Tuesday, May 24, 2011



Here Are Two "Macho Man" Randy Savage 911 Calls:

Two women who witnessed "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE'S fatal car accident called 911 to report it. Those calls hit the Internet yesterday. (--You can listen to them here.)

Macho Man's Ashes Will Be Spread Around a Tree Where His Dog's Ashes Were:

There will be no public memorial for "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE . . . because he didn't want one. --Instead, Randy will be cremated, and his ashes will be spread around his favorite tree. It's the same spot where Savage spread the ashes of his beloved dog Hercules a few years ago. It'll be a small service for family only. --Randy's brother, "LEAPING" LANNY POFFO, says that Randy would say, quote, "If it's good enough for Herc, it's good enough for me." (--One last note: THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR posted some videos paying tribute to Savage. In one of them, he revealed that he and Randy frequently abused one particular substance: COFFEE.) (--You can see the video here. The audio is a little quiet . . . but it's interesting to see what Warrior looks like now, and without makeup. I have to say he's held up quite well.)

Joakim Noah Was Fined $50,000 For Hurling a Gay Slur at a Fan:

The NBA fined JOAKIM NOAH of the Chicago Bulls $50,000 for hurling that gay slur that rhymes with SAGET at a fan during Sunday night's playoff game against the Miami Heat. --That's only HALF what they fined KOBE BRYANT for saying that same word during a game earlier in the season. And it's because Kobe was cussing out a REFEREE when he said it. --The NBA said, quote, "Kobe's fine included discipline for verbal abuse of a game official." --Noah is making about $3.1 million this season, which means the fine is 1.6% of his salary. --Before the fine was announced, Noah apologized . . . and said he just lost it because a fan was being annoying . . . quote, "The fan said something that was disrespectful towards me, and I went back at him. Got it on camera. --"I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm not like that. I'm an open-minded guy. I said the wrong thing and I'm going to pay the consequences . . . deal with the consequences . . . like a man. --"I don't want to be a distraction to the team right now."


Was Arnold Schwarzenegger's Baby Mama a Self-Hating Hispanic and a Man-Eater?

Not surprisingly, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER'S baby-mama is taking a beating in the press. TMZ ran two stories ripping on Mildred "Patty" Baena yesterday . . . one calling her a self-hating Hispanic, and the other calling her a man-eater. --So-called "sources" who worked with Patty say she did everything she could to become friendly with Caucasians, and would often say that, quote, "white people were better." (--Patty was born in Guatemala.) --One of those sources said Patty's peers didn't like her because she, quote, "felt like she was better than the rest of us." --Meanwhile, other sources say nobody was surprised when they found out Patty was impregnated by Arnold, because she was an extremely aggressive man-chaser . . . and her behavior in trying to snag men was often, quote, "inappropriate." --Meanwhile, Patty has hired a legal team . . . and they've already fired off a letter to RadarOnline.com because of something they had written about her. There's no word who's paying for the attorneys. (--A Beverly Hills boutique called Kitson has ordered TEAM MARIA T-shirts, and will be selling them soon. They have a banner up in their window advertising them. Check it out here.) (Radar Online)

Here We Go Again: Donald Trump Says He Won't Rule Out Jumping Back Into the Presidential Race If a Decent Republican Candidate Doesn't Emerge:

Here we go again: DONALD TRUMP said yesterday on Fox News that he won't rule out jumping back into the presidential race, if the right Republican candidate doesn't emerge. --He said, quote, "Who knows? Stranger things have happened. I look at these Republican candidates and I'm saying, 'What's going on?' This country cannot afford to lose this election." --He added, quote, "I can't rule out anything. The country is so important; it's so vital that we choose the right person. And at this moment, I don't see that person." (--Here's video.)

The "Candy Land" Movie Will Be "'Lord of the Rings', But Set in a World of Candy":

We all know this new trend of basing movies on board games like Battleship and Monopoly is going to turn out silly, right? Of course. --That being said, it sounds like the "Candy Land" movie could turn out either surprisingly good . . . or so jaw-droppingly bad that it's AWESOME. --One of the guys who's writing the script told "Entertainment Weekly", quote, "We envision it as 'Lord of The Rings', but set in a world of candy." --He added, quote, "We don't see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on. --"We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake." (--I hate to say it, but I'm suddenly relatively certain I want to see this movie. Maybe after the first trailer comes out I'll change my mind. But as it stands, they kinda have me.)

