Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Rosie O'Donnell Is Still With Her Girlfriend:


We heard a while back that ROSIE O'DONNELL had broken up with her girlfriend, Tracy Kachtick-Anders. Turns out that didn't happen . . . although maybe they did hit a rough patch. --Yesterday (--On "The Howard Stern Show"), Rosie said, quote, "We didn't really break up. She just has six kids . . . and I have four. It's insanity." --And, since I'm sure you want to know, she added that the sex is, quote, "very good."



Arnold Schwarzenegger's Son Wants a Piece of Kendall Jenner, Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus:


ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER'S 17-year-old son PATRICK wants to slice himself off a piece of some other famous chicks his age. --In an interview with "Details" magazine, Patrick refers to SELENA GOMEZ and 15-year-old KENDALL JENNER . . . half-sister of the KARDASHIAN girls . . . as, quote, "girls for the future." --Then he adds, quote, "My eye, though, is set on MILEY." --He also spent some time recently hanging with the rebellious 17-year-old daughter of BRUCE WILLIS and DEMI MOORE. --He says, quote, "I just saw TALLULAH over winter break. I was at their house in Sun Valley."



Kate Hudson Hates Her Pregnancy Boobs . . . Except When She's Naked:


A lot of women like the increased bustiness that comes with being pregnant. KATE HUDSON is not one of them. --She tells "In Style" magazine, quote, "I hate it. I'm usually an A cup and I'm getting close to a D cup. Big breasts are fun for certain things and really not fun for other things. --"Plus, I love fashion, and having big breasts is not ideal for certain looks. They're way more fun when you're not in your clothes. Then, they're a blast!"



Josh Hopkins Says He's Not Dating Courteney Cox . . . But It's a Cool Rumor to Have Out There:


JOSH HOPKINS denies he's nailing his "Cougar Town" co-star COURTENEY COX. But he doesn't really mind the rumor being out there. --He says, quote, "It's not like a terrible story to have out there. It's not like I'm upset about it. I mean, she's really hot. But it's just not true."



Funny Pictures of Famous People: Britney Spears, Mark Zuckerberg and Rachel Bilson:


#1.) You have to love BRITNEY SPEARS for being down-to-Earth enough to still shop at Target. She and boyfriend Jason Trawick picked up toilet paper, ice cream and paper cups, among other things, during a shopping trip Monday. (--Check out the pics here.) (Daily Mail)


#2.) Facebook billionaire MARK ZUCKERBERG cleans up after his own dog. (--Check out the pics.) (Daily Mail)


#3.) I know she's really not, but in these photos, RACHEL BILSON looks like she's humping her enormous dog. (--Check it out here.) (Egotastic)




Check Out Corey Feldman and Dane Cook Jamming with the Metal Band Steel Panther:


Both COREY FELDMAN and DANE COOK got onstage and jammed with the L.A. glam-metal band STEEL PANTHER during a gig Monday night. --Corey showed off his MICHAEL JACKSON dance moves during "Smooth Criminal" . . . while Dane sang JOURNEY'S
"Don't Stop Believin'" with the band. (--Check out video here.)

Gary Busey's 1-Year-Old Son Is in the Hospital . . . But It Sounds Like He's Going to Be OK:


GARY BUSEY'S 1-year-old son Luke has been hospitalized with what Busey's rep called a, quote, "childhood illness." --But it sounds like he's going to be okay. Busey's rep added, quote, "Luke is expected to be going home by the end of the week. Gary is very grateful to his fans for their love and support."



Cameron Diaz Has No Interest in Going to a High School Reunion:


A lot of people dream about becoming rich and famous so they can go to their high school reunion and rub it in all their old classmates' faces. CAMERON DIAZ is not one of those people. --She says, quote, "I have never been to a reunion. I just really don't feel the need to let anybody know what the hell I am doing because they can pretty much tell what I am doing all day. I really don't care. --"The people I want to know are there in my life already and if not I can do the Facebook thing that people do, where they upload their entire lives and say things like 'I took a poop this morning'. I don't want to know that much about anybody."



Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Require Their Nannies to Have Childcare Degrees and Know Two Languages:


How do BRAD PITT and ANGELINA JOLIE jet around the world, make movies and do charity work . . . all while projecting this image of themselves as perfect parents? It can be summed up in one simple word: NANNIES. spoke to a woman who recently applied to be one of their nannies . . . and she told them what Brad and Angelina expect from their candidates . . . --Each of the six kids gets a nanny . . . and he or she has to have a college degree in either education or child development AND speak two languages. --In the case of the foreign-born kids, the nanny must know the language of his or her native land. --You also have to be willing to travel, obviously. --Pay can be anywhere from $50,000 to $150,000. (--The source said pay is on a "sliding scale" . . . but didn't elaborate. She could mean that nannies start at 50 G's, and can work their way up to 150-large.)



At His Show Last Night in D.C., Charlie Sheen Suggested President Obama Wasn't Born in the United States:


CHARLIE SHEEN had a gig last night in Washington, D.C. And apparently he was inspired by the location to get political. --Charlie talked . . . although not seriously . . . about running for president. He called it, quote, "The craziest (effing) idea ever." --But then he added, quote, "For starters, I was (effing) born here, how about that? And I got proof! Nothing Photoshopped about my birth certificate. I know I promised this wouldn't be political, but look where we (eff) are, man!" --He said a presidential bid would be, quote, "something I'd have to consider because I don't know how a custody fight would work with half a (effing) first family." --Asked who he'd choose for a running mate, he said NICOLAS CAGE. --Charlie also addressed his custody hearing earlier that day, telling the crowd, quote, "Hope you had a better (effing) day than I did. That's all right. My day became perfect thanks to you people." --Ultimately, the show didn't go too well, either. There was a lot of booing and catcalling and people pouring out early. According to various estimates, the crowd only reached 50 to 80% capacity before people started leaving.



Charlie Sheen Did Not Win In His Custody Hearing Yesterday:


"Winning" was NOT the operative word for CHARLIE SHEEN yesterday in his custody hearing. It appears that Charlie failed to get full custody of his 2-year-old twins, Bob and Max. --We don't know that for sure, because the judge's ruling was not announced. What we do know, however, is that BROOKE MUELLER left the courtroom smiling . . . while Charlie did not. --And at his show later that night in D.C., Charlie told the crowd, quote, "Hope you had a better (effing) day than I did." --What we're left to assume is that the judge kept the custody arrangement as-is . . . at least for the time being. That means that Brooke will continue to care for the boys while Charlie is out on tour. --A so-called "source" even said, quote, "Everything is the same and went well for Brooke." --Technically, it's probably Brooke's mother who's watching the boys while Brooke deals with her latest relapse. --One person who WON'T be watching the kids is DENISE RICHARDS. She reportedly called Charlie recently and offered to take care of Bob and Max while he and Brooke work out their various problems

--But a source close to Brooke says that offer won't be accepted . . . quote, "Brooke would never let that happen. The boys live in a very stable home and that would only uproot them. Grandparents and family members are much better than ex-wives."






Why Does Conan O'Brien Think Charlie Sheen is a Genius?


CONAN O'BRIEN thinks CHARLIE SHEEN is a GENIUS. And his reason is awesome. --He says, quote, "A year ago, I got into a . . . big fight with my network, and then I said 'Eff you, I'm out of here.' I walked out and then I went on a tour all around the country, 42 cities, and then I lost my mind. --"One year to the day later, Charlie Sheen: big fight with his network, says 'Eff you, I'm out of here,' walks out, goes on a 42-city tour, loses his mind, but brings two porn stars with him. That man is a genius! --"I blew it, I didn't bring porn stars! I brought two chess champions and had them make out. Two dudes. It was terrible. I liked watching it, it fulfilled my fantasy, but no one else seemed to care."



If You Think President Obama Was Born in This Country, Then Donald Trump Believes You Have Been Co-Opted by "Obama and His Minions":


DONALD TRUMP'S supposed presidential candidacy hit a new low yesterday, during an interview with GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS of ABC News. --George really pressed Trump on the birther issue . . . and if you ask me, Trump made a fool of himself, and exposed what a joke his "non-campaign" really is. --When George pointed out that Obama long ago presented a "certificate of live birth", which meets the State Department's requirement for a presidential candidacy, Trump said this in reply . . . --"George, they've co-opted you . . . Obama and his minions have co-opted you." --Then Trump had the GALL to say, quote, "This is not a big focus of my campaign," and he blamed the MEDIA for constantly bringing it up. --George didn't let that comment go uncontested. He pointed out that Trump has sent investigators to Hawaii to determine whether Obama was born there. --As you recall, Trump recently said those investigators, quote, "could not believe what they're finding." --When George asked Donald exactly what those investigators are finding, he REFUSED to answer the question. He repeatedly said, quote, "We're gonna see what happens." --Then he got angry and said, quote, "George, next question." (--You can watch the interview here.)



