Wednesday, March 23, 2011



Chris Brown Had a Tantrum After His "Good Morning America" Interview . . . Because They Asked Him About Rihanna:

CHRIS BROWN had a temper tantrum after his appearance on "Good Morning America" yesterday, because interviewer ROBIN ROBERTS asked him about his assault of RIHANNA back in February of 2009. --After the interview, Brown performed one song . . . (--He was scheduled to do two) . . . then stormed back to his dressing room, grabbed a chair and smashed a window with it, sending shattered glass to the sidewalk below. --Sources say Chris went pretty ballistic . . . to the point where his yelling and screaming even frightened some staffers, who called security. He also got in a producer's face, but other people stepped in and kept them from throwing down. --By the time security arrived, Brown had already stormed out of the building. Shirtless. In 40-degree weather. (--Here are some pictures of Chris shirtless, along with a shot of the window he broke.) --Later that morning, Chris was all smiles at a nearby art gallery. (--You can see video here.) --Brown went to "GMA" to talk about his new album, "F.A.M.E.", but Roberts kept trying to steer the conversation toward Rihanna. --Chris told her, quote, "It's not really a big deal to me now, as far as that situation. I think I'm past that in my life. Today's the album day, so that's what I'm focused on." --When she pushed him further, he said, quote, "I've been focusing on this album. I think this album is what I want people to hear and want people to really get into. -"Definitely this album is what I want to talk about and not what happened two years ago." --An ABC source claims that before the interview, Chris gave Roberts the green light to ask him about Rihanna. --But another source says he expected to be asked ONE QUESTION about the incident, and not be pressed the way he was. (--Check out the interview here. You can tell he gets a little annoyed, but he doesn't seem THAT annoyed.) --After the whole thing went down, Chris hit up Twitter and said, quote, "I'm so over people bringing up the past (crap) up!!! Yet we praise Charlie Sheen and other celebs for their bull(crap)." --But then he deleted that post, and added two more. First he said, quote, "Thank you to everyone who supports my music!!! Key Word (music)!!! Love y'all." --Then he added, quote, "All my fans!!! This album is for you and only you!!! I'm so tired of everyone else!! I love team breezy!!" --ABC issued a brief statement saying, quote, "As always, we ask questions that are relevant and newsworthy, and that's what we did in this interview with Mr. Brown."

Is Chris Brown in Any Legal Trouble?

CHRIS BROWN was sentenced to FIVE YEARS' probation for his assault of Rihanna in February of 2009. For you non-math majors, that means he's still got more than three years to go. (--He didn't accept the plea deal until June.) --That also means that if he gets into any legal trouble before those three years are up, they could haul him in on a probation violation. Which would lead to further punishment . . . possibly even jail time. --But it doesn't look like that'll happen. The official line from the NYPD is that they weren't called, so they're not getting involved in Chris's "Good Morning America" window-breaking outburst. --And if they don't get involved, it's not likely that court officials in California will do anything about it, either. --However . . . he could lose another ABC gig . . . and this one would put him in front of a lot more viewers than "Good Morning America". --Chris is scheduled to perform on "Dancing With the Stars" next Tuesday night. But fans are lighting up the message boards at, asking them to cancel his appearance. --There's no word yet if they're going to listen.

Check Out Chris Brown's New Video:

After the chaos that went down behind the scenes at "Good Morning America", CHRIS BROWN canceled an appearance on MTV to debut his new video, "Beautiful People". But they debuted the clip anyway. (--You can watch it here.)

Ellen DeGeneres Confronted Selena Gomez, Because Selena Lied Last Year and Told Ellen That Justin Bieber Was Like a Little Brother to Her:

When SELENA GOMEZ was on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" last September, Ellen tried to press her about her relationship with JUSTIN BIEBER. And Selena told her, quote, "He's little. He's like my little brother. That's weird to me." --Well, Selena can't deny the relationship anymore. So when she returned to "Ellen" yesterday, Ellen put her on the spot . . . and even played the clip where Selena makes sort of a disgusted face at the end of her denial. --She said, quote, "He's like your little brother? . . . What do you have to say now?" --When Ellen joked that Selena made a fool of her, Selena said, quote, "No, I really didn't . . . I promise you, I didn't. He's just sweet." --Ellen replied, quote, "He is. He's sweet as can be. But he's not like your little brother, is he?" --Selena told Ellen, quote, "I didn't lie to you. I didn't, though. I'll say that." --To which Ellen replied, quote, "No, you didn't BLATANTLY lie. But a little brother is not someone you want to date." --And Selena said, quote, "Well, no. That would be weird." (--Check out the amusing video here.)

