Friday, March 4, 2011

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (03-04-11)

SHEEN-ANIGANS

Charlie Sheen Claimed He Had a Custody Deal Worked Out with Brooke Mueller . . . But That Might Not Be the Case: Yesterday, CHARLIE SHEEN Tweeted that he had worked out a custody deal with BROOKE MUELLER. --He said, quote, "not sure what all the legal noise is about ... just verbally reached a deal with B. no court monday. yay." --He added, quote, "Yet the opposition felt it necessary to still harass me with old gibberish .... odd? perhaps. transparent? you betcha'!" --But shortly after those Tweets were posted, TMZ reported that the deal was OFF . . . because Charlie went on a Philadelphia radio station and started talking about it. --Supposedly, one of the terms of the deal was that Charlie NOT talk to the media about it. --The reason Charlie called the station in the first place was because their morning show paid a pilot to fly a banner over Charlie's house, offering him a job. --And he revealed to the station that some cops had been at his house. He wasn't really clear about why they were there. --He said, quote, "Everything was fine until everyone started calling me saying 'the cops are coming to arrest you', and I'm like 'but it's not even three o'clock.' --"We reached a deal. I can't say what it is obviously. But there's no court Monday." --Then he said, quote, "There's some leftover something that they decided was important enough to bring to my attention with cops as delivery people." --He added, quote, "I'm talking about opposing counsel sending some type of letter or notice in the friendly delivery system of our city's finest. It's alright, it's fine, whatever it is, it's fine. I'm not worried. They can't really ruffle this assassin's feathers." (--For the record, there are other sources saying that Brooke NEVER agreed to the deal.) (--You can listen to the interview here.)


Charlie Sheen Broke a Twitter Record:

Talk about WINNING: CHARLIE SHEEN has broken the Guinness World Record for snagging one million Twitter followers in the shortest amount of time: 25 hours and 17 minutes. --Now that Charlie is on Twitter, we can probably expect him to start racking up endorsements. Especially with his future employment and employability in question. --As you may have noticed, the first picture Charlie posted on Twitter was of him holding a bottle of chocolate milk. He was NOT paid for that one. --But Ray Broguiere . . . the owner of the California dairy farm it came from . . . says he's been getting TONS of phone calls since that picture was posted. And he says, quote, "I'd be happy to give him free chocolate milk whenever he stops by the farm."


Are News Organizations Working on Charlie Sheen's Obituary?

We all know that when celebrities appear close to death, media outlets try to get a jump on the Reaper by working up their obituaries. So it's probably not much of a surprise that people are writing CHARLIE SHEEN'S obit, just to be ready. --Even at Charlie's own network CBS. (--Or is that his FORMER network?) --A source over there says, quote, "No one is wishing the worst but as a news organization for us not to be prepared for one of the biggest stories in a long time would be unprofessional."


Charlie Sheen Wants to Meet with CBS President Les Moonves:

CHARLIE SHEEN has put the crazy in his back pocket and started acting a lot more rational over the past few days. And that includes taking real steps to get back to work on "Two and a Half Men". --According to "Access Hollywood", Charlie has made contact with CBS President LES MOONVES . . . and he's hoping to set up a meeting for tomorrow. --Meanwhile, Charlie has extended an olive branch to JOHN STAMOS . . . who is SUPPOSEDLY being considered as a possible replacement for Charlie on the show. --When that rumor started circulating, Charlie was a little dismissive and snarky about it. But now he says, quote, "I was out of line and you are a beautiful man and a talented man. And if you get the gig, we should talk."


Charlie Sheen Once Wrote a Book of Poetry:

Here's something I'm sure you didn't know about CHARLIE SHEEN: In 1990, he self-published a book of his own poetry. It was called "A Peace of My Mind", and it included illustrations by director ADAM RIFKIN. (--You can see a picture of the cover and read some of Charlie's poems here.) --About the most famous thing Rifkin directed was "Detroit Rock City" in 1999. And he wrote or co-wrote "Small Soldiers", the "Underdog" movie and "Knucklehead" . . . a movie that came out last year starring the pro rassler BIG SHOW. --Back in 1989, he directed a movie called "Tale of Two Sisters" . . . which included Charlie reading his fantastic poetry in voiceover. (--You can watch the trailer . . . which includes some of Charlie's fine verse . . . here.)
Random Sheen-Anigans:

#1.) Just when you thought there weren't any new ways to have fun with CHARLIE SHEEN'S crazy-ass quotes, it's time to play everybody's favorite new game show . . . "Sheen, Beck or Gaddafi?" (--Here's the link.)

#2.) If you missed Wednesday's "Jimmy Fallon", then you missed Jimmy's awesome impression of Charlie . . . in an ad for his new cologne, Winning. (--Check it out here.)

#3.) Charlie Sheen's goddesses do NOT compete for his love or his Adonis DNA. Goddess Rachel Oberlin says, quote, "We connect with Charlie in different ways, so there's nothing really there to compete for. We're all pieces of a puzzle that fit together." (Full Story)

#4.) If some of Charlie's terminology still confuses you, the "L.A. Times" has put together a mini Charlie Sheen Dictionary to explain some of the colorful words and phrases he's so fond of. (Full Story)

#5.) Nobody's really mentioning it much, but Charlie has a 26-year-old daughter named Cassandra. X-17 Online caught up with her yesterday, but she didn't want to talk. They got some pictures of her, though. (Photos)



Holly Madison is Getting her Playboy Bunny Tramp Stamp Removed:

Yesterday, we saw a picture of HOLLY MADISON from "Life & Style" . . . which she allowed the magazine to print without making any improvements to it. --One thing we didn't notice at the time was that Holly's Playboy Bunny tramp stamp tattoo is almost gone. Turns out she's been having it removed for a while now. --She says, quote, "I started getting laser treatments in 2009 to remove it. It's a walking ad for Playboy . . . and I joke that they've stopped paying for the ad space! --"I still need six more treatments, but I don't know if I'll ever get around to them because it's so easily covered with makeup." (--Here's that picture again, along with a blown-up view of the tattoo.)


Possible Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee Slams Natalie Portman for Being Pregnant Out of Wedlock:

You can tell a presidential campaign season is ramping up when potential candidates start trying to mobilize people around silly issues that really have no bearing on their lives or the real problems they face. --Enter MIKE HUCKABEE . . . the former governor of Arkansas and current host of his own Fox News show. He's on the short list of possible Republican presidential candidates, and he's starting a beef with . . . NATALIE PORTMAN. --Why? Because she's PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK. --He says, quote, "People see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, 'Hey look, you know . . . we're not married but we're having these children and they're doing just fine.' --"I think it gives a distorted image. It's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of-wedlock children." -Huckabee says it's a "distorted image" because most single mothers don't have the resources of a Hollywood starlet. --He says, quote, "Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can't get a job, and if it weren't for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. --"And that's the story that we're not seeing. And that's the story that we're not seeing, and it's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of-wedlock children."


Paula Abdul Called 911 On Valentine's Day . . . Because Her Boyfriend Wouldn't Let Her Out of His Car:

How was your Valentine's Day? It would have to have been pretty bad in order to be worse than PAULA ABDUL'S. --Paula was in her boyfriend's car, and they got into a heated argument. Paula decided that she wanted him to pull over and let her out, but he refused. --So Paula called 911 . . . and she was pretty HYSTERICAL. --She told the operator, quote, "I want out of this car and he won't let me!" Then she told her boyfriend, quote, "Are you gonna drop me off, 'cuz I have emergency on the phone." --After a little screaming and hyperventilating, Paula told the operator, quote, "He's dropping me off." --Police got in touch with Paula a little later, and she told them everything was fine. --Her rep issued the following statement . . . quote, "Arguments with loved ones are often times heated. After the call was made everything was worked out." (--There's no word who Paula's boyfriend is. You can listen to the call here.)


Bobbi Kristina Brown Says She Was Not Snorting Coke:

BOBBI KRISTINA BROWN is denying that she was snorting coke in those pictures the "National Enquirer" printed. In fact, she's blaming a bitter ex-boyfriend for SETTING HER UP. --She posted several messages on Twitter pleading her case. She said, quote, "A former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes . . . But it's really not what it looks like. --"People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I'm very hurt by this. Things people do these days to hurt others is a shame. --"The person that did this was a result of a horrible relationship that went sour. I was in love, he was in love with money. I've learned my lesson." --Bobbi also gave props to her mom, WHITNEY HOUSTON, for helping her get through it . . . quote, "I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I'm so thankful for her. --"Thank you so much lord for blessing me with [a] phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past." (--Here's a close-up of one of the alleged pics of Bobbi Kristina snorting. If that's really her in the picture, I'm having a little trouble understanding how someone tricked her into that position.)


Check Out Donald Trump's Hair Blowing in the Wind:

Two things that do NOT work well together are DONALD TRUMP'S hair and the wind. But they met up the other day in New York City, as Donald stopped to sign some autographs. The results weren't all that pretty. (--Check out some pics here.)


NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND

Matt Damon's Up Against an Animated Johnny Depp Western, and a New Version of Beauty and the Beast:

#1.) "The Adjustment Bureau" (PG-13)

Matt Damon learns that fate is controlled by menacing "agents" in fedoras, who guide events to keep everyone on some sort of master plan. But when they try to keep him apart from Emily Blunt, he risks both their futures to stay together. (Trailer) --Some people are comparing it to "Inception", but it's based on a short story by Philip K. Dick, the guy whose stories inspired "Total Recall", "Minority Report" and "Blade Runner".

#2.) "Rango" (PG)

An animated western with Johnny Depp as a chameleon who gets suckered into becoming the sheriff of a small town. Some of the other voices include Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, and Ned Beatty. (Trailer)

#3.) "Beastly" (PG-13)

Alex Pettyfer from "I Am Number Four" stars in a modern version of "Beauty and the Beast". But instead of being transformed into a hairy monster, he's curse to be bald, tattooed, and mutilated . . . like classmates he bullied when he was handsome. Mary-Kate Olsen is the witch who curses him, Neil Patrick Harris is his blind tutor, and Vanessa Hudgens plays the girl who falls in love with him despite his looks. (Trailer)

#4.) "Take Me Home Tonight" (R)

Topher Grace lies about his job to impress his old high school crush. So she invites him to an end-of-summer party where he has to work even harder to impress her. Anna Faris plays his sister, and his crush is "I Am Number Four's" Teresa Palmer. (Trailer) --The movie is set in the '80s, so the soundtrack is loaded with classic tunes from Duran Duran, Men Without Hats, Wang Chung, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Yaz, Opus, and The Buggles.


