Friday, October 21, 2011

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (10-21-11)

LOHAN LUNACY

Lindsay Lohan Showed Up at the Morgue Yesterday . . . But She Was Late and They Sent Her Home:

At this point, it's still not clear what it'll take for LINDSAY LOHAN to get her act together. --Lindsay showed up at the L.A. County Morgue yesterday to do some of the community service the judge ordered . . . but she was at least 20 MINUTES LATE, so they sent her home. --Lindsay was supposed to arrive by 8:00 A.M., but by 8:20, she still wasn't there, and they considered her a no-show. --All told, she was about 40 minutes late. She's SUPPOSED to be back this morning. --Lindsay's rep has an excuse, of course. He said, quote, "Lindsay arrived at the morgue approximately 20 minutes late and will be returning for orientation tomorrow. --"Her lateness was due to a combination of not knowing what entrance to go through and confusion caused by the media waiting for her arrival. --"Lindsay spoke with the supervisors at the morgue, they showed her how to get in and everything is all cleared up." --Lindsay stuck with that alibi on Twitter later in the day. She said, quote, "With all of the stress and pressure from yesterday and today, I've never been so happy to go therapy!!!! --"Also, I'm sorry for the confusion that I may of caused to those at the Coroner's office. Won't happen again, now I know where to go! Thank you for your help." (--Here's video of Lindsay showing up at the morgue in her $80,000 Porsche.) --But Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter called B.S. on Lindsay and her rep. He said, quote, "She's been here before, and she was given directions and . . . as far as we know, she knows how to get here." (--Here's video.)


If Lindsay Lohan Gets Sentenced to Jail Time, She Might Actually Spend Time in Jail:

LINDSAY LOHAN REALLY doesn't want to get slapped with a jail sentence this time . . . because she might actually have to SERVE THE SENTENCE, rather than being processed and then immediately released due to prison overcrowding. --And that comes straight from the man in charge, L.A. County Sheriff Lee Baca. Addressing the prison overcrowding issue on "Good Morning L.A.", he said, quote, "We have room for her." --He also called Lindsay, quote, "A very sick lady" . . . and said that they'd need to have Lindsay behind bars for at least 60 days in order to adequately help her through her addiction. (--Here's video.)


In 2006, Lindsay Lohan Laid Out a 10-Year Plan That Included Winning an Oscar:

In October of 2006, LINDSAY LOHAN laid out a 10-year plan to "In Style" magazine. It included getting married, having a house, making, quote, "the kind of record I want" and . . . WINNING AN OSCAR.--She's got five years to make it all happen. (--The only record Lindsay's been putting together lately is an ARREST record. And it may not be the one she WANTS to make, but it's impressive nonetheless. E! Online put all her mugshots side-by-side. Check 'em out here.)


Are Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Already Breaking Up?

KIM KARDASHIAN and KRIS HUMPHRIES have only been married about two months . . . and "Life & Style" magazine already has them breaking up.--A source says they're basically leading separate lives . . . quote, "Kim's mapping out 2012, including holidays, and Kris isn't a part of it. Any itineraries for the future don't include Kris very much. That's not a good sign." --Meanwhile, the "Star" tabloid claims Kim has already visited a DIVORCE LAWYER. A source says, quote, "Kris doesn't show up for Kim. He's breaking her heart." --And Kris was photographed yesterday moving boxes out of the New York City hotel he and Kim have been staying in. He wasn't wearing his wedding ring. (--Check it out here.) (Radar Online) --By the way, another source says the Kardashians are, quote, "flattered" that PRESIDENT OBAMA'S daughters watch their show. --Perhaps it didn't register with them that MICHELLE OBAMA kind of DISSED the show when she revealed that. --She said, quote, "Barack really thinks some of the Kardashian . . . when they watch that stuff . . . he doesn't like that as much. --"But I sort of feel like if we're talking about it, and I'm more concerned with how they take it in . . . what did you learn when you watched that. And if they're learning the right lessons, like, that was crazy, then I'm like, okay."


Demi Moore's Daughters Are Upset with Ashton:

We already heard that BRUCE WILLIS was mad at ASHTON KUTCHER for cheating on DEMI MOORE. But what about their daughters? --Well, they're not happy, either. And they were really close with Ashton. --A source says, quote, "They're horrified. They really care about their mom and adore Ashton; they don't want to think of him as a sex-addict monster like Tiger Woods. --"He slept with a random girl their age . . . The girls can't believe he'd humiliate the family like that for one night of lust. Ashton was like a brother to them. --"They were supportive of him last year, when the story came out about [his alleged affair with] Brittney Jones. They convinced Demi to give Ashton another chance." (--Bruce and Demi's daughters are 23-year-old Rumer, 20-year-old Scout and 17-year-old Tallulah.)
Ashton Kutcher Has Posted a Video About the Truth:

ASHTON KUTCHER posted a video online yesterday about, quote, "The state of honesty, the state of truth . . . the status of truth as it pertains to literature and the media." --Ashton didn't mention his own cheating scandal . . . but it sounded like that's what he was talking about. --He said that since it doesn't cost a dime to publish anything anymore, there are no longer any "gatekeepers of the truth." --As a result, quote, "People can bastardize the truth in any way, shape or form that they want . . . A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can leave someone's lips." (--There's more. You can watch the whole thing here.) --One more note on Ashton: You may have seen that RIDICULOUS fan tattoo a chick got on her back that read, "Ashton Kutcher I Love You . . . Love Is Forever Fan Love You". --Well, a picture of the tattoo has been online for a few weeks . . . but now, we also have a picture of the woman who got it. (--You know you're curious. Here it is.) (MediaTakeOut)


Scarlett Johansson Did Not Make Out with Joseph Gordon-Levitt . . . According to Her Rep:

SCARLETT JOHANSSON'S rep says there's no truth to the rumors about Scarlett and JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. --Here's the official statement . . . quote, "She is not dating Joseph nor did she kiss him. They are simply friends and talking about working on a project together." --And Joseph's rep adds, quote, "He wasn't even in NY when 'Us Weekly' alleges. Joseph has met with Scarlett about a potential project to work on together."


Does Shiloh Jolie-Pitt Have a Crush On Gwen Stefani's Son?

This seems low even for a supermarket tabloid: ANGELINA JOLIE and GWEN STEFANI recently hooked their kids up for some play dates . . . and now "In Touch Weekly" claims that Angie's daughter Shiloh has a crush on Gwen's son Kingston. --A source says, quote, "They love playing the same games, watching the same movies and even dressing up in the same silly costumes. It's a very special bond." --The kids travel a lot with their parents, but they've found a way to keep in touch even when they're in different cities: They SKYPE. (???) (--These kids are FIVE FREAKIN' YEARS OLD, by the way. Here's a picture of the "In Touch" story.) (D-Listed)


Joey Lawrence is Ripped!

Ladies, you may not think about JOEY LAWRENCE too often, but you SHOULD. This man is SERIOUSLY RIPPED. And he proved it yesterday during a shirtless workout at an L.A. park. (--Check out the pics. Tell me they don't deserve a "Whoa!") (PopSugar)


The Stars Tweet About Muammar Gaddafi's Death:

I know that the second you heard MUAMMAR GADDAFI had been killed, your first thought was, "What are the stars Tweeting about this?" Well . . . here you go . . .


--SETH MEYERS from "Saturday Night Live": "Gadhaffi's last words were 'How my hair look, Mike?' #Unconfirmed"


--JOEL MCHALE: "Gadhafi Caught! Is there nothing Boba Fett can't do!"


--HOLLY ROBINSON PEETE: "Wow Gadhafi was in power for 42 years??? Talk about no term limits! #alongasstime"


--Comedian JEFFREY ROSS: "Moammar Gaddhafi is dead. He's survived by his brothers Larry Gadhafi and Curly Gadhafi." (--Incidentally, Ross dressed like Gadhafi at the Charlie Sheen roast.)


--STEVE MARTIN: "Lunch with Gadhafi, cancelled."
Pee Wee Herman Hopes to Do "Dancing With the Stars" Next Season:

How BRILLIANT would this be: PEE WEE HERMAN says he hopes to compete on the next season of "Dancing With the Stars". --You may not have known this, but Pee Wee is good friends with DAVID ARQUETTE and COURTENEY COX . . . and he's been visiting the show to cheer David on. --He says, quote, "I hope to be dancing myself next season! That's why I'm there all the time, to get my face up there. Trying to butter up the producers and everything. Jury's out, I haven't heard yet." (--How could they NOT be interested? They'd have to be INSANE not to want this!)


Watch Harrison Ford Play a Video Game . . . And Get Into It:

HARRISON FORD may be 69, but he's not too old to enjoy video games. --Ford is doing commercials for a PlayStation game called "Uncharted 3" . . . and there's some raw video of him playing the game on YouTube. It's amusing how much he gets into it. (--Check out the video here.)


Check Out a Picture of the Drill Instructor from "Full Metal Jacket" . . . Knitting on a Plane:

Former Marine drill sergeant R. LEE ERMEY always plays some kind of bad-ass . . . most notably the drill instructor in "Full Metal Jacket". --Which is why the last thing you'd expect to see is a picture of him KNITTING on an airplane. (--And wouldn't you know, that's EXACTLY what I have to share with you. Check it out here.) (Neatorama)


John Travolta Tried to Book a Table at a KFC . . . And Got Denied:

JOHN TRAVOLTA was in England for some kind of conference, and his people called a local KFC to reserve a table for him and some guests. --But the employee told him that's not how it works, and he'd have to just get in line like everybody else. Obviously, this person didn't believe that John Travolta was actually trying to make a reservation at KFC.\ --A KFC spokesman later said, quote, "In hindsight, of course, we would have reserved a table for him."


Showbiz Photo of the Day - #1: Patrick Swayze's Wife Poses With His Wax Figure:

This is kind of cool and kind of heartbreaking at the same time: PATRICK SWAYZE'S widow LISA NIEMI was at Madame Tussaud's in Hollywood Wednesday to unveil her husband's new wax figure. --And she posed with it. (--Check out the pics here. Patrick and Lisa had been married 34 years when Patrick died of pancreatic cancer in 2009.) (People, Us Weekly) --Lisa said, quote, "In a way, it's really wonderful and exciting and everyone's in such a good mood here, and it's gonna be so fun to have this figure in the museum here, and at the same time it's bittersweet. --"I wish he were here, really here." (--Swayze's pose is based on a scene from "Dirty Dancing" where he teaches JENNIFER GREY how to balance by dancing with her on a log. You can watch it here.)