Did Paris Hilton Go Out With Vin Diesel . . . Then Drop Him When She Realized He Was Part Black?

PARIS HILTON has often been rumored to be a RACIST . . . and she's even been caught on camera using the N-WORD. --Well, now there's a new book that supposedly backs that up. It's called "Everyone Loves You When You're Dead". It's a Hollywood tell-all by an author (slash) journalist named Neil Strauss . . . who spent a lot of time partying with celebrities back in the day. --Strauss claims that he partied with Paris when she was 18 . . . which would have been about 12 years ago . . . and she told him that she has a ONE PERCENT RULE. In other words, if a guy is even one percent black, she won't date him. --She also told him about how she'd gone out with one of the guys from "Saving Private Ryan" the previous night. -She said, quote, "We were making out, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw he was black and made an excuse and left. --"I can't stand black guys. I would never touch one. It's gross. Does that guy look black to you?" --Strauss didn't reveal who she was talking about, but it's got to be VIN DIESEL . . . who's half-black, half-Italian . . . and has pretty light skin.

Charlie Sheen is Clean:

Remember the drug tests CHARLIE SHEEN and BROOKE MUELLER took back on March 11th? Well, they both tested CLEAN. --This should help Charlie get visits with his 2-year-old twin sons. But is reporting that he still has to undergo a mental health evaluation. --A source says, quote, "Charlie won't see the boys until he sees a psychiatrist, that is someone neutral, that hasn't previously treated him." --Although one so-called "insider" wonders why there's so much urgency on Charlie's part to be with the boys. --This person says, quote, "The fact is though that before Charlie's problems began in the last several months, he had had little or no contact with Bob and Max in the previous 16 months." (--Hey, defeat is not an option, right? That means that if somebody takes something from you . . . even if you didn't really want it in the first place . . . you go get it back.)

Did Jimmy Kimmel Cut a Sarah Silverman Diss from Charlie Sheen's Appearance the Other Night?

JIMMY KIMMEL may not have shown us everything from CHARLIE SHEEN'S surprise appearance on his show Monday night. Rumor has it he cut one thing from the segment. --Supposedly, Charlie slammed a toothbrush on Jimmy's desk and said, quote, "That whore SARAH SILVERMAN left this at my house." --Charlie probably thought Jimmy would get a kick out of that, since Sarah is Jimmy's ex. But Jimmy decided it was too insulting, so he cut it.

Lawrence Taylor is Now a Registered Sex Offender:

Legendary New York Giants linebacker LAWRENCE TAYLOR will avoid jail time for that hotel room debacle last year involving an underage prostitute. --The incident in an upstate New York hotel room last May initially resulted in charges of third-degree rape, human trafficking and endangering the welfare of a child. --But LT struck a deal earlier this year that allowed him to plead guilty to lesser misdemeanor charges of sexual misconduct and soliciting a prostitute. He was officially sentenced yesterday to six years of probation. --HOWEVER . . . he also has to register as a SEX OFFENDER. And that's for life . . . just like herpes. --Plus, for the duration of his probation, he has to meet with a drug and alcohol counselor and be in his home every night from 1:00 A.M. to 5:00 A.M. And he can't visit any porno shops or strip clubs. But he CAN pick his kids up from school. -As you may recall, the girl in question was 16 years old at the time of the incident. But when he asked her how old she was, she reportedly said 19. --She wasn't really a prostitute, either. She was a runaway. But some scumbag predator wannabe pimp sold her to Taylor for $300. She allegedly had a black eye, too, because the guy had punched her.

Gloria Allred is Repping the Girl in the Lawrence Taylor Case . . . and We Can Probably Expect a Civil Lawsuit:

Man-hating attorney GLORIA ALLRED showed up at LAWRENCE TAYLOR'S sentencing yesterday with the girl he paid $300 to have sex with last year. --They were hoping the girl could make a victim impact statement before the sentencing. But the judge didn't allow it, because Taylor had pleaded it down to a misdemeanor case instead of a felony. --Gloria was pretty upset about that. And of course she gathered all the news cameras she could find to record her rage. --She reiterated that her client was a VICTIM, and not a prostitute. She also said, quote, "We believe [Taylor] had many clues that his victim was under 18." --The girl . . . who was not identified by name . . . also spoke to reporters. She said, quote, "I am very upset about what Mr. Taylor did to me. I never wanted to go to his hotel room. --"Rasheed ordered me to go to there and have sex for money. When I refused, Rasheed beat me." (--She's referring to Rasheed Davis . . . the PIG who was pimping her out. He's facing charges of endangering the welfare of a minor, assault and unlawful imprisonment. --She added, quote, "My life has changed because of him. He took something precious from me. I do not think the sentence given to Mr. Taylor today was fair. I think he should have been sent to jail for what he did to me." --Meanwhile, Taylor's attorney ripped into Gloria Allred for EXPLOITING the victim . . . especially after everyone took pains to maintain her anonymity. And he expects Allred to file a civil suit against Taylor. --He added that the woman herself already admitted that she LIED to Taylor about her age, telling him she was 19. (--Yes, she was probably coerced by her pimp to do that, but still, it makes it more likely that Taylor did NOT know he was with an underage girl.) (--That doesn't make him INNOCENT, but in some respects, it makes him a little less guilty. At least that's Taylor's attorney's stance. You don't have to agree with it.) --She also told police after the incident that Taylor was, quote, "not aggressive, nor was he forceful in his conduct. And he was respectful at all times." (--You can watch a news report here.)

