Friday, April 29, 2011



Kate Middleton Probably Signed a Prenup . . . But She Did Not Promise to "Obey" Prince William:

Hopefully, the frenzy over the royal wedding will finally subside next week. But before we turn our backs on it completely, there are a few loose ends to tie up . . . --First of all, it's probably likely that KATE MIDDLETON signed a prenuptial agreement. The royal family won't admit it, but most experts agree it would have been foolish for the royals not to require it. --Interestingly enough, when PRINCE WILLIAM'S parents, PRINCE CHARLES and LADY DIANA, got married in 1981, THEY didn't have a prenup. --Of course that's because prenuptial agreements weren't legally recognized by British courts back then. --Technically, there's still no law on the books in the U.K. to recognize them. But in a decision last year, Britain's Supreme Court ruled that they CAN be enforced in certain cases . . . and that'll probably be made official in the next year or so. --Here's one way in which William and Kate's wedding resembled Charles and Diana's: The word "obey" was left out of the vows. Instead, Kate promised to, quote, "Love, comfort, honor and keep" William. --Two BILLION viewers are expected to watch the wedding around the world. (--You can suck down some other insane numbers regarding the wedding here.)

Royal Randoms:

#1.) Check out the picture of William and Kate from their wedding program. (Photo)

#2.) A lot of people are trying to cash in by selling gaudy royal wedding merchandise . . . including William and Kate TOILET PAPER. (Check some of them out here and here.)

#3.) Remember MORRISSEY from the '80s band THE SMITHS? I can guarantee you he didn't get caught up in wedding fever. He says, quote, "I do seriously believe that [the Royals] are benefit scroungers, nothing else. I don't believe they serve any purpose whatsoever." (Full Story)

#4.) Royal embarrassment SARAH FERGUSON . . . a.k.a. The Duchess of York . . . was not only not invited to the wedding, she was told to stay out of the public all day. A source says, quote, "They have basically told her to disappear and not be any distraction to the big day." (Full Story)

#5.) A 29-year-old plumber from Bristol, England spent more than $1,600 to have decals of William and Kate put on his front teeth. (???) They'll last about three months. (Full Story)

Katy Perry Is Suing an Australian Tabloid for Claiming She Had an Affair with a Music Producer:

KATY PERRY is suing an Australian tabloid called "NW" for claiming that she cheated on husband RUSSELL BRAND with a music producer. --The tabloid said Katy messed around with producer Benny Blanco while he mixed "California Gurls". One of the problems with the story, however, is that Blanco didn't produce "California Gurls". --In her lawsuit, Katy says she has been, quote, "gravely injured in her reputation and feelings [and] has suffered distress, embarrassment and humiliation" as a result of the article. There's no word how much she's asking for.

January Jones from "Mad Men" is Pregnant . . . No Word on the Father:

JANUARY JONES from "Mad Men" is pregnant and due sometime next fall. She's 33 years old. This will be the first child for January and . . . well, we don't know who. --There's no word on the father . . . but whoever he is, they're apparently not dating. A "source" said, quote, "She's really looking forward to this new chapter of her life as a single mom." --There's no word if the pregnancy will affect January's character, Betty Draper. (--Betty hits movie screens June 3rd as Emma Frost in "X-Men: First Class".)

Lindsay Lohan Might Teach Acting to Homeless Women:

LINDSAY LOHAN has already registered for her community service, because wanted to start serving her 360 hours at the Downtown Women's Center in L.A. THIS WEEK. But she was told she has to wait until next week. --There's no word yet what Lindsay will be doing, but officials at the Women's Center have said they like to pick a job that, quote, "fits the skills of the person doing community service." --With that in mind, there's a theater workshop at the Center called D.I.V.A.S . . . which stands for Dames Investing in Very Authentic Storytelling . . . and they're lobbying for her "talents". --D.I.V.A.S includes about 15 women who meet for two hours a week to learn how to express themselves through various forms of performance. They want Lindsay to help teach acting. --Lindsay was sentenced to 480 hours of community service for violating her DUI probation. The other 120 will be spent doing janitorial work at a morgue. -Lindsay was also ordered to spend four months behind bars, but she's free on bail while she appeals that part of her sentence.

Donald Trump Has the Support of Legendary Acting Superstar Joey Lawrence!