Showbiz Photo of the Day - #2: Charlie Sheen May Dress Up This Halloween as . . . Charlie Sheen:

CHARLIE SHEEN has posted a picture of himself holding up a Charlie Sheen Halloween mask. And he said, quote, "Got my Halloween costume... All set! (yeah...This really confused the kids!!)" (--Check it out here.) (Who Say)


NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND

The New "Three Musketeers" Opens Today . . . Here's What You Need to Know:

#1.) "The Three Musketeers" (PG-13) (Trailer) We get a new movie version of the classic Alexandre Dumas novel roughly every 20 years. This latest version adds flying warships to its special effects list, but the basic storyline is still the same: A young swordsman named D'Artagnan joins the musketeers in trying to stop the evil Cardinal Richilieu's plot to overthrow the king. The kid from "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" is D'Artagnan. And your musketeers are Luke Evans (Apollo in "Clash of the Titans"), Ray Stevenson (Titus on HBO's "Rome"), and Matthew Macfadyen (the Sheriff in Russell Crowe's "Robin Hood"). For those of you who could never keep your musketeers straight, Aramis is the womanizer, Porthos is the big guy, and Athos is the one haunted by his dark past with Lady De Winter. She's played by Milla Jovovich in this movie. Orlando Bloom is in it too, but he's stuck as one of the villains in the minor role of the Duke of Buckingham . . . who comes off as sort of a sky pirate with those airships.

(--Here's a cast breakdown of the last four major "Three Musketeers" movies . . .)

Cast
2011 version
1993 version
1973 version
1948 version
Richelieu
Christoph Waltz
Tim Curry
Charlton Heston
Vincent Price
De Winter
Milla Jovovich
Rebecca De Mornay
Faye Dunaway
Lana Turner
D'Artagnan
Logan Lerman
Chris O'Donnell
Michael York
Gene Kelly
Aramis
Luke Evans
Charlie Sheen
Richard Chamberlain
Robert Coote
Athos
Matthew MacFadyen
Kiefer Sutherland
Oliver Reed
Van Heflin
Porthos
Ray Stevenson
Oliver Platt
Frank Finlay
Gig Young


(--You may also remember Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich and Gerard Depardieu as older versions of the musketeers in Leonardo DiCaprio's 1998 movie "The Man in the Iron Mask". Gabriel Byrne was D'Artagnan in that one.)

#2.) "Paranormal Activity 3" (R)

This is a prequel. It takes place 18 years before the first two movies . . . back when Katie and Kristi were kids in 1988. They make friends with the invisible entity, but it turns hostile once their parents ask too many questions. (Trailer 1) (Trailer 2)

#3.) "Johnny English Reborn" (PG)

Rowan Atkinson returns as bumbling British spy Johnny English. He's pulled out of a Tibetan monastery in order to stop an assassination attempt on a Chinese leader. "X-Files" minx Gillian Anderson plays his boss. And, in a bit of interesting casting, they chose a Bond girl to play her hot blonde assistant. Rosamund Pike is her name, but you'd know her as Miranda Frost in Pierce Brosnan's "Die Another Day". (Trailer)


#4.) "The Mighty Macs" (G)

Carla Gugino is a women's basketball coach at a school with no gym, no interest in sports, and barely enough players to field a team. She wants to teach the girls to play as aggressively as men . . . but first she has to convince the nuns running the joint. --It's set in 1971 and based on the true story of a Hall of Fame women's basketball coach named Cathy Rush. David Boreanaz plays her husband, and "Grindhouse" minx Marley Shelton is a young nun helping her coach the team. (Trailer)


Here's an Uncensored Trailer for the "Harold and Kumar" Christmas Movie:

The TV commercials for "A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas" are pretty racy . . . but there's an UNEDITED trailer on line that goes a step . . . or three . . . further. (--The movie comes out November 4th. Check out the trailer here. WARNING!!! Nudity, foul language, drug abuse and sacrilege await you at this link.)


Check Out Some Pictures from "The Lorax":

We have some new pictures from the upcoming movie version of DR. SEUSS' "The Lorax". (--Check 'em out here.) (Entertainment Weekly (--"The Lorax" hits theaters in March. Danny DeVito provides the voice of the title character. The cast also includes Zac Efron, Ed Helms, Taylor Swift, Betty White and Willow Smith.)
An Old, '80s Matthew Perry Sitcom Predicted the Date of Muammar Gaddafi's Death . . . Almost:

In 1987, MATTHEW PERRY starred in a short-lived Fox sitcom called "Second Chance" . . . and this is interesting now because the show correctly predicted the date of MUAMMAR GADDAFI'S death. (--He died yesterday.) --Well, ALMOST . . . they were off by less than three months. Which isn't bad for a show that aired 24 YEARS AGO. --The premise of the show was that Matthew Perry's character dies 24 years into the future . . . but because he's neither good enough for heaven, nor bad enough for hell, he receives the rare opportunity to go back in time and live his life again. --That's the "second chance" . . . but the catch is that he goes back to live alongside the younger version of himself. (--Apparently, they thought the laughs would write themselves . . . but as it turned out, they could've used some good writers.) --Anyway, the pilot episode opens in St. Peter's office on July 29th of 2011 . . . where dead people are learning where they will spend their afterlife. --Before the older version of Matthew's character is judged, a just-deceased Muammar Gaddafi arrives and is sent to hell. So, the show was off by less than three months . . . or just 83 days. That's astonishing for an episode that aired roughly 8,800 days ago. (--You can find video on YouTube. It's over eight minutes long . . . but here's some help: The 2011 date is shown at the very beginning. Gaddafi appears at the 2:20 mark . . . and for fun, Matthew Perry appears at the 7:55 mark.)


President Obama Is Coming Back to "The Tonight Show":

On Tuesday, PRESIDENT OBAMA will be a guest on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno". It's his fourth time . . . he was on twice while running for president, and he was also a guest in March of 2009, shortly after taking office. --That was big because Obama became the first sitting president ever to appear on a late night talk show. Like the last time, he'll actually be in the studio with Jay.


Snooki Was *Not* Busted for Marijuana Possession:

Yesterday, a website claimed SNOOKI was arrested for possession of marijuana in New York, but it turned out to be BOGUS. She wasn't even in New York yesterday. --Her rep released a statement saying, quote, "The report is 100% false. As Ms. Polizzi's legal counsel is currently investigating this matter, we cannot comment any further except to assure [everyone] that this story is a complete fabrication." --The original report has since been retracted. (--The site that "reported" the story is MarijuanaMythbusters.com, and it seems like it was all a cheap publicity stunt. The site's purpose is to "bust myths pertaining to marijuana," and now they've deemed their own report a "myth.")


The Trailer for the New "Fear Factor" Is Out . . . and It Looks Insane:

You know how NBC is bringing back "Fear Factor"? Well, a trailer for the revival has hit the Internet . . . and they've REALLY ramped it up. It looks insane. --The two-minute trailer features: Someone being yanked off the ground by a helicopter, someone being yanked through the window of an office building, cars being driven into trains and lakes, people eating live scorpions, and no less than SEVEN explosions. --The show premieres December 12th. (--You can find the trailer at NBC.com.)


WEEKEND TV REMINDERS

Friday TV Reminders:


--"Supernatural" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on the CW. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" co-stars James Marsters and Charisma Carpenter guest star as a married couple. Unfortunately for him, his jealous wife also happens to be a witch.


--"Tyler Perry's House of Payne" [7th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TBS.


--"American Masters: Pearl Jam Twenty" . . . 9:00 to 11:30 P.M. on PBS. Director Cameron Crowe charts the rise of Pearl Jam over the past 20-years.


--"20/20" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. Stephanie Madoff Mack discusses her husband's suicide and her father-in-law's arrest for the largest Ponzi scheme in history. She also wrote a book about it all, called "The End of Normal".


--"Boss" [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Starz. Kelsey Grammer plays the mayor of Chicago, who is battling a degenerative brain disorder.


Saturday TV Reminders:

--"World Series: Game 3" . . . 7:30 to 10:30 P.M. Eastern on Fox. The Texas Rangers host the St Louis Cardinals at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, Texas.


--"Grand Ole Opry Live" . . . 7:00 to 9:00 P.M. on GAC. Martina McBride, Ronnie Milsap, Kellie Pickler and Lauren Alaina perform.


--"Austin City Limits" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. The Decemberists and Gillian Welch perform.


--"That Metal Show" [8th Season Finale] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1 Classic. Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich guests.


--"Saturday Night Live" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. Alec Baldwin guest hosts and Radiohead is the musical guest. (REPEAT)


Sunday TV Reminders:


--"Biography" . . . 8:00 A.M. to 10:00 A.M. on A&E. The film "Jaws" is examined thru the movie's origins, the adaptation of the bestseller, what is now termed the first real "summer blockbuster" and how Spielberg broke new ground in location filming.


--"World Series: Game 4" . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on Fox. The Texas Rangers host the St Louis Cardinals at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, Texas.


--"Sunday Night Football" . . . 8:20 to 11:20 P.M. Eastern on NBC. The New Orleans Saints host the Indianapolis Colts at the Superdome in New Orleans.


--"Once Upon A Time" [Series Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. The people in the small Maine town of Storybrooke are all fairytale characters who are under a spell and don't know their true identities. It stars Jennifer Morrison from "House", and Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White.


--"Desperate Housewives" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. Renee takes Lynette to a singles bar.


--"100 Moments That Changed TV" [Conclusion]. . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TV Guide. Landmark events include the birth of "American Idol", the origin of 24-hour cable news, and the negative impact the O.J. Simpson trial had on soap operas.


--"Day Jobs" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on GAC. Gary Allan, Eddie Montgomery and Josh Kelley are reunited with their pre-fame jobs.


--"Against the Wall" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Lifetime.


--"Wicked Fit" [Series Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Style. Fitness expert Katie Boyd helps aspiring beauty queens and suburban moms get into shape.


--"Pan Am" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. "ER" stud Goran Visnjic guest stars as Yugoslavian diplomat Niko Lonza whom Kate befriends as a way of infiltrating the exclusive Monte Carlo casino.


--"Robot Chicken" [5th Season Premiere] . . . 11:30 to 11:45 P.M. on Adult Swim. Justin Bieber is animated and given a sketch. Plus the "Peanuts" characters get dance lessons from Kevin Bacon's character in "Footloose".


BIEBER FEVER

What's Next for Justin Bieber? A "Mature" Album . . . and a Movie?

