NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

PROTECT YOUR KIDS!!!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR KIDS WERE LOOKING AT ON THE INTERNET THIS SUMMER???

Summer vacation is almost over, but that begs the question: Do you know what your KIDS were doing at home this summer while you were away at work?

With that in mind, here are the top ten Internet searches performed this summer by households that have installed Symantec's family safety program, Norton Online Family:

#10.) eBay
#9.) Fred (--a fictional character with a You Tube channel that's popular with kids)
#8.) MICHAEL JACKSON
#7.) Yahoo
#6.) Porn
#5.) MySpace
#4.) Sex
#3.) Facebook
#2.) Google
#1.) You Tube

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HERE ARE FIVE THINGS THAT ARE SURE TO BACKFIRE IN A RELATIONSHIP:

Your relationship might be going great right NOW. But if you're not careful, it could come to a grinding halt at any moment.

So, ladies, I'm going to do you a favor and offer up five things you should never do in a relationship, because if you do, they're almost certain to backfire.

#1.) Don't play the jealousy card: Some women think that if they drop hints about being attracted to other guys, it'll deepen their man's devotion. But it'll only make your guy angry or, worse yet, he may break up with you.

#2.) Don't help yourself to all of his stuff: Guys are territorial. If you immediately start acting like what's his is also yours, he just might send you packing.

#3.) Don't test his loyalty: You might hate your boyfriend's mom, but if you ask him to choose between the two of you, chances are he's going to pick mom. And if you actually had the audacity to give him this ultimatum, then he made the right choice.

#4.) Don't research his background: In general, guys aren't all that expressive or forthcoming. But if you start digging into your guy's background, he'll feel betrayed by your lack of trust.

#5.) Don't call him your "future husband": Guys don't like to be pressured into marriage. If you start introducing your guy as your "future husband", I can almost guarantee he'll be gone within the month. (Cosmopolitan)

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JET BLUE IS OFFERING AN "ALL-YOU-CAN-FLY" DEAL . . . FOR JUST $599: (!!!)

If you travel a lot, then you're really going to want to pay attention to THIS . . . --On Wednesday, Jet Blue Airways announced they'll be offering something called the "All-You-Can-Jet" pass, which allows customers to take an UNLIMITED number of flights between September 8th and October 8th . . . for just $599.

That's right. As many flights as you can take in a month for just $599. So what do you need to know about this deal?

#1.) All-You-Can-Jet passes will be on sale from now until Friday, August 21st (--which is one week from today).

#2.) There are no blackout dates.

#3.) And you can fly on ANY Jet Blue flight to ANY destination so long as you book your ticket at least three days ahead of time. (CNN Money

(--I know what you're thinking: Jet Blue doesn't fly to very many cities and that's why they have to offer this deal. And, yeah, there's probably some truth to that. But I've paid $599 for a single round-trip flight, and if you travel a lot, this is nothing to sneeze at.)

(--Anyway, you can get more info on the all-you-can-jet pass here . . .)http://www.jetblue.com/deals/all-you-can-jet/

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (8-14-09)

MICHAEL PHELPS WAS INVOLVED IN A THREE-CAR COLLISION LAST NIGHT . . . BUT HE'S OKAY:

MICHAEL PHELPS was involved in a three-car accident in his hometown of Baltimore last night. --The accident occurred at around 9:00 P.M. . . . reportedly when SOMEONE ran a red light. (--PerezHilton.com claims it was Phelps who ran the light . . . AND he was speeding. That hasn't been confirmed.)

Phelps wasn't injured, but a woman in one of the other cars complained of, quote, "head and arm pain", and was taken to the hospital. --According to TMZ, police do NOT believe Phelps was impaired at the time of the accident. And after interviewing him, they decided not to bother with a field sobriety test.

(--It's a wonder nobody was seriously injured. The crash did some major damage to Michael's Escalade. Check out the pics . . .)

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SING ALONG!

Disney's biggest stars . . . MILEY CYRUS, DEMI LOVATO, SELENA GOMEZ and the JONAS BROTHERS . . . have joined forces for an all-star, "We Are the World"-type video, which is meant to raise awareness for the environment.

The song is called "Send It On". It's available on iTunes now. The proceeds will benefit environmental charities through Disney's Friends for Change: Project Green campaign. (--You can check out the music video, here . . .) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMjUqZLLNb8

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MICHAEL JACKSON MADNESS

MICHAEL JACKSON'S DOCTOR LEFT HIM ALONE, UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A POWERFUL ANESTHESIA . . . TO MAKE PHONE CALLS:

We've already heard the theory that MICHAEL JACKSON'S doctor, CONRAD MURRAY, hooked Michael up to an IV drip of the powerful anesthetic propofol, then left him unattended. --And now, the "Los Angeles Times" is backing that up. They say Dr. Murray left Michael to go make some PHONE CALLS. And by the time he checked up on him, Michael had already stopped breathing.

According to unidentified law enforcement sources, Dr. Murray has admitted to giving Michael propofol repeatedly since becoming his doctor back in May. He also said Michael had been using propofol as a sleeping aid on and off for 10 years.

Whether or not Dr. Murray ends up charged with manslaughter will come down to whether administering propofol outside of a hospital setting . . . and leaving a patient alone while under its influence . . . constitutes NEGLIGENCE.


MICHAEL JACKSON wore quite a few sequined gloves in his day, but the FIRST one is hitting the auction block along with other music memorabilia on November 21st --It's the glove Michael wore during the Motown 25th anniversary TV special back in 1983. That was the show where Michael moonwalked for the first time.

After his performance, Michael gave the glove to Walter "Clyde" Orange . . . a member of THE COMMODORES. And he's held onto it ever since.


JOHN MAYER, LIONEL RICHIE and WHITNEY HOUSTON are among the stars recording a new version of Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There", as a charity single. USHER, DIONNE WARWICK, WYCLEF JEAN and JERMAINE JACKSON are also taking part. JENNIFER HUDSON might be involved, but since she just gave birth, that's up in the air right now. (--For some reason, LARRY KING'S wife Shawn is organizing this . . . and singing on it as well.)

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THE SUMMER OF DEATH CONTINUES:

The SUMMER OF DEATH continues to roll on. Since June, we've lost . . .

--MICHAEL JACKSON--FARRAH FAWCETT--ED MCMAHON--WALTER CRONKITE--(Director) JOHN HUGHES--DAVID CARRADINE--KARL MALDEN--BILLY MAYS--EUNICE KENNEDY SHRIVER--(Comedian) FRED TRAVALENA--(Former NFL quarterback) STEVE MCNAIR--("Angela's Ashes" author) FRANK MCCOURT--Wiener king OSCAR G. MAYER, JR.--And, of course, GIDGET, the Taco Bell Chihuahua. (--True!!! She died of a stroke. She was 15.)