Step aside MITT ROMNEY. There's absolutely no doubt that DONALD TRUMP will be the Republican presidential candidate in 2012 . . . now that he's picked up an endorsement from LEGENDARY ACTING SUPERSTAR JOEY LAWRENCE! --Joey says, quote, "I'd be open to Donald. He's somebody out of the box and I think that some of the stuff he's saying makes sense." --"I'm tired of 'so politically correct' every step of the way. It's like there are times when we need to say, 'We're getting our rear ends kicked, we are the world leader, we need to step up and act like it.'" --He adds, quote, "I think Donald is an interesting character. He's an amazing CEO, this is a business. --"This is a business, running this country is a business and it has not been run the last decade the right way, whether it's Republican or Democrat, so it's not really a party issue, it's more of a person issue. --"Somebody has to get in there and really hold people accountable." (--Just a thought: I wonder if we're going to start seeing low-level celebrities endorsing Trump just to kiss his ass and secure a slot on a future season of "Celebrity Apprentice".)

Donald Trump Denies He's Racist:

Not surprisingly, DONALD TRUMP is denying claims by "Face the Nation" host BOB SCHIEFFER this his demand to see PRESIDENT OBAMA'S college records is RACIST. --Trump says, quote, "That is a terrible statement for a newscaster to make. I am the last person that such a thing should be said about." --Asked if he thinks Obama's college career was aided by affirmative action, Trump said, quote, "Affirmative action is out there. It's a program that is available. But I have no idea whether it applies in this case. I'm not suggesting anything." --Oh, and then he added that HE DOESN'T REALLY CARE ANYWAY. He said, quote, "Grades are the least important aspect of somebody being president. It's not a big subject for me." (--Hypocrisy Alert: On Wednesday, when Trump was trying to goad Obama into releasing his transcripts, a reporter asked him why it mattered.) (--And he replied, quote, "EDUCATION HAS ALWAYS MEANT A LOT TO ME.") (--Here's proof.)

Jerry Seinfeld Says He "Loves" Donald Trump . . . But Only Because He's Such a Gift to Comedians:

JERRY SEINFELD is keeping his feud with DONALD TRUMP alive. -Yesterday, he told "Extra" that he LOVES Donald. But he wasn't exactly being sincere. --He said, quote, "Let me say this about Donald Trump. I love Donald Trump, all comedians love Donald Trump. --"If God gave comedians the power to invent people, the first person we would invent is Donald Trump . . . God's gift to comedy." (--Here's video.)

Could Woody Harrelson, Jeremy Piven or Bob Saget Replace Charlie Sheen on "Two and a Half Men"? Will the Show Even Come Back?

CHUCK LORRE has reportedly come up with a plan to reboot "Two and a Half Men". --It involves beefing up JON CRYER'S role and adding another actor to replace CHARLIE SHEEN. --Officially, there's no word who they might choose. But the "Hollywood Reporter" says three possibilities are WOODY HARRELSON, JEREMY PIVEN and BOB SAGET. --Here's the thing, though: There's no guarantee the show will return for a 9th season. --According to the "Hollywood Reporter", "Two and a Half Men" will, quote, "almost certainly return." But sources tell the far less-reliable TMZ there's only a 50-50 chance. --Either way, we'll have the answer by later this month, when CBS announces its schedule for next season.

Cirque du Soleil Will *Sort Of* Recreate the Neverland Ranch In Las Vegas:

The Cirque du Soleil people will recreate MICHAEL JACKSON'S Neverland Ranch in Las Vegas. Sort of. --They're building a Jackson-themed entertainment complex at the Mandalay Bay hotel and casino on the Vegas strip. It'll include a lounge, an interactive memorabilia museum and a theater designed to replicate Neverland. --The whole thing opens in 2013. --Michael's way-more-talented older brother JACKIE says, quote, "This place is going to become the home of Michael Jackson in many, many ways." --Cirque du Soleil is touring a show called "Michael Jackson: The Immortal World Tour" beginning in October.