JUSTIN BIEBER'S Christmas album "Under the Mistletoe" doesn't even hit stores until November 1st . . . but he's already talking about his future plans, which include a "mature" album, and a MOVIE. --There aren't many details on the album, but Justin says he's hoping to have something out, quote, "soon . . . early next year." --Justin did say that he's looking to emulate JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE . . . and how he transitioned from 'N SYNC to his solo career. (--Which is smart, since his fans are still mostly young teenage girls.) --He explains, quote, "I'm going to mature . . . I'm going to evolve. I don't feel like I'm going to do it too fast or too slow. I'm going to do it at the pace that I feel comfortable doing it . . . --"I want to find something that's going to suit me and my fans are going to love . . . [that] older people will like and younger people will like. But I'm always trying to keep my core fanbase, because the young people are what make everything cool." --Justin also wants to do some acting. He says, quote, "Hopefully next summer I can start on a movie or something." He doesn't have a specific project yet . . . but he says his team is, quote, "working on a script." (--Justin's only real acting experience is appearing on two episodes of "CSI".)


Did Justin Bieber Cheat on Selena Gomez with a Model Named Macarena . . . Or Did He Just Compliment Her on Her Sweet Windbreaker?

There are some rumors making the rounds online claiming that JUSTIN BIEBER cheated on SELENA GOMEZ with an Argentinian model named Macarena Lemos. This supposedly happened while he was on tour there earlier this month. --The details are really dicey . . . but according to GossipCop.com, "several news sites in Argentina" say Justin was seen kissing Macarena . . . in a hotel suite . . . after complimenting her by saying, quote, "You are very pretty. I love your windbreaker." --The site also says Justin's reps "laughed" when being asked about the rumor, but there's no official comment. Another site says Macarena has confirmed that she "met" Justin, but denied that anything extracurricular happened. --Yet another site offered-up this "partially translated" and completely unintelligible statement from Macarena: Quote, "After greeting it, I returned to my table. I continued eating to a pair of meters of him. --"He seemed me very pretty . . . to his side I felt a truck driver."


Stevie Nicks Was Compelled to Write a Five-Page Essay After Seeing the "Twilight" Movie "New Moon":

We've heard that STEVIE NICKS is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY about the "Twilight" movies. But now, it sounds like her obsession is more ridiculous than we knew. --In a discussion with some high school students at the Grammy Museum in L.A. this week, she said that her favorite song off her last album "In Your Dreams" is "Moonlight" . . . because it was inspired by the "Twilight" movie "New Moon". --She explained, quote, "I saw it while we were on the road with Fleetwood Mac in Australia. I was so taken by the movie that I wrote a five-page essay after seeing it and went back to see it the next night in Brisbane. --"I had a piano in my room and I wrote ['Moonlight']." (--Is it just me, or is this causing Stevie's own creepy mysticism to dissipate? I can't be intrigued by a woman who's transfixed by "Twilight" . . . no, I just can't.)
Lil Wayne Wants to Retire from Rap When He's 35:

Rappers retire . . . threaten to retire . . . and un-retire all the time. In fact, many of them toss the word around as flippantly as the do the N-word . . . or "shawty." --So take this with a grain of salt. --LIL WAYNE tells "GQ" magazine that he'd like to retire from hip-hop by age 35. Wayne just turned 29 last month, so that would be within the next five or six years. --He explains, quote, "I have been doing this for 18 years. That's reason #1. I have accomplished all that I have set out to accomplish and more. Also, I have a label, and I've only put out two artists [Drake and Nicki Minaj]. --"I have a lot more work to do, and it'd be selfish to not focus on being the boss and focus on their projects. But the main reason is my kids, my children . . . --"Six [more] years, I can do this Lil Wayne thing, and my boys will be about seven and eight years old. And man, it's all about them then. --"You know, whatever they're doing. Sports. Whatever they're into. That's where I am. I'm at every game. I'm the dad with the hat on. The jersey. That's me. --"I feel like I'll be a new me, and how good is that? To actually be opening a brand-new door of life at 35? That'd be awesome. Totally awesome. I'm looking forward to it."


Everybody Wanted To Be David Nail's Friend When They Heard He Was Opening for Taylor Swift:

Witness the power that is TAYLOR SWIFT. When news got out that DAVID NAIL scored a couple of opening slots on Taylor's tour last weekend, "friends" he hadn't heard from in years started hitting him up for tickets. --He told "Country Weekly", quote, "I'll bet I had 35 messages on Facebook the next morning (after the shows were announced). --"Suddenly, someone who hasn't said hello or congratulations or anything: 'Hey, it'd be great if I could get seven tickets and meet 'n greet passes to the Taylor show.' And that's actually all we get is seven. I appreciate your modesty in only asking for seven."


FRIDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:

KIRSTIE ALLEY has been running around Europe with some young guy. Apparently, he's her DANCE PARTNER. He's a student of MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY, who was Kirstie's partner on "Dancing With the Stars". Yes, people in Europe are actually PAYING to watch Kirstie dance. (Full Story)


JESSICA SIMPSON hasn't confirmed she's pregnant yet, but she's reportedly shopping the exclusive announcement to various magazines . . . for $500,000. (Full Story)


Here's a rundown of yesterday's action in DR. CONRAD MURRAY'S manslaughter trial. (Full Story)


HOWIE KENDRICK of the Anaheim Angels apologized for making that 8-year-old kid cry. But on Twitter, not directly to the kid. (Full Story)


Rejoice, humanity! There might be a "Sharktopus 2"! (Full Story)


Check out a list of eight movies and the alternate endings that SHOULD have been used . . . including "Clerks", "Army of Darkness" and "First Blood". (Full Story)


Ali Fedotowsky has put her wedding to Roberto Martinez on hold, but . . . against all odds . . . they haven't broken up. Yet. She says, quote, "We're still engaged . . . we're still living together. We just don't feel the need to walk down the aisle right now." (Full Story)


RICK ROSS still isn't ready to perform, after suffering two seizures last week. Yesterday, he postponed his Sunday gig in Los Angeles. It's been rescheduled for January 14th. There's still no update on what's wrong with him. (Full Story)


GADDAFI IS DEAD

Muammar Gaddafi is Dead . . . Here are the Five Things You Need to Know:

It's NOT a good year to be evil. First OSAMA BIN LADEN was taken out . . . and yesterday, MUAMMAR GADDAFI was killed in Libya.

--Here are the five basics you need to know about Gaddafi's death. . .

#1.) He was killed after being captured. A rebel group called the National Transitional Council took over Libya in August after Gaddafi was overthrown. And yesterday their troops captured him. Then Gaddafi supporters OPENED FIRE. --As the rebel troops tried to load Gaddafi into a vehicle, he was shot in the right arm. As they drove away, he was hit in the head. That bullet killed him.

#2.) He was found hiding in a pipe. Gaddafi has been a fugitive on the run for two months The rebels found him in his hometown of Sirte, hiding in a small drainage pipe about three feet wide, filled with trash and sand.

#3.) There was an international warrant for his arrest for war crimes. Gaddafi ruled Libya for almost 42 years before he was overthrown, and the rebels wanted to take him alive to face charges for his crimes. --Listing all of them would take forever, but he funded terror groups around the world, and authorized the slaughter of the Libyan people who opposed him . . . he basically ordered his own troops to indiscriminately kill and rape. --And of course, there's the Lockerbie Bombing. Pan Am flight 103 from London to New York was blown up over Lockerbie, Scotland in December of 1988. --270 people died, including 189 Americans. In February, a Libyan official revealed that Gaddafi personally ordered the bombing.

#4.) His death is extremely symbolic for Libya. Libya has a long way to go in rebuilding and starting a new era.

--And one of Gaddafi's former aides described the capture and death as a crucial step in the process. Quote, "As long as he was on the run, he represented a very ominous danger to the Libyan people . . . [and] to the idea of democracy in Libya."


#5.) With Gaddafi dead, Libya can now announce its liberation. Tomorrow, the chair of the National Transitional Council will OFFICIALLY announce that Libya is liberated from Gaddafi and his government.


RANDOM STUFF

And Now, Three New Things to Worry About This Halloween:

#1.) Your kid is twice as likely to get hit by a car. On the average Halloween night, TWICE as many children are hit by cars and killed than on other nights. So make sure to keep them on the sidewalks and not running across the streets.


#2.) Pumpkin carving is dangerous. Finger and hand injuries are the most common reason people go to the emergency room on Halloween . . . and at least one-third of those are lacerations from pumpkin carving. --Pumpkin carving is especially dangerous for children . . . kids ages 10 to 14 are most likely to end up in the ER because of an accident.

#3.) Your child's costume could be a health hazard. A new study has found that 40% of parents allow their kids to use something UNSAFE as part of their Halloween costume. --That being said, they used a fairly loose definition of "unsafe." Unsafe items included sharp objects . . . with actually ARE unsafe . . . as well as baggy clothing and masks . . . which might be a LITTLE unsafe but can't be THAT deadly, right? (Yahoo / SafeKids.org)
Here are the Five Worst TV Commercials of 2011:

With the amount of money companies spend on commercials, and the number of middle managers who have to approve them, it's AMAZING how many horrible ads slip through. --The Consumerist.com just released their annual survey of the WORST commercials in the U.S., and it's safe to say they're all VERY deserving. Here are the top five . . .

#1.) Luvs Diapers, "Poop, There It Is". An animated commercial featuring babies aggressively pooping their diapers, all set to a parody version of the early '90s hip-hop song "Whoomp! There It Is" by TAG TEAM. (--Video here.)

#2.) AT&T, "Woman Hates Her Husband". A husband signs his family up for an unlimited plan, so his wife berates him and reveals how much she hates their marriage . . . because she doesn't realize the plan was free. (--Video here.)

#3.) Summer's Eve, "Hail to the V". A commercial talking about how much men have fought and killed over LADY PARTS . . . which then encourages modern women to make sure to properly douche theirs. (--Video here.)

#4.) AT&T and Samsung, "Spider". A woman sees a spider on a smartphone and it looks so realistic she freaks out in a restaurant, shrieking uncontrollably. (--Video here.)

