Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Check Out 16-Year-Old Courtney Stodden's Marriage Certificate:

COURTNEY STODDEN . . . the 16-year-old "singer" who married 51-year-old "Lost" and "Green Mile" actor DOUG HUTCHISON . . . really IS 16. At least that's what her marriage certificate says. (--You can check it out here.) --You'll notice that there's no space on the certificate itself for parental consent . . . but consent WAS required, since Courtney is underage. But as we heard yesterday, both her parents approve of the marriage. --And Courtney's mom is listed as a witness. --Meanwhile . . . there's a video on YouTube that should settle any arguments about Courtney being 16 once and for all. --It's a video she posted this past December, responding to her many critics and haters. And unfortunately, I think it'll do nothing but earn her even MORE critics and haters. --The phrase "not the sharpest tool in the shed" comes to mind. (--Check it out here. WARNING!!! At about the 1:50 mark, Courtney uses that word for breasts that rhymes with BITS.)

"Juno" Director Jason Reitman Is Getting an Interracial Divorce:

The taboo interracial marriage of "Juno" director JASON REITMAN and his sexy Asian wife, writer Michelle Lee, is over. There's no word on the cause of the breakup. --Jason and Michelle have been married since 2004, and they have a 5-year-old daughter. (--Here's a picture of Jason and Michelle in happier times.) (TMZ)

The Guy Ryan Dunn Killed Was a Newlywed and an Iraq War Vet . . . And Police Say They Were Doing 130 Miles Per Hour:

The other man who was killed in the crash that took the life of "Jackass" star RYAN DUNN has been identified. His name was Zachary Hartwell, and he was a veteran of three tours of duty in Iraq. --One showbiz website even claims he was a Navy SEAL. (--He survived Iraq . . . three times . . . but he could NOT survive "Jackass". Sad.) --He was also a newlywed. He got married last October . . . and Ryan Dunn's girlfriend was a bridesmaid. Now, potentially because of alcohol and stupidity, both ladies are alone. --Zachary was one of the guys at the bar with Ryan in the hours before the crash. A so-called "source" says they were celebrating, quote, "winning some kind of deal together." Ryan was driving Zachary home when they crashed. --We still don't know if alcohol played a part in the crash. Toxicology test results won't be back for four to six weeks. But police now say Ryan's Porsche was doing 130 MILES PER HOUR when it crashed.
--The local police chief said he's, quote, "never seen a car destroyed in an automobile accident the way this car was . . . even before it caught on fire." --Meanwhile, the coroner's report says both men were killed by blunt force trauma from the crash itself, plus burn injuries from the ensuing fire. Apparently, it was impossible to determine if one or the other was the immediate cause of death, so the coroner just listed both.

Roger Ebert Backtracks and Says He Was "Too Quick to Tweet":

ROGER EBERT has offered a semi-apology for tweeting "Friends don't let Jackasses drink and drive," after RYAN DUNN'S fatal accident. He now says he TWEETED TOO SOON. -Here are his exact words . . . quote, "To begin with, I offer my sympathy to Ryan Dunn's family and friends, and to those of Zachary Hartwell, who also died in the crash. I mean that sincerely. It is tragic to lose a loved one." --"I also regret that my tweet about the event was considered cruel. It was not intended as cruel. It was intended as true. I have no way of knowing if Ryan Dunn was drunk at the time of his death. --"I don't know what happened in this case, and I was probably too quick to tweet. That was unseemly." --But he still defends his message . . . quote, "I do know that nobody has any business driving on a public highway at 110 mph, as some estimated . . . --"Or fast enough, anyway, to leave a highway and fly through 40 yards of trees before crashing. --"That is especially true if the driver has had three shots and three beers. Two people were killed. What if the car had crashed into another car?" (--In case you forgot, here's a screen shot of the angry message BAM MARGERA Tweeted in response to Ebert's initial Tweets.) --In addition to Ryan Dunn's friends and supporters . . . Ebert apparently also offended someone at Facebook. --Because after some people complained about Ebert, his Facebook page was SUSPENDED. But it was reinstated after an hour, and Facebook claimed it was just a mistake. --Before the "error" was corrected, Ebert Tweeted, quote, "Facebook has removed my page in response, apparently, to malicious complaints from one or two jerks. --"Facebook! My page is harmless and an asset to you. Why did you remove it in response to anonymous jerks? Makes you look bad."

