Monday, April 25, 2011


This Year's "25 Fittest Guys" Include The New Captain America, the New Superman, the New Captain Kirk, and the Werewolf from "True Blood":

"Men's Fitness" will drop its list of the 25 Fittest Guys on May 9th. But they released some of this year's honorees over the weekend. Here they are . . .

--Your new Captain America, Chris Evans

--Your new Superman, Henry Cavill

--"Twilight" stud Kellan Lutz

--"True Blood" werewolf Joe Manganiello

--Alex O'Loughlin from the new "Hawaii Five-0"

--Dr. Dre

--Jeremy Renner

--Your new Captain Kirk, Chris Pine

--Joel McHale

--Liam Neeson

--David Beckham

--Bradley Cooper

--Your new Conan the Barbarian, Jason Momoa (--He's also on that new HBO series, "Game of Thrones" as the barbarian leader Khal Drogo.)

--Michael Fassbender (--From "Band of Brothers", "Inglourious Basterds" and the upcoming "X-Men: First Class", in which he plays Magneto.) (--You can check out a photo gallery of all these guys here.)

The 30 Hottest Jewish Women Under 40:

This is kind of random, but a group of celebrity websites pooled their resources and came up with a list of the 30 Hottest Jewish Women Under 40. Here are the Top 10 . . .

#1.) Natalie Portman, 29

#2.) Alison Brie from "Mad Men", 26

#3.) Model Bar Refaeli, 25

#4.) Elizabeth Banks, 37

#5.) Scarlett Johansson, 26

#6.) Emmy Rossum, 24

#7.) Evan Rachel Wood, 23

#8.) Michelle Trachtenberg, 25

#9.) Lizzy Caplan, 28

#10.) "Glee's" Lea Michele, 24

(--You can check out the complete list here. The rest of the list includes "Glee's" Dianna Agron, Mila Kunis, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Elizabeth Berkley, and Sarah Silverman. They also have a nice selection of photos for each girl.)

Mr. Bean Was Invited to the Royal Wedding:

Do Americans REALLY care about the wedding of PRINCE WILLIAM and KATE MIDDLETON? --I mean, I can kind of understand the fascination with CHARLES and DIANA'S wedding back in 1981, because we had, like, six TV channels and no Internet. --But in 2011 people have so many other entertainment options, I have a hard time believing there's that much interest. At least not as much as the media would have you believe. --Heck, I'm willing to bet even the "Who Shot J.R.?" episode of "Dallas" would only attract 26 million viewers TOPS if that phenomena had occurred today. (--An estimated 83 MILLION tuned in to learn the identity of the shooter back in 1980. SPOILER ALERT if you're just now making your way through the DVDs: It was Kristen.) (???) --Anyway, the official Royal Wedding invite list was released the other day, and the celebrities on it include ELTON JOHN . . . DAVID and VICTORIA BECKHAM . . . --GUY RITCHIE . . . (--And you just KNOW Madonna's pissed she missed out) . . . singer JOSS STONE . . . --And ROWAN ATKINSON, a.k.a. MR. BEAN. That's right, Mr. Bean was invited to the Royal Wedding and you weren't. Drink that down.

The Royal Wedding Will Cost $34 Million . . . And $32 Million of That Is For Security:

The Royal Wedding is going to cost a whopping $34 MILLION . . . and $32 million of that is for SECURITY. --Thousands of cops will be stationed along the bridal procession route, and military personnel will be on hand to protect foreign royals and dignitaries. If you're a British taxpayer, you're on the hook for this. --Taxpayers will also foot a $64,000 bill for cleanup. A million people are expected to come out for the big day Friday. Somebody's going to have to pick up after them. --Here are some of the other major expenses that the little people of Britain DON'T have to worry about . . . --QUEEN ELIZABETH is hosting a luncheon for 600 people immediately following the wedding . . . and then PRINCE CHARLES is throwing the reception, which will be attended by 300 guests. The total cost for both parties is $600,000. --Charles is also shelling out $80,000 for cake. There are going to be TWO cakes: Traditional cream for Kate and white fruit cake for William. --Kate's wedding gown costs $434,000 . . . which her parents are reportedly paying for. --Kate's wedding ring is worth $11,000. Prince William sprang for that. Kate's already got a million-dollar engagement ring on her finger, but that didn't cost William anything. It was the ring worn by his mother, PRINCESS DIANA.

Lindsay Lohan Was Sentenced to 120 Days In Jail for Violating Her Probation:

Last week, we talked about the fact that LINDSAY LOHAN could be jailed for violating her DUI probation, even though she hasn't actually been convicted of stealing that necklace. And on Friday, that happened. --Lindsay was sentenced to 120 days behind bars and 480 hours of community service . . . while at the same time, her theft charge for allegedly stealing the necklace was downgraded from a felony to a misdemeanor. --In reducing the charge, Judge Stephanie Sautner explained that it's common procedure for nonviolent defendants, even in cases more serious than Lindsay's.--But it sounds like the judge DOES think Lindsay stole the necklace. She said, quote, "Would a person with any brains walk out with a necklace with [security] cameras on? --"Maybe it's brazenness, stupidity, I don't know what. Perhaps it was a desire to hide in plain sight. --"I see her intent [to steal] and I see a level of brazenness. It was like, 'Let me see what I can get away with.'" --She added, quote, "She thumbs her nose at the court. She walks into court with FU on her fingernails. I don't know what that's all about." --The misdemeanor charge still carries a possible one-year prison sentence. --Lindsay was booked at around 5:30 P.M., then out on $75,000 bail by 9:21 P.M. She'll be allowed to remain free while she appeals her jail time. The community service, however, is non-negotiable. --Judge Sautner ordered Lindsay to do most of those hours at the Downtown Women's Center so she can, quote, "see how truly needy women have to live and that might change her." --Meanwhile, her theft trial is set to begin on June 3rd. (--Lindsay dressed quite conservatively for Friday's hearing. Here are some pics.) (Gawker) --One last note on Lindsay and her messed up life: The GENIUSES making that JOHN GOTTI movie . . . who thought it would be a good idea to give Lindsay a part even though she was facing all this legal chaos . . . are remaining silent now. --A spokesman for the film says, quote, "We are declining to comment at this time." (--To be fair, the movie doesn't exactly depend on Lindsay. She wasn't cast in a pivotal role, and they probably won't have much trouble replacing her if need be.) (--So they weren't quite as dumb as those guys who tried to make her the star of that LINDA LOVELACE movie, and went around crowing about it for months, before finally having to drop her and find a new lead actress.)

Charlie Sheen Is Down One Goddess: Bree Olson Dumped Him Via Text Message:

CHARLIE SHEEN is down to one goddess. BREE OLSON . . . the porno star . . . dumped him. And she did it via TEXT. --Charlie made the announcement during his show in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on Saturday night. Someone in the audience asked him how he handled two women at once, and he said, quote, "Not well, because one left." --Interestingly enough, he didn't completely go off on her . . . and he actually wished her well. --That leaves 24-year-old NATALIE KENLY with nobody to make out with onstage. Their same-sex kisses were one of the few highlights of Charlie's shows. --On Friday night in Tampa, Charlie continued to lobby for his "Two and a Half Men" gig. He told the crowd, quote, "With your support, with a room full of love, we are going to get my job back." --Charlie was also flashed by a woman in the audience, and he said, quote, "You know you're at a Charlie Sheen show when it's Good Friday and there's nudity . . . It's Great Friday." (--By the way . . . Charlie has released his iPhone app, "MaSheen". It costs $2.99, and it features 17 short videos and a "fortune teller". But Charlie can also add to it as he sees fit . . . so it's got that going for it.) (--You can read more about it, and see a few screen caps, here.)

Check Out a Picture of Charlie Sheen Holding Up a Very Appropriate T-Shirt:

On Thursday night, CHARLIE SHEEN performed in Atlanta. Before the show, he worked out with the Georgia Tech baseball team. And while he was on campus, he was approached by members of the Pi Kappa Phi fraternity. -They gave Charlie one of their shirts . . . which he proudly held up for a picture. And the very appropriate message on the shirt was . . . "Sorry for Partying." (--Check out the picture here.) (TMZ)

Denise Richards Says She and Charlie Sheen Are Not in a Good Place:

The way CHARLIE SHEEN has been taking aim at her during his live shows, it's no surprise that DENISE RICHARDS doesn't think they're in a very good place right now. --She says, quote, "For me, it's very sad to see him on this path. I've heard he's chosen to use me in part of his tour [material], and that's hurtful. But that's his choice . . . He can do what he wants in his show." --She adds, quote, "We're not in the best place right now, to be honest with you. But I do still communicate with him." --As for Charlie's substance intake, Denise says, quote, "I don't know if he's sober or not." --And while she says she's had to accept his lifestyle . . . which until recently included him living with TWO women . . . that doesn't mean she has to subject their young daughters to it. --She says, quote, "There's things that I don't think are the most appropriate for two young, impressionable daughters." --Denise also confirms that she offered to help BROOKE MUELLER with the twins. She says, quote, "I wasn't asking for custody or anything like that. --"I put it out several times over the last couple of years that if they need help, I'm here. I would love the boys to stay and be with the girls."

Flavor Flav Is Getting Out of the Fried Chicken Business in Iowa . . . Because of Old Potato Salad?

FLAVOR FLAV is getting out of the fried chicken business in Iowa because of shady accounting practices and outdated potato salad. --I'm sure we all remember exactly where we were earlier this year when we heard of the opening of Flavor Flav's Chicken in Clinton, Iowa. Flav wasn't involved in the running of the place . . . they just paid him to use his name. --But he pulled out last week because he felt that the business was, quote, "not run right." --For starters, employee paychecks were bouncing. The owner chalked it up to a credit card glitch, but Flav's not buying it. --Then there's that potato salad. Flav says, quote, "Let me be straight up with you, I went up inside there on April 2 and I found potato salad that expired on February 28. --"And it's then when I realized I can't do business with this man and I really hope no one ate those potatoes." --But Flav isn't getting out of the food business altogether. He's opening a new joint called Flavor Flav's House of Flavor in Las Vegas on May 30th. --It'll be located at the Riviera Hotel and Casino, and it'll feature a restaurant and bar, Flavor Flav memorabilia for sale . . . and a recording studio and stage.

Harry Potter Biz - #1: Emma Watson Is Leaving Brown University for Good . . . But Not Because She Was Bullied:

"Harry Potter" minx EMMA WATSON recently took a break from Brown University to concentrate on her acting career . . . and there were rumors that she also left because the other kids were kind of bullying and making fun of her. --Well, Emma has announced that when she returns to school next fall, she'll be transferring to another school. But she swears it's not because she was unhappy. --Emma's rep says she loved her time at Brown, but she's changing her major to something that's not offered there.