Barry Bonds Didn't Know He Was Taking Steroids . . . He Thought It Was Flax Seed Oil and Arthritis Cream:

The perjury trial of former San Francisco Giants slugger BARRY BONDS got underway yesterday. --Bonds is accused of lying to a grand jury in 2003, when he told them he never knowingly took steroids. --And his attorney laid out Barry's defense in his opening statements. He said Barry didn't know he was taking steroids, because his trainer LIED TO HIM. --The guy supposedly told Barry he was giving him flax seed oil and arthritis cream. Barry's attorney said, quote, "I know that doesn't make a great story. But that's what happened." --In other words, Barry may have taken steroids, but he didn't take them KNOWINGLY. Thus, he didn't lie to the grand jury. --The prosecutor called that alibi, quote, "ridiculous and unbelievable."

Aflac Is Running One of their Older Commercials . . . Because It's SILENT:

Aflac is rerunning an old commercial that's patterned after a SILENT movie . . . which is an interesting way to get around having to pay GILBERT GOTTFRIED any cash. --The soundtrack is just piano music, and all dialogue is written on the screen . . . including when the duck shouts "Aflac!" --The plot is also lifted from silent movies. There's a woman tied to railroad tracks, and the duck saves her. However . . . the ad ends with the duck being HIT BY A TRAIN. (--Don't worry, PETA sympathizers: The duck doesn't die. They show him riding on the train's cow-catcher, very much alive.) --They added something new to the end of the ad . . . a plug for the nationwide search to find the new voice of the Aflac Duck. (--Check out the ad here.)

14 Million People Watched the "Bachelor" Finale:

The overhyped "Bachelor" season finale came in third in the ratings. It attracted about 14 million viewers, coming in just behind the "After the Final Rose" special. (--Unfortunately, there's a rumor that Brad Womack might get a THIRD shot at being "The Bachelor" if his latest relationship fails. Read more on that here.) --As usual, the two "American Idol" broadcasts were last week's top shows, with 22.6 million people tuning in on Wednesday and 19.6 million on Thursday.

Will Brad Womack Return to "The Bachelor" for a Third Season?

BRAD WOMACK and EMILY MAYNARD have admitted that their "Bachelor" engagement hasn't been smooth sailing so far, but they insist that their relationship is still ON . . . at least publicly. But there's still talk that it's doomed. (--Proof beyond the fact that 90% "Bachelor" romances are inherently doomed, I mean.) --If that's the case, claims ABC is already considering the possibility of bringing Brad back for a THIRD "Bachelor" run. --A so-called "ABC insider" says, quote, "No one ever thought Brad would be invited back for a second time after he rejected both women the first time he appeared. --"So it's not totally out of the question that Brad could return again if he and Emily stop trying to make this relationship work." --Supposedly, ABC isn't concerned with the success or failure of Brad's love life . . . shocking, I know . . . they're just trying to figure out if another season with Brad would be good or bad, ratings-wise. --The insider adds, quote, "After America saw him try so hard to make his relationship work with Emily, they like him again. Everyone thinks Emily tricked him . . . they feel sorry for him." (--Do we really?)

The Premiere Date for Chaz Bono's Documentary Has Been Revealed:

"Becoming Chaz" . . . the documentary that follows CHAZ BONO morphing from woman to VERY SEXY man . . . will premiere on OPRAH WINFREY'S OWN network on May 10th at 8:00 P.M. (--Here's the trailer.) --After the movie, there will be a one-hour special hosted by ROSIE O'DONNELL, in which Chaz and his girlfriend will talk about their experiences.
Wednesday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"American Idol" [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

--"Survivor: Redemption Island" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Matt and Krista duel in Matt's fourth Redemption Island battle. First he took out Francesca and since then he's held off Russell and Kristina for the right to stay in the game.)

