December 18, 2009 - Blog

HO-HO-HO HOLIDAY STUFF!

IS SANTA A BAD ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR KIDS?

Yesterday, a group of researchers from Monash University in Australia published a study in the "British Medical Journal" outlining why they think Santa Claus is a BAD ROLE MODEL for your children.

Here's their logic . . . --According to the study, the current idea of Santa promotes dangerous and unhealthy behaviors, including:--Obesity--Smoking . . . because some depictions of Santa show him with a pipe or cigar--Driving under the influence . . . because he drinks brandy while he's out delivering gifts --Speeding, not wearing a seatbelt, and showing a general disregard for the rules of the road--Extreme activities such as "roof surfing" and "chimney jumping" (???)--And, presumably, he also promotes animal cruelty by forcing reindeer to pull his sleigh . . . not to mention other criminal behavior, such as breaking and entering.

According to the study, quote, "We need to be aware that Santa has an ability to influence people, and especially children, towards unhealthy behavior."--Fortunately, the researchers came up with some suggestions on how Santa can clean up his image. Get this:#1.) Instead of riding in a sleigh pulled by reindeer, Santa could walk, jog or ride a bike.#2.) And instead of filling up on cookies and alcohol, Santa could eat carrots and celery sticks. (Yahoo News)


HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO GET YOUR KID TO SMILE WHILE SITTING ON SANTA'S LAP:

Let's face it . . . your typical mall Santa is a little creepy. And getting your kid to smile for the photo while sitting on Santa's lap is like planning the D-Day invasion. --But never fear: We've got a list of tips to get your kid to crack a smile . . . from a website called Holidash.com. Check it out:

#1.) Reverse psychology . . . the logic is that when you tell your kids NOT to do something, it increases the chances that they actually WILL. #2.) Making funny faces#3.) Telling Santa that your kid wants something ridiculous for Christmas like, say, a "ball of snot." The hope is that Junior then will chime in and tell Santa what he REALLY wants for Christmas.#4.) Fart jokes#5.) And, finally, when all else fails . . . you can always resort to BRIBERY. (Holidash)

(--Fart jokes, manipulation, bribery . . . isn't the Internet full of terrific parenting advice???)(--And now, please enjoy some photos taken with sketchy mall Santas here . . .)http://www.sketchysantas.com/


A 4-YEAR-OLD BROKE INTO HIS NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE, OPENED ALL THEIR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, AND STOLE A BEER:

Now it's time to recognize the NAUGHTIEST little kid in the world . . . an unidentified 4-year-old boy from Middle Valley, Tennessee (--about 20 miles northeast of Chattanooga). --On Monday, he woke up in the middle of the night. And from there . . . well . . . you're really not going to believe what this kid did. Get this . . .

#1.) He snuck out of his mom's house.#2.) He broke into the home of a neighbor . . . a guy named Logan Pugh.#3.) And he opened all the presents underneath Logan's Christmas tree. But it doesn't end there . . . #4.) Eventually, the boy's mother realized he was gone and called the police. When they showed up, they found him at the end of the street wearing a DRESS he'd stolen from Logan's house, and DRINKING A BEER.

To recap, the little boy broke into Logan's house . . . opened all his Christmas presents . . . stole a dress . . . and drank a beer from his refrigerator. --Logan says, quote, "I don't know how a 4-year-old could think of this. He got in and out of the house without waking anybody up. They found him at the end of the street DRINKING A BEER, walking around like it was nothing . . . I don't know what he was thinking."

Child Services has removed the boy from his mother's home. He's now staying with relatives. (WRCB News 3 - Chattanooga)


A BOY SCOUT FOUND A STOLEN PURSE CONTAINING $1,900 AND RETURNED IT TO ITS OWNER:

These days, it seems like we only ever hear about kids who are making BAD choices and screwing up their lives. So we'd like to recognize a GOOD kid for a change . . . an 11-year-old Boy Scout from Greensboro, North Carolina, named Edward Myers.

On Saturday, Edward, his mother, Donna, and his two siblings were helping neighbors plant trees at a nearby park when he spotted a waterlogged purse on the bank of a creek. --When Edward opened it up, he noticed a wallet containing nineteen $100 bills. If you failed math class, that adds up to $1,900. --Apparently, the purse had been stolen from a car on Thanksgiving weekend. But the thief had only taken the $30 that was in the wallet's main pocket, without noticing the $1,900 in the side pocket.

Long story short, the police were able to track down the owner of the wallet. And, as a reward, she gave Edward one of the $100 bills. --Edward used $60 of his reward money to buy a Carolina Panthers jersey. And, true to form, he gave the rest to his mother. (--Way to be, Edward. If only we all were a little more like you.) (Greensboro News and Record)


HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW

TIGER TALES: IF YOU BELIEVE THE VARIOUS TABLOIDS, TIGER WOODS IS EATING CEREAL, WATCHING CARTOONS AND GOLFING AT NIGHT:

Nobody's seen TIGER WOODS since before Thanksgiving . . . and nobody knows what he's been up to. --But if you believe the various tabloid reports, he's been spending his time eating cereal, watching cartoons and golfing by himself at night.

The "eating cereal and watching cartoons" thing comes from "Showbiz Spy". They claim that's how Tiger is coping with his problems. --He may watch something other than just cartoons, but one thing he CAN'T watch is ESPN . . . because they're constantly running updates on all the problems that his RESTLESS GENITALIA caused him.

A so-called "source" says, quote, "There is a real concern among his friends that he is dealing with the situation in a very unhealthy way. I've been trying to get to him and can't. It's very frustrating." --Meanwhile, "Us Weekly" says Tiger has been hitting a local golf course late at night to blow off steam.

A source says, quote, "He goes after dark so he can't be seen. For him, what's more therapeutic than hitting golf balls, the thing he's best at in the whole world?"

ELIN NORDEGREN IS 100% LEAVING TIGER . . . ALLEGEDLY:

The gossip media is sticking to its story that ELIN NORDEGREN is divorcing TIGER WOODS. --A so-called "source" told ABC News that, quote, "A divorce is 100% on." But it may not happen anytime soon.

The source says, quote, "She's going to take her sweet time. She wants all the dirty laundry to be out on the table before she signs anything." --Tiger and Elin are still getting therapy . . . but the source says that the sessions just amount to Tiger, quote, "apologizing over and over again."

Tiger Woods has lost a few sponsors . . . but he may have also gained one. The New York City strip club Scores is offering Tiger $1 million to be their pitchman AND their human resources director.

Part of the deal would include Scores opening a new "Tiger Woods Room". (--This is obviously nothing but a publicity stunt. But it worked. At least it did on me.)


BENGALS RECEIVER CHRIS HENRY HAS DIED:

Cincinnati Bengals receiver CHRIS HENRY died at the hospital yesterday . . . a day after he fell out of the back of a moving pickup truck during a dispute with his fiancée. He was 26.

Henry . . . who was sidelined for the rest of the season with a broken forearm . . . got into an altercation with his fiancée at her family's home near Charlotte, North Carolina.

She got into the truck and drove away, but he jumped in the back as she was pulling out. Henry was found in the street about a half-mile away.

Homicide detectives are investigating the case . . . but no charges have been filed. At least not yet. (--As we learned from Michael Jackson's death, "homicide" isn't the same as murder. It just means someone is responsible for someone else's death. In this case, they're obviously trying to determine whether to pin this on Henry's fiancée.)

Police released two 911 calls that were made Wednesday. The first was from a woman who was following behind the truck. She said Henry was shirtless, with his arm in a cast, and was pounding on the truck.

The second call came from a man who discovered Henry already lying in the road, unconscious. (--You can listen to the calls here . . .)http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/o28/player/audio/121709_chris_henry_both_911_1-2.mp3

Henry died at about 6:30 yesterday morning. --After the team found out about Henry's death, quarterback CARSON PALMER called the players together and suggested they dedicate the rest of the season to Henry and the wife of defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer . . . who died unexpectedly in October.

The Bengals will wear stickers on their helmets in Henry's memory when they play the San Diego Chargers on Sunday. --Bengals owner Mike Brown released the following statement . . . quote, "We knew him in a different way than his public persona. He had worked through the troubles in his life and had finally seemingly reached the point where everything was going to blossom.

"And he was going to have the future we all wanted for him. It's painful to us. We feel it in our hearts, and we will miss him." -Henry had numerous scrapes with the law over the years, and was suspended five times during his NFL career. He was released by the Bengals in 2008, but owner Mike Brown had a change of heart and gave him another chance.


JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE HAS A GREATER IMPACT ON HIS CHARITY THAN ANY OTHER CELEBRITY:

A website called The Daily Beast set out to determine which celebrity has the most impact . . . in terms of dollars raised . . . for his or her pet charity. And they found that celebrity to be . . . JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.

What they did was take the biggest the celebrities and look at the charity each of those celebs is most associated with.

Then they calculated how much awareness each celebrity brings to his or her pet cause in print, on TV and online. They also factored in personal donations to the charity from each celebrity. --Explaining exactly how they calculated all of this would bore you, quite frankly. So let's skip all that and get right to the dollar amounts.

On the following page, you'll find the 10 most impactful celebrities . . . along with the charities they represent, and the amount of money they generate for it every year . . .#1.) JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, Shriner's Hospital for Children, $9.3 million#2.) MADONNA, Raising Malawi, $5.5 million#3.) PAMELA ANDERSON, PETA, $4.8 million#4.) OPRAH WINFREY, Oprah's Angel Network, $3.9 million (--In related news, Oprah just gave $1.5 million to the Ron Clark Academy, a private, inner-city middle school in Atlanta.)#5.) BONO, ONE Foundation, $3.6 million#6.) ANGELINA JOLIE, UNHCR, $3 million (--That's the U.N.'s refugee agency.)#7.) RIHANNA, UNICEF, $2.3 million#8.) GEORGE CLOONEY, United Nations, $2.2 million#9.) SALMA HAYEK, UNICEF, $1.6 million#10.) SHAKIRA, UNICEF, $1.3 million

MOVIE TRAILER

Children of the '80s warned Hollywood to keep its stinking paws off "Clash of the Titans" . . . but some studio went ahead and remade it anyway. The new version doesn't come out until March, but the trailer hit the Net yesterday. (--Check it out . . .)http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/clashofthetitans/(--I don't see any silly, anachronistic mechanical owls, so at least they did SOMETHING right.)

X-MEN

Director BRYAN SINGER is returning to the "X-Men" franchise. He says, quote, "I, just yesterday, signed a deal to do an 'X-Men: First Class' picture, which is kind of cool. I'm very excited."

Singer wrote and directed the first two "X-Men" movies, but backed out of the third to make that misguided "Superman Returns" movie. (--"X-Men: First Class" is a comic book that follows the adventures of the first five X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, Iceman and Angel.) (--If they follow the timeline set forth in the previous films, however, Angel and Iceman CAN'T be part of the original X-Men. Singer would have to find another way to deal with that.)