Harry Potter Biz - #2: Rupert Grint Was Not Photographed Taking a Bong Rip:

There's a picture going around that allegedly shows RUPERT GRINT . . . who plays Ron Weasley in the "Harry Potter" movies . . . taking a hit off a decent-sized bong. --The guy does kind of look like Rupert, but it turns out he's not. His rep says, quote, "This is categorically NOT Rupert Grint. It is an impersonator / look-alike." (--The arms do seem to be a little too buff anyway. Check out the picture here.) (E! Online)


Randy and Evi Quaid Debuted a Movie Called "Star Whackers", Which Had a Lot of Nudity . . . By Randy Quaid:

RANDY and EVI QUAID debuted a "docu-drama" called "Star Whackers" in Vancouver on Friday night. --People who showed up were expecting an informative film that fleshed out Randy and Evi's allegations that there's some sort of conspiracy to bring down . . . and even MURDER . . . celebrities in order to get at their fortunes. --And that is SO not what they got. Instead, they got what Evi called, quote, "a work in progress and highly experimental with a lot of nudity." Unfortunately for the audience, it was Randy doing all the nudity. --There's a scene where Randy is BUCK NAKED, down on all fours and eating grass. There's also a scene in which he's, quote, "running through a field, wearing an open fur coat and flapping in the breeze, while reciting Shakespeare." --The Quaids were brave enough to do a Q&A after the movie . . . and one woman in the audience expressed her disappointment at having spent 25 bucks on this nonsense. --She asked for FACTS on star whacking, and whether or not HEATH LEDGER was a victim of this nefarious practice. Randy said he thinks there's a, quote, "definite possibility" that Heath was murdered. --Then Evi took the mic and told the woman, quote, "This docu-drama was about Randy and the hyper-surreal aspect of what it is to be pursued to your own death. And we put it into an impressionistic form." (--Watch video of the woman giving it to the Quaids here.)

Dolphins Wide Receiver Brandon Marshall Was Hospitalized This Weekend After Being Stabbed by His Wife:

Miami Dolphins wide receiver BRANDON MARSHALL was hospitalized over the weekend after being stabbed in the stomach Friday night by his WIFE. She used a kitchen knife.--Michi Nogami-Marshall claims she acted in self-defense. She was arrested for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. --Brandon underwent surgery Friday night, and was released on Saturday. No organs were hit, so he should be okay. --His manager issued the following statement . . . quote, "This is a very difficult time for Brandon and family, thankfully he will make a full recovery. We simply ask that his privacy is respected." --Someone in the couple's Broward County home called police . . . but we don't know who. When they got there, Brandon tried to protect his wife by telling them that he hurt himself by falling on a broken vase. --Cops did see the broken vase . . . but there was no blood on or around it. There was blood on the walls and floor, though, along with other signs of a struggle. --They also noticed that Brandon had "defensive wounds" on his hands. In other words, he put his hands up to protect himself from the knife, and they got cut. --Michi eventually admitted she stabbed Brandon. She's still being held on $75,000 bond. --Marshall refused an ambulance and called a friend to take him to the hospital, because he didn't want to make a scene. --A source says, quote, "He was sort of embarrassed about the whole incident. He was hoping the press wouldn't hear of it, and he also wanted to protect his wife." --Brandon . . . who signed a four-year, $47.5 million contract with the Dolphins last year . . . has an impressive rap sheet that includes a DUI and an assault on a past girlfriend. --In 2009, when he and Michi were still engaged, Brandon was arrested for roughing her up. But the charges were dropped the next day.

Ian Holm Will Appear as the Older Bilbo Baggins in the "Hobbit" Movies:

Director PETER JACKSON has revealed that IAN HOLM will appear as the older Bilbo Baggins in the "Hobbit". --The young Bilbo is the main character in "The Hobbit" . . . and a much-younger actor named MARTIN FREEMAN plays him for most of the movie. --But Holm . . . who played the old Bilbo in the "Lord of the Rings" movies . . . will get some screen time in the two "Hobbit" flicks.

The Top Movies People Pretend They've Seen:

We all know people who act like they've seen every important movie that ever comes up in conversation. And we all know they're FULL OF IT.

--Well, the British video rental service LoveFilm actually went out and asked people if they've ever lied about seeing a movie . . . and ended up with a list of the movies that people most pretend they've seen.

--Here they are . . .

#1.) "The Godfather", 30%

#2.) "Casablanca", 13%

#3.) "Taxi Driver", 11%

#4.) "2001: A Space Odyssey", 9%

#5.) "Reservoir Dogs", 8%

#6.) "This Is Spinal Tap", 7%

#7.) "Apocalypse Now", 6%

#8.) (tie) "Goodfellas" and "Blade Runner", 5%

#10.) "The Great Escape", 4%

Tyler Perry's New Madea Movie Couldn't Beat "Rio" at the Box Office:

The animated bird movie "Rio" made another $26.8 million this weekend. If estimates hold, that means it beat TYLER PERRY'S latest Madea movie, "Big Happy Family", by just $1 million. --The REESE WITHERSPOON-ROBERT PATTINSON drama "Water for Elephants" was behind both of them with $17.5 million. And the SAMUEL L. JACKSON-narrated Disney Nature movie "African Cats" only made $6.4 million.