#5.) GEICO, "Apps". This is the GEICO commercial where three guys in an office use different apps on their smartphones to celebrate the weekend. It doesn't QUITE tie in to insurance, and it got WAY overplayed. (--Video here.) (Consumerist)


Check Out Photos of What Drinking, Smoking, and Junk Food Can Do to Your Face in Ten Years:

This feels like an exaggerated SCARED STRAIGHT tactic . . . but it totally works. --A forensic expert in England altered a reporter's photos to show what she'd look like in a decade if she drank two glasses of wine a day . . . smoked a pack a day . . . or ate a high-sugar, high-carb diet every day. --And the photos are JARRING. --Drinking two drinks a day caused redness in the face, visible veins, forehead lines, neck lines, and crow's feet. --Smoking one pack a day had the worst aging effect: Deep wrinkles, tooth damage, sagging eyelids and cheeks, and dark circles under the eyes. --And eating the high-sugar diet led to a lot of wrinkles, a bloated face, acne, and thin skin. --They also did a comparison showing what she'd look like in 10 years after living healthy. (--You can see all the photo comparisons here.) (Daily Mail)


Women Look Perfect for Two Hours and 22 Minutes After Getting Ready:

According to a new survey, the average woman spends 38 minutes in the morning getting ready. And for that investment, how much time to they get where they look PERFECT? --The answer is . . . two hours and 22 minutes. After that, the average woman finds that her hair style isn't holding up and the make-up isn't doing its job right anymore. --In other words, if you finish getting ready at 7:40 A.M., you're going to feel like you need a touch-up by 10:03. -Most women recognized this . . . 75% say that over the course of a day, their appearance goes, quote, "drastically downhill." --Men, on the other hand, are MUCH more confident in how they look all day. More than half of the men in the survey said they look, quote, "great all day." --The survey also found that the average woman spends 10 minutes in the shower, 11 minutes drying and styling her hair, eight minutes doing make-up, and nine minutes picking what to wear. (Daily Mail)


One in Five People Are Getting a Second Job to Help Pay for Holiday Gifts . . . and One in Eight Already Have One:

(--We covered this topic earlier this week, but here's some new info . . .) Nearly half of Americans are going to have trouble affording holiday gifts this season. --A survey by CouponCabin.com found that 45% of people are worried about how they'll pay for Christmas presents. --Two thirds of Americans think that they'll have more trouble paying holiday expenses this year than they did last year. --One in five people are planning to get a SECOND JOB to pay for the holidays. And those people are late to the party, because one in eight people have ALREADY gotten one. --More than one in three Americans are affording the holidays the old-fashioned way . . . by going into debt on credit cards. One in ten will use layaway, and 3% will borrow money from family and friends. --Nearly six in ten people will use sales, discounts, and free gifts with purchase offers to pay for gifts. --The average shopper will spend $704.18 on the holidays this year. That includes $400 on gifts for family members and $63 for friends and co-workers. (WHEC.com)
One in Six Bosses Will Drive By an Employee's House to Make Sure They're Really There on Sick Days:

I don't know if you've heard, but some people LIE about being SICK to get time off from work. --And according to a survey by CareerBuilder, one in three employers say that workers take more sick time around the holidays. --Of course, that could also be because the holidays are in winter, and more people actually get SICK during the winter. --But if you're thinking about faking a sick day, be warned: One in seven bosses have fired an employee for abusing their sick days . . . and more than one in four have checked up on employees. --Seven in ten employers require a doctor's note when an employee takes a sick day, and more than half have called an employee's house to make sure they're home to pick up. --And one in six bosses DROVE by the employee's HOUSE to check on them. (PR Newswire)


Some Guy From St. Louis Has Already Won $125,000 Because the Cardinals are in the World Series . . . and Will Get $250,000 If They Win:

Here's where being a diehard fan of your team AND being a reckless gambler collide . . . FOR MASSIVE PROFIT. --On September 12th, the St. Louis Cardinals lost 6-to-5 to the Pittsburgh Pirates. That put them five games back in the National League wild card race with only 15 games to play . . . meaning they were a HUGE longshot to make the playoffs. --But there was one Cardinals fan from St. Louis who still had faith . . . and he happened to be at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. That night, they had the odds of St. Louis making the World Series at 500-to-1, and winning it at 999-to-1. --That guy, whose identity hasn't been released, put $250 on both of those bets. --The Cardinals went on a tear . . . the Atlanta Braves collapsed, even though they were the wild card leaders at the time . . . and the Cardinals ended up making the playoffs. Then they beat the Phillies. And then they beat the Brewers.--When they beat the Brewers, won the National League, and made the World Series, the guy's 500-to-1 bet paid off . . . and he won $125,000. --If the Cardinals win the World Series, he'll get another $250,000. Last night was Game 2, and they lost. Which is too bad, because they won the first game, and teams that go up 2-0 in the World Series have won 40 out of 50 times. (Deadspin) (--Here are photos of his gambling tickets.)


Obituary of the Day . . . a Man Who was Circumcised With His Dad's Pocket Knife in 1939:

We've never done an "Obituary of the Day" before . . . but this guy deserves to be in the spotlight. Because Chan Holcombe of Fort Smith, Arkansas CLEARLY didn't get the recognition he deserved when he was alive. --Chan died last week at age 72 . . . his cause of death wasn't disclosed. But that's the ONLY private secret his obituary keeps. Because the second sentence reads, quote . . . --"He was born [in 1939] . . . in a log cabin in Bates, Arkansas and was circumcised with his Dad's pocket knife." --Unfortunately it doesn't elaborate on that, so we'll all just go on wondering two things: Why his family included that detail, and why they don't make men that tough anymore.--Chan also went on to serve in the Air Force. He had four children, four grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. (Dignity Memorial)


There Are More Faulty Bridges in American Cities Than McDonald's Restaurants?

A report by Transportation For America found that more than 18,000 bridges in America are structurally deficient, which means they need to be replaced or repaired. --That means there are more bad bridges in America than McDonald's restaurants. (--There are about 13,000 McDonald's restaurants in the United States.) --In Los Angeles, 396 cars go over a deficient bridge every SECOND, and almost one in three bridges in Pittsburgh need to be fixed or replaced. --On in five bridges in San Francisco and Philadelphia are deficient, which ranks them behind Pittsburgh among large cities. --Oklahoma City has the worst bridges of mid-sized cities, followed by San Jose and Providence. Among small cities, Tulsa is the worst, followed by Lancaster and Scranton, Pennsylvania. --The safest bridges are in Orlando, Las Vegas, and Fort Myers, where less than 1% of bridges are unsafe. (Transportation for America)
MEATBALL CRIMINALS

Cops in Oregon Have Busted a Drug Ring That Passed Out "Heroin For Sale" Signs:

There actually is such a thing as a business that DOESN'T benefit from heavy marketing and advertising. The illegal drug business. -In North Portland, Oregon, a HEROIN RING was busted this week . . . because of their aggressive marketing campaign. --And by "aggressive marketing campaign" I mean . . . they went around the neighborhood passing out fliers that said "HEROIN FOR SALE." --The fliers ALSO had the names and address of the dealers. Someone passed one along to the police. --They raided the drug house on Tuesday and found marijuana, heroin, a meth lab, and thousands of dollars in cash. --Six adults were arrested. (NBC 8 - Portland)


A Man Tried to Turn His Poop Into Gold . . . Ended Up Setting His Apartment Complex on Fire . . . and Got Three Months in Jail:

Alchemy is an ancient type of pseudo-science where people tried to turn useless metals and elements into gold and silver. It's all been debunked, and no one really does it anymore. --Except for 30-year-old Paul Moran of Enniskillen, Northern Ireland. See, Paul came up with a theory that he could . . . wait for it . . . turn his POOP INTO GOLD just by heating it up. --So over the summer, Paul did his business, collected his load, and put it on the electric heater in his apartment. --It did not turn to gold. --Instead, it set the apartment complex ON FIRE. --No one was hurt, but there was almost $5,000 in damage. --Paul was in court this week. He admitted to arson and endangering the lives of others and received three months in jail and a year of probation. (Belfast Telegraph)


RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:


A 61-year-old woman in Mississippi called the wrong number when she was trying to sell some painkillers on Tuesday night, and got a police officer in the narcotics division. He thought it was a prank and hung up, but she kept calling and even started texting. Eventually he arranged a meeting and arrested her. (Full Story)


54% of households have already turned on their heat. And one in four refuse to turn it on this early. (Full Story)


LinkedIn profile pages with a photo are SEVEN TIMES more likely to be viewed. And you should use a photo showing you in action, and an expression that communicates energy and joy. (Full Story)


According to a new study, junk food is bad for your man-seed: A poor diet can lead to infertility. (Full Story)


72 million Americans access social networks with their phones, up 37% from last year. (Full Story)


Federal, state, and local governments spend $4 billion a year on full-time community college students who drop out after one year. (Full Story)
NAZZY’S VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) Two Kids Got a Surprise Trip to Disney World . . . but Wanted to Go to Chattanooga, Tennessee Instead:

Remember the video of the little girl breaking down in tears when her parents surprised her with a trip to Disneyland? THOSE were tears of joy. --But there's a new video online of a boy and girl finding out they're going to Disney World. And the girl starts crying because she wants to go to Chattanooga, Tennessee instead. (???) --Apparently, the original plan was Chattanooga, and the kids were A LOT more excited than their parents thought. At first, the girl's brother is sad too. Then he wises up when his mom says they'll have dinner with Mickey. But the girl just keeps crying. (--Search for "Parents Surprise Kids with Disney Vacation Fail." They find out about Disney World at :45, and the girls starts crying at 1:24.)


#2.) A Morning Show Host Showed Off Her High Heels . . . and Fell:

Earlier this week, shoe designer Christian Louboutin talked about how women secretly like wearing high heels, because it puts their arch in the same position it's in when they're CLIMAXING. --Anyway, two female morning show hosts in New York did a story on it on Wednesday . . . and showed off the high heels they were wearing. Then one of them tried to walk back to the anchor desk . . . and fell. --Her name is Sukanya Kirshnan, and this isn't the first time she's had an on-air spill. She also bit it while she was dancing in a segment last year. (--Search for "PIX Morning news Anchor Falls While Showing Off High Heels." She falls at 1:42.)


#3.) Check out the First Ever Side Flip Landed on a Skateboard:

There's a new video of a skater in a half pipe doing a side flip off his skateboard. Then he lands on a DIFFERENT skateboard. According to all the video sites, it's the first time anyone's landed it. (--Search for "First Skateboard Side Flip.")


#4.) Hillary Clinton Made Fun of Herman Cain During Her Meeting with the President of Afghanistan:

Secretary of State HILLARY CLINTON met with President Hamid Karzai in Afghanistan yesterday. And she made fun of HERMAN CAIN for saying it doesn't matter if he can't name the leaders of foreign countries. (--Last week he talked about how he didn't need to know the name of the leader of "Ubek-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan". Obviously, that was a reference to Uzbekistan.)
(--Search for "Clinton, Karzai Share Laugh About Cain.")