"Star Wars - Episode 1: The Phantom Menace" Hits Theaters in 3D Next February:

Here's the good news: The first "Star Wars" flick to hit theaters in 3D is doing so in less than a year. The official release date is February 10th, 2012. --Here's the bad news: They're doing the movies in chronological story order . . . which means that the NEW trilogy comes first. And the movie that opens next February is "Episode 1: The Phantom Menace". --The plan right now is to make the 3D releases an ANNUAL event. If that's the case, then the original trilogy . . . the one most fans REALLY care about . . . won't even start until 2015.


"Twilight" Director Catherine Hardwicke Made Robert Pattinson Stay Away from Kristen Stewart Until She Turned 18:

Catherine Hardwicke . . . who directed the original "Twilight" . . . says ROBERT PATTINSON and KRISTEN STEWART hit it off immediately while auditioning for the movie at Catherine's house. --But since Kristen was only 17 at the time, she had to tell Robert to LAY OFF. At least temporarily. --It was actually Robert's audition. Kristen had already been cast. The audition included a kiss . . . which took place on Catherine's bed. --She says, quote, "[Kristen] felt connected to him from the first moment. That electricity, or love at first sight, or whatever it is. She was like, 'It's got to be Rob!'" --Robert was 21 at the time . . . and Catherine was a little worried about their amazing chemistry. --She told Robert, quote, "You've got to realize that Kristen is 17 years old. She's underage. You've got to focus, dude, or you're going to be arrested." She adds, quote, "I made him swear on a stack of Bibles." (--Kristin is 20 now . . . and Robert is 24. But not for much longer. Her birthday is in April, and his is in May.)


Simon Cowell Says Paula Abdul and Mariah Carey Are on His "X Factor" Shortlist:

Nothing's more fun than speculating about SIMON COWELL'S "X Factor" judge search . . . less than a year after the MONTHS-long "Simon Successor Search" on "American Idol" last summer. --With all the talk about these things in the entertainment media, I'm surprised that we haven't yet seen a reality competition show in which the judges are selected for another reality competition show. This is where we're headed, America. --Regardless, here's the latest on "X Factor" . . . --Simon has confirmed that PAULA ABDUL and MARIAH CAREY are on his shortlist to join him on the judging panel. Other names on his list include NICOLE SCHERZINGER from the PUSSYCAT DOLLS and GEORGE MICHAEL. (--It's unclear if there's a "trainwreck" position that both George and Paula are vying for . . . or if it's possible that both could be hired. OR . . . maybe they could both be hired for the same seat in a sort of understudy situation . . .) (--Before each show, the producers could identify which one is the LEAST mentally competent to be put on TV . . . and then, naturally, put them on TV.) --Here's what Simon had to say about Paula: Quote, "I've spoken to Paula . . . we've taken it down to a smaller group of [candidates] and she is in that group. But you know, it's more than me who makes the decision." (--Earlier this week, a "show insider" said JESSICA SIMPSON was one of the "frontrunners" to get a judging spot on "X Factor".) (--It still seems like it'll be several weeks before the "X Factor" judges are announced, but it sure seems like Simon is trying to sign some big names to trump "American Idol's" new judges, STEVEN TYLER and JENNIFER LOPEZ.)


Simon Cowell Took a Little Shot at Steven Tyler on "The Tonight Show":

For those of you who have given up on "The Tonight Show" . . . which is understandable . . . SIMON COWELL was on Wednesday night . . . and he took a little shot at STEVEN TYLER. --He said his 86-year-old mother still watches "American Idol" . . . and she recently told him, quote, "Tell Jennifer, the new girl, I like her. Give my love to Randy. And, true story, tell Paula she looks a bit tired." (--Here's video. It starts 30 seconds in.)


This Year's "American Idol" Finalists:

Last night, "American Idol" cut the Top 24 down to 13 finalists . . . 10 that were chosen by America, plus three "wild cards" that were chosen by the judges. (--They gave six contestants the chance to "sing for their lives" . . . and picked three.)

--Here's the list:

--Lauren Alaina

--Casey Abrams

--Paul McDonald

--Pia Toscano

--Scotty McCreery

--Jacob Lusk

--Karen Rodriguez

--James Durbin

--Thia Megia

--Haley Reinhart

--The judges' additions were: Ashton Jones, Stefano Langone and Naima Adedapo. (--The other three who were offered the chance to "sing for their lives" and lost were: Kendra Chantelle, Jovany Barreto and Robbie Rosen.)


A David Cook Cover of an '80s Song Will Be This Year's "American Idol" Farewell Song:

Back in 2005, "American Idol" pretty much made DANIEL POWTER a star by playing his insufferable song "Bad Day" every time a contestant got kicked off the show. -This season, they're going to give former winner DAVID COOK that boost . . . by using his new cover of the '80s classic "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by SIMPLE MINDS. --The original is probably best known as the theme from the movie "The Breakfast Club". (--Listen to David's version, here . . . and Simple Minds' original version, here.) -The song will make its debut on "Idol" next week, and will be available on iTunes beginning next Tuesday. (--You can also get it for FREE if you pre-order David's new album at DavidCookOfficial.com.)


Elizabeth Hurley Has Joined "Wonder Woman" . . . and Her Scenes May Feature Lesbian Undertones!

ELIZABETH HURLEY says she will play, quote, "the evil villain" in NBC's upcoming "Wonder Woman" show. --Not all the details have been released, but according to the original casting call, the villain will be Veronica Cale, and she'll be BI-CURIOUS! --Here's the early description of the character: "Female, open ethnicity, late 30s to early 40s . . . --"Beautiful, highly-educated, highly accomplished, she runs one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in the country . . . but she's afflicted with the serious deep-seated Wonder Woman envy. --"Whatever she is, or will be in life . . . she'll never be her. And it causes her innards to rot. She loves men, but likes women. There might be an unstated chemistry between her and Wonder Woman, at least on her side."


Friday TV Reminders:

--"The Defenders" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Kathy Griffin plays an insult comic being sued for making fun of an overweight audience member.)

--"Who Do You Think You Are?" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Lionel Richie researches his maternal grandmother's family lineage.)

--"42nd NAACP Image Awards" . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--Hosted by Wayne Brady and Holly Robinson Peete.) (--Here are this year's nominees.)

--"Fish Hooks" . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Disney Channel. (--"Star Trek's" George Takei lends his voice talents as a sensei bird who teaches teen fish Milo how to fly.)

--"Primetime: What Would You Do?" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Scenarios include disapproval of an interracial adoption.)

--"Beast Hunter" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on National Geographic. (--A wildlife scientist named Pat Spain explores remote parts of the world in the hopes of spotting mythical and undocumented creatures.)

--"20/20" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Carmina Salcido discusses the night her father massacred their family, slashed her throat and left her for dead.)

--"Comedy Central Presents: Mike Vecchione" . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Comedy Central. (--Comedian Mike Vecchione performs.)

--"Comedy Central Presents: Jessi Klein" . . . 11:30 P.M. to Midnight on Comedy Central. (--Comedienne Jessi Klein performs.)

--"VH1 Unplugged" . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on VH1. (--Adele performs.)

Saturday TV Reminders:

--"Caroline Rhea & Friends" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Showtime. (--Caroline Rhea presents up-and-coming stand-up comedians Costaki Economopoulos, Ryan Hamilton, Page Hurwitz and Liam McEneaney.)

--"Saturday Night Live" . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. (--Miley Cyrus guest hosts and The Strokes is the musical guest.)

Sunday TV Reminders:

--"America's Next Great Restaurant" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. (--Culinary investors Bobby Flay, Curtis Stone, Steve Ells and Lorena Garcia have 21 aspiring restaurateurs pitch their concepts and prepare an item from their menus in this competition to win a restaurant chain.)

--"Basketball Wives" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on VH1.

--"The Family Crews" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on BET.

--"Ruby" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Style.

--"Secret Millionaire" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC. (--Marketing expert Dani Johnson performs minimum-wage level work in Knoxville, Tennessee to find a deserving recipient worthy of her aid.)

--"Undercover Boss" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS. (--Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory goes undercover as a municipal employee and sanitation worker.)

--"Celebrity Apprentice" [11th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. (--This season's men are Meat Loaf, Lil Jon, Mark McGrath, David Cassidy, Gary Busey, Jose Canseco, Richard Hatch and country singer John Rich.) (--And the women are La Toya Jackson, Dionne Warwick, Star Jones, Lisa Rinna, Marlee Matlin, "Real Housewives of Atlanta" star Nene Leakes, model Niki Taylor, and Playmate Hope Dworaczyk.)

--"Army Wives" [5th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Lifetime.

--"Love & Hip Hop" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on VH1. (--A reality series about the lives of five women involved in the hip-hop industry.)

--"The Real Housewives of Orange County" [6th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo. (--Brazilian lesbian fitness instructor Fernanda Rocha joins the cast.) (--Check out five pictures of her amazing bikini body here.)

--"Breakout Kings" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E. (--Two U.S. marshals work together with three cons to catch escaped prisoners.)

--"Taking On Tyson" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Animal Planet. (--Mike Tyson shares his passion for pigeon racing.)

--"After Lately" [SERIES Premiere] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on E! (--A look behind the scenes of "Chelsea Lately" with the show's staff.)
Mariah Carey Is "Embarrassed" She Accepted Money from Gaddafi, but She's Not Making a Token Donation to Charity to Clear Her Conscience:

MARIAH CAREY has joined NELLY FURTADO and BEYONCÉ in apologizing for accepting $1 million to perform for the family of Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi. --Mariah said, quote, "I was naive, and unaware of who I was booked to perform for. I feel horrible and embarrassed to have participated in this mess." --"Going forward, this is a lesson for all artists to learn from. We need to be more aware and take more responsibility regardless of who book our shows. Ultimately we as artists are to be held accountable." --Nelly and Beyoncé have donated their Gaddafi money to charity . . . so is Mariah going to do the same thing? Uh, not quite. --Mariah's rep says, quote, "Mariah has and continues to donate time, money and countless hours of personal service both here and abroad." --She's also recording a new song called "Save the Day", and will donate the proceeds to charities that raise awareness about human rights issues. (--But she stopped short of saying she'd donate the fee she got from the Gaddafis. Then again, all these celebrities probably do give away tons of money every year.)


Eric Clapton Does His Own Laundry:

There are a lot of popular musicians far less talented and nowhere near as wealthy as ERIC CLAPTON who don't do their own laundry. --But Eric does. And he does it at public, coin-operated laundromats. -For real . . . although he may never do it again. A TMZ photographer caught Eric at a Laundromat in L.A., and obnoxiously filmed and shouted at him, to the point where Eric may reconsider displaying this sort of mortality again. (--Here's the video . . . Eric couldn't look more THRILLED about this, could he?)