WWE Superstar R-Truth Lit Up a Cigarette on "Monday Night Raw" . . . And Now Anti-Smoking Activists Are Mad:


Anti-smoking activists are freaking out after WWE Superstar RON "R-TRUTH" KILLINGS lit up a cigarette on "Monday Night Raw" this week. --After losing a match to JOHN MORRISON . . . R-Truth attacked Morrison from behind and beat him down until he was lying helpless on the floor outside the ring. -Then he bummed a pack of smokes from someone in the audience . . . (--The guy could have been a plant, but we don't know) . . . lit one, and proceeded to blow smoke over Morrison's prone body. --Not surprisingly, anti-smoking activists are upset. Especially because the WWE now bills itself as "family-friendly", TV-PG entertainment. --Patrick Reynolds of says, quote, "For him to smoke in front of [children] is irresponsible. At best, it's thoughtless, and at worst, if he calculated appealing to kids by posing as a bad-boy outlaw, it's evil." --He adds, "If he wants help in quitting, I'll be happy to be his personal coach." --To be fair, the smoking angle was being used to turn R-Truth into a VILLAIN, not someone kids are supposed to look up to. And that's how the WWE is defending the bit. --They issued a statement saying, quote, "The negative effect smoking has on one's health and physical performance was a part of a storyline on last night's 'Monday Night Raw'. --"Negative depictions of tobacco use on television are not unusual and can be seen on other TV-PG shows." (--You can watch video of the incident here. Notice you can hear the crowd chanting "That's illegal" after Truth lights up.) (--Monday's show took place in London . . . so apparently, the U.K. has tough indoor smoking laws, too.) (--And here's video of their pre-match banter . . . in which Morrison teases R-Truth for smoking.) (--FYI: Patrick Reynolds is the grandson of tobacco magnate R.J. Reynolds. Obviously, he's not big on the family business. He's been an anti-smoking activist since 1986.)



The Son of Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan Has Joined the Cast of "Hunger Games":


JACK QUAID . . . the son of DENNIS QUAID and MEG RYAN . . . has joined the cast of "Hunger Games". --"Hunger Games" is the first novel in a young adult sci-fi trilogy by author SUZANNE COLLINS. It's a post-apocalyptic story that takes place in a country called Panem, which is where North America used to be. --Every year, the government chooses one male and one female teenager from each "district" to fight to the death in a televised event. --JENNIFER LAWRENCE from "Winter's Bone" is playing the lead, Katniss Everdeen. JOSH HUTCHERSON and LIAM HEMSWORTH have also been cast. --ELIZABETH BANKS . . . of "30 Rock" and "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" fame . . . may also join the cast. She won't be playing one of the kids, obviously, since she's 37 years old. (--Fans of the Japanese film "Battle Royale" . . . which came out 11 years ago . . . have accused Suzanne of biting that flick, and the 1999 novel of the same name it was based on.) (--There are definite similarities. You can read more about the movie here.)

It's On!!! Between Tyler Perry and Spike Lee:


(WARNING!!! This story deals with racially-sensitive topics and uses some language that might be offensive to some listeners.) SPIKE LEE has often criticized TYLER PERRY for making his living off negative African-American stereotypes.
-At a press conference yesterday for his new movie, "Madea's Big Happy Family" . . . (--Opening Friday) . . . Tyler launched a counter-attack.
--He said, quote, "I'm so sick of hearing about damn Spike Lee. Spike can go straight to hell! You can print that. I am sick of him talking about me, I am sick of him saying, 'This is a coon; this is a buffoon.'
--"I am sick of him talking about black people going to see movies. This is what he said: 'You vote by what you see,' as if black people don't know what they want to see.
--"I am sick of him . . . he talked about Whoopi, he talked about Oprah, he talked about me, he talked about Clint Eastwood. Spike needs to shut the hell up!"
--Perry also criticized the black community for bringing itself down . . . quote, "I've never seen Jewish people attack 'Seinfeld' and say, 'This is a stereotype.'
--"I've never seen Italian people attack 'The Sopranos', I've never seen Jewish people complaining about 'Mrs. Doubtfire' or Dustin Hoffman in 'Tootsie'. I never saw it. --"It's always black people, and this is something that I cannot undo . . . We don't have to worry about anybody else trying to destroy us and take shots because we do it to ourselves." (--To be fair, PLENTY of Italian people didn't like "The Sopranos" and the way . . . in their opinion anyway . . . that it demeaned their people.)