#5.) A Streaker at the UCLA-Arizona Game Caused a Bench-Clearing Brawl?

There was a huge brawl at the UCLA-Arizona last night. Arizona was up 42-to7 with two seconds left in the first half, when a fan dressed as a ref ran up to the real refs, started taking off his shirt, and ran away. We're not sure if he got all the way naked. --But 15 seconds later, three players from each team started talking smack, BOTH BENCHES cleared, punches were thrown, and the chaos spread across 60 yards. Eventually one player from each team was ejected. Arizona won, 48-to-12. (--Search for "A Streaker Leading To A Bench-Clearing Brawl In Tonight's UCLA/Arizona Game.")
Five Apps That Can Make You a Better Cook:

If you're looking for a cheap date this weekend, you can save a lot if you MAKE dinner instead of going out. If your cooking SUCKS, don't worry: Here are the top five iPhone and iPad apps that can make you a better cook.

#1.) "How to Cook Everything". The recipes are organized by ingredients, so it's easier to cook with whatever's in your fridge. It's based on a cookbook by "New York Times" writer Mark Bittman. The iPhone version is $5, and the iPad version is $10.

#2.) "Kitchen Math". It's 99 cents on the iPhone, and quickly calculates things like how many teaspoons are in a cup. Plus, it tells you the correct cooking temperatures for meat and poultry, so you won't overcook it or undercook it.

#3.) "Harvest". This one helps you pick out fresh produce at the grocery store. It tells you what's in season, and how to make sure what you're buying is ripe. It costs $10 on both the iPhone or the iPad.

#4.) "Appetites". It has step-by-step cooking instructions from chefs. And each lesson has a video shot from the cook's point-of-view, so you can see exactly how it's done. It costs 99 cents, and each recipe you buy is another 99 cents.

#5.) "The Professional Chef". It's based on the textbook they use at the Culinary Institute of America, which is considered the best cooking school in America. And everything in the app is required reading for students. --It teaches you the basics of cooking in 36 chapters and 60 instructional videos. It's the most complete cooking app on the list, but it costs $50 and it's only available for the iPad. Still, it's a LOT cheaper than cooking school. (Bon Appétit)



This Year's Hot Halloween Costumes for Couples Include Dead Celebrities and the Royal Couple:

Halloween is coming up FAST, so if you still haven't decided on a costume, we've got a list of five ideas for couples.

#1.) Amy Winehouse and Steve Jobs. They're the biggest celebrity deaths of the year, so naturally a bunch of people will be dressing up as them for Halloween.


#2.) Charlie Sheen and His Goddess. You can pick up a Charlie Sheen mask for less than 20 bucks online. It's on you to decide whether you want to go as "Major League" Charlie or "Two and a Half Men" Charlie.


#3.) Prince William and Kate Middleton. The Royal Wedding was a hot celebrity topic earlier this year. But doing Prince William and Kate Middleton is an even BETTER couples costume now that the buzz has died down,


#4.) Mad Men. Even if you've never seen the show, the vintage "Mad Men" look is hot right now. And dressing up as the characters is easy. Just hit up a vintage clothing store for some '60s-era clothing.


#5.) Vampire and Zombie. Vampires and zombies are always big on Halloween, but they'll be especially popular this year thanks to stuff like "Twilight" and "The Walking Dead". (International Business Times)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (10-20-11)

LOHAN LUNACY

Lindsay Lohan Was Handcuffed and Led Out of Court After Her Probation Was Revoked:

LINDSAY LOHAN was HANDCUFFED and led out of court yesterday, after Judge Stephanie Sautner FINALLY got hardcore with her and revoked her probation. (--TMZ has video of Lindsay being cuffed and led away . . . and video of the judge giving her the business. Check 'em both out here.) --Lindsay was immediately released on $100,000 bail, and she's due back in court November 2nd. At that point, they'll officially determine if Lindsay violated her probation and what, if any, new punishments she'll face. --Obviously, jail time is a possibility. But if that happens, it could just be another situation where they check her in, then check her back out immediately due to prison overcrowding. --Ahead of yesterday's hearing, the probation department gave Lindsay a glowing review . . . which Judge Sautner basically said was B.S. (--You can read the report here.) --She was mostly concerned with Lindsay being booted from that women's shelter for missing NINE scheduled appointments. And she refused to accept Lindsay being reassigned to the Red Cross. --She said, quote, "No one has the power to change my sentence. Not the volunteer center and not probation. She is not getting credit for any time at the American Red Cross." --Lindsay's lawyer noted to the judge that the department's review said Lindsay has, quote, "reached a turning point in her accountability and maturity." --And the judge replied, quote, "Failing to show up nine times is reaching a turning point in her maturity?" --Lindsay was given a year to complete her community service. And even though she still has six months to go, Judge Sautner was NOT happy with her progress. --She noted that Lindsay still has about 57 of her required 60 days left to do. -Here's something that REALLY got under the judge's skin: The probation report stated that Lindsay didn't like working at the women's shelter because it wasn't, quote, "fulfilling" for her. --Judge Sautner said, quote, "Is that what a sentence is about? Is it supposed to fulfill the defendant, or is it supposed to be rehabilitative and / or punitive?" --Judge Sautner also said she doubts that Lindsay has attended all her court-ordered weekly counseling sessions, because she's spent so much time out of the country. --Judge Sautner dropped one other bomb on Lindsay: Until her November 2nd hearing, Lindsay MUST work a minimum of two days a week at the L.A. County Morgue . . . for a minimum of eight hours a day. --Lindsay's original sentence was 360 hours at the shelter and 120 at the morgue, for a total of 480 hours. --Lindsay will do janitorial work at the morgue, like emptying trash, vacuuming and cleaning toilets. She might see corpses, but a police spokesman says, quote, "She will not be touching, handling or processing any dead people." --Oh . . . and here's one last jab from Judge Sautner to Lindsay's attorney . . . quote, "She is supposed to be an actress from what I hear. I don't know how much acting work she's done or is doing."


Scarlett Johansson . . . Is Joseph Gordon-Levitt Dattin' That?

"Us Weekly" claims that SCARLETT JOHANSSON and JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT were spotted making out in New York City last month. There's no word why it took so long for this report to surface. --A source says, quote, "They were kissing. They were very lovey. They first met about a film they wanted to do together, but it's gone beyond that now."


Danny Masterson and Bijou Phillips Are Married:

DANNY MASTERSON and BIJOU PHILLIPS got married Tuesday at a private castle in Ireland. They've been together for about eight years. --Danny's brother CHRIS MASTERSON was best man, and other guests included actors Ben Foster, Mike Pena and Ethan Suplee. --One person who wasn't there was Danny's "That '70s Show" co-star ASHTON KUTCHER. But he's probably on a short leash these days.


Check Out the Video for William Shatner's "Bohemian Rhapsody":

"Bohemian Rhapsody" is one of the songs WILLIAM SHATNER brilliantly butchers on his new album, "Seeking Major Tom". And now, there's a VIDEO. (--You can check it out here.)


Alec Baldwin Hit Occupy Wall Street Tuesday Night:

ALEC BALDWIN isn't against Capitalism . . . but he's for stronger regulations. And he took that message to the Occupy Wall Street protest on Tuesday night. (--You can check out video of him being interviewed on the street here.) --Later on, he Tweeted, quote, "OWS needs to coalesce around some legislative policy. The 'occupy' strategy may be an effective one. But what can each entity agree on? --"Campaign finance reform remains the linchpin of our democracy's many problems." --He added, quote, "We need a healthy banking system in this country. We need strong capital markets. What is missing are regulations with teeth."
MICHAEL JACKSON MADNESS

Did Dr. Conrad Murray Give Propofol a Bad Name?

A leading expert on the anesthetic drug propofol was back on the witness stand in DR. CONRAD MURRAY'S manslaughter trial yesterday. --Dr. Steven Shafer . . . the prosecution's final witness . . . says Dr. Murray has given propofol a BAD NAME through his negligence. --He said, quote, "I am asked every day I'm in the operating room . . . 'Are you going to give me the drug that killed MICHAEL JACKSON?'" --Shafer also showed a video re-enactment of an O.R. patient going into cardiac arrest while on propofol . . . which is what happened to Michael. In the video, however, doctors have all the proper equipment and they save the patient. --Shafer said Michael could have been saved if Dr. Murray had acted appropriately and had the right equipment on hand. --In all, he outlined 17 major infractions Dr. Murray reportedly committed . . . including not calling 911 right away, which he called, quote, "so egregious that I actually find it difficult to comprehend." --Another thing he did wrong was to even give Michael propofol in the first place. --Shafer said, quote, "If Dr. Murray had acted like a doctor, the first time Michael had said, 'I need propofol to sleep,' Dr. Murray would have said, 'You have a sleep disorder and you need to be evaluated by a sleep doctor. I am not giving you anything.'" --Another thing Dr. Murray did wrong was to leave Michael alone while he was under. --And then there was his lackluster attempt at CPR . . . performing chest compressions with one hand while Michael was still on his bed, instead of putting him on a hard surface. --Dr. Murray's lawyers will cross-examine Shafer today, then begin calling their own witnesses. They're expected to wrap up their case sometime next week.


NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND

The New "Three Musketeers" Opens Tomorrow . . . Here Are the Details:

#1.) "The Three Musketeers" (PG-13) (Trailer)

We get a new movie version of the classic Alexandre Dumas novel roughly every 20 years. This latest version adds flying warships to its special effects list, but the basic storyline is still the same: A young swordsman named D'Artagnan joins the musketeers in trying to stop the evil Cardinal Richilieu's plot to overthrow the king. The kid from "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" is D'Artagnan. And your musketeers are Luke Evans (Apollo in "Clash of the Titans"), Ray Stevenson (Titus on HBO's "Rome"), and Matthew Macfadyen (the Sheriff in Russell Crowe's "Robin Hood"). or those of you who could never keep your musketeers straight, Aramis is the womanizer, Porthos is the big guy, and Athos is the one haunted by his dark past with Lady De Winter. She's played by Milla Jovovich in this movie. Orlando Bloom is in it too, but he's stuck as one of the villains in the minor role of the Duke of Buckingham . . . who comes off as sort of a sky pirate with those airships. (--Here's a cast breakdown of the last four major "Three Musketeers" movies . . .)