Bam Margera Visited the Crash Site Yesterday . . . And Cried:

BAM MARGERA was in Arizona Monday when he heard that his good friend and "Jackass" co-star RYAN DUNN had been killed. But he returned to Pennsylvania to visit the crash site yesterday. And he was NOT in good shape. --He spoke with Philadelphia's Fox affiliate . . . and cried the whole time. He said, quote, "I've never lost anybody that I care about . . . he's my best friend." --Bam also seems to suggest he had some kind of psychic episode at the exact moment of Ryan's crash, even though he was all the way across the country. --He said, quote, "At 12:30 I just started punching out the windows of the rental van and ripping out the speakers, and I don't even know why. I wasn't mad at anything or anybody. --"And if it's 12:30 there, that means that it was exactly when he crashed." --Bam added, quote, "He was the happiest person ever, the smartest guy. He had so much talent, and he had so many things going for him. This is not right." --Asked how he's going to get over Ryan's death, Bam said, quote, "I can't. I can't." (--Here's the news report . . . in which they also mention that people are actually stealing wreckage from the crash site . . . and some of them have even admitted they're going to sell it on eBay.) (Video)

Tracy Morgan Went to Nashville to Apologize for His Homophobic Rant:

TRACY MORGAN'S Apology Tour took him back to the scene of the crime yesterday. Tracy was back in Nashville, Tennessee . . . where his homophobic rant during a standup routine on June 3rd set this whole thing off. --Tracy met with members of the local gay community . . . including Kevin Rogers, the audience member whose Facebook post about Tracy's routine ignited a national controversy. --At a press conference after the meeting, Tracy said, quote, "First thing I want to say is I apologize to Kevin and to people who were at the show for bumming them out. I want to apologize to my friends, and my family and my fans. --"I don't have a hateful bone in my body. I don't believe that anyone should be bullied or just made to feel bad about who they are . . . I really don't care who you love, same sex or not, as long as you have the ability to love." --He added, quote, "So now, at this point in my life, is an opportunity to make a difference. I don't see gay or straight, I just see human beings . . . From the bottom of my heart, I apologize." (--Here's video.)

Did Steven Spielberg Really Boot Megan Fox from the "Transformers" Movies for Comparing Director Michael Bay to Hitler?

It seems like so long ago that MEGAN FOX compared her "Transformers" director MICHAEL BAY to Adolf Hitler. It should be old news. But it's not. --Because in the new issue of "GQ" magazine, Bay reveals that it was that comment that got Megan FIRED from the franchise and replaced by ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY for the upcoming, third installment. --And the ironic thing is, Bay wasn't even bothered by it. It was producer STEVEN SPIELBERG who gave her the boot. --Bay says that after Megan made the comparison, Spielberg told him, quote, "Fire her right now." --But here's Bay's take . . . quote, "I wasn't hurt, because I know that's just Megan. Megan loves to get a response. And she does it in the wrong way . . . When you're days and months on a set, it's like a family. You say rude things and you make up." --To be fair, there was a little more that led up to Megan's firing. Bay says, quote, "[She was just in] a different world, on her BlackBerry . . . You gotta stay focused." --And screenwriter Ehren Kruger adds, quote, "She was there for rehearsals. But she seemed like an actress who didn't want to be a part of it. She was saying she wanted to, but she wasn't acting like it." (--Megan isn't box office poison yet. She's just been added to the cast of SACHA BARON COHEN'S upcoming comedy "The Dictator". It's due out next May.)

Lindsay Lohan Made Tens of Thousands of Dollars . . . While Under House Arrest:

The wheels of the U.S. Justice System continue to mercilessly grind LINDSAY LOHAN beneath their weight. --While serving hard time in the comfort of her own home, Lindsay was able to make TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS by shooting an 18-second commercial for an auction website called --Sources say Lindsay was approached with an offer of $25,000, but she turned it down. They eventually got her on board, but we don't know how much it took. However, we hear she was also given a $10,000 credit at the site. --All Lindsay had to do was sit on a couch and say this . . . quote, "Hey to all my friends, I just want to share with you that during some of my time at home, I found this amazing site with great deals. --"It's called Be sure to check it out." --We should probably note that while the ad is 18 seconds, Lindsay takes a mere EIGHT seconds to deliver her speech. --And she earned more than $35,000 for it. While under incarceration by the state of California. And there's nothing illegal about it. (--Here's the ad.)