The First "Muppets" Trailer Starts Out Like a Romantic Comedy Starring Jason Segel and Amy Adams:

"The Muppets" hits theaters on November 23rd, and there's a brand new trailer for it online. --It actually starts out as almost a parody trailer for a romantic comedy called "Green With Envy", starring JASON SEGEL and AMY ADAMS . . . but the HOT MUPPET ACTION kicks in at about the 51-second mark. (--Check it out here.) --Jason and Amy are among the HUMAN stars of the film . . . and Segel wrote the screenplay.

Mike Tyson Made $200,000 For His "Hangover Part 2" Cameo . . . And He Gets Soundtrack Royalties for His Cover of "One Night In Bangkok" . . . ?

MIKE TYSON earned $200,000 for his cameo in "The Hangover Part 2", which is twice what he got for doing the first movie. But he'll actually make more than that. --Tyson also recorded a cover of the 1984 MURRAY HEAD song "One Night in Bangkok" . . . because that's where the movie takes place. It'll be on the soundtrack, and Tyson will get royalties from it. --Tyson's contract also guarantees him first class travel and lodging for the premiere . . . and one DVD copy of the film. (???) (--Listen to the original "One Night in Bangkok" here.)

They're Making a Reality Show About Extreme Grandmas . . . with Elly May Clampett from "The Beverly Hillbillies" and "The Partridge Family's" Shirley Jones:

There's a reality show in development about EXTREME GRANDMAS. It's called "America's Most Gorgeous Glam-mas". --It'll feature women, between the ages of 42 and 77, who have wild hobbies, occupations and lifestyles. For example, there's a grandma kung fu master, a bull rider, a bounty hunter, an elderly model (???) and a "daredevil wing walker." --And the best part is that two 77-year-old former TV stars are tied to the project. Former "Partridge Family" mom SHIRLEY JONES will host the show, and introduce the segments. --And DONNA DOUGLAS . . . who played Elly May Clampett on "The Beverly Hillbillies" . . . will also appear on the show, but it's unclear what she'll be doing. --A pilot episode has been produced, and it's making the rounds. There's no word if any networks are interested. (--By the way, "wing walking" is when someone gets out on the wings of an airplane while it's in the air and does various stunts. So yeah, that really puts the "elderly model" to shame.)

Ratings Rundown: The "Billboard Music Awards", and the Season Finales of "Celebrity Apprentice" and "Saturday Night Live":

#1.) The three-hour "Billboard Music Awards" averaged 7.9 million viewers on Sunday night. That was its biggest audience since 2003 . . . but that being said, this was the first year since 2006 that the ceremony was televised.

#2.) The season finale of "Celebrity Apprentice" did NOT draw big ratings . . . not that DONALD TRUMP would admit it. (--He'd surely have a spin . . . and say it was the best something of something in the history of something.) --The finale averaged 8.3 million viewers. The last season of "Celebrity Apprentice" wrapped with an audience of 10.3 million.

#3.) The "Saturday Night Live" finale . . . with JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and LADY GAGA . . . had its highest rating in SEVEN years. That dates back to 2004's finale, when Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen co-hosted and J-Kwon was the musical guest. The exact number of viewers hasn't been released.
Tuesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"NBA Playoffs: Heat vs. Bulls" [Eastern Conference Finals Game 4] . . . 8:30 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on TNT. (--The Miami Heat host the Chicago Bulls.)

--"American Idol" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. (--This is it, the final two contestants are Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery.)

--"The Biggest Loser" [11th Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.

--"Dancing with the Stars" [12th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--The final three contestants Kirstie Alley, Chelsea Kane and Hines Ward do their favorite dances for the last time. The Black Eyed Peas and The Go-Gos perform.)

--"Glee" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--New Directions travels to New York City to compete at Nationals.)

--"The Voice" [Battle Round #3] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Reba, Sia, Monica, and producer Adam Blackstone return as advisors to the coaches.)

--"Pregnant In Heels" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo.