Kristen Stewart Wishes She Could Have Puked Blood in Her "Twilight" Birth Scene:

We've heard that the birthing scene in "Breaking Dawn" is pretty intense. But at the same time, the movie is PG-13 so really, how intense could it be? --Well, KRISTEN STEWART wishes it could have been as graphic as it is in the novel. She tells "Entertainment Weekly", quote, "The birth is really effective, and I've heard it really hits you in the face. --"But what it could have been? It could have been shocking and grotesque, because that's how it was written in the book. I would have loved to have been puking up blood." --One scene Kristen thinks they got just right, though, is the consummation of the marriage. She says it, quote, "feels like a real love scene, not necessarily vampire-y, which is good." --She also enjoyed shooting the wedding itself. She says, quote, "It was one of the coolest things that I've done. There was a certain point when I walked on set, and I saw everyone from the entire cast sitting there in the pews, about to do their bit. --"And it was just so perfect for me in that moment. It was so emotional in such a real way. I literally felt like thanking them for coming." (--The new issue of "EW" has two covers: One with Kristen and ROBERT PATTINSON . . . and another with TAYLOR LAUTNER. Check 'em both out here.) (E! Onine)

Check Out a List of 95 Sequels Currently in the Works:

The website Den Of Geek has compiled a list of 95 sequels that are currently in various stages of development . . . along with a little information about each of them. --Keep in mind that a lot of these may never get made . . . but basically with each of these, somebody is at least doing something to make it happen. The list includes new installments of . . .



--"Bill & Ted"

--"Die Hard"

--"Evil Dead"


--"Green Lantern"


--"Star Trek"



(--Check out the complete list here.)

Casey Abrams Was Eliminated from "American Idol" Last Night:

CASEY ABRAMS could have been the weirdest, most uniquely talented winner in "American Idol" history. But it's not going to happen . . . and that's actually been obvious pretty much ever since America voted him out the first time. --Casey was eliminated for good last night. He was also eliminated five weeks ago, but the judges decided to use their one "save" to keep him in the competition. --Actually, Casey hasn't been in the Bottom Three since the save . . . but it never felt like he could crack the power triumverate of JAMES DURBIN, SCOTTY MCCREERY and LAUREN ALAINA. --For whatever reason, there was no Bottom Three last night. RYAN SEACREST just revealed the "safe" contestants one by one until only Casey was left.

Former "Idol" Finalist Paige Miles Almost Died on Tuesday:

Former "American Idol" finalist PAIGE MILES . . . who came in 11th place last season . . . almost DIED on Tuesday, when her SUV caught fire. --Paige was on her way home from a rehearsal, when her GMC Envoy suddenly burst into flames. On her Facebook page, she said, quote, "The electric shut down, the car doors wouldn't open, I jumped out my window and watched [it] blaze." --Fortunately, Paige escaped with only minor injuries. (--And it looks like she was pretty lucky. Check out these pictures of what the fire did to her car.) There's no explanation for what happened.

The "American Idol" Tour Dates Have Been Announced:

This summer's "American Idols Live!" tour itinerary been revealed. There will be 45 shows . . . running from July 6th in West Valley City, Utah through September 9th, in Rochester, New York. (--You can check out all the dates, here.) --Usually, the Top 10 contestants participate in the tour. But this year, they made it the Top 11 after the judges used their "save" early on CASEY ABRAMS. (--Who, by the way, was just eliminated last night.) --Aside from him, the touring Idols will be: Haley Reinhart, Jacob Lusk, James Durbin, Lauren Alaina, Naima Adedapo, Paul McDonald, Pia Toscano, Scotty McCreery, Stefano Langone and Thia Megia.

NBC Is Developing a Show Based on "The Firm":

NBC is developing a show based on the 1991 JOHN GRISHAM novel, "The Firm". --Negotiations are currently underway for a 22-episode season . . . but technically it's not a lock to make NBC's schedule this fall. Casting is also a work in progress. (--Grisham is onboard as an executive producer.) --Of course, "The Firm" was also adapted into a movie back in 1993, starring TOM CRUISE, GENE HACKMAN and JEANNE TRIPPLEHORN. There's no indication that any of them will be involved in the series. (--Since Gene Hackman's character was KILLED in the movie, we assume neither he nor his character will have anything to do with it.) --The book and movie tell the story of Mitch McDeere, a hotshot law student who's hired by a firm in Memphis that he later finds out works for the mafia. Since the only way out of the firm is DEATH, he cuts a deal with the FBI to bring them down. --The show will take place 10 years after the movie left off. According to the "Hollywood Reporter", the premise is: "Mitch McDeere just emerged from the Federal Witness Protection Program . . . but he and his family soon find their lives are still in danger." --The problem is, Mitch does NOT join the Witness Protection Program at the end of the story. So we don't know if the "Hollywood Reporter" has its facts wrong, or if the series is just fudging the details.