Cast
2011 version
1993 version
1973 version
1948 version
Richelieu
Christoph Waltz
Tim Curry
Charlton Heston
Vincent Price
De Winter
Milla Jovovich
Rebecca De Mornay
Faye Dunaway
Lana Turner
D'Artagnan
Logan Lerman
Chris O'Donnell
Michael York
Gene Kelly
Aramis
Luke Evans
Charlie Sheen
Richard Chamberlain
Robert Coote
Athos
Matthew MacFadyen
Kiefer Sutherland
Oliver Reed
Van Heflin
Porthos
Ray Stevenson
Oliver Platt
Frank Finlay
Gig Young

(--You may also remember Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich and Gerard Depardieu as older versions of the musketeers in Leonardo DiCaprio's 1998 movie "The Man in the Iron Mask". Gabriel Byrne was D'Artagnan in that one.)
#2.) "Paranormal Activity 3" (R)

This is a prequel. It takes place 18 years before the first two movies . . . back when Katie and Kristi were kids in 1988. They make friends with the invisible entity, but it turns hostile once their parents ask too many questions. (Trailer 1) (Trailer 2)


#3.) "Johnny English Reborn" (PG)

Rowan Atkinson returns as bumbling British spy Johnny English. He's pulled out of a Tibetan monastery in order to stop an assassination attempt on a Chinese leader. "X-Files" minx Gillian Anderson plays his boss. And, in a bit of interesting casting, they chose a Bond girl to play her hot blonde assistant. Rosamund Pike is her name, but you'd know her as Miranda Frost in Pierce Brosnan's "Die Another Day". (Trailer)


#4.) "The Mighty Macs" (G)

Carla Gugino is a women's basketball coach at a school with no gym, no interest in sports, and barely enough players to field a team. She wants to teach the girls to play as aggressively as men . . . but first she has to convince the nuns running the joint. --It's set in 1971 and based on the true story of a Hall of Fame women's basketball coach named Cathy Rush. David Boreanaz plays her husband, and "Grindhouse" minx Marley Shelton is a young nun helping her coach the team. (Trailer)


The Movie River Phoenix Was Working On When He Died Is Finally Coming Out:

When RIVER PHOENIX died of a drug overdose on Halloween night, 1993, he was working on a movie called "Dark Blood". It ended up being shelved . . . but now, it's finally going to be finished and released. --Director GEORGE SLUIZER says he HID the footage after River died, because he was afraid it would be confiscated and destroyed. (--By whom, you ask? He didn't say.) --But Sluizer thinks he can finally finish it by re-cutting the footage and getting some new voiceover work from River's younger brother JOAQUIN PHOENIX. --He says, quote, "The voices of both brothers are very much alike." --In the movie, River plays a hermit living on a nuclear test site waiting for the end of the world. When he comes to the aid of a couple whose car breaks down in the desert, the three of them end up in a love triangle. (--River was on a break from filming when he died of an overdose of cocaine and heroin outside of the Viper Room in Los Angeles. He had also taken marijuana, Valium and a cold medicine.) (--JOHNNY DEPP was one of the owners of the club. River was only 23 years old, and already an Oscar and Golden Globe nominee for "Running On Empty".)


Whitney Houston Has Signed On to a Movie Called "Sparkle":

WHITNEY HOUSTON has joined the cast of a movie called "Sparkle". It stars JORDIN SPARKS one of three sisters who form a music group. It's a remake of a 1976 film of the same name. --The cast also includes DEREK LUKE, MIKE EPPS and CEE-LO GREEN.


Check Out a Trailer for a Vampire Comedy Written and Directed by an 18-Year-Old Girl:

What were you doing when you were 18 years old? EMILY HAGINS wrote and directed a MOVIE. And it looks pretty good. --It's called "My Sucky Teen Romance" . . . and it's a vampire comedy that takes place at a sci-fi convention called SpaceCon. --It'll supposedly be released sometime next spring. There's no word if it's going to hit theaters . . . but it actually looks like it could. (--Check out the trailer here. It's got a certain charm. It kind of cuts on "Twilight" without being a straight-up spoof.)
Arsenio Hall Is Going to Be on "Celebrity Apprentice"!

NBC has yet to officially announce the next cast of "Celebrity Apprentice", but apparently that's not necessary . . . because the cast was "outed" after they were spotted in New York City, doing some sort of sandwich-making task.

--So, here's the cast . . . according to RealityBlurred.com:

--Adam Carolla

--Former "American Idol" Clay Aiken

--Magician Penn Jillette

--Comedienne Lisa Lampanelli

--Former Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day

--"American Chopper" dad Paul Teutul, Sr.

--24-year-old racecar driver Marco Andretti. He's the grandson of Mario Andretti.

--Model Patricia Velásquez

--Former Miss Venezuela and Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza

--And now, for the "These Would've Been HUGE Additions Two Decades Ago" portion of the cast. (--This isn't an actual division, although that would be humorous.)

--"Wayne's World" minx Tia Carrere

--'80s pop superstar Debbie Gibson

--Twisted Sister singer Dee Snider

--George Takei . . . a.k.a. Sulu from "Star Trek"

--Former "Incredible Hulk" star Lou Ferrigno

--Model Cheryl Tiegs (--She's 64 years old now.)

--And easily the most important, EXCITING celebrity to EVER to do "Celebrity Apprentice": ARSENIO HALL. Seriously, can you believe it?!?


Is MTV Doing "The Real World: Occupy Wall Street"?

MTV's "The Real World" isn't exactly known for showcasing people who . . . well . . . THINK, and CARE about stuff. But apparently, they're looking to reverse their course for the show's upcoming 27th season. --Yesterday, an add popped up on Craigslist out of New York . . . asking for young Occupy Wall Street protesters who are interested in being on "The Real World". --The ad reads: Quote, "MTV's 'Real World' is seeking cast members to tell their unique stories on our show. If you are over the age of 20 and appear to be between the ages of 20 to 24, and the description below sounds like you, we want to hear from you! --"Are you a part of the OCCUPY WALL STREET movement? --"If so, please contact realworldcasting@bunim-murray.com. Your subject heading should be YOUR NAME and WALL STREET. --"Please attach 3 RECENT PHOTOS and a brief BIO . . . including your full NAME, DATE OF BIRTH (for ID purposes only), as well as your CONTACT INFORMATION including PHONE NUMBER." (--You can find the ad at NewYork.Craigslist.org.) --And activist or not, you can be sure that MTV is only looking for HOT people . . . there's no way they're going to stray from their bread and butter at this point. There ARE hot protesters. Case in point: HotChicksOfOccupyWallStreet.Tumblr.com. --Of course, this could be BOGUS . . . there's no official word from MTV or the producers. And if it IS real, it's unclear if it would be an entire cast of Occupy Wall Street protesters, or if they're just trying to plug one or two in for drama.
Conan O'Brien Is Developing a Sitcom . . . and It Sounds Pretty Cliché:

CONAN O'BRIEN is developing a sitcom for TBS called "Fat Chance", and the premise is simple . . . if not TOO simple. --It's about two friends . . . one obese, and one attractive . . . and the laughs begin when a "beautiful girl" enters their lives. That's it. Conan would serve as an executive producer. (--And that's all we have on it for now.) (--You can't really judge a show by its one-sentence synopsis, but as a card-carrying member of Team Coco, I have to admit . . . I'm pretty unimpressed. It just seems so cliché. To me, fat guy / hot guy comedy is well played out.)


Check Out the Trailer for Fox's Upcoming Show "Alcatraz":

The trailer for Fox's upcoming show "Alcatraz" debuted during the World Series last night . . . and if you missed it, you should really check it out. --It's a fictional thriller about 302 inmates who once went missing from Alcatraz, but who are now suddenly and mysteriously reappearing in the present day, without having aged. It stars SAM NEILL and JORGE GARCIA from "Lost". --You can find the two-and-a-half-minute preview and a full synopsis at Fox.com. There's no premiere date, but it'll be sometime this winter. (--It looks cool, and J.J. Abrams is an executive producer. He created "Alias" and co-created "Lost".)


Thursday TV Reminders: Check your local listings

--"World Series: Game 2" . . . 7:30 to 10:30 P.M. Eastern on Fox. The St Louis Cardinals host the Texas Rangers at Busch Stadium in Saint Louis.


--"Rules of Engagement" [6th Season Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.


--"Grey's Anatomy" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. Lee Majors and Marilu Henner guest star.


--"Sweet Home Alabama" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CMT. Southern bachelor Tribble Reese meets with 22 ladies looking for love. Jon Gosselin's ex Hailey Glassman is among them.


--"Miss Representation" . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on OWN. Jane Fonda, Katie Couric and Condoleezza Rice are interviewed for this documentary about sexism in American media and society.


--"Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team" [6th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CMT.


--"Jersey Shore" [4th Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on MTV.


--"Gabriel Iglesias Presents Stand-Up Revolution" . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Comedy Central. Dennis Gaxiola, Noe Gonzalez and Thea Vidale perform.


--"Gigolos" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Showtime.


--"Dave's Old Porn" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 11:30 P.M. to Midnight on Showtime. Comedian Dave Attell and some of his friends provide humorous commentary on classic adult films from the '70s and '80s.


Rihanna's Irish Farmer-Angering "We Found Love" Video Is Out:

RIHANNA has released her "We Found Love" video. It's up at RihannaNow.com. --This is the one that got her kicked off an Irish farm, when the 61-year-old owner saw her running topless through his field, and felt that it was "inappropriate." The scene is incredibly brief in the final cut. (--It happens at the 1:04 mark in the video.) --But that isn't the only interesting note about this video. --Rihanna has said that she wanted the video to emulate the feeling of taking a drug. And that came across . . . along with a seemingly obvious reference to her relationship with CHRIS BROWN. --Her boyfriend in the video . . . a British boxer named Dudley O'Shaughnessy . . . resembles Chris, as do his hot and cold interactions with Rihanna. It even includes an argument in a car, and some implied physical abuse. --And then there's the narration from an Irish woman at the beginning . . . who says, quote, "It's like you're screaming but no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could that be that important, that without them you feel like nothing. --"No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you. And when it's over and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so you could have the good."


Chris Martin Rides a Unicycle in an Elephant Costume in Coldplay's "Paradise" Video:

COLDPLAY has released its "Paradise" video . . . and it features singer CHRIS MARTIN, dressed as an elephant and riding a unicycle, among other things. --At the beginning, Chris the "elephant" is stuck in a London zoo . . . but he busts out, and makes his way to his "home" in Africa. There he gets a unicycle and rides through the countryside before meeting up with the rest of the band, who are also dressed as elephants. --It's entertaining. (--You can find the video on Coldplay's VEVO channel.)


