Hollywood Dirt Overflow (March 17, 2011)

 

SHEEN-ANIGANS

 

Andrew Dice Clay Rips Charlie Sheen a New One:

 

ANDREW DICE CLAY may not be the most relevant celebrity these days . . . but maybe he SHOULD be. Because he ripped CHARLIE SHEEN a new one yesterday . . . and it was pretty awesome. --The "New York Post" actually asked Dice about the GILBERT GOTTFRIED / Aflac situation. But he didn't want to talk about that. He wanted to launch some TRUTH TORPEDOES at Charlie. Here's what he had to say . . . --"Forget about [Gilbert]. How about this (A-hole) that everybody's afraid to say anything to, this (effin') Charlie Sheen, with all his ranting and all the attention he's getting. --"Maybe he should say something nice, and maybe some kind words to all those people out in Tokyo and to their families while he's got the (effing) spotlight on him. --"You know what gets me about something like that? Nobody's got the balls to tell this guy how (effed) up he is. He's on TV terrorizing newscasters, because they seen him waving a (effing) machete in the air. He's (effin') saying, 'I'm winning.' --"Let me tell you something, Charlie, I used to be a big fan of what you do. You did some great movies in the past. And you get an opportunity to be on one of the greatest sitcoms of this (effing) decade. --"And then you go on TV and promote (effing) drugs. You call that (effing) winning when you get (effing) fired from a hit (effing) sitcom? You call that winning? --"You call winning when there's (effing) custody battles, your kids are being taken from you and you're living with two (effing) porno actresses that I could watch on YouTube, (pleasure myself) and shut on the off button . . .--"And you think you're (effing) winning going from a hit show to a (effing) cooking show tossing a (effing) salad?"

--He added, quote, "You're not a rock star, you're not a comic. You're the biggest (effing) loser in the world as far as I'm concerned, okay? Go get the help you (effing) need. --"Nobody's on Twitter watching you going, 'Hey, Charlie's great, Charlie's winning.' Everybody's watching you fall and everybody's afraid to say it to you. Get (effing) help." (--There's not much more that needs to be said, is there? You can check out video of Dice's rant here. WARNING! There's a TON of bleeped profanity . . . and some UNBLEEPED language that's questionable, too.)

 

 

Charlie Sheen Has a Patent for a "Chapstick Dispensing Apparatus":

 

CHARLIE SHEEN has invented a few other things, besides an entirely new reality for himself. --In 2001, Charlie and another guy received a patent for a, quote, "Chapstick dispensing apparatus." It has a, quote, "slidably, pivotably, or hingeably attached" cap . . . which solves the problem of those little Chapstick caps constantly getting lost. (--"Slidably, pivotably and hingeably"? Sounds like Charlie's been making up words for a lot longer than we realized.) --They never actually produced this thing. Who knows why. (--You can see detailed pictures of it in the patent application, here. And yes, I am fully aware that it looks like a sex toy.) --In 1998, Charlie also trademarked a phrase. You're going to laugh when you hear it. Ready? It's . . . "DRUGS ARE LOSER FRIENDLY." --Yes, Charlie was going to put that phrase on various products in order to spread the word about the, quote, "detrimental effects of recreational drugs." Another thing that didn't pan out . . . this time for far more obvious reasons. (--You can see the trademark application here.)

 

 

Charlie Sheen Did Not Win In His Lawsuit Yesterday:

 

"Winning" was NOT the operative word at the Sober Valley Lodge yesterday . . . when a private resolution company decided that CHARLIE SHEEN'S $100 million lawsuit against his former bosses should go to arbitration instead of court. --Charlie's attorney wasn't happy about the decision. He said, quote, "Our lawsuit involves claims over the entire cast and crew, and there is no right to arbitrate with them." -He claims their opponents want it to go to arbitration because they're afraid of the TRUTH . . . whatever it is . . . getting out. --But he also said it didn't matter where the facts of the case were heard . . . Charlie will win regardless because he was fired without cause. --An attorney for "Two and a Half Men" creator CHUCK LORRE said the case is going to arbitration because that's what everyone's contracts call for.