Does Martha Stewart Sell Exploding Tables?

If you have a MARTHA STEWART glass-top patio table, you might want to practice your DUCK AND COVER techniques before your next barbecue. Because there's a chance it could EXPLODE on you. --That happened on Father's Day to the Passarella family near Denver, Colorado. They'd just finished eating when the tabletop shattered. --Nancy Passarella says, quote, "It was like, Boom! It just blew up . . . no reason. All of the sudden we heard this loud explosion, and the table proceeds to disintegrate." --This isn't an isolated incident, either. Apparently, there have been hundreds of complaints about this same table, and there was even a class-action lawsuit years ago. --The Consumer Product Safety Commission asked Martha Stewart Living to redesign the table in 2006. The Passarellas say they bought theirs at Kmart in 2008 or 2009. --A rep for Martha's company says it's Kmart's responsibility to fix the problem. They also issued a statement saying, quote, "We do not oversee the mechanical design, engineering or manufacturing of the products." (--Here's a news report on Martha's EXPLODING TABLES.)

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Want to Release "Tasteful" Photos of Their Twins:

MARIAH CAREY and NICK CANNON want to do a photo shoot to introduce the world to their twins, Moroccan and Monroe. But they're not just chasing the big money. They want someone who's going to be respectful. --A source says, quote, "Mariah and Nick are more concerned with doing the right thing than going to the highest bidder. They're talking to a number of publications about doing it in the best and most tasteful way. --"Nick has said on radio he doesn't feel entirely comfortable selling pictures of his children. But the first picture remains very valuable to the paparazzi."

Bristol Palin Doesn't Trust Meghan McCain:

LEVI JOHNSTON isn't the only person BRISTOL PALIN rips in her new book. She also takes a shot at MEGHAN MCCAIN. --Apparently, when their parents were running mates in the 2008 presidential election, Bristol got an unfriendly vibe from Meghan. --And it started from the moment they met. She writes, quote, "Meghan] ignored us during the entire visit. [I] had a sneaking suspicion I might need to watch my back. --"Every time we saw Meghan, she seemed to be constantly checking us out, comparing my family to hers and complaining." --In response, Meghan Tweeted a link to a YouTube video she posted back when her dad, JOHN MCCAIN, first announced that Bristol's mom, SARAH PALIN, was going to be his running mate. --The video is basically a two-minute love letter to Sarah Palin, and it includes two wrap-around scenes where she's talking to the camera, while sitting with her arm around Bristol's little sister Piper. (--Check it out here.) -Meghan didn't comment beyond that. (--Enjoy side-by-side photos of Bristol and Meghan here.)

Adam West Is Getting a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame Next Year!!! So Are Jennifer Aniston, Kate Winslet, Scarlett Johansson and, Believe it Or Not, Vin Diesel:

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce has released the list of celebrities who'll get stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame next year. --Technically, the Class of 2012 is led by JENNIFER ANISTON. But as far as I'm concerned, next year is the Year of the Bat . . . because THE ONE TRUE BATMAN, ADAM WEST, is getting a star as well. (--If you don't understand why Adam West deserves only the very highest of acting honors, check out this CLASSIC clip from the 1966 "Batman" movie. It's the world-famous "Some Days You Can't Get Rid of a Bomb" scene!)

--The rest of next year's list includes . . .

--Kate Winslet

--Scarlett Johansson

--Vin Diesel (???)

--"Clockwork Orange" star Malcolm McDowell

--Valerie Bertinelli

--"Simpsons" creator Matt Groenig

--Mariska Hargitay

--Patricia Heaton

--Marg Helgenberger

--Walter Koenig . . . a.k.a. Mr. Chekov from "Star Trek"

--Jennifer Lopez


--Boyz II Men

--Vince Gill

--Ann and Nancy Wilson from Heart

--There will also be two posthumous presentations: For Richard Burton and Barry White.

(--All you need is for someone to nominate you . . . and for someone to pay a $25,000 fee. Oh, and you also have to promise to be there for the unveiling ceremony.)