JOHN FRUSCIANTE HAS LEFT THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS:

A few months ago, THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS announced that they'd ended their nearly two-year hiatus . . . and had started work on their next album. --But one member won't be back. Yesterday, guitarist JOHN FRUSCIANTE confirmed speculation that he'd left the band . . . again. And it isn't REALLY breaking news . . . John actually walked away a while ago. --In a post on his website, he says, quote, "When I quit the band, over a year ago, we were on an indefinite hiatus.

There was no drama or anger involved, and the other guys were very understanding. They are supportive of my doing whatever makes me happy and that goes both ways."

John has been a part of the band's most successful periods. He joined in 1988, just before they released their breakout album, "Mother's Milk". Then, he quit in the middle of the "Blood Sugar Sex Magik" tour in 1992.

It was not a friendly split. John was regularly butting heads with the Peppers, especially singer ANTHONY KIEDIS, over the band's sound. John was also using heroin at the time, and was not comfortable with how popular they'd become. --He then rejoined the band in 1998 . . . after rehabbing for heroin addiction. -But even though John says there was "no drama" this time . . . he quit for the same reason he left 15 years ago.

He says, quote, "To put it simply, my musical interests have led me in a different direction. Upon rejoining, and throughout my time in the band, I was very excited about exploring the musical possibilities inherent in a rock band, and doing so with those people in particular. --"A couple of years ago, I began to feel that same excitement again, but this time it was about making a different kind of music, alone, and being my own engineer.

"I really love the band and what we did. [But] over the last 12 years, I have changed, as a person and artist, to such a degree that to do further work along the lines I did with the band would be to go against my own nature.

"There was no choice involved in this decision. I simply have to be what I am, and have to do what I must do. Sending love and gratitude to you all." --The Red Hot Chili Peppers have not officially commented on John's departure. So there's no word on a replacement. There's talk that they're working with a guitarist named Josh Klinghoffer . . . but his status with the band is unclear.


AND NOW . . . DEFINITIVE PROOF THAT FACEBOOK IS SAVING THE WORLD:

If you've somehow managed to avoid signing up for Facebook, I commend you on your ability to "buck the trend." But I also think you should know that Facebook is saving the world . . . one profile at a time. Here are three perfect examples . . .#1.) Jonathan Pavlin is a student at the University of Florida. On Monday morning, Jonathan realized that someone had stolen his car from outside his apartment building.

So Jonathan started a Facebook group asking people to keep an eye out for his car . . . an orange Mazda 3. And less than 48 hours later, someone spotted Jonathan's car just a few miles from where it was stolen, and called the police. --Jonathan's car has since been returned to him. (WCJB News 20 - Gainesville)(--You can link to the full story here . . .)http://www.wcjb.com/news/5749/facebook-group-leads-to-stolen-car-recovery

In 1989, two teens named Christopher Astle and Emily Yanich-Fithian discovered a newborn baby girl someone had abandoned on the doorstep of a townhouse in Fairfax, Virginia (--about 20 miles west of Washington, D.C.).

After calling the police, the authorities took the baby, and a few months later she was adopted. End of story, right? Wrong. --Two weeks ago, Christopher and Emily each received a message on Facebook from a 20-year-old college student named Mia Flemming. --She wanted to know if they'd once found a baby left at a stranger's door. And if so, she wanted to thank them because the little girl was HER. (Washington Post)(--You can link to the full story here . . .)http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/16/AR2009121604240.html


50-year-old John Burge lives in Cedar Rapids, Iowa (--in the eastern part of the state). He has polycystic kidney disease, and two years ago he was placed on a donor list behind 80,000 other people. As of September, he was still waiting. --That's when his son, 22-year-old Matthew, posted a status update on Facebook asking if anyone would be willing to donate a kidney to his dad. Less than 30 minutes later, 24-year-old Nick Etten responded that if they had the same blood type, he'd do it.

The transplant was scheduled to take place yesterday. (KCRG News 9 - Cedar Rapids)(--You can link to the full story here . . .)http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/79448322.html


NAZZY'S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) Here's the past decade . . . in seven minutes.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfhTPaqKEAE(Search Terms: Newsweek video "The Decade In 7 Minutes")

#2.) JOEL SCHUMACHER directed this "sexting" PSA that features a naked girl explaining why sending her boyfriend dirty text messages isn't a big deal.http://www.athinline.org/videos/2-public-nudity(Search Terms: "A Thin Line" Joel Schumacher "Public Nudity" PSA)

#3.) These foreign news anchors put a puppy up on the news desk . . . and were shocked when it promptly took a dump. (--The guy on the right squeals at :17.)http://www.break.com/index/dog-poops-during-live-news-segment.html(Search Terms: dog poops during live news segment video)

#4.) A minor league hockey game was delayed when a bat flew onto the ice. But three hockey players eventually teamed up and killed it by shooting it into the boards like a hockey puck. (--The killing begins at :16.)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDpXO8EAhIg(Search Terms: "Gamblesr win batty game" video)

#5.) Check out Gawker's compilation of the 100 Best Viral Videos of 2009 . . . in three minutes.http://tv.gawker.com/5426852/the-top-100-videos-of-2009-in-less-than-3-minutes(Search Terms: the top 100 videos of 2009 in less than 3 minutes)


FIVE STEPS TO HELP YOU RE-GIFT WITH CLASS:
Most people have less money this year than they did last Christmas. And when you're on a tight holiday budget, re-gifting can be a good way to save a little money . . . but only if you do it right. Here are five steps to help you re-gift with class . . .

STEP #1.) MAKE SURE YOU WON'T GET CAUGHT. Obviously, make sure you never re-gift something to the person who gave it to you. But you also need to make sure they don't find out if you give their gift to someone else. --So don't re-gift within the same extended family, and don't re-gift to a friend of the person who gave you the gift in the first place.

STEP #2.) GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT. Don't re-gift something just to be rid of it. Match your unwanted gifts with people who might actually like them.

STEP #3.) USE NICE WRAPPING PAPER. Don't just put a bow on something and throw it under the tree. You're less likely to get caught if you use nice wrapping paper and ribbon, or a holiday gift bag and tissue paper.

STEP #4.) INCLUDE A CARD. Cards don't cost much, and they make your present seem more legit. Plus, it adds a personal touch.STEP #5.) PAIR IT WITH SOMETHING ELSE. A recycled gift doesn't have to be the only thing you give the person. If you don't think it's nice enough, buy something inexpensive to go with it. (eHow.com)

FIVE HOLIDAY DATE IDEAS:

Christmas is next week, and Hanukkah ends tomorrow, so this weekend is all about the holidays. But that doesn't mean you should postpone looking for some romance in your pants. Here are five holiday date ideas you can do as a couple . . .

#1.) GO FOR A WALK AROUND YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD. Bundle up, hold hands, and take a walk through your neighborhood to look at the Christmas lights and decorations.

#2.) GO SHOPPING. Sure, the mall is going to be a zoo . . . but having another person with you will make the experience way more bearable. Plus, if you haven't found a gift for the person you're with, this is a perfect opportunity to find out exactly what they want.

#3.) GO TO THE THEATER. There are a ton of holiday concerts, movies, and plays around this time of year, so do something different and enjoy an evening of culture together. I recommend the "Nutcracker". (???)

#4.) DECORATE THE TREE. This is your last chance to finish decorating your tree before Christmas, so heat up some hot cocoa and bust out the holiday decorations.

#5.) GO ICE SKATING. Even if neither one of you knows how to ice skate, it's still a fun thing
to do as a couple. You can grab onto each other and hold hands as you skate around the rink. (The Frisky)

December 17, 2009 - Blog

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW

AND THE ATHLETE OF THE DECADE IS . . . TIGER WOODS!!!

The Associated Press has named TIGER WOODS the Athlete of the Decade . . . for his accomplishments on the golf course, obviously. --Tiger received 56 of the 142 votes cast by editors at various U.S. newspapers.

About half the ballots came in AFTER Tiger's Thanksgiving weekend debacle . . . so obviously, a lot of people overlooked it and voted strictly on Tiger's athletic achievements.

The AP says, quote, "For 10 incomparable years, no one ruled a sport like Woods. He won 64 times around the world, including 12 majors, and hoisted a trophy on every continent golf is played. He lost only one time with the lead going into the final round. --"His 56 PGA Tour victories in one incomparable decade were more than anyone except four of golf's greatest players won in their careers."

LANCE ARMSTRONG finished second with 33 votes . . . followed by tennis stud ROGER FEDERER with 25, and aquatic stoner MICHAEL PHELPS with 13. --TOM BRADY rounded out the top 5 with six votes.

A YOUNG TIGER WOODS WAS DEVASTATED BY HIS FATHER'S INFIDELITY:

TIGER WOODS' high school girlfriend, DINA PARR, is suddenly EVERYWHERE. And she has a very interesting and ironic story to relate. She told E! News that back in the day, Tiger was emotionally devastated by his father's infidelities.

She said, quote, "He would just call crying and say, 'My dad is with another woman,' and that would be all he could say. He would be so upset, so I just tried to be there for him and listen to him." --One time he even complained about the type of woman his father was seeing. Dina said, quote, "I remember he was crying and very upset in this one conversation, and he was like, 'I can't even believe the type of women he's going out with! She's disgusting.' --"He didn't exactly have the nicest words to say.

She added, quote, "He loved his father. And I know that was the one thing about his dad that he could never get over. So yeah, it's interesting that it's turned out that he's doing the same thing."(--Here's video of Dina's interview with E! . . .)http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b158203_tigers_first_love_woods_was_devastated.html


MORE SOURCES ARE SAYING THAT REESE WITHERSPOON AND JAKE GYLLENHAAL HAVE BROKEN UP:

We still haven't heard anything official yet, but sources continue to claim that REESE WITHERSPOON and JAKE GYLLENHAAL have broken up. --One source tells "Us Weekly" that they split at the beginning of this month, and it broke Jake's heart. But another source adds, quote, "No one cheated. There was no drama."

As for why they broke up . . . apparently, Jake was pushing for more of a commitment, and Reese wasn't having it. --A source says, quote, "She felt pressured to wed again but she wasn't ready. She couldn't give Jake enough and she got cold feet. Jake wanted all of her."

Reese also didn't feel like she was spending enough time with her kids . . . quote, "When she was giving all of her energy to Jake, she felt like she wasn't giving her kids enough." (--In an interesting coincidence, "Sesame Street" chose this week to run a sketch in which Jake teaches kids the meaning of the word "SEPARATE". Not kidding. Check it out . . .) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrmUfYKYXbM


NOW THERE'S A RESTRAINING ORDER PROHIBITING COURTNEY LOVE FROM CONTACTING HER DAUGHTER:

Last Friday, COURTNEY LOVE lost custody of her 17-year-old daughter, FRANCES BEAN COBAIN, to KURT COBAIN'S mother and sister. --Courtney's attorney tried to blow it off like it was no big deal. But now there's a RESTRAINING ORDER in place that keeps Courtney from having any direct or indirect contact with Frances.