 

 

Gilbert Gottfried Says to "Do the Opposite" of What He Does:

 

GILBERT GOTTFRIED is still trying to recover from the damage those tsunami jokes did to his career. "Inside Edition" asked him if he had any tips for avoiding the kind of controversy he's created over the years. He said, quote, "Observe everything I do and do the opposite." --He also gave props to his supporters . . . quote, "HOWARD STERN was very nice. He spoke in favor of me, and JOAN RIVERS and WHOOPI GOLDBERG."

 

 

Rush Limbaugh Mocked Japan for Being Environmentally Conscious . . . And Yet Still Getting Punished by "Mother Earth":

 

I'm surprised RUSH LIMBAUGH waited this long to say anything insensitive about Japan. It took him until yesterday . . . but he finally did it. --He basically mocked Japan for being one of the leading nations in terms of environmental consciousness, and yet still being punished by Mother Earth. --It was actually a caller who brought it up. He said, quote, "If these are the people who invented the Prius, have mastered public transportation, recycling . . . why did Mother Earth, Gaia if you will, hit them with this disaster?" --Then Rush played a clip of a news report DIANE SAWYER did from a Japanese refugee camp . . . where she pointed out that the people were still recycling, despite everything they were going through. --After mocking Diane Sawyer for a while, Rush then went back to the caller's point about some fantastical Earth Mother punishing Japan for trying to conserve resources. --He said, quote, "The Japanese have done so much to save the planet, he's right. They've given us the Prius. Even now refugees are still recycling their garbage. --"And yet Gaia just levels them. Just wipes them out . . . What kind of payback is this?" --He added, quote, "I like the way this guy was thinking . . . What is Gaia trying to tell us here? What is the mother of environmentalism trying to say with this hit? Great observation." (--You can watch video of this here.)

 

 

Chris Brown Says He Was Sending That Naked . . . and Impressive . . . Picture to a Girl:

 

CHRIS BROWN was asked point-blank about that naked picture of him that leaked recently. It was during a radio interview . . . --He pretty much evaded any direct questions, like who he was sending the picture to. Although he did confirm that it was, quote, "definitely a girl." --He also revealed that it was an "out-the-shower shot" . . . and, most impressively, he was NOT EXCITED. --Not surprisingly, he also admitted, quote, "I'm comfortable with my body."

 

 

The Producers of the "Red Dawn" Remake Digitally Changed the Chinese Invaders Into North Koreans . . . So They Could Still Play the Movie in China:

 

--The makers of the "Red Dawn" remake digitally changed the invading army from Chinese to North Korean . . . because they can make big bucks playing the movie in China. --"Red Dawn" is about a group of scrappy high school kids who band together and become rebels when America is invaded and taken over. --As you may recall, the original "Red Dawn" came out in 1984, and the villains were our Cold War enemies, the USSR . . . with an assist from Cuba. --The new version was shot with the Chinese as the invaders. But then the studio stepped in and informed the filmmakers just how much money they'd lose if the movie didn't play in China . . . which is a lucrative market for American films. --So they're using digital technology to change Chinese flags and symbols to North Korean . . . and also substituting dialog. --They couldn't change everything, so the Chinese are still represented among the villains. But they were able to make it so the North Koreans are the true aggressors. --Producer Tripp Vinson says, quote, "We were initially very reluctant to make any changes. But after careful consideration we constructed a way to make a scarier, smarter and more dangerous 'Red Dawn' that we believe improves the movie." (--Now THAT'S spin. Greed didn't kill art . . . it IMPROVED it! Sure, dude. Whatever the case, the new version will be out sometime this year.)

