Thursday, April 28, 2011


President Obama Released His Birth Certificate Yesterday . . . And Instead of Admitting He Wasted Everyone's Time, Donald Trump Treated It As a Win:

The White House released a copy of PRESIDENT OBAMA'S birth certificate yesterday, which means we've finally answered an important question: Yes . . . DONALD TRUMP is officially THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN AMERICA. --It's Obama's long-form birth certificate, and shows he was born at 7:24 P.M. on August 4th, 1961, in the Kapiolani Maternity and Gynecological Hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii. --In other words, the document birthers claimed for years didn't exist . . . EXISTS. --During the 2008 campaign, Obama released a "certification of live birth." That's how Hawaii and other states prove you were born. But that was never good enough for conspiracy theorists. (--Check out photos of both forms here.) --At the press conference, Obama said, quote, "We do not have time for this kind of silliness . . . We've got big problems to solve. And I'm confident we can solve them. --"But we're not going to be able to do it if we are distracted . . . if we spend time vilifying each other . . . if we just make stuff up and pretend that facts are not facts . . . if we get distracted by sideshows and CARNIVAL BARKERS." --That last part's a pretty obvious reference to Trump, since he's been yammering about the birther stuff for weeks. And Trump responded exactly how you'd think . . . --He said, quote, "Today I'm very proud of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish." --So, instead of admitting he made stuff up and took America on a wild goose chase when we have important things to worry about, Trump BRAGGED about it. --And of course, the birth certificate isn't real until Donald says it's real. He said, quote, "We have to look at it, we have to see is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully." --And why does Donald hope the birth certificate is real? Because he's tired of the media always asking HIM about it. (--All you can do is laugh, people. Because it's either that or start burning things down.) --He said, quote, "Hopefully when I sit down [for interviews], people don't start talking about 'Birth certificate, birth certificate', like they've been doing. So I feel I've accomplished something really, really important and I'm honored by it." --One of the reporters brought up the so-called "investigators" Donald sent to Hawaii to look for Obama's birth certificate, and the fact that Donald said those investigators, quote, "can't believe what they are finding." --The reporter said, quote, "Do the people in this country now need to doubt the information you're being given . . . were you making this up?" --And Donald gave one of the lamest answers ever. He said, quote, "No . . . first we have to look at the certificate. But I am really happy that this has finally taken place. Because we have some issues that are unbelievably important." (--Here's video of Obama's address. You can watch Trump's response here, and here's video of Trump on CNN later in the day saying, quote, "I have done a great service to the American people.")

Did President Obama Solve the Crisis in Libya After He Shut Trump Up? No. He Hopped on a Plane to See Oprah:

In releasing his birth certificate and STUFFING IT IN DONALD TRUMP'S face, PRESIDENT OBAMA had some very dismissive words for the birthers. --He said, quote, "We've got some enormous challenges out there . . . and we're not going to be able to [face those challenges] . . . if we just make stuff up and pretend that facts are not facts. --"We are not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers . . . We do not have time for this kind of silliness. We've got better stuff to do." (--Here's video of his full statement.) --So what "better stuff" did Obama get down to after his press conference? Well . . . he hopped a plane to Chicago so he could be on "Oprah". --I kid you not. He and his wife MICHELLE taped an interview that'll air on Monday's show. --Not surprisingly, they talked about the birth certificate. (--You'll find video here.)

Now That the Birth Certificate Issue Is Closed, Donald Trump Wants to Focus On More Important Matters . . . Like Obama's Grades:

DONALD TRUMP claims he's HAPPY that PRESIDENT OBAMA showed his birth certificate. Because now we can talk about the issues that really matter . . . like forcing Obama to release grades. --I swear to Allah I wish I were kidding, but I'm not. In the very same press conference in which Trump said it was time to move on to more important issues, he tried to goad Obama into releasing his grades. --As you probably recall, Trump's latest conspiracy theory is that Obama didn't have good enough grades to get into Harvard and Columbia. (--You can watch Donald Trump try to disrespect the presidency even more here.) (--And just for giggles . . . here's an article about how Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner, who's married to Donald's daughter Ivanka, was a crappy student and only got into Harvard because his dad made a $2.5 million donation.)

Random Trump Idiocy:

#1.) ADAM MCKAY . . . the director of "Anchorman" and "Talladega Nights" wrote a funny essay saying that Hawaii must now prove it's a state. (--You can read it here.) (--Laugh now, but don't be surprised if Trump takes up this issue.)

#2.) WHOOPI GOLDBERG announced on "The View" yesterday that she's PLAYING THE RACE CARD on Trump. (Video)

#3.) "Face the Nation" host Bob Schieffer is calling Trump a racist, too. (Full Story)

#4.) Some people are interpreting this as racist: Trump wants President Obama to, quote, "get off his basketball court" and deal with OPEC. (Video) (--I wouldn't read anything into that. Obama DOES play a lot of ball. It's like when people used to complain that Bush was out clearing brush on his ranch instead of working.)