Movies on DVD:

--"I Am Number Four" - Alex Pettyfer is one of nine alien teens hiding on Earth, "Glee's" Dianna Agron plays the human chick he falls for, and Teresa Palmer from "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" plays Number Four's sexy ally Number Six. (Trailer)

--"The Big Bang" - Antonio Banderas plays a private detective hired to find a missing stripper in a case that somehow involves stolen diamonds, porn . . . and particle physics. Snoop Dogg has a cameo as a porn director, and the missing stripper is played by "Resident Evil's" Sienna Guillory. (Trailer)

--"Gnomeo & Juliet" - Shakespeare's "Romeo & Juliet" . . . for garden gnomes. James McAvoy is Gnomeo Montague, who risks forbidden animated love with Emily Blunt's Juliet. Michael Caine is the leader of the red Montague gnomes, "Harry Potter's" Maggie Smith is the leader of the blue Capulet gnomes, and Ozzy Osbourne plays a foul-mouthed concrete deer. (Trailer)

TV Series On DVD:

--"Lemonade Mouth" . . . a two-disc DVD set.
--"The Royal Wedding: William & Catherine" . . . a single-disc DVD.
--"William & Kate: Planning a Royal Wedding" . . . a single-disc DVD.
--"Childrens' Hospital: Seasons 1-2" . . . a two-disc DVD set.
--"Kids In The Hall: Death Comes To Town - Season 1" . . . a two-disc DVD set.
--"Melissa & Joey: Season 1 Part 1" . . . a two-disc DVD set.


Kinect "Kung Fu Panda 2" and the Rally Car Racer "DiRT3" Are Out Tomorrow:

--"Kung Fu Panda 2" (E10+) . . . on Xbox360, PS3, Wii and Nintendo DS. The Xbox version requires the Kinect sensor to play. The movie hits theaters on Thursday and it's about Po's quest to save kung fu from someone wielding a weapon that stops kung fu.

--"DiRT3" (T) . . . on Xbox360 and PS3. Race, drift and accelerate your way all over Europe, Africa and the U.S. "DiRT3" has over 50 cars that span the entire five decade history of off-road racing. In order to elevate your global standing you need to master making your turns during adverse conditions like dust, rain and snow. The game also features something called Gymkhana mode. I believe Gymkhana roughly translated means "the most insane race course ever made". Check out the 2:40 mark of this video to see just how nuts this sport really is. (Trailer)
--"Dead or Alive Dimensions" (T) . . . on 3DS. A fighting game to play while you're on the go. All of the characters and Danger Zones (brutal moves that send your opponent falling down a cliff or crashing through several stories of a building) have made their way over to the 3DS. If you get tired of mashing buttons, switch on Rookie mode and simply tap the lower screen to perform combos or special moves. Lame? Probably, but who wants to look like a crazy person try to pull off a 10 button combo in a crowded bus or doctor's office. (Trailer)

--"Dungeons & Dragons: Daggerdale" (T) . . . on PC. If you're into D&D, this game has four player online co-op so instead of ignoring the real world by throwing dice on a board with your friends you can stare at your computer monitor instead. (Trailer)

ESRB Game Ratings: (E) for Everyone; (T) for Teen; (M) for Mature (18+)


--"Born This Way", Lady Gaga (--A special edition includes three bonus tracks, plus an additional disc with five remixes.)

--"Glee: The Music, Volume 6", the cast of "Glee" (--It includes Lady Gaga's "Born This Way", four Fleetwood Mac songs including "Dreams" with Kristin Chenoweth, ABBA's "Dancing Queen", and Adele's "Turning Tables" with Gwyneth Paltrow.)

--"NKOTBSB", New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys (--It includes five classic songs from each group, plus the new joint single "Don't Turn Out the Lights" and a mash-up of hits from both groups.)


Amazon Sold Lady Gaga's New Album for 99 Cents Yesterday, and Was Slammed with Traffic:

Amazon.com had a special one-day promotion yesterday . . . where you could download LADY GAGA'S new album "Born This Way" for 99 cents. Yes, the full album . . . all 14 tracks. --This was for the download only. The CD version was going for $7.99. (--For what it's worth, iTunes has the album set at $11.99, or $15.99 for the deluxe edition.) --Not surprisingly, Amazon was slammed with traffic, and some people were having trouble getting their download. But Amazon is making good on their offer. --A note on the site said: Quote, "We're experiencing high volume and downloads are delayed. If you order today, you will get the [deal]. Thanks for your patience."