There are more we could mention, but these 14 are the most universally-recognized names . . . and frankly, aren't they enough??? Apparently not . . . because we have two more to add to the list . . . --GUITAR HERO LES PAUL and character actor JOHN QUADE. Some biological information follows . . .

LES PAUL: 1915 - 2009:

LES PAUL . . . the original GUITAR HERO . . . died yesterday of complications from pneumonia. He was 94 years old. --There's no doubt that Les Paul revolutionized rock and roll. After all, he's the man who invented the SOLID BODY ELECTRIC GUITAR, as well as multi-track recording.

Gibson Guitars first began production on the Les Paul guitar in 1952. It remains one of the most widely-used guitars in the world. --SLASH said, quote, "Les Paul was a shining example of how full one's life can be; he was so vibrant and full of positive energy."

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PAMELA ANDERSON DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE HER TRAILER PARK:

When renovations began at PAMELA ANDERSON'S Malibu home, she moved into the nearby Paradise Cove TRAILER PARK to wait it out.

And now, not surprisingly, she's starting to feel AT HOME there . . . to the point where she doesn't want to move out.

Part of that has to do with the fact that she's now DATING a guy she met there. --She told "Elle" magazine, quote, "[I have] a one-room mobile home that I bought as a guest house, then we moved in temporarily. --"I moved there because I was waiting for this damn house to be built in this posh part of Malibu. And then I realized I was so much happier and the kids were also happy.

--"I fell in love there. It's where my boyfriend lives, too. He's an electrician and we met on our way to the beach." (--Pamela Anderson finds love in a trailer park . . . then falls in love with the trailer park itself. Thank you, Pamela Anderson, for today's JOKE THAT WRITES ITSELF.)

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MICHAEL VICK IS A PHILADELPHIA EAGLE:

MICHAEL VICK has signed a two-year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles, worth about $6.8 million. It'll be announced at a press conference this morning.

Exactly how Vick will fit in with the Eagles offense is unclear. Everybody's being pretty vague about it at the moment. But Eagles quarterback DONOVAN MCNABB . . . who has a somewhat close relationship with Vick . . . described the signing as, quote, "adding another weapon to the offense."

He also claims he LOBBIED for the Eagles to sign Vick. --Head coach ANDY REID was also quick to deny there would be a, quote, "quarterback controversy" this coming season. --And although he didn't offer any specifics on how Vick would be used either, he seemed to be pretty adamant that whatever he does, it'll be from the position of quarterback.

The Eagles already have a solid backup QB for McNabb in KEVIN KOLB. He strained a knee ligament earlier this week, but he's expected to be back on the field next week. --Vick hasn't played professional football since 2006. In August of 2007, he was convicted of running a dogfighting operation in Virginia. He did time in prison and under home confinement, and finally walked free on July 20th.

Vick can immediately start practicing and attending meetings with the Eagles . . . but he can't play for them until the final two preseason games. --Once the season begins, Vick can participate in all team activities EXCEPT GAMES. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is expected to reinstate him by around Week 6 or earlier, if all goes well.

Not surprisingly, PETA isn't happy about this. Here's their statement . . . quote, "PETA and millions of decent football fans around the world are disappointed that the Eagles decided to sign a guy who hung dogs from trees. --"He electrocuted them with jumper cables and held them under water. You have to wonder what sort of message this sends to young fans who care about animals and don't want them to be harmed."

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AEROSMITH HAS CANCELLED THE REST OF ITS TOUR:

If you've got tickets to see AEROSMITH at any of the 14 dates left on their summer tour . . . well, you're getting a refund.

The band announced last night that they're cancelling the rest of the tour so that STEVEN TYLER can recuperate from falling off the stage during a show in South Dakota last week.

Tyler broke his shoulder in the fall and had to get stitches in his head. His doctors pushed him to take the time to properly recuperate instead of jumping back on the road.

(Guitarist) JOE PERRY issued a statement saying, "I would like to thank our loyal fans for sticking by us through thick and thin and all the good energy they are sending our way. We hope we can get the Aerosmith machine up and running again as soon as possible."

As for Tyler, he says he's just grateful he didn't break his neck. He also offered this thoughtful insight as to how he fell in the first place . . . quote: "I slipped, and as I live on the edge . . . I fell off the edge!"

(--Here's the video of Steven's fall again . . .) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tew1WXlJ6SE

SAY WHAT?!

SIX PHRASES THAT WILL HELP YOU ON A DATE:

#1.) "Tell me more about it". Once you go beyond small talk and delve into a meatier topic . . . like a problem she's struggling with at work . . . it's important to refrain from offering up a quick "fix". Instead, encourage your date to keep talking by saying, "Tell me more about it."

--It's not that you should never share your brilliant ideas to fix your date's problems . . . you just have to give them a chance to vent for awhile.

#2.) "What are the reasons for your opinion?". Eventually you and your date are going to disagree on something, whether it's an important issue like the war in Iraq, or something trivial like the state of BRAD PITT and ANGELINA JOLIE'S relationship.

--When you find yourselves butting heads over a particular topic, it's okay to share your thoughts . . . just do so after you've asked your date about the REASONS behind their opinion. It'll make the difference between an engaging conversation and an instant turn-off.

#3.) "I never thought of it that way". After your date has explained their viewpoint on anything from a current event to a celeb's behavior, think about their comment and say, "I never thought of it that way."

--Saying this doesn't mean you think your date is a genius, it just shows that you're being influenced by their thoughts and opinions. And once someone senses that you respect their ideas, they may be more willing to open up to you in other ways. . . if you know what I mean and I think you do.

#4.) "How did it go?". Sooner or later, your date may mention an upcoming event that's important to them, like an upcoming promotion, a relative's triple-bypass operation, or a best friend's wedding.

--Take note when they mention these events, since they'll turn into prime opportunities to show your date you were listening later with a, "So how did that promotion/surgery/wedding go?" --While it may seem obvious to follow up on stuff like this, it's easy to forget, especially if the events aren't a matter of life-and-death.

#5.) "You're a really generous person". Many people, especially men, are quick with the compliments: "You have the most gorgeous eyes," "You look great in that dress." Sure, your date will love it, at first. But then the compliments wear off and so does their interest in you.

--The problem is that you're focused on superficial qualities when people often prefer to be recognized for who they are on the inside. So try complimenting an internal quality by saying something like, "It was so thoughtful of you to go out of your way to meet me here."