 

 

It Looks Like Just About Everybody Is Coming Back for the Next "American Pie" Movie:

 

It looks like just about everybody from the original cast is coming back for the next "American Pie" movie. They're calling it "American Reunion", and JASON BIGGS, EUGENE LEVY and SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT have already signed on. (--Even though Scott just entered some kind of treatment program.) --And deals are in the works for Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid, Mena Suvari, Chris Klein and Jennifer Coolidge . . . a.k.a. Stifler's Mom. (--There's no word yet on Alyson Hannigan, Eddie Kaye Thomas or Natasha Lyonne.)SINGING COMPETITION CHAOS

 

"Idol" Wannabe Stefano Langone Was Busted for DUI Last Year:

 

"American Idol" finalist Stefano Langone has shared his story about how he almost died in an accident caused by a drunk driver in May of 2009. But according to new reports, he was busted for DUI himself almost exactly a year later. --Last May, Washington state police pulled Stefano over for speeding. He failed field sobriety tests . . . including not being able to recite his ABCs . . . and was arrested on suspicion of DUI. He admitted to having "one beer several hours earlier." --In the report, the arresting officer said, quote, "While en route [to headquarters], Stefano began singing." He took a Breathalyzer and registered above the state's legal limit. In November, he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of "negligent driving." --The judge handed him a 30-day suspended sentence, and fined him $863. He also had to take a drug and alcohol education course. For what it's worth, Stefano was also cited for marijuana possession in 2008, but the case was dismissed. (--Here's video of Stefano's audition, where he talks about the DUI accident that almost took his life.)

 

 

"Idol's" Jacob Lusk Knew the Late Nate Dogg Personally:

 

"American Idol" finalist JACOB LUSK had a friendly relationship with NATE DOGG, the R&B singer who passed away earlier this week. Back in 2007, Jacob was in a gospel choir that Nate founded called InNate Praise. --Yesterday, Jacob Tweeted, quote, "Nate Dogg gone? Can't be true . . . I'm gonna miss him telling me to CALM DOWN!!!! Or saying 'HERE HE GO.' GREAT MAN. I knew him. LOVE YOU MAN!" (--Here's video of Jacob hanging out with Nate at his studio in 2007. Nothing much happens in it . . . Jacob and Nate are both just chillin'.) (--The star of the video is the girl who keeps saying she does not want to be filmed eating "hot Cheetos." That's reason enough to watch the whole thing. Hot Cheetos Girl, here's to you becoming a STAR!)

 

 

Simon Cowell Has Tapped L.A. Reid to Judge "X Factor":

 

The "Hollywood Reporter" says that SIMON COWELL has landed his first fellow judge for "X Factor" . . . but it isn't one of the high-profile names he's teased. --It's ANTONIO "L.A." REID, the Chairman and CEO of Island Def Jam Music Group. Supposedly, he's going to quit that job to take the "X Factor" gig. (--Interesting Fact: Back in the '90s, L.A. Reid signed USHER when he was 14. And Usher, as we all know, later signed JUSTIN BIEBER when HE was 14. So ultimately, L.A. Reid gets the credit . . . or blame . . . for BIEBER FEVER.)

 

 

The Creator of "The Bachelor" Would Like the Show to Be More Diverse . . . But He Says It's Hard:

 

Have you ever noticed that "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" are two of the WHITEST shows on TV? --The shows' creator MIKE FLEISS says he'd like to change that, but they don't always get enough minority applications. And they don't want to FORCE people of color into the casts just for the sake of doing it. --Fleiss explains, quote, "We really tried, but sometimes we feel guilty of tokenism. Oh, we have to wedge African-American chicks in there! We always want to cast for ethnic diversity, it's just that for whatever reason, they don't come forward. --"I wish they would." --The next "Bachelorette", ASHLEY HEBERT, is another cute white girl . . . but Fleiss jokes, quote, "[She might be] 1/16th Cherokee Indian, but I cannot confirm. That is my suspicion!" --But she does break the mold in another way: She's "a professional." Fleiss says, quote, "It's the first time we've had an actual professional woman as a bachelorette. She's not a party planner, she's a dentist! That's a good step for us.--"I think it's a cool good lesson for young ladies out there to see an accomplished woman still struggling to put the personal side of her life together. That's something a lot of women can relate to. She will be a different kind of bachelorette." --Sort of. She's not an "accomplished" dentist yet. She's still in dental school. (--I wonder if it's still a good lesson for "the young ladies out there." I'd say seeing a 26-year-old female college student struggling with her love life isn't exactly like spotting a bald eagle.) --By the way, Ashley wasn't the white woman Fleiss initially wanted on "The Bachelorette". He says they offered it to CHANTAL O'BRIEN but she turned them down. (--Chantal was the runner-up on this past season of "The Bachelor".)
--Fleiss explains, quote, "Chantal quite possibly would have been our bachelorette . . . if she hadn't not, quote-unquote, fallen in love with some goofball in Seattle. I'm sure they'll be together forever." (--Here's a picture of Chantal's goofball.)