Sammy Hagar Says Van Halen's Next Record "Better Be (Effing) Good":

VAN HALEN is supposedly working on an album with DAVID LEE ROTH right now, although the whole thing . . . if it IS happening . . . has been kept under wraps. --Well, former singer SAMMY HAGAR says he has high expectations for the album, since this would be the first Van Halen album since "3" . . . the disappointing slab of garbage they puked out with GARY CHERONE on vocals. (--It's been 27 years since the last Van Halen album with David Lee Roth, "1984".) --Sammy tells "Rolling Stone", quote, "If they do make a record, it better be (effing) good. We've waited a long time . . . do not make a mediocre record, folks. --"Because if you do, not only am I gonna be on your (butt), but everybody else is too, because it's been a long time, you've had time to put together something great." --But Sammy is doubtful that there really is a record on its way. --He explains, quote, "I don't have a lot of faith in those guys' work ethic. It just seems like they've had every opportunity in the world to make a record . . . why wouldn't they make a record in all that time? Something's really wrong." --Still, Sammy believes we need a new Van Halen record . . . quote, "As great a musician as EDDIE [VAN HALEN] is, he really needs to be more prolific because we need more great music out there. There's a lot of bad music out there. --"We need guys like Eddie Van Halen."


A New Britney Spears Track Has Leaked Online:

A new BRITNEY SPEARS song called "'Till the World Ends" has leaked online. Britney confirmed the leak on Twitter saying, quote, "looks like the cat's out of the bag." --The song was actually written by KE$HA . . . just to give you an idea of the level of awesome we're reaching here. (--You can listen to the song, here. Scroll down to the audio player.) --It'll be on Britney's new album "Femme Fatale", which comes out March 29th.


Lil Wayne's "6 Foot 7" Video:

LIL WAYNE dropped the video for "6 Foot 7" on MTV.com yesterday morning. -It has its moments, but for the most part, it seems all over the place. MTV says it seems to be inspired by the movie "Inception", because of its dreamlike sequences, but I didn't get that impression. --If nothing else, it's amusing how literally the visuals link up with some of the more playful lyrics. (--You can check it out, here. Note: The song is CENSORED.) --By the way, three young girls . . . ages five, nine and 10 . . . have released a rap music video, which calls out Wayne for his lyrics that they say are profane and violent . . . and disrespectful to women. (--You can check it out, here.)




Romeo Did "Dancing with the Stars" to Promote Education:

KIRSTIE ALLEY is doing "Dancing with the Stars" in the hopes of losing weight . . . but ROMEO has a completely different objective. He's using it as a platform to promote the importance of getting a good education. --Romeo says, quote, "This is a great opportunity for me to get the message out that we have to save our children, it is not okay that we have this happening in America. Without an education, your choices are limited."


FRIDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS


ZSA ZSA GABOR already lost most of her right leg. But yesterday, she REFUSED to have her left leg amputated. She'll be released from the hospital today. (Full Story)


WILLIAM SHATNER is recording an album of rock and metal covers with such guest stars as Queen guitarist Brian May, Ozzy guitarist Zakk Wylde, Yes guitarist Steve Howe, Deep Purple drummer Ian Paice and Peter Frampton. (Full Story)


This might be a poor choice of words: MARK RUFFALO said he's working out to prepare for his role as the Hulk in the "Avengers" movie. But here's how he said it . . . quote, "Oh baby, I'm getting hard!" (???) (Full Story)


JULIANNE HOUGH is joining TOM CRUISE in the movie version of the Broadway musical "Rock of Ages". (Full Story)


JOHN TRAVOLTA has agreed to take part in a "Welcome Back, Kotter" cast reunion at the TV Land Awards on April 10th. Sadly, GABE KAPLAN, who played Mr. Kotter, hasn't agreed to attend yet. (Full Story)


If you'd like to see ANGELINA from "Jersey Shore" get beat-down by female professional wrestler VELVET SKY . . . today is your lucky day. It aired on "TNA Impact!" last night. (Video) (--Note: It includes the words "slut" and "skank.")


JON GOSSELIN is living the low-key life these days. He makes $35-an-hour laying solar panels. A typical night for him would be "eating cheap take-out and watching 'Jersey Shore'." (Full Story)


TRENT REZNOR of NINE INCH NAILS just won an Oscar for his "Social Network" score, and now he's landed another movie gig. Word has it he'll be scoring "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" . . . and he has cameo as a vampire who kills Abe's mother. (Full Story)
NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF

The Most Average Person In the World is Male, 28, Chinese, and Christian:

"National Geographic" just finished a global statistics project where they figured out what characteristics would make up the most average person in the world. And here's what that person would look like.


--It's a man, since there are more men than women worldwide.


--He's 28 years old.


--He speaks Mandarin Chinese. 13% of people speak Mandarin as their first language. Spanish and English tie for second place, at 5% each.


--He lives in China. 19% of the people in the world are Chinese. 17% are Indian and 4% are American.


--He's Christian. 33% of the people in the world are Christian. 21% are Muslim, 13% are Hindu.


--He works in the service industry.


--And he lives in an urban area, but it's close. The world's population is divided up 51% urban, 49% rural. (National Geographic)


--They even put together a composite of what he looks like. And not surprisingly, it's basically an average-looking Chinese guy.
(--You can see it here.)


Visiting Your Facebook Profile Boosts Your Self-Esteem . . . But Looking at Your Friends' Profiles Stresses You Out:

And it's official. Academic types are now spending TOO MUCH TIME studying Facebook. --According to a new study from Cornell University, Facebook can either be great for your self-esteem, or it can stress you out . . . and the difference is in one click. --The researchers found that people who checked their OWN Facebook profile had a quick self-esteem boost. --They saw positive messages from friends on their wall and photos that brought back good memories . . . and felt good about themselves. --BUT . . . as soon as they clicked on someone else's profile, they started feeling more stressed out. --They felt overwhelmed by their number of friends and trying to keep up with people, and felt guilty about falling out of touch. --So, again, to summarize: Looking at your own profile is good for you, but as soon as you click on someone else, you start stressing out. Or something like that. (ZDNet)


When Parents Say Their Kids Make Them Happier Than Anything Else In the World . . . A Lot of Them Are Lying:

Every parent you talk to says their kids are the greatest thing that ever happened to them, bring them more joy than anything else in the world, make their lives complete, blah blah blah. --Yeah . . . they're lying. --According to a study out of the University of Waterloo in Canada, parents lie to convince themselves that their children bring them unlimited joy . . . so they can justify the time, the money, and the sacrifice it takes to raise their kids. --In the study, researchers found that most parents reported that having children led to them having to make career sacrifices . . . financial problems . . . and a decline in their satisfaction with their marriage. --But through it all, they insist that their children are THE key source of happiness in their lives. --And while that's definitely true for SOME parents . . . psychological evaluations revealed it's not true for a lot of others. They're not lying to convince YOU, they're lying to convince themselves. --The researchers found that the parents who show the most genuine happiness with their kids are the ones who were most mentally prepared for the financial cost of kids. --According to the latest studies, it costs an average of $190,000 to raise a kid for 18 years. Parents who knew that going in were less shocked about their kids' impact on their lives and ended up legitimately happier in their roles as parents. (Science Daily)


A Professor at Northwestern University Is Under Fire for Having a Nude Woman Demonstrate a Love Toy and Climax for His Students:

Now THIS is how you make sure you're the most popular professor on campus. And possibly the most popular professor in the history of college. --John Michael Bailey is a psychology professor at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. He teaches a popular class called Human Sexuality. Sometimes after class, he holds optional sessions to expand on certain topics. --Last Monday he held an after-class session that expanded on a topic a bit TOO much. Bailey had a woman who wasn't a student come to the classroom . . . GET NAKED . . . demonstrate a motorized sex toy called the [Eff]saw . . . and reach her climax in front of about 120 students. --Once word about this got out, as expected, people LOST THEIR MINDS. --Bailey is vehemently defending the session. He says that teaching different arousal techniques has academic value. Plus, the after-class sessions are optional, they're not tested, and students were warned before the demonstration started. --And, to Northwestern's credit . . . they backed Bailey. The dean of students issued a statement this week saying, quote, "the event falls within the broad range of academic freedoms, whether one approves or disapproves." --But now that this is becoming a national news story, the president of Northwestern says he's investigating. (Daily Northwestern)


Brigham Young University Suspended a Star Basketball Player . . . Because He Had Sex with His Girlfriend:

Brigham Young University in Utah is the Mormon university, and they have a VERY strict honor code. Students can't drink alcohol or coffee, they're expected to attend religious services, they can't swear, and they can't have premarital sex. --Right now, BYU is also experiencing an AMAZING basketball season . . . the team is 27 and 2, and ranked third in the entire country this week. --But the honor code and the basketball success collided this week. And the winner was . . . the honor code. --BYU suspended 19-year-old Brandon Davies . . . one of their star players . . . for the rest of the season. And it's all because he broke the honor code, and admitted he had premarital sex with his girlfriend. For what it's worth, Davies IS a Mormon. --On Wednesday night, after Davies was suspended, BYU lost 82-to-64 to the University of New Mexico. It was easily their worst loss of the season. (ESPN)


Nine Out of Ten People Have Happy Memories of Their First Car:

Do you remember your first car? And when I ask the question, does a picture of it instantly appear in your head . . . and start you on a wistful, romantic flashback? Possibly with "Low Rider" by WAR playing as the soundtrack?
--According to a new survey commissioned by Castrol, almost EVERYONE has happy memories of their first car. --Half of the people surveyed say they had a, quote, "love affair" with their first car and they'll never forget it. Another 40% say they remember their first car fondly. That means only 10% of people don't have happy first-car memories

--25% of people say they gave their first car a NAME.

--10% of people say that even though their car would be a total heap by modern standards, they'd DEFINITELY buy it back if they had the chance.

--62% of people say that their first car was six years old or more when they bought it used or got it passed down from a parent or sibling. The average person kept their first car for three years.