#6.) "I admire that". Everyone loves to be admired, so look for opportunities to make your date feel proud.

--If your date shares a story about how they took a risk, switched jobs and ended up in a better position, tell them, "That takes courage. I admire that." Or if your date tells you a story about how they got a friend out of a bind, say, "I admire that kind of loyalty." (Happen Magazine)

NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

NEARLY 20 YEARS AFTER FIRST WRITING TO EACH OTHER, TWO PEN PALS RECONNECTED OVER FACEBOOK . . . AND GOT MARRIED:

Nearly 20 years ago, 38-year-old Jeremy Clayton (--who was 19 at the time) was fighting in the first Gulf War when he selected a letter at random, addressed to "Any Soldier", which turned out to be from 32-year-old Jaime Benefit (--13 at the time).

Anyway, Jeremy and Jaime became pen pals and exchanged letters with one another until the war ended. Then they fell out of touch. That is until earlier this year when Jaime found Jeremy on Facebook.

But the story doesn't end there because, after finally meeting in March, Jeremy and Jaime hit it off and last month . . . they GOT MARRIED.

Jeremy says, quote, "It was fate that I got [Jaime's] letter. And her finding me 19 years later was fate. [Now] she writes me notes every morning and puts them in my lunch."

(--Okay, that's sappy, but you have to admit this is a pretty cool story.) (New York Daily News / Lemondrop)

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IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT SOMEONE'S *REALLY* LIKE, JUST WATCH HOW THEY ACT WHEN THEY WIN THE LOTTERY:

It's no secret that MONEY does funny stuff to people. So it makes sense that if you want to know what someone's REALLY like, you should watch how they act when they win the LOTTERY. Observe . . .

#1.) Last week, 38-year-old Marco Colombo of Turbigo, Italy bought a bunch of lotto tickets and promised the five employees at his small metalworking company that if he hit the jackpot, he'd share his winnings with them.

-Well, Marco did win. $1.36 MILLION to be exact. And on Monday, Marco cut each of his employees a check for $100,000. (!!!) (Yahoo News)

#2.) But, on the other end of the spectrum, we've got 83-year-old Theresa Sokaitis of Middletown, Connecticut and her sister, 87-year-old Rose Bakaysa.

Several years ago, Theresa and Rose made an agreement that if either of them ever won the lottery, they'd split the winnings. But in 2004, the sisters had a falling out and they haven't spoken since. Here's where things get a little messy . . .

In 2005, Rose and her brother, Joseph, won $500,000 in the Connecticut lottery. But instead of splitting the winnings with Theresa, they CUT HER OUT.

Theresa says, quote, "We had an accountant, we had a contract and we had a notary public. We signed the contract together and we agreed to split anything. And when it came time, they didn't even tell me [they'd won]. I saw it in the paper.

"I miss [Rose] so much. I love her and I don't like what's taken place. But all I want is what is rightfully mine. All I want is my share, nothing more." --Anyway, on Tuesday the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled that the contract between Theresa and Rose was legal, and that Theresa CAN sue for her share of the jackpot, which amounts to about $160,000. The case is ongoing. (AOL News)

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HERE ARE FOUR UNUSUAL HIRING TRICKS THAT EMPLOYERS USE:

Let's face it . . . there are a lot of people looking for work right now, but only a handful of jobs out there. So if you're going to find work, you need every possible advantage. --With that in mind, here are four unusual hiring tricks that some employers use:

#1.) They inspect your car: There's a chance that while you're in your interview, someone from the company will be inspecting your car to check whether it's neat and clean or a messy disaster area.

--The idea is that the cleaner the car, the better the employee will be.

#2.) They watch while you wait: It's possible that while you're waiting for your interview, someone from the company is watching to see how you behave.

--Reviewing your resume or reading an industry publication are considered appropriate behaviors, while listening to your iPod or playing games on your cell phone aren't.

#3.) They tempt you with gossip: Some companies will hold two interviews: A formal one followed by a friendly one. During the friendly interview, the interviewer will talk badly about the people who conducted the formal interview.

--If the job applicant joins in on the gossip, they won't be offered the job.

#4.) They watch your manners: Some companies will hold lunch interviews just to see what sort of table manners job applicants have.

--The idea is that if you have good table manners, it says good things about your character and judgment. (CNN)

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A GUY ROBBED A BANK IN ILLINOIS WHILE WEARING A WINNIE THE POOH SWEATSHIRT:

Last week, an unidentified guy robbed a bank in Park Ridge, Illinois. Anyway, the local police and the FBI are still looking for the guy. But, in the meantime, people have been referring to him as the "Winnie the Pooh Bandit" because when he robbed the bank, he was wearing a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt. (--Check out a surveillance photo of the "Winnie the Pooh Bandit" here . . .) (Chicago Breaking News)

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (8-13-09)

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN IS PREGNANT:

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN . . . the eldest Kardashian . . . (--Unless you count their mom) . . . is pregnant.

Kourtney says she's due around Christmastime, but that's pretty much all she'll say. We don't even know who the father is at this point.

Kourtney was once engaged to a guy named Scott Disick . . . whom you would probably only know if you watched that silly reality show, "Keeping Up with the Kardashians".

They've pretty much been on-again, off-again . . . but so-called "sources" say they've been spotted together lately. -Kourtney and her youngest sister have a new reality show premiering on Sunday, called "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami". (--Kourtney is 30. Khloe is 25. Kim will be 29 in October. They also have a 24-year-old brother named Robert, plus two half-sisters and three step-siblings.)

Much has been made recently of the fact that Kourtney actually kisses a bisexual woman on the new show. But Kourtney tamped down any rumors that might be out there by saying, quote, "I feel like I'm definitely into men."

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SHE DID IT AGAIN!!

The BRITNEY SPEARS engagement rumors are back on . . . because Britney went shopping the other day, wearing what looked like an engagement ring. (--Check out some pics here . . .)http://x17online.com/celebrities/britney_spears/britneys_engaged-08122009.php

Britney is dating her agent, one Jason Trawick. But she's already denied more than once that they're engaged.

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NEW DETAILS ON THE MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE CONCERT:

There are a few new details on the MICHAEL JACKSON tribute concert . . . some are confirmed, some are not.

First off, the date HAS been confirmed. The show will happen on September 26th in Vienna, Austria. What HASN'T been confirmed yet is the lineup. JERMAINE JACKSON is supposed to be announcing it soon.