Thursday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

 

--"American Idol" [Results Show] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. (--The
Black Eyed Peas and last season's winner, Lee DeWyze, perform.)

 

--"Kathy Griffin: 50 & Not Pregnant" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bravo. (--Kathy Griffin performs stand-up comedy in Milwaukee.)

 

--"30 Rock" . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on NBC. (--Susan Sarandon guest stars.)

 

--"Manhunters: Fugitive Task Force" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E.

 

 

Rebecca Black's Brilliant Jam "Friday" Has Cracked the iTunes Top 100:

 

The Internet SENSATION that is "Friday" by "pop sensation" REBECCA BLACK has carved out a spot on the iTunes Top 100 . . . in its first day.--"Friday" hit iTunes on Tuesday, and yesterday it was sitting at #69. (--You can check for updated rankings, here.) iTunes doesn't release their sales data, so it's unclear how many times it's been downloaded. --The video for "Friday" has been viewed over 10 million times on YouTube. The official version has nearly 10 million views itself. It was originally uploaded on February 10th, but it didn't "go viral" until last week. (--You can watch it, here. This thing is a piece of work. But I think it's kind of wonderful in its terribleness. If you're watching it, think about all the things in the video that just don't seem to click . . . that just feel a little OFF.) (--By the way, something called "Ark Music Factory" is responsible for this and several other HORRIBLE videos on YouTube.) (--From what I gather, parents pay money . . . some say "thousands", but I can't verify that . . . and these people make an auto-tuned single and crappy video for you, whether you have an ounce of talent or not. (--I don't know that what they're doing is wrong, necessarily. I mean, it would be nice if they were honest with some of these chicks and told them not to waste their money because they're probably never going to make it.) (--But still, I think their gig is just to give these chicks the means to try and make it. I wonder if they understand the irony of calling themselves a "factory.") (--I think this mini-phenomenon . . . which may not be mini for much longer . . . speaks to a bigger problem in the music industry, and maybe society as a whole.) (--Basically, in this age of YouTube, Facebook and "American Idol", everybody thinks they're a star. Everybody thinks they're just one viral appearance away from celebrity. And that's basically true.) (--What so many of these people don't realize is that they probably don't DESERVE to be celebrities. Or at least they didn't in the world I grew up in . . . where it took TALENT to get recognized.) (--You can browse Ark Music Factory's website, here.)

 

 

Nate Dogg's Death *Was* Probably Stroke-Related:

 

There's still no official word on the cause of NATE DOGG'S
death, but his family believes it was related to complications from the strokes he suffered in 2008. --But Nate wasn't in bad shape. A close friend of the family says his death was unexpected . . . and that he was making significant progress in his recovery. He adds that Nate was fully alert and aware in his final days. --By the way, the statement Nate's family released included this line: Quote, "We know that Nate will be hanging out with his good friends 2Pac and Biggie."