We don't know whose idea it was or on what grounds it was obtained. It's temporary for now. A hearing to make it permanent will take place on January 5th. --The restraining order MIGHT have something to do with some INSANE RANTS that Courtney allegedly posted on Facebook earlier this week.

The posts were taken down pretty quickly, but several blogs had already reposted them before they disappeared. --Whether they're legit or not, here are some excerpts from Courtney's alleged posts . . . --"I hate to sound cold but any kid of mine who pulls this (crap) has lost her position . . . She was deceptive, she lied and she's lying to herself . . . My daughter is not always honest." --"You could've asked for emancipation . . . You realize this will put you in juvenile family circus three times in your little life? . . . This is what, along with his mother, killed your father."

(--Yes, Courtney just accused Kurt Cobain's mom of being at least part of the reason he offed himself.)

"Frances is clearly deluded that she can buy her grandmother a "small house in L.A." I'd love to see how that works . . . She thinks she has all this money. The point is, I have all the money she has." --And here is perhaps the most INSANE paragraph in the entire post. (--Now, keep in mind, everything else here has been cleaned up for easy reading. But because it just feels right, I'm leaving this one in Courtney-speak . . .)

"have fun on your covers of the tabs, thats what your wonder bread side likes, you couldve asked for emanicaption youc ouldve gone to simons rock, but you have to get involved with that terrifying not to me, to you witch who keeps britney spars in jail?"

On the bright side, Courtney did conclude her rambling monologue with this message to her daughter . . . quote, "I love you and always will unconditionally." --Courtney probably should have seen this coming. Back in September, Frances Tweeted, quote, "Someone adopt me please." --And in April, she posted these two Tweets . . . "I love you . . . but you're (effing) crazy and irresponsible" . . . and, "Damn it I'm on my own." Both were assumed to have been directed at her mother.

(--Courtney Love posted some fresh insanity on her Facebook page yesterday. You'll find that on the following page . . .)

COURTNEY LOVE'S LATEST POSTS:

COURTNEY LOVE posted some fresh insanity on Facebook yesterday, regarding the situation with her daughter FRANCES. Here's what she said . . . (--With grammar and punctuation cleaned up so you won't have a hard time reading it . . .) --"There's not a whole lot I can do about it. This is like a hand grenade got thrown into our lives and it's not Frances! I am angry at these people, not Frances. I'd just prefer she not become Jamie L. Spears.

"She should go be a writer or an artist, which I support 100%, but this is a circus and it pains me 'cos I know she hates it." --Courtney later added, quote, "I very much miss my daughter. I know she knows how miserable I am. I'm despairing and so sad, so so sad, but I just want to help her be happy. That's it, get her house and get her school and that's all I've ever wanted."

(--And there you have it . . . for now. But if you think that's the last we'll hear from Courtney on the matter, then you don't know much about Courtney.)


TAYLOR SWIFT MADE THE COVER OF "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S 25 MOST INTRIGUING PEOPLE ISSUE:

Last week, we found out who fascinated BARBARA WALTERS. And this week, we learn who intrigued "People" magazine. (!!!) "People" drops its 25 Most Intriguing People of 2009 issue tomorrow. And TAYLOR SWIFT is on the cover.

Other honorees include . .

--BRAD PITT and ANGELINA JOLIE--MO'NIQUE--BARACK and MICHELLE OBAMA--SANDRA BULLOCK--NEIL PATRICK HARRIS--SARAH PALIN--RIHANNA--JAYCEE DUGARD--KATE GOSSELIN--The KARDASHIAN SISTERS--ROBERT PATTINSON


MOVIE TRAILERS

A new trailer for the upcoming "Alice In Wonderland" movie . . . the TIM BURTON one starring JOHNNY DEPP . . . has hit the web. It'll hit theaters on March 5th. (--Here's the trailer . . .) http://www.apple.com/trailers/disney/aliceinwonderland/

The "Iron Man 2" trailer has (also) been released. The movie comes out on May 7th. (--Check it out . . .)http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/ironman/


KELLY CLARKSON'S NEXT ALBUM WILL SOUND LIKE A MIX OF GARBAGE AND MUSE:

You have to give KELLY CLARKSON credit: She keeps trying to change-up her sound . . . even in the face of criticism. --She notoriously butted heads with label boss Clive Davis while doing her own thing on "My December" . . . and now she wants to reinvent herself again. --In a radio interview Kelly said that fans can expect something new on her next album, which is still in early stages of development.

She said, quote, "We're already working on [the album] but it's probably not going to hit until, like, the fourth quarter of next year . . . around Christmas. --"There's still some like singer / songwriter stuff [on it], but there's . . . I don't know. It's almost like GARBAGE-meets-pop-meets-MUSE. It's a little different."

We're assuming that she's referring to the BAND Garbage. --But then again, since Kelly is such a wild, spontaneous artist . . . whose creativity knows no bounds . . . all this is subject to change. --She added, quote, "I don't know how it's going to end up. Who knows? It always ends up being something completely different." (--So, stay tuned!!!)

NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT AMERICANS SPEND THEIR FREE TIME IS . . . WATCHING TV:

According to a new survey by the consumer research firm NPD Group about how Americans like to spend their free time.

Here's a look at the American public's five favorite leisure activities:

#1.) Watching TV . . . 81% of Americans spend their free time watching TV for an average of about ten hours a week.#2.) LISTENING TO RADIO . . . 78% of Americans spend their free time listening to traditional radio for an average of about five hours a week. (!!!)#3.) Email and instant messaging . . . 70% of Americans spend their free time sending email and chatting on IM for an average of about four hours a week.#4.) Social networking websites . . . 47% of Americans spend their free time visiting social networking sites for an average of about five hours a week. And . . . #5.) Twitter . . . 11% of Americans spend their free time "Tweeting" for an average of about three hours a week.--The study also found that, despite the emergence of iPods and other MP3 players, THREE in FIVE Americans still listen to their music on CD. (CNet News)

A WOMAN FLASHED A DRIVER, WHO GOT DISTRACTED AND RAN HER OVER:

Ladies . . . there's a time and a place for everything. And it kills me to say this, but that applies to FLASHING YOUR BREASTS, too. Here's what I mean . . .

On September 27th, 18-year-old Cherelle Dudfield was doing some heavy drinking with her friends in Invercargill, New Zealand (--in the country's southern tip).

At some point, Cherelle got the bright idea to start flashing her breasts at passing cars. --The only problem was that as Cherelle was showing the goods to oncoming traffic, a distracted driver lost control of his car and CRASHED INTO HER.

Cherelle was rushed to the hospital where she was treated for minor injuries and released. --This week, Cherelle pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. She was fined $200. --According to a police spokesman, quote, "She was extremely lucky as the vehicle had slowed because of her behavior. She rolled up onto the hood and cracked the windscreen before she came down with some minor injuries, and was taken to [the] hospital." (Yahoo News)


WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR CAR WITH THE VALET?

Whenever I leave my car with a VALET, I'm worried they're going to . . . well . . . let's just say I'm not convinced they're going to show my car the same loving care that I would. And, apparently, I have good reason to feel that way.

Recently, some guy calling himself "Valet Underground" posted dozens of videos on YouTube showing valet drivers doing donuts, peeling out and spinning the tires of expensive cars in the parking garage of the Hyatt Hotel in St. Louis.

According to the general manager of the Hyatt, a company called AAA Valet was responsible for the hotel's valet parking. They've since been replaced. --The videos were removed from YouTube on Tuesday.(--Fortunately, you can still link to some of the footage here . . .)http://www.fox2now.com/videobeta/?watchId=e9215488-b677-49b4-a8e2-d8840f86c965(KTVI News 2 - St. Louis)

HERE ARE SIX GIFT-GIVING RULES SO YOU DON'T GIVE YOUR LADY SOMETHING SHE HATES . . . AND MAKE HER CRY:

Well guys, it's that time of year again. The time when you try to guess what your girl wants for Christmas . . . only to leave her in tears by giving her something boneheaded.

If that scenario sounds all too familiar to you . . . and since you're a guy, I know it DOES . . . here are six basic gift-giving rules for you to follow. If you do, I promise you won't make your girl cry, yet again, by getting her another terrible gift.

#1.) If you're buying clothes and you're unsure what size she wears, a little too small is better than a little too big.

#2.) Your girl isn't perfect. But you don't need to remind her of that fact by getting her exercise equipment, self-help books, wrinkle cream or any other item that will make her feel badly about herself.

#3.) Appliances and cookware are okay . . . but ONLY if she asks for them.

#4.) Don't buy something that you'll use more than she will. I repeat: Do not buy your girl a gift that's more for you than it is for her.

#5.) Remember that it's the thought that counts. But only if you came up with the thought before you reached the checkout line on December 24th.

#6.) When all else fails, at least try to create memories. That means either go BIG, or go for the funny. That way, even if you blow it, at least she'll appreciate the effort. (Yahoo Finance)

HERE ARE TEN PHRASES YOU SHOULDN'T USE AT WORK:

When you go to work, you have to act a little differently than you would at home with your friends and family. And that's a good thing.

The only problem is that sometimes when people are in "work mode," they have a hard time sounding natural, and they start using lame buzz words and annoying phrases . . . and come across sounding like an idiot.

Fortunately, the good people over at CNN are trying to help us out with that. They've come up with a list of ten words or phrases you shouldn't use at work because they're cliché, misleading, redundant or just plain annoying. Check it out:

#1.) "Pick your brain." There are less disgusting ways to ask someone "Do you mind if I ask you some questions?" In fact, that's one right there.

#2.) "Throw it against the wall and see what sticks." My only question is: Throw WHAT against the wall?

#3.) "Sweat equity." It just sounds gross.

#4.) "It's not rocket science." No, but if you say this to a co-worker, you're a jerk.

#5.) "The ball's in your court." I understand the meaning of this one, but it doesn't make much sense. Because when you play basketball or tennis, there's only one court. Or am I over-thinking it?

#6.) "Drill down." Let's face it . . . there are sexual connotations with this phrase, and you're probably better off avoiding it completely.

#7.) "I, personally." By definition, anything that you say is personal.

#8.) "Quite unique." How is something that's "quite unique" different from something that's "very unique," or a "bit unique"? How can you qualify something's "uniqueness"?

#9.) "Past history." Again, by definition, this is redundant. Anything in your past is history . . . and all history is in your past.