Check Out an Amusing Video of Axl Rose Falling Down on Stage:

AXL ROSE slipped and fell during a GUNS N' ROSES performance in Mexico City on Tuesday night. The fall briefly interrupted "Knocking on Heaven's Door" . . . but Axl took a moment to collect himself and went on with the show. --Fortunately, there's video of this on YouTube. From the angle it's taken it appears that Axl fell off the side of the stage, but that isn't 100% clear. Regardless, he didn't fall far, and he was fine. (--Here's the direct link. He falls about 20 seconds in.)


Adam Levine Doesn't Want Fox News Playing His Music Anymore:

Fox News has done something to enrage MAROON 5 singer ADAM LEVINE . . . something other than the usual fair and balanced reporting. --Apparently, Fox News used one of Maroon 5's songs, because Adam sent out a Tweet yesterday . . . warning them not to do it again. He said, quote, "Dear Fox News, don't play our music on your evil [effing] channel ever again. Thank you." --He didn't elaborate . . . and Fox News hasn't commented. (--Adam's only other Tweet yesterday was this: Quote, "Names that sound alike: @KelseyGrammar and @ChelseaHandler.") (???)


Jon Bon Jovi Has Opened a Volunteer, "Pay What You Can" Restaurant:

JON BON JOVI has opened a charity, "pay what you can" restaurant in Red Bank, New Jersey. It's the JBJ Soul Kitchen, and it serves "healthy variations on classic soul food." It actually started in 2009, but now it has a permanent location.--Here's how it works: There won't be prices on the menus. Diners can pay a suggested donation . . . or earn free meals by doing volunteer work in the community. --By the way, Jon wants you to know that this ISN'T a cafeteria or soup kitchen. He says, quote, "It's the hottest-looking restaurant in this town. We have to get rid of a few stigmas attached to the word volunteering and making a difference."


Justin Bieber Is Being Used in a Campaign to Defeat a Copyright Law . . . Which Would've Seriously Impeded His Rise to Fame:

By now, everyone knows that JUSTIN BIEBER was discovered . . . by USHER and others . . . after posting videos of himself singing and performing on YouTube. --Well, now a "fair use" organization called Fight for the Future has launched a campaign called Free Bieber!, which is working to block a music copyright bill that would make "streaming or using copyrighted music in an online video punishable by up to five years in prison." --So they've created some images of Justin in prison . . . since supposedly, that's where he'd be under the spirit of this law, instead of touring the world and sucking face with SELENA GOMEZ. --The organization argues, quote, "Tell Congress to get a clue and stop trying to jail people for singing. Congress has no business making ordinary Internet users criminals for expressing themselves online." --The bill hasn't become a law yet. --You can see the images . . . find more information . . . and sign their petition at FreeBieber.org. And there's more at FreeBieber.Tumblr.com. (--It doesn't sound like Justin is a part of this movement . . . so I guess Fight for the Future considers using his name and likeness another example of "fair use.")


Evanescence Scored Their Second #1 Album:

The new self-titled album from EVANESCENCE topped the "Billboard" chart this week, with 127,000 copies. It's the band's second #1 album. "The Open Door" also debuted at #1 with 447,000 copies back in 2006.

--In all, five albums debuted in the Top 10 this week, including new ones from Five Finger Death Punch, "American Idol" runner-up Lauren Alaina, Ryan Adams, and Martina McBride.


1.) NEW: The self-titled album from Evanescence (127,000 copies)

2.) "21", Adele (111,000 copies)

3.) NEW: "American Capitalist", Five Finger Death Punch (91,000 copies)


THURSDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

Showbiz Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:


Because of the grossness we recently witnessed on LINDSAY LOHAN'S two front teeth, her dad MICHAEL thinks she's smoking either crack or meth. (Video)



MARISKA HARGITAY and her husband have adopted a baby boy. Six months ago, they adopted a baby girl. (Full Story)



BRYANT GUMBEL of HBO's "Real Sports" compared NBA Commissioner DAVID STERN to a, quote, "modern plantation overseer." (Video)



Some soldiers in Afghanistan received free copies of the BILL O'REILLY book "Pinheads and Patriots: Where You Stand in the Age of Obama". But since there's not much need for books in a combat area, they BURNED THEM. (Full Story)



MANDY MOORE has landed a sitcom on ABC called "Us and Them". It's a family comedy. (Full Story)



RONNIE and SAMMI from "Jersey Shore" have broken up. (Full Story)
RANDOM STUFF

An Iowa Couple in Their 90s Died an Hour Apart After 72 Years of Marriage . . . and They Were Still Holding Hands:

94-year-old Gordon Yeager and his 90-year-old wife Norma were in a fatal car accident last Wednesday, when Gordon accidentally pulled in front of an oncoming car about an hour northeast of Des Moines, Iowa. --Both Gordon and Norma survived the initial accident, but both died later that afternoon. And they passed away EXACTLY ONE HOUR APART . . . right next to each other in the Intensive Care Unit . . . while they were still holding hands. --Gordon passed away first, at 3:38 P.M. And here's where it gets WEIRD: According to his son Dennis, after Gordon stopped breathing, his heart monitor KEPT GOING. --The nurse checked it, and said it was because Gordon and Norma were still holding hands . . . HER heart was still beating . . . and the monitor was picking it up. --Norma passed away exactly one hour after Gordon, at 4:38 P.M. --Gordon and Norma got married on May 26th, 1939, the day Norma graduated from high school. They were married for 72 YEARS, and had four kids together. --And at their funeral on Monday, they held hands IN THEIR CASKET. We're not sure how that worked. They'll be cremated, and their ashes will be mixed together. (KCCI)


Police in Ohio Killed 48 Escaped Exotic Animals . . . Six Were Rescued . . . and the Monkey with Herpes was Eaten by a Tiger?

Everyone's talking about the MASS BREAKOUT of exotic animals in Ohio. Here's what happened . . . --There's a town in eastern Ohio appropriately named Zanesville, about an hour east of Columbus. 62-year-old Terry Thompson ran a shady 73-acre exotic animal farm there, including lions, tigers, cheetahs, giraffes, and camels. And on Tuesday, he LOST IT. --He set 56 of his animals free, and then killed himself with a gunshot. So yeah, he committed suicide, and that's tragic and unfortunate. But check out how this selfish jerk's idiocy affected his ANIMALS once they escaped . . . --Some of the animals were hanging out along an Interstate, and a wolf was killed by a passing car. Four people called 911, and word got out that exotic animals were roaming around. So schools were closed, and people were asked to stay indoors. --Zanesville Sheriff Matt Lutz decided that since his deputies didn't have tranquilizers, they had to SHOOT the animals, because they posed a threat to the community. --So the deputies shot and killed 48 animals on Tuesday night and yesterday afternoon: Two wolves, six black bears, nine male lions, eight lionesses, one baboon, three mountain lions, and 18 endangered Bengal tigers. EIGHTEEN!!!! --Jack Hanna is the director of the Columbus Zoo, and he drove in overnight to try and save some of the animals. But he didn't get there in time. Still, he agrees with Sheriff Lutz, and says the killings were 100% necessary. --Quote: "It's a tragedy for the animal world. It could've been a bigger tragedy for the human world, that's what we tried to avoid here last night." --There was also an escaped snow monkey that might have been infected with HERPES B. There were orders to shoot and kill it on sight, because of the disease, but it was eaten by one of escaped big cats. (--Could this story get any weirder?) --Luckily, six of Thompson's animals were rescued, and are being transported to the Columbus Zoo: A grizzly bear, three leopards, and two monkeys. He also had orangutans and chimpanzees on his farm, but he'd left them in their cages. --Sheriff Lutz says he'd received a bunch of complaints about the farm in the last seven years. It wasn't open to the public, and Thompson had been charged with animal cruelty, neglect, and just served a year in Federal prison for having unregistered guns. --The dead animals are being buried on Thompson's farm at the request of his wife, Marian. --Obviously PETA has already weighed in, quote: "Keeping exotic animals is inhumane and unsafe for both animals and people, and it's high time that Ohio did something about it." Supposedly Ohio has weak laws when it comes to exotic pets. (10tv / CBS)


The Occupy Wall Street Movement Talks About the "99%" and the "1%" . . . Here's How to Find Out Your Percent:

The whole mantra of the Occupy Wall Street movement is that 99% of the people in this country are fed up with the greed, entitlement, and corruption of the wealthiest 1%. --And now, you can actually figure out what "percent" you are. The "Wall Street Journal" put together a simple tool where you enter your household income and it shows you where you rank in the U.S. --For example, a $50,000-a-year income puts you at 56% . . . meaning you're making more than almost three-fifths of the country. In Occupy Wall Street terms, that DEFINITELY makes you part of the 99%. --To qualify as one of the richest 1% in the country, you need an annual household income above $506,000. --To qualify as one of the POOREST 1% in the country, you need to make less than $2,500-a-year. (Wall Street Journal) (--Find out your percentage here. For a URL that is easy to say on-air, we set up a shortcut at http://tinyurl.com/yourpercent.) (--Also, keep in mind, the calculator only ranks you by income, not total wealth. You can find your percentage based on total wealth at blogs.wsj.com/wealth. It's on the right-hand side of the page.)

This Year's Neiman Marcus Christmas Catalog Includes Million-Dollar Dancing Fountains, a $45,000 Ping-Pong Table, and a $75,000 Tent:

Every year, Neiman Marcus puts out a Christmas catalog that includes some ridiculously expensive gifts, and this year's edition came out yesterday. A bit risky in this climate, I'd say. Hopefully no one's going to go Occupy Neiman Marcus. --Here are some of the most extravagant luxury presents they're offering up this Christmas . . .


--Dancing fountains. You know those fountains outside places like the Bellagio in Vegas that shoot water choreographed to music? For $1,000,000 you can have one installed in your backyard.


--International flower show tour. You and nine friends get flown on a private jet to flower shows all over Europe. It includes luxury hotels, gourmet meals, and it'll run you $420,000.


--Luxury yurt. It's a tent in your backyard that's designed to look like it's for an Arabian king. Plush couches, chandelier, all that. It starts at $75,000.


--Private Johnnie Walker Scotch tasting. For just $5,000, you can host 20 people at your house and try all the different Johnnie Walker labels. And everyone leaves with a $170 bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue. (--A $170 bottle of Scotch for 20 people would cost $3,400. This actually might be a good deal?!?)


--Designer ping-pong table made of black rubber. This will set you back $45,000.


--For what it's worth, in all of the item descriptions they make a HEAVY-HANDED POINT of mentioning how a portion of the purchase goes to charity. (Neiman Marcus) (--Check out the fantasy gifts catalog here.)