 

 

THURSDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

 

MEL GIBSON'S new movie, "The Beaver", premiered at the South By Southwest Film Festival in Austin, Texas last night. And a source says it received a, quote, "strong ovation." (Full Story)

 

 

SELENA GOMEZ was on "Letterman" last night. Dave tried to get her to admit she's dating JUSTIN BIEBER, but she totally dodged the issue. (Full Story)

 

 

Some company tried to cash in on the royal wedding by issuing a commemorative China mug. But they put a picture of PRINCE HARRY on it instead of PRINCE WILLIAM. (Full Story)

 

 

DONALD TRUMP says he's willing to spend $600 million on a presidential campaign. (Full Story)

 

 

KATY PERRY'S mom, who's a Christian minister, is writing a book about the impact Katy's career has had on her life. She says she's proud of Katy, but she "disagrees with a lot of choices she makes in her career." (Full Story)

 

 

KELLY CLARKSON'S next album has been pushed back to September. There's no word on why, but Kelly implies that the decision was over her head. She says she was told "that's the best time to release it." (Full Story)

 

 

LIFESTYLE NONSENSE

 

Five Stats About How Men and Women Drink Alcohol:

 

For St. Patrick's Day, Yahoo did a survey of more than 2,000 people to find out how men and women consume alcohol. --It's not really a scientific study, so you can't take the results TOO seriously. But here are the top five things the survey revealed.

 

#1.) St. Patrick's Day Isn't the Most Popular Holiday for Drinking. In fact, it wasn't even in the top three. St. Patrick's Day came in fourth, behind New Year's Eve, Christmas, and the Fourth of July.

 

#2.) Men Drink More. According to the survey, male drinkers out-drink women by an average of two beverages per week. The average for women was just under six drinks a week, and the average for men was just under eight.

 

--One in four adults said they don't drink at all.

 

#3.) More Men Said They "Need" Alcohol to Have a Good Time. 10% of the women surveyed said they couldn't have fun without having a few drinks, compared to 16% of men.

 

#4.)
Most Drinkers Had Their First Sip of Alcohol Before They Were Legally Allowed To. The average survey participant had their first drink at age 17. And almost two thirds of them said they got drunk for the first time before turning 21.

 

#5.) Men Are More Likely to Come to Work Hung Over. 13% of women said they've gone to work with a hangover before, compared to 21% of men. (Yahoo.com)

 

NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

 

 

And Now, Five Random Facts About St. Patrick's Day:

 

#1.) St. Patrick Wasn't Irish. We've said it before and we'll say it again . . . St. Patrick wasn't actually Irish! He was born in Scotland or Wales, and brought to Ireland as a slave. Also, his name wasn't Patrick . . . his given name was Maewyn.

 

#2.) Until 1970, Irish Bars Closed On St. Patrick's Day. In 1903, St. Patrick's Day was named a national holiday in Ireland. Nice tribute . . . but in Ireland, bars have to close on national holidays. That was overturned in 1970.

 

#3.) America Is Far More Irish Than Ireland. There are more than 35 million Americans with Irish ancestry. The population of Ireland is 4.2 million.

 

#4.) Four Out Of Five Americans Wear Green Today. And about 20 million, or about one out of 13, go to a bar.

 

#5.) It's Really Easy To Dye The Chicago River. The Chicago River is dyed green for St. Patrick's Day . . . and it only takes 40 pounds of green vegetable dye to do it. That green lasts for a few days. (11 Points)
(--You can find more random St. Patrick's Day facts here.)

 

One Out of Four Women Hated the Way Their Boyfriend Proposed:

 

Add this to the list of the many, many, ways you leave women unsatisfied. --According to a new survey by TheKnot.com, 26% of women, or one out of four, say they HATE the way their boyfriend proposed. --The main complaints were that the proposal wasn't romantic, original, or personal. The next most common complaint was about the spectacle . . . women who wanted an over-the-top proposal got a small, intimate one, and vice versa. --75% of the men surveyed said they planned their entire proposal themselves without any help. --And 76% of men say it's absolutely necessary to get down on one knee to propose . . . while only 49% of women said the whole "one knee" thing is crucial. --Men do much better when it comes to the engagement ring than the engagement itself. 96% of women, or 24 out of 25, say they loved the engagement ring. --30% of men say they bought a ring without getting a second opinion. --After the proposal, 84% of people say they called their parents first. --75% of women and 66% of men post the news on Facebook. (Daily Mail)