--"America's Next Top Model" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW. (--Rachel Zoe, from Bravo's "Rachel Zoe Project", is tonight's guest judge. And the contestants model her new faux-fur clothing line at the Los Angeles Zoo.)

--"Dog the Bounty Hunter" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on A&E. (--Dog helps a friend and fellow bondsmen hunt down four fugitives on the run in Montrose, Colorado.)

--"Mr. Sunshine" . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Ben and Alonzo play against "Wonder Years" superstar Fred Savage and tennis legend Jimmy Connors in a celebrity tennis tournament. Ben is Matthew Perry's character.)

--"Are We There Yet?" . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on TBS. (--Tsunami-tsurviving tsupermodel Paulina Porizkova guest stars when Suzanne grows tired of being the family's "bad cop" to Nick's "good cop".)

--"Law & Order: SVU" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Benson and Stabler go undercover at a swinger's club. Rose McGowan guests as one of the swingers.)

--"Hot in Cleveland" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land. (--Sherri Shepherd returns as Judge Lesser when Elka's case finally goes to trial. And Amy Sedaris guest stars as the First Lady of Ohio.)

--"Fact or Faked" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Syfy.

--"Retired At 35" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on TV Land.

Rebecca Black Is Making a Lot of Money Off "Friday" . . . But Not as Much as Some People Are Saying:

YouTube luminary REBECCA BLACK is STILL a sensation. The official video for "Friday" has now eclipsed 36 MILLION VIEWS. --To put that in perspective, LADY GAGA'S super-hyped "Born This Way" video has "only" been viewed 23.5 million times. (--Although the official audio-only YouTube video of "Born This Way" has been played over 37.9 million times.) --And with "Friday" still at #33 on the iTunes Top 100 chart, it's clear that Rebecca IS raking in some serious coin. But it's not as much money as one online report claimed yesterday. said Rebecca was approaching the $1 million threshold, but that seems to be based on faulty calculations. They erroneously reported that "Friday" had been downloaded 2 million times from iTunes. --So what's the real number? did some complicated math, and estimates that Rebecca is pulling down about $24,900 a week . . . with track-sales in the neighborhood of 40,000 the first week, and "probably more" this week. --The details are both gnarly and vague . . . but basically, since Rebecca doesn't have a label, it seems like she owns the publishing rights to "Friday". --And Ark Music Factory, the company Rebecca and her mom paid to produce the song and video, is believed to hold the song-writing credit. So they get a cut for that. --Since Rebecca is 13, this money could be a nice college fund, although some of the money could go to her furthering her "music career." (--For what it's worth, that's not the option I'm hoping for.) --Rebecca WILL release another song though. On Twitter, she said, quote, "We're currently writing another song. It does not have to do with weekdays, or months, or numbers or colors. Throwin' that out there." (--It's unclear if she's still working with Ark Music Factory, but you have to give Rebecca some credit for having a good sense of humor about her "fame.") (--Not to mention the fact that she's still standing despite all the negative comments . . . including DEATH WISHES . . . that have come her way since she blew up.)(--I mean, let's get real here, people. This is a 13-year-old girl. You don't have to like the song, but could you please lay off the child? Imagine how YOU would have handled all this ridicule and hatred when you were 13.) (--By the way, if you missed "Conan" on Monday night, he did an amusing "Friday" parody called . . . "Thursday"! You can watch it, here.)
Disco Singer and Marky Mark Collaborator Loleatta Holloway Is Dead:

Disco singer LOLEATTA HOLLOWAY died of heart failure yesterday. She was 64. Her manager said she'd been battling a brief illness at the time of her death . . . but he didn't elaborate. --BOY GEORGE paid tribute to her on Twitter . . . saying, quote, "God rest your soul Loleatta Holloway, you were the greatest voice and I loved you! R.I.P." --Loleatta is best known for 1980 hit "Love Sensation", but people with high-end musical tastes have probably only heard the part of it that's used in the MARKY MARK AND THE FUNKY BUNCH classic, "Good Vibrations". --Loleatta sings the part that goes, "It's such a good vibration / It's such a sweet sensation." She also appears in the video. She also got a vocal credit and some of the royalties. --The European electronic group BLACK BOX sampled "Love Sensation" on their single "Ride on Time" . . . but they did it WITHOUT Loleatta's blessing and without crediting her. She went after them, and eventually got some money out of it. (--Here's Marky Mark's "Good Vibrations" video. Loleatta sings for the first time at the :33 mark. You can find Black Box's "Ride on Time", here. And you can listen to Loleatta's original version, here.)

