segovia and 69-year-old Isidro Velazquez. They live less than a mile apart. --And according to a linguistic anthropologist from Indiana University who's been meeting with them, quote, "they have never really enjoyed each other's company." --They also won't teach anyone new the language. Manuel has tried in the past but apparently he's, quote, "a little prickly" and gets frustrated when people don't pick things up quickly. --And Isidro doesn't like to leave his house and doesn't want to bother teaching anyone. --Linguists are trying to compile a record of Ayapaneco while both of these guys are still alive . . . but since they're making it so incredibly difficult, it looks like their feud and their general stubbornness could kill off their language. (The Guardian)


Burger King Introduces a New Double-Bacon-Cheeseburger-and-Chicken Sandwich . . . But Only In Japan:

Isn't Japan supposed to be one of the last skinny countries left on the planet? Well . . . Burger King is seriously determined to change that. --Burger Kings in Japan have just rolled out a new sandwich called the MEAT MONSTER. It's got two burger patties, cheese, bacon . . . and a full CHICKEN BREAST . . . all on one bun. --And you can also choose to add an EGG or a FISH PATTY into the mix. --The Meat Monster checks in at 1,160 calories . . . which is about double a normal Whopper. Burger King hasn't said anything about whether the burger could make its way over here. (Slashfood) (--Here's a photo of the Meat Monster.)



Police Find a Man Suspected of Murder Back in 1980 . . . After He's Arrested For Threatening To Shoot the Staff at a Restaurant:

Back on November 15th, 1980, a 32-year-old man named Ronald Miranda was accused of killing another man in Los Banos, California. Miranda vanished, and his case went cold. --Fast-forward to last week. The police in Florida City, Florida got a call from some waitresses at Captain's Restaurant and Seafood. They wanted to report that their manager had threatened to KILL THEM. --Their manager's name was Richard Gamble. The waitresses had informed him that his girlfriend was stealing from the restaurant's cash register, and he responded with death threats. --Quote, "I am going to cap these [witches] in their heads. If I'm fired I'm not going out without a bang. I am not leaving without shooting this place up. It will be like Vietnam. Tomorrow is the end of this." --The Florida City police went to the restaurant and arrested Gamble for making threats. -And when they fingerprinted him, they found out that Richard Gamble was an alias . . . he was actually Ronald Miranda, now 63 years old, living under a fake name for almost 31 years. --Thanks to his idiotic death threats, the police were able to crack the murder from 1980. And now he's locked up in Florida. (Merced Sun-Star)


Police Try To Pull Over a Woman, She Heads Into the McDonald's Drive Thru . . . And They Arrest Her After She Buys Her Lunch:

On Monday, police in Coral Springs, Florida tried to pull over 64-year-old Roberta Spen because her brake lights were out. --She either didn't see the cop trying to pull her over or didn't care . . . because she was HUNGRY. Roberta ignored the cop and pulled into a McDonald's drive-thru. --The cop rolled with the punches . . . and pulled into the drive thru line behind her. He kept flashing his siren and telling her to pull over . . . and she kept on ignoring him. --Roberta ordered her food, paid, and picked up her food before she FINALLY got out of the lane and stopped for the cop. Tragically, no one's reporting on what she ordered. --She refused to give the cop her license and registration and kept telling him that she wasn't speeding. Then, she drove away. --That led to a chase with SEVERAL cops following Roberta . . . but she wouldn't stop for the sirens. --They finally caught her when she did stop . . . for a red light. --Roberta wasn't drunk or under the influence of drugs, and doesn't have a criminal record. She was arrested for fleeing and eluding, resisting arrest, and driving with defective equipment . . . and now, she's getting a psych evaluation. (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)


In Florida, a Man Helps the Police Find His Stolen Car . . . When He Randomly Drives Up Behind It:

This is just INCREDIBLE luck. Well, not the first part where a guy gets robbed. But the way he CRACKED the robbery . . . now THAT'S luck. --Last week, Ben Gaskill of Windermere, Florida and his family went on a weekend vacation to New Smyrna Beach, Florida. While they were gone, someone broke into their house and stole their 2005 Hyundai Sonata. --When the Gaskills got home on Monday, Ben reported the car stolen. Then he got in their other car to head to the hardware store to get new locks and keys for the house. --And while he was driving, he stopped at a red light . . . and realized he had randomly pulled up behind HIS STOLEN CAR. --He said he knew it was his because it had a flower sticker in the back window that he'd put there for his wife. --Ben called 911, told them he was behind his own stolen car, and stayed on the line until deputies arrived. --They arrested three 17-year-olds and a 16-year-old who were in the car. Because they're minors, their names haven't been released. (CBS 6 - Orlando)


A Man is Arrested After Freaking Out at a Nightclub . . . Because They Confiscated the Cap To His Dry-Erase Marker?