#10.) "Urgent" (slash) "crisis": The truth is that, unless you're an emergency room doctor, nothing is ever really "urgent" or a "crisis" at work. (CNN)


A DINER IN OHIO IS OFFERING 25% OFF FOR LIFE TO ANYONE WHO GETS A TATTOO OF . . . A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH?

I love a good grilled cheese sandwich. But, apparently, not as much as some people do. Listen to this ridiculousness . . . --Melt Bar and Grilled is a restaurant in Lakewood, Ohio (--a western suburb of Cleveland).

In September, Melt started a new promotion offering customers a 25% discount for life. --The only catch is that in order to be eligible, they have to get a TATTOO of a grilled cheese sandwich somewhere on their body.

According to Melt's owner, quote, "We asked people to take our core logo and kind of just change it around and make it something personal to them." --It's unclear exactly how many customers have taken Melt up on their offer. But we know that at least a handful have so far. --Melt plans to continue the promotion indefinitely. (WJW News 8 - Cleveland)

(--The phone number for Melt Bar and Grilled is 216-226-3699. And you can check out the restaurant's website here . . .)http://www.meltbarandgrilled.com/


NAZZY'S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) This dog named Faith was born without front legs, so she learned to walk on her hind legs all the time. And now she's inspiring injured war veterans to walk again.http://news.yahoo.com/video/odd-15749658/17174061(Search Terms: Faith the dog inspires with two legs video)

#2.) When a hockey player in Sweden went into cardiac arrest during a game, a referee performed CPR and saved his life. (--He starts giving him CPR at :25.)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA3lUb5wgS8(Search Terms: Swedish referee performs CPR saves life Niklas Lihagen video)

#3.) British pop singer MICHELLE HEATON guest starred on Ireland's version of "The Apprentice" and took a major spill while unveiling the new Ford Fiesta.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBt4oEJDZxc(Search Terms: Michelle Heaton "The Apprentice" fall)

#4.) Here's a pimply-faced British kid singing a hilariously bad original Christmas song.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mIJE63Ygkw(Search Terms: Andrew sings his Christmas song)


SIX COMMON HOLIDAY DISASTERS AND HOW TO AVOID THEM:

Christmas is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year." But it can also be an embarrassing, annoying, and dangerous time of year. So plan ahead. Here's how to avoid six common holiday disasters . . .

#1.) BUY EXTRA GIFTS AND WRAP THEM. That way, if someone gives you a gift and you weren't expecting one, you'll have a gift ready. Just make sure it's something that you can give to anyone.

Extra gifts can also come in handy if someone gives you something that's twice as nice what you gave them, Just pretend you got them TWO gifts.

#2.) KNOW YOUR DRINK LIMIT. If you're going to your office Christmas party this weekend, don't drink too much. There's no telling what you'll do after eight eggnogs.

#3.) KNOW HOW TO DODGE A KISS. If you get caught under the mistletoe and you want to avoid a kiss, pretend you're sick. No one wants to catch the flu.

#4.) BE GRACIOUS, BUT DON'T LIE. If someone gives you a lousy gift, just say "thank you." If you go overboard and pretend you're thrilled with it, you might get more of the same next year.

#5.) KEEP YOUR PETS SAFE. Chocolate is toxic to dogs AND cats, and it's the most common reason they get sick around the holidays. So keep your holiday candy where they can't get to it. And don't forget that poinsettias are toxic to pets too.

#6.) SECURE THE TREE. Tie some fishing line around the top of the tree, and tie the other end to a hook on the ceiling. That way if someone bumps into it, it probably won't fall over. (HowCast.com)

December 16, 2009 - Blog

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW

IS TIGER WOODS DUMPING HIS FAMOUS FRIENDS???

CHARLES BARKLEY has accused TIGER WOODS of changing his phone number and ditching his famous friends. --During a taping of "With All Due Respect" . . . a show that airs on a cable channel you may have heard of called HLN . . . Barkley said, quote, "I've been trying to get to him and can't get to him. It's very frustrating.

"I think when you have these fires in your life, as I call them, you need to talk to somebody else who is famous who [has] been through things in their life. "I don't think you can talk about it to your family and friends, because your family and friends, they're not famous."

SPIKE LEE . . . who was a guest on the show . . . added, quote, "If Charles Barkley and MICHAEL JORDAN can't get to him, and those are his boys, then other people are making bad moves." --Barkley said that all he wants to do is tell Tiger, quote, "Hey man, we love you. If you need anything, pick up the phone."

NIKE BOSS PHIL KNIGHT SAYS ALL THIS CHAOS IS JUST A "MINOR BLIP" IN TIGER'S LIFE:

Nike continues to stand firmly in TIGER WOODS' corner. Yesterday, company boss PHIL KNIGHT said, quote, "When his career is over, you'll look back on these indiscretions as a minor blip, but the media is making a big deal out of it right now."

Knight also noted that when the company checked out Woods as a potential pitchman, he definitely met their criteria. --He said, quote, "There's always a risk. One of the things we always try to do when we have a big endorsement is check out the character and the pattern of the individual.

"But you're not going to get it right all the time, and if you're going to be in the business you have to recognize that. --"Obviously, [Tiger was] one we checked out and he came out clean, and I think he's been really great."

A DOCTOR WHO HAS TREATED TIGER WOODS IS UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR ALLEGEDLY PROVIDING ATHLETES WITH PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING DRUGS:

This would be all TIGER WOODS needs right now: A doctor who has treated him and other professional athletes is being investigated for allegedly doling out performance-enhancing drugs. --Dr. Anthony Galea was stopped at the U.S.-Canadian border with Human Growth Hormone and Actovegin . . . a drug extracted from calf's blood.

According to the "New York Times", the FBI is in on the investigation. Nobody has named any athletes Galea supposedly gave performance-enhancing drugs to. Galea denies any wrongdoing. --Galea works a lot with athletes because of some plasma-therapy technique he invented that speeds up the recovery process after surgery. As far as anyone knows, the technique is legal. --Tiger had it done several times in February and March of this year, to help him recover from knee surgery the previous summer.

Reached for comment, Tiger's agent said, quote, "I would really ask that you guys don't write this. If Tiger is NOT implicated, and won't be, let's please give the kid a break."

TIGER RANDOMS:

#1.) We've got a brief promo clip from that interview where TIGER WOODS talks about putting his family first. (--The interview was for some New Zealand sports show. Check it out . . .)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amPPrckjdJY(--Elsewhere in the interview, Tiger says that having a family has been, quote, "great, actually, the best thing that ever happened.")

#2.) ELIN NORDEGREN was spotted out in public again yesterday. She took the kids . . . 2-year-old Sam and 10-month-old Charlie . . . with her to get some takeout Thai food. And once again . . . no wedding ring. (--Here's a boring paparazzi video . . .)http://www.tmz.com/videos?autoplay=true&mediaKey=8f4f9ed9-57aa-4d48-b55b-d108c61677fc


JOHN MAYER IS TAKING A BREAK FROM DATING:

JOHN MAYER wore a reindeer sweater on "Ellen" yesterday . . . and you have to give the guy props for that. As for the interview itself, John said he's taking a break from dating . . . quote, "I'm not dating. I don't know if you know this: I have sort of a funny track record, which is actually not that strange given my age.

"I'm a little freaked out right now about it, to be honest. I'm a little freaked out about dating, so I'm just gonna let time pass and just do my thing." --He also admitted, though, that he can't complain about his love life being public when he dates famous chicks. He said quote, "I can't sit here and be like, 'Oh, please let me live my life in private with this famous person who's been around for 15 years.'" (--Here's video . . .)http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b158099_john_mayer_taking_break_from_ladies.html


DID GREG BRADY'S GIRLFRIEND THREATEN TO KILL HIM???

BARRY WILLIAMS . . . a.k.a. Greg Brady . . . got a restraining order against his live-in girlfriend after she allegedly threatened to kill him. --Barry says Elizabeth Kennedy is, quote, "mentally unstable", and has threatened more than once to off both him and herself.

On November 23rd, Barry claims he had to physically subdue Elizabeth when she came at him with a kitchen knife. Apparently, she thought he was having an affair with a co-star. --He also accuses her of stealing $29,000 from his bank account.

Barry told the court, quote, "I know that she will definitely try to harm me once she is aware that our relationship is now over." --As per the restraining order, Elizabeth has to move out of the apartment they shared, and stay at least 100 yards away from him. (--Barry is 55 . . . Elizabeth is 30. So don't feel bad for Barry . . . he probably had fun with it while it lasted.)


THE HIGHEST-GROSSING ACTRESS OF THE DECADE IS "HARRY POTTER’S" EMMA WATSON:

The "Guinness Book of World Records" has named "Harry Potter's" EMMA WATSON the highest-grossing actress of the decade . . . meaning that her movies raked in more cash than those of any other actress.

Emma has only done six live-action movies this decade . . . but they were the "Harry Potter" flicks. Collectively, they took in $5.4 billion worldwide. --As for Emma's male counterpart, "Guinness" lists SAMUEL L. JACKSON . . . but they don't provide any numbers. --Popwatch.com . . . which is an "Entertainment Weekly" blog . . . is disputing that.

They say Sam's movies this decade have "only" made $3.3 billion. --Meanwhile, JOHNNY DEPP has raked in $4.2 billion, thanks to the "Pirates of the Caribbean" trilogy, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and other hits.

But Johnny doesn't get the nod, either. Because the deliciously gay SIR IAN MCKELLAN has him beat. McKellan's flicks . . . which include the "Lord of the Rings" and "X-Men" trilogies . . . have made $4.8 billion. --But McKellan doesn't top the list, either. --It would appear that the actor whose movies have generated the most cash this decade is ORLANDO BLOOM. Thanks mostly to his appearance in both the "Pirates of the Caribbean" AND "Lord of the Rings" trilogies . . . he's at the top with $6.5 billion.

(--"EW" also points out this interesting fact: MAGGIE SMITH . . . who plays Professor McGonagall in the "Harry Potter" movies . . . has also appeared in "Gosford Park" and "The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood" this decade.)

(--Thus, her box office is HIGHER than that of Emma Watson. But apparently, "Guinness" is talking about LEAD actresses. So there you have it.)


"UP IN THE AIR" AND "GLEE" LEAD THE "GOLDEN GLOBE" NOMINEES:

Nominees for the "67th Annual Golden Globe Awards" were announced yesterday. --The GEORGE CLOONEY flick "Up in the Air" led all movie nominees with SIX nods . . . while the Fox comedy "Glee" topped the TV category with FOUR.

"Up in the Air" is a Best Drama nominee, along with "Avatar", "Inglourious Basterds", "The Hurt Locker" and "Precious". --The Best Comedy nominees are "500 Days of Summer", "The Hangover", "It's Complicated", "Julie & Julia" and "Nine". --"Nine" was second to "Up In the Air" with five nominees. "Avatar" and "Inglourious Basterds" had four each. --"Glee" is up for Best Comedy Series. It's competing with "30 Rock", "Modern Family", "Entourage" and "The Office". --The Best Drama Series nominees are "Big Love", "Dexter", "Mad Men", "House" and "True Blood". (--"Big Love", "Dexter" and "Mad Men" all had three nominations apiece.) --The "Golden Globes" air on January 17th on NBC.