How Would You Like To Play Tupac in a Movie?

There's a movie in development called "Tupac", which is about TUPAC'S life . . . specifically the latter part of it, up until his murder. But enough of the morbid stuff. --If you think YOU could play Tupac, well you're in luck: Because the production company has opened up an online casting call, asking for actors to send in audition reels. And you don't have to look EXACTLY like Tupac. --One of the producers says, quote, "We're looking for someone with the right mix of raw charm and charisma for the role. --"At this point, we're more concerned about finding someone with the ability to give their entire heart into the performance than just looks and personality." (--That being said, if you're a little white kid, don't bother. Unless you're JUSTIN BIEBER. Then they'd probably love to have you.) --The site is --You'll need to send them your performance of a scene that they provide . . . and perform a Tupac rap. They're accepting submissions up through April 30th.


I don't know why there's been such a glut of bikini pictures of 42-year-old former supermodel STEPHANIE SEYMOUR lately, but a few more popped up yesterday. And they include TOPLESS shots. (Full Story)

BILL MAHER is a notorious lover of the NUBIAN LADIES. But for the past two years, he's actually been dating a white girl. That ended recently, though. (Full Story)

You can now vote for the NOMINEES for the 2011 MTV Movie Awards. The voting runs through April 5th, then the nominees will be announced. And you'll be able to vote for the WINNERS beginning May 3rd. The show airs June 5th. (Full Story)

A Pixar employee posted a video called "One Man Disney Movie". It's a medley of various songs from Disney cartoons . . . but he does all the singing. He even does the female parts . . . and he does them frighteningly well. It's pretty cool. (Video)

For no reason, here's a list of 50 celebrities who went to college. (Full Story)

Looking for a cause you can get behind, but not completely sold on what saving the whales can do for you? Well, ELLEN DEGENERES has shot a mock PSA for a good one: "No More Reality Shows That Are Two Hours Long." (Video)

HELEN MIRREN . . . inarguably the HOTTEST 65-year-old on the planet . . . has signed on to host "Saturday Night Live" on April 9th. The FOO FIGHTERS are the musical guest. (Full Story)

ELIZABETH BERKLEY says she'd take part in the "Saved By the Bell" reunion that JIMMY FALLON is organizing. The remaining holdouts are Kelly and Screech, who were played by TIFFANI THIESSEN and DUSTIN DIAMOND. (Full Story)

EDDIE MURPHY will be honored with the "Comedy Icon" distinction at the very first Comedy Awards ceremony. The show will air April 10th on several cable networks, including Comedy Central and TV Land. (Full Story)

Just in case you actually believed it . . . SIMON COWELL has shot down a rumor claiming that he was considering 17-year-old TAYLOR MOMSEN as an "X Factor" judge. He says he doesn't even know who she is. (Full Story)


You Have a 270% Higher Chance of a Heart Attack When You're Having Sex:

The Liberal Media is going to spin this story with sensationalist headlines like "SEX CAN KILL YOU." I don't see it like that. To me, this story means: If you're in bad shape, make sure you're usually the lazy one on the bottom during sex. --According to a new study out of Tufts Medical Center in Boston, if you're in bad shape, your chance of having a heart attack significantly goes up during relations. --During sex or right after, when your heart rate is all elevated, you have a 270% higher chance of a heart attack than normal. Of course, that assumes you're really being ACTIVE during sex . . . if you just kinda lay there, it's not quite so high. --The study also found that you're 350% more likely to have a heart attack when you're exercising versus when you're not. --Of course, even with those increased percentages, your chance of a heart attack still isn't that great. For every 10,000 people, sex or exercise MIGHT trigger one to two heart attacks per year. --The message here is that it's better for you to be in shape than be out of shape . . . because if you're out of shape, even sex can put your heart at risk. (Reuters)

A Man is Suing Four Loko Because He Says it Gave Him Permanent Heart Damage:

It's been several months since Four Loko was banned, after the FDA decided an energy drink combined with malt liquor was TOO DANGEROUS for us to drink. And now . . . here come the lawsuits. --22-year-old Michael Mustica of Knowlton Township, New Jersey is SUING Phusion Projects, the makers of Four Loko. He says drinking Four Loko gave him permanent heart damage. --In October, Michael was on vacation in Atlantic City and drank two-and-a-half cans of Four Loko. His heart started racing and his breathing was off. He went to the hospital and was diagnosed with a heart arrhythmia. --In his lawsuit, he's accusing Four Loko of being, quote, "deceitfully packaged" . . . all of the bright colors and crazy typefaces disguise how potent it really is. --Every can of Four Loko used to be 23.5 ounces and 12% alcohol. That's about the same as six beers. They also had 135 milligrams of caffeine, which is about two cups of coffee. Michael had two-and-a-half cans. --The FDA banned that version of Four Loko in November. A non-caffeinated version came out in December. --There's no word on how much Michael is seeking in the suit. Phusion Projects didn't have a comment on it. (Newark Star-Ledger)