#5.) Not surprisingly, people are already calling out President Obama's birth certificate as a fake. (Full Story)

#6.) CHER called Donald a, quote, "pompous [A-hole]" on Twitter. (Full Story)

#7.) Trump's got his own line of men's wear . . . the Donald J. Trump Signature Collection . . . and it's manufactured in China. (Full Story)

Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy Are Engaged:

KATE HUDSON and her baby-daddy, MATT BELLAMY of MUSE, got engaged last week. --During an interview on the "Today" show yesterday, MATT LAUER noticed a rock on Kate's finger. And she told him, quote, "I'm engaged! It just happened a week ago. I'm so glad you noticed. --"I haven't really announced it . . . I was waiting for someone to notice." -She didn't say how Matt proposed, but she said, quote, "It was very sweet. It was very romantic." (--Here's video.) (--You can see a picture of the ring here. A jewelry expert told "Us Weekly" it's probably worth about $200,000.) (Us Weekly) --Matt and Kate have been dating for about a year, and are expecting a child in the next few months. They're both 32. --Matt will be Kate's second husband. She was married to BLACK CROWES singer CHRIS ROBINSON from 2000 to 2007. They have a 7-year-old son named Ryder.

The "Star" Has Apologized to Katie Holmes for Running a Bogus Headline Suggesting She Was Addicted to Drugs:

The not-always-reliable "Star" tabloid has apologized to KATIE HOLMES for a cover story they ran a few months ago suggesting she's a drug addict. Obviously, the story was BOGUS, and Katie sued for $50 million. --The apology appears in the May 9th issue of the "Star". It reads, quote, "In a recent issue of 'Star', we published headlines about Katie Holmes that could be read to suggest that she was addicted to drugs. --"'Star' did not intend to suggest that Ms. Holmes was a drug addict or was undergoing treatment for a drug addiction. -"'Star' apologizes to Ms. Holmes for any misperception and will be making a substantial donation to charity on Ms. Holmes' behalf for any harm that we may have caused." (--Here are pictures of two "Star" covers: The one that got them in trouble, and the new one announcing the apology.) (Pop Eater) --There's no word how much they're giving to charity . . . or if there were any other terms to the settlement beyond the apology and the donation. --Katie's attorney called this, quote, "a lesson to other tabloids that if they print false and defamatory stories about Katie, she will stand up for her legal rights."

Paris Hilton Was Headed to Court to Testify Against One Stalker . . . When Another Stalker Tried to Attack Her Boyfriend:

PARIS HILTON and her boyfriend Cy Waits were on their way into a Los Angeles courthouse yesterday when some guy tried to either grab or hit Cy. The guy actually got a hand on Cy's neck, but was quickly pulled away by security. (--Here's video.) --Here's what's kind of crazy about the situation: Paris was going to court to testify against a stalker . . . and the man who attacked Cy also has a history of stalking Paris. --The defendant in yesterday's court hearing was Nathan Parada. He's the man who tried to get into Paris' house last August. Cy ended up holding him at GUNPOINT until police arrived. --Meanwhile, the attacker outside the courthouse was James Rainford. Last October, he snuck onto Paris' property and got into an altercation with her private security. He ended up with three years' probation for it. --After yesterday's attack, Rainford was handed over to cops. He reportedly repeated to them what he told the press, that he'd proposed to Paris recently and she accepted . . . and that her father had also given him permission to marry her.

The Pitching Coach for the Atlanta Braves Got in Trouble for Using a Gay Slur:

You'd think the whole KOBE BRYANT thing would have made people a little smarter about this, but I guess not . . . --Atlanta Braves pitching coach ROGER MCDOWELL had to apologize for using a gay slur while responding to three hecklers at a Braves / Giants game in San Francisco last weekend. (--CAREFUL!)--McDowell reportedly told the guys, quote, "Are you a homo couple or a threesome?" Then he allegedly used a baseball bat to simulate sex, and added, quote, "Are you three giving it to each other up the [backside]?" (??? --A family of four that included two 9-year-old girls witnessed the incident. The father says he confronted McDowell, who told him, quote, "Kids don't [effing] belong at the baseball park." --Then McDowell approached the man with his bat and said, quote, "How much are your teeth worth?" --The family retained the services of attention-whore attorney GLORIA ALLRED. She wants both McDowell and the Braves to be fined, and wants McDowell to apologize and undergo sensitivity training. (--Here's video of Gloria's press conference. WARNING!!! She uses some graphic language to describe McDowell's words and actions.) --That prompted McDowell to apologize. He said, quote, "I am deeply sorry that I responded to the heckling fans in San Francisco on Saturday. I apologize to everyone for my actions." --The Braves released their own statement. They said, quote, "We are concerned by these allegations and the behavior described by a witness today. --"This in no way represents the Braves organization and the conduct we expect of our employees." (--I hate to say it, but this is one of those cases I wouldn't mind seeing Gloria Allred win.)


Sequels to "Hoodwinked" and "The Fast and The Furious" Hit Theaters Tomorrow:

#1.) "Fast Five" (PG-13) The latest "Fast and Furious" reunites Vin Diesel and Paul Walker with the other stars of the previous movies, including Jordana Brewster, Ludacris, and Tyrese. Here's what you need to know to bring you up to speed: --Paul Walker's not a cop anymore. He's hanging out with Vin Diesel . . . who he broke out of jail with the help of Diesel's hot sister . . . and they're trying to steal $100 million out of police custody. The Rock is the federal agent trying to catch them. (Trailer)

#2.) "Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil" (PG)

Red Riding Hood was voiced by Anne Hathaway in the first movie. Anne's gotten a lot more famous since then, so Hayden Panettiere does the voice in this one. Don't worry, your kids won't be able to tell the difference. --Glenn Close is still Granny and Patrick Warburton is still the wolf. Here are some other voices you'll want to listen for: Brad Garrett as the Giant, Cheech & Chong as a couple minor characters, and a cameo by Heidi Klum as . . . wait for it . . . Heidi. --You'll get stuck taking your kids to see it, so you don't REALLY need plot details, but here goes: Granny, Red, Wolf and Twitchy the squirrel join a secret spy organization to ensure all fairy tales have happy endings. Aren't you sorry you asked? (Trailer)