--Here are the nominees . . .

(MOTION PICTURE AWARDS)
DRAMA:--"Avatar"--"The Hurt Locker"--"Inglourious Basterds"--"Precious"--"Up in the Air"
ACTRESS, DRAMA:--Emily Blunt, "The Young Victoria"--Sandra Bullock, "The Blind Side"--Helen Mirren, "The Last Station"--Carey Mulligan, "An Education"--Gabourey Sidibe, "Precious"

ACTOR, DRAMA:--Jeff Bridges, "Crazy Heart"--George Clooney, "Up in the Air"--Colin Firth, "A Single Man"--Morgan Freeman, "Invictus"--Tobey Maguire, "Brothers"

MUSICAL OR COMEDY:--"(500) Days of Summer"--"The Hangover"--"It's Complicated"--"Julie & Julia"--"Nine"

ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY:--Sandra Bullock, "The Proposal"--Marion Cotillard, "Nine"--Julia Roberts, "Duplicity"--Meryl Streep, "It's Complicated"--Meryl Streep, "Julie & Julia"

ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY:--Matt Damon, "The Informant!"--Daniel Day-Lewis, "Nine"--Robert Downey Jr., "Sherlock Holmes"--Joseph Gordon-Levitt, "(500) Days of Summer"--Michael Stuhlbarg, "A Serious Man"

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM:--"Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"--"Coraline"--"Fantastic Mr. Fox"--"The Princess and the Frog"--"Up"

ORIGINAL SONG:--"Cinema Italiano" from "Nine"--"I Want to Come Home" from "Everybody's Fine" (performed by Paul McCartney)--"I Will See You" from "Avatar" --"The Weary Kind" from "Crazy Heart"--"Winter" from "Brothers" (performed by U2)

(TELEVISION AWARDS)
DRAMA SERIES:--"Mad Men" (AMC)--"House" (Fox)--"True Blood" (HBO)--"Dexter" (Showtime)--"Big Love" (HBO)

ACTRESS, DRAMA:--Glenn Close, "Damages"--Julianna Margulies, "The Good Wife"--January Jones, "Mad Men"--Anna Paquin, "True Blood"--Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"

ACTOR, DRAMA:--Jon Hamm, "Mad Men"--Hugh Laurie, "House"--Simon Baker, "The Mentalist"--Michael C. Hall, "Dexter"--Bill Paxton, "Big Love"

MUSICAL OR COMEDY SERIES: --"30 Rock" (NBC)--"Glee" (Fox)--"Entourage" (HBO)--"The Office" (NBC)--"Modern Family" (ABC)

ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY SERIES:--Tina Fey, "30 Rock"--Toni Collette, "United States of Tara"--Courteney Cox, "Cougar Town"--Edie Falco, "Nurse Jackie"--Lea Michele, "Glee"

ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY SERIES:--David Duchovny, "Californication"--Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"--Steve Carell, "The Office"--Thomas Jane, "Hung"--Matthew Morrison, "Glee"

MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE:--"Georgia O'Keefe" (Lifetime)--"Grey Gardens" (HBO)--"Into the Storm" (HBO)--"Little Dorrit" (BBC)--"Taking Chance" (HBO)

ACTRESS, MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE:--Joan Allen, "Georgia O'Keefe"--Drew Barrymore, "Grey Gardens"--Jessica Lange, "Grey Gardens"--Anna Paquin, "The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler"--Sigourney Weaver, "Prayers for Bobby"

ACTOR, MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE:--Kevin Bacon, "Taking Chance"--Kenneth Branagh, "Wallander: One Step Behind"--Chiewetel Ejiofor, "Endgame"--Brendan Gleeson, "Into the Storm"--Jeremy Irons, "Georgia O'Keefe"


NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

A WOMAN IN NEW MEXICO CLAIMS A CAR ACCIDENT LEFT HER WITH "RESTLESS GENITAL SYNDROME":

Meet 39-year-old Joleen Baughman of New Mexico. Two years ago, Joleen got into a car accident, which damaged a nerve in her pelvis. Here's the thing . . . --The nerve Joleen damaged is responsible for sexual desire. And by screwing it up, Joleen developed a condition called "Restless Genital Syndrome," or "Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome."

Basically, the crash left her in a state of PERMANENT AROUSAL. -Now, any type of movement . . . whether it's vacuuming, bending over or just walking . . . gets Joleen in the mood.--She says, quote, "I thought, 'Finally, I'm getting a sex drive and I can give my husband what he wants'. We would have sex once, and I would feel no release at all.

"So we would go again, and then it would start really hurting. But I would still want sex, even more than before. If my husband managed to go for a third time, it would be agony. But I would still feel no release . . . --"It's unbearable. Just my clothes rubbing gets me so aroused that I can hardly think straight. It's very embarrassing and it's impossible to concentrate . . . Being aroused pretty much 24 hours a day is exhausting." (--Yeah, it sounds TERRIBLE.)


BARACK OBAMA IS DISTANTLY RELATED TO WARREN BUFFETT:

Yesterday, genealogists from Ancestry.com announced that PRESIDENT OBAMA and WARREN BUFFETT are seventh cousins three times removed. --Apparently, the two share a common ancestor named Mareen Duvall. He's a Frenchman who immigrated to Maryland in the 1650s.

Duvall is Buffett's SIXTH great-grandfather . . . and he's Obama's NINTH great-grandfather. --All this really means is that you can now add Buffett to the ever-growing list of Obama's famous, distant "relatives", including:

--BRAD PITT--DICK CHENEY--GEORGE W. BUSH--GERALD FORD--LYNDON JOHNSON--HARRY S. TRUMAN--WINSTON CHURCHILL and . . .--ROBERT E. LEE (Yahoo News / Huffington Post / Washington Post)


92% OF WOMEN REMEMBER THE FIRST PAIR OF SHOES THEY BOUGHT . . . BUT JUST 63% REMEMBER THE NAME OF THEIR FIRST KISS:

This survey took place in the UK, but we'd guess the results would be similar here, too. --According to a new survey, 92% of women say they can remember the first pair of SHOES they bought with their own money. But just 63% remember the name of the first person they kissed.

And while 96% of women say they regret throwing out a pair of shoes, just 15% say they have an ex-boyfriend that they regret breaking up with. Or look at it this way . . . --There's a good chance your ex-girlfriend's shoe collection means more to her than your entire relationship did. (Daily Mail)


A GUY SHOT A BURGLAR IN THE BACKSIDE WITH A BOW AND ARROW:

Now it's time to recognize our JYY Hero of the Day . . . a guy named Scott Schwingdorf from Kelso, Washington. --A few weeks ago, a house in Scott's neighborhood caught fire. No one was injured, but there was enough damage that the homeowners . . . Jim Chambers and Debbie Scott . . . were forced to temporarily move out.

Anyway, on Sunday night, Scott noticed a burglar, 32-year-old Gaylen Crane, attempting to loot Jim and Debbie's house. So he headed home and got his BOW AND ARROW. --Then he went back and confronted Gaylen . . . at which point Gaylen took off running. So Scott hauled off and shot him in the REAR END.

Gaylen managed to escape. But later than night, he was arrested at the emergency room. --Jim says, quote, "It's people like [Scott] that make the streets safer. Especially when you're a victim already. It makes you feel a little safer when you got someone looking out for you." (KPTV News 12 - Portland)


POLAROID HAS COME OUT WITH A NEW DIGITAL CAMERA THAT HAS A BUILT-IN PRINTER:

If you were wondering how Polaroid was going to compete in a landscape dominated by digital cameras, well, here's how . . . --Polaroid has just come out with a digital camera of its own called the Polaroid PoGo that has a built-in printer. The only difference is that, unlike the old Polaroids, you don't have to shake the pictures to get them to develop.

(--You can buy the Polaroid PoGo for $180 here . . .)http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=10983735

(--You can get more details about the Polaroid PoGo here . . .)http://www.polaroid.com/Products/Polaroid+PoGo/Overview/(Gadling)


NAZZY'S SILLY VIDEOS

After a blizzard in Wisconsin, these college students built a dozen snowmen in the middle of the road, then a snow plow came by and knocked them all over.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1grCwOWYTU(Search Terms: the great snowman wall of Gilman)

This video is obviously pre-planned, but it still goes to show that Canadians are WAY too accustomed to cold weather. A group of ice fishermen talk about how bad the fishing is, then two guys in bathing suits emerge from the hole in the ice.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x768VAsOQSw(Search Terms: Canadian ice fishing crazy Canucks video)

FIVE HOLIDAY SHOPPING SCAMS TO AVOID:

One reason we all overspend during the holidays is because we let stores and shopping malls sucker us into buying more than we need to. But it doesn't have to be that way. Here are five holiday shopping scams to avoid . . .

#1.) DON'T BUY EXTENDED WARRANTIES. They can cost hundreds of dollars, and you don't always need one. In fact, you usually don't. So be careful, especially in the electronics department. And ask to read the warranty before you sign it.

#2.) DON'T GET TRICKED INTO OVER-BUYING. Retailers put related products near each other so you'll buy one, then buy the other without thinking about whether you really need it or not.

#3.) DON'T SHOP AT THE END OF THE AISLE. When you're at stores like Target and Wal-Mart, don't assume something's on sale just because it's featured at the end of an aisle. They KNOW that's what you think, so they put full-priced items there instead.

#4.) BEWARE OF BUY-ONE-GET-ONE-FREE SALES. If you really do need two, then it's probably a great deal. But if it's something you can't use and don't need, then you're only buying it because it's on sale . . . which means you're wasting money.

#5.) READ THE RETURN POLICY. A lot of major retailers print it on the back of the receipt. And some charge a restocking fee if you bring something back and the factory seal is broken. (WalletPop.com)

December 15, 2009 - Blog

HOLLYWOOD DRIT OVERFLOW

THE TIGER WOODS INCIDENT

ELIN NORDEGREN ISN'T WEARING HER WEDDING RING:

ELIN NORDEGREN surfaced over the weekend for the first time since her supposed Thanksgiving meltdown. She was photographed pumping gas near her home in Florida. And she WASN'T WEARING HER WEDDING RING. This doesn't necessarily mean that Elin is leaving TIGER WOODS . . . but some people say she is.

Britain's not-always-reliable "Sun" tabloid says Elin is planning a TRIAL SEPARATION after the holidays . . . and she's even talking to divorce lawyers. --Meanwhile, Tiger allegedly tried to convince her to have another baby to patch up the marriage . . . an idea that Elin is, quote, "horrified" by.