Demi Lovato Has Quit "Sonny with a Chance" . . . Because the Show Isn't "Healthy for Her Recovery":


DEMI LOVATO has decided to QUIT her Disney Channel show "Sonny with a Chance" to focus on dealing with her physical and emotional issues . . . and her music career. --The show went on hiatus after Demi went to rehab last October. Her issues were rooted in an ongoing eating disorder. She finished her treatment in January . . . but she will not be returning to the show. --Demi tells "People" magazine, quote, "I don't think going back to 'Sonny' would be healthy for my recovery. Being in front of a camera would make me nervous. It made sense for me to go ahead and leave the show to focus on my music. --"It's kind of sad for me that a chapter of my life has ended, but there couldn't be a better time for me to move on." --Disney responded with a statement saying that they "respect Demi's decision" . . . and they support her in her efforts to get well and "bounce back from adversity." --It doesn't sound like this came as a surprise to them. In January, Disney began production on a spin-off of "Sonny" called "So Random", which focuses on the sketch comedy show within "Sonny with a Chance". --So, they'll just continue that without Demi. "So Random" premieres in June. (--"Sonny" began in February of 2009, and aired 46 episodes over two seasons.)



Demi Lovato Has Admitted to Suffering from Serious Body Image Issues . . . Including "Cutting" Herself Beginning at Age 11:


DEMI LOVATO is opening up about her battle with some serious body image issues, with the hope of helping other young girls who are dealing with the same stuff. --In an interview that'll air on "20/20" and "Good Morning America" this Friday, Demi revealed that her issues were NOT the product of being a child star . . . they began back when she was just a regular girl. --Here are some highlights from the interview . . .

--On Her Battle with Bulimia: Quote, "I developed an eating disorder . . . and I've been dealing with [it] ever since. I was compulsively overeating when I was eight years old. So, for the past 10 years I've had a really unhealthy relationship with food."

--On Cutting Herself, Which She Says Began When She Was Just 11 YEARS OLD: Quote, "It was a way of expressing my own shame, of myself, on my own body. I was matching the inside to the outside. --"And there were some times where my emotions were just so built up, I didn't know what to do. The only way that I could get instant gratification was through an immediate release on myself."

--On How Her Problems Were Exacerbated By Fame: Quote, "I was performing concerts on an empty stomach. I was losing my voice from purging. I was self-medicating. --"I was not taking medication for depression, and I literally was so emotionally whacked out that I took it out on someone that meant a lot to me." (--She's talking about the physical altercation she got into with Alex Welch . . . the backup dancer that she clocked last year.)

--On Punching Her Backup Dancer: Quote, "I take 100%, full responsibility. I feel horrible. [She] was my friend. They sat me down and said, 'You can't live like this.'"



Miranda Cosgrove Is Putting Off College to Do More "iCarly":


17-year-old MIRANDA COSGROVE has been accepted into New York University and the University of Southern California . . . and is waiting to hear back from Yale, Brown and Berkeley. --But even though she's planning on attending one of those schools . . . she has decided to defer college for one year to do a fifth season of her Nickelodeon show "iCarly". It'll premiere next year, and will likely be the LAST season.

Shocker of the Day: "Bachelor" Brad Womack May Be a Bachelor Again:


The last official word on "Bachelor" BRAD WOMACK and his chosen fiancée, Emily Maynard, was that they were STILL engaged . . . but were working through some issues. --Well, "Life & Style" magazine claims the "working out" period is OVER . . . along with their relationship. A so-called "insider" says, quote, "Emily told Brad that she can't picture them getting married. --"Brad's not acting like a fiancé, and she knows that he's not going to change. Emily knows in her heart of hearts that the relationship is finished." --Despite what's happening in Emily's "heart of hearts," the insider says they haven't officially announced the break-up because of some "contract with ABC."