Yesterday, there was word that USHER, LIONEL RICHIE and WHITNEY HOUSTON were set to perform. But then Whitney's spokeswoman came out and said she had no knowledge of Whitney's supposed involvement. It also sounds like MADONNA won't be there. Her name has been mentioned a few times, but her rep says, quote, "It's not true. She's still on tour."

Some promotional materials that went out not too long ago actually listed PRESIDENT OBAMA as, quote, "confirmed talent". (???) Not surprisingly, the White House quickly denied it.

MICHAEL JACKSON COULD BE BURIED IN A PRIVATE GARDEN AT FOREST LAWN CEMETERY:

Still no official word on where or when MICHAEL JACKSON will be buried. But E! Online says it's all close to being finalized. --They say the Jacksons are looking into buying a private garden at Forest Lawn Cemetery, with plots for the whole family. And once the deal is finalized, Michael will be buried there.

Private gardens at Forest Lawn run about $253,000. They're enclosed by brick walls and surrounded by flowers . . . and can hold up to eight burial plots. (--If that's true, that's not nearly enough. Michael leaves behind EIGHT brothers and sisters . . . which means the garden wouldn't even have enough plots for the siblings. Not to mention all their kids . . . plus Katherine and Joe.)

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CHECK OUT THIS HILARIOUS . . . AND FAKE . . . PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM MEGAN FOX:

Check out this hilarious, FAKE, public service announcement MEGAN FOX made to hype her upcoming horror-comedy, "Jennifer's Body" . . .

(WARNING!!! This clip contains two FCC-unfriendly words . and they're NOT bleeped out . . .)
http://www.break.com/index/megan-fox-public-service-announcement.html

"Jennifer's Body" is about a hot high school chick . . . played by Megan, of course . . . who becomes possessed and starts killing and eating the boys in her school. AMANDA SEYFRIED, from "Mamma Mia!", plays a classmate who tries to stop her. It was written by Oscar-winning stripper DIABLO CODY . . . and it comes out on September 18th. You can watch some trailers here . . . http://www.jennifersbody.com/

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"AMERICAN IDOL" INSANITY

THE LATEST ON WHY PAULA ABDUL LEFT "AMERICAN IDOL":

The "New York Times" has published an article claiming that PAULA ABDUL'S decision to leave "American Idol" wasn't a whim or a negotiating tactic . . . and that her frustration with the show was deeper than just money.

Sure, she reportedly wanted to more than TRIPLE her salary. (--She had been making around $3 million per season . . . and we've heard she wanted to have that bumped to at least $10 million.) But there was a reason for that. --A so-called "source close to Paula" says that Paula wanted to make up for an endorsement she lost in 2006 . . . (--with an unnamed "major fashion label".)

Supposedly, Paula believed she lost the endorsement because of the persistent substance abuse rumors that resulted from her bizarre and erratic behavior on "Idol". --And she didn't feel the show did enough to back her up and shoot down those rumors.

The source says, quote, "She perceived that the incident had a negative impact on her career." The "Times" also says she felt "undermined and disrespected for years." --Paula and "Idol" may have been drifting apart for a while now. The "Times" says Paula initially told producers that she would not return unless they could agree on an extension before the end of this past season of "Idol".

Obviously, that didn't happen. (--In fact, as you may remember, in the middle of July, Paula's manager publicly claimed that she had yet to even receive an offer.) --The source adds, quote, "Paula didn't place as much importance on remaining on the show as some other people did. She thinks there are a lot of opportunities out there for her, and she will be fine without that show."

Maybe that was mutual. The "Times" quotes a "person close to the negotiations" saying: "A lot of people at Fox had mixed feelings about Paula. Some of the people who were having to deal with her on a day-to-day basis didn't want her back." (--This is all well and good . . . but you know MONEY is the bottom line. These "frustrations" are really just a result of "Idol" low-balling her.)

(--Does anyone NOT think that if Paula was offered $10 million a year that she'd completely forget about all this . . . or that if "Idol" really wanted her they'd give her a huge raise like they did for RYAN SEACREST and SIMON COWELL???)

So what's Paula's next move??? --There are reports that Paula spent Tuesday afternoon talking with ABC boss Stephen McPherson, who wants her to be a contestant on "Dancing with the Stars".

For what it's worth, TMZ claims she won't be a guest judge on "Dancing", because she, quote, "doesn't get along" with judge CARRIE ANN INABA. There's also talk that ABC is thinking about giving Paula her own show, but there aren't any details on that. (--She's also in talks to do a guest spot on "Ugly Betty".)

"People" magazine says NBC is also interested in doing something with her . . . although they didn't provide any specifics. (--And then there's that speculation about Paula appearing on the fall season of Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance". Plus, there are reports that Paula has also received an offer from "AUSTRALIAN Idol".)

And Paula has posted a message on Twitter saying, quote, "I've got a busy week filled with network meetings. I'm looking forward to all the new projects up ahead." --Of course, there are still a lot of people who believe she'll eventually end up returning to "Idol" . . . and you can count KELLY CLARKSON among them.

In a recent interview, she said, quote, "I totally think they're doing that for drama. I know those producers . . . they're doing that for drama. She's totally probably going to come back." (--Yes, that's a "totally probably" guarantee from Kelly.) (???)

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"DANCING WITH THE STARS" CASTING RUMORS:

ABC will officially announce their next batch of celebrities for "Dancing with the Stars" on "Good Morning America" this coming Monday. But in the meantime, there's a lot of talk online about who MAY be doing the show.

Here's the latest: --First off, there's AARON CARTER, who somehow makes these rumored cast lists every season . . . and yet, he's never actually done the show. Well, he supposedly sent out an announcement on Facebook, which makes it sound like he's finally onboard. -If this IS true, Aaron wrote, quote, "HEY EVERYONE, MY BIG NEWS WILL BE REVEALED LIVE on ABC ON AUG. 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD MORNING AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (--Well, sounds like it could be him. Every single one of those exclamation points signifies a glimmering morsel of HOPE that Aaron has for resurrecting his career.)

Next there's ASHLEY HAMILTON. Who? He's the 34-year-old son of GEORGE HAMILTON . . . who did "Dancing" a few years ago . . . and ALANA STEWART. He was married to SHANNEN DOHERTY for five months back in 1993. -There really isn't anything behind that . . . several sources just say it's happening.

Finally, MediaTakeOut claims that the show made offers to LA TOYA and JERMAINE JACKSON, and their so-called "insider" says they're both interested. (--Here's how bad this site is . . . One: The La Toya rumor is old. Two: They accidentally wrote "JANET JACKSON" instead of La Toya Jackson in the headline . . . and three: Throughout the story, they spell La Toya's name "L-e T-o-y-a".)