Lady Gaga Admitted She Had a Threesome:

Over the weekend, LADY GAGA was in Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg'S "SNL" Digital Short about threesomes . . . so it was only a matter of time before someone asked her if she'd done it in REAL life. --Well, it happened in a radio interview yesterday morning . . . (--with "Mojo in the Morning" out of Detroit.) -Lady Gaga responded, quote, "Umm, well, I suppose I have, yes." -When pressed for details . . . specifically, whether there were two guys . . . Lady Gaga actually shied away, saying, quote, "I don't want to reveal too much. I just will say the truth."

The First Album Lady Gaga Bought Was Green Day's "Dookie":

If you're like me, it's easy to forget that LADY GAGA is just 25 years old. --If that isn't sinking in . . . this is something that should hammer that home for you: The first album she bought was GREEN DAY'S "Dookie", which came out in 1994. --Lady Gaga explains, quote, "[I bought it] with my own money. But my parents got me Stevie Wonder, 'Signed, Sealed [and] Delivered', and the Beatles when I was younger . . . 'A Hard Day's Night'. --"Yeah, they were two CDs and they were given to me with [a] little boom box for Christmas when I was young." --Lady Gaga says it was those selections that made her turn out the way she did. --She says, quote, "Just good choices, Mom and Dad. They could have chose anything, but Stevie Wonder and the Beatles? I mean, it's totally their fault. --"Don't spoon feed me the Beatles and Stevie Wonder and Bruce Springsteen and Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin and Elton John and expect for me not to turn out this way. Nobody made you do that." (--Here's the audio.) (--Wait . . . "turn out this way"? I thought she was BORN THIS WAY.)
Bono and The Edge Will Perform on the "American Idol" Finale:

BONO and THE EDGE will perform on the "American Idol" finale tomorrow night . . . but the rest of U2 won't be there. Instead, they'll be sharing the stage with the cast of the Broadway rock musical "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark". (--Bono and The Edge composed the music for the show.)

A New Beyoncé Song Has Leaked Online:

A BEYONCÉ song called "Till the End of Time" has leaked online. It's off her new album, "4", which hits stores on June 28th. (--You can check it out, here.)


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Last night on "Dancing With the Stars", HINES WARD and CHELSEA KANE each got near-perfect scores of 59 on their two dances. KIRSTIE ALLEY got a 54. Tonight, the contestants each dance one more time, and then a winner is crowned. (Full Story)

RICKI LAKE has a new live-in boyfriend . . . but unfortunately, all that LOVIN' has cut into her workout time. She says, quote, "I haven't been going to the gym as much. I'm a bit fluffier than usual." (Full Story)

DAVID SCHWIMMER'S rep just announced that his wife gave birth to a baby girl on the 8th of this month. They named her Cleo. (Full Story)

MICHAEL JACKSON is still dead . . . but DR. CONRAD MURRAY had the time of his life on the Dumbo ride at Disneyland Sunday. (Photo)

Former "Taxi" stars TONY DANZA and MARILU HENNER have been spending a lot of time at the bedside of their former co-star JEFF CONAWAY. (Full Story)

Check out a list of Hollywood's most interesting failed blockbusters of the past 25 years. It includes "Howard the Duck", "Treasure Planet", "Speed Racer" and "Last Action Hero". (Full Story)

Showtime is bringing "Nurse Jackie" back for a fourth season . . . but they're canceling "United States of Tara", which will finish its third and final season next month. (Full Story)

You have to admit, if you're following the OFF-CAMERA relationship status of BRAD WOMACK and EMILY MAYNARD, you're in too deep. But if you need your fix, here's the latest: Emily was spotted without her engagement ring. (Full Story)

We now have the details of former KISS guitarist VINNIE VINCENT'S assault arrest, and it isn't pretty. He allegedly smacked his wife in the face . . . grabbed her by the hair . . . and dragged her through a pile of broken glass. (Full Story)

GREYSON CHANCE . . . the 13-year-old kid who's famous for singing LADY GAGA'S "Paparazzi" at a school talent show . . . is releasing his debut album, "Hold On 'Til the Night" on August 2nd. It's on ELLEN DEGENERES' label. (Full Story)

NPR is streaming DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE'S new album "Codes and Keys". It hits stores next Tuesday. (Listen)

BLINK-182 is touring with MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE later this year. (Full Story)