#3.) "Dylan Dog: Dead of Night" (PG-13)

Remember Brandon Routh, the guy who failed at being "Superman"? He stars as Dylan Dog in this horror comedy that's based on a popular comic book. Dylan is a private detective who takes on vampires, werewolves and zombies as part of his job. --One of the better casting decisions was putting Sam Huntington in the role of his whiny friend. You'd know him as the neurotic werewolf on SyFy's "Being Human". You'll also recognize Taye Diggs and rassler Kurt Angle among the undead. (Trailer)

#5.) "Prom" (PG) (Limited)

A Disney flick about a group of teenagers getting ready for their high school prom. It doesn't star anyone whose name you'd recognize, except maybe Aimee Teegarden. She played Julie Taylor, one of the cute girls on "Friday Night Lights". (Trailer)

The Next "Snakes On a Plane" Could Be a Movie About Sharks In a Supermarket!

Ever since the phenomenon that was "Snakes on a Plane" back in 2006, everyone's been wondering when the next "Snakes on a Plane" will come along. Well, it might not be much longer. --There's an Australian flick in the works called "Bait 3D". --I'll let star XAVIER SAMUEL explain the premise . . . quote, "It's about a bunch of people trapped in a supermarket that's flooded. --"There also happens to be sharks in the water. It's like 'Snakes on a Plane' but with sharks in a supermarket." --He adds, quote, "When I read it, I thought it was a great farce and this hilarious scenario. I was like, 'This has to be fun to do.' It was great. I was wielding a pump-action shotgun at a mechanical shark and thinking, 'This has nothing to do with acting at all.' I had a blast." --The movie will hit theaters in Australia in September. There's no word on a U.S. release. (--This movie sounds awesome. There's only one thing that would make it even MORE PERFECT: The filmmakers must change the title to "Sharks in a Supermarket". NOW!)
The Woman Melissa Leo Played in "The Fighter" Has Died:

ALICE WARD . . . the woman played by MELISSA LEO in "The Fighter" . . . died yesterday at the age of 79. Ward had gone into cardiac arrest in January and was put on life support shortly after. Yesterday, the decision was made to pull the plug. --Leo won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for playing Ward . . . who was the mother of nine children, including boxers MICKY WARD and DICKY EKLUND . . . who were played by MARK WAHLBERG and CHRISTIAN BALE, respectively. --Eklund issued a statement yesterday saying, quote, "We lost the leader of our family. She was a great woman, a strong woman. She taught us all what it means to be strong because she never gave up on any of us." (--Bale won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for playing Dicky.)

Mark Wahlberg and Justin Bieber Are Doing a Movie Together:

MARK WAHLBERG and JUSTIN BIEBER are doing a movie together. Mark says, quote, "We're putting it together. Yeah, we're doing it at Paramount. We pitched them the idea, and we talked to him about doing it and he loved the idea. --"Been sending me video . . . he sent me a video of himself and yeah, I think he's really talented." (--That's all we know about it at this time.)

Did "American Idol" Allow Pia Toscano to Do "Dancing with the Stars" in an Attempt to Sabotage the Debut of "The Voice"?

The first shot has been fired in the impending war over singing competition shows . . . or at least that's the word that's making the rounds online. Here's the deal: --There's talk that Fox allowed "American Idol" reject PIA TOSCANO to appear on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars" Tuesday night in an effort to steal attention away from the premiere of "The Voice" on NBC. --A so-called "NBC producer" . . . who's not affiliated with "The Voice" . . . tells, quote, "Of course they did. 'Idol' has not allowed any of its talent from the present season appear on 'Dancing', and all of a sudden they book Pia!" --If that WAS the plan, it didn't work. "The Voice" had a pretty impressive opening. --It averaged 11.8 million viewers . . . and while that isn't in the ballpark of "Idol's" numbers . . . it was the biggest debut on a major network since CBS' "Undercover Boss", which drew 38.6 million viewers last year, in a post-Super Bowl time slot. --That being said, "The Voice" did not take down "Dancing with the Stars", which was still the night's most-watched show with an audience of 17.9 million viewers. That's up from last week, when the "Dancing" results show drew 15.8 million viewers.

Julianne Moore *Can* Pull Off a Pretty Convincing Sarah Palin Look:

Apparently, TINA FEY isn't the only one who can pull off a decent SARAH PALIN. JULIANNE MOORE can do it, too. --Julianne is playing Sarah in "Game Change" . . . the upcoming HBO movie about JOHN MCCAIN'S 2008 presidential campaign. (--There's no premiere date yet.) --HBO just released a picture of Julianne as Sarah, and it's a convincing look. (--You can check it out . . . along with some of the other actors in the movie, here.)

A Trailer for the British Version of "Jersey Shore":

"Jersey Shore" is no longer just a national embarrassment . . . it's now an international sensation. Check this out: England is launching their own version of "Jersey Shore" called "Geordie Shore". --"Geordie" is a regional nickname for the people in northeast England. --"Geordie Shore" seems EXACTLY like "Jersey Shore". (--Here's a trailer for the show, which introduces the cast. "Geordie Shore" premieres in the U.K. next month.)