The Less-Rich Stars of "Happy Days" Are Suing CBS for $10 Million:


The cast of "Happy Days" is suing CBS and Paramount for $10 MILLION, because they believe they've been screwed out of profits from "years of home video releases and licensed merchandise that used their images and voices." --It's interesting that the show's most successful alumni . . . Ron Howard and Henry Winkler . . . are not involved in the lawsuit, but a lot of the LESS-RICH main cast members are. --They would be: Anson Williams (Potsie), Don Most (Ralph), Erin Moran (Joanie), Marion Ross (Mrs. C) and the wife of the late Tom Bosley (Mr. C).



The Mayor of Florence Has Laid Out Rules for the "Jersey Shore" Kids:


The upcoming season of "Jersey Shore" will take place in Florence, Italy . . . but according to an Italian newspaper, the city's Mayor
Matteo Renzi has laid out some GROUND RULES for the show. Here they are:


--The cast will not be filmed in bars and clubs that serve alcohol.


--The cast will not be filmed drinking in public.


--The show will not be filmed to promote Florence as a drinking town.


--The show should be filmed in a manner to promote Italy . . . not Americans visiting Italy . . . and feature its culture and good food. (--Uh, yeah . . . if he has any REAL hope of enforcing these rules, he better have some good mafia connections. I hate to bring out the Italian stereotypes . . . but honestly Mayor Renzi is gonna have to get used to that as well.)



Hoover, the Vacuum Company, Is Pulling Its Ads From ABC . . . Because An Executive's Wife is a Fan of the Soaps They're Canceling: (???)


Last week, ABC announced that they're killing their soap operas "All My Children" and "One Life to Live". --But some people think there's a chance they could be revived, since nothing ever REALLY dies in the soap opera world. (--Except their audiences.) --And get this: The crusade to resuscitate the soaps is being led by Hoover, the vacuum company. (???) Not only is this NOT a joke, but Hoover is playing some serious hardball. --Hoover's VP of Marketing Brian Kirkendall is so "disappointed" that ABC has canceled the soaps . . . that Hoover will be yanking their ads from ABC. The Hoover spots will be pulled ASAP . . . and all of them will be gone by this Friday. --His aggressive response could have something to do with the fact that his wife and mother are "passionate" fans of both shows . . . as are some of his friends at Hoover. --He's set up an email address to, quote, "help pull together the mass emotional outpouring of support," and he will forward the fan responses to ABC. And he's also ranting about the canceled soaps on Hoover's Facebook page. --The email is . . . and the Facebook link is: ABC has not responded to this.



Both "American Idol" Episodes Beat "Dancing with the Stars" in the Ratings:


"American Idol" is starting to pull away from "Dancing with the Stars" in the ratings. "Idol's" performance show was watched by 23 million people, while 22 million tuned in on Thursday as Paul McDonald got sent packing. --A million fewer people watched the "Dancing" performance show, and the results show barely cracked the top 5.


Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)


--"NBA Playoffs: Thunder vs. Nuggets" . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on TNT. (--The Oklahoma City Thunder host the Denver Nuggets in Oklahoma City.)


--"NBA Playoffs: Lakers vs. Hornets" . . . 10:30 P.M. to 1:30 A.M. Eastern on TNT. (--The Los Angeles Lakers host the New Orleans Hornets.)


--"American Idol" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Fox.


--"Survivor: Redemption Island" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Matt duels against both Mike and David. The loser will become the first member of the jury.)


--"Ghost Hunters" [7th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Syfy.


--"Breaking In" . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--NASCAR's Jimmie Johnson guest stars as a childhood friend of Christian Slater, who asks for his help with a security problem at the track.)


--"Hoarding: Buried Alive" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TLC.


--"Glamour Belles" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on Lifetime.


--"Being Erica" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on SoapNet.



Lady Gaga's Nearly-Naked "NME" Magazine Cover:


LADY GAGA is on the cover of the new issue of "NME" magazine, wearing nothing except some sort of see-through body suit, with zippers strategically placed over her naughty areas. She's also wearing a purple wig, for what that's worth.

(--Here's the cover . . . and here's a full shot, in which you see a little more below-the-waist. ***WARNING***: Lady Gaga is technically covered in the shot at the second link . . . but she isn't leaving much to the imagination.) -In the article, Lady Gaga goes off on the fact that people still don't "get" her . . . quote, "Let me tell you something. If you (effing) rip my hairbow and my wig off my (effing) head, my shoes, my bra, every single thing on my body . . . --"And you throw me on a piano with a microphone, I will (effing) make you cry. --"I feel I have been probed endlessly about who the (eff) I am. I have been quite open about it. And still nobody seems to have a clue." (--Everybody get that? I'm not sure I do.)