By the way, dancer CHERYL BURKE says that the show's producers are making a bunch of changes for this coming season . . . to try to cut down on all the injuries. --Here's Cheryl explaining the new rules: Quote, "We're not allowed to train for more than five hours a day for the first two weeks . . . after every two hours, you have to have a 30-minute break . . . and we have to have one full day off a week."

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AEROSMITH UPDATE:

Here's yet another update on AEROSMITH singer STEVEN TYLER: --Guitarist JOE PERRY says his shoulder blade was broken in two places, and that he hit his head pretty hard . . . but did NOT suffer a concussion or any internal injuries.

He adds, quote, "It was basically like he'd been in a bad bar fight [where] somebody had a baseball bat. They're still running tests . . . MRIs, everything, X-rays. I really don't know what's going on."

(--As of now, Aerosmith will pick up their tour this coming Monday night in Seattle. To be honest though . . . it sounds like Steven's injuries are going to force them to take more time off. We'll let you know when we hear something definite.)

ATTENTION LADIES! READ THIS!!

FOUR TYPES OF WOMEN WHO AREN'T AS ATTRACTIVE AS THEY THINK

Men have always done a lot of stupid stuff to pick up women. But these days there are a lot of girls who think they need to put on a show to pick up guys.

Here are four types of women who THINK they're more attractive than they really are . . .

1.) THE GIRL WHO'S ALWAYS DANCING ON THE BAR. If a woman jumps up on the bar after three shots of tequila . . . that's hot. But if she does it multiple times a night or more than three weekends in a row . . . that's just annoying.

2.) THE GIRL WHO PRETENDS TO BE ONE OF THE GUYS. This is also annoying. For example, a guy can tell when a woman PRETENDS to like sports just as easily as WOMEN can tell when a guy PRETENDS to love shopping.

--On the other hand . . . a GENUINE love of sports is SEXY.

3.) THE DRUNKEN SEDUCTRESS. She's the girl who's always buzzed, likes to be touchy-feely, and thinks flashing her boobs to a bunch of strangers is socially acceptable. Guys might be into her THAT NIGHT, but she's not girlfriend material.

4.) THE GIRL WHO WON'T STOP BRAGGING. Whether you're a man or a woman, bragging is unattractive in general. But as unfair as it might be, WOMEN have a harder time getting away with it than men do.

--When a woman brags about things like her job, her income, her car, or her intelligence, guys tend to feel insecure . . . then gravitate toward the drunk chick dancing on the bar. (Glamour Magazine)

EAT RIGHT AT COLLEGE

HERE ARE SIX DIET TIPS FOR YOUR COLLEGE-BOUND KID:

Let's face it . . . when you send your kid off to college, they really have no clue how to manage their life or eat a proper diet.

With that in mind, here are SIX DIET TIPS for your college-bound kid:

#1.) Don't eat moldy bread: Even if you only see a little bit of mold, there's probably a lot more that you don't see. But you actually CAN eat cheese that's got mold growing on it, so long as you cut out an inch around the moldy spot.

#2.) Dry packaged foods last forever: Well, not forever, but they last a long time. The "Best If Used By" date on foods like Ramen noodles and boxed macaroni and cheese are there so you'll know when the food will taste its best, but it's still okay to eat them after the date has passed.

#3.) Don't eat pizza that's been sitting out all night: Any food that's been sitting out at room temperature for more than two hours is covered in microorganisms and needs to be thrown away.

#4.) Three days in the fridge is the limit for chicken: Any longer than that and it's probably gone bad. If you're worried you're not going to eat it in time, move the chicken to the freezer. You can leave it in there for a lot longer.

#5.) If the milk stinks, toss it: It's probably okay to drink milk that's a day or two past its use-by date, but if you notice any changes in the flavor, consistency or smell, throw it out.

#6.) You can drink bottled water past its expiration date: I mean, come on, water's water. But if you drink it too far past the expiration date, it might not taste that great. (CNN)

NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

A GUY IN FLORIDA BUILT A 40-TON BOAT ALL BY HIMSELF:

For the past seven years, 65-year-old Gil Devenport has been building a boat called the "Sun Chaser" inside a warehouse in Melbourne Beach, Florida. But we're not talking just ANY boat here . . . -We're talking about a boat that's 52 feet long, 22 feet high and weighs 40 TONS. And Gil built the entire thing by HIMSELF.

Anyway, Gil says the Sun Chaser . . . which has a washer and dryer, gas and electric stoves, two showers, a flat-screen TV, and a 3,000-gallon fuel tank . . . is about a month away from hitting the water. There's just one problem . . . -The boat's so big that in order to get it out of the warehouse, Gil's going to have to knock down a wall. (Treasure Coast Palm)
(
--So you know, Gil says the first thing he's going to do when he gets the Sun Chaser in the water is take it down to Peru and Chile. The only downside is that it'll cost about $9,000 in gas EACH WAY just to make the trip. Ouch.)

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THERE ARE FIVE STATES WHERE YOU CAN GET A $1,000 SPEEDING TICKET (AND NH IS ONE OF THEM!!):

If you're taking a road trip this summer, then you should know that there are five states where you can get a $1,000 ticket for a first-time SPEEDING OFFENSE.
-
-So, which states are we talking about?--Georgia--Illinois--Nevada--New Hampshire--North Carolina (AOL Autos)

(--If you're wondering what sort of insanity you'd have to pull to get a $1,000 speeding ticket, well, it depends because it's all up to the judge's discretion to determine your speeding fine.)

(--But, typically, it depends on how many miles per hour over the speed limit a driver was going, and whether or not they were driving in an area with speed restrictions, like in a school or construction zone.) (--That said, if you get a $1,000 speeding ticket, chances are you had it coming. So if you just don't drive like an idiot, you won't have to worry about this, OK?)

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DID YOU KNOW THAT WEARING FLIP-FLOPS . . . COULD KILL YOU???

Summer's almost over, but just in case you were planning on enjoying what's left of it we thought you should know . . . those flip-flops you've been wearing . . . could KILL YOU. Scientists at the University of Arizona say that 93% of all footwear tests positive . . . for FECAL BACTERIA.

And one out of every five shoes also test positive for E. COLI. --If you've been wearing your flip-flops with no socks, chances are some of those disgusting germs . . . made their way to YOUR FEET.

A separate study had people walk around New York City wearing flip-flops for four days. --When the researchers tested the shoes, they found the bacteria that causes STAPH INFECTIONS (--which can be fatal). (NY Daily News)

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HARVARD UNIVERSITY HAS JUST COME OUT WITH ITS OWN . . . CLOTHING LINE???