It's Happening: Simon Cowell Expects Paula Abdul and Cheryl Cole to Join Him as "X Factor" Judges:

SIMON COWELL expects PAULA ABDUL and British singer CHERYL COLE to join him and L.A. REID on the "X Factor" judging panel. --Simon tells that the deals are NOT final yet . . . in fact, he hasn't started negotiating with Paula . . . but it sounds like it's all but official. Simon says the official announcement will be made "within less than a week." --This seems to prove two things: One, Simon apparently did NOT have a desire to bring in a celebrity more famous than himself . . . and Two, that he wanted to do this with people he's already worked with before. --Of course, Simon and Paula did the first EIGHT seasons of "American Idol" together, along with RANDY JACKSON who's still on "Idol". And Cheryl has judged the past three seasons of the British "X Factor" with Simon. (--There's been talk that Simon will NOT be judging the British "X Factor" anymore, since the shows are scheduled to air at the same time. So, it seems likely that Cheryl would also be leaving the British version.) (--Check out the full interview, here. What do you think? Are you intrigued by the re-pairing of Simon and Paula? Is "X Factor" now an "Idol"-killer? Or are you bored by Simon's decisions after all the hype over bigger stars?)

Stefano Langone Never Wanted to Be the "American Idol" Winner:

STEFANO LANGONE probably wouldn't have minded winning "American Idol" . . . and enjoying all the perks that come with it. But now that he's no longer in the competition, he's saying he never wanted to win in the first place. --He explains, quote, "When I came out for 'American Idol' I never wanted to be the American Idol. It was getting my foot in the door of the music industry and taking a step forward in that way. --"What I came out here to do, I did it. I succeeded. I got to lucky #7, and it doesn't really reflect on who I am as a musician or a performer at all. It's a show. --"That's one thing you've got to remember, it's a show, and now it's time for me to really move forward. There's a wide open crowd and market out there right now, and I'm ready to pounce on it." He adds that he's "thankful" for the "Idol" experience. --By the way, Stefano did come away from "Idol" with one other thing: A bromance with JAMES DURBIN, who he refers to as his "brother." Stefano even says he's going to be the Best Man at James' upcoming wedding. --After Stefano was eliminated, he had to console James, who "stormed offstage in tears." Stefano says, quote, "I told him not to worry about me . . . I told him, 'Just keep focusing on the show.' I talked him down a little bit. He's a big crybaby."

"The Paul Reiser Show" Is Over After Just Two Episodes:

NBC has canceled "The Paul Reiser Show" after just TWO low-rated episodes. The series premiere drew 3.4 million viewers two weeks ago . . . and the second episode, which aired last Thursday, attracted less than 2.4 million viewers. --According to the "Hollywood Reporter", the premiere was the lowest-rated mid-season comedy premiere in the history of NBC. The show has been yanked from the schedule and replaced by repeats of "The Office". (--It's been a while, but PAUL REISER used to be a fairly big deal in primetime. He co-starred on "My Two Dads" in the late '80s . . . and did "Mad About You" for most of the '90s.)

Monday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"NBA Playoffs: Thunder vs. Nuggets" . . . 10:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. Eastern on TNT. (--The Oklahoma City Thunder host the Denver Nuggets.)

--"Dancing with the Stars" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. on ABC. (--This week's theme is "songs that are guilty pleasures," which explains why they also have Hanson performing "MmmBop" tonight.)

--"American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Discovery Channel. (--Junior meets with lawyers to discuss Senior's lawsuit. Meanwhile Mikey's art gallery opening is a success.)

--"The Bad Girls Club" [6th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Oxygen.

--"Better With You" . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Larry King guest stars as himself when Ben seeks relationship advice from him.)

--"RuPaul's Drag Race" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Logo.

--"RuPaul's Drag Race: Untucked" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Logo. (--A behind the scenes look at "RuPaul's Drag Race".)

A Fan Had a Seizure and Almost Died at a Lady Gaga Concert:

Last Tuesday, a 33-year-old woman named Crystal Thornton went to a LADY GAGA concert in Nashville, Tennessee. --But Crystal didn't get to see it, because she had a seizure and almost died before Lady Gaga went on. This happened during the "opening act" . . . so it was probably while SEMI PRECIOUS WEAPONS were onstage. --Crystal's friend, who was there with her, said, quote, "She stopped breathing, her eyes rolled back in her head, and her body started twitching. I was asking if she was OK, and she wasn't responding." --The friend went for help, and brought back some paramedics. When they arrived, Crystal was unconscious and had no heartbeat. Her heart was stopped for five minutes before she was finally resuscitated. --Crystal is now in "stable condition," but that's all we know about her situation. It sounds like she's OK though. She said, quote, "I am so mad I missed the concert."

Check Out a Clip from HBO's Lady Gaga Concert Special:

HBO has released a teaser for the LADY GAGA concert special that premieres May 7th. It's called "Lady Gaga Presents the Monster Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden". --In the clip, Lady Gaga is sitting in front of a mirror before her show . . . CRYING because she feels insecure. --She says, quote, "I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school . . . I gotta pick myself up and I have to tell myself I'm a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need me to be. --"I just wanna be queen for them, and sometimes I don't feel like one." --Lady Gaga finishes with a prayer, in which she thanks God for the "screaming fans," and asks for the "strength to be a winner for all of them, and not for myself." --She adds, quote, "My gift is not self-worship, my gift is the worship of others." (--Here's the link to the teaser. ***WARNING***: It has UNCENSORED S-words.)