19% of Married People Don't Know How Much Money Their Spouse Makes:

I can't believe this many people are keeping their money a secret from their husband or wife. How do you all get away with this? HOW?
-In a new survey, 19% of married people, or just about ONE in FIVE, say they either don't know how much their spouse makes . . . or don't tell their spouse how much money they make themselves. --20% of people surveyed said they didn't know anything about how much their spouse made until they started trying to buy a house together. And 14% say they didn't know until they had a CHILD together. --The main reason people give for keeping their income quiet is that it could cause imbalances in the relationship. (Truthdive)


Half of People Check Work Emails on Vacation . . . and for 39% of Them, That's the Only Way They Can Relax:

When you're on vacation, how do you want to relax? Lay out on the beach all day? Get a massage? Have sexual relations with an exotic local? Whatever you choose . . . ALL of those are better than this. --In a new survey by TripAdvisor, 48% of people say they check work email on vacation. And for 39% of those people, they say they do it because the only way they can TRULY relax is to know what's going on at the office. Ouch. --The survey also found that 57% of people check email so they'll have less work piled up when they get back . . . 23% do it because they LOVE their job and want to stay in touch . . . and 19% do it because they can't switch off from work mode. (GoTimeshare)


People Don't Wait Three Days to Get in Touch with Someone Anymore . . . the Average is a Day and a Half:

There used to be an unwritten rule in dating where if you met someone and got their number, you waited three days to call. Well, that rule is dead. And so is actually calling people, most of the time. --According to a survey by Match.com, now people wait an average of one-and-a-half days to get in touch after getting someone's number. So if you meet someone on Saturday night, expect to hear from them by Monday afternoon. --And don't necessarily expect a call. You're more likely to get a text, an email, or a friend request on Facebook. --The survey also found that people are more persistent . . . if you don't respond to their first contact, they'll send an average of three text messages before they give up and take the hint. --After a date, women are far more likely than men to sit around waiting for the other person to contact them. 22% of women say they'll NEVER be the one who re-establishes contact after a date . . . while 5% of men say they won't contact the woman first. (New Zealand Herald)


It's Now Been Scientifically Proven That Men are Funnier Than Women . . . But Not by a Huge Margin:

I'm pretty sure there's not a guy on the planet who thinks women are funnier than men. I'm not even sure how many women believe that, deep down, they're the funnier gender. --And now, there's scientific proof to back that up. Although, in the interest of peace between the sexes . . . it's not a slam dunk. --A psychology study at the University of California, San Diego had people rate the funniness of different cartoon captions. Some were written by men, some by women. The people in the study didn't know the gender of the caption writers. --And the researchers found that 90% of the people in the study rated captions by men as funnier. BUT . . . it wasn't by a huge margin. --On a scale of one to five, men's captions averaged out to be just 0.11 points funnier than women's. In other words, men were JUST SLIGHTLY funnier than women. --The study also asked people to rate their OWN funniness on a scale of one to five . . . and men had much higher hopes for themselves than women. The average man gave himself a 2.3 . . . the average woman gave herself a 1.5 (UCSD News)


The Age When People Start to Hate Looking in the Mirror is . . . 45:

If you're under 45 years old, take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Not because we want you to think about your life and where it's going or anything. Just because we want you to squeeze in some good mirror sessions while you still enjoy them. --According to a new survey out of England, age 45 is the turning point when people STOP wanting to look at themselves in the mirror. The survey found THAT'S when people look in the mirror and can't avoid thinking about how they've AGED.

--In the survey, 51% of people 18 to 24 say they look in the mirror at least 10 times a day.

--From ages 25 to 34, that drops to 44% of people.

--From ages 35 to 44, that drops to 33% of people.

--And after age 45, only 9.4% of people look in the mirror that often. More than a quarter of people over 45 take it even further and say they try to NEVER look in the mirror. --The survey also found that women are almost three times more likely to be concerned with aging than men. 32% of young women surveyed said they're DREADING getting older versus 12% of young men. (Daily Mail)


Quick Reminder . . . the World is Still Scheduled to End Tomorrow:

HAROLD CAMPING is that evangelist who thought the world was ending on May 21st. When it didn't happen, he said the apocalypse actually HAD started, and would finish on October 21st. Which is tomorrow. --So we just wanted to remind you to be ready for the Rapture tomorrow. Make sure you have plenty of water and canned food. Also, repent. Repent, repent, repent. And drink the rest of that milk in your fridge. We don't want it to go bad. (MSNBC)


MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Teenager Called 911 on His Mom While She Drove Him Home Drunk After a Blue Oyster Cult Concert:

On Saturday, 41-year-old Patricia Siciliano of Edgewater, Florida and her family went to see a BLUE OYSTER CULT concert in Ormond Beach, Florida. Patricia got DRUNK . . . but still got behind the wheel to drive her family home. --And her driving got SO reckless that her 17-year-old son started fearing for his LIFE. (--So I guess you could say he DID fear the reaper. Hi-Yo!) --He did the only thing he could think of . . . and called 911 on his mom WHILE he was in the car. --He told the dispatcher his mom was drunk, that she was driving recklessly and going over 110 miles-per-hour. When his dad tried to take the wheel, his mom started PUNCHING HIS DAD IN THE FACE. --And when she heard her son calling 911, she attacked him too. He ended up telling the police, quote, "She's not a very smart alcoholic, at all. --That turned out to be true. When the cops got there, Patricia wrestled with them and spat on them. --She was arrested and charged with domestic battery, child abuse without great harm, resisting arrest without violence, and three counts of battery on a law enforcement officer. (Daytona Beach News-Journal)


Remember the JetBlue Flight Attendant Who Flipped Out Last Year? He was Sentenced Yesterday:

Remember Steven Slater? He was the JetBlue flight attendant who got a ton of media attention last summer when he . . .

--Cursed out a rude passenger who hit him on the head with an overhead bin door.

--Grabbed two beers.

--Pulled the plane's emergency chute and slid down onto the runway at JFK Airport in New York.

--Fled back to his house.

--And was busted by the cops in the middle of having DELICIOUS MAN-ON-MAN RELATIONS with his partner.

--Anyway, he became a folk hero . . . but JetBlue let him go, and he was charged with criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, and criminal trespass. --Well he was FINALLY in court yesterday. He could've gotten up to seven years in prison . . . but he was just found guilty of misdemeanor attempted criminal mischief, and got one year of probation and a $10,000 fine. --Steven told reporters his new plan is to write a book about his 20 years of being a flight attendant and the incident last August. He said he wouldn't consider going back to JetBlue, quote, "until hell freezes over." (New York Post)


RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

Random News Extras . . . Random Links to Additional Stories:


Washington D.C. is now the city with highest average income, ahead of San Jose, California . . . a.k.a., Silicon Valley. (Full Story)


It's becoming increasingly popular to name cats after . . . food? Think 'Sushi', 'Pringle', and 'Cabbage.' (Full Story)


Either the economy's back . . . or we're just drowning our sorrows: 23% of people are going to bars and clubs more than last year. (Full Story)


NAZZY’S VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) Check Out the Sound Effects Guy from "Police Academy" Doing Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love":

Remember the guy in "Police Academy" who did all the crazy sound effects with his voice? Well, his name is MICHAEL WINSLOW and he's still around. And he's still AWESOME. --He was on a talk show in Norway the other day, and did a pretty amazing version of "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin. A guy on acoustic guitar played along. But Winslow did all the singing . . . and it was spot on. --But that wasn't even the best part. He also added the distortion, and did a crazy guitar solo. (--Search for "Michael Winslow Whole Lotta Love." He starts the solo at 1:26.)


#2.) Michael J. Fox and Corey Feldman Both Did McDonald's Ads Before They Hit It Big:

McDonald's is adding big screen TVs at 800 restaurants in California. So "The Huffington Post" tracked down a bunch of old McDonald's ads that starred celebrities before they were famous. --The video list has ads with Megan Mullally in 1983, Michael J. Fox in 1980, Corey Feldman in 1977, and Willard Scott as a CREEPY Ronald McDonald in a commercial from 1963. (--If you don't know, Scott was the ORIGINAL Ronald McDonald.) (--Search for "Huffington Post Celebrities in McDonald's Commercials.")

#3.) A Blue Whale Surfaced Right Next to a Kayaker Off the Coast of Southern California . . . So He Jumped in and Filmed it Underwater:

What would you do if you were kayaking in the open ocean, and a huge whale surfaced right next to you? JUMP IN and film it underwater, right? That's what happened to a kayaker off the coast near Los Angeles, and that's what he decided to do. --Obviously, blue whales don't attack like sharks do. But it's the largest animal on Earth, so they're still dangerous to be around. Luckily, the kayaker didn't get hurt. And he got some great video. (--Search for "Kayaking with Redondo Beach Blue Whales." He jumps in the water at 1:09 and 2:11. It comes towards him at 2:15 and goes right by him.)


The Top Seven Bachelor Pad Decorating Mistakes:

If you're a single, and you're hoping to bring someone home this weekend, Yahoo has a list of the top bachelor pad decorating mistakes. --Obviously, women make these mistakes too. But they're a lot more common with single men. Here are the top seven.

#1.) Using Bed Sheets, Flags, or Towels as Window Curtains. You can get away with it in college. But after that, it's time to spend money on some actual drapes.


#2.) Bad Lighting. A lot of guys don't care if their apartment is dark . . . because all they do is watch movies and play video games. But if you only have one overhead light, invest in a few lamps. --Even if you buy cheap ones on Craigslist, it'll make your apartment look better.


#3.) Not Buying a Dinner Table. Even if you always eat in front of the TV, there should also be somewhere two people can sit down and eat an actual meal. --That means a table . . . other than your coffee table. And somewhere to sit . . . other than your couch.
: (. . . continued . . .)


#4.) Bright Colors That Clash. For some reason, guys like painting their walls bright colors, like neon green or sky blue. But you're better off sticking with neutral tones, like eggshell or LIGHT blue. --If you have no idea what you're doing, the Sherwin-Williams website has a "Color Visualizer" program that can help.


#5.) Too Much Sports Paraphernalia. One or two things with your favorite team on it is okay. But your apartment shouldn't be FILLED with sports stuff. It makes you look one-dimensional.


#6.) Exposed Wires Everywhere. Guys tend to have more gadgets than women do . . . or at least it LOOKS that way, because they don't hide the wires. --At the very least, untangle all the cables near your TV, and shove them behind the TV stand.


#7.) Using Patio Furniture Indoors. It's cheaper . . . but it also LOOKS cheaper. And even if it's nice, it's usually pretty obvious it belongs outside. (Yahoo)