The Authorities Are Looking at Death Threats Against Rebecca Black . . . and Rebecca Black Is Looking at Her Image on a Billboard:


The Anaheim police are looking into a few death threats made against "Friday" superstar REBECCA BLACK. A police spokesman says, quote, "In essence, the threats were related to getting the music off the Internet or they were going to kill her. --"We can't validate how serious they are . . . but we do take it seriously. In the meantime, we are keeping an extra eye out for her." --Speaking of Rebecca, here's a shot of her standing in front of a billboard in Hollywood celebrating her "Friday" video surpassing 100 MILLION views. She reportedly had it put up herself. (--For some reason, I find this amusing. Check it out.) (AdWeek)

Here's a Video of Carrie Underwood's Husband Getting in a Fight During this Weekend's Hockey Playoffs . . . And Carrie Watching It from the SkyBox:


CARRIE UNDERWOOD'S husband MIKE FISHER is a total badass. And I mean that in a good way. Mike dropped the gloves and went toe-to-toe with an opponent who made a cheap shot hit on his fellow Nashville Predators teammate. --It happened Sunday during the playoff game against the Anaheim Ducks . . . and Carrie was in the skybox watching. I have no idea if she's seen Mike mix it up like that before . . . but she DID look a bit nervous. (--Here's the video: Fisher is #12 in the dark blue jersey. At the 12-second mark he drops the gloves and goes after #15 Ryan Getzlaf. The camera gets Carrie's reaction at the 47-second mark.)






Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:



"American Idol"
cast-off PIA TOSCANO will perform on "Dancing With the Stars" next Tuesday night, while boyfriend MARK BALLAS dances. This is the first cross-over between the two shows. (Full Story)



The one and only TITO JACKSON is doing a SOLO ALBUM! (Full Story)



HBO has already renewed its new show "Game of Thrones" after only one episode. It's that fantasy series which stars SEAN BEAN, who played Boromor in the "Lord of the Rings" movies. (Full Story)



JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE will host the May 21st season finale of "Saturday Night Live". (Full Story)



WILL FERRELL made a video, threatening to shave CONAN O'BRIEN'S beard when he appears on "Conan" on May 2nd. (Full Story)


In honor of Easter, has put together a list of 25 "rabbit songs". (--You've never heard of most of these songs . . . or a lot of these bands, either.) (Full Story)



The BLACK EYED PEAS are opening a music academy for teens in lower Manhattan this summer. (Full Story)





"Commercial Airline Pilot" Has Been Named the Most Stressful Job of 2011:


Unlike air traffic controllers, pilots actually HAVE to stay awake when they have your life . . . and their own life . . . in their hands. And going without a nap like that is really stressful. --The website just put out its annual report on the top 10 most and least stressful jobs of the year . . . and commercial airline pilot was named the number one most stressful job. --In general, the jobs on the high stress list are ones that are dangerous, intense, filled with crisis situations, high-pressure, or some combination of those. The low stress jobs are ones that have very little danger and minimal physical demand. --The least stressful career of 2011 is . . . audiologist. If you don't know, that's someone who diagnoses and treats hearing disorders. --The top 10 least stressful jobs are: Audiologist . . . dietitian . . . software engineer . . . computer programmer . . . dental hygienist . . . speech pathologist . . . philosopher (???) . . . mathematician . . . occupational therapist . . . and chiropractor. --The top 10 most stressful are: Commercial airline pilot . . . PR executive . . . senior corporate executive . . . photojournalist . . . newscaster . . . advertising account exec . . . architect . . . stockbroker . . . EMT . . . and real estate agent. (PR Newswire)



There's Still Hope! Half of the Poorest Americans From the Past 15 Years are Now In a Higher Income Group:


Good news: The rich don't always get richer and the poor don't always get poorer. Debt collectors might be harassing you on Facebook today, but you could still find yourself asleep on a pile of money surrounded by Russian prostitutes someday. --New data from the U.S. Treasury Department shows that there's actually A LOT of movement between income levels amongst the richest and poorest Americans.

--Here are some of their findings . . . --About HALF of the taxpayers who were in the POOREST 25% of the country between 1996 and 2005 were in a higher income bracket within 10 years. --55% of taxpayers, or more than HALF, change income brackets within a decade. --Of the top 0.001% richest Americans in 1996, only one quarter of them were still at that level in 2005. --And finally, everyone's basically getting richer . . . even after adjustments for inflation, the median income for ALL taxpayers went up by 24% between 1996 and 2005.