--57% of people say they bought their first car themselves. Men were more likely than women to buy their first car. (The Telegraph)


Mazda Has Recalled 65,000 Cars . . . Because Spiders Keep Building Webs Inside Their Fuel Lines:

Yesterday, Mazda announced that it's recalling 52,000 Mazda 6 sedans in the U.S., and 13,000 in Puerto Rico, Canada, and Mexico. And the reason is AMAZING. --For some reason, spiders won't stop building webs inside the Mazda 6 fuel system. The webs have already caused the fuel tanks of 20 cars to leak, and could cause a whole lot more. --They're called Yellow Sac spiders, and they've been building their webs in the evaporative canister vent line. That can mess up the car's emission controls, which can lead to the fuel tank cracking. --Yellow Sac spiders are almost exclusively in North America. --As for WHY the Yellow Sac spiders gravitate toward Mazda 6's . . . no one has any idea. The spiders don't like the cold, and apparently the Mazda fuel system provides them the exact kind of environment they like. --If you own a four-cylinder 2009 or 2010 Mazda 6, it's probably part of the recall. Mazda is telling people to take it to a dealer, who can inspect the canister and see if spiders have been spinning webs inside. --If so, they can clear them out. And they'll also install a spring that keeps spiders from being able to get inside. And all of it's free of charge. (Wall Street Journal)


Everybody Panic! Scientists Say There Could Be a Mass Extinction As Soon As . . . 300 Years From Now:

According to a study out of the University of California, Berkeley, there could be a MASS EXTINCTION on this planet in just a few centuries. So . . . um . . . start stocking canned goods and putting together a militia? --In the Earth's 540 million years, there have been five mass extinctions. They wipe out an average of 76% of all life on the planet. The last one was 65 million years ago and took out the dinosaurs. --The researchers at Berkeley say that the next mass extinction could happen as soon as 300 years from now. But it could also be up to 2,200 years from now. --And, they say the extinction has ALREADY STARTED. This one is a direct result of human behavior . . . spreading disease, killing species, and changing the climate. --In the past 500 years, approximately 80 species of mammals have gone extinct. The previous rate was two species every one MILLION years . . . so clearly we've really sped up the extinction process. --Anthony Barnosky is the professor who led the study. He says the good news here is another mass extinction COULD still be avoided. --Quote, "So far, only 1% to 2% of all species have gone extinct . . . so, by those numbers, it looks like we are not far down the road to extinction. --"It's important we devote resources toward species conservation if we don't want to be the species whose activity caused a mass extinction." (Daily Mail)


One Out of Four People Say They've Seen a Ghost:

Either the world's getting more haunted or people are more bored and delusional than ever. --According to a new survey, 25% of people say they've seen a GHOST. --In a similar survey in the 1950s, only 7% of people said they'd ever had an encounter with a ghost. That was up to 14% in the 1990s and 19% in 2003. --A professor at the University of Hertfordshire in England thinks the rise to 25% might be because of more paranormal and supernatural themes in TV shows and movies . . . more ghost stories make more people believe in ghosts. (Press Association)


MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Man Is Arrested for Battery After Folding His Ex-Girlfriend's Mother Into a Fold-Out Couch:

This is definitely one of the stranger ways you can get yourself locked up for battery. --On Tuesday night, 53-year-old Mark Foreman of Palmetto, Florida showed up at the home of his ex-girlfriend's mother, who's 66 years old. (--We don't know the age of Mark's ex, but if he's 53 and the mother is 66, she's probably much younger.) -Mark asked to use the bathroom, and the woman said no. --She was lying on the bed that folds out of her couch at the time. And Mark attacked her . . . and then FOLDED HER and the bed back into the couch, where she was trapped. --Someone called the cops . . . the police report doesn't say who . . . and they came to the scene. --They rescued the woman from inside the couch and sent her to the hospital, where she was treated for injuries to her right wrist and her back. --Mark was arrested for battery on a person over 65. (The Smoking Gun)


In Ohio, a Cop Asked a Driver If He'd Been Drinking . . . And the Driver Responded By Taking a Swig of Beer:

On Wednesday, just after 2:00 A.M., a police officer pulled over a driver who was speeding and swerving in an Ohio town called Elyria (--Eh leer ee yuh). --The driver was 25-year-old Stephen Supers, and the cop asked him if he'd been drinking. --Stephen responded by reaching down . . . picking up an open beer can . . . taking a drink . . . and saying, "Yes." --He was placed under arrest. The cop also searched his car and found marijuana and a CRACK PIPE. --While Stephen was in the confessing mood, he also told the cop he was driving with a suspended license. --Stephen was charged with a DUI, driving under suspension, possession of marijuana, and possession of a drug abuse instrument. (Cleveland Plain Dealer)

A Man Gets Caught Shoplifting Bras . . . To Give To His Girlfriend As a Present When She Gets Out of Jail:

Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age, but dammit if this isn't one of the sweetest, most heartwarming crimes I've ever heard of. --29-year-old Johnnie L. Brown of Ocala, Florida has been with his girlfriend for three years. Later this month, she's set to be released from jail. There's no word on how long she was in for, or why she was locked up. --Anyway, Johnnie wanted to do something nice for her as a welcome-home gift. But he's low on money. --So on Tuesday, he went to Walmart . . . to steal some bras. --Johnnie is missing one of his feet . . . it was amputated, but we're not sure why. So he rode his motorized wheelchair through the Walmart to steal the bras. He snatched two . . . a $7 red bra and a $13 zebra-striped bra . . . and shoved them down his pants. --Walmart security spotted him and called the police. He was arrested for retail theft. --When he was arrested, he had $350 in his pocket . . . but he told the cops that was his rent money. Quote, "I messed up, but I ain't sorry about it. Times are rough, and sometimes you've got to take chances." (Ocala Star Banner)


A Thief Manages To Steal $238,000 By Climbing Through an Airplane Toilet Into the Cargo Hold:

This is actually kind of a GENIUS crime. And gross. Don't forget gross. A man stole almost a quarter of a million dollars from a plane's cargo hold . . . by climbing through the toilet and sewage system. Here's how it went down. --The thief was on an Air Antilles plane headed from the Caribbean island of Guadeloupe to the island of St. Martin. --A Brink's employee loaded three sacks of cash, totaling about $1.7 MILLION, into the cargo hold. And the thief MUST'VE known about the cash. --Because he said he was sick, and spent most of the flight in the bathroom. In reality, he was removing wall and floor panels so he could crawl through the toilet and sewage system down into the cargo hold. --He went into the cargo hold, stole $238,000 from the sacks of money, then crawled back up through the sewage and put the bathroom back together.--He asked a flight attendant if an ambulance could meet him when the plane landed, because he felt so sick. --When the plane landed he was escorted off and over to the ambulance . . . which let him avoid ALL of the normal security checks. Then he said he suddenly felt better and walked off. --The police are still trying to track him down. (AFP)


A Man Is Arrested at Walmart For Shoving a Rotisserie Chicken Down His Pants:

It's Friday, and we're going to celebrate by . . . talking about a shoplifter jamming a rotisserie chicken down his pants. --On Tuesday, 27-year-old Joseph Stringer of Kingston, Georgia went to a Walmart and shoved the following things down his pants: Chicken wings, a mouth guard, two toothbrushes, and yes, a full rotisserie chicken. --Walmart security spotted him with his pants packed full, and called the police. He was arrested for misdemeanor shoplifting. (Rome News-Tribune)


RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

An autistic woman had her four service monkeys taken by New Orleans authorities . . . because she was dressing them as pirates and charging people $2 to pose for pictures with them. But she claims it was just their Mardi Gras costume. (Full Story)


Check out a list of the craziest things people have tried to deduct on their income taxes, including candy and flowers for their secretaries, and a bodybuilder who claimed he needed to eat $4,000 worth of buffalo meat to build muscle. (Full Story)


A guy was arrested with crack hidden in a Krazy Glue container up his no-go hole. But a police dog smelled, quote, "the presence of narcotic odor coming from his rear." (Full Story)


A Facebook feud between two friends that started over a $20 loan to buy diapers has ended . . . in murder. (Full Story)


A priest arrested for DUI tried to get off . . . by bribing cops with sexual favors. (Full Story)


An opposing player tried to sell new Knicks star Carmelo Anthony his vacant NYC townhouse . . . during the game. (Full Story)
NAZZY’S SILLY VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) Here's a Snake Biting a Trashy Bleach-Blonde Model On One of Her Giant Fake Cans. Happy Friday!

Being a trashy, white, bleach-blonde hooker-slash-model in the Arab world comes with a few work hazards . . . such as being female in the Arab world. And now we can add "getting your breast bitten by a snake" to that list. --There's a new video online where a skanky blonde is trying to get all seductive while she's holding a snake, and the thing latches on to one of her giant, fake cans. We're not sure where it takes place, or if the 'she' is really a 'he', but it's awesome. (--WARNING: The best part is when the guy filming yells, "Ah! It hassa the titty!" Search for "Model Gets Boob Bitten by Snake")


#2.) An Angry Mom Walked Onto Her Daughter's School Bus and Smacked a Kid in the Face:

A 27-year-old woman in Florida walked onto her daughter's school bus, and smacked another kid in the face for supposedly bullying her daughter. --She was charged with assault and child abuse, and was already on probation for driving with a suspended license. You can watch the video of the bully getting smacked on YouTube . . . where you'll notice that the mom has two SWEET facial piercings. (--Search for "Angry Mom Slaps Kid on School Bus." She backhands him at :21.) (--WARNING: This video includes the F-word.)


#3.) Check Out a Crew in Russia Causing a Controlled Avalanche by Firing a Mortar at the Side of a Mountain:

To prevent big avalanches, sometimes officials intentionally trigger smaller avalanches to get rid of the snow. And there's new footage on YouTube of a crew doing it in Russia, but the "small" avalanche they create isn't very small. --It didn't quite reach the people who were filming from the bottom of the mountain, but it got close. And by the end of the video, the entire sky is filled with snow. --They triggered it using what looks like a military mortar. You can't tell if they actually fired a shell at the mountain, or if the avalanche was just triggered by the sound. But it's Russia, so it's more fun to assume they were using live ammo. (--Search for "Avalanche on Cheget 2011" They fire the mortar at :11, and you can see the avalanche start at :34. The avalanche passes the tree line around 1:30.)


Here are the Six Most Annoying Travel Fees . . . And How to Avoid Them:

If you're flying somewhere this weekend, "Travel and Leisure" has a new list of the most annoying travel fees to look out for. Here are the top six:

#1.) Checked Baggage Fees. Obviously, most airlines now charge twenty to thirty bucks for each bag you check on a domestic flight. --You can avoid it by carrying on, or fly Southwest or JetBlue next time. Southwest lets you check two bags for free, and JetBlue lets you check one. --And be careful if you fly Spirit Airlines, because they charge for checked bags AND carry-ons, unless your carry-on fits under the seat in front of you.

#2.) Hotel Room Wi-Fi. "Travel and Leisure" says that hotels charge an average of $24 a day to have wireless Internet in your room. But a lot of the same hotels offer it for free in the lobby. --And if you travel a lot, it might be cheaper to sign up for a wireless card with your cell phone company. Or, some smartphones can plug into your computer and act as a modem. It's called 'tethering.' --Another option is to sign up for the hotel's customer loyalty program. Big hotel chains like Fairmont and Hyatt offer members all kinds of perks, including free in-room Wi-Fi.