MEET TIGER'S NEWEST ANGELS:

TIGER WOODS picked up two new angels over the weekend. Their names are JULIE POSTLE and THERESA ROGERS. Here's what we know about them . . .

Everything we know about Julie Postle comes from her ex-boyfriend, Brian Kimbrough. He went to the media whining about how Tiger stole Julie from him. --He claims Tiger was constantly calling and texting Julie . . . and his name would come up on her phone as "Mr. Brightside".

(--That's the title of a song by THE KILLERS about a jealous male lover. Here are the lyrics, if you care . . .) http://www.metrolyrics.com/mr-brightside-lyrics-the-killers.html

Kimbrough says the affair started in 2004, before Tiger was married . . . but continued even AFTER he got hitched --He also claims that Tiger told her he didn't marry ELIN NORDEGREN for love . . . quote, "His marriage was for publicity. She said it was for his image and the tabloids, and it wasn't real." --Theresa, meanwhile, is a MAJOR COUGAR. She's in her 40s . . . and like Julie, she was with Tiger before and after he got married. In fact, she was probably with Tiger longer than any of his other angels.

Theresa joins RACHEL UCHITEL as a client of grandstanding attorney GLORIA ALLRED. --There's one more name kicking around the blogosphere. It's LOREDANA JOLIE. She's another girl who was supposedly whored out to Tiger by that madam, Michelle Braun.
(--That brings the number of alleged Tiger hookups to AT LEAST 12. With more to come, I'm sure.)

-- RACHEL UCHITEL got her public apology yesterday from JOY BEHAR. Joy rattled off a quick apology on "The View" . . . and Rachel's attorney later said she accepted it. Case closed.

-- CORI RIST . . . one of Tiger's many Angels . . . finally broke her silence on the "Today" show yesterday. Thus, she is now officially promoted from ALLEGED mistress to just plain MISTRESS. (--Unless she's lying, of course.) (--Check out video of her interview here . . .)http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/34413364#34413364


KATE HUDSON AND ALEX RODRIGUEZ MAY HAVE BROKEN UP:

Rumors started circulating that KATE HUDSON and ALEX RODRIGUEZ have broken up . . . after A-Rod spent this past weekend partying like he was single. -While Kate was in New York promoting her new movie, "Nine", Alex was living it up at a Miami club with TWO WOMEN. A witness says, quote, "He was acting very single, and Kate was definitely not there." --We should note that Kate was on "The Late Show with David Letterman" on Thursday night, and Dave made a sly comment about the relationship.

Kate tried to be coy, and said, quote, "Yeah, he's a friend of mine. Nice guy." (--So if Kate and Alex really DID break up, we don't know when it happened. In other words, it's not really clear whether they broke up BECAUSE Alex was tomcatting in Miami . . . or if he was tomcatting in Miami because they had just broken up.)


COURTNEY LOVE'S DAUGHTER IS NOW UNDER THE LEGAL GUARDIANSHIP OF KURT COBAIN'S MOM:

COURTNEY LOVE has lost custody of her 17-year-old daughter, FRANCES BEAN COBAIN. Frances has been placed under the guardianship of Courtney's former mother-in-law, Wendy O'Connor. (--That would be KURT COBAIN'S mother, obviously.)

The guardianship was established during a court hearing on Friday, and is for Frances' personal and financial well-being. (--Frances turns 18 next August.) --Kurt's sister, Kimberly Dawn Cobain, was named co-guardian. --Courtney wasn't present for Friday's hearing.--The court proceedings are SEALED, so we don't know why this happened. But if you've been reading Courtney's blog and / or Twitter posts over the last few years, you can kind of guess.

If Courtney's not back on drugs, she's been doing a pretty good impression of someone who is. At the very least, she hasn't appeared to be mentally stable in some time. --Courtney's lawyer jumped out and tried to do some damage control. Here's his statement . . . quote, "Courtney's been clean for years and is perfectly fine. This is simply about Frances preferring to live with her grandmother at this time.

"Frances is 17 and a strong-willed child, and this is a decision she made on her own. No matter what, Courtney loves her daughter more than anything in the world."
#2.) A man by the name of Steven Burky was arrested yesterday on charges of stalking and violating a court order . . . after he was seen near the school that BEN AFFLECK and JENNIFER GARNER'S daughter goes to. --Jennifer got a restraining order against Burky in November of 2008, saying he'd been stalking her since 2002.


CHARLIE MURPHY'S WIFE HAS DIED:

The wife of CHARLIE MURPHY . . . the older brother of EDDIE MURPHY . . . passed away Sunday at the couple's home in New Jersey after a battle with cancer. --Here's the official statement . . . quote, "Tisha Taylor Murphy, wife of comedian and actor Charlie Murphy, passed away peacefully on Sunday with family at her side after facing the challenges of cancer for the past two years.

"The Murphy Family appreciates all of the support they have received from friends and fans and requests privacy during this very difficult time." --Charlie and Tisha had been married since 1997. They have two kids together . . . and Charlie has another child from a previous relationship.

(--You probably know Charlie as one of the stars of "Chappelle's Show". His most famous skits were those "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories" segments, where he'd talk about all the crazy things he did as a member of Eddie's entourage back in the day.) (--The classic "I'm Rick James, (B-word)" sketch was one of those.)


WAL-MART SAYS THEY AREN'T SECRETLY BOYCOTTING CHRIS BROWN'S ALBUM . . . THEY'RE JUST SOLD OUT:

Over the weekend, CHRIS BROWN went on a Twitter rant, because he thought stores were secretly boycotting his new album, "Graffiti". --He said that he personally went to a Wal-Mart in Wallingford, Connecticut, and couldn't find his album anywhere. But, employees at that store are now denying that they're intentionally keeping "Graffiti" off their shelves. --A "sales associate" named Gerald Blodgett says, quote, "We're sold out of it. We did have it in stock, but we sold out completely as soon as it hit the shelves."

The company also released a statement . . . saying, quote, "We are surprised at the comments online. All Wal-Mart stores nationwide have carried the CD since its release, including the Wallingford store mentioned in the post. --"This store actually sold through its initial shipment over the weekend. The majority of our stores today are showing they do have copies available." --Of course, in this case, Chris should have been GLAD the store didn't have his CD.

Especially since it's NOT selling at a lot of stores. "People" conducted their own investigation . . . (???) . . . and according to their research, Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Trans World and Newbury Comics stores nationwide had "Graffiti" in stock. --Many of those stores reportedly said sales had been a lot slower than expected . . . and that Chris' label, Jive Records, had over-shipped the CD to retailers.

Before its release, it was expected to sell between 150,000 and 175,000 copies, but early estimates show that it only sold around 100,000 copies. (--Chris' disc hit stores last Tuesday. Specific sales numbers for its first week will be out later today.) --Meanwhile, there's also a new group on Twitter called #graffitionracks, where fans are tracking whether or not "Graffiti" is available at their local stores.

People are posting pictures of "Graffiti" on the shelves . . . talking about the album . . . encouraging people to buy it . . . and posting domestic violence statistics. (???)(--If you care, you can check out that thread, here . . .)http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23graffitionracks--Speaking of Twitter, Chris abruptly deleted his account, @MechanicalDummy, yesterday afternoon. His last Tweet read: Quote, "I WANNA THANK MY FANS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT. I LOVE YALL. GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!" --It's unclear if the cancellation had anything to do with his boycott FREAK OUT . . . but for the sake of argument, let's all agree that it DID.


WILL NICK JONAS BE THE NEXT BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN???

First NICK JONAS said that his side-project, NICK JONAS & THE ADMINISTRATION, was influenced by ELVIS COSTELLO . . . and now, he's trying to compare himself to BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S. (--Technically, he already has a leg-up on both those guys . . . since neither one of them were in a globally-huge teen pop band as teenagers. Of course, it's too early to say whether that will be a bigger help or hindrance for Nick's career.)

In an interview, Nick said, quote, "I'm kind of modeling [the group] after BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN & THE E STREET BAND. --"It's kind of the look we were going for stylistically on the album cover and just the project in general. [Springsteen] pours so much passion and emotion into all of his songs every night and I hope I can capture that too." (--The album hits stores on February 2nd.)


THE SUPERSTARS OF THRASH TOUR *IS* HAPPENING . . . IN EUROPE:

Earlier this year, there was talk of a possible SUPERSTARS OF THRASH TOUR, which would feature METALLICA, MEGADETH, SLAYER and ANTHRAX. --The speculation eventually died down. But yesterday, out of the blue, reports emerged that all four bands WOULD be touring together . . . (!!!) . . . in Europe.

A press release on Metallica's website . . . with the title ""The Big Four" . . . reads: Quote, "You've been posting and chatting about it for months and we're here now to confirm it . . . [we] will all share the same stage for the first time EVER! --"Look for the four of us at the Sonisphere shows in Warsaw, Poland and Prague, Czech Republic on June 16th and 19th, 2010, with a few more of the festival dates still in the works. You can be sure these shows won't be the only ones."

We're hoping that leaves the door open for the "Big Four" to tour America . . . but who knows. --METALLICA drummer LARS ULRICH says, quote, "Who would have thought that thrash metal's Big Four would not only still be around and more popular than ever, but will now play together for the first time? What a mind(eff)! Bring it on!" (--If this actually happens, it's HISTORY. Metallica and Megadeth singer DAVE MUSTAINE on the same tour? What kind of money is allowing this to happen???)



HERE ARE 16 ITEMS THAT BECAME OBSOLETE THIS DECADE:

Ten years ago, the world was a vastly different place. And now that we're about to begin a new decade, it seems like an appropriate time to look back at how much the world has changed in that time. --To show how far we've come, "New York Magazine" came up with a list of 16 once-common items that were made obsolete in the 2000s.

Check it out:
#1.) Answering machines#2.) Lickable stamps#3.) Foldable maps#4.) Cathode ray tube TVs#5.) Incandescent light bulbs#6.) Paying for pornography#7.) Smoking in bars . . . which is on its way out, even in states where it's still allowed#8.) Fax machines#9.) Hydrox cookies (--which are similar to Oreos)#10.) Cassette tapes#11.) Floppy disks#12.) Phone books#13.) Polaroid photos#14.) Bank deposit slips . . . which are in the process of being replaced by check-reading ATMs#15.) Subway tokens#16.) The Rolodex (New York Magazine)


AND NOW . . . INTRODUCING THE "NECKY":

If you love having a warm neck and chest, but you hate the UNBEARABLE HASSLE involved with wearing a scarf, then I've got just the thing for you . . . --It's called the Necky and, according to the product website, it's, quote, "the world's first scarf designed to keep your neck and chest totally warm and protected."