Check Out the Rejection Letter Mr. Rogers Sent to a Kid Who Wanted to Come Visit His House:

A little over 20 years ago, some 6-year-old kid sent a letter to MR. ROGERS, asking if he could come visit him at his house. --Mr. Rogers couldn't let him do that . . . I'm guessing for security reasons (???) . . . so he sent the kid the sweetest, kindest rejection letter ever. --He let the kid down really easy, then said, quote, "Even though we can't have a real visit, it is good that we can have television visits and a letter visit like this one. --"You might want to pretend about a visit we'd have together. When you pretend, things can be any way you want them to be." (--You can read the whole thing here. It's sweet and perfect and awesome. ) (

Will Dallas Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban Buy the Los Angeles Dodgers?

Dallas Mavericks owner MARK CUBAN finally got his NBA Championship. Could he add a World Series trophy to his resume, too? --As you may have heard, the Los Angeles Dodgers are in such financial trouble right now, they're on the verge of being taken over by Major League Baseball. --But Cuban says that under the right circumstances, he'd buy the team. He says, quote, "If it looks good, I am always open to any good business deal. If the deal is right and [the Dodgers] are fixable, then yeah, I am very interested." --According to Fox Sports, however, most baseball insiders think Cuban has very little chance of being approved as a team owner.

Bruce Springsteen Delivered the Eulogy at Clarence Clemons' Memorial:

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN delivered the eulogy at CLARENCE CLEMONS' memorial ceremony in Palm Beach, Florida, yesterday. Clarence was the saxophonist in The Boss' E STREET BAND. --Bruce said, quote, "Clarence was a man of unconditional love, but his love came with a lot of conditions. He was a complex guy . . . an ongoing project. But when you were in his presence, it was like being in a sovereign nation." --Bruce also performed a solo version of "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out", the song he wrote about first meeting Clarence in Asbury Park over 40 years ago. --The E Street Band also performed at the ceremony, as did JACKSON BROWNE. Miami Heat president PAT RILEY was also there, but of course he didn't perform. (--Kind of like the Heat in the NBA Finals.) --Clarence's widow Victoria and three of his four ex-wives were among the mourners. --Victoria said that Clarence had asked her to scatter his ashes at a special spot in Hawaii and to do so with "all of the special women in his life" . . . including his previous wives. And she said she would do it. (--There isn't any video from the memorial . . . obviously . . . but you can pay tribute to Clarence by jamming to "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out", here.)

Jeff Conaway's Memorial Went Down Yesterday:

JEFF CONAWAY'S memorial was held yesterday in Encino, California. --It was hosted by his former fiancée Vikki Lizzi . . . and THE TEMPTATIONS performed. They did "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye" . . . as well as a special song they wrote for him called "I'll Miss You Buddy". -Apparently, Jeff was a DIEHARD fan of the Temptations, and they became close friends after meeting backstage at some awards show. --COREY FELDMAN delivered the eulogy. He said, quote, "There wasn't a dry eye in the house." Other "celebrity" guests included porno stars RON JEREMY and MARY CAREY and Jeff's "Taxi" co-star CHRISTOPHER LLOYD. --According to, "Guests signed purple balloons, Jeff's favorite color, and released them to go up in the sky." (--Here's video of Corey delivering the eulogy.)
AMC Theaters Are Doing a Four-Night "Harry Potter" Marathon Leading Up to the Release of the Final Film:

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2" hits theaters on Friday, July 15th. But if you have an AMC Theatre chain in your town, you might have a chance to seriously geek out in the days before the release. --35 AMC theaters around the country are doing a FOUR-NIGHT "HARRY POTTER" MARATHON . . . with two movies back-to-back, in order, each night. --"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" and "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" kick things off on Monday, July 11th. --On Tuesday the 12th, it's "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". --On Wednesday the 13th, they're showing "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" and "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince". --Then on Thursday the 14th, it's "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1" . . . which starts at 9:00 P.M. Right after that, at 12:01 A.M. on Friday the 15th, is the long-awaited "Deathly Hallows, Part 2". --Tickets for the whole shebang cost $45 . . . which is less than you'd pay to see eight movies individually. (--You can see a list of participating theaters here. Unfortunately for a lot of people, they're all in big cities.)

Check Out the Trailer for the New "Footloose":

The "Footloose" remake hits theaters on October 14th. --It stars JULIANNE HOUGH from "Dancing With the Stars", DENNIS QUAID as her strict, dance-hating dad and some kid named KENNY WORMALD as Ren, the character IMMORTALIZED by KEVIN BACON in the 1984 original. --It also includes, for some reason, an exploding school bus. (--Was there an exploding school bus in the original? I don't remember one. Hey, Hollywood . . . LEAVE OUR CLASSICS ALONE!) (--Anyway, here's the trailer.)