#3.) Priority Boarding. First class passengers always board before coach, but for a small fee between $8 and $20, some airlines let coach passengers board too. --But it's basically pointless, because the only real perk is you get first access to the overhead bins. And if you DON'T pay for priority boarding, the worst thing that can happen is your carry-on gets checked.

#4.) Being Charged More for a Better Seat in Coach. Most airlines give you 31 or 32 inches of legroom. But a handful of seats have a few more inches . . . and airlines charge between fifty and 100 dollars extra for them. --Delta's new seats offer four more inches of legroom and cost $160 extra each way. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it if you need the extra legroom. --Either pay for it, or check the website SeatGuru.com to look for an airline that offers a few more inches for free.

#5.) Buying Insurance for Your Rental Car. If you already have car insurance, you probably don't need it. And if you use a credit card, that might cover it too. --The one time you DEFINITELY need to pay for insurance is when you're traveling abroad. Regular car insurance usually doesn't cover you when you're outside the U.S. and Canada.

#6.) In-Flight Charges. A lot of airlines charge $8 for a pillow and blanket, and between one to five dollars for headphones. The easiest solution is to bring your own. They'll be more comfortable anyway. (Travel & Leisure)


Four Unconventional Ways To Score a Second Date:

It's one thing to land a first date, but it's a totally different ballgame to lock up date number two. To help you out, we've got four unconventional things you can do on the FIRST date . . . to guarantee there's a second.

#1.) Borrow Something. Ask to borrow something during the date . . . a sweatshirt, a baseball hat, a pen, anything. Then "forget" to give it back. That way, you've already got an excuse to see each other again.


#2.) Follow Up. Email them the next day to let them know you had a great time. And don't do it with a text. It shows good manners, it opens the line of communication, you can write more than a text, and it hints that you're up for a second date.


#3.) Call It a Night. When in doubt, err on the side of caution and end the first date earlier rather than later. That way, you leave them wanting more.


#4.) Offer To Get the Next One. This won't really work if you're a guy, but ladies, if you want a second date, let him pay and then offer to get the next one. He'll appreciate the offer AND it shows you're interested in seeing him again. (Happen Magazine)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW (03-03-11)

SHEEN-ANIGANS

Brooke Mueller Says Charlie Sheen Threatened to Behead Her . . . And Once Knocked Her Unconscious:

Tuesday night, CHARLIE SHEEN suffered a rare LOSS when his twin sons, Bob and Max, were taken by police and returned to their mom, BROOKE MUELLER. Brooke also got a restraining order against Charlie. --And now we know what caused the courts and the police to act so swiftly. Brooke made some pretty serious allegations against Charlie. --For starters, she says Charlie knocked her out in October of 2009 . . . just a few months before that Christmas Day altercation in Aspen, Colorado in which he allegedly choked her and held a knife to her throat. --In her court papers, she said, quote, "He knocked me to the floor causing me to hit my head on the corner of a couch. I was knocked unconscious and required medical attention, including a CAT scan." --Brooke claims she can back this up with photos of her injuries, testimony from two witnesses and a written apology from Charlie. --Then, after that Christmas Day altercation, Brooke says Charlie told her, quote, "I should have killed you when I had the chance." --We all know that Charlie and Brooke had a falling out during that trip to the Bahamas with "the goddesses" last week. Brooke admits that she fell off the wagon with one of Charlie's girlfriends. --She also says he went off on her . . . spitting on her feet, punching her in the arm and threatening to stick a penknife in her eye. (--It's not clear if this tirade was related to Brooke's drug use.) (--Charlie shared some pictures with RadarOnline.com of drug paraphernalia he allegedly found in Brooke's room in the Bahamas. You can see them here. And here's video of Charlie and one of his "goddesses" discussing Brooke's drug use.) --On the jet to the Bahamas, Brooke says Charlie was telling everybody how he hated his other ex-wife, DENISE RICHARDS, and claimed he was going to, quote, "have her hair shaved off." --At some point, he also dropped another Sheen classic . . . quote, "I'm untouchable! I'm Charlie Sheen! I'm more famous than Obama!" --And Brooke says the only reason the twins were staying with Charlie and his girlfriends is because Charlie took them from her home without permission this past Saturday. (--The twins will be two years old on the 14th of this month.) --She says she tried to get them back, and Charlie threatened to BEHEAD her. He said, quote, "I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom." --Brooke isn't the only one Charlie likes to take his rage out on. Apparently, he's also been thinking about putting hits out on people. -Brooke says Charlie recently asked her for $20,000 in cash from child support payments he'd given her . . . because he needed, quote, "untraceable cash" in order to "knock off a few people." --He allegedly told her, quote, "The people I hate violently are going to get severely punished." --Brooke also tried to re-fuel talk of Charlie's anti-Semitism. She said she once received a text from Charlie concerning his manager, Mark Burg. --He allegedly said, quote, "I must execute mark b like the stoopid jew pig that he is." --In her court petition, Brooke kind of states the obvious . . . quote, "I believe [Charlie's] rage is the result of an intense mental issue, rather than simply a reaction to substance abuse." --She adds, quote, "I am very concerned that [Sheen] is currently insane. I am in great fear that he will find me and attack me and I am in great fear for the children's safety while in his care."


Charlie Denies Everything Brooke Mueller Said About Him . . . Obviously:

CHARLIE SHEEN is denying everything BROOKE MUELLER said about him in her court papers the other day. No big surprise there. --In an interview with "People" magazine, he said, quote, "What she's saying is a frigging lie. I'd like to see her drug tests right now. I'd go head-to-head with her on that." (--Brooke has admitted that she's still battling addiction . . . and that she's currently in an outpatient rehab program.) --He also specifically denied he ever sent Brooke a text calling his manager, Mark Burg, a, quote, "stoopid jew pig." He said, quote, "I would never, ever say that about my dear friend Mark." --He accused Brooke of taking his phone and sending texts to get him in trouble. He says he caught her doing it a year ago to, quote, "cause discord among my immediate family." --And he says his "goddesses" caught Brooke using his phone just recently. He adds, quote, "Lies are the fuel that cowards drink." --For the record, Mark Burg himself isn't buying Brooke's claim. He points out that several of the people Charlie works with . . . lawyers, publicists and such . . . are Jewish. --And he adds, quote, "I've known [Charlie Sheen] for 13 years. I don't believe that he actually sent that text. I also know that Brooke Mueller has texted me from Charlie's phone purporting to be Charlie and has done that also to members of his family."


Charlie Sheen Wants His Kids Back:

CHARLIE SHEEN was back on the interview trail yesterday, talking about his new quest . . . which is to get his twin sons back. --On the "Today" show, he spoke directly to BROOKE MUELLER, saying, quote, "Brooke, I'm sorry you felt this had to be done in this way, but this does not display any responsible parenting that I'm familiar with. --"I think that cooler and smarter, leveler heads can prevail, and I urge you to reach out to me, immediately if not sooner, and tell me where our sons are." --But he also took a shot at her parenting, saying, quote, "There's more love, compassion, support, childcare and everything else you could possibly want for a child in this lovely home. --"It's a hundred thousand times better than what's going to be delivered or offered in her house." He added that his goal now is to, quote, "[bring] these two beautiful young men back to the home that they deserve to be raised in." --As for what happened when the cops took the kids Tuesday night, Charlie said, quote, "I stayed very calm and focused. [To my sons] I said, 'I love you.' And I said, 'Don't say goodbye. Say see you later.' And later is, we believe to be, very soon." (--RadarOnline.com was there when Charlie had to hand the kids over, and they got VIDEO. And Charlie's not kidding . . . he was VERY calm and cool about the whole thing. Check it out here. And here's video from "Today".) --In an interview with TMZ, Charlie says he doesn't know where the kids are. He sent a nanny to Brooke's home, and nobody was there. He says, quote, "I'm going crazy. I have to find my children." --Meanwhile, Charlie's daughters . . . 7-year-old Sam and 6-year-old Lola . . . are safe and sound with their mom, DENISE RICHARDS. --A source says, quote, "No way would Denise let her daughters be part of the insanity that's going on right now. Her first priority is Sam and Lola, and she would never allow them to be part of this circus."


Charlie Sheen Has Offended a Real Warlock:

You may have noticed that CHARLIE SHEEN is quite fond of calling himself a WARLOCK these days. --Maybe you find that amusing. But REAL WARLOCKS don't. --CHRISTIAN DAY belongs to the Coven of the Raven Moon in Salem, Massachusetts. And he calls Charlie's flippant uses of the W-word a, quote, "blatant offense against our ways." And he's going to take action. --He says, quote, "I am going to magically bind Mr. Sheen, not to harm him, but to simply prevent him from using this word in such a negative manner in the future. --"If Mr. Sheen is open to it, our coven would be willing to perform a cleansing on both him, his home, and his career." (--Here's a picture of Christian Day.)


Assorted Charlie Sheen Links:

All manner of CHARLIE SHEEN-related websites are popping up. Some are worth your time, some are not. Here are the ones that ARE . . .

--There's a nice Charlie quote generator here. Unfortunately, the site's been getting hit pretty hard with traffic, so you only have a 50-50 shot at actually getting through. The site went down several times last night.

--How about a T-shirt with your favorite Charlie Sheen quote?

--Here are Charlie's quotes on pictures of baby sloths.

--This is probably the best one of them all. It's a collection of quotes from Charlie, mixed with quotes from WILL FERRELL'S "Anchorman" character, Ron Burgundy. Can you guess who said what?

--By the way . . . Charlie did yet another interview with yet another radio show. (--This time it was Karson and Kennedy on Mix 104.1 in Boston.) And he said he doesn't mind if people make money off his lunacy on the Internet.

--He said, quote, "I hope the people that made them are getting rich. They deserve it because they're smart enough to grab it, right?" (--You can listen to the interview here.)