And Now . . . Bret Michaels Has an Eye Ulcer:

POISON singer BRET MICHAELS is suffering through yet another health issue. This time, it's a corneal ulcer, which is also referred to as an eyesore. It's unclear how serious it is. --Bret tells the "Birmingham News", quote, "I got a shot in my eye yesterday. They numb your eye completely. They don't even have a remedy for what's wrong with my eye. They're using this crazy stuff in my eye that they invented." --Apparently, the eyesore was caused by an eye infection, which happened after fans "accidentally hit him with a glass" during an appearance at a nightclub in Panama City, Florida. --Bret explains, quote, "[When I was leaving the club] someone said, 'Bret, you rock!,' and this glass filled with vodka and Red Bull fell on my head, and something in the glass scratched my eye. It was this comedy of errors that I survived through." (--That "comedy of errors" could also apply to the incident at the 2009 Tonys, when Bret was hit in the head by a set piece that was being lowered from the ceiling. Here's video of that.) (--Bret is currently suing the Tonys . . . claiming that the accident played a significant role in the near-fatal brain hemorrhage he suffered last year.)

Will.I.Am Hates Performing "My Humps" Live:

If you go to a BLACK EYED PEAS show . . . and they perform "My Humps" . . . WILL.I.AM may look like he's hating every second of it. And he is. Which is why it's unlikely that you'll get to see the Peas performing "My Humps" in the first place. --He tells MTV News, quote, "Before it was like, 'We know we gotta play [hit songs] 'Pump It' and 'Let's Get It Started' . . . and for a while, [we did] 'My Humps' and then it got to the point where we didn't want to play 'My Humps' no more. --"You know, 'cause 'I met a girl down at the disco' . . . I just didn't want to say that no more, lyrically. It wasn't like my best lyrically. --"But it was fun. It wasn't lyrical miracles, but the beat was rocking, so we throw the beat in there and just let the beat linger." --But it isn't that Will.I.Am is sick of performing all of the Peas' hits. He says his favorite song to perform is "I Gotta Feeling".

Weird Al Yankovic's 12 Best Parodies:

"WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC has announced that his next album will be called "Apocalypse" . . . and that it'll hit stores on June 21st. And now that he has LADY GAGA'S blessing, it will include his "Born This Way" parody, "Perform This Way". --In celebration of the new album, "Entertainment Weekly" has put together a list of Weird Al's 12 Best Parodies. Here it is:

#1.) "Amish Paradise" . . . a parody of Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"

#2.) "Eat It" . . . a parody of Michael Jackson's "Beat It"

#3.) "Smells Like Nirvana" . . . a parody of Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

#4.) "Fat" . . . a parody of Michael Jackson's "Bad"

#5.) "Trapped in the Drive Thru" . . . a parody of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"

#6.) "Like a Surgeon" . . . a parody of Madonna's "Like a Virgin"

#7.) "Lasagna" . . . a parody of Los Lobos' version of "La Bamba"

#8.) "White and Nerdy" . . . a parody of Chamillionaire's "Ridin'"

#9.) "It's All About the Pentiums" . . . a parody of Diddy's "It's All About the Benjamins"

#10.) "Jurassic Park" . . . a parody of Richard Harris' version of Jimmy Webb's "MacArthur Park"

#11.) "Another One Rides the Bus" . . . a parody of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust"

#12.) "Perform This Way" . . . a parody of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" (--For more information on the parodies, including video links to each song, hit up "Entertainment Weekly's" slideshow, beginning here.)

Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

A Yale professor has written a book about OPRAH, claiming that she uses a southern preacher's speech patterns and a sermon-like structure for her show to transform herself into a religious figure. (Full Story)

On CNN the other night, ELIOT SPITZER pointed out DONALD TRUMP'S little habit of lying and / or exaggerating about his financial matters. (Full Story)

LEEZA GIBBONS got married last week. Her new husband is 41 . . . and she's an oh-so-cougariffic 54. Leeza's 21-year-old daughter and 19-year-old son became ordained ministers so they could perform the ceremony. (Full Story)

MARY MCCORMACK from the USA Network series "In Plain Sight" is pregnant with her third child. The pregnancy is being written into the show. Mary's husband is producer Michael Morris. They also have two daughters, ages 6 and 3. (Full Story)

Screenwriter KEVIN JARRE . . . whose movies include "Glory", "Tombstone", "The Mummy", "The Devil''s Own" and "Rambo: First Blood Part 2" . . . died of heart failure. He was only 56. (Full Story)

After MICHAEL JACKSON died, his dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein claimed that Michael had a gay affair with Klein's office manager, Jason Pfeiffer. Now, Klein says the whole story was MADE UP . . . but Pfeiffer is sticking by it. (Full Story)

There has been all kinds of talk that "Bachelor" BRAD WOMACK and EMILY MAYNARD have already split . . . but Emily's mother says they're still working it out. (Full Story)

BRITNEY SPEARS, NICKI MINAJ and KE$HA have teamed up to record a remix of Britney's single, "Till the World Ends". It leaked over the weekend. (Audio)

Former Sony president NORIO OHGA . . . who played a significant role in the development of the first compact disc . . . died on Saturday. He was 81. (Full Story)

LIL WAYNE'S "Tha Carter 4" has a June 21st release date. Supposedly, it's pretty much done . . . but Wayne is still tweaking things here and there. (Full Story)

Attorney Generals in 17 states want Pabst Brewing Company to CUT the alcohol content of Blast by Colt 45 . . . the new alcoholic energy drink endorsed by Snoop Dogg. (Full Story)

A VH1 documentary called "50 Cent: The Origin of Me" will trace 50 Cent's family lineage back to a mid-19th Century slave. It premieres May 23rd. (Full Story)


There's Been an 18% Increase In Drivers Running Out of Gas Since Gas Prices Went Up:

Don't know if you've heard, but gas costs a GOTT DAMM FORTUNE. And according to Triple-A, it's led to a HUGE number of people procrastinating on filling up their gas tank. --How do they know? Since prices started making huge jumps last month, they've seen an 18% increase in calls from drivers who've run out of gas. (Newser)

Could the Combination of High Gas Prices and High Food Prices Lead to Another Recession?