Honestly, that's a terrible description of the Necky . . . for several reasons. Not the least of which is that it isn't really a scarf. It's more like a fleece BIB that slides over your head, covering your neck and chest. (Jezebel)

(--You can buy a Necky for $9.95 here . . .)
https://www.buynecky.com

(--Check out an ad for the Necky here . . .)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VqcE1xMJGU


THREE REASONS TO STOP SKIPPING BREAKFAST:

Everybody knows that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But a lot of people STILL skip it. Here are three reasons you shouldn't.

#1.) IF YOU SKIP BREAKFAST, YOU'LL GAIN WEIGHT. It sounds backwards, but it's true. When you skip meals, your metabolism slows down because your body thinks you're out of food.

Think about it this way: If you got stranded in the wilderness with nothing to eat, your body would stop burning calories so it could survive as long as possible. --And even though YOU know you'll be eating lunch in a few hours, your BODY doesn't. So having breakfast keeps your metabolism going, and it can help you lose weight, as long as you stay away from unhealthy breakfast foods like sausage and waffles.

#2.) IF YOU SKIP BREAKFAST, YOU'LL JUST GORGE LATER. People who skip breakfast tend to have a big lunch. And since skipping breakfast makes your metabolism slow down, a lot of what you eat at lunch will be stored as fat.

#3.) SKIPPING BREAKFAST MAKES YOU STUPID. It's been proven that kids score higher on tests if they eat before they go to school. And the same goes for you. --If you're skipping breakfast and having trouble focusing at work, there's probably a connection. (Yahoo.com)


THE LEAST PAINFUL WAY TO REMOVE A BAND-AID IS QUICKLY AND ALL AT ONCE:

It never ceases to amaze me all the ridiculous "academic" studies that somehow manage to get funding.

For example, you've probably been told that it's more painful to remove a Band-Aid slowly, than if you remove it quickly and all at once. But it seems researchers at James Cook University in Australia weren't convinced.

So they had 65 test subjects remove Band-Aids either quickly or slowly, and then rank their pain reactions on a scale of ZERO to TEN. So what did they learn? --Overall, it's nearly TWICE as painful to remove a Band-Aid slowly than ripping it off quickly.

A guy named Dr. Carl O'Kane led the study. He says, quote, "It's fascinating that if you had a preconception that slow was going to be more painful, in fact it was. --"So it also suggests that pain is not just what you perceive, but what you think you will perceive when you get the painful stimulus. So there's a lot of cultural and psychological factors there as well." Basically, that's a long-winded way of saying it's more painful to remove a Band-Aid slowly, at least in part, because people think it's more painful.

In other words, the study was completely pointless. (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)


NAZZY'S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

This family synched up their Christmas lights with their son's "Guitar Hero" video game to create "Christmas Light Hero."http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXjbMIZzAgs(Search Terms: "Christmas Light Hero" "Guitar Hero" video)


To remind people that soda can make you gain weight, the New York City Department of Health released this disgusting ad showing a man drinking a glass of fat.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F4t8zL6F0c(Search Terms: man drinking fat NYC health anti-soda ad)


Here's a live-action version of the "Simpsons" opening . . . set in the Ukraine.http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/Ukranian_Live_Action_Simpsons_Opening/(Search Terms: Ukrainian live action Simpsons opening)


Here's an oddly impressive video of a guy beatboxing and playing the flute at the same time.http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926289(Search Terms: awesome beatboxing flute video CollegeHumor.com)


THE 2009 HOLIDAY TIP GUIDE:

Even in a recession, you're expected to tip certain people during the holidays. Your doorman, your trash collector, and your yoga instructor might all be expecting tips. Here's a guide from "Real Simple" magazine to help you give the right amount to the right people.

#1.) YOUR BUILDING SUPERINTENDENT. Anywhere between $20 and $100, depending on how helpful he's been.

#2.) YOUR DOORMAN. $20 to $100. The average tip is $50, but if you have multiple doormen, then $15 each is fine.

#3.) YOUR GARDENER. $20 to $50. But if he comes over all the time and does a lot for you, you can give up to a week's pay.

#4.) YOUR HANDYMAN. $15 to $40, depending on how much you've had him do.

#5.) YOUR TRASH AND RECYCLING COLLECTORS. If it's a private service, tip $10 to $30 total. If it's run by the city, check their regulations on the Internet. They might not allow tipping.

#6.) YOUR DOG WALKER. A week's pay or a gift worth that amount.

#7.) YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER. Don't give money. Assuming the school allows gifts, try to spend $25 or less, and include a handwritten note.

#8.) YOUR DAY-CARE STAFF. If it's just one person, then $50 to $100 is appropriate. If it's a team of people, $20 to $25 each is fine. And pair it with a homemade gift from your child.

#9.) YOUR BABYSITTER. Give cash or a gift that's equal to one or two night's pay. You can give her a present instead, but avoid kid-oriented gifts. In other words, don't buy something for your kid, then try to pass it off as a legitimate gift for your babysitter.

#10.) YOUR NEWSPAPER DELIVERYMAN. If it's an adult, $10 to $30, or the price of one month's subscription. If it's a kid, you can get away with giving less.

#11.) YOUR CLEANING LADY. Up to a week's pay and a small gift.

#12.) YOUR PERSONAL TRAINER, YOGA INSTRUCTOR, OR MASSAGE THERAPIST. Whatever one visit costs. Or give a modest gift, but avoid unhealthy things like chocolate and cookies. (RealSimple.com)

December 14, 2009 - Blog

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW!

TIGER WOODS HAS ADMITTED TO "INFIDELITY" . . . AND HE'S TAKING A BREAK FROM GOLF:

TIGER WOODS issued another statement on Friday. This time, he admitted to INFIDELITY . . . but didn't go into any detail . . . and announced that he's taking an indefinite break from golf.

He said, quote, "I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. --"It may not be possible to repair the damage I've done, but I want to do my best to try."

He added, quote, "After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person." (--You can read the entire statement here . . .)http://web.tigerwoods.com/news/article/200912117801012/news/

--PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem threw his support behind Tiger, saying, quote, "His priorities are where they need to be, and we will continue to respect and honor his family's request for privacy. --"We look forward to Tiger's return to the PGA Tour when he determines the time is right for him."

Nike did the same, saying, quote, "Tiger has been part of Nike for more than a decade. He is the best golfer in the world and one of the greatest athletes of his era. We look forward to his return to golf. He and his family have Nike's full support." --Gillette, on the other hand, has decided to phase Tiger out of its ads while he sorts out his personal affairs. --The global management company Accenture is also turning its back on him.

The company says, quote, "Given the circumstances of the last two weeks, after careful consideration and analysis, the company has determined that he is no longer the right representative for its advertising." Accenture also said that it wishes only the best for Tiger Woods and his family.

(--Nike is gonna come out ahead on this one. Let's get serious here: Tiger didn't kill anyone. He didn't rob any old ladies. He cheated on his wife. Lots of guys do it, and the world doesn't stop turning. He'll be back someday, and he'll probably be just as good as he ever was. And Nike will have his loyalty BIG TIME.)

TIGER WOODS TOLD A NEW ZEALAND TV SHOW THAT FAMILY COMES FIRST:

This is kind of amusing if you're not ELIN NORDEGREN . . . In an interview conducted last month for some New Zealand TV show, TIGER WOODS talked about putting his FAMILY FIRST. --The interviewer said, quote, "Family first and golf second. [Will it] always be like that?"--To which Tiger replied, quote, "Always."


RACHEL UCHITEL GOT AN APOLOGY FROM "THE VIEW" . . . BUT NOT THE ONE SHE WANTED:

"The View" has apologized to TIGER WOODS' #1 mistress, RACHEL UCHITEL, for JOY BEHAR'S joke last week. But it wasn't good enough for Rachel. (--Joy dropped the now-classic rim shot, "Uchitel she's a hooker.")

The show issued the following statement . . . quote, "Joy Behar made a play on Ms. Uchitel's name. This was intended as a joke. We sincerely apologize for the choice of words and for any misimpression the joke may have created." --But Rachel wants more. Specifically, she wants to hear an ON-AIR apology. --Rachel's fame-whoring attorney, Gloria Allred, says, quote, "We still think it is important that the apology to Rachel be broadcast on the air on Monday's show. --"Rachel values her reputation and we look forward to ABC's broadcasting their apology to all those who heard it on their show. Because the statement was made on 'The View', the apology must be broadcast on that show as well."

(--Not a big Gloria Allred fan, but she definitely has a point. For the apology to equal and offset the offense, it really should be heard under the same circumstances.)

Surprisingly, we only have one more note concerning Rachel today: "Extra" claims that Rachel is in negotiations to pose for "Playboy", and she's looking for big bucks. (--And presumably no Whammies.) (???) --Allred says this is NOT true . . . and, quote, "Rachel will not be appearing in 'Playboy'."

MEET TIGER'S LATEST ANGEL:

Tiger has a new angel. British TV personality JODIE KIDD is the latest in a long and ever-expanding line of women who've allegedly enjoyed some HOT BLASIAN LOVE from TIGER WOODS.

There have been rumors that one of Tiger's as-yet-unidentified mistresses was a British TV presenter. And now, London's "Daily Mail" claims it's Jodie. --Jodie admits she met Tiger twice . . . but denies any romantic involvement whatsoever. --She says, quote, "I'm aware of the rumors going around about a British TV personality, but I can assure you it's not me. Yes, I have met Tiger on two occasions. --"They were both golf related and he seemed very pleasant, but we probably exchanged about three words."

CHILD SERVICES VISITED TIGER'S HOUSE:

The Florida Department of Children and Families sent someone to TIGER WOODS' home on Friday, for what they're calling a, quote, "well-being check." --The department apparently received some kind of complaint . . . but they wouldn't say what it was about or who it was from. There's no word on the outcome of the visit.

(--It could be that they were just evaluating the home following the incidents . . . or alleged incidents . . . that occurred over Thanksgiving weekend. But at this point, no one really knows.)


MELISSA RYCROFT . . . who turned a very public "Bachelor" dumping into a successful run on "Dancing With the Stars" . . . got married Saturday in Mexico. Her husband is an insurance agent named Tye Strickland.

The guy who dumped her, JASON MESNICK, issued a statement saying he's, quote, "really happy for her." (--Jason and his eventual "Bachelor" pick, Molly Malaney, got engaged in October, but have yet to make The Big Mistake.)


THE TOP 10 MOVIES OF THE DECADE . . . ACCORDING TO "ROLLING STONE":
"Rolling Stone" movie critic Peter Travers has dropped his list of the Top 10 Movies of the Decade. Here they are . . .
1.) "There Will Be Blood"2.) "Children of Men"3.) "Mulholland Drive"4.) "A History of Violence"5.) "No Country for Old Men"6.) "The Incredibles"7.) "Brokeback Mountain"8.) "The Departed"9.) "Mystic River"10.) The "Lord of the Rings" trilogyhttp://www.rollingstone.com/photos/gallery/31234572/peter_travers_10_best_movies_of_t/photo/10

TAYLOR LAUTNER

In his opening monologue on "Saturday Night Live" this past weekend, TAYLOR LAUTNER poked fun at KANYE WEST'S now infamous stage-crashing incident at the "MTV Video Music Awards". --Taylor . . . who was actually onstage with TAYLOR SWIFT when it happened . . . joked about how he now wishes he would've defended Taylor.