I'm not sure I quite follow this guy's thought process . . . but I know I like it. --The man is a 32-year-old from Fort Walton Beach, Florida whose name wasn't released. Back on March 26th, he was drunk and went to a nightclub called Swamp. Police were called after he started making a disturbance. --The cops told him to leave the club, but he said he wouldn't go unless the club gave back two things of his that they'd confiscated. --One was a BULL WHIP . . . and the other was the CAP to a dry-erase marker. Not the marker itself. Just the cap. Yeah, we can't figure it out either. --The club gave him back the whip, but said they couldn't find the cap to his marker. And that's when he FREAKED OUT. --He told the cops he was a sniper with the Marines and he'd kill them. He refused to leave the club, so they handcuffed him and put him in the back of a police van, where he started kicking the windows. --They took him out of the van to shackle his legs . . . and he responded by running HEADFIRST into the side of the van, repeatedly. --They finally subdued him, and he's been charged with trespassing, criminal mischief property damage, and resisting an officer. All over the cap to a dry-erase marker . . . not even the marker itself. (Northwest Florida Daily News)


A Man is Arrested For Texting a Friend To See If He was Home . . . Then Robbing His House When He's Not:

Now THIS, folks, is a BAD FRIEND. --Last week, 31-year-old James Z. Hill of Murrysville, Pennsylvania texted an old friend of his from high school. James asked him if he was at work. The friend texted back that, yeah, he was at work. --So James robbed his house. --And this wasn't the first time. The Murrysville Police say that James has robbed at least two other people he was friends with back at Franklin Regional High School, by texting them to find out where they were and then robbing their houses. --This third time is when James got caught. As he robbed the guy's house, another one of that guy's friends was driving by and saw James breaking in. He called the police. --They found James with some jewelry from the house and arrested him for burglary, criminal trespass, receiving stolen property, and theft. They believe he also stole jewelry from his other two friends, and pawned it. --James told the police he was stealing the jewelry to get money to buy some drugs. He also said that he could rob houses while other people were at work because he doesn't have a job himself. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)



For Quick Links to Outside Sources, Here Are Today's Stupid News Extras:


A guy in Massachusetts decided he wanted to roll with a 'road soda', and drove with a Coors Light hidden in his coffee cup. It might have worked, if he hadn't rear-ended another car that stopped for a crossing guard and some children. (Full Story)



A burglar in Mississippi kept stealing the pain medication Lortab, so the pharmacist set up a decoy bottle. And on his most recent break-in, the robber ended up with . . . a pill bottle full of kidney beans. (Full Story)



The FBI has released a death threat made in 1974 to Colonel Harland Sanders of KFC. The letter also threatened Mrs. Sanders, and was signed, "The General." (Full Story)



A 39-year-old woman in Florida was arrested after she dropped her hot pink pants, exposed her buttocks, and mooned a school bus. The driver realized what happened when some of the elementary students on the bus started screaming. (Full Story)



The number of Americans living within ten miles of a nuclear power plant has increased 17% in the last decade, and one in three live within 50 miles of one. (Full Story)



A man in North Carolina was busted for killing his wife after the FBI checked his Google Maps history, and found zoomed-in satellite images of the secluded dirt road where her body was found. And he'd accessed them BEFORE she disappeared. (Full Story)



A driver in Canada was charged with operating an unsafe vehicle . . . because he'd inserted a La-Z-Boy as his passenger seat. (Full Story)



A nun named Sister Mary Schmuck is fighting for the sensitivity of people with the last name Schmuck. She says she wants people to stop thinking of, quote, "the dirty male part" when they hear her name, and that, quote, "at one point there were 400 Schmucks in America." (Full Story)




Dunkin' Donuts has relaunched their website, From a new Trip Planner to locate Dunkin' Donuts restaurants along your route, to nutritional information now customized for your favorite Dunkin' Donuts food and beverages, the new offers a host of innovative tools and information presented in an interactive and mobile-friendly layout, making it easier and more fun than ever for on-the-go people "to keep themselves running on Dunkin' anytime, anywhere." Key features of the site include a homepage with localized content, an improved restaurant locator, direct connectivity to Twitter, Facebook and YouTube, and a fully-integrated menu and nutrition section. Also notable is the launch of "Behind the Beans," Dunkin' Donuts' first-ever blog.