Here's the "Puss In Boots" Trailer:

The "Shrek" spin-off "Puss In Boots" hits theaters November 4th. ANTONIO BANDERAS provides the voice of the title character, as usual. He's joined by SALMA HAYEK as Kitty Softpaws. (???) (--Here's the trailer.)

Jake Gyllenhaal Will Guest Star on "Man Vs. Wild":

JAKE GYLLENHAAL will guest star on the July 11th episode of the Discovery Channel show "Man Vs. Wild". --Jake accompanied the show's star BEAR GRYLLS on a trip to Iceland . . . and according to the press release he had to hold his own. ---He was asked to "go where Bear goes, eat whatever Bear eats, and on occasion even take the lead, if he's going to cope with some of the worst conditions known to man." Jake said, quote, "For me, it's all about discovery."

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo's Wedding Will Be on TV:

If you couldn't get enough of NICK LACHEY and JESSICA SIMPSON'S televised relationship insanity . . . and are still salivating for more . . . there's good news: We're getting a sequel! --TLC is televising Nick's upcoming wedding to VANESSA MINNILLO . . . and the special promises to feature, quote, "VIP access" to the ceremony! There's no airdate yet, but the special has been tentatively titled "Nick & Vanessa's Dream Wedding". (--It's unclear if that's "tentative" because it may not end up being their "dream wedding" . . . or because TLC is still hoping to come up with something more creative.)

Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"The Voice" [Results Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--The final four singers are announced.)

--"So You Think You Can Dance" [Performance] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"Kathy Griffin: Gurrl Down!" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bravo. (--Kathy Griffin performs stand-up in Boston's Wilbur Theatre.)

--"I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TLC.

--"Hot in Cleveland" . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land. (--Jane Leeves character receives a surprise visit from the son she gave up for adoption.)

--"America's Got Talent" [Auditions] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.

--"Nightline Prime: Beyond Belief" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--A five part series on spirituality and ESP begins with an examination of extrasensory links between identical twins.)

--"The Real World/Road Rules Challenge" [21st Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on MTV.

--"Cee-Lo Green: Talking to Strangers" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Fuse. (--Lupe Fiasco performs and is interviewed by Cee-Lo Green.)

Amy Winehouse Has Canceled the Rest of Her European Tour . . . So Apparently, She *Is* Still Messed Up:

AMY WINEHOUSE totally bombed at a concert in Serbia on Saturday . . . and now she's decided to cancel the rest of her 12-date European tour. --The gig in Serbia was the first date of the tour. She previously canceled Monday's show in Turkey and tonight's scheduled concert in Greece . . . but now the whole thing is out the window. --Amy's camp isn't saying much, but clearly something is wrong with her . . . and judging from her history, it's probably alcohol- and / or drug-related. A month ago, she went to rehab . . . for a WEEK . . . before checking herself out. --Her rep merely said, quote, "Everyone involved wishes to do everything they can to help her return to her best and she will be given as long as it takes for this to happen." And from what I can tell, she's already taken over three YEARS to do that.

Adele Has Given Up Smoking As Part of Her Recovery:

Earlier this month, ADELE came down with laryngitis and was forced to cancel her tour. Well, she's in the process of recovering . . . and as part of that she's decided to quit smoking. (--Yeah, she was a smoker. Here's a pic.) --In an update on her site, she wrote, quote, "I can't wait to be able to sing again, I'm bored stiff . . . I'm on the mend, I still need to take it easy and rest but things are looking up . . . I've given up smoking again!" (--You can read the full post, here.)

Video of Britney Spears Giving a Fan a Lap Dance Onstage:

BRITNEY SPEARS gave a surprised male fan a sexy LAP DANCE onstage in San Jose, California over the weekend. It happened during her performance of "Lace and Leather". (--Here's video.) --Maybe this is something Britney learned from her opening act, NICKI MINAJ . . . who previously gave onstage lap dances to LIL WAYNE and Phoenix Suns point guard STEVE NASH.