 

 

A New Study Proves That Women Handle Pain Better Than Men:

 

You know who's the most likely to cry like a little girl? Someone who didn't grow up as a little girl. --According to a new study out of Queen Mary University in London, it's official: WOMEN handle pain better than men. --The study took brain scans to try to understand how men and women approach the idea of pain. --They found women spend less time focusing on FEAR and more time preparing and planning how they'll handle and overcome the pain. --Meanwhile men focus almost exclusively on the fear of the pain and don't prep themselves to handle it. --Because of that difference, women handle the pain in a more rational way. --Dr. Steven Coen led the study. He says, quote, "We're not saying men and women feel pain differently, but the way the brain interprets the pain may differ." (Daily Mail)

 

 

A New Fashion Line is Being Launched By . . . Nelson Mandela?

 

People give NELSON MANDELA a lot of glorious titles. We've never heard "FASHION ICON" as one of them, though.

--But that's not stopping Mandela. This August, he's launching a brand new DESIGNER FASHION LINE. It's called 46664 Apparel . . . 46664 was the number he had for his 27 years in prison while he was locked up for fighting apartheid. --All of the profits will go toward charity and toward South Africa's textile and clothing industry. --Mandela didn't design all of the clothes in his line himself, but he did have a hand in them. They're going to feature strong, bold colors . . . a lot of African influences . . . and a logo based off of Mandela's handprint. (Time) (--Here are some photos of the clothing from the line.)

 

 

Atlanta Is Still the Busiest Airport In the World:

 

Next time you get stuck at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Atlanta . . . and yes, at some point you WILL get delayed in Atlanta, everyone does . . . just know that you're not alone. --According to the annual report from the Airports Council International, Hartsfield is still THE busiest airport in the entire world. --It had a 1.5% increase in travelers last year, bringing it up to 89.3 million . . . which was enough to beat out Beijing Capital International Airport in China. Beijing had a 13% increase to 73.9 million travelers. --Beijing is on pace to pass Atlanta sometime in the next few years. --Chicago's O'Hare is the third-busiest . . . Heathrow in London is fourth . . . Tokyo is fifth . . . --Los Angeles is sixth . . . Paris's Charles De Gaulle is seventh . . . Dallas/Fort Worth is eighth . . . Frankfurt in Germany is ninth . . . and Denver is tenth. --Overall last year, there was a 6.3% increase in the number of airline passengers. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

 

 

11% of People Think We'll Be Able To Take Vacations To the Moon . . . Within the Next Decade:

 

Ever since we were kids, we've wondered when we'd be able to take family vacations to the MOON. At first everyone figured it would be the year 2000. Well, that came and went, and most of us rational folks basically gave up. --But there are some people out there who STILL BELIEVE. --A British travel website called Sunshine just put up the results of a poll about futuristic travel, and found that a solid 11% of us think we'll be able to take vacations to the moon . . . within the next decade. Here are some more findings. --22% think there will be space station hotels by 2020. --54% think we'll be able to take long submarine vacations by 2020. --16% think there will be a high-speed train across the Atlantic Ocean, connecting the U.S. and Europe, by 2020. (--Spoiler alert: This will not happen.) --34% think that long-distance HOT AIR BALLOON RIDES will be available by 2020. --And finally . . . 4% of people think TIME TRAVEL will be possible by 2020. (Breaking Travel News)

 

A Woman Is Suing a Hand Warmer Company . . . Because Their Product Worked So Well It Set Her On Fire:

 

On one hand, I'm sure the people who manufacture the Little Hotties brand of hand warmers feel bad about this and don't like having to deal with a lawsuit. On the other hand . . . what an endorsement for the quality of their hand warmers! --On February 5th, 24-year-old Lauren Self of Madison, Alabama had one of the Little Hotties hand warmers in her back pocket. --Those are the hand warmers that come in a little bag . . . you crinkle or shake the bag, and they provide you with hours of heat. --But, Lauren says when she reached back to grab the hand warmer . . . it caught on FIRE. It burned through her clothes and set her BUTTOCKS ON FIRE. --She was in the hospital for a week for burn injuries. --Now she's suing Implus Footwear of North Carolina, which is the company that makes Little Hotties. She's seeking unspecified damages . . . AND requesting that the hand warmers are DISCONTINUED. --A spokesman from Implus Footwear didn't have a comment on the suit. (Huntsville Times)