CBS News' Lara Logan Talks About Her Assault in Egypt on "60 Minutes":

On Sunday's "60 Minutes", CBS News correspondent LARA LOGAN will discuss the "brutal and sustained sexual assault" she endured in Egypt two months ago. (--Lara was covering the celebrations in Cairo's Tahrir Square when she was beaten and sexually abused by a large group of men before eventually being saved.) --In the interview, Lara says, quote, "There was no doubt in my mind that I was in the process of dying. I thought 'not only am I going to die, but it's going to be just a torturous death that's going to go on forever.'" --Lara says she got through it by thinking of her two young children, and she also describes how it felt to be reunited with them after returning home. --She says, quote, "I felt like I had been given a second chance that I didn't deserve, because I did that to them. I came so close to leaving them, to abandoning them." (--You can watch a preview clip, here.)

"The Oprah Winfrey Show" Will Spend Two of Its Last Three Episodes "Surprising" Oprah:

The final episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" will air on May 25th. The two episodes before that . . . on May 23rd and 24th . . . are being devoted to "surprising" Oprah. Basically, that means she won't know what's going on ahead of time. --They didn't give any more details, naturally, but it sounds like a bunch of mystery celebrity guests are going to be stopping by to congratulate Oprah. --The show's executive producer says, quote, "As most of our viewers know, being surprised is not one of Oprah's favorite things. In the spirit of our farewell season, she is making a rare exception and we intend to make the most of that opportunity."

The "Meredith Vieira Is Leaving 'Today'" Rumors Are Heating Up, and Now, She Might Be Gone in June:

Earlier this month, there was speculation that MEREDITH VIEIRA would leave the "Today" show when her contract is up in September. (--We heard she was sick of the demanding early morning hours, and wanted to spend more time with her husband, who suffers from multiple sclerosis.) --Well, the rumors are picking up steam . . . and now, it sounds like she's leaving earlier than expected. --First, a "source" tells "People" magazine, quote, "Meredith has decided she simply does not want to continue with the grind of a daily morning news show. --"This isn't about leaving to tend to her family, it's about being done with the phase of her career that requires this sort of a daily, on-air commitment. This didn't come out of the blue and is something she's talked about for some time." --Another source tells the "Hollywood Reporter" that Meredith is leaving in June . . . and an official announcement could come as early as next week. --All the rumors say "Today" newsreader Ann Curry will be promoted to co-host, and correspondent Natalie Morales will take over Ann's old job.

Friday TV Reminders:

--"CMT's Next Superstar" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CMT. (--The remaining seven contestants face "outlaw country week", which for them means that the audience members of a biker bar get to decide which one of them will be eliminated.)

--"CSI: New York" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Peter Fonda guest stars as Mac's former partner, who's being stalked by an ex-con. There are also cameos by New York Jets coach Rex Ryan and general manager Mike Tannenbaum.)

. . . And the royal wedding chaos continues . . .

--"William and Kate: The Royal Wedding Presented by TLC" . . . 5:00 to 9:00 A.M. on TLC. (--Colbie Caillat is scheduled to perform her song "I Do" after Prince William and Kate Middleton seal their marriage with a kiss. How exciting!)

--"The Royal Wedding: Modern Majesty" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Katie Couric examines the historic significance of Prince William and Kate Middleton's marriage and shares highlights from their royal wedding.)

--"Kathy Griffin's Insightful and Hilarious Take on the Royal Wedding" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on TV Guide. (--Kathy Griffin offers her analysis of the royal wedding along with her panel of guests Jackie Collins, twin comedians Randy and Jason Sklar and "Anderson Cooper 360" producer Jack Gray.)

--"Will And Kate: Road to the Altar" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on E! (--Ryan Seacrest recaps the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.)

--"20/20: A Modern Fairytale" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Barbara Walters recaps the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.)

--"Dateline NBC" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Ann Curry hosts this documentary on the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.)
Saturday TV Reminders:

--"Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 A.M. on Disney XD. (--NBA star Dwight Howard guests. And some of you might recognize "Entourage" minx Emmanuelle Chriqui as the voice of Brad's girlfriend.)

--"NASCAR: Sprint Cup in Richmond" . . . 4:00 to 8:00 P.M. Eastern on Fox.

--"Grand Ole Opry Live" . . . 7:00 to 9:00 P.M. on GAC. (--Troy Olsen, Jack Greene, Jan Howard and Restless Heart perform.)

--"Fight Camp 360: Pacquiao vs. Mosley" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"Austin City Limits" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. (--Alejandro Escovedo and Trombone Shorty perform.) (REPEAT)

--"That Metal Show" . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1 Classic. (--Sebastian Bach of Skid Row and Anvil are guests.)