Serena Williams Suffered a Blood Clot in Her Lungs, Followed by a Hematoma:

SERENA WILLIAMS has been battling some pretty serious health issues in recent days. --Less than two weeks ago, she suffered a pulmonary embolism, which is a clot that blocks blood flow to the lungs. It's a very serious condition. --And while she was being treated for that, she suffered a hematoma that required emergency treatment on Monday. (--A hematoma is bleeding under the skin.) --It's not clear where this will leave her tennis career . . . but she's doing well. She issued a statement yesterday saying, quote, "Thank you everyone for all of your prayers, concerns, and support. --"This has been extremely hard, scary, and disappointing. I am doing better, I'm at home now and working with my doctors to keep everything under control." She added, quote, "I know I will be okay, but am praying and hoping this will all be behind me soon. While I can't make any promises now on my return [to tennis], I hope to be back by early summer. --"That said, my main goal is to make sure I get there safely." (--Serena . . . who's 29 . . . won Wimbledon in July . . . then four days later, she sliced her tendon on broken glass while leaving a restaurant in Munich. She hasn't played since.)
A's Outfielder Coco Crisp Was Arrested for DUI:

Oakland A's outfielder COCO CRISP was arrested on suspicion of DUI in Scottsdale, Arizona yesterday morning. --Cops pulled him over because he was having a little trouble keeping his $400,000 2009 Rolls Royce Phantom in a single lane. He was given a field sobriety test . . . which he did not pass. There's no word on his blood-alcohol level. --Coco is in Arizona with the A's for spring training. He was released from jail in time for yesterday's drills. There's no word whether the team plans to punish him. --Not that there's necessarily a connection here, but Coco was one of the Major Leaguers who was taking batting practice with the UCLA team on the day that CHARLIE SHEEN showed up to take a few swings. (--Here's video of Coco talking about that day. He says Charlie did NOT ask to party with him . . . but they did exchange phone numbers.)


Andy Dick Was Caught Snorting Coke in His Car:

RadarOnline.com has posted pictures of ANDY DICK snorting cocaine in his car. They were taken this past Thursday in the parking lot of the Corner Club in Woodland Hills, California. (--Check out the pics here.) --Earlier that night, a witness walked into the club's bathroom and saw Andy . . . shall we say . . . being NURSED by a woman. --The witness says, quote, "They didn't even care or acknowledge me. He was all over her in the men's bathroom, she was lifting her shirt and he was kissing her naked breasts." --The two later retreated to Andy's car, where the coke-sniffing . . . and more "nursing" . . . commenced. The witness says, quote, "They were in their own little world. He was oblivious to everything except the cocaine and the woman with him."


Tom Hanks and Tim Allen Are Teaming Up Again . . . for a Live-Action Movie:

The pairing of TOM HANKS and TIM ALLEN in the "Toy Story" movies has brought in BILLIONS of dollars. But can they produce the cheddar by going LIVE-ACTION? --Hanks and Allen are doing a movie together called "Jungle Cruise" . . . based on the Disney attraction of the same name. --It's an action-adventure starring Hanks as a family man and Allen as a tour boat captain. And that's pretty much all anybody's saying about it at this point.


Are These the Most-Paused Movie Moments?

We all have our favorite movie moments where we hit the pause button and just let our eyes drink it in. And most of those moments involve some kind of NUDITY. --Well, the people at LOVEFiLM . . . which is basically a European version of Netflix . . . polled their subscribers and came up with what they claim are the 10 Most Paused Movie Moments. And yeah, most of them include nudity. Here they are . . .

#1.) Sharon Stone crossing her legs in "Basic Instinct", 31% (--Here's the UNCENSORED video of the leg scene and her sex scene. She drops an Eff-bomb within the first five seconds, and there are plenty of sex sounds after the leg scene.)

#2.) Jennifer Lopez's naked rear in "The Back-Up Plan", 16% (--It's after she's pretty far along into her pregnancy and she's checking herself out unhappily in the mirror. You can see it here. Just skip ahead to the 3:12 mark.)

#3.) Stormtrooper bangs his head, "Star Wars", 15% (Video)

#4.) Jamie Lee Curtis flashing her breasts in "Trading Places", 8% (Video)

#5.) Jessica Rabbit goes commando in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", 6% (--This one is when she's thrown from the car. As she spins around with her legs spread, you can supposedly see it if you slow it way down on the laser disc version. Here's the video of that scene. And here's a still photo.)

#6.) Brad Pitt flashes behind doctor in hospital in "Fight Club", 5% (--Here's a video that reveals four scenes where Brad Pitt's character Tyler Durden appears as a subliminal message. But BE CAREFUL, because there's a fifth scene at the end of the clip which also shows male genitalia.)

#7.) Captain America's shield appears on desk in "Iron Man 2", 4% (Video)

#8.) Dust spells out "S.F.X." in "The Lion King", 3%
(--This one probably gets a lot of play because it looks so much like it spells "SEX". But it IS S.F.X. It was a self-shout-out inserted by the special effects people. You can see it here.)

#9.) Pac Man's cameo in "Tron", 2% (Video)

#10.) Nicole Kidman flashes her rear end in "Eyes Wide Shut", 1% (Video)


Snooki Admits That She's a Trainwreck on TV:

A new issue of "Rolling Stone" comes out tomorrow and there's an interview with SNOOKI where she admits that she finds it difficult to watch herself being such a trackwreck on "Jersey Shore". --She says, quote, "If I do something stupid, which is pretty much the whole time, I hate it. I just hate it. Obviously, they're only going to put the good stuff in, and the good stuff is us drunk, so all I'm seeing is me drunk and falling down. --"That's how I am when I party, but some of the stuff I do is, like, 'Really, Nicole?' I look like a freakin' alcoholic. I'm like, 'You're sweating, your makeup is running, you look gross.' I just look like (crap)." (--Snooki's real name is Nicole.) --Aside from drinking and partying, Snooki also spends a lot of her "Jersey Shore" screen-time hooking up. But she claims she's only had sex on the show ONCE. --She explains, quote, "The only person I've had sex with on 'Jersey Shore' is my boyfriend. The guys you see me bring home, we're only cuddling and making out like any other person would do, but we're on camera and the whole world's seeing it." --And Snooki admits, quote, "It does look like I'm having sex." --So now that Snooki sees how much of a mess she is on "Jersey Shore", is she planning on making her next gig something classier? No, of course not. --She says, quote, "When 'Jersey Shore' ends I'm going to do more spin-offs. If MTV doesn't want them, another network will be, like, 'What does Snooki do now?' or 'Snooki's getting married!' --"What I'd like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions . . . I'm trying to build an empire, because after this I can't get a normal job. I mean, how do I go and sit behind a desk?"


Jessica Simpson Is a "Frontrunner" to join Simon Cowell's "X Factor":

(--Speaking of Jessica Simpson's brand . . .) "People" magazine has a so-called "show insider" telling them that JESSICA SIMPSON is one of the "frontrunners" to be a judge on SIMON COWELL'S "X Factor". --The source adds that they're still talking to a lot of people . . . and that there are, quote, "loads of conversations happening," but no one has been offered a spot yet. --Supposedly, Jessica is, quote, "keen" on doing it. (--Which doesn't really mean much, except that this anonymous "show insider" is likely BRITISH.)


Christina Aguilera *Will* Be a Judge on "The Voice":

It's official: CHRISTINA AGUILERA will join CEE LO GREEN and MAROON 5 singer ADAM LEVINE as a judge (slash) coach on the NBC singing competition show, "The Voice". (--This is the show where the judges will have their backs turned to the contestants during the auditions, so they'll choose their talent based on their voice ONLY . . . not their appearance.) (--It debuts on April 26th. CARSON DALY hosts.) --This isn't the first time Christina has been in the news this week . . . because Christina has been partaking in some of CHARLIE SHEEN'S brand of winning. --Christina was arrested for public intoxication early Tuesday morning, while her boyfriend was popped for DUI. She's not in any real trouble yet . . . but if you believe the tabloids, she's been slipping into a DOWNWARD SPIRAL.


Thursday TV Reminders: (--Check your local listings.)

--"American Idol" [Results Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. (--The Top 10 are announced. Plus, Jennifer Lopez premieres her music video "On the Floor".)

--"Police Women of Cincinnati" [5th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TLC.

--"Beyond Scared Straight" [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E.
BIEBER FEVER

Justin Bieber's Hair Sold for Over $40,000:

Remember that lock of hair that JUSTIN BIEBER gave to ELLEN DEGENERES to auction off for charity? Well, it sold . . . for a LOT of money. --Ellen sold the hair on eBay for $40,668. She's donating the money to an animal rescue charity called The Gentle Barn. --But the prize DID include more than just some strands of hair. First, it came in a clear display box, which Justin also signed. --And the winning bidder was supposed to have the opportunity to meet Justin on a future episode of "Ellen", but that probably won't be happening after all. --That's because the buyer is the online casino GoldenPalace.com, which regularly buys celebrity memorabilia online. (--They bought WILLIAM SHATNER'S kidney stone back in 2005 for $21,000. Shatner used that money to help buy a house for a family left homeless by Hurricane Katrina.) --In a statement, GoldenPalace says they plan to put the hair on tour at Justin's concerts to raise even more money for charity. (--It's unclear how that will work.) (--But REAL, rich teenage girls aren't out of luck yet. Justin previously insinuated that there would be multiple sales of his hair for charity.)


Justin Bieber Flips Off the Paparazzi . . . and Even That Is Cute:

JUSTIN BIEBER was out celebrating his birthday with SELENA GOMEZ on Tuesday night . . . and at some point, the paparazzi got under his skin. --Justin lost his cool, and he flipped the photographers off. Despite the obvious naughtiness, there was an element of CUTENESS for the teenage girls out there . . . because Justin's middle finger had a BAND-AID on it. (--Naturally, there's a picture of this. Here it is. And yeah, that's Selena next to him in the picture. You have to get over it. She's his girlfriend. Sorry, kids.) --Justin has apologized for the gesture on Twitter . . . saying, quote, "I'm normal. [I] had a great [birthday] and at the end of the night we got surrounded by [paparazzi] and I reacted in a way I know better. I'm sorry #KillThemWithKindness. --"It's not always easy, but I know better than to react in anger. Life has its ups and downs, but you guys are always there for me. I will make my mistakes, but I promise to continue to grow with you and try to do [what's] right." (--Well done, Justin. 17-year-old stars have done worse things than flipping off the paparazzi . . . for some reason TAYLOR MOMSEN comes to mind . . . and no one, not even the paparazzi themselves, would doubt that they deserved it.)


Selena Gomez's Was *Not* Assaulted By One of Justin Bieber's Fans:

A rumor has been making the rounds . . . on the sites your daughter hits up . . . claiming that one of JUSTIN BIEBER'S fans PUNCHED his girl, SELENA GOMEZ in the face. --The visual proof is a picture of her supposedly with a "fat lip." (--Here it is.) --Selena's rep says there's, quote, "absolutely no truth" to this. (--Bieber Nation: This is NOT cool! Bieber Fever is about LOVE not WAR. Bieber-Fan-on-Bieber-Girlfriend crime doesn't show your love for Justin . . . it only shows your love for YOURSELF!)


Kim Kardashian's First Single Has Been Unleashed:

KIM KARDASHIAN premiered her debut single "Jam (Turn It Up)" on RYAN SEACREST'S radio show yesterday. And it's more of a club track than anything. --Kim "sings," quote, "Feeling so good / feeling so right / got my hands up . . . Celebrate like it's my birthday / five more shots of tequila, I'm thirsty." (--Listen to "Jam (Turn It Up)", here. NOTE: It includes audio tags for Ryan's show. The song begins at the 50-second mark. It'll be on iTunes soon.) (--Kim is donating all the proceeds to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Which seems like a low-down, dirty way to get people to buy it. But once you hear it, you'll understand why she thought it was necessary.)