What's the Biggest Regret of Your Life? For Women, It's Something Romantic . . . For Men, It's Something About Work:

According to a new study, almost half of women still have deep, deep regrets about the One Who Got Away. The study also found that men regret the one that got away . . . but their "one" is a high-paying job. --The study was done at Northwestern University. Researchers surveyed 370 adults, ranging from 20 years old to 80, and asked them to list their biggest regrets. --The number one answer for women was ROMANCE. 44% of them said the biggest regret of their life was, quote, "the one who got away, a missed opportunity, or someone you knew [once] with whom it didn't quite work out." --That was more than double the amount of men who had a romantic regret . . . only 19% gave that as their number one answer. --Men were FAR more likely to regret something in their career. 35% of men said something work-related was their biggest regret, making it the number one answer. Less than a quarter of the women surveyed said that. --Family issues were the second-biggest regret for both genders. --The main family regrets were generally from people who were estranged from a family member . . . and in some cases didn't get to apologize before that person passed away. --They haven't released the specific order of the other regrets that got big chunks of votes, but they said those include not going to college, not getting divorced sooner, or choosing money over passion. (Chicago Sun-Times)
The More Attractive You Are, The Less Likely You Are To Think You Should Pay On a Date:

As one of the most attractive people in the world, I have to admit that this story really hit home with me. My beauty SHOULD make other people treat me right. --A study out of the University of St. Andrews in Scotland found that the more attractive someone is, the less likely they are to think they should PAY for a meal on a date. And that goes for both men and women. --Michael Stirrat is a psychologist who led the study. He says, quote, "You'd expect people to have a knowledge about how good looking they were, so they [feel] they need to make less effort to meet people or get a chance to impress people. --"So it does make sense that more attractive people would be less willing to pay. They are going to have more opportunity so they can be more choosy." (Ipswich Advertiser)

A Church In Ohio Wants To Boost Its Attendance On Easter By Giving Away $1,000 At the Service:

Well, it's finally happened. Saving your immortal soul wasn't enough to get you to church. Nope. You needed more. And the Lindenwald Baptist Church in Hamilton, Ohio has caved. They are going to PAY YOU to pray. --On Easter Sunday, Lindenwald will be holding a $1,000 drawing at their service. Every congregant who shows up is eligible . . . but you have to be present to win. --Randy Moore is the pastor at Lindenwald. He says they tried it last year and got 1,140 people to the service. In the years before that, their Easter service drew about 500 people. He's hoping for even more this year. (Hamilton Journal-News)

Pole Dancing For Jesus . . . Would You Like to Know More?

There may be a good Christian message buried somewhere in here . . . but still, on the list of ways to pay homage to our good friend JESUS, this CAN'T be very high. --There's an aerobics studio in Houston, Texas called Best Shape of Your Life Studios, and they're offering a class called POLE DANCING FOR JESUS. --It's every other Sunday . . . for women only . . . and you have to bring a church program to get in. The women in the class are fully-clothed and pole dance to Christian rock music. --The studio says they're trying to take the whole "pole dancing is for strippers" stigma away . . . it's actually a good way to get in shape, build self-esteem, and, yep, celebrate the body that God gave you. (Huffington Post)

The President of Guatemala Divorced His Wife . . . Because It Was the Only Way She Could Run For President When His Term Ended:

In Guatemala, the constitution makes it illegal for close relatives and spouses of government officials to succeed them. So, for example, if the CLINTONS were in Guatemala, Bill would've had to divorce Hillary before she could run for president. (--By the way, that loud noise you just heard was Bill Clinton dropping everything to run to a computer to look for real estate in Guatemala.) --Right now, a man named Alvaro Colom is the president of Guatemala. When his term ends next year, his wife Sandra Torres de Colom, wants to run for president. Only she can't under constitutional law. --So . . . the Coloms came up with a solution. --Alvaro DIVORCED her, which will make her eligible to be president. They filed for divorce back on the 11th. Because they said the divorce is "mutual," they didn't need to cite a reason for the divorce on the form. --Her potential opponent in the race is named Otto Perez Molina, and naturally, he's calling shenanigans on all this. --The Guatemalan Constitutional Court is going to review the case and determine whether Sandra should be allowed to run. (CNN)