(National Review)



Department Stores Have Finally Realized That People Hate Getting Assaulted By Perfume Sprayers:


For decades now, we've walked through department stores knowing that if we head through the fragrance area, it's a GAUNTLET of over-aggressive salespeople trying to spray you with perfume. --Well . . . it appears that the department stores have finally figured out that people HATE THAT. And HATRED doesn't sell perfume. --Everyone from Nordstrom to Lord & Taylor to Bloomingdale's is cutting back on the perfume sprayers. They're cutting the staff, asking them just to spray those little pieces of paper instead of people, and generally making the whole area more laid back. --Pamela Vaile is a high-profile perfume marketer, and she summed up why the department stores have finally moved in this direction. Quote, "Accosting a consumer with your product doesn't convey luxury." (New York Times)



Iran Wants To Make It Illegal To Own a Dog:


It's one thing for Iran to hate Americans . . . that's just par for the course over there. But now Iran has gone too far. It turns out they also hate MAN'S BEST FRIEND. --Iranian lawmakers have proposed a new bill that would make it ILLEGAL to own a pet dog. They say that dogs are a health hazard, and that owning one is, quote, "a blind imitation of the vulgar culture of the West." --If the bill passes, anyone who's caught with a dog will be fined . . . possibly even thrown in prison . . . and their dog will be immediately TAKEN AWAY from them and probably put to sleep. (Time)



One Phone Sex Company Now Owns 25% of the World's 1-800 Numbers?


I don't know anyone who still dials phone sex lines . . . I thought the Internet kinda killed those off . . . but there's one phone sex company that's taken a FASCINATING strategy to make sure their call centers always stay busy. --The company is called PrimeTel Communications and they're based out of Philadelphia. Very quietly, over the past 13 years, they've been buying up 1-800 numbers. --PrimeTel obsessively monitors the status of 1-800 numbers. As soon as any company relinquishes one . . . either because they shut down, stop making payments, whatever . . . PrimeTel instantly buys it up. --And by doing it, they now AMAZINGLY control about 25% of the world's 1-800 numbers. So if you dial four random 1-800 numbers, odds are you'll encounter at least one that's owned by PrimeTel. --And when you call a PrimeTel 1-800 number, you hear a recording of a woman's voice offering to talk dirty and nasty to you for around $2.99 a minute. --Through their aggressive buying, they've gotten some prominent 1-800 numbers like 1-800-CHICAGO, 1-800-METALLICA, 1-800-CADILLAC, 1-800-CAMERAS, 1-800-WHIRLPOOL, and 1-800-BEATLES. --PrimeTel also uses some of their 1-800 numbers for other spam-type businesses like mortgage refinancing, crazy diets, and timeshares. --And . . . this is all legal. PrimeTel is one of about 400 companies registered as a toll-free service provider so they can legally reserve and assign unclaimed 1-800 numbers, the same way major phone companies can. (USA Today)

Police Had To Rescue a Woman When Her Eight-Foot Python Bit Her Neck and Wouldn't Let Go:


Here's yet another reason we're not sure why anyone owns an exotic, LETHAL pet. Eventually . . . they might TURN on you. --Last week, Chrystal Wilson of Lyons, Kansas was home feeding Howie, her EIGHT-FOOT-LONG pet PYTHON. And while she was in its cage, Howie turned on her and SNAPPED. --Howie latched his teeth around Chrystal's NECK and wouldn't let go. --Howie's a type of python with smaller teeth, not huge fangs, and he's not poisonous. --Her young son saw the snake attack his mom and called the police. An officer came and had the cojones to stick his hands in there and pry the python's jaws off of Chrystal's neck. --She only ended up suffering minor injuries. --But she did get charged with a misdemeanor for harboring a vicious animal and was ordered to get Howie out of her house. (ABC 10 - Wichita)





Police Are Searching For a Woman Who Stole an 18-Pack of Beer By Shoving It Up Her Shirt:


Oh man, when they catch this woman I can't wait to see the mugshot. --In Crestview, Florida, a 26-year-old woman who's only been identified by her first name, Nikki, went to a convenience store. --Nikki walked in, grabbed an 18-pack of Bud Light, shoved it UP HER SHIRT, and walked out. Yes, Nikki was able to disguise a pretty damn large package of beer up her shirt. That's impressive. --The police were able to track down Nikki's friend, who drove her to the store, but are still searching for Nikki. The friend was charged with misdemeanor larceny. (Northwest Florida Daily News)



A Half-Naked Woman Crashes Her Car . . . and Blames Her Bird Flying Around Inside:


On Sunday afternoon, in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, police spotted a 58-year-old woman swerving down the street, continuously honking her horn. --They tried to pull the woman over but she kept swerving . . . and crashed into a CITY BUS. -That brought her car to a stop, and fortunately, no one was hurt. And when the police went over to the woman's car, they found something strange . . . she was HALF NAKED. --Tragically, no reports have said whether it was the top half or the bottom half. Or why she was naked in the middle of a Sunday afternoon. --The woman wasn't drunk or speeding . . . no, she told the cops she lost control of the car because her PET BIRD got loose inside and was flying around like crazy. --She was arrested for reckless driving. The bird is being cared for by the humane society. (Toronto Sun)



A Woman in Montana Steals Her Future Father-In-Law's Credit Card . . . To Pay For a Bunch of Wedding Expenses:


You know how most people kill themselves trying to make a wonderful first impression on their future in-laws? 20-year-old Brittany Sterna-Lanaghan of Billings, Montana took the exact OPPOSITE approach. --Last September, she was with her fiancé and his parents. And she STOLE her future father-in-law's credit card. --Then she started using it to buy stuff. A lot of stuff. In a few days she used the card 55 times and ran up more than $1,500 worth of charges . . . a lot of which were WEDDING EXPENSES. --She was caught and arrested. --On Monday, she pleaded guilty to a felony charge of deceptive practices by common scheme. Brittany is looking at a six-year deferred sentence, a $500 fine, and $5,776 in restitution. (--And also, a lifetime of horrible interactions with the in-laws. Have fun at Easter!) (Billings Gazette)




Stupid News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:



Ahead of summer camp season, the New York State Health Department has released a list of children's activities that have a, quote, "significant risk of injury." The list includes including kickball, Wiffle ball, freeze tag, capture the flag, and red rover. (Full Story)



There was a story last month about a teenager in Quebec who outed his school secretary for being a former porn star, because she wouldn't give him an autograph. But it turns out he outed for a different reason . . . because she wouldn't give him oral. (Full Story)



A blind guy in Italy was arrested for scamming the government out of $85,000 in benefit payments since 2003 . . . when he was busted on Monday for driving a car. (Full Story)



There's no brawl quite like a CARNY brawl: On Monday night in Germany, a dispute between two circus families over tent space ended in a shooting. According to reports, the two families used guns, knives, and batons on each other. Six people were injured, including a 48-year-old who was shot in the leg. (Full Story)



Last week, a 46-year-old guy in Michigan went to root through a dumpster at an apartment complex to look for recyclable cans . . . and found an abandoned newborn baby instead. The baby suffered from mild hypothermia, and is recovering in state custody at a foster home. (Full Story)





#1.) A Guy in Mississippi Told the Local News a Tornado Stole His Hamburger, Fries, and Drink:


After a tornado ripped through Jackson, Mississippi last week, the local news interviewed a guy who told the sad story of how his hamburger, fries, and drink were ripped right out of his hands. (--Search for "Tornado Steals Man's Hamburger." He mentions the burger at :30.)



#2.) A Fight Broke Out at a Hockey Match . . . And a Fan Jumped on the Ice and Joined In:


Some hockey players got into a brawl during a minor league match in Russia, which isn't really news. But during this one, an idiot fan jumped over the glass and joined in. --He didn't land any big punches and didn't take any shots, but he seemed proud of himself anyway. (--Search "Watch Idiot Fan Pick a Fight With Hockey Player." He scales the wall at :25.)



#3.) Here's the Worst Scene from the Cheesy Lifetime Movie About Prince William and Kate Middleton:


The royal wedding is next Friday, so Lifetime made a lame movie about PRINCE WILLIAM and KATE MIDDLETON'S relationship. It's called "William and Kate: The Movie", and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's not 100% historically accurate. --In one scene, William wins Kate over by singing her a cheesy song in the middle of a crowded lounge. You can watch it at (--Search for "Worst Moment from Lifetime's William & Kate Movie.")



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