Angelina from "Jersey Shore" Is Possibly Pregnant . . . and Single:

Angelina Pivarnick . . . from the first two seasons of "Jersey Shore" . . . is pregnant . . . or at least that's what she's telling TMZ. E! Online claims she still hasn't received "confirmation from a doctor" yet. (--Apparently, chicks like Angelina don't abide by the traditional "wait three months before you announce your pregnancy" rule.) --But that's not all. She may also be SINGLE. Angelina and her boyfriend David Kovaks got engaged back in February, but now there's a rumor that David is breaking it off. Angelina has yet to comment on that.

Thursday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"NFL Draft" [First Round Draft Picks] . . . 2:00 to 5:30 P.M. Eastern on ESPN. (--The second and third rounds are Friday. Today's top picks are expected to include quarterbacks Cam Newton and Blaine Gabbert, plus strong defensive players like Nick Fairly, Von Miller, Marcell Dareus, and Patrick Peterson.)

--"American Idol" [Results Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Bruno Mars and Crystal Bowersox perform.)

--"NBA Playoffs: Hornets vs. Lakers". . . 8:00 to 10:30 P.M. Eastern on TNT. (--The New Orleans Hornets host the Los Angeles Lakers.)

--"NBA Playoffs: Trail Blazers vs. Mavericks". . . 10:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. Eastern on TNT. (--The Portland Trail Blazers host the Dallas Mavericks.)

--"The Office" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Steve Carell's final episode. Michael Scott says good bye to each staffer, while Andy and Deangelo try to secure his most valued clients.)

--"Grey's Anatomy" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Doris Roberts guest stars as a terminal-cancer patient being treated by Alex and Derek becomes more cautious in the clinical trials when a patient dies suddenly.)

--"Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on MTV. (--Katy Perry offers dance challenges to the remaining contestants.)

--"Son of a Gun" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on MTV. (--Lil' Wayne's Young Money Entertainment Group offers rapper Cory Gunz a record deal and cameras follow him as he tries to succeed in the music industry.)

--"John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show" [2nd Season Finale] . . . Midnight to 1:00 A.M. on Comedy Central. (--Comedians Kyle Kinane, Kumail Nanjiani, Jen Kirkman and Al Madrigal perform.)

And for those of you who can't live without an update on those insufferable royal wedding shows, here it is:

--"20/20: The Royal Wedding: A Modern Fairytale" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Chris Cuomo and Elizabeth Vargas preview the royal wedding and the life awaiting Kate Middleton after she becomes royalty.)

--"The Making of a Royal Wedding" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on TLC. (--The preparations for the royal wedding are detailed.)

--"Countdown to the Royal Wedding" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TLC. (--Another pointless discussion about Prince William and Kate Middleton's royal nuptials.)

--"Watch What Happens: Live: Royal Wedding Spectacular" . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo. (--"Real Housewives" stars Catherine Ommanney and LuAnn de Lesseps discuss the royal wedding with host Andy Cohen.)


Steven Tyler Accepted the "American Idol" Gig . . . Much to Roger Daltrey's Dismay . . . So Aerosmith Couldn't Hold Him Hostage:

In an interview in the new issue of "Rolling Stone", which comes out tomorrow, STEVEN TYLER admits that he accepted the "American Idol" gig, in part, to gain leverage over the other members of AEROSMITH. (--Of course, Steven and Aerosmith have been on rocky terms, on and off, for YEARS now . . . but things got really bad in late 2009 / early 2010 when it seemed like Steven was either quitting, or being fired from the band.) --Steven explains, quote, "Did I take this job to show the band? (Eff), yeah. Not to show them, but that I can't be held hostage anymore. I will be my own hostage. The band can't throw me out." --The "Idol" negotiations went down last summer. And interestingly enough, if Steven hadn't accepted the gig . . . it might have gone to WHO singer ROGER DALTREY. But Steven had the edge, because he still looked like a rock star. --A Fox suit told "Rolling Stone", quote, "[Roger] came in and was the complete reverse of Steve . . . very formal, his hair was cut, he looked like a regular guy. He had lost that sort of rock 'n' roll charm. But Steven was unbelievably charming." (--Steve and Roger were among roughly 40 people who were interviewed to replace SIMON COWELL. There's no new word on who the others were.)

Steven Tyler Claims He Got High with Joe Perry a Few Years Ago:

STEVEN TYLER and AEROSMITH guitarist JOE PERRY were once known as the Toxic Twins, so it's no secret that they did a lot of drugs together. But then, the band was supposedly sober for almost two decades. --We also know that Steven has struggled with painkiller addiction in recent years . . . but in his interview with "Rolling Stone", Steven says he wasn't the only one who was slipping. --Steven says he and Joe tried to record new music a few years ago, but it didn't work out because they both got too high. --He explains, quote, "It was just like 30 years before. I whipped out mine, [Joe] whipped out his and we got high together again. I say to Joe, 'Wow, man, how you been, it's been, what, 17 years since we got high together? --"Joe, you've been [effing] running away from me ever since.'" --That was basically the end of their recording session. Steven says, quote, "Joe was high and he couldn't play. I couldn't sing, really, because I was snorting everything, and it (effs) up your throat. It was the wrong time." --Word has it that the article also has Steven outing two members of Aerosmith as using drugs within the last year . . . but for now, it's unclear what that's all about.

Steven Tyler Confirms That He Almost Left Aerosmith for Led Zeppelin:

STEVEN TYLER has confirmed that he almost replaced ROBERT PLANT in LED ZEPPELIN back in the fall of 2008.