 

 

A Tenant Sets a House On Fire When He Tries To Smoke Out Some Squirrels In the Attic:

 

Look, I get that we're Americans. And as Americans, when we want to solve problems our first instinct is: "How can I fix this problem with EXPLOSIONS?" But sometimes that's just not practical. --Earlier this week, a tenant in a two-story row house in Richton Park, Illinois was going crazy because of a family of squirrels living in his attic. So he decided to tackle the problem like an American. --He got himself a SMOKE BOMB . . . lit it . . . and threw it up into the attic. He figured it would smoke the squirrels right out. --Instead, the smoke set the insulation on fire and the entire house went up in flames. --It spread to the house next door before firefighters could fully put it out. The upper units in both of the houses suffered damage, but fortunately no one was hurt or killed. --As for the squirrels . . . after the fire was out, the chief of the Richton Park Fire Department, Lloyd Noles, did a sweep of the building. Quote, "I never saw any squirrels, none at all." (--So . . . mission accomplished, then?) (Chicago Tribune)

 

 

MEATBALL CRIMINALS

 

During a Break-Up, a Man Sticks His Tongue Out At His Girlfriend . . . So She Bites Off His Tongue Ring and Splits His Tongue In Half:

 

This is definitely the SECOND-biggest reason why I'd never get a tongue ring. The first biggest reason is that I'm not a 16-year-old girl with self-esteem issues. --On Monday night, 25-year-old Johnathan Batton of Spartanburg, South Carolina was breaking up with his 21-year-old girlfriend, Casey Crump. They lived together, so he started moving out. --As he moved his stuff, they kept yelling at each other. Finally, at one point, Johnathan stuck his tongue out at Casey to taunt her. --Johnathan had a tongue ring. And as soon as he stuck his tongue out, Casey leaned forward . . . BIT DOWN around the piercing . . . and ripped it out of Johnathan's mouth with her TEETH. In the process, she split his tongue IN HALF. --While he was on the ground in pain, she grabbed a pair of jumper cables and started WHIPPING HIM. She also told her THREE-YEAR-OLD daughter to stand in front of his car so he couldn't leave. --Casey hasn't been arrested yet . . . a sheriff's deputy says they're still gathering information for a warrant. She was arrested last month, though . . . for domestic violence. (The Smoking Gun)

 

 

A Woman Gets a DUI After She Stops To Yell at the Cops for Holding Up Traffic During Someone Else's DUI Stop:

 

On Sunday afternoon, police in Denver reported to the scene of an accident caused by a drunk driver. While they worked the scene, they ended up blocking off an intersection. --That backed up traffic . . . and one of the people in that traffic was 49-year-old Katherine Morse of Westminster, Colorado. --When she finally got through the jam and drove past the crash scene, she rolled down her window and YELLED at the cops for, quote, "choosing a stupid place to conduct a traffic stop." --When a cop approached Katherine's car, he could smell alcohol on her. --So he had her pull her car over . . . he gave her a roadside sobriety test . . . and she FAILED. --She was arrested on suspicion of DUI. (Denver Post)

 

 

A Man is Arrested for Impersonating an Officer . . . By Using an iPhone App That Flashes Like a Siren:

 

Over the weekend, a man was driving in Boise, Idaho and saw the blue and red lights of a police siren in his window. --But something was off. The car wasn't a police car . . . the driver looked like he was holding the siren in his hand . . . and also, the driver looked like a kid. So, just to be sure, the guy who was being pulled over called the police. --They told him his suspicion was correct . . . and they reported to the scene and pulled over the fake cop. --He was 20-year-old Alexander Welch of Boise. Turns out he didn't have a handheld siren . . . he had an IPHONE APP that looks like a siren, and he was using THAT to try to pull over the other driver. --The app is called Police Siren, and you can get it for free in the app store. But, ya know, don't use it like this idiot used it. --Alexander was arrested and charged with felony impersonation. He could get up to five years in prison. (Idaho Statesman)