This is going to sound like a joke, but, unfortunately, it's NOT . . . --Harvard University has just come out with its own FASHION LINE called Harvard Yard.

No, you heard that correctly. Harvard, one of the most respected universities in the world, has just launched its own line of men's sportswear.

So why in the world did Harvard feel the need to do this? --According to a Harvard spokesman, quote, "This isn't really something different or new for the university since Harvard has always licensed a wide range of apparel products . . . and has always viewed the licensing of upscale items as a part of Harvard's overall apparel licensing program."

The Harvard Yard line will arrive in stores next spring with shirts selling for $160 and up, pants starting at $195, and blazers going for $495. (Boston Globe / Guardian)

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HAPPY DOGS!!

What makes your dog happy? Sixty-two-percent of dog owners taking part in an ALPO dog food survey say their arrival home is the happiest time for their four-legged friend. Being outside is another favorite dog activity, with 52-percent noting their pooch is pleased to go for runs or walks. Treats are good, too.

Nearly 50-percent believe their dog is happiest when they get a biscuit, and 30-percent say chewing on a bone thrills Fido. Dogs also enjoy their downtime. Just over 30-percent say their pup is very happy to take naps on the couch.

Dog expert Brian Kilcommons explains that it doesn't take much to have a happy hound. He says dogs, quote, "are happiest when they can express their true inner-dogness -- instinctual behaviors including sniffing, digging, eating, playing, and sleeping that are in their DNA and define what it means to enjoy a dog's life." (St. Louis, MO)

SALUTE 2 MEATBALL CRIMINALS (8-12-09)

A GUY STOLE $25,000 WORTH OF STUFF FROM HIS NEIGHBOR . . . THEN TRIED TO SELL IT AT A YARD SALE TWO DAYS LATER:

Police officers have an incredibly difficult job, so they must love it when an idiot criminal does all the work for them, like THIS guy . . . Last week, awoman from Severn, Maryland called the police to report that someone had broken into her house and taken $25,000 worth of stuff. So the police filed a report and started an investigation.

But just two days later, the woman called the cops again to report that her neighbor, 46-year-old David Perticone, was holding a yard sale . . . and SELLING ALL HER STUFF. The cops showed up and arrested David.

He's been charged with first-degree burglary and fourth-degree burglary and theft. If he's convicted, he could get up to 23 YEARS in prison.

(The only thing I don't get is how David figured he was going to get away with this. I mean, unless he thought his neighbor was BLIND, it just doesn't make sense. Of course, I suppose that's the beauty of it.) (WBAL News 11- Baltimore)

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A GUY IN CALIFORNIA WAS TRYING TO SELL A 37-INCH FLAT-SCREEN TV . . . THAT WAS ACTUALLY AN OVEN DOOR IN DISGUISE:

I understand that times are tough right now and that we're all doing what we can to get by, but THIS is just not cool . . . --Last week, 52-year-old Anthony Myles of Richmond, California was arrested for driving on a suspended license. But the reason Anthony was pulled over in the first place is much more interesting.

Get this . . . --It seems Anthony had been hanging out in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart trying to sell a 37-inch flat-screen TV for $100 . . . which is a great price. Except that it WASN'T actually a flat-screen TV Anthony was trying to sell. It was a GLASS OVEN DOOR that he'd disguised with stickers and other nonsense to make it LOOK like a flat-screen TV.

According to the cop who arrested Anthony, quote, "It was very ingenious. If you were a bargain hunter, you might think, 'Wow, this is the deal of the day.'" (Oakland Tribune)

(--And that is exactly why you don't buy electronics, or anything else for that matter, out of the back of a truck, no matter how good the deal sounds.)

(--Check out a photo of the oven door Anthony was trying to pass off as a TV . . .)

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (8-12-09)

KELLY CLARKSON WAS SERIOUSLY AIRBRUSHED FOR THE COVER OF "SELF" MAGAZINE:

In the new issue of "Self" magazine, KELLY CLARKSON says, quote, "When people talk about my weight, I'm like, 'You seem to have a problem with it; I don't. I'm fine!'

"I'm never trying to lose weight . . . or gain it. I'm just being!" --

That's a great quote from a woman who's NOT naturally small . . . but who doesn't care.

Sadly, the magazine totally undercuts Kelly's attitude by featuring a cover picture in which she's Photoshopped to look a lot thinner than she really is.

Well, people started calling "Self" out on that cover pic, so they responded by saying . . . THEY REALLY DON'T CARE.

"Self" Editor-in-Chief Lucy Danziger posted a message on the magazine's website saying, basically, that there's no law saying their pictures have to portray reality. -She said, quote, "This is art, creativity and collaboration. It's not, as in a news photograph, journalism. It is, however, meant to inspire women to want to be their best. That is the point. --"Did we alter her appearance? Only to make her look her personal best. Did we publish an act of fiction? No. Not unless you think all photos are that. --"But in the sense that Kelly is the picture of confidence, and she truly is, then I think this photo is the truest we have ever put out there on the newsstand."

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MICHAEL JACKSON MADNESS

A PHARMACY WHERE MICHAEL JACKSON'S DOCTOR ALLEGEDLY BOUGHT PROPOFOL WAS RAIDED YESTERDAY:

The Drug Enforcement Agency served a warrant yesterday at a place called Applied Pharmacy Services in Las Vegas. --All anyone would say officially is that they were looking for DOCUMENTS. But "sources" say investigators believe DR. CONRAD MURRAY purchased the powerful anesthetic PROPOFOL there.

Murray is the man who was with MICHAEL JACKSON when he died . . . and propofol is the drug believed to have killed him. Sources also say that Dr. Murray appears to have purchased the drug LEGALLY. (--Of course, that doesn't let Dr. Murray off the hook if he was giving Michael propofol as a SLEEPING AID . . . and in his own bedroom.) If those things aren't outright illegal, they're probably at the very least unethical.

MICHAEL JACKSON HAS *NOT* BEEN BURIED YET:

MICHAEL JACKSON'S father, JOE JACKSON, has confirmed that Michael's body has NOT been buried yet . . . despite a pretty widespread rumor that he'd been secretly laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery.

As for WHERE and WHEN Michael will be buried . . . there's STILL no plan. Although Joe supports the idea of moving Neverland to Las Vegas and doing it there. --He says, quote, "I think Vegas would be great. The fans would come."

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PHOEBE CATES' TOPLESS SCENE IN "FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH" HAS BEEN NAMED THE BEST CELEBRITY NUDE SCENE OF ALL TIME:

The editors at MrSkin.com have put together a list of the Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes of All Time. And it's hard to argue with their #1 pick.--They went with PHOEBE CATES' erotic strip tease in 1982's "Fast Times at Ridgemont High". The rest of the list is, of course, debatable.