Check Out a New Radiohead Song Called "Staircase":

A new RADIOHEAD song called "Staircase" has hit the Internet. Supposedly, it was intended for their most recent album, "The King of Limbs", but it didn't end up making the cut. --Instead, it'll premiere on a TV special called "The King of Limbs: Live From the Basement", which will air on British TV next Wednesday. The special will feature the band performing "The King of Limbs" live. (--Here's the clip of "Staircase".)

Rise Against Have Put Out an Anti-Homophobia Video:

RISE AGAINST have put out their video for "Make It Stop (September's Children)", a song that was inspired by all the teen suicides in the face of homophobic bullying. And naturally, the video takes on bullying as well. (--Watch it, here.) (--And here's a video of singer Tim McIlrath talking about why he wrote it.)

Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

TOM HANKS HI-lariously hammed it up during a Spanish-language weather report on Univision. (Video)

JULIA ROBERTS is reportedly feuding with her half-sister . . . because her weight has ballooned to more than 300 pounds. (Full Story)

Okay, so OLIVIA WILDE doesn't ALWAYS look perfect. (Photos)

Does JUSTIN BIEBER burn his underwear when he's done with it . . . so fans can't get their hands on it? (Full Story)

Saturday is the two-year anniversary of MICHAEL JACKSON'S death. Check out a motorcycle covered with images of Michael at different stages of his career. (Photos)

HBO is doing a show loosely based on MIKE TYSON'S early life in the ring. It's called "Da Brick". Tyson and SPIKE LEE are among those working on it behind the scenes. (Full Story)

During a gig in France the other night, BEYONCE did a medley of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody", Prince's "The Beautiful Ones" and Kings of Leon's "Sex On Fire". (Video)

TERRY O'QUINN will have a recurring role on "Hawaii Five-0" next season. Terry played John Locke on "Lost". DANIEL DAE KIM, who played Jin on "Lost", is a regular on "Hawaii Five-0". (Full Story)

CONAN O'BRIEN will have a cameo in an upcoming episode of "How I Met Your Mother". He won't be a guest star, he'll be an extra. He says, quote, "The producers were saying, 'We'll actually write you in as a character.' But I think it's much funnier if I'm just in the bar in the background." There's no airdate yet. (Full Story)

On "The View" yesterday, KIRSTIE ALLEY said she's lost 90 POUNDS. She explained, quote, "I lost 60 before [preparing for 'Dancing with the Stars'] and 30 during it." (Video) says ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER is already paying child support to MARIA SHRIVER, even though they haven't officially filed for divorce yet. There's no word on how much he's paying, just that it's a, quote, "significant amount." (Full Story)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER is currently in his birthplace of Austria, where he told his former countrymen that he really misses the music of Mozart and, quote, "A JUICY WIENER SCHNITZEL." (Full Story)


91% of Women Would Marry For Love Over Money . . . Unless the Guy was Unemployed:

In a new survey, 91% of women said that if it came down to it, they'd marry for LOVE over MONEY. But there's a catch. --If a guy is unemployed . . . yeah, then his money is an issue. --Because while nine out of 10 women would marry for love, you've gotta have at least SOME prospects. Three out of four women said that even if they loved an unemployed guy, they'd have trouble marrying him. --And 65% of women say that they'd feel uncomfortable getting married if THEY were unemployed. --The survey also found that 32% of women say they make more money than their partner. 41% say they wouldn't marry someone who makes, quote, "significantly less" money than them. --And 55% of women would give up their career to raise a family if their partner could fully support the family. --So to review: 91% of women would marry for love over money. Unless you're unemployed. Or you make a lot less than them. Or they want to quit their jobs to raise a family. It's almost as if that 91% didn't fully think out their answer. (

Only One in 25 People Think It's a Good Idea to Sing on a First Date:

I'm sad we even NEED to say this, because it SHOULD be obvious. But when you sing on a first date, there's a 24 out of 25 chance you're NOT going to end up with a second date. --In a new survey by the social dating website, only 4% of people . . . or one in 25 . . . say that singing on a first date is a good idea. That includes going to a karaoke bar . . . or just busting out some Jodeci in the car at the end of the night. --Here are some more results from the survey about what does and doesn't make for a good first date . . . -67% of people say the WORST conversation topic is to talk about an ex. Personal medical issues came in as the second worst topic . . . politics came in third . . . and religion was fourth. --81% of people say that the guy should pay on a first date. 1% say the woman should pay. The rest say it depends on the situation. --35% of women say it's cool to split the check, versus only 18% of men. --The average man says he's figured out if he really likes his date within 15 minutes. The average woman waits until the end of the date to make up her mind. --7% of men would make up an excuse to leave a bad date early, versus 15% of women. (PR Newswire)