Nobody panic . . . but we could be headed for a recession. And before you say, "Um, aren't we still in a recession?" . . . yeah, but this COULD mean things are going to get worse. --Craig Johnson is the president of Consumer Growth Partners. And he says the combination of high gas prices and high food prices could cross a, quote, "tipping point" that would push us back into a brand new recession. --The U.S. has had six recessions since 1970, and all of them except the one after 9/11 happened because energy prices made up more than 6% of people's spending. With gas prices averaging $3.90 now, we've crossed the 6% mark again. --But it's rare that gas prices AND food prices go up at the same time . . . and that's exactly what's happening now. Johnson says, quote, "[that] creates a harsh double whammy for already-stressed consumers." (CNBC)

Here Are the Most Popular Car Colors In Different Parts of the U.S.:

Ford just finished a global survey of what car colors people prefer. Yeah, apparently they've got enough money to waste on mindless surveys again. Go American auto industry! --Anyway, here's what they found . . . --In New York and Los Angeles, the most popular car colors are GRAY and SILVER. --In San Francisco, WHITE is most popular. --In Boston, BLACK is most popular. (--For cars. Not people. KIDDING! Boston's totally diverse and accepting. Everyone's welcome there.) --In the Midwest, RED is the most popular. --In Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., and Pittsburgh, GREEN is the most popular. --In Phoenix and Miami, ORANGE and GOLD are most popular. --Only one European country has a top color that's not white, black, or silver . . . the Czech Republic likes blue. Otherwise, they all go for the most basic colors. (PR Newswire)

When It Comes To Letting Other Drivers Merge, Men Are More Generous:

Men get a bad rap for being more aggressive and dangerous on the roads . . . the insurance companies certainly seem to think so. But according to a new study, when it comes down to it, male drivers are soft-hearted, kind, and generous souls. --In a new study out of the University of Queensland in Australia, MEN are more likely than women to let other drivers merge in traffic. On a busy street, there's a 42% chance a man will let you into his lane . . . versus a 37% chance a woman will let you in. --The researchers found that men are most likely to stop for females, but will also be nice to other guys, too. Women, on the other hand, are okay about letting guys merge . . . but are EVIL when it comes to letting other women merge. --The study also found that older drivers are more likely to let you merge than younger drivers . . . people with really cheap or really expensive cars are less likely than people with mid-level cars . . . and people with passengers are better than solo drivers. (Courier Mail)

The Adjustable Basketball Hoop Has Turned 25:

Twenty-five years ago, the lives of white people were irreversibly changed for the better. --Because in April of 1986, a company called Lifetime Products released the first adjustable basketball hoop. Using only a broomstick, you could instantly move the rim from 10 feet down to, like, six feet, where you and your white friends could dunk. --Since their first adjustable rim debuted in 1986, Lifetime says they've manufactured and sold more than 10 million of them. (PR Newswire)
You Can Buy a 'No-Hit Pinata' That Splits Open When You Pull a String, Instead of Hitting it With a Bat:

I'm not quite sure why today's parents want to raise the most WEAK and COWARDLY generation of Americans ever . . . but the march continues. Here's the latest example. --Apparently, some parents have decided that PIÑATAS are warping the minds of their little angels. --They feel that piñatas are just too violent . . . if a kid learns it's okay to hit a paper-mache Dora the Explorer with a bat, who's to say he won't smack a human with one? (--And God forbid you actually WATCH your children or teach them why it's wrong to hit people. No! That sounds horrible. Piñatas are to blame.) --So there's a whole new niche market of . . . NO-HIT PIÑATAS. --Instead of having kids bust them open by hitting them with a bat or a stick, a kid just has to pull on a string hanging from the piñata and it splits right open. (CafeMom) (--You can check out a website selling no-hit piñatas here. They have several different types . . . but for some reason, my eyes gravitated toward the tie-dye peace sign no-hit piñata, and the "Princess" and "Prince" ones.)

The Bed Intruder Guy Was Busted For Marijuana Possession:

ANTOINE DODSON was the viral video champ of 2010. In case you forgot, he was the guy who ranted on the local news to, quote, "hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya husbands 'cause they rapin' everybody out here." --Well, Antoine made it back into the news early Saturday morning . . . when he was busted in Huntsville, Alabama for marijuana possession. --He was driving his new Mercedes at the time. And yes, we can only assume he bought that Mercedes thanks to the money he's gotten from TV appearances, t-shirt sales, and sales of the Auto-Tuned song that featured his rant. --A cop pulled him over for speeding and found a, quote, "small bag of marijuana" on him. Antoine has been charged with possession, speeding, not having liability insurance, and failure to appear in court on an old traffic citation. --After he posted a $1,340 bond and got out of jail, Antoine posted on Twitter that he'd been arrested on a, quote, "weak charge." --His agent took a different approach, and told reporters, quote, "In today's market, [the arrest] could fuel the fire for more interest . . . Not that it should be promoted, but you have to turn something negative into something positive. " --Apparently, Antoine was visiting relatives back in Alabama . . . he moved to L.A. in January and has been working on a reality show about his move ever since. (Huntsville Times) (--Here's his mugshot.)