--"Saturday Night Live" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. (--Dana Carvey guest hosts and Linkin Park is the musical guest.) (REPEAT)

Sunday TV Reminders:

--"Biography: Kate Middleton" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 A.M. on A&E.

--"America's Next Great Restaurant" [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC.

--"Desperate Housewives" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Susan learns Felicia Tillman is out of prison, and Bree lays down the law with Gaby's daughters before they wreck her home.)

--"Celebrity Apprentice" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--The remaining celebrity contestants stage a live hair-themed show.)

--"Law & Order: Criminal Intent" [10th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on USA.

--"Undercover Boss" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.

--"In Plain Sight" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on USA.

--"Police POV" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on TruTV.

Richie Sambora Is Heading Back to Rehab; Bon Jovi's Tour Will Go On:

Word has it that BON JOVI guitarist RICHIE SAMBORA is headed back to rehab. reports that Richie is checking into an unnamed facility "for exhaustion and to regain his sobriety." TMZ says he's "fallen off the wagon" and made the decision to get himself under control on Wednesday. --It's unclear if Richie is actually IN rehab now . . . or if he's just planning on doing it. --Late last night, Bon Jovi released a statement saying that Richie would be taking a leave of absence from the band, but they did not give a reason. --They said, quote, "Our support for Richie is absolute. He is, and will remain, a member of Bon Jovi. Although he will be absent from upcoming shows for the time being, we very much look forward to his healthy return. --"In the meantime, we will keep our commitment to our fans and continue our tour." --Bon Jovi's next show is tomorrow night in New Orleans. They have concerts scheduled in North America up to May 22nd, and a 24-date European tour after that. --There's no word on how long Richie is expected to be out, or who's replacing him on guitar. --For what it's worth, a "source" tells RadarOnline, quote, "Richie recently has been drinking too much, and wants to get his life together." (--Bon Jovi pulled in $197 million on tour last year . . . and as of last month, they'd already made $30 million this year.) --In 2007, Richie checked into the Cirque Lodge in Utah . . . and later that year, he spent some time at the UCLA Medical Center.

And Now . . . Alice Cooper Is Doing an Entire Concert as a Hologram:

ALICE COOPER . . . who's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you know . . . is planning on performing an entire concert, remotely, as a HOLOGRAM. The show will take place in London on May 11th, but he'll actually be performing in Hollywood. --It's being called the "U.K.'s first holographic 4D rock gig" . . . and this isn't the first time Alice has participated in a holographic event. Back in 1973, weirdo artist SALVADOR DALI turned his likeness into the world's first 3D holographic sculpture. (--You can see footage of that chaos, here . . . and here.)


Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

Former Miss USA SUSIE CASTILLO says she was MOLESTED during a TSA pat-down at Dallas Fort Worth Airport last week . . . and that the agent, quote, "touched my vagina four times." (Full Story)

A new trailer for "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" hit the web yesterday. The movie opens July 1st. (Full Story)

A DreamWorks visual effects artist named Young Song . . . who has worked on such classics as the "Shrek" movies, "Kung Fu Panda" and "Shark Tale" . . . faces four years in prison for shooting his neighbor's dog with a pellet gun, then beating it to death with a hammer. (Full Story)

In "Action Comics" #900, Superman will renounce his U.S. citizenship. He does it because he doesn't want to be seen as politically motivated, or as a representative of the United States government. (Full Story)

The guy who tried to attack PARIS HILTON'S boyfriend outside an L.A. courthouse the other day will spend the next 227 days behind bars. (Full Story)

STEVE CARELL taped a goodbye message to his fans in his trailer on the set of "The Office". (Video) (--And here's video of his character's exit on last night's episode.)