(--This was after Zeppelin's one-off reunion concert . . . when JIMMY PAGE, JOHN PAUL JONES and JASON BONHAM, the son of original drummer JOHN BONHAM . . . wanted to reunite, but Plant wasn't interested.) --At the time, they seemed to be a good match: Steven was a singer with a disgruntled band, and Led Zeppelin was a band with an absent singer. But Steven says it didn't go beyond a single meeting in London. --He explains, quote, "I decided, 'Well, I know that I'm mad at those [Aerosmith] guys, but I'm not that mad.' So I called Jimmy up after I left, two weeks later, and said, 'You're in a classic band, and so is mine . . . --"'And I just can't do that to my guys, and I can't do it to Robert,' and I couldn't see finding a year to really put myself into it. So for whatever the band thought, never in a million years was I going to quit Aerosmith to start Zeppelin."

Steven Tyler Is Addicted to the Way Joe Perry Plays . . . and Says "There's No One Like Him":

Just when it seemed like STEVEN TYLER is in danger of damaging his relationship with the rest of AEROSMITH . . . with all the drug talk and whatnot . . . he drops a big compliment. --In an interview that will air on "Dateline" this Sunday, Steven says, quote, "Well, you see, [Joe PERRY] plays guitar . . . and he plays it in such a way where I'm addicted to it. There is no one like him. --"He's my own Keith [Richards]. He's my own [Eric] Clapton. He's that. He is Aerosmith . . . you know, we've been to places where it's, you know, '[Eff] you, you're fired, and I'm leaving." --Steven adds that everything isn't perfect with Aerosmith right now, but he's trying to patch things up. He says, quote, "It's about internal issues that since I left the last management, it's four now against one. So . . . there's little things. --"Remember, being in a band this big, it's a very heavy marriage." (--You can watch a preview of the interview, here.) --Aerosmith is expected to come together soon to begin recording, but in the meantime, Steven is putting out a SOLO track called "(It) Feels So Good". The song will debut Monday, May 9th . . . and hit iTunes the next day, May 10th. --But you can listen to a brief sample on

Steven Tyler Is High on "American Idol" . . . But Otherwise Sober:

STEVEN TYLER tells "People" magazine that he's been sober for a year and a half, but that he IS high on . . . "American Idol". --He says, quote, "If you think going out in front of high-def cameras and millions of people I'm not high on adrenaline, you're crazy. --"I'm stoned when that curtain drops. I just don't snort the curtain dropping. I don't snort J. Lo either, though I do breathe her in." --And Steven tells "Rolling Stone" that the talent on "Idol" astounds him. --He says, quote, "You know what . . . if you could just sprinkle 10 years of smoking pot, getting [effed] up, getting laid, getting [effed], and 10 years of just life, which one of those people wouldn't be a star?" --He adds that's he's in a good place right now . . . quote, "I'm really lucky right now. I'm on top of the world: I'm Hollywood's little [effin'] sweetheart, basically."
Adele Is Back On Top of the "Billboard" Chart:

ADELE sold another 153,000 copies of "21" this week and has retaken the #1 spot on the "Billboard" chart. In the nine weeks since the album's release, it's held the top spot for five of them. --The "Glee Presents the Warblers" soundtrack was the top new album on the chart. It debuted at #2 with 86,000 copies.

Bruno Mars Says "[Eff] You" Was Written in Two Hours:

BRUNO MARS claims it only took a couple hours for him, his songwriting team and CEE LO GREEN to crank out "[Eff] You". --He says, quote, "For years I'd been saying, I wanna work with Cee Lo Green. We came up with the title and sang the chorus for him. We were a little nervous about it because we didn't want it to be like a skit. --"He said, 'That's incredible, let's go!' We wrote it in two hours."

Listen to Stevie Nicks' New Album:

STEVIE NICKS will release an album called "In Your Dreams" next Tuesday . . . but you can check it out early, because the whole thing is streaming at --Stevie describes the album as, quote, "my own little 'Rumours'." (--That, of course, is a reference to the classic Fleetwood Mac album.) (--"In Your Dreams" is Stevie's first solo album since "Trouble in Shangri-La", which came out in 2001. Fleetwood Mad released a disc called "Say You Will" in 2003.)


There's a rumor going around that CHRIS BROWN proposed to his girlfriend. It's not true. (Full Story)

KHLOE KARDASHIAN admits that she looks "massive" next to her sisters. (Full Story)

Would you like to see video of the rehearsals for the royal wedding procession? Would you like to explain to me WHY??? (Video)

Some psychic who was supposedly friends with ELIZABETH TAYLOR claims that Liz had a daughter out of wedlock years ago, and gave her up. Liz was never sure who the father was, and the girl . . . who grew up in Ireland . . . resented Liz for giving her up and never wanted anything to do with her. (Full Story)

GARY BUSEY has joined the cast of the "Piranha 3D" sequel . . . which has been creatively titled "Piranha 3DD". So far he's the most famous person in it. (Full Story)

The RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS expect to have their next album in stores this August. It'll be their first disc since "Stadium Arcadium" in 2006. (Full Story)

There Are Now Four Cars That Cost $100 To Fill Up:

The average gas price nationwide is now $3.80. And at that level, there are actually four cars that will cost you more than $100 to fill up . . --The Ford Expedition, the Cadillac Escalade ESV, the Chevrolet Suburban, and the Toyota Sequoia. All four have tanks that can hold more than 26 gallons. --The Expedition has the biggest tank on the market, at 33.5 gallons . . . so if you wanted to fill up, at the current average gas price you'd drop $127. --If the gas price makes it up to $4.50 . . . which it really could this summer . . . it'll also cost at least $100 to fill up the Jeep Grand Cherokee, Audi A8, Mercedes-Benz S550, and the BMW X5. --On the other end of things, for a fill-up on a Toyota Prius to hit $100, gas would have to hit $8.40 a gallon. The Prius only has an 11.9-gallon tank. --For a Honda Civic fill-up to cost $100, gas would have to hit $7.57. (Yahoo Autos)