Mr. Skin says, quote, "This is the celebrity nude scene to which all other celebrity nude scenes must answer. "The power of this moment comes from a young star at her most beautiful, a sexy slow-motion build-up, and the relatable circumstance of a teenage crush on your sister's hot friend. --"After 'Fast Times', Phoebe Cates never did a topless scene again. Her work was done!"

--Here's the Top 10 . . .
#1.) PHOEBE CATES, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", 1982
#2.) ANGELINA JOLIE, "Gia", 1998
#3.) SHARON STONE, "Basic Instinct", 1992
#4.) JESSICA BIEL, "Powder Blue", 2009
#5.) MARISA TOMEI, "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead", 2007
#6.) KELLY PRESTON, "Mischief", 1985
#7.) HALLE BERRY, "Swordfish", 2001
#8.) EVA GREEN, "The Dreamers", 2003
#9.) ALYSSA MILANO, "Embrace of the Vampire", 1995
#10.) ANNE HATHAWAY, "Havoc", 2005

(--You can enjoy the complete list . . . along with detailed descriptions of the scenes themselves . . . at this link . . .)http://www.mrskin.com/top100

THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT

FIVE COMPLIMENTS WOMEN LOVE TO HEAR

Women are complicated creatures. Each one is different, but there's one thing that ALL women like . . . and that's a sincere compliment.

Here are five compliments that every woman in the world loves to hear . . .

1.) "NO ONE COULD REPLACE YOU". If you've ever had a bad break-up, you know that the worst part comes later . . . when you find out you've been replaced by someone new. Saying no one can replace her is like saying you'll never leave.

2.) "YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE". It sounds dramatic, but women LOVE drama. And it lets her know you appreciate the effort she puts into the relationship.

3.) "YOU'RE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE". It can make her day, week, or even YEAR if you say it and MEAN it. Women have to deal with a lot of pressure to LOOK and ACT perfect. So it's nice to be validated every now and then.

4.) "I LOVE YOUR EYES". It doesn't have to be her EYES. It could be her smile, her legs, her hair, or even her laugh. Just be sure what you say is genuine, and don't pick a random feature. Just think . . . What's her best physical feature, and why do you like it?

5.) "I'M PROUD OF YOU". We all need support. So pay attention to goals she's trying to accomplish. Whether she's paying down credit card debt, trying to lose weight, or putting in extra hours at work, let her know you're proud of her efforts. (YourTango.com)

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR COUNTRY?

COULD YOU PASS A U.S. CITIZENSHIP TEST???

You may know that when an immigrant wants to become a U.S. citizen, they have to pass a civics test as part of the naturalization process.

Well, we found some sample questions that are on the actual INS citizenship exam, and we thought it might be fun to see just how many you can answer.

#1.) When was the Declaration of Independence adopted? (--Answer: July 4th, 1776)

#2.) Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court? (--Answer: JOHN G. ROBERTS)

#3.) How many Supreme Court justices are there? (--Answer: 9)

#4.) How many stripes are there on the U.S. flag? (--Answer: 13 . . . seven red stripes and six white)

#5.) What do the stripes on the U.S. flag represent? (--Answer: The 13 original states . . . which are Connecticut, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Rhode Island and Maryland)

#6.) What is the introduction to the Constitution called? (--Answer: The Preamble)

#7.) What are the first ten amendments to the Constitution called? (--Answer: The Bill of Rights)

#8.) Overall, how many amendments are there to the Constitution? (--Answer: 27)

#9.) Who has the power to declare war? (--Answer: Congress . . . NOT the president)

#10.) Who said "Give me liberty or give me death"? (--Answer: PATRICK HENRY)
(MSNBC)

(--You can link to more citizenship questions here . . .)http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13442226/

NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

CUBA IS ABOUT TO RUN OUT OF . . . TOILET PAPER???

On Friday, officials in Cuba announced that the country is about to run out of TOILET PAPER, and it may not be able to afford to buy more until the end of the year.

So why is Cuba so strapped for cash? --Well, just like everywhere else, Cuba has been affected by the global financial crisis. But on top of that, Cuba was hit by three hurricanes last year and the damage was so severe that the government was forced to redirect $10 BILLION away from so-called "non-essential" products such as toilet paper in order to buy food and reconstruction supplies.

According to an official at one state-run conglomerate, quote, "The corporation has taken all the steps so that at the end of the year there will be an important importation of toilet paper." (Yahoo News)

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HERE ARE FOUR COLORS THAT LOOK GOOD ON EVERY WOMAN . . . REGARDLESS OF HER SKIN TONE OR HAIR COLOR:

Ladies . . . if you have a hard time finding clothes that look good on you because of your skin tone or hair color, well, then I'm about to make your day.

According to fashion experts, there are FOUR COLORS which look good on every woman, regardless of her skin tone or hair color. So what are they?

#1.) Eggplant . . . which is a dark shade of purple
#2.) True Red . . . which is, well, yeah, RED
#3.) Indian Teal . . . which is a shade of blue
#4.) And Mellow Rose . . . which is somewhere between light pink and peach (Yahoo Shopping)

(--Check out some examples of each of these colors here . . .)http://shopping.yahoo.com/articles/yshoppingarticles/256/the-4-universally-flattering-clothing-colors/

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HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE "SKINNY JEANS WORKOUT"???

In case you haven't noticed, all the "cool" people have started wearing super-tight SKINNY JEANS. The only problem is that in order to pull off the "skinny jeans look", you have to be in pretty good shape.

Enter the Skinny Jeans Workout, which is a series of exercises specifically designed to make you look good in skinny jeans. So just which exercises are we talking about?

Basically, the Skinny Jeans Workout is a combination of ballet, stretching and light weight training that's focused on slimming your thighs and backside, and toning your midsection so your gut doesn't hang over the top of your jeans.

(--Many gyms are beginning to offer Skinny Jeans Workout classes. Check to see if yours is. Or don't.)

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (8-11-09)

A RUNDOWN OF LAST NIGHT'S TEEN CHOICE AWARDS:

The Teen Choice Awards aired last night. (--They were taped on Sunday.) The actual awards were basically a celebration of anything and everything related to "Twilight" . . . but there were some amusing moments in between.

Here's a rundown: --First off, there's MILEY CYRUS. She took home SIX awards . . . but it was her so-called "provocative pole dancing routine" that people are talking about. It happened while Miley was performing her new single, "Party in the USA".