If You Want People to Think You're Powerful . . . Be as Rude as Possible:

Well this sends a pretty horrible message. In a new study from the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands, researchers found that the best way to get people to respect you is . . . to act like an A-HOLE. --In the study, participants would watch videos of people acting rudely . . . like yelling at a waiter or blowing off their coworkers . . . and videos of people in the same situations acting politely and respectfully. --Afterward, in every case, the study participants perceived the rude people as MORE POWERFUL, decisive, strong, in control, and leader-like than the polite people. (Business Insider)

Americans Buy 700% More Fireworks Now Than in 1976 . . . And Have 90% Fewer Fireworks-Related Injuries:

Here are some great stats on fireworks in America. So rattle them off to impress your friends when you're driving across state lines to stock up on the Fourth of July. --Americans are using 700% more fireworks than they were in 1976. --We spend nearly $1 BILLION on them every year. --But even though fireworks are seven times more popular now than 35 years ago . . . injuries from fireworks are down 90%. --It's hard to say WHY injuries are down so much . . . but basically it's a mix of people getting smarter about fireworks, and the technology getting better so they're less likely to accidentally blow up in your hand. --In 2009, only one person died from a fireworks accident in the U.S. . . . and he was a 26-year-old who lit a "consumer grade mortar shell" in a launching tube he was holding over his head. --For comparison's sake, in the same year, two people died when they were crushed by vending machines they were trying to tip over. (Boston Herald)

Drivers Are More Likely to Get Skin Cancer on the Left Side of Their Body:

If you're driving to work right now, listen up: You might have a safe car, drive defensively, and always wear your seat belt, but scientists would like you to know that your car is STILL trying to kill you . . . --Researchers at the University of Washington in Seattle found that Americans get the worst types of skin cancer on the left side of their body. And the upper left arm is one of the most common spots. --It's because your left arm is the one you rest on your open window you're driving on a nice day. And leaving it there to bake in the hot sun raises your cancer risk. --When they looked at drivers in Australia . . . where the steering wheel is on the OTHER side of the car . . . the researchers found that cancer was more likely to occur on the RIGHT arm. --The good news is that the glass used in your car windows blocks UV rays. So if you leave your window up and blast the A/C, you're less likely to get cancer. (AOL)


Follow-Up: The Woman Who Stole a Mink Coat By Jamming It In Her Underwear Has Pleaded Guilty:

I've been in love with this woman ever since I first heard about her back in January. And I know she probably can't hear me right now . . . but once she gets out of jail, I want her to know I'll still be waiting for her. --Back on New Year's Eve, 46-year-old Stephanie Moreland of Bloomington, Minnesota went to a shop called the Alaskan Fur Company and stole a short mink fur coat. And she stole it by . . . shoving it into her underwear. --You see, Stephanie is a larger woman . . . in January, the police pegged her around 270 pounds . . . so the lump from the mink coat disappeared into her many, many delicious love rolls. --When the police tracked her down and questioned her three days later, she admitted she'd kept the coat IN HER UNDERWEAR for the entire three days to hide it. --We're talking about her now because Stephanie has pleaded guilty to one count of felony theft of property. The coat was valued at $6,500 . . . not sure what it's value is now. I guess it depends on how good of a dry cleaner it was sent to. --Stephanie will be sentenced on August 8th and could be looking at jail time. (CBS 4 - Minneapolis)

A Man Walks Into a Bank Claiming to Have Anthrax in His Backpack . . . But it Turns Out It Was Just Poop:

On Saturday morning, 55-year-old Steve Shapiro walked into a Chase bank branch in Lake Forest, California carrying a backpack. --And he announced he had ANTHRAX in the backpack, and threatened to release it. It's not clear whether it was part of a robbery attempt or not. --Staff at the bank immediately contacted the police, everyone panicked . . . and after Steve was subdued, the bomb squad had to be called in. --Fortunately he was full of crap . . . there was no anthrax in his backpack. Nope, the only thing in the backpack was . . . Steve's own feces. That's right: He'd moved his bowels into the bag before he went to the bank. --He was arrested for making false threats . . . and taken in for a mental evaluation. (OC Weekly)

A Woman Falls Asleep at the Wheel and Crashes Her Car Into . . . a Mattress Store:

This is straight out of a Wile E. Coyote cartoon right here. A woman fell asleep at the wheel on Monday in Jersey City, New Jersey. (--Her name hasn't been released.) And she crashed her car into . . . the soft, welcoming comfort of a MATTRESS STORE. --There's no word on how she's doing . . . but again, if cartoons have taught us anything she gently landed on a mattress and is totally fine. (Jersey Journal) (--Here's a photo of the outside of the mattress store after the crash.)