#1.) Someone Did a Parody of the BBC Documentary "Human Planet" . . . About Douchey Guys:

The BBC ran a documentary series earlier this year called "Human Planet", and it just started airing on the Discovery channel this past Sunday. --Now, just in time for the weekend, someone posted a parody of it on YouTube that examines the mating habits of "The Douche." According to the parody, the Douche pops his collar, wears sunglasses in the club, and tries to pick up chicks. --He has to get girls drunk in order to mate with them, but inevitably fails, and resorts to beating up other guys to repair his self-seteem. (--Search for "BBC Human Planet: The Douche.") (--WARNING: This video includes the words "douche" and "douche bag" multiple times.)


#2.) A McDonald's Ad Was Yanked From TV in the Philippines . . . Because a Little Girl Asks a Little Boy If He's Her Boyfriend:

A McDonald's ad was yanked from TV in the Philippines for being too obscene . . . but it's not obscene AT ALL. It's all in Filipino, but it shows a little girl asking a boy if he's her boyfriend, and the boy says he's not ready because girlfriends are too demanding. --Then in the end, they walk off together and ALMOST hold hands. That's it. But Catholic leaders there thought the ad might cause preschoolers everywhere to start dating. (--Search for "McDonald's Pulls Obscene Ad.")


#3.) The Sacramento Kings Might Be Moving to Anaheim Next Season . . . And their Longtime Broadcasters Got Emotional After the Final Game:

The Sacramento Kings basketball team might be moving to Anaheim in the offseason. And they might even change their name to the Royals, so people don't confuse them with the L.A. Kings hockey team. --They missed the playoffs by 22 games this year, and after their final game of the season on Wednesday night, longtime broadcasters GRANT NAPEAR and JERRY REYNOLDS had a hard time holding back the tears. (--Search for "Grant & Jerry Emotional Signoff." They get emotional at :29.)


#4.) A Girl on YouTube Did 18 Different Animal Impressions in 90 Seconds:

--There's a new video on YouTube of a girl doing 18 different animal impressions in under 90 seconds. A few of them are average . . . as far as animal impressions go . . . but some of them are really good. --A few of the highlights are when she does an American Robin, a cricket, a peacock, a horse, a sheep, and a parrot. (--Search for "Mel's Hidden Talent.")


Four Things That Are Scientifically Proven to Turn Women On:


You might have already heard that the color red and the smell of a guy's sweat have been scientifically proven to turn women on. But just in time for the weekend, here are four more things that can boost a woman's libido.


#1.) Loud Car Engines. If you think guys who rev their engines at traffic lights are morons . . . you're right. But they also might be onto something: --The sound of a powerful engine has been proven to elevate testosterone levels in women's saliva, which indicates an increase in how aroused they are.


#2.) A Deep Voice. It's not really surprising, but a 2007 study by scientists in the U.S. and Canada proved that men with deep voices are seen as more dominant, healthier, and more masculine. --And it doesn't just apply here. According to a sample of 100 men and women living in tribes in Tanzania, men with deep voices fathered the most children. (???)


#3.) Cucumbers. You're probably thinking it's because of the SHAPE, but you're just a pervert because it's actually the SMELL . . . it's been shown to increase blood flow to a woman's nether regions and make her more aroused.


#4.) Bananas. Again, it's not because of the shape. Researchers at Rockefeller University in Manhattan studied female rats. --And they found that there's a strong connection between sexual arousal and how many potassium ions were flowing to their brains. (


Four Secrets About the Way Happy Couples Talk to Each Other:

Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship: Being patient, being a good listener, blah blah blah. Anyway, according to, here are four secrets about the way happy couples talk to each other.

#1.) They Share Similar Speech Patterns. According to a study from the "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology", couples who speak using the same tone, inflection, and phrases are happier than couples with different speech patterns. --Basically, when people speak in similar styles, it shows that they're more in-synch, which makes them happier overall.

#2.) They Say "We" Instead of "Me". Couples who regularly use words like "we," "us," and "our" are more connected than couples who tend to say "I" or "me." The thinking is that by creating a shared identity, it's easier to face challenges together.

#3.) Their Conversations Include More Substantial Topics. According to research published in "Psychological Science", couples who spend more time discussing topics with meaning are more satisfied than couples who mostly make small talk.

#4.) They Use Secret or Endearing Terms Together. Sure, it's corny, but when couples call each other pet names like "honey" or "baby" or "sugarlips," they're actually bonding as a couple. --People who use pet names and share inside jokes are generally happier with their relationship than couples who aren't as playful. (


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