AKON stripped down to his tighty-whities during a gig in Florida Wednesday night . . . and looked pretty damn good. (Photos)

WHO singer ROGER DALTREY is going out with his own band to perform "Tommy". His band will actually include PETE TOWNSHEND'S brother. But Pete is totally cool with it. He says, quote, "It is wonderful to hear the way Roger and his new band re-interpret the old Who songs. I will be there in spirit, and Roger has my complete and most loving support." (Full Story)

BIG BOI from OUTKAST is working on an album with MODEST MOUSE. (Full Story)

A 24-year-old Australian man named Albert beat his 48-year-old roommate Emmanuel to death, then put his body in a shopping cart and dumped it in a creek. Why? Because Albert was playing a LIMP BIZKIT CD on Emmanuel's stereo . . . and Emmanuel told him to turn it off. Oh, and also, they were drunk. (Full Story)


If Walmart Paid Its Workers a Living Wage, It Would Cost the Average Customer 46 More Cents Each Trip:

You're not going to believe this, but working at Walmart doesn't pay very well. Most of their 1.4 million workers make minimum wage or a little over that. And even though the government says people can live on $8 or $9 an hour . . . imagine trying to support a family on that.--A new study out of the University of California, Berkeley figured out what would happen if Walmart paid all 1.4 million of their store employees a living wage . . . $12-an-hour . . . and passed 100% of the cost on to the customers. --And the answer is . . . your average bill at Walmart would go up 46 cents. That averages out to about an extra $12 per year per customer. --There's no comment from Walmart about the study. (AlterNet)

Here's a Wonderfully Stupid Theory Why Girls Like Pink and Boys Like Blue:

For God knows how long, pink has been associated with girls and blue has been associated with boys. And it's not just that those colors are imposed on them by society . . . across cultures, girls gravitate toward pink and boys gravitate toward blue. --A team at Zhejiang University in China ran a study on why the genders prefer those colors, and they have a wonderfully stupid theory. --They believe it goes back to our hunting and gathering days. Girls like pink, and also purple and red, because those were the colors of berries they'd try to gather. Boys like blue because a blue sky meant good hunting conditions. Now you know. (Daily Mail)

Scientists Discover a Brand New Life Form . . . In a Truck Stop Bathroom:

Here's a PERFECT anecdote about how FILTHY bathrooms can get at a truck stop. (--And why you should NEVER have sex in one. Take your business to the bushes behind the truck stop like the pros do.) --They're so disgusting, they can BREED NEW LIFE. In South Africa, scientists discovered a brand new life form . . . in a, quote, "filthy" bathroom at a truck stop. --The scientists found a never-before-seen order of bugs. An order is bigger than a species . . . basically, species fall into an order. The scientists say this is like discovering bats if you never knew bats existed. --The bugs are small and bright green . . . they look kind of like pear-shaped crickets . . . and they've been named Manto-phasma-todes. The scientists found six unique species in the bathroom and took some to their labs to investigate more. (Gawker)

Armadillos are Spreading Leprosy in the South?

Um . . . if you happen to see any armadillos walking around, you probably shouldn't go pet them. Or kiss them. Or even walk anywhere near them. --There's been a minor spread of LEPPROSY in the southern U.S. in the past few years, and scientists in Louisiana say they've traced it back to ARMADILLOS. And since JESUS isn't around to cure leprosy these days . . . it's best not to get it. --Armadillos are one of the few animals that can carry the bacteria that cause leprosy. If you regularly handle them, or kill them and eat their meat . . . you could start having lesions and body parts falling off. So . . . um . . . don't. (Associated Press)

In Georgia, a Woman and Her Daughters Survived One of Wednesday's Tornados By Hiding In a Tanning Bed:

During the huge storm of tornados that hit the southeast on Wednesday, one touched down in Trenton, Georgia. Lisa Rice was with her two daughters at her tanning salon at the time, and she knew they needed to hide somewhere. --So Lisa and her two daughters all got into a tanning bed, pulled down the lid, and waited. Finally, when it sounded like the wind had died down, they got out. --A BRICK WALL of the salon was knocked down by the tornado while they were in the tanning bed, but fortunately none of them were hurt. (NBC 3 - Chattanooga, Tennessee)

People On Long Trips Miss Sleeping In Their Own Bed More Than They Miss Their Family:

When someone's getting toward the end of a long trip, it seems like you always hear them say, "I miss sleeping in my own bed." And it's true . . . a survey found that IS what they miss the most. --Way more than they miss their family. --In a survey of more than 2,000 adults, the number one thing that people say they miss when they travel is their own bed. Number two is their family. Perfect.