A Bride is Arrested a Few Hours After Her Wedding When She Dances With Another Man, and Bites Her Husband When They Argue About It:

Call me crazy, but I think these two kids are gonna make it. --On Saturday night, 30-year-old Bernadette Besario Catan-Keeler of Lighthouse Point, Florida got married. The groom's name wasn't released. --After the reception they kicked off their honeymoon right away, and headed to a nightclub in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. --At the club, Bernadette started drunkenly dancing with ANOTHER MAN. Her new husband had a bit of a problem with that, so they started arguing. --The argument escalated and Bernadette ended up ripping her new husband's shirt and BITING HIM. He called 911. --So, just a few hours after getting married, Bernadette was arrested for biting her new husband after he got mad at her for dancing with another guy. --She's been charged with domestic violence battery. (Orlando Sentinel)

Police are Searching For a Man Who Was Hiding at a Local Festival in a Porta-Potty . . . the *Bottom* of a Porta-Potty:

I can't believe there's a guy who has a TOILET FETISH that's SO raging it would lead him to this. --Over the weekend, the Hanuman Yoga Festival was being held at Boulder High School in Boulder, Colorado. And several Porta-Potties were set up for the occasion. --At one point, a woman used one . . . and noticed something was moving around inside the bottom of the Porta-Potty's receptacle tank. So she asked a friend to take a look, to see if he saw it too. --And he did. He saw a MAN hiding in the BOTTOM OF THE PORTA-POTTY. Yes . . . the bottom, where everyone's liquid and solid waste goes. All so he could look up at people doing their business. --Once the guy in the Porta-Potty realized he'd been caught, somehow he got out and took off. God bless a festival security supervisor who tried to DETAIN him, but according to the police, quote, "the suspect ran away, covered in feces." --The cops are still trying to track him down. (FOX 31 - Denver)

Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Photo of the Day: A giant soap bubble that looks like an enormous male appendage. Enjoy! (Photo)

In case you haven't heard, the Food and Drug Administration is going to put graphic warning labels on cigarettes starting in September. One of them shows a guy with a tracheotomy, and another shows a guy's rotting lips. (Full Story)

Can you charge someone with assault for sending you peanut butter when you're allergic? A woman in Michigan sent her ex-husband a letter . . . but didn't want his new wife to read it. So she smeared it with peanut butter, knowing the guy's new wife was allergic. Now the wife wants her charged with assault. (Full Story)

A couple in Washington State were the victims of identity theft, but at least they got an apology . . . when the thief sent them a rose and a note that said 'Thank You,' using their credit card. (Full Story)

According to 'The Archives of Dermatology', an America teenager recently faced a pretty weird dilemma: She got Botox to help cure her extra-sweaty palms, but it left her thumbs paralyzed so she couldn't text. OMG! (Full Story)

Friday Is Take Your Dog To Work Day

Pet Sitters International is encouraging businesses to open their doors to dogs Friday for Take Your Dog to Work Day. Beth Stultz, spokeswoman for the group, said the holiday began in 1999 and this year’s event is expected to include thousands of businesses across the country. “It was created as a way to give back to the pet community,” she said. Stultz said many groups also use the day to raise money for shelters and animal rescue agencies. It’s been proven that dogs increase worker productivity in the workplace. Philadelphia-based Petplan, a pet insurance provider, offers tips on how to bring your pet to work without problems.

•Set ground rules regarding pets in the office help to ensure that pets and people work together harmoniously.

•All pets should be current on their vaccinations and receive monthly flea and tick treatments.

•Pets should be socialized and well-behaved. Aggressive behavior is a no-no.

•It helps if the dog is potty-trained, for obvious reasons.

•Pets should be supervised to prevent your six-week project from turning into dinner or a dumping ground for Fido.


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