Stressed Out Students at Yale Can Now Rent a Dog To Pet For Half an Hour:

College kids today are so pampered, man. Back in the '60s, if school was stressing you out, you just sucked it up . . . dropped out . . . and took enough acid to make you think you were a glass of orange juice for three days. --Fast forward to today. Yale Law School is worried about its students' stress levels, so their library is offering a new service: RENT-A-DOG. --Tons of studies have shown that petting a dog relieves stress. So at Yale, you'll now be able to check a dog out of the library for 30 minutes . . . pet him . . . calm down . . . and then go back to work. The dog rentals begin on Monday. (New York Times)

A 92-Year-Old Woman is Arrested For Firing Four Shots Into Her 53-Year-Old Neighbor's House . . . After He Refused To Give Her a Kiss:

Let's hear it for ULTRA-RANDY senior citizens who know what they want . . . and know what it takes to get it. Even if, ya know, they're dangerous like this woman and end up in jail. --On Monday, 92-year-old Helen Staudinger of Fort McCoy, Florida visited her next door neighbor, 53-year-old Dwight Bettner. And she had a very specific goal in mind: Eff the 39-year age difference, she wanted to GET-IT-ON with him. --Only Dwight wasn't into Helen. And when she said she wouldn't leave unless they MADE OUT, he slammed the door on her. --So 92-year-old Helen responded by going home, grabbing her .380 semi-automatic handgun . . . and firing FOUR SHOTS into Dwight's house. Dwight was hit by some debris but wasn't seriously injured. Then he called the cops. --When they got there, Helen told them she was shooting at, quote, "his car that he loved so much." She was arrested for two felonies: Aggravated assault and firing into an occupied dwelling. She's still locked up today. -Dwight told the cops that he's had issues with Helen trying to get all up on him before. Quote, "I feel she is enamored with [me]." He says he even tried to introduce Helen to his girlfriend once . . . after which she threatened to shoot him. (The Smoking Gun)

A Man Shows Up To His DWI Hearing Drunk . . . and Carrying a Bag of Beer:

I'm just speculating here, but I THINK that 49-year-old Keith Gruber of Swan Lake, New York has a drinking problem. And no, the problem isn't that people keep getting in the way of his drinking. --Back on December 27th, Keith was arrested for driving while intoxicated. He also has prior DWI convictions. And on Monday, he was due in Sullivan County Court for a hearing on his new DWI charge. --His pretrial hearing was scheduled for 10:30 A.M. And he showed up at noon, an hour and a half late . . . and DRUNK. --When he got to the courthouse, he was visibly drunk and had an open can of Busch beer in his hand. --He was also carrying a bag . . . and when security guards checked it, they found out it was full of four MORE cans of Busch. --That FINALLY got a judge to stop messing around . . . he threw Keith in jail and revoked his bail. (Middletown Times Herald-Record)

A Man is Arrested For Driving While Drunk . . . While Sexting:

Drunk driving is horribly dangerous. Drunk SEXTING is dangerous too, in a whole different potentially-destructive way. --And when you bring 'em both together like 29-year-old Phernando Cuello of Tampa, Florida . . . well, you belong in jail for the sake of public safety. --Around 3:00 A.M. on Sunday, police in New Port Richey, Florida pulled over Phernando after he caused a minor accident. --He told them that someone had cut him off, so he swerved and caused the crash. But after they noticed his GLASSY EYES and smelled the alcohol on his breath, he told the truth. --Phernando was DRUNK . . . and he'd been SEXTING with his girlfriend while he drove. --Between the drunkenness and the sexting, he wasn't even CLOSE to focused on the road . . . and he hit another driver. --He was charged with DUI.
(St. Petersburg Times)

A Man Calls 911 To Tell Them He's Drunk and a Felon, So He Doesn't Want To Have To Watch His Girlfriend's Baby:

Stories like this are almost comforting in a way. Sure, they remind you that there are horrible people out there. But they also remind you that generally those people are SO STUPID that eventually they get themselves locked up. --On Monday around 8:50 P.M., 911 operators in Fargo, North Dakota got a call from a 33-year-old man whose name hasn't been released. --And he had an emergency. See, his girlfriend had left him home to babysit her one-year-old son. And he told the 911 operator that he was DRUNK . . . a FELON . . . and didn't want to be watching the baby since he's not even the dad. --While he was on the phone, he also threw his 22-year-old girlfriend under the bus . . . and told the operator that the reason she'd left him alone with the kid was because she was also drunk and high on drugs. --Police reported to the house immediately. --Thankfully, the boy was OK and was placed with a relative. --The mother was arrested and charged with child neglect. Charges are still pending against the guy who made the call. (Fargo-Moorhead InForum)
A Bride In Arizona Starts a Massive Brawl At Her Own Wedding Reception:

Hey, I'm totally on this woman's side. Just because your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life doesn't mean you should shrug it off if someone acts the fool. --On Saturday night, 28-year-old Angela Davito of Gilbert, Arizona got married. The reception was in the backyard of a family member's house. --Anyway, SOMETHING went down at the reception. The police aren't saying what it was, but it made Angela go CRAZY and she TACKLED and BEAT UP one of her wedding guests. --A riot broke out. By the time the cops got there, someone out front told them that the people at the reception were, quote, "killing each other." --They ended up having to PEPPER SPRAY the entire group to get them to stop fighting. (--And possibly, because wedding chicken is always so dry, to give the food some flavor.) --Angela was arrested on suspicion of assault and obstructing governmental operation. --There's no word if there were any other arrests. The fire department ended up having to treat several of the guests for pepper spray exposure. (Arizona Republic)


#1.) Guess How Many Bones Steven Seagal Has Broken in Bad Action Movies?

If you're a fan of STEVEN SEAGAL'S bone-breaking ability in bad action movies, you're in luck. Someone posted a montage on YouTube of every bone he's ever broken. --Since starring in the classic "Hard to Kill" in 1990, Seagal has broken 101 arms, legs, wrists, and necks. (--Search for "Every Bone Steven Seagal Has Ever Broken." The bone-breaking begins at :29.) (--WARNING: This video includes graphic content and two F-bombs.)

#2.) And Now . . . A Dog Riding a Tricycle While Leading Six Other Dogs in a Conga Line:

It's the little things in life that matter . . . like a dog riding a tricycle while leading six other dogs in a conga line. And there's a new video of exactly that on YouTube. (--Search for "Doggy Conga Line.")

#3.) Three New York Subway Riders Have Brought the Crazy on YouTube This Past Week:

Apparently the New York City subway system has been filled with even more aggressive nutters than usual this past week, because three different videos of crazy passengers are gaining popularity on YouTube. --First, someone posted a video of two women fighting because one of them was eating spaghetti on a train. --Another person posted a video of a guy yelling at another passenger over and over to respect his name, which is "Bloody Loco". But the other guy just reads his book, nods, and refuses to engage him . . . which just makes Bloody Loco even angrier. --And in the most recent video, a young guy and an old guy wrestle on one of the trains, and the old guy DOMINATES. --He puts the young guy in what most closely resembles a figure-four leg lock, and all the young guy can manage to land are a few punches to the old dude's backside. (--Search for "Old Guy Beats Up Young Buck." WARNING: The first two videos both include the F-word and other profanity.)

#4.) In Case You Missed It, Check Out Princeton's Basketball Coach Choking Up After Losing to Kentucky:

Maybe this is why the crybabies in the Ivy League get no respect: In case you missed it, Princeton took on Kentucky in the NCAA tournament last week, and lost 59 to 57 with two seconds left in the game. --And afterward, Princeton coach SYDNEY JOHNSON had to fight back tears while explaining to the press that he told his players he expected greatness. (--Search for "Princeton Coach Crying." He starts getting emotional at :31.)
Five Scientifically Proven Reasons That Having Kids Sucks:

If you're in your 30's and you haven't had kids yet, consider yourself lucky. Here are five scientifically proven reasons that having kids sucks.

#1.) You Have Fewer Friends. According to a new study in the U.K., the more kids you have, the fewer friends you have. -It's not much, but in the study, couples with NO children had an average of 4.7 close friends, while parents with more than two children had an average of 3.5 close friends.

#2.) It Makes You Dumber. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University tested the IQ levels of 173 married couples before and after they had kids. And the IQ of EVERY SINGLE PARENT dropped by at least 12 points. Most dropped by more than 20 points.

#3.) It Might Make You Depressed. Postpartum depression affects about 10% of new mothers. --But fatherhood can be depressing too, and according to an in-depth study funded by the Medical Research Council, 21% of fathers deal with at least one bout of depression by the time their first child turns 12 years old.

#4.) It's Bad for the Environment. According to a study done at Oregon State University, having two children increases your carbon footprint by 40 TIMES. That sounds crazy, but if you think about it, it makes sense: -If you DON'T have kids, you stop using energy and polluting the environment as soon as you die. But if you DO have kids, they'll still be driving, flying, and sucking up electricity long after you're gone.

#5.) It Might Turn You Into an Alcoholic. About one in eleven kids has some form of ADHD, and several studies have shown that if your child has it, you're much more likely to develop a drinking problem. (


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