President Obama Drank a Guinness in Ireland . . . And His Limo Bottomed Out On a Curb:

PRESIDENT OBAMA was in Ireland yesterday, doing some combination of diplomatic relations, visiting his Irish roots, and starting his 2012 campaign for the Irish-American vote early. A couple things happened that people are talking about. --One, he visited a town called Moneygall . . . where his grandfather's grandfather was from . . . and hit a pub for a Guinness, like most American Presidents do at some point. --The photo circulating shows him toasting with his pint, while MICHELLE OBAMA gets going on her drinking. (--Here's video. Yes, the president drinking a beer in Ireland is a major media event.) (???) --And earlier in the day, one of the armored presidential limousines bottomed out on a curb outside the U.S. Embassy in Dublin, and people in the crowd started laughing. Those are the limos that can supposedly survive a missile attack. --Apparently Obama was actually in the limo behind it, and his driver had to slam on the brakes to avoid rear-ending the one that got hung up. (--Search YouTube for "Obama's Car Gets Stuck at US Embassy." It happens at :12.)

The Rapture Didn't Come On Saturday . . . But the Guy Who Predicted It Says the World Is Definitely Going To End in October:

Alright. So the Rapture didn't come on Saturday. 89-year-old HAROLD CAMPING, the preacher who runs Family Radio and made the prediction, must realize that he screwed up. Right? Wrong. --Harold's full prediction claimed that May 21st was supposed to be the Rapture. The righteous would be called up to heaven, earthquakes would devastate Earth, and we'd all live in misery until God finally destroyed us on October 21st. --So even though May 21st didn't happen, Harold is still sticking by his October 21st prediction. In other words: If we decide to keep giving this guy attention, get ready to go through this entire dog-and-pony show for another five months. --Harold says, quote, "We were convinced that on May 21, God would return in a very physical way by bringing in an earthquake and ushering the final five months of judgment. When we look at it spiritually, we find that he did come." --So we're not sure how he came spiritually. But Harold says he did. And he continues, quote, "The world has been warned. The world is under judgment. We're just learning we have to look at all of this more spiritual. But it won't be spiritual on October 21." (Gawker)

A Teenager Jumped Into a River To Celebrate the World Not Ending . . . And Drowned:

The Rapture was supposed to come on Saturday. It didn't. Most of us celebrated that with sarcasm. If only this kid had done the same thing . . . --On Sunday, 18-year-old Anthony Thompson of Kalamazoo, Michigan and his friends decided to celebrate the world not ending by jumping into the Kalamazoo River. All of the other friends were good swimmers . . . Anthony was not. --He was swept away in the current. Rescuers searched for him until it was too dark to continue, but couldn't find him . . . and the sheriff's department says he's presumed drowned. (Kalamazoo Gazette)

The Rapture Didn't Happen on Saturday, But at Least Someone Found the Virgin Mary on a Turtle Shell:

The Rapture didn't end up happening over the weekend, so the second coming of JESUS is not upon us after all. But the world DID get this . . . --On Saturday, in Streamwood, Illinois, a woman found an image of the VIRGIN MARY on the underside of a turtle. --We're always skeptical of these things . . . and the image looks more like DARTH VADER than the Virgin Mary . . . but it's the closest we got to something of Biblical proportions on Saturday, so we'll roll with it. (NBC 5 - Chicago) (--Here's a photo of the Virgin Mary on the turtle.)

57% of People Say "Geek" Is Now a Compliment:

Things have changed a lot since you were in high school, man. According to a new survey, 57% of Americans . . . almost three out of five . . . say that being called a "geek" isn't an insult any more: It's a COMPLIMENT. --And for adults, 41% would rather be called a geek than a jock. 22% would rather be called a jock than a geek. But only 17% of Americans actually identify THEMSELVES as a geek. --Young people are the most likely to have a positive view of the word geek. 66% of people 18-to-34 say that geek is a compliment . . . while only 39% of people over 65 agree. (Modis)

Using Too Much Hand Sanitizer Can Make You Test Positive For Alcohol:

According to a new study, keeping your hands obsessively sanitized is like . . . GETTING DRUNK. --Researchers at the University of Florida found that people who use a lot of hand sanitizer can actually test positive for alcohol consumption in some tests . . . even if they haven't actually had any beer, wine, or liquor. --Hand sanitizer won't show up in a test that only checks your blood-alcohol level for the past few hours, like a breathalyzer or blood test. And it probably won't show up even if you sanitize your hands a few times a day. --But if you sanitize a LOT, and you take pee tests which can show alcohol consumption for up to five days . . . you might show a false positive. (Gainesville Sun)

Do You Really Need to Spend $56 on a 12-Pack of Luxury Condoms?