A New Britney Spears Track Has Hit the Internet:

BRITNEY SPEARS' producer DR. LUKE has released a "snippet" of a new Britney track called "Seal It with a Kiss". It'll be on Britney's new album, "Femme Fatale", which comes out March 29th. (--You can check it out, here.) --By the way, Dr. Luke is countersuing THE BELLAMY BROTHERS, who are STILL pursuing legal action against Britney for supposedly ripping off THEIR song title. (--You can revisit that bizarre claim, here.) --Dr. Luke claims the Bellamy Brothers' lawsuit is a "smear campaign," and a, quote, "publicity stunt aimed to increase their record sales . . . and to combat their dwindling relevance." The Bellamys haven't responded to that.
Sammy Hagar Thinks There's a 90% Chance His Version of Van Halen Will Reunite . . . and He's Serious About That:

SAMMY HAGAR has been through two pretty gnarly splits from VAN HALEN, and yet he'd still be up for another run . . . under one condition: --And that is: EDDIE VAN HALEN cleans up his act . . . meaning: He gets sober. That's because Sammy claims Eddie's alcoholism led to their most recent split, after Van Halen's 2004 reunion tour. --Of course, a reunion would also have to mean that Eddie would want Sammy back. And at least for now, that doesn't seem anywhere CLOSE to happening. (--The band is working on new music with original singer DAVID LEE ROTH.) --Regardless, Sammy is almost GUARANTEEING it'll happen before he dies. --"Rolling Stone" asked him what the chances of that happening were and he said, quote, "I'd say it's up there around 90%. I would love to make another record with Van Halen. If Eddie was totally cool, and was back to the guy I used to know, or a new guy, not the guy I knew. --"He can't be that guy. I wouldn't do it if he was like that . . . But if Eddie really got his life together, which it seems he has judging by the pictures I've seen, then definitely." --But he does admit that NOTHING is imminent, quote, "Right now, zero chance . . . but someday, before we all die, (eff) yeah. We might be in our 90s though." (--Eddie has reunited with David Lee Roth twice, and has made up with Sammy before so I suppose anything is possible . . . but judging by how things have gone over the past few years, I definitely can't see this happening soon.)


And Now, Beyoncé Says She's Donated Her Gaddafi Money:

After NELLY FURTADO said that she was donating the $1 million she got for performing for the family of Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, BEYONCÉ has announced that she too has donated her fee to charity. --Her rep says that she donated her Gaddafi fee to the Haiti earthquake relief efforts "over a year ago." The rep added, quote, "Once it became known that the [money] was linked to the Gaddafi family, the decision was made to put that payment to a good cause." --They didn't say how much it was, but it is believed to have been $1 million. (--I hate to be a pessimist, but couldn't an artist just tag a past donation as the money they got from the Gaddafi family after the fact? I'm just wondering aloud . . .)


Adele Sold 352,000 Copies of "21" To Top This Week's "Billboard" Chart:

British soul singer ADELE tops the "Billboard" album chart this week. Her second album "21", sold 352,000 copies in its first week of release. Just like her first album, "19", the title is the age she was when she wrote the songs.

1.) (NEW) "21", Adele (352,000 copies)

2.) "Never Say Never: The Remixes", Justin Bieber (102,000 copies)

3.) "Sigh No More", Mumford & Sons (71,000 copies)


Lady Antebellum's Hillary Scott Was Turned Down for "American Idol" . . . Twice:

LADY ANTEBELLUM'S HILLARY SCOTT is a big fan of "American Idol" . . . even though she auditioned twice, and was REJECTED both times. She told "Entertainment Tonight", quote, "I never even got to see (the judges). --"I literally performed for the production assistants and the interns, and I just didn't make it." -But Hillary has no hard feelings. In fact, she's totally getting into this year's "Idol". She says, quote, "I'm a huge fan of the show. I think the judges are awesome. I think the talent looks great." (--Do you know someone who's super-talented but didn't make the cut at "American Idol"? Not some lame performer you think "got robbed". I'm talking a legitimate act that is carving out a decent career despite the snub.)


THURSDAY'S SHOWBIZ EXTRAS

CHARLIE SHEEN'S "Two and a Half Men" co-star, JON CRYER, filmed a comedy skit for today's "Ellen DeGeneres Show". Ellen finds him working as a temp receptionist, since he's currently out of work. (Full Story)


CHELSEA HANDLER told CONAN O'BRIEN last night that she's not into sex with redheads. (Full Story)


ZSA ZSA GABOR was hospitalized AGAIN yesterday, because there was no blood flow in her left leg. (--It was her RIGHT leg that was amputated.) (Full Story)


There's a new version of the sci-fi classic "Blade Runner" in the works. There's no word on casting yet. The 1982 original was directed by Ridley Scott, and starred Harrison Ford and Rutger Hauer. (Full Story)


DIANE LANE will play Martha Kent . . . Superman's adoptive Earth-mother . . . in the upcoming "Superman" reboot. (Full Story)


MICK JAGGER'S younger brother Chris told a Portuguese TV station that Mick was working on a solo album, with help from DAVE STEWART of the EURYTHMICS. And that's the most official word we have on that. (Full Story)


KEITH RICHARDS' 25-year-old daughter Theodora, who's a model, was busted Tuesday night in New York. She was allegedly tagging a building, and in possession of marijuana. She's facing two graffiti charges and two drug charges. (Full Story)


MICHAEL LOHAN will be on the fifth season of "Celebrity Rehab". The rest of the cast includes: Former baseball player Dwight "Doc" Gooden, former "Baywatch" kid Jeremy Jackson, and Tareq and Michaele Salahi . . . the couple that crashed a White House party, and then ended up on "Real Housewives". (Full Story)


NAZZY’S RANDOM STUFF

NOT-SO-STUPID NEWS

When a Boy Falls Into a Well, His Mom Doesn't Just Sit By and Wait for Help . . . She Goes Down the Well Herself To Save Him:

A few days ago, Amy Prentice of Bartlesville, Oklahoma was in her yard with her kids . . . a seven-year-old boy named Nathan and a six-year-old girl named Sammy. And the kids started climbing on the rock wall of an old well in their yard. --Nathan fell in . . . and fell 30 feet before he hit the water at the bottom. --And Amy's reaction was HARDCORE. Instead of calling for help . . . or, ya know, calling for Lassie . . . she WENT DOWN THE WELL after him. --Nathan was injured . . . he had blood all over his head and his neck . . . and Amy wanted to be with him so he wouldn't go into shock. She climbed down using rocks and pipes to keep her footing, and started calming her son down. --Luckily, a neighbor called the fire department. They were able to rescue Amy and Nathan in about 45 minutes. -Nathan needed staples to fix a head wound, but otherwise he's okay. Amy just had a few scrapes. --She says another neighbor has volunteered to fill in the well. (NBC 2 - Tulsa)


Would You Buy Your Wedding Dress At Costco?

When you're shopping for a wedding dress, there's about to be a new option . . . one far, far away from the overpriced boutique bridal shops. In fact, this one's set up at the same place you buy 96 packs of soap and giant tubs of mayonnaise. --Costco is getting into the wedding dress game. --Costco just announced a partnership with a wedding dress designer named Kirstie Kelly. She's making six exclusive dress designs that will sell at Costco . . . for much cheaper than her dresses sell elsewhere. --Kelly's designs normally run up to $4,000 . . . the six Costco dresses will range in price from $600 to $1,399. --They'll be available in sizes two to 24. --And even though they're less expensive than most wedding dresses, Kelly says they're still going to maintain her strong commitment to quality . . . with luxury fabrics and embellishments like lace, crystals, and pearls. --Costco will start selling the dresses through special bridal events. You can go to Costco.com to see if and when they're going to hold one in your area, and even make an appointment. (--Check out the direct link here.) (Aisle Dash)


One Out of Every Two Shopping Carts Has E. Coli On the Handle:

You know how most grocery stores have a little container of sanitizing wipes next to the grocery carts? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, use them to wipe down your cart's handle before you shop. --We all know grocery cart handles are filthy. But according to a new study by the University of Arizona, they're even filthier than you could've imagined. --In their study, they found that 50% of shopping carts had E. COLI on the handle. In case you're a little fuzzy on the math there, that's one out of every two carts. --It gets worse: 72% of the shopping carts they tested, quote, "contained a marker for fecal bacteria." --While some strains of E. coli are basically harmless, other ones can make you legitimately sick. And even if you wash your hands, the E. coli from your cart is still getting awfully close to your food. --Charles Gerba is a professor of soil, water, and environment, and led the study. He says, quote, "There's more [bacteria] than you find in a supermarket's restroom. --"That's because they use disinfecting cleaners in the restrooms. Nobody routinely cleans and disinfects shopping carts." (AOL News)


In This Economy, Even Rich People Are Eating Fast Food:

Next time you pull up to Arby's and see a Rolls-Royce in the parking lot, and a guy inside with a top hat and monocle going to town on a Beef 'N Cheddar, here's the explanation. --According to a study by American Express, thanks to the economy, rich people have started going to fast food restaurants more than ever. -In the last three months of 2010, American Express's richest clients had a 4% increase in fast food spending. Their spending at more expensive restaurants declined 4%. --With the economy recovering slowly, they've found that everyone's prioritizing their spending, even rich people . . . and eating out doesn't seem to be that high on people's lists. --In other words, they'd be more willing to spend on a vacation . . . but then eat Burger King once they're there. (CNN Money)


The Catholic Church Is Removing All References To "Booty" From the Bible:

Man, if KC and the Sunshine Band are Catholic, they're gonna hate this decision. --The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops have conferred and decided to release a new version of the official English-language Catholic Bible. And that edition is completely scrubbed of all references to BOOTY. --Now, when the Bible says booty, it's not in reference to, like, Jesus telling the prostitutes to drop it like it's hot. It uses "booty" the way that we think of pirates using the word "booty", to refer to the riches you get from war. --But, to the Catholic bishops, "booty" is too evocative in the modern buttock context . . . so it's been replaced with the word "spoils." --There are plenty of Catholic Bibles in English . . . at least a few dozen . . . and, for now, the booty dropping is only happening in the bishops' official version, the New American Bible. --This new version comes out next week on Ash Wednesday. (USA Today)


A Woman Is Suing a 99-Cent Store Because She Slipped and Fell On . . . A Banana Peel:

Ever since slapstick comedy was invented, people have been slipping on banana peels. Even though in real life, we're pretty sure no one in HISTORY has ever ACTUALLY slipped on a banana peel. They're really not all that slippery. --But 58-year-old Ida Valentine of Fontana, California has changed all that. Last April, Ida was shopping at a 99 Cents Only store in Fontana, and yes, she actually slipped on a banana peel. --There was a banana peel on the floor, Ida stepped on it, lost her balance, and crashed down, buttocks first. --She suffered a herniated disk and tissue damage. Her medical bills ran close to $9,000. So now she's suing the store for an undisclosed amount. --The 99 Cents Only higher-ups offered her a $44,000 settlement . . . which she rejected. --No one from the 99 Cents Only chain had any comment. (Reuters)


Phoenix, Arizona May Not Actually Be the Kidnapping Capital of the U.S. . . . It Looks Like They Fabricated the Statistics To Get Funding:

In 2009, the Phoenix police department reported that the city saw 350 kidnappings in the previous year . . . almost one a day. Which is an INSANE amount of kidnappings. --That didn't just make it the Kidnapping Capital of the U.S. That made it the second-most dangerous city for kidnappings in the ENTIRE WORLD, after Mexico City. So the federal government responded by giving Phoenix a $1.7 MILLION grant. --Last December, the government started getting suspicious. How could Phoenix's kidnapping number be THAT much higher than the rest of the country? So the Office of the Inspector General ordered an audit. --The results of that audit are in and . . . yeah, Phoenix was lying. --Turns out the Phoenix police counted about 100 crimes as kidnappings that weren't really kidnappings. They wanted that federal grant money . . . and thought this would be the best way to get it. --Jack Harris is the Phoenix Chief of Police. He said he's not going to resign over this, and that Phoenix DOES having a major kidnapping problem. --There's no word on what actions could be taken against Harris or the department by the city or the federal government. (AZFamily.com)
Texas Lawmakers Have Proposed a Law That Would Impose Harsh Penalties for Hiring an Illegal Immigrant . . . Unless They're Your Maid or Gardener:

There's something that feels so WRONG here. It's like some state representatives in Texas want it both ways. They want to be brutal on illegal immigrants . . . but they sure as hell don't want to pay AMERICAN wages for childcare or yard work. --Debbie Riddle is a Republican in Texas's House of Representatives. And she's proposed a new law that would get you up to TWO YEARS in jail and a $10,000 fine for intentionally or knowingly hiring an illegal immigrant. --EXCEPT . . . if you hire them to be your maid, housekeeper, or gardener. (???) --Riddle and other state representatives say that illegal immigrants are THE number one issue that their constituents bring up to them. They want something done about the huge influx from Mexico. --But as much as Texans are opposed to illegal immigrants . . . they're not opposed enough to stop paying them below minimum wage to work on their house. --Riddle says that if the law DIDN'T have an exception for maids and gardeners, quote, "a large segment of the Texas population [would end up] in prison." --Her chief of staff says her bill isn't targeting individuals, but is really focusing on big businesses that hire illegals. --Other immigration bills floating around in Texas include one that would add an 8% surcharge to any money wired from Texas to Latin America . . . and one that would require cops to ask EVERYONE they pull over what their citizenship status is. --There's no word on when any of these could be put to a vote. (CNN)


A Houston Police Officer Is Suspended for Using Tear Gas On His Opponents at a Barbecue Cook-Off:

51-year-old Mike Hamby is a 30-year veteran police officer with the Houston Police Department. He was off-duty over the weekend, and he and some friends had a team at the Houston rodeo's barbecue cook-off. --Apparently, Mike takes his barbecue contests VERY seriously. --According to reports, Mike threw a canister of TEAR GAS into an opposing team's booth. Several people at the cook-off got sick, including some AMPUTEE military veterans who were there in wheelchairs and couldn't avoid the gas. --Mike was relieved of duty while he's under investigation. The Houston PD hasn't released the potential charges Mike is facing. --According to records, since he joined the police in December of 1980, he's had seven previous internal affairs complaints. They include misconduct, improper procedure, and two unnamed accidents. --There were 330 teams at the cook-off and more than 117,000 people attended. (Houston Chronicle)


MEATBALL CRIMINALS

A Man Runs Over a Pedestrian . . . Then Goes To a Store, Buys Chips and a Drink, and Calls In a Fake Carjacking:

This is one sick, sick man. Who runs over a stranger, leaves them for dead . . . and then has a craving for chips and a drink? --On December 23rd, 2009, 26-year-old Jeremy Lane of Chattanooga, Tennessee was driving home drunk when he RAN OVER a 42-year-old mother of two named Susan Wood. --Lane fled the scene, drove off, and went straight to a gas station. Where he bought himself some chips . . . a soda . . . and then called the cops to phone in a FAKE CARJACKING to cover for the hit-and-run. --Susan died from the injuries. --Detectives were easily able to find the holes in Lane's story and connect him to the hit-and-run. He was arrested and charged with filing a false report, leaving the scene, DUI, and vehicular homicide. --Lane is on trial now. He's already pleaded guilty to the lesser counts . . . filing a false report and leaving the scene. Now the trial is going on for the DUI and vehicular homicide charges. --He could be facing at least 20 years in prison. (Chattanooga Times Free Press)


A Man Drives For 35 Miles and Hits 100 Miles-Per-Hour . . . With His Wife On the Hood Clinging To His Windshield Wiper:

I know this is a story about a really sad fight between a husband and a wife that escalated WAY, WAY too far . . . but all I can think about is how this woman has found her true calling as a stuntwoman. --On Saturday, 36-year-old Christopher Carroll of Manteca, California got into a fight with his wife. Her name hasn't been released. Christopher threatened to leave, and got into the family minivan. She got on the hood of the van to stop him. --Only it didn't work: He started DRIVING. She held on. He kept going. She held on to a windshield wiper blade. He went to the FREEWAY. She kept holding on. --When all was said and done, Carroll drove 35 MILES with his wife on the hood of the minivan . . . in 30-degree weather . . . and even hit speeds as fast as 100 MILES-PER-HOUR. She never let go, and never fell. --Two people called 911. By the time police arrived, Carroll had slowed down and his wife had safely rolled off the hood. A witness took her to the hospital where she was treated for hypothermia. --Carroll was arrested and charged with attempted murder, kidnapping, and domestic assault. About a week earlier, Carroll had been arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance, then released. (San Jose Mercury News)
RANDOM NEWS EXTRAS

Better late than never: A new book by the Pope explains why the Jews weren't responsible for killing Jesus. (Full Story)


There's a 61-year-old diabetic man in Oregon with no feeling in his feet. And he woke up on Tuesday to find that his dog had eaten part of his right foot, including three toes. A vet says that the dog may have just been trying to rid his owner of dead tissue, especially if it was infected or gangrenous. (Full Story)


According to a new study on the usage of 635 condoms by 77 women at a reproductive health clinic: 7.9% broke or slipped off, 1.1% broke outright, and 2% leaked. (Full Story)


Volkswagen is resurrecting their hippie microbus. The prototype has an electric motor, and uses an iPad to control the radio. But it's shorter and wider than the original, so it looks a little like a minivan. (Full Story)


A litter of sick three-month-old puppies was left outside an Oklahoma dog shelter, euthanized, declared dead, and left in a dumpster . . . but one of them was found alive the next morning, and is looking for a home. (Full Story)


Nine sixth graders in Washington state have been expelled for running a "fight club" at school and in homes. (Full Story)


Tomorrow's Friday, and we have good news: New research suggests that alcohol consumption can help stave off dementia! (Full Story)


A woman in Southern California was crushed to death while trying to stop a tow truck from repossessing her car. (Full Story)


Awful News: New surveillance video shows a woman shopping at Target a mile away, when a fire destroyed the home daycare center she was operating, killing the four children she'd left alone. (Full Story)


STUPID VIDEOS OF THE DAY

#1.) A Group in Russia Protested the Police . . . By Having Women Kiss Female Cops:

The Russian police force is known as the "militsia." It's also known for being corrupt. So in a rebranding effort, the Russian government decided to change the name to "politsia" . . . which obviously does nothing to solve the corruption problem. --So a political group came up with a weird and somewhat arousing way to protest. They had women search out female cops in the subways and on the streets . . . and KISS them. --There's a new video of it on YouTube that shows dozens of female cops being aggressively kissed, and almost all of them freak out. (--Search for "Russia Mass Kissing Stunt." One of the best struggles is at 1:00.)


#2.) A Girl Couldn't Close One of Her Eyes After a Visit to the Dentist:

Remember the David After Dentist video, where the kid's all hopped up on Novocain? It's gotten over 80 million views on YouTube since 2009. I mention it because there's a new dentist video online that you should also check out. --In this one, a girl walks out of the dentist after having a wisdom tooth pulled, and she can SORT of talk . . . but because of the Novocain, she can't move the left half of her face, or close her right eye. At one point she says, "I'm going to poop myself." (--Search for "Girl Can't Close Eye After Wisdom Tooth Surgery.")
Is Charlie Sheen Bipolar? Here Are the Main Symptoms:

A lot of doctors are suggesting that CHARLIE SHEEN is bipolar, and when you look at the list of symptoms, it's easy to see why. --Bipolar disorder basically has two stages: In one, you have a lot of energy. But then you crash and slip into major depression. --In case you know someone who might be bipolar . . . or you just want to understand the brain of America's biggest "winner" . . . here are the main symptoms. --The stage when the person has a lot of energy . . . like Charlie Sheen does . . . is called "bipolar mania" or "hypomania", and it has five signs:

#1.) Euphoria or Irritability. Charlie Sheen seems to have both.

#2.) Excessive Talking and Racing Thoughts . . . which describes every interview he's done in the past week.

#3.) Inflated Self-Esteem. Charlie's been going on and on about how much better he is than "normal" people. Nevermind that he thinks he's a "warlock."

#4.) Unusual Energy and Less Need for Sleep. "Unusual" is probably an understatement for the level of energy he seems to have right now.

#5.) Impulsiveness and a Reckless Pursuit of Gratification. This includes big shopping sprees, promiscuous sex, high-risk investments, and fast driving. --And it also includes a sudden urge to travel, which Charlie Sheen did when he flew to the Bahamas immediately after "Two and a Half Men" shut down last week.

--Now, here are some of the DARKER symptoms of bipolar disorder, which Charlie Sheen hasn't been displaying . . . yet. --Depression . . . low self-esteem . . . low energy levels . . . sadness, loneliness, helplessness, and guilt . . . slowed speech, fatigue, and bad coordination . . . Insomnia OR orversleeping . . . poor concentration . . . and suicidal thoughts --That's why some doctors say Charlie Sheen needs help NOW. (WebMD.com)