(--If you didn't see it, and you can take yet another Kanye / "VMAs" parody, here's the link . . .) http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/taylor-lautner-monologue/1184683/


NOW THERE'S VIDEO OF AXL ROSE PUNCHING THAT PHOTOGRAPHER:

Now there's video of AXL ROSE'S altercation with the paparazzi at Los Angeles International Airport last Tuesday night. --In the video you can see Axl leveling the "photographer" with a punch to the head. It happens pretty fast, but it looks like Axl continues to kick at the guy while he's down. --It started when the photographer got into a scuffle with a woman who was traveling with Axl. Supposedly she wasn't happy about the guy trying to take her picture . . . or the way he was going about it.

In the video, you can hear Axl saying, quote, "touch her again, and I'll break [your] (effing) neck." The situation between the woman and the photographer continues . . . and Axl rushes him, knocking him to the floor. (--It's hard to hear exactly what Axl shouts at the end, but he's explaining why he attacked the other guy, and it sounds like he says, quote, "He hit my . . . he hit our mother!")

(--So maybe the woman is Axl's mom . . . or his girlfriend's mom . . . and the photographer got a little too close for Axl's comfort. But we're not sure.) (--You can watch the video, which includes BLEEPED PROFANITY, here . . .) http://www.tmz.com/videos?autoplay=true&mediaKey=7fb695fe-dcbf-4f11-9767-1e689122f12c

It's unclear whether anything will come of this. You can see TSA agents observing the brawl in the video, but airport police never got involved . . . and last week, airport officials said they had no record of the incident being reported.

The photographer who got punched has yet to comment. --Last week, Axl's people issued a statement saying that Axl was, quote, "accosted by an unruly group of paparazzi . . . who became aggressive with the singer and female members of the traveling group." --Axl made his flight to Taiwan, where GUNS 'N ROSES were kicking off a tour.


SOME RETAILERS AREN'T STOCKING CHRIS BROWN'S NEW ALBUM . . . AND HE'S NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT:

It has come to CHRIS BROWN'S attention that some retailers are not stocking his new disc, "Graffiti", which came out last Tuesday . . . and he's NOT happy about it.

On Friday, Chris blew off some steam in a rant on Twitter. Here are his Tweets: --"I'm tired of this (crap). Major stores [are] blackballing my CD. Not stockin' the shelves and lying to costumers. What the (eff) do I gotta do . . ." --"WTF . . . yeah I said it and I ain't retracting (crap). I'm not biting my tongue about [this] (crap) . . . the industry can kiss my ass."--"For those people who [are] constantly tweeting me with bull(crap) . . . hop off my ****. [Your] life is pointless. For the young fans: Honestly, sorry for all the cursing. All my [real] fans: Love you . . . [thanks] for everything."--Then, on Saturday night, he added a few messages, after he personally went to a Wal-Mart in Connecticut and couldn't find his album anywhere. He said, quote: --"Just was at Wal-Mart in Wallingford CT . . . [and] they didn't even have my album in the back . . . [or] on shelves, saw for myself. We talked to the managers and they didn't even know anything. Wow!!!" --"The manager told me that when there are new releases it's mandatory to put 'em on the shelves . . . BUT NO SIGN OF 'GRAFFITI'. BS."

Wal-Mart hasn't officially commented on this . . . and neither has any other retailer that is allegedly "blackballing" Chris. (--It sounded like Chris was referring to more than just Wal-Mart, but we haven't heard the names of any other stores.)

But if Chris' album IS being intentionally kept out of stores, chances are it has something to do with the fact that Chris is a convicted woman beater. (--I don't want to side with Wal-Mart . . . and their practice of arbitrarily censoring some of the products they carry . . . but Chris has no one to blame here except himself.)

(--Does he really think it's the "industry's" fault that a lot of people consider him somewhat of a controversial figure right now? Does he really expect not to face any career repercussions for beating up RIHANNA earlier this year?) (--Just because you apologize for something like that . . . and even if you really, really, REALLY mean it . . . it doesn't just go away.)


BEST OF BILLBOARD

"Billboard" has put all their "Best of the 2000s" and "Best of 2009" music lists together in one place. (--To check them out, hit up the link below. On that page, the Best of 2009 lists can be found by clicking on the link at the bottom.)http://www.billboard.com/features/best-of-the-2000s-1004051233.story#/features/best-of-the-2000s-1004051233.story

HOLIDAY HIJINX

PRESIDENT OBAMA SAYS HE GIVES BETTER GIFTS THAN HE RECEIVES:

Last night, ABC aired an interview between OPRAH WINFREY and BARACK and MICHELLE OBAMA. --Eventually, the discussion turned to the topic of giving gifts . . . at which point President Obama said he GIVES better gifts than he RECEIVES. Michelle Obama immediately disagreed.

(--By the way, President Obama says that when he was a kid, his deadbeat dad gave him a basketball one year for Christmas and it was the BEST gift he ever received.) (--Which proves once again that no matter how lousy you are as a parent, you can always make up for a lifetime of neglect with a few inexpensive tokens of your affection. Good to know . . . I guess?) (Yahoo News)


WHAT DOES YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE SAY ABOUT YOU?

Last night, I was surfing the Internet AND stumbled across the LAMEST CHRISTMAS ARTICLE EVER. --It ran in a paper called the "Daily Sentinel", and the so-called "journalist" who wrote it was trying to figure out what a person's Christmas tree says about their personality.

So what does your Christmas tree supposedly say about your personality?

-- REAL TREE versus ARTIFICIAL TREE:--According to the article, people who prefer real Christmas trees enjoy the outdoors, and they're trying to recreate the ambience of the woods inside their homes. --But people who like artificial trees are frugal. They want something that will last for years, and they don't want to make a big fuss about it. They also may be perfectionists who don't want to bother with gaps in the branches, or picking up needles.

--WHITE LIGHTS versus MULTICOLORED LIGHTS:--People who use white lights enjoy simplicity. On the other hand, people who decorate their tree with multicolored lights do so because it's festive and they like to party.

--ASSORTED ORNAMENTS versus MATCHING ORNAMENTS:--Apparently, people who decorate their tree with a variety of ornaments value their past and family history. The idea is that, typically, each ornament has a special meaning or story behind it. And, more often than not, the tree was decorated by a group of people. --But when a tree has matching ornaments, it means a single person decorated the tree with a specific vision of how it's supposed to look. Put another way, people who decorate their tree to have a "theme" tend to prefer order and consistency.

--STAR versus ANGEL:--People who top their tree with a star tend to be idealists. They also tend to make decisions more haphazardly . . . leaving their fate in the hands of "the universe." --Meanwhile, those who top their tree with an angel tend to be more religious, and they make decisions based on a Higher Power. (--And there you have it . . . the most useless guide to decorating your Christmas tree in, well, probably the entire history of Christmas trees. I hope you enjoyed.) (Daily Sentinel)


APPARENTLY, THE MALE EQUIVALENT OF A "COUGAR" IS CALLED A "RHINO":

For years, the term "cougar" has been used to describe older women who only date young men. The idea is that they're always on the prowl for "fresh meat" . . . just like cougars.

But that got us thinking: What do you call an older man who only dates younger women? --Well, apparently, the male equivalent of the "cougar" is called a "RHINO." Why? According to UrbanDictionary.com, a "rhino" is, quote: --"An older man on the prowl for a younger woman and, by definition, the gender opposite of the cougar. The rhino derives his name from his appearance because the specimen is more often than not both horny AND ugly.

"The rhino is usually found in warmer locales and can be spotted wearing either a flowered or pastel shirt (with 3 buttons opened to expose a mature mane of chest hair) tucked into khaki shorts and sporting boat shoes. --"Also look for horrendous dance moves, a white man's overbite, male pattern baldness and a penchant for picking up the bar tab." (Herald Sun)


GUYS ACTUALLY PREFER WOMEN WITH *SHORTER* LEGS:

You probably assume that guys prefer tall woman with LONG LEGS. But according to a new study from the University of Westminster in London, that's not the case. Listen to this . . . --Researchers asked more than 1,000 men to look at photos of different female body types, and to rate them in terms of attractiveness.

Along with the original pictures, the researchers also mixed in photos that had been altered so a woman's overall height stayed the same, but the length of her legs were slightly shortened or lengthened. --What they found is that if given a choice, men will rate a woman more attractive in a photo where her legs are slightly shorter and more proportionate to her overall height. --In other words, guys actually prefer women with shorter legs. (Daily Telegraph)


NAZZY'S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) Here's a slide show of kids posing with "Sketchy Santas" . . . accompanied by the worst rendition of "O Holy Night" you've ever heard. http://vimeo.com/8088486(Search Terms: "Sketchy Santa" vimeo.com)

#2.) On Friday, SARAH PALIN made a surprise appearance on "The Tonight Show". First, WILLIAM SHATNER read passages from Palin's autobiography . . . then Palin walked on stage and read from Shatner's autobiography. (--Palin arrives at 1:46.)http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/12/sarah-palin-william-shatner-tonight-show-going-rogue-video/(Search Terms: Sarah Palin William Shatner "Tonight Show")

FIVE WAYS TO PREPARE YOUR CAR FOR WINTER:

The first official day of winter is a week away, but it already FEELS like winter. So even if you think your car is running fine, you should get it checked out before it's too late. Because breaking down in cold weather stinks. . . and it can be dangerous. --Here are five ways to get your car ready . . .

#1.) CHECK YOUR OIL. You only need to get your oil changed once every three to four months. So if you do it now, you probably won't have to do it again until Spring. Plus, there are certain types of oil that can help your car run better in harsh conditions.

#2.) CHECK YOUR TIRES. If they're bald, you're asking for trouble. One little patch of ice can mean a serious car crash. Plus, if you hit a pothole with old tires on your car, it can damage the rims. Replacing your tires NOW is much cheaper.

#3.) CHECK YOUR DEFROSTER AND YOUR HEATER. Make sure it's running as well as possible. That way you won't have to wait as long for your car to warm up in the mornings.

#4.) CHECK YOUR BRAKES. Being able to stop quickly is always important, but it's CRUCIAL in the wintertime.

#5.) PACK THE ESSENTIALS. In case of an emergency, here's the stuff you should have in your car at all times: jumper cables, a spare, a jack, gloves, a blanket, an ice scraper, a flashlight, snacks, bottled water, and a first aid kit. (Quizzle.com)