I'm happy that I don't know a single person who would spend $56 on a 12-pack of condoms. Just saying . . . that's more expensive than buying the morning-after pill. --But a company called Naked is selling these LUXURY CONDOMS, and they cost about five times as much as a box of Trojans. -There are some improvements over regular-priced condoms . . . although maybe not enough to justify the price difference . . .

--These use special latex that's even thinner and softer than "ultra-thin" regular condoms.
--Their lubricant is 10 times slicker than what's standard.
--Their packages are more secure . . . meaning they're easy to tear but protect the condom with six layers of foil.
--The package is designed to look slick, so you can keep it on the nightstand as a DECORATION.
--And finally, they come in three sizes: Standard, large, and extra-large.
(New York Post) (--Check out the Naked condoms website here.)

Does This Dove Body Wash Ad Suggest That Using It Will Turn Black Skin Into "Visibly More Beautiful" White Skin?

How did NO ONE catch this? None of Dove's executives, no one at their ad agency, no one from their PR firm, no one at the magazines where they ran this ad . . . no one. --Yesterday, a real Dove print ad was floating around that seemed to suggest that Dove VisibleCare body wash will take your black skin and turn it into "visibly more beautiful" white skin. --Here's why. There are three models in the ad. One is black, one is darker-skinned white, and one is very white. They're lined up in that order. --Behind the black model, there's an image of darker, blemished skin that says "before." --Behind the very white model, there's an image of lighter, repaired skin that says "after." The other model is in the middle. --Basically, it looks like the ad is showing a transition from being a black woman with bad skin into a white woman with great skin. --This ad has been running in magazines and online.--Yesterday, Dove's PR firm, which is called Edelman, responded that we're reading into this too much . . . quote, "all three women are intended to demonstrate the 'after' product benefit." They don't have any plans right now to pull the ad. (Gawker) (--Here's a copy of the ad.)


A 75-Year-Old Is Arrested For Angrily Groping His Wife's Buttocks After She Won't "Let Him Party":

Other than the arrest, this guy is who I want to be when I grow up. --Last week, 75-year-old Kenneth Lundy of Pace, Florida was at home, drinking and pumping his music into the early hours of the morning. Eventually his wife, whose name and age weren't released, got sick of it. --They got into a huge argument, he aggressively GROPED his wife's buttocks . . . and she called the police. --When they got there, Kenneth admitted to the groping but said, quote, "I don't know what her problem is, she won't let me party." The cop told him it was 2:00 A.M. Kenneth responded, quote, "Yeah, party time." --He was arrested and charged with battery. (Northwest Florida Daily News)

A Burglar Breaks Into a House, Drinks the Family's Beer, Then Steals Paint:

I guess I have a thing for strange, strange crimes like this one out of Lincoln, Nebraska. --On Friday night, a burglar broke into a house that was empty because it's under construction. And his first agenda was to relax. He ended up hanging out on the couch and drinking FOUR bottles of Stella Artois beer out of the fridge. --Then his second agenda was the robbery. He stole a TV and a few cans of PAINT. The police say they don't have any suspects. (Lincoln Journal Star)

A Man Is Arrested For Shoplifting . . . And Taking Text Message Orders From People Telling Him What to Steal:

Last Friday, police in Louisville, Kentucky caught 36-year-old Sean A. Harrington shoplifting shoes from a store called Rack Room Shoes. He jammed several pairs of shoes down the front of his pants and walked out. --After he was caught, security at Rack Room reviewed old security tapes and found that Sean had been there stealing shoes several times in the past month. --The police checked his cell phone logs and found something interesting . . . there were several text messages that matched up with his trips to the store. --Turned out Sean would actually take text message orders from people, telling him what shoes to steal, and he'd steal the shoes for them. --He was charged with receipt of stolen property and theft by unlawful taking. --He was also banned for life from Rack Room. (FOX 41 - Louisville)