There's a 40% Chance Your Mom Thinks You're Going To Act All Needy On Mother's Day:

You can be NEEDY and demand that your mom drop everything and pay attention to you 364 days out of the year. On Mother's Day, how about you jam your narcissism in your pocket and just take the day off? --According to a new survey, about 40% of mothers believe that even on Mother's Day, their children or husband are going to act so needy that she'll have to put them first. --12% of mothers are POSITIVE that it's going to happen and believe their needs won't even make the radar on Mother's Day. --An older study found that moms spend 400% more time taking care of their kids than their husbands . . . and 30% said they don't even get 10 minutes of being honored on Mother's Day. (PR Newswire)

Starbucks Has Passed Burger King and Wendy's To Become America's Third-Largest Chain:

The era of burger and French fry dominance is OVER. We're a soy latte and caramel macchiato country now, my friends. --According to sales data from 2010, STARBUCKS is now the country's third-largest chain restaurant. --McDonald's held on to its eternal spot as number one. Subway is number two. --For the past several decades, the top three in sales has always gone McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's. But over the last ten years, the burger-and-fry culture started slipping . . . as sandwiches and coffee started making huge gains. --Subway entered the top two about five years ago, and in 2009, the top five went McDonald's, Subway, Burger King, Wendy's, Starbucks. Last year, Starbucks finally cracked the top three. --In 2010, McDonald's did $32.4 BILLION in sales. Subway came in second and did less than ONE-THIRD of what McDonald's did, with $10.6 BILLION in sales. Starbucks did $9.07 BILLION. --The top 10 chains in the U.S. based on 2010 sales are: McDonald's, Subway, Starbucks, Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Dunkin' Donuts, Pizza Hut, KFC, and Sonic. (Ad Age)

For the First Time Ever, More Women Have Advanced Degrees Than Men:

Women are smarter than men! Either that, or women are more scared of trying to get jobs than men and want to hide in school for longer. But that's condescending and cynical. So let's go with the whole "women are smarter" thing. --According to new Census data, for the first time ever, there are more women with advanced degrees than men. There are 10.6 million American women with master's degrees or higher, versus 10.5 million men. --Women also have more bachelor's degrees . . . 20.1 million versus 18.7 million. And women ALSO have more high school diplomas. --BUT . . . even with more education up and down the board, there's still the old pay gap between men and women. Women now make 78.2% of what men earn . . . that's actually up from 64% ten years ago. (Time)

Women With High-Powered Jobs Are Just as Likely To Have Affairs as Men:

Women are getting more education, better jobs, and higher salaries than ever. That's the good news. The bad news? Once they get all those achievements, they go ahead and cheat on you by humping the FedEx guy in the supply closet. --In a new study out of Tilburg University in the Netherlands, researchers found that women with high-powered managerial and executive jobs were JUST as likely to have affairs as men with similar jobs. --Dr. Joris Lammers led the study. He says, quote, "We found that among powerful people, gender made no difference in . . . their desire to cheat." With more women in power it's, quote, "almost inevitable" they'll be increasingly unfaithful. (Express)

Here Are the Names That Make You Most Likely To Be a CEO:

Want your next child to grow up to be a CEO? Or, are you wondering if you're CEO material? Well . . . it could all be connected to your name. --LinkedIn wanted to figure out which names are most commonly associated with being the CEO of a company, so they studied data from all their users . . . which is basically every businessperson in the world. --For men, the most common CEO name is . . . PETER. The rest of the top five are: Bob, Jack, Bruce, and Fred. --For women, the most common CEO name is . . . DEBORAH. The rest of the top five goes: Sally, Debra, Cynthia, and Carolyn. --The study also found the most common names for people in law enforcement, human resources, and athletics. --For law enforcement, the top five is Billy, Darrell, Pete, Rodney, and Troy. For HR, it's Emma, Katie, Claire, Jennifer, and Natalie. And for athletics, it's Ryan, Matt, Jessica, Matthew, and Jason. --The study also found that the overwhelming majority of CEOs have names that are three, four, or five letters long. Most salespeople have four-letter names . . . engineers have six-letter names . . . and restaurant owners have the longest names. (Mashable)

Two Half-Brothers From Massachusetts Never Knew Each Other Existed . . . Until They Randomly Met On a Beach In Hawaii:

I don't think I've ever heard a random coincidence more incredible than this. -On April 18th, Richard Hill of Lunenburg, Massachusetts and his family were on vacation in Waikiki Beach in Hawaii. They were at the beach outside their hotel, taking a family photo, when an employee offered to take their picture. --The employee was 38-year-old Joe Parker. When he talked, Richard recognized that he had a Massachusetts accent, and asked him where he was from. Joe said Lunenburg. So Richard and Joe started seeing if they had any mutual friends. --Joe asked Richard if he knew a guy named Dickie Halligan. Richard said, quote, "That's my father." And Joe responded that Dickie Halligan was HIS father too. --It turns out Joe and Richard are half-brothers. They had never met. They never knew each other existed. And they met randomly on a beach in Hawaii. --Their father died in 2002, so obviously they couldn't really get any more details from him. Since they found out they were brothers, Richard and his family have spent every day with Joe in Hawaii. (Worcester Telegram)