--Here's the full top 10:

#1.) Their own bed

#2.) Family

#3.) Pets

#4.) Internet

#5.) Daily routine

#6.) Regular food and drink

#7.) Friends

#8.) Their own kitchen

#9.) Tap water

#10.) Their own shower (

A Guy Is Suing a Strip Club . . . Because He Passed Out and They Kept Giving Him Lap Dances:

Back in November, 56-year-old Mark Gold of Miami was at the Gold Rush strip club and he got DRUNK. --In fact, Mark says, the club served him so many drinks that he PASSED OUT in his chair. --And when that happened, even though he was out cold, they kept bringing drinks to his table . . . strippers kept on giving lap dances to his passed-out carcass . . . and most importantly, the club kept charging his credit card. --Eventually he sobered up a little bit and went home. But when he checked his credit card statement, he found out the Gold Rush had charged him $18,930 for his night. --And now . . . he's SUING. --The lawsuit says that the club, quote, "knowingly caused plaintiff's irrational state of mind, continued to ply him with liquor in order to charge his credit card excessive amounts." --The lawsuit doesn't break down exactly how much liquor and exactly how many lap dances Mark got while he was passed out. --In the suit, he's demanding that the club refund his money. (Miami New Times)


A 51-Year-Old Woman Is Arrested on Easter For Trying To Get a Prostitute For Her 80-Year-Old Father:

Sure, this woman may've ended up in jail . . . and sure, this isn't a TRADITIONAL family Easter celebration . . . but I still think it's kind of awesome. --On Easter, 51-year-old Pia Kirchberg was arrested for soliciting a prostitute . . . for her 80-year-old father. --Pia and her father, Maurice, were both in Tampa, visiting from Dubuque, Iowa. And on Easter, apparently Maurice was feeling especially lonely and really wanted some SEXUAL COMPANIONSHIP. --There's no word on what happened to his wife . . . whether she divorced him, she passed away, or something else. --But Pia took pity on her father and they went to an area of Tampa known for its street squish to find him some companionship. Pia flagged down a prostitute and offered her $20 to have sex with her dad. --Unfortunately for Pia and Maurice, the prostitute was an undercover cop. And both Pia and Maurice were arrested for soliciting a prostitute. (ABC 28 - Tampa)

Shocker: The Guy Running a Coin-Operated Tanning Booth Out of His Barn Was Secretly Videotaping Naked Women:

Here's a real shocker. When you go to a coin-operated tanning bed that a chubby guy with a handlebar mustache set up in his BARN . . . would you suspect anything sketchy? Apparently, the women of Starke, Florida didn't. --47-year-old Doyce Dean Griffis ran the coin-op tanning bed out of his barn. And naturally, he was secretly videotaping women as they used it. --Griffis was arrested on Tuesday for voyeurism and illegally manufacturing pornography. --In an interview at the jail, Griffis said, quote, "I just like to look at pretty girls naked. And it got to a point where it got out of hand. [But] the recordings were strictly for me." --The police got involved after two women called to say they believed Griffis was secretly recording women in his self-serve barn tanning salon. It cost $2 for 20 minutes of tanning and Griffis has been running it for over a decade. --What tanners didn't know was that there was a one-way mirror in the barn . . . they thought they were looking at their reflection, but really Griffis was behind the mirror, filming. (Gainesville Sun)

A Man Walks Into Walmart Dressed as a Cow . . . And Steals 26 Gallons of Milk:

On Tuesday night, an unidentified 18-year-old walked into a Walmart in Garrisonville, Virginia dressed as a cow. And he fully committed to the costume . . . walking on all fours and mooing. --He hoofed it back into the grocery area . . . put 26 gallons of MILK in a cart . . . and proceeded to walk out of the Walmart without paying for them. (--I mean . . . what ELSE would a guy dressed in a cow suit steal?) --Somehow, even though he was clearly making a MASSIVE scene with his cow charade, he was able to successfully shoplift the milk and get away. --Afterward, witnesses reported that he was, quote, "skipping down the sidewalk" passing out jugs of stolen milk to people on the street. --The cops reported to the scene and found him in a McDonald's. --Sadly, a sheriff's department spokesman says they don't have any surveillance video of the theft. (Inside NoVa)

A Teacher Walks Naked Through a School After-Hours Talking Crazy . . . Quite Possibly Because He Was a Vegan Who Just Ate Taco Bell:

31-year-old Harlan Porter was a teacher at B.C. Haynie Elementary School in Georgia. He found out recently that, sadly, like a lot of teachers around this screwed up country, his contract hadn't been renewed for next year. --And it seems that may've sent Harlan into MADNESS. -Last week, around 3:20 P.M., Harlan was walking around the school NAKED, telling other teachers that he'd achieved, quote, "a new level of enlightenment" and, quote, "wanted everybody to be free now that [his] third eye is open." --Thankfully, it was after-hours and there were no students there. That's great for two reasons. One, it spared the kids a traumatic experience. Two, it spared Harlan from potentially serious charges and sex offender status. --Harlan has a history with new-age spirituality and philosophy, so all of the "third eye" talk wasn't unexpected. (--Although talking about your third eye when your junk's hanging out is great.) --Other teachers told the cops that Harlan is a strict vegan and doesn't do drugs or drink alcohol . . . he doesn't even drink soda. --BUT . . . that day, as part of his meltdown, they saw him drinking soda and eating TACO BELL for lunch. The police wouldn't speculate whether the Taco Bell led to his body and mind getting thrown out of whack. --Harlan was arrested for public indecency and indecent exposure. (The Smoking Gun)

A Domestic Violence Suspect Runs From the Scene . . . Right Into a Huge Police Training Session:

On Wednesday, 21-year-old Domonique Loggins of Joliet, Illinois was in the car with his 20-year-old girlfriend when they started arguing over some cigarettes. Things escalated, and he's an a-hole, so he PUNCHED HER in the mouth. --They were right by a police station, so she got out of the car to run inside and report the domestic violence to the cops. Loggins got out of the car, TOOK OFF on foot, and ran into a park. --AND . . . it just so happened that he ran smack into the middle of a police training session at that park. There were at least 60 cops there. --The cops there were being trained on, quote, "being prepared for any situation." --When they saw Loggins running . . . and a few other cops chasing him . . . ALL of the cops jumped into action. Apparently, they WERE prepared for THIS situation. --They easily took down Loggins. --He was arrested and charged with domestic battery and escaping from police. (Chicago Sun-Times)


Stupid News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

According to the birth certificate the White House just released, the obstetrician in Honolulu who delivered PRESIDENT OBAMA was Dr. David Sinclair. He died in 2003, and he delivered a lot of babies in his time, so he himself never realized that he'd delivered Obama. And his widow and his family just found out on Wednesday. (Full Story)

Police in North Carolina busted a guy for possession of crack . . . after they pulled him over for driving his moped while LYING DOWN. (Full Story)

Bookstores and the publishing world are struggling because of eBooks, so an author in New York opened a bookstore that only sells one book . . . his own.
(Full Story)

Stupid Trend of the Day: Why not get a 'Monkeytail Beard'? It's a beard that only goes down one side of your face . . . under your chin . . . and then curls up and around your mouth along your upper lip. Actually, it looks more like a wave than a monkey tail. Everybody's doing it! But not really. (Full Story)


#1.) Check Out "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger" . . . With Original Narration by Randall?

Some guy took a National Geographic video about the honey badger, and added his own hilarious, profanity-laced narration in the style of the 'Jerky Boys'. Check it out on YouTube at "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger (Original Narration by Randall)". (--WARNING: This video includes the F-word and the S-word.)

#2.) And Now . . . A Dog Playing Piano and Howling Along to the Music:

There's a YouTube video of a dog named Tucker playing the piano and howling along. According to the description, he does it three or four times a day, which would get annoying REALLY fast, since he's not exactly Rowlf the Dog from "The Muppet Show". (--Search for "Tucker the Piano Dog.")

The Top Five Reasons Women Can't Stand Nice Guys:

Women always claim they want to date a "nice" guy. But everyone knows that "bad boys" get more action . . . unless you're in line for the throne of England. --So the website came up with a list of reasons why women can't stand nice guys. Here are the top five.

#1.) Because Nice Guys Aren't Real. If you're TOO nice, women won't trust you because you'll seem like you're faking it. "Bad boys" might treat a woman like crap . . . but at least they're genuine about it. (???)

#2.) Because Women Don't Respect Them. Nice guys will do ANYTHING for a girl, but women won't respect you 100% if they know they can control everything you do. And if they don't respect you, they won't be attracted to you.

#3.) Because Nice Guys Are Too Predictable. It's the same for men and women: If the person you're with is exciting in some way, you're more likely to be into them. And bad boys tend to be more exciting.

#4.) A Fear of Intimacy. Yes, some women have it too. And nice guys tend to want a commitment at some point. But if a woman's afraid of intimacy, she'll tend to go for a guy she doesn't see herself marrying.

#5.) Because Women Want Someone They Can Take Care Of. Nice guys don't need too much fixing. But bad boys usually do, so they become a project. --And women think that if they can create the perfect man, he'll never leave them. Although as we all know, that strategy tends to backfire.


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