A Woman's Court Hearing For Fraud Is Delayed . . . Because She's Too Chubby to Fit Through the Door:

I think we're going to see more and more situations like this going forward . . . and for all us chubby chasers, it's truly a wonderful thing. --In London, England, 43-year-old Beverley Douglas was due in court to face a fraud charge for illegally collecting benefits. But her hearing had to be delayed . . . because she was TOO CHUBBY to fit through the door. Her exact weight wasn't released. -Her hearing was at an old-fashioned courthouse that had fairly narrow doors. It's been rescheduled for July 7th at a more modern courthouse with wider doors. (London Sun) (--Here's a photo of Beverley. YOU'RE WELCOME.)

A Woman Stabs Her Boyfriend For Watching a Naked Woman Hanging Around In a Men's Bathroom:

I feel like we're missing a few KEY details from this story . . . so let your imaginations run wild. Because we sure are. --On Saturday, 46-year-old Mary Martin of Immokalee, Florida, and her boyfriend, whose name and age weren't released, were out together. Word leaked out that there was a NAKED WOMAN hanging out in a men's bathroom nearby. --Mary's boyfriend joined the crowd in the bathroom to watch. And he watched. And watched. And watched. No, we don't know where the bathroom was or why the woman was naked. --Finally, when he got back to Mary . . . she STABBED HIM for spending too much time looking at the woman. He was hospitalized but will recover . . . and she was arrested for aggravated battery. (Naples Daily News) (--Here's her mugshot.)
A Woman Broke Out of Jail in Maryland by Kicking Through a Wall:

If you skimp on quality materials when you're building a jail, it's only a matter of time before an inmate kicks through a wall. Either that, or this woman has THICK, POWERFUL THIGHS that I stay up dreaming about. --On Thursday, 31-year-old Alisa Shafer of Friendsville, Maryland was locked up in a holding cell at the Garrett County Detention Center, after being arrested for second-degree assault. --And when she went to the bathroom, she was able to escape from the jail . . . by kicking down a wall. --Turns out when the jail was built, the bathroom walls were made out of only half-inch thick drywall. So while a guard waited for Alisa outside of the door, she kicked through to the other side, right into the jail lobby. --And she was able to outsmart everyone there and escape because she'd turned her black-and-white striped jail outfit inside-out. --Police tracked her down later that night and re-arrested her. (Cumberland Times-News)

NASA Announces STS-134 Wakeup Song Winners

NASA has announced the winners of its Original Song Contest. The songs will awaken the STS-134 astronauts aboard space shuttle Endeavour during their ongoing mission. “Sunrise Number 1” by Jorge Otero and the band Stormy Mondays from Oviedo, Spain, earned first place. Shuttle Commander Mark Kelly, Pilot Greg H. Johnson, Mission Specialists Mike Fincke, Drew Feustel, Greg Chamitoff and Roberto Vittori of the European Space Agency will hear the song at 5:56 p.m. [ET] on Tuesday, May 31st – the day before the crew returns to Earth. “Sunrise Number 1” received 787,725 votes, or 49.8% of the total ballots. “Dreams You Give” by Brian Plunkett from Halfway, Missouri, earned second place with 612,959 votes. It will wake up the crew on May 30th. The contest received 1,350 entries and NASA selected 10 songs as finalists. The public cast 1,581,531 votes for their favorite song. Visit https://songcontest.nasa.gov/voteOrigResult.aspx to listen to all of the songs. NASA also released the final tally of submissions to the Space Shuttle Program’s “Face in Space” campaign for the STS-134 mission. Participants submitted 128,940 photos for uplink to Endeavour via the Mission Control Center at NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston. The images will return to Earth through a data transmission, and contributors will be able to print certificates verifying their photos flew aboard Endeavour. More than 7,550 other photos already have been submitted to fly aboard the last shuttle mission, targeted to launch July 8th. Submissions will be accepted through liftoff date. To take part in the STS-135 Face in Space campaign, visit https://faceinspace.nasa.gov.

Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

More U.S. companies are allowing WORKERS to decide how many vacation days they get. And if you meet your goals, you can take all the time you want? (Full Story)

Would you sacrifice some pay to work for a more ethical company? Nine out of ten business school grads say . . . yes they would. (Full Story)

Four in ten people say they don't plan to retire until after age 70 . . . or that they won't retire at ALL. (Full Story)

Obesity is contagious! According to a new study in the "American Journal of Public Health", people tend to mimic the speed that other people eat, and the amount of food they eat. They also share environments and carry out activities together that may contribute to weight gain. (Full Story)

Having trouble picking a name for your kid? The Social Security Administration has developed an iPhone app called "Baby Name Playroom" that goes through the most popular baby names over the past 130 years, and makes suggestions. (Full Story)


#1.) A Guy Got Pulled Over, Attacked a Cop, Withstood a Tasering, Stole the Cop Car . . . Then Crashed It Into a Truck:

A 38-year-old man in Summerville, South Carolina named Arthur Lee Thompson Jr. tried to steal a computer from Wal-Mart on Friday the 13th, and punched the employee who tried to stop him. But that's just the beginning. --Then he got pulled over, withstood being TASERED, attacked the cop who tasered him, stole his cop car . . . then crashed it into a flatbed truck that was carrying a tractor. --The story itself is amazing, but what's even better is the cop's dash cam caught the tasering and the crash on camera. (--Search WLTX.com for "Suspect Steals Police Car, Crashes Into Truck." He gets tasered at :22, steals the car at 1:03, and crashes it at 2:24.)

#2.) A Reporter Stopped in the Middle of a Report and Said, "I'm Stupid":

A local reporter in Connecticut named Erica Grow is a trained meteorologist. But for some reason, her station had her reporting on a story from a local school. --And she stopped in the middle of her report because she forgot what she was saying. Then blurted out, quote, "It's a lot to remember . . . because I'm stupid." (--Search EbaumsWorld.com for "Reporter Screws Up: I'm Stupid.")
#3.) A Weather Channel Reporter Choked Up While Reporting on the Joplin, Missouri Tornado:

A Weather Channel reporter named Mike Bettes couldn't hold it together when he reported on the damage caused by the Joplin, Missouri tornado on Sunday. He got choked up and actually had to walk away from the camera for about 10 seconds.(--Search Medialite.com for "Mike Bettes Overcome With Emotion." He starts getting choked up at :24.)

#4.) Three Videos of the Joplin, Missouri Tornado: One From a Storm Chaser, One From Someone Inside the Tornado, and One of the Aftermath:

The National Weather Service says the tornado that hit Joplin, Missouri on Sunday was an EF-4 . . . one rating down from the most severe. It damaged about a third of the city, and killed at least 116 people. --Several people got footage of the tornado. There's one video shot by a storm chaser, and there's another video from someone who was huddled with about 20 other people in the back of a convenience store, when the tornado blew out the windows. --And there's a third video that shows the aftermath on Monday. (--Search for "CBS ST. Louis Video of the Joplin Twister." In the second video, the windows get blown out at 2:13 and it gets REALLY windy at 3:03.) (--WARNING: The second video sounds like it includes one or two F-bombs in the background.)

Six Crazy Things Celebrities Have Insured:

If you think YOUR insurance premiums are crazy, check out the insane things CELEBRITIES insure. First and foremost, they love insuring their legs. Back in the day, Fred Astaire insured his for $150,000. --More recently, Rihanna and Jamie Lee Curtis insured theirs for a million dollars . . . David Beckham insured his for $70 MILLION . . . and Mariah Carey reportedly insured her legs for a BILLION dollars. Here are six more crazy things celebrities have insured.

#1.) Their Boobs. Dolly Parton once insured her two most-important assets for $300,000 each. But honestly, they're probably worth a lot less now.

#2.) Their Tongues. Gene Simmons insured his tongue for $1 million. And food critic Egon Ronay insured his for $400,000.

#3.) Their Fingers. Keith Richards insured the middle finger on his left hand for $1.6 million. (--We'll ASSUME it's because he needs it to play guitar.) (???)

#4.) Their Voices. Bruce Springsteen and Rod Stewart have both insured their voices for $6 million.

#5.) Their Hair. Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu is a spokesman for Head and Shoulders, so Proctor and Gamble insured his hair for $1 million. And at one point, Tom Jones supposedly insured his CHEST HAIR for $7 million.

#6.) Their Smiles. When America Ferrera was a spokesperson for Aqua Fresh, they insured her smile for $10 million. (BettyConfidential.com)


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