A Woman Couldn't Figure Out Why She Looked Nine Months Pregnant . . . And it Turned Out She Had a 21-Pound Cyst:

41-year-old Jane Alexander of Fife, Scotland knew she wasn't pregnant. But she couldn't understand why her belly made it look like she was. --She had the baby bump of a woman who was nine months pregnant, with fairly big twins or one GIGANTIC BABY. --She tried for a year to lose weight, but her belly just kept getting bigger. She joined Weight Watchers, dieted, walked several miles a day . . . but she still kept gaining weight. Finally, she went to the doctor. --And Jane got her answer. She had a 21-POUND CANCEROUS CYST on her ovaries. --Fortunately, they caught it just in time, and surgically removed it before the cancer could spread. --The cyst was more than 15 INCHES across. Once it was removed, Jane dropped from a size 18 to a size 12. (Scotland Daily Record)

A Woman Has Sued After Finding Out the Man She Fell In Love With On the Internet was Really a Bored Woman On the Other Side of the Country:

Here's why you should NEVER, EVER fully believe what someone tells you online. People out there are SICK, BORED, and CRAZY. --In 2005, Paula Bonhomme of Los Angeles, California met a man in a chat room about the HBO show "Deadwood". His name was Jesse Jubilee James and he was a firefighter in Colorado. --They started talking every day, and sent letters, photos, and even gifts to each other. Basically, they fell in love. Jesse even sent Paula a piece of wood from a fire with their initials carved into it. --Paula was unhappy in her marriage, and decided to leave her husband to move to Colorado and be with Jesse. Then, he died unexpectedly of liver cancer. Paula was devastated, and his family reached out to Paula to console her. --About seven months later, Paula's friends started digging into Jesse's story and found out the truth. HE DIDN'T EXIST. Neither did his family members. The entire thing was a giant hoax by a woman named Janna St. James in Batavia, Illinois. --Janna made all the gifts herself. She used a voice changer to have phone calls with Paula. She created fake email accounts, back stories, everything. --And after all this . . . Paula decided to SUE Janna for fraudulent misrepresentation. Not only did Paula spend about $10,000 on gifts that went to Janna, but Janna manipulated her, tortured her, and led her to end her marriage. --An appeals court decided that Paula DOES have the right to sue over what Janna did, so the lawsuit will now move forward. There's no word on what Paula is seeking in the suit. (Chicago Tribune)
A Man Is Able To Stop a Car Thief . . . Even After Getting Run Over By His Own Car:

Never, ever mess with a man's Buick. It's not a Ford Focus. People take their Buicks seriously. --On Saturday afternoon, 36-year-old Timothy Ray of Des Moines, Iowa was at work at a tire store called Graham Tire. He spotted a man hanging around in the parking lot . . . then watched as the guy broke into his Buick and drove off. --So Timothy took off after the thief. He stood in front of the car to try to get the thief to stop . . . but the guy just RAN TIMOTHY OVER. --And here's where the story takes its glorious BADASS turn. Timothy got up, shook off the pain of being hit by a car . . . and kept on running after his Buick. --The thief crashed into a fence and a utility pole, then tried to run. Timothy tracked him down, tackled him, and put him in a headlock and a choke hold until the cops arrived. --The thief was 18-year-old Robert Reynolds of West Des Moines, and the police arrested him for first-degree theft, interference with official acts, assault with intent to inflict serious injury, and six counts of hit-and-run. --As for Timothy, he says he's still sore. Quote, "he got me in the knee and I rolled my ankle." He's also disappointed that his car was totaled in the crash . . . but he still managed not to miss a day of work. (Des Moines Register)


A Woman Hires a Hitman To Kill Her Husband . . . Then Says It Was All a Hoax To Try To Land Them a Reality Show:

30-year-old Dalia Dippolito of Boynton Beach, Florida is on trial right now for hiring a hitman to KILL HER HUSBAND. And she's using a defense strategy we've never heard before. --She says people have got it all wrong: She didn't REALLY want a hitman to off her husband . . . she and her husband are REALITY TV JUNKIES and the whole thing was a hoax to get them a show. --Unfortunately for Dalia, her husband Mike isn't saying the same thing. He testified that he was SHOCKED to discover that his wife was trying to have him killed after six months of marriage. --Dalia DOES have a reality show history. She once appeared on an episode of "The Jamie Kennedy Experiment" that featured a fake hitman . . . and cameras from "COPS" recorded her talking to an undercover cop she thought was a hitman. --Dalia is facing charges of solicitation to commit first-degree murder. (ABC News) (--After Dalia hired an undercover cop to murder her husband, they finished their sting by telling her that her husband had been killed. Here's a video of the cops telling her that, and her faking a meltdown.)