 

 

RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

 

 

Tsunami Intsanity Part One: West coast sushi joints are facing, quote "daunting supply shortages" following the earthquake in Japan. (Full Story)

 

 

Tsunami Intsanity Part Two: People aren't donating as much to the relief effort in Japan, because the country is so much better off financially than Haiti. (Full Story)

 

 

Just when you thought they couldn't make life any worse for us . . . Chase and other banks are testing out $5 ATM fees for non-customers. (Full Story)

 

 

The TSA says a, quote, "calculation error" accidentally led to airport scanners giving off 10 times higher radiation emissions than they're supposed to. (Full Story)

 

 

A guy went to the police because he felt his drug dealer had shorted him on his baggie of cocaine, and even showed cops the baggie as proof. He was arrested. (Full Story)

 

 

Palm Beach County in Florida has passed a law requiring shade, fans, or air conditioning for dogs left outdoors when it's over 85 degrees. (Full Story)

 

 

The NYPD spends about $75 million a year on low-level pot possession busts . . . about $2,000 for each small-time arrest. (Full Story)

 

 

A minor league manager for the Atlanta Braves got hit in the face with a line drive foul ball last week . . . and doctors had to remove his left eye. But he expects to return to the team in six weeks. (Full Story)

 

 

The number of heavy smokers in the U.S. has dropped significantly: The percentage of smokers smoking a pack a day has dropped from 56% in 1965, to 41% today. (Full Story)

 

 

Hillary says she won't serve a second term as Secretary of State . . . or in any other role . . . in Obama's cabinet. (Full Story)

NAZZY'S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

 

#1.) A Chinese Businessman Had His Lamborghini Smashed with Sledgehammers . . . Because it Had Engine Problems?

 

If you've always wanted to see a crew of guys destroy a Lamborghini with sledgehammers, today's your lucky day. --A businessman in China bought a pre-owned Lamborghini, and it started having engine problems a month later. So he took it back to the dealership to have it worked on, but supposedly they couldn't fix the engine . . . and they also damaged the chassis. --That's when the guy decided to take drastic measures: To mark World Consumer Rights day on March 15th, he had a team of nine guys attack the car with sledgehammers, in protest. Oh, and by the way, the car retails for around $280,000. (--Search for "Lamborghini Destroyed With Sledgehammers.")

 

 

#2.) Snipers in Brazil Killed a Robber Who Held a Knife to a Hostage's Eye:

 

Police in Brazil shot and killed a convenience store robber on Monday, when he threatened to stab a female hostage in the eye with a knife. --While two cops were negotiating with him, the guy put the point of his knife right up to the woman's eye, so it looked like he was about to stab her. Then a sharpshooter took him out. --The robber was hit in the head and died immediately, but the hostage was fine. After the shot is fired, you can see blood on her shirt. But it's the robber's, not hers. Then she runs out of the store and toward the camera. (--Search LiveLeak.com for "Brazil Hostage Taker Knife in Eye" He's shot at :24. WARNING: The video is kind of blurry, so it's not that graphic. But it does show him get shot.)

 

 

#3.) A Dog Was Injured in the Tsunami, and Another Dog Refused to Leave Its Side:

 

A soaking wet dog that survived the tsunami in Japan was found standing guard next to a second dog that was injured and not moving. And now the footage of it is getting a bunch of plays on YouTube. --At one point, the healthy dog even paws the face of the dog that's lying on the ground, like it knows its friend needs to wake up so they can be rescued. --And here's the good news: According to CNN, both dogs were evacuated, and both survived. (--Search for "Loyal Dog Stays by Friend After Tsunami." It paws the other dog's face at 1:58.)