A mobile platform with a pole on it was wheeled out onstage. Miley stepped on it . . . then crouched, straddling the pole. Then she stood up and held onto the pole as she was pushed across the stage, danced a little and jumped off the platform.

Whether or not Miley's dancing was "provocative" is questionable. But when you see a pole like that, you think STRIPPER POLE. Plus, Miley was wearing very short shorts, and you have to wonder WHY no one thought this might be a bad idea. (--Judge for yourself. You can see video below. It's really the "dip-down-and-straddle" move Miley does at about the 1:14 mark that's controversial, if anything. What do you think?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIS5oy28_BY

There were some silly moments as well . . . like when MIKE TYSON showed up onstage to cut off a chunk of JOE JONAS' hair. (???)(--Here's video of that . . .)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQh_ZhTWf34

As for the awards, "Twilight" won 11 of the 12 categories it was up for . . . and the JONAS BROTHERS won FIVE awards . . . one less than Miley. (--You can see a FULL LIST of all the winners, by scrolling down at this link . . .)http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b138542_twilight_takes_bite_out_of_teen_choice.html

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BROOKS & DUNN ARE SPLITTING UP AFTER THEIR NEXT TOUR:

BROOKS & DUNN announced on their website yesterday that they're calling it quits. But first, they'll finish up some business. They're dropping an album in the fall . . . and will launch a farewell tour NEXT YEAR. Here's their official announcement . . .

To Our Fans:After 20 years of making music and riding this trail together, we have agreed as a duo that it's time to call it a day. This ride has been everything and more than we could ever have dreamed . . .

We owe it all to you, the fans. If you hear rumors, don't believe them, it's just time. We will release our (album) "#1's . . . And Then Some" on September 8th and bid you farewell one last time in 2010, with "The Last Rodeo Tour". (dates to be announced).Brooks & Dunn

--I've never heard one report of a shouting match or fisticuffs between KIX BROOKS and RONNIE DUNN . . . so I'm going to believe their statement that "it's just time." It is pretty clear though, that each of them will stay in the business and do their own thing. (--Brooks & Dunn's debut album, "Brand New Man", came out in 1991 . . . and the first four singles ALL hit #1. They haven't slowed down since. They've sold more albums than any duo in any genre, except SIMON & GARFUNKEL.)

Brooks & Dunn's awards show dominance is also legendary and includes three ACM Entertainer of the Year Awards . . . 16 ACM Top Vocal Duos trophies . . . 14 CMA Vocal Duo of the Year awards . . . and two Grammys.

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SIMON COWELL IS GETTING HIS SALARY RAISED . . . TO $45 MILLION A YEAR!!!

"American Idol" wouldn't pay PAULA ABDUL the $10 million a year she wanted . . . but here's how much they value SIMON COWELL: They're in final negotiations to bump his salary up to $45 million. A YEAR.

Seriously. Simon WAS making a mere $36 million a year. The new deal keeps him in the judge's seat for two seasons past the one they just started filming . . . which premieres in January.

Yes, that seems like a RIDICULOUS amount to pay someone. But keep in mind that "Idol" took in $850 million in ad revenue last year. --RYAN SEACREST just signed a $45 million deal, but it stretches over three years.

Is one person worth $45 million a year . . . even on a show that's raking in $850 million??? I guess the bigger question is, could "American Idol" survive and still be the RATINGS MONSTER that it is, WITHOUT Simon??? Discuss.

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MICHAEL JACKSON MADNESS

MARK LESTER NOW SAYS HE'S *NOT* THE FATHER OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S DAUGHTER:

Former child actor MARK LESTER . . . (--Who played the lead in 1968's "Oliver!") . . . now claims he's NOT the father of MICHAEL JACKON'S daughter Paris. --After making it sound like he might be their dad in an interview with Britain's "News of the World" tabloid over the weekend, Mark dialed it WAY back while talking to E! News yesterday.

He now says, quote, "I'm sure, as far as I know, they were all [Michael's]."

MICHAEL JACKSON HAS BEEN BURIED AT FOREST LAWN CEMETERY . . . OR HAS HE???

Several media outlets are reporting that MICHAEL JACKSON was secretly buried in a quick ceremony at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Hollywood. According to at least one story, he was buried in an UNMARKED grave so that fans wouldn't be able to find it.

A so-called "source" says, quote, "The fear is that thousands of Jackson fans will descend on the cemetery and damage or deface the grave." --But E! Online says all these reports are WRONG . . . Michael has NOT been buried there or anywhere else yet.

THE AUTOPSY RESULTS ARE IN . . . BUT THE LAPD WANTS THEM KEPT UNDER WRAPS FOR A WHILE:

Those who've been waiting patiently for the results of MICHAEL JACKSON'S autopsy will be frustrated to know that they're in . . . but you can't see them yet. --The Los Angeles Police Department has asked the coroner's office to sit on the report for a while . . . because releasing it now could mess with their investigation.

What that probably means is that the CAUSE OF DEATH listed on the final coroner's report will probably indicate that others were responsible for Michael's death. And police don't want any potential suspects tipped off while they're still trying to piece this thing together.

KEEPING THE KIDS SAFE DURING A DIVORCE

FOUR THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T TELL A CHILD DURING A DIVORCE

Divorce is complicated no matter what. But it's MUCH more complicated when kids are involved. Most parents want the best for their kids . . . and they try hard to keep them OUT of the divorce. But sometimes emotions get the best of you.

--Here are four of the worst things parents can say to kids during a divorce . . .

1.) "IF YOU BEHAVED YOURSELF, WE WOULDN'T BE SO MAD AT EACH OTHER". Kids DO complicate things, but they're NOT responsible for your relationship problems. Even if you don't mean it, blaming the kids can scar them for life.

2.) "YOUR MOM IS A TRAMP" OR "YOUR FATHER CHEATED". Remember, the other person is STILL your child's parent. To a young kid, both parents are perfect. Punishing each other by blabbing to the kids will hurt THEM more than anyone else.

3.) "I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER, BUT YOUR FATHER DOESN'T". It might be the truth, but if you say it to your kids, you're just looking for sympathy or revenge. Whether you split up or stay together, you children shouldn't know the details.

4.) "SORRY I DIDN'T PICK YOU UP. I WAS REALLY BUSY". If you're splitting time with the kids, and YOU'RE supposed to spend time with them, DO IT. Kids remember that stuff . . . and they'll feel abandoned.

--If you HAVE to cancel at the last minute, give your kids a better explanation than "I was busy". They're smart enough to understand as long as you have a good reason. (Intent.com)