A Robbery Suspect Escapes From a Police Station . . . While Handcuffed To a Chair:

The police in Buffalo had to put out a fairly awkward APB on Tuesday. Robbery suspect on the loose . . . 58 years old . . . black male . . . oh, and he's HANDCUFFED to one of the chairs from the station. --On Tuesday, 58-year-old John Caesar of Buffalo was arrested for allegedly stealing money from a place called Anchor Bar. (--Anchor Bar in Buffalo is famous for being the place where Buffalo wings were invented.) --The police cuffed John to a chair at the station. And somehow . . . he escaped. With the chair. In broad daylight. --They went on a manhunt for him. --John was finally caught yesterday morning. He'd found a way to get himself freed from the chair. (Buffalo News)


Stupid News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Turning 100 is no big deal anymore: The population of 100-year-olds in the U.S. has doubled in the last 20 years, to around 72,000. And by 2020, it could be seven times that. (Full Story)

Two landscapers in Connecticut got into an argument on Tuesday . . . and it ended with one dude attacking another with a weed whacker. The victim was hospitalized with a head injury, and the attacker was arrested for second degree assault. (Full Story)

Two cousins in Florida got in a fight Sunday night over which character on the HBO show "Game of Thrones" was going to 'win.' They started arguing, and one cousin got thrown into a window. The other cousin was arrested for battery. (--What a stupid fight! Everyone knows the Lannisters of Casterly Rock will win.) (Full Story)

A 21-year-old driver accidentally drove off the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, fell 200 feet, lodged his car against a tree, and climbed back up to safety. (Full Story)

The University of Nebraska might start charging Engineering majors higher tuition than English majors . . . because they earn more after graduation. (Full Story)

A guy in Connecticut with 45 previous robbery arrests added a 46th last Friday: He rode up to a Dunkin Donuts drive thru on his bicycle, threatened an employee, pedaled off with a drawer holding $321, and almost collided with a cop nearby responding to another call. He was arrested. (Full Story)

The FAA is reviving a program they discontinued after 9/11 for air traffic controllers. You know . . . the guys who keep falling asleep on the job. It's a program where they get to ride in the cockpit to see what it's like to be a pilot. (Full Story)

A senior member of Al-Qaeda held at Guantanamo Bay reportedly took injections "to promote impotence" . . . to avoid being "distracted" by women. (Full Story)


#1.) The Spokesman for Empire Carpet Has Died at Age 89:

ELMER LYNN HAULDREN died on Tuesday at the age of 89. He was the spokesman for Empire Carpet since 1973, and played the 'Empire Man' in dozens of commercials He also wrote the famous jingle. (--Search YouTube for "Empire Carpet Commercial 1986.")

#2.) A Cop Punched a Woman in the Face While Breaking up a Fight at an IHOP in Atlanta:

In today's installment of police brutality: A cop in Atlanta got into it with a woman at an International House of Pancakes . . . then punched her in the FACE. And as always, someone got it on video and posted it on YouTube. --It starts with the cop manhandling the woman's friend. Then the woman grabs his arm and he SLAPS her. So she starts swinging, and he clocks her with a right cross. Then, as you'd expect, he and another cop throw her to the ground and cuff her. --To be fair, the girl seems WASTED, and according to reports, she was screaming and refusing to leave the restaurant, even before the cops got there. But when you see the video, it seems like the cop didn't NEED to punch her in the face. He just WANTED to. --Atlanta police are now 'investigating' to see if he used excessive force. (--Search for "Atlanta IHOP Breakfast Brutality." The punch happens at :07, then there's a slow-mo version.) --WARNING: This video includes the F-word.)

#3.) A Baseball Player Tried to Make a Catch Ten Feet Short of the Wall . . . But the Ball Bounced Off His Glove and Went Over for a Homerun:

Detroit Tigers outfielder RYAN RABURN has been having defensive issues all season. But this is something special: -In Tuesday's game against the Seattle Mariners, Raburn tried to make a somewhat routine catch at the warning track in left field, but the ball bounced off his glove and went over the fence for a homerun. --This type of play isn't really that rare, and it happened most notably in 1993 when a ball bounced off JOSE CANSECO'S HEAD. --But this one was different, because if Raburn hadn't touched it, the ball would have landed about ten feet short of the wall. (--Search for "Raburn Is Terrible." It happens at :07, but the best view is at :38.)

#4.) A Kid Tried to Do a Backflip Off a Piece of Playground Equipment . . . And Something Unexpected Happened:

It seems like half the videos on YouTube are of idiots trying to do back flips and failing. But every now and then something special comes along that just can't be ignored. --There's a new one of a kid trying to do a back flip off a piece of playground equipment. But when he jumps, the board he's standing on breaks, and he ends up falling six or seven feet and landing hard on his back. --Honestly, the sound of him hitting the ground is the worst part. (--Search for "Funny Backflip Fail TIWYJ.")
Moms Don’t Come First On Mother’s Day

According to a recent study by The Mom Complex, 40% of American mothers feel their husband and children come first on Mother’s Day – the one day of the year most would agree they should come first. A staggering 12% of moms don’t feel they even make the list on Mother’s Day. And while moms spend an average of 400% more time taking care of the kids than their husbands, according to Newsweek, 30% said they were honored for no more than 5-10 minutes on Mother’s Day, The Mom Complex study found. Think you’ve got the perfect gift for Mom? Think again. The survey also found that moms long for time off from mom duties, time off from housework and appreciate the time it takes to create a homemade gift or card:

•57% of moms want time off or away from day-to-day life (time to themselves, pampering, break from housework) while only 12% received this last year.

•42% of moms want handmade or homemade gestures (handwritten letter, homemade gift or meal) while only 28% received this type of gift last year.


Bad Mother’s Day Gifts

American husbands and kids aren’t the only ones who drop the ball on Mother’s Day. According to a survey by Ipsos Reid, on behalf of Christian Children’s Fund of Canada, approximately 35% of mothers polled have received a terrible Mother’s Day gift in their lifetime. Here are some of the “worst gifts” moms say they’ve received:

A garbage can Car mats
A frog Beer
A lawnmower Dish cloths
Wheelbarrow “Wildly oversized” track pants
A card that said “You’re just like a mother to me”


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