A Man Busts Into an Elementary School, and They Evacuate . . . But it Turns Out He Just Needed to Use the Bathroom:

Look, I understand that bathroom emergencies are no joke. When you gotta go, you don't care which toilet gets the honor. But still . . . this was probably a bad idea. --On Thursday, an adult man BARGED into Stony Creek Elementary School in Littleton, Colorado. (--Littleton is the city right next to where the Columbine High School massacre happened in 1999.) --The school panicked, and EVACUATED all of the students and staff. --Thankfully, the man wasn't there to cause trouble. No . . . when the police confronted him, he told them he just really needed to use the bathroom, and the school was his closest option. --He won't be charged with any crime. (FOX 31 - Denver)


Mugshot of the Day: A Man Was Busted For Huffing Spray Paint For the 48th Time . . . And He Has the Paint On His Face To Prove It:

Kelly Gene Gibson of Fort Wayne, Indiana likes to huff paint. We know this for a fact. --Because since 1992, Kelly has been charged with inhaling toxic vapors FORTY-SEVEN TIMES. That's an average of two-and-a-half huffing charges per year since BILL CLINTON took office. --And on Thursday, Kelly got his 48th charge. His wife Elizabeth called the police and told them that Kelly was back to huffing . . . yes, somehow Fort Wayne's most notorious huffer landed a woman. --When the cops got to the apartment, they found Kelly on the couch, shirtless, with his hands, nose, mouth, and chin covered in silver paint. He had a can of silver spray paint in his right hand and a paint-covered plastic bag in his left hand. --They arrested him. He was charged with inhaling toxic vapors . . . again. (CBS 15 - Fort Wayne)

Police Crack a Cold Murder Case From 2004 . . . When They Find the Entire Crime Scene Tattooed on a Guy's Chest:

In January of 2004, a 23-year-old man was gunned down in front of a liquor store in Los Angeles. Police believed it was a gang-related shooting, but they were never able to find the murderer, and the case went cold. --Now, seven years later, the L.A.P.D. has finally solved the case . . . almost entirely by accident. --They arrested 25-year-old Anthony Garcia for driving with a suspended license. When he was being booked, the cops followed their standard procedure and took photographs of all his tattoos. --A homicide investigator named Kevin Lloyd was flipping through the book of tattoos, and he saw Garcia's. --And he realized that Garcia was basically confessing to the liquor store murder . . . because he had THE ENTIRE CRIME SCENE tattooed on his chest --It even had tiny details: Christmas lights from the liquor store roof . . . the victim's body on the ground just like the cops had found it . . . a street sign . . . and an image of a helicopter shooting the victim, which was a reference to Garcia's nickname, Chopper. --In the tattoo, the victim was drawn like Mr. Peanut . . . and apparently in gang terms, someone from a rival gang is called a "peanut." --Garcia was arrested and put in a cell with an undercover cop. The cop got him talking, and Garcia confessed to the murder. He's looking at 65 years to life in prison. (Los Angeles Times) (--Here's a photo of Garcia and his tattoo.)

Four Bank Robbers Are Caught After One of Them Bragged About It On Facebook:

At this point, police departments should really just assign someone to monitor Facebook. Because from the stories we keep seeing, it seems to produce more confessions than the cops ever did. Here's the latest. --Back on March 23rd, two men walked into a branch of the International Bank of Commerce in Houston, Texas . . . forced two tellers into the vault . . . and stole more than $62,000. They got away clean, and were never caught. --And they might've gotten away with it too . . . if they hadn't taken to Facebook. -The day after the robbery, 18-year-old Ricky Gonzalez posted a Facebook status update that said, quote, "U have to past the line sometimes! To get dis money!" Yes, he said "past" and not "pass." Might not be dealing with a genius here. --His girlfriend . . . 19-year-old Estefany Martinez . . . was one of the bank tellers during the robbery. She posted, quote, "I'm rich, [witch]." Only she didn't say witch. And two days before the robbery, she wrote, quote, "Get $$$." --The cops quickly connected it. The robbery was an inside job, set up by Estefany and another teller named Anna Rivera. The two robbers were Estefany's boyfriend, Ricky, and Anna's brother, a 22-year-old named Arturo Solano. --All four are looking at up to 10 years in prison. (Houston Chronicle)

A Man In Michigan Attacks the Girls Gone Wild Bus When It Fails To Deliver Any Girls Going Wild at a Local Bar:

On Wednesday night, the GIRLS GONE WILD bus swung through Saginaw Township, Michigan, to spend the night at a local spot called the Red Horse Bar. A LOT of guys in town were excited about that. --Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like many GIRLS were too excited. --See, the Girls Gone Wild bus doesn't really bring wild girls along with it. It brings like four cameramen and some t-shirts and trucker hats. They lean on the local girls to handle the wildness. --On Wednesday night in Saginaw, they didn't get a good female response, and the guys who showed up to the bar . . . and paid a $10 cover . . . were upset that they didn't get to see ANY casual nudity. --No one was more upset than a 51-year-old man whose name wasn't released. He's a regular at the Red Horse and was looking forward to the girls going wild. --When that didn't happen, he retaliated by DESTROYING both of the rear-view mirrors on the outside of the bus. That added up to about $1,600 in damage. --There's no word on what charges he's facing. --The owner of the Red Horse Bar says the night was a gigantic disappointment, quote, "full of headaches and a lot of false promises" . . . and he won't be hosting any Girls Gone Wild events again anytime soon. (Saginaw News)

A Woman Busted For Drunk Driving Explains She Was Just Trying To Get Some KFC To Test Out Her New Fake Teeth:

I will never defend drunk driving . . . but if ANYONE has a worthwhile excuse, I guess it would have to be this woman. --On Friday night, police in Melbourne, Australia pulled over a 55-year-old woman. The woman blew a 0.05 on the breathalyzer, which is enough to fall under the local drunk driving laws. But she gave the police a VERY valid excuse. --She told them she'd just gotten NEW FALSE TEETH and wanted to go test them out by eating some FRIED CHICKEN at KFC. --Somehow, that wasn't good enough to get her off the hook. This was her second drunk driving offense in 10 years, which means she'll automatically lose her license. (Melbourne Herald Sun)

A 7-Eleven Robber Is Busted When He Gives the Clerk a Note . . . With His Name On It:

On Wednesday, 36-year-old Bruce Manlove of Dover, Delaware walked into a 7-Eleven and handed the clerk a note that said "This is a robbery." His demand? Seventeen packs of Newport cigarettes. --The clerk gave him the cigarettes but refused to give back the note. And when the police got there, they found out why. Turns out the clerk realized that Bruce had written the note on . . . the back of his Department of Corrections paperwork. --So the note featured Bruce's full name, address, and contact information. The police quickly tracked him down and arrested him. (Dover Post)

Stupid News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

A guy in Florida was arrested for violating a restraining order and ransacking his ex-wife's house . . . when cops found him naked and passed out in her bed. (Full Story)

A 48-year-old murder suspect tried to escape police by jumping into the Grand Canyon on Friday afternoon. He fell 25 feet, landed on a ledge, injured himself, and had to be rescued. Now he's in custody. (Full Story)

Jon Kyl is the Arizona Senator who said Planned Parenthood uses 90% of their funding for abortions. It turned out the number was 3%, so his office said his comment was, quote, "not intended to be a factual statement." Now he's had the original comment stricken from the official Congressional record. The transcript says, quote, "If you want an abortion you go to Planned Parenthood and that is what Planned Parenthood does." (Full Story)

A state Senator in Michigan has introduced an important new plan . . . that would require foster kids to spend their government clothing allowance at thrift stores. (Full Story)


#1.) A Little Girl Did the 'Jedi Training Academy' at Disneyland . . . And Decided to Join the Dark Side:

There's a YouTube video from February that's just getting a bunch of plays now. It shows a little girl named Sariah doing the 'Jedi Training Academy' at Disneyland. That's where they give lightsabers to kids in the crowd, and have them fight Darth Vader. --But the girl decides to join the Dark Side instead, and she bows down at Vader's feet. (--Search for "Sariah Joins the Dark Side." She kneels at :15.)

#2.) A Congresswoman in Tennessee Has an "Extreme Fear of Dogs":

There's a state congresswoman in Tennessee named JOANNE FAVORS, and she's afraid of dogs. We know this important information because last week, she complained to her colleagues how she'd just encountered a dog in the plaza of the state Capitol. --She said her blood pressure was "sky high", and she wanted to make sure it never happens again. (--Search for "Favors Fears Legislature Going to Dogs.")

#3.) A Tornado Hit St. Louis International Airport and Caused Major Damage:

A tornado hit Lambert-St. Louis International Airport on Friday evening and caused major damage. An EF-5 is the biggest kind of tornado, and this one an EF-4. In fact, it was the biggest tornado to hit the area since 1967. Luckily, no one was seriously hurt. -But when you see the security footage from inside, it's hard to believe no one was killed. There's no sound, but you can see things falling from the ceiling, and then about ten seconds of total chaos. (--Search for "KMOX Tornado at Lambert C Entrance." The chaos begins at :32.)

Three Reasons You Should Have Been Eating Dark Chocolate Yesterday:

If you ate a ton of chocolate yesterday, chances are it was MILK chocolate. You've probably heard that dark chocolate is much healthier, but in case you don't know why, here are the three main health benefits.

#1.) It Can Help Prevent Heart Disease. Just like tea, dark chocolate has flavonoids: Types of antioxidants that protect your cells from free radicals. --Free radicals are produced when your body breaks down food, or when it's exposed to sunlight or smoke. And free radicals can cause cell damage that leads to heart disease. --But the flavonoids in dark chocolate can lower your blood pressure and reduce bad cholesterol by up to 10%.

#2.) It Can Protect Your Skin. German researchers found that the flavonoids also help your skin absorb UV light, increase blood flow to the skin, and improve your complexion.

#3.) It Can Make You Happy. Dark chocolate makes your brain produce more endorphins, which can lower your stress level. And it also contains serotonin, which acts like an anti-depressant. --But ALL types of chocolate have a lot of calories, so you're only supposed to eat about three ounces of dark chocolate a day. More than that and you'll start gaining weight, which could INCREASE your stress level